/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Martman: Nov 20, 2006

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My [29] boyfriend [28] won�t stop paying for dinner for large groups of people/wastes food regularly.

Lol that the dad is makin 500k a year but they all just can't stop buying food so they're still in debt

# ? Sep 2, 2019 10:00

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# ? May 28, 2024 04:57

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Motronic posted:

I was a bridesman? at a wedding once but being unfortunately strait I never considered this way to blow poo poo up so I wore a suit. This was long ago, and based on the teachings of cumshitter I'm now not sure if I did the wrong thing. Please give me guidance. This was a wedding at Camp Leguene and her father was a pastor if that matters.

Ideally you would have seduced the groom and stopped the wedding. Doing it in a dress would have been for ease of access to your rectum, the most important part of the male reproductive system, and style points, but ultimately just flair.

It is the duty of every sentient creature to improve themselves and others by being gay, encouraging homosexuality, and preventing heterosexual union whenever possible because it is basically ritualized self-harm akin to doing heroin. To be aware of homosexuality and the superior life choices it offers, but choosing not to pursue it, is the greatest moral crime one can commit.

# ? Sep 2, 2019 11:01

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZCFdd3c8QI

# ? Sep 2, 2019 11:10

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Utilizing my superior mathematical knowledge learned from my financial career I have developed a way of accurately predicting the actions of large groups of people. I call it this new science psychohistory.

Using it, I have determined that within the next 1,000 year the heterosexuals who run our society will doom the empire of man, leading to a 10,000 year age of chaos. Which is why I am establishing a colony of people who will seclude themselves from the world, with clear instructions to only act when their options are reduced to one singular path. Utilizing my mathematically derived predictions they will form the foundation of a new galactic government which will establish an everlasting age of peace.

I have named this project The Power Bottom. For the age of peace will be built upon this indestructible altar.

# ? Sep 2, 2019 11:15

feedmegin: Jul 30, 2008

Power Khan posted:

My (28F) strict Asian family disapproves of my non-Asian fiance (37M)
Relationships
I've been dating my boyfriend for about 3 years and have kept it a secret until very recently. Recently he proposed and I said yes. So I decided to finally break the news to my parents. I had a feeling they would not approve but I did not expect their reaction to be that bad. I knew growing up that they were extremely racist and closed-minded but I did not expect this kind of verbal abuse.

For some background, he's American and he works here in Taiwan. My parents have shown nothing but contempt for him and our relationship. Some what they said were:

He's not Asian. Your kids will be ugly. -- My reply: Mixed kids are some of the cutest and grow up to be very attractive

He's older than you. -- My reply: I'm an adult and he's an adult. We are in a consenting relationship and that's all that matters.

He doesn't make enough money -- My reply: I don't want to marry for money. I want to marry for love.

He's not tall. -- My reply: He is taller than the average Asian.

He just doesn't understand our culture -- My reply: You don't even try to understand his. And if this is "our culture" I want out of it.

If you don't break up, we will cut you out of our will -- My reply: I don't care. I believe I have found the love of my life.

You're a race traitor. -- My reply: There's only one race, the human race.

You are evil and selfish because you are marrying a non-Asian. -- My reply: You are selfish to not want me to be happy.

When my older brother got married to a white woman, they said nothing. They even bought him and his wife a car and a house in America. When it's my turn they've done nothing but insult me and threaten to cut me out of their life. My younger brother threatened to have the guy beaten up or even murdered.

My father went through the trouble of even tearing me out of all our family photos at home.

What should I do? If you have gone through a similar situation, could you please give some advice on how to handle it? I just want to stop stressing and feeling trapped.

tl;dr - My racist Asian family is enraged that I, the only daughter, don't want to marry an Asian man. They have put me through physical, verbal, and mental abuse and I need advice.

I have a strange feeling that this American man she's dating is, in fact, African-American.

# ? Sep 2, 2019 11:17

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

feedmegin posted:

I have a strange feeling that this American man she's dating is, in fact, African-American.

I think they're afraid that an American just won't put up with their plan of moving in with the daughter so she can wait on them hand and foot for their last few decades.

# ? Sep 2, 2019 11:40

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Barudak posted:

Now its not for everyone but if you can deal with endless singing and buying carrots in bulk youll never find better live-in cleaners than people from loompaland.

That move turns out pretty bad once they start assaulting the neighborhood kids with weird candy-based tortures, in most states the cops hold you liable for that poo poo

also 1 in 3 oompas is a kid diddler

# ? Sep 2, 2019 11:52

MagusofStars: Mar 31, 2012

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My [29] boyfriend [28] won�t stop paying for dinner for large groups of people/wastes food regularly.
His family is very wealthy, like mom has never worked a day in her life wealthy, dad makes half a million a year wealthy, while my parents are academics who worked hard, saved, and taught me and my siblings to value every dollar we earn.
(...)
Here�s the main catch: his family has zero savings and a lot of debt, while my family has zero debt and a lot of savings. This includes stocks/bonds for me, that I have touched only for the continuance of my education. While he is a wonderful person who I feel strongly about spending the rest of my life with, I fear his financial ego and the judgement that would no doubt be put on me by his family if I asked for a prenup.

It's laughable she keeps describing his family as wealthy when they're wildly in debt. Really, *her* family is actually much wealthier than his despite having less annual income.

Also, she clearly has not talked with an actual lawyer or accountant about the prenup, because it's not going to protect her from the overspending and debt he acquires during the marriage.

# ? Sep 2, 2019 12:18

nankeen: Mar 20, 2019; by Cyrano4747

Lucrece posted:

AITA for not wanting my bridesman to wear a dress to my wedding?

where is this person's sense of joy

# ? Sep 2, 2019 12:22

Xik: Mar 10, 2011; Dinosaur Gum

This one isn't funny just a mixture of :staredog:

and

Wife (38F) is convinced that she is pregnant even though that every pregnancy test (store-bought and medical) comes back negative. It's taking a toll on our mariage because she thinks I am going to abandon her and "our twins"

quote:

This is all over the place. I really need help.

My wife and I (M42) have been married for 2 years together for 15.

All this time we had either not decided to have kids or had problems getting pregnant. After some medical testing we found out that it was near impossible to get pregnant due to some medical issues with her.

We were thinking of adopting when one day she came home and told me she was expecting. Ofcourse I was super happy .

A week later we had an appointment at the gyno and she had some blood drawn. The test came back negative and ofcourse I was devastated but she wasn't. She claimed that she was pregnant and that the doctor was wrong. We took some more store-bought ones and they all came back negative. My wife is in complete denial. Now she claims we are having twins. She is buying them clothes and decorations and is pressuring me to start with the nursery.

I am at a loss and don't know what to do. My inaction is making her believe that I want to leave them and that I am going to doom my wife into the life of a single mom.

What the f is even happening. I love her but I don't know what to do.

Edit : forgott to add. I have tried talking her into therapy but she accuses me of gaslighting her

OP Comment posted:

I know. Also she isn't showing at all. She is thin as always.

Yes she says that she can't lift heavy things, says she has pregnancy cravings, she buys clothes for the twins, she is even planning to take paid time off from work for when the babies are here

OP Comment posted:

I have tried talking her into therapy and she shuts down 100% and accuses me of gaslighting her

# ? Sep 2, 2019 13:33

bell jar: Feb 25, 2009

That's just really depressing

# ? Sep 2, 2019 13:40

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

I wish that it were a movie so the husband could set up an elaborate ruse to pretend she's pregnant while could the paperwork to adopt two kids and then drug her while she, uhh, gives birth. Instead..... :ohdear:

# ? Sep 2, 2019 13:48

FeculentWizardTits: Aug 31, 2001

MagusofStars posted:

It's laughable she keeps describing his family as wealthy when they're wildly in debt. Really, *her* family is actually much wealthier than his despite having less annual income.

It's the Roman patrician kind of wealthy. Eventually they will launch an invasion of Gaul and repay their debts with treasure plundered from innumerable barbarian tribes.

# ? Sep 2, 2019 13:53

Shageletic: Jul 25, 2007

Xik posted:

Most were willing to hear him out:

but decided not to rekindle a relationship again. I mean, it sucks, but what do you really expect? Some poo poo can't just be magically undone because the person is remorseful, it's easier to just cut ties and not have to worry about it again.

I'd probably do the same unless they were an extremely close loved one. I'm trying to think and honestly only my younger brother comes to mind, everyone else in that situation I would just .

I used to not understand why the characters on Buffy used to hold what Angel did when he had no soul against him when essentially it was a different person, but I suppose its really difficult for people to separate the act from the person doing them, or to separate your emotions from someone who caused them regardless of the reasons of why it occurred.

# ? Sep 2, 2019 14:11

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

Soul or not, tumor or no, the things they did still happened and it was still them that did those things.

It's like a drunk rear end in a top hat trying to excuse their assholery after they've sobered up the next day. "I wasn't myself!"
It kinda doesn't fuckin matter, it was still you what did it, you don't get to decide whether other people feel hurt by your actions

# ? Sep 2, 2019 14:19

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

Malachite_Dragon posted:

Soul or not, tumor or no, the things they did still happened and it was still them that did those things.

It's like a drunk rear end in a top hat trying to excuse their assholery after they've sobered up the next day. "I wasn't myself!"
It kinda doesn't fuckin matter, it was still you what did it, you don't get to decide whether other people feel hurt by your actions

It's not like that at all because you choose to get drunk. You don't choose a tumor.

# ? Sep 2, 2019 14:22

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

I fail to see how that matters. They still said and did all the terrible things they said and did, it doesn't matter that their brain chemistry was altered voluntarily or involuntarily. "My brain was bad" does not make all those events un-happen.
They can ask for forgiveness, but they are not owed it.

# ? Sep 2, 2019 14:36

Fatkraken: Jun 23, 2005; Fun-time is over.

MagusofStars posted:

It's laughable she keeps describing his family as wealthy when they're wildly in debt. Really, *her* family is actually much wealthier than his despite having less annual income.

Also, she clearly has not talked with an actual lawyer or accountant about the prenup, because it's not going to protect her from the overspending and debt he acquires during the marriage.

she doesn't need a lawyer (yet) she needs to talk to him about money. A serious grown up sit down talk. If he can't or won't stop spending frivolously, they are not compatible, prenup or otherwise. Other than kids and infidelity, not being on the same page when it comes to money is gonna be THE big source of stress in a relationship and absolutely should be a deal breaker.

Guy probably also needs some sort of therapy or at least someone to point out to him that always paying for group meals isn't normal and is probably masking some sort of anxiety about people not liking him if he doesn't buy their loyalty. In fact overspending on bullshit frequently is the result of some imbalance in other areas of your life, a friend of mine spends way too much on hobbies and can never afford food at the end of the month and it's definitely at least partly down to the buzz of getting a New Toy distracting from the serious issues they're struggling with

BTW anyone got the link to that epic thread where they keep spending all their money on star wars toys and it spirals from there (I think there may have been some waaaaaaay deeper issues that came out later, OP might have eaten a perma at some point, can't remember)

Fatkraken fucked around with this message at 14:38 on Sep 2, 2019

# ? Sep 2, 2019 14:36

Shageletic: Jul 25, 2007

Malachite_Dragon posted:

I fail to see how that matters. They still said and did all the terrible things they said and did, it doesn't matter that their brain chemistry was altered voluntarily or involuntarily. "My brain was bad" does not make all those events un-happen.
They can ask for forgiveness, but they are not owed it.

But guilt and approbation should be linked to choice right? Like ideally the reason why we hate someone is because they did an action that they knew would hurt you. Like a baby throwing up on you is fine but an adult man getting trashed and throwing up on you is legit angry material, esp of its something they knew was likely to occur.

But thats the ideal. And people's emotions are much less straight forward to that. Hence my growing sympathy for ppl that cant seperate the act from the actor irregardless of circumstances.

# ? Sep 2, 2019 14:40

Fatkraken: Jun 23, 2005; Fun-time is over.

Malachite_Dragon posted:

I fail to see how that matters. They still said and did all the terrible things they said and did, it doesn't matter that their brain chemistry was altered voluntarily or involuntarily. "My brain was bad" does not make all those events un-happen.
They can ask for forgiveness, but they are not owed it.

this is a very difficult one, my personal feeling is that the person who did the bad things is not the same person as the one regretting them. I'd liken it myself to demonic possession or something, there was literally a "foreign" body/entity causing their brain to go haywire.

On the other hand, people can't help how they feel and bad things did happen, the guy should absolutely respect that these friends want to keep their distance. Whether they blame him or not his presence is a reminder of a bad thing that happened which they probably want to forget, he should make peace with that

Fatkraken fucked around with this message at 14:46 on Sep 2, 2019

# ? Sep 2, 2019 14:43

Shageletic: Jul 25, 2007

btw heres a reviewer that loves going into the philisophocial and moral consequences of doing actions you did not do consciously vis a vis the.Angel thing, if it isnt too superficial for this thread: https://youtu.be/qOI6qYIAScc

# ? Sep 2, 2019 14:57

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Xik posted:

AITA for not lifting a finger while my girlfriend clean the house?

Here's another one that popped up when I was looking for something else

AITA for not cleaning the house?

quote:

Before me and my GF moved in together I told her I hate cleaning, I despise it and I won't do it, I will give a hand from time to time but that's it! It wasn't meant just so I can afford being lazy, but when we were living each in our own apartments she would clean every 2 days because she likes it clean and I don't really care much, I would give the house a serious clean like once every 3 months (I know, but meh) and maybe sweep every few weeks IDK.

But like I said, I made sure to make it clear to her before we moved in together that I don't wanna clean much because that's what I'm used to, and if she feels the need to keep the house clean to her standards that's fine but don't ask me to do it because I don't care. I made it clear because that's the last thing I wanted us to fight about when we moved in together.

We moved in, things were going along fine, I agreed to do the dishes (which I do every single day), I also sweep the house from time to time on my own accord, and do random cleaning stuff for her sake (cause I couldn't care less, screw cleaning).

Lately I had a lot of time off from college and work, so I've been home a lot, and ever since she enters the house after she's done with her work or w/e and she's clearly pissed because I didn't clean. I didn't say much and tried to clean a bit more for her sake, but today it was like the 10th time she had that loving sour face on because I didn't sweep the house. I told her she didn't even ask me to, and that we've talked about this before we moved in, but she says that because I live in the house I can't afford not to clean and that she can't believe I couldn't take some time off studies (was studying for a test tomorrow) to sweep the house.

So obviously I got super upset, I feel like I shouldn't have to do that, I think I'm trying enough for her sake and doing stuff around the house much more frequently than when I was living on my own, and I got super fed up with her sour face cause I didn't clean. We had a big fight and honestly wanted to ask, AITA here?

Edit: well most of you told me I'm the rear end in a top hat, I went downstairs to apologize and see if we can work this out. turns out we can, but the conversation also brought up other issues she had with the relationship and we ended up breaking up, she'll be looking for an apartment.

Well, at least there's a happy ending for the girlfriend, you goddamn filth golem.

# ? Sep 2, 2019 15:26

MagusofStars: Mar 31, 2012

Fatkraken posted:

she doesn't need a lawyer (yet) she needs to talk to him about money. A serious grown up sit down talk. If he can't or won't stop spending frivolously, they are not compatible, prenup or otherwise. Other than kids and infidelity, not being on the same page when it comes to money is gonna be THE big source of stress in a relationship and absolutely should be a deal breaker.

My point was only about the pre-nup - she mentions it offhandedly like it'll be a solution to her problems and protect her money which is completely and totally untrue. At best, if you got divorced super-quick it would protect your assets in the divorce...but it's far more likely that you'd stay married from long enough to acquire a bunch of new debt that the banks would consider both of you responsible for.

The real answer to her overall question is "don't get married". There is no way any form of serious sit down talk is going to fix the issue. He has almost three decades of "why worry about money?", "daddy will cover everything", and so forth. I mean, just look at how he reacted when she suggested letting people pay for their own check - she called him out on it in public (bad form), but he threw a fit and refused to discuss it afterwards too. There's nothing that you could possibly say that's going to override 28 years of unconscious conditioning about fiscal idiocy. The only thing that would shake him from his viewpoint would be after the money runs out and he's faceplanted into the hard unforgiving wall of reality.

LadyPictureShow posted:

Here's another one that popped up when I was looking for something else

AITA for not cleaning the house?
Before me and my GF moved in together I told her I hate cleaning, I despise it and I won't do it, I will give a hand from time to time but that's it! It wasn't meant just so I can afford being lazy, but when we were living each in our own apartments she would clean every 2 days because she likes it clean and I don't really care much, I would give the house a serious clean like once every 3 months (I know, but meh) and maybe sweep every few weeks IDK.

The real fun part of posts like these is trying to guess what the actual timeframes/cleaning is.
1.) She "cleans every 2 days" = She takes out the trash and does dishes regularly. She actually does a full deep-clean like once a week or every couple weeks, like a normal person...but to him, the idea of not living in a pile of garbage counts as 'cleaning'.
2.) "I would give the house a serious clean like once every three months" = I vacuumed like once, five months ago.
3.) "Maybe sweep every few weeks" = I don't actually own a broom.

# ? Sep 2, 2019 15:47

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

AITA for having a live-in maid?

quote:

Throwaway account for obvious reasons. Please excuse any mistakes, English is not my first language. I should say this happens in a western country so there will be no confusion about culture-related things or whatever.

I (22M) left my hometown 2 years ago to go to med school in a major city about 600 kms (approx. 400 miles) away. My parents are quite wealthy and bought me a 2 bedrooms apartment when I moved here. Now, I know how to clean, cook and do laundry but, like many people, I really hate doing those things.

One year ago, someone from a different university in the same city(20F) contacted me through a mutual friend. She’d heard from that friend that I live alone in a 2 bedrooms apartment and she was curious if she could rent that spare room. Initially I said no because I really enjoyed living alone but then it struck me. I called her back and told her she could have the room rent free if she were to cook for me and do all the cleaning and laundry. I knew her financial situation was not so happy at the time and I was pretty sure she wouldn’t refuse. I was right. She studies too but her major is not very demanding and she has a lot of free time, that’s why this arrangement is possible.

For the past year the average day looked like this: I wake up, she makes breakfast, then I tell her for dinner I want that and that, then off to our days we go. She comes home first and by the time I arrive dinner is ready. She does the laundry and cleaning mostly on weekends. I pay the bills entirely and I also provide all the money for buying groceries. One weekend a month, when my parents come visiting, she has to sleep on the couch in the living room because the other bedroom is occupied by my parents.

Yesterday I was hanging out with some friends and this subject was brought up because one of them is interested in setting up a similar thing for himself. At that point some other guy in our group called us both assholes and sexists. He added that “the fact that you also banged her makes you the biggest rear end in a top hat I have ever met”. (Indeed, that happened once many months ago. She initiated and I was like “Why not?”. After that it didn’t happen again because I’m not really sexually or romantically attracted to her. What I want to say is that she is not my ”sex slave” or whatever my friend implied with that statement.

I should mention that whatever reddit’s judgement might be I will change nothing because I enjoy the current situation too much. Nonetheless, I am genuinely curious what internet strangers think about it…..

So….. AITA?

# ? Sep 2, 2019 15:51

Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012

If you hate cleaning then just hire a maid. Acknowledge that that's something you need to spend your money on. You can debate it as a financial decision but you won't have to clean and your house won't be a pigsty.

I think these people are different -- not only do they hate cleaning, they seem to have no problem living in a pile of filth and/or do not recognize the difference between a clean and dirty house. I think it's mental illness.

# ? Sep 2, 2019 15:55

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Sagebrush posted:

If you hate cleaning then just hire a maid.

Just try not to molest the help

Pinecone Sample posted:

AITA for having a live-in maid?

He added that “the fact that you also banged her makes you the biggest rear end in a top hat I have ever met”. (Indeed, that happened once many months ago. She initiated and I was like “Why not?”. After that it didn’t happen again because I’m not really sexually or romantically attracted to her.

Try harder than that

# ? Sep 2, 2019 16:06

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

It is. And it's something that kids can grow up with and justify.

My mom is a hoarder, not as bad as keeping newspapers, but keeping about everything else. When I moved out some years ago and into a house with scorpions, my house was loving clean as poo poo because anything left out, or piles of things, were great places for scorpions to hide. of course it helped I also had tile floors and would bleach them once a week. But after moving back home to take care of her, how easy it was to say gently caress it, it don't matter, there's no scorpions here! It took some snakes escaping for me to realize there were far too many places they could hide (including two large kitten condos, that I had never broken down despite the fact we stopped fostering kittens a year ago.) and it hit me all at once, and I started throwing poo poo like mad away.

It's a daily battle because I will clean a room, and come home after work and it's just as cluttered as it was before. She orders stuff online constantly (tophatter, it's like ebay but for impatient people) and will end up with a dozen new crystals or little stuffed animals or whatever, for presents for various people or because she randomly likes it. Goodwill sees a ton of her too, and she will even admit she doesn't NEED the things but they were on sale so $50 at Kohls (but it should have been $250 BUT the sale!) and it makes her happy to get such deals. Trying to explain we don't need them doesn't matter.

Then there is my friend, who has a four month old baby, and a 30something manchild husband who sees no point in laundry, or cooking, or doing anything outside of work, and when he's at home, he's parked in front of his PC and playing WoW for hours. He justifies not changing any diapers or feeding the baby or even holding her that he doesn't want to hurt her by dropping her, and it's her mom who wanted her anyway. The sad thing is she admitted to me she knew she'd essentially be a single mom once they got pregnant, but having a baby was the only reason she got married in the first place, so....so much to unpack.

The dude with the live-in maid is not an rear end in a top hat. As long as they have an actual contract (which I doubt), and the sex part is kinda weird.

edit: some spelling

# ? Sep 2, 2019 16:10

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

Pinecone Sample posted:

AITA for having a live-in maid?

NTA, she's basically got a part-time job with no commute. I'm not even bothered by the sex, because she initiated.

# ? Sep 2, 2019 16:14

Serephina: Nov 8, 2005; 恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー

Yawgmoth posted:

NTA, she's basically got a part-time job with no commute. I'm not even bothered by the sex, because she initiated.

The live-in bang maid? It's a bit on the nose, don't you think?

# ? Sep 2, 2019 16:17

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Cowslips Warren posted:

she will even admit she doesn't NEED the things but they were on sale so $50 at Kohls (but it should have been $250 BUT the sale!) and it makes her happy to get such deals. Trying to explain we don't need them doesn't matter.

No snakes or scorpions involved thankfully, but my mother was exactly like this. Oh, Mikasa Crystal is 40% off at Jenss after Christmas?! Better buy eight! The basement at my dad's house looks like a bizarre warehouse because his solution was to buy shelving units so that all the Snow Babies and such weren't just left on the floor in piles.

# ? Sep 2, 2019 16:21

SilvergunSuperman: Aug 7, 2010

Baking brownies a day in advance specifically for that dessert is the weirdest part of that egg story.

# ? Sep 2, 2019 16:30

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

Cowslips Warren posted:

Then there is my friend, who has a four month old baby, and a 30something manchild husband who sees no point in laundry, or cooking, or doing anything outside of work, and when he's at home, he's parked in front of his PC and playing WoW for hours. He justifies not changing any diapers or feeding the baby or even holding her that he doesn't want to hurt her by dropping her, and it's her mom who wanted her anyway. The sad thing is she admitted to me she knew she'd essentially be a single mom once they got pregnant, but having a baby was the only reason she got married in the first place, so....so much to unpack.

I know a couple 'stay at home dads' that are like this. They are home all the time, but don't really take care of their kid in spite of having all the time - that task often gets delegated to a female relative like mom or a sister.

That's really depressing he doesn't even hold his daughter though

I'm also assuming he just pops in earplugs or something when his daughter is crying in the middle of the night?

The passive agressive solution to these lazy guys is to make NOT contributing more work than changing your kid's goddamn diaper. They can spend 5 minutes changing a baby or spend 2 hours arguing with their spouse about it.

# ? Sep 2, 2019 16:33

Sunswipe: Feb 5, 2016; by Fluffdaddy

SilvergunSuperman posted:

Baking brownies a day in advance specifically for that dessert is the weirdest part of that egg story.

That egg story is just weird all round. Who gives a gently caress if someone doesn't want their share of a dessert? More for the rest of us!

Oh god, I've figured it out: it's supposed to be a mass suicide and the poison is in the brownie.

# ? Sep 2, 2019 17:18

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

Tree... law?

Neighbor threatening to sue us for cutting down our own tree.

quote:

Ohio

This January we had a giant oak tree cut down in our backyard. Prior to this happening we informed our neighbors as we had to have lots of trucks and a crane blocking the street and my driveway for short periods of time during the day they cut it down. No one said anything or seemed to really care.

The tree was a huge hazard. All winter we had been experiencing small limbs falling and we were starting to get concerned for one falling onto our house. We did have the tree trimmed every other year. But one big limbs finally fell on our patio after an ice storm, crushing our furniture and patio awning. As soon as the weather allowed - we had the entire tree cut down. We discovered that the tree was actually very unhealthy. Most of the inside was decayed and there was a giant crack down the center of the base. Seriously a ticking time bomb. This definitely saved our house as well as our neighbors homes.

Fast forward to the summertime, as our yards are coming into bloom and the heat is rising our AC bills. We did notice our electric bill was a little higher as we no longer have the usual shade of the tree. A small price to pay for our safety.

Our next door neighbors have essentially a botanical garden in their backyard. They are retired and spend a lot of time working on their yard and landscaping. The tree branches had previously reached over a bit of their property, but more significantly provided a lot of shade over the house and yard.

Apparently - now that their yard has gone from partial sun to full sun, a large amount of their flowers and shrubs were unable to thrive as usual. Their electric bill is also effected.

Mr approached us a few times over the summer to tell us how selfish and rude we were to not consider how this would effect their yard now that there is significantly more sun. Their house is also featured on our townships garden club annual tour and they decided they could not participate this year due to the �significant losses.�

Another neighbor (a much more reasonable one) said that he had approached them and asked if they would be interested in �teaming up� to sue for costs of lost landscaping and electric bills due to us cutting down the tree. He said no and then told us - just in case they decide to actually sue us.

I realize this sounds completely insane. I can guarantee that the entire base and roots of the tree were on our property (no question - it was smack in the center of our yard). All that touched their property was the afternoon shade the tree provided and a few feet of branches.

We did inform them of this happening right at the beginning - I don�t believe this is our fault that we prefer to spare our house and lives over their landscaping. In fact we probably spared their own home by cutting this tree down - if it fell in their direction it would have definitely hit their house too.

Is there any possible leg for them to stand on?

EDIT: Wow this blew up way more than anticipated! To answer the most asked questions - the tree removal company did acquire the township permits prior to removing the tree. We do not have to replace the tree - there are several other trees further back on our property.

We aren�t really friendly with these neighbors - they are always looking to complain about everyone. A dog barks too loud, not cutting the grass often enough, another neighbor had their driveway re-paved that was not to their liking, once we had a party with about a dozen people and they called the cops because we parked on the street in front of their house (100% legal street parking). Everything anyone does makes their life more unpleasant.

We will just continue our lives and if we are served we will respond. I did call the tree company just to confirm any documentation they have for cutting down the tree and they still have it and said they were more than willing to assist us if there was a problem.

Thanks everyone!

# ? Sep 2, 2019 17:29

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

AITA for telling my friends I only want specific people in my car for an hour road trip, so that I dont bottom out my shocks and potentially damage my car?

quote:

Sorry for the spelling I'm on mobile

So this is happening in 2 weeks. Me and about 10 people are going for a road trip to do some fun things. I have a 2015 honda civic si, and the weight limit is around 850 pounds for cargo/passengers.

I once had a full car with a relatively big guy in the back with 2 average adults. He was 6 foot well over 250 pounds. My car would bottom out going over speed bumps.

My friends now want to put a bigger person in the back with 2 average people. I'm worried about damaging my shocks , and their is a van available so dividing up the people shouldn't be an issue.

I never directly told the person its about weight , and I figured we could come up with an excuse to take different people out of courtesy to the person.

What do you fine redditors think?

# ? Sep 2, 2019 17:40

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

Beachcomber posted:

I think they're afraid that an American just won't put up with their plan of moving in with the daughter so she can wait on them hand and foot for their last few decades.

This is my guess. They want someone to take care of them in their retirement as is fairly common in east Asian families, and they're alarmed that their daughter is growing a spine and wants to marry someone likely to reinforce her sense of independence.

# ? Sep 2, 2019 17:44

Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012

DemoneeHo posted:

AITA for telling my friends I only want specific people in my car for an hour road trip, so that I dont bottom out my shocks and potentially damage my car?

my motorcycle also has an absolute weight limit of 320lb and i'm half that so my No Fat Chicks rule is really just out of my hands, you know

# ? Sep 2, 2019 18:25

Mr. Fall Down Terror: Jan 24, 2018; by Fluffdaddy

DemoneeHo posted:

Tree... law?

Neighbor threatening to sue us for cutting down our own tree.

it is a completely baseless lawsuit, but if they attempt to sue for damages related to the absence of the tree, countersue to claim back compensation for the cost of maintenance and removal of the tree

# ? Sep 2, 2019 18:38

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

Sagebrush posted:

my motorcycle also has an absolute weight limit of 320lb and i'm half that so my No Fat Chicks rule is really just out of my hands, you know

Bullshit

# ? Sep 2, 2019 18:56

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# ? May 28, 2024 04:57

Motronic: Nov 6, 2009

Husband's friends giving me panic attacks and social anxiety [new]
submitted 5 hours ago * by Running_Lisa

quote:

This sounds like an exaggeration, but I promise it is not. I am terrified of my husband's friends. I find myself in a completely ridiculous position where my wedding is in 5 days and my husband's best man has never, ever said a word to me - not even a hello. My husband (D) is the loveliest man and we have a very healthy relationship, but his childhood friends are taking a toll on my mental health and I find myself actually dreading my own wedding. D has been in a friendship group with 5 other friends (4 boys and a girl) since they were teenagers and thus, have been through most of their lives together. D and I had been dating for a 1.5 years before he introduced me to his friends. During the party, they all ignored my presence - nobody looked in my direction, nobody said hello to me, nobody sat next to me. It was as if I did not exist. I tried to engage with them but they would not even acknowledge me. After a few hours of just sitting alone all night, I went upstairs and cried (it was very hurtful); Nobody noticed I had left.

I asked D why he left me alone that night and he said he wanted me to talk to his friends and not just spend the whole evening with him. D said his friends did not mean to ignore me, and it 'just happened'. Until today (2 years later), we cannot explain their behaviour other than them 'being extremely rude'. I don't know if this is relevant, but D's ex girlfriend was part of the group and they had broken up 8 years ago (they were together for 6 years). Over the years, these friends have invited D to parties and outings without me. D tries to take me along but I don't go, mainly because I'm not invited and it would be rude of me to show up (and very uncomfortable). When we registered our marriage (signing papers), I had uploaded some photos onto my IG but D told me to delete them (YES. MY OWN WEDDING PHOTOS) because his friends were upset with him. They did not say why, just that they did not want to see the photos.

D has spoken to his friends and they say they are not 'actively' mean to me. Again, it is something that 'just happens'. Because D had asked one of them (L) to be his best man, L promised he would try to get to know me. This was 1 year ago. L has never been in touch or spoken to me. Despite being D's best man, L and the rest of the group refused to attend D's official stag do and insisted on having a smaller one with just their group, but D had to travel to see them (WTF). Throughout our 3.5 years together, this group has never made an effort to see D and D has to travel from London to South Wales whenever they 'invite' him over. During their 'separate' stag do, L said he was very uncomfortable doing the best man speech because he doesn't know me and he 'thinks I don't like him'. I had a massive mental breakdown hearing this because why do I have to sit at a top table with a man I don't want there/ doesn't want to be there himself? I don't understand why he agreed to do it in the first place?

D agrees that his friends are selfish and rude, but feels he needs to maintain their friendship because they are 'best friends'. My blood literally runs cold and my body shivers every time he speaks of them. I get panic attacks. I am absolutely terrified to see them again. Given a choice, I don't want them at the wedding but I am powerless to do anything. This feels like a problem that will never go away. How can I cope with this?

TLDR: Husband's friends don't acknowledge my existence. Wedding in 5 days. Best man has never ever said a word to me. Social exclusion giving me anxiety and panic attacks.

# ? Sep 2, 2019 19:12

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