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Oh I should clarify, I work standing on my feet most of the day, we are just in a big open plan room to have a briefing on how we are "not supposed to sit down all that often" as "You look untidy for the visitors". We have to be walking around, talking to visitors etc. I mean I understand the feelings but I have to be able to do better than them and not just retreat, again.
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Sep 6, 2019 01:26
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Captain Fargle posted:Were these council or parliamentary elections? they're council elections so in the grand scheme of things they mean less than nothing
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Sep 6, 2019 01:27
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Josef bugman posted:Oh I should clarify, I work standing on my feet most of the day, we are just in a big open plan room to have a briefing on how we are "not supposed to sit down all that often" as "You look untidy for the visitors". Petition for stools that leave you tidy looking when resting. I guess use your not inconsiderable powers of thought and reason to combat the darkness. edit. recently my ill advised life partner asked me for help on a similar matter which I began to give. She soon stormed outside for a cigarette accusing me of being condescending. She didn't want ideas, she'd already had them all, I was supposed to be just generally supportive. If thats what you want... Well done. NotJustANumber99 fucked around with this message at 01:36 on Sep 6, 2019 |
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Sep 6, 2019 01:33
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No as in I am not wanting support. What I am asking for isn't really based around chairs. It's the fact that I couldn't handle having two people disagree, not even with me, nearby and I responded to it like a freaking toddler. I need to fix that. What I want is to be able to have conflict occur nearby and be able to help not just want to run.
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Sep 6, 2019 01:40
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Not the right thread vvv this guy for instance is wrong. NotJustANumber99 fucked around with this message at 01:47 on Sep 6, 2019 |
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Sep 6, 2019 01:43
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Josef bugman posted:No as in I am not wanting support. What I am asking for isn't really based around chairs. Sometimes you can't help, and trying to insert yourself in other people's disagreements can easily just make things worse. Learn to pick your battles.
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Sep 6, 2019 01:46
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NotJustANumber99 posted:Not the right thread I mean that's fair. It did start as a more general one about conflict resolution but I made it to personal. This will not happen again.
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Sep 6, 2019 01:46
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Josef bugman posted:I mean that's fair. It did start as a more general one about conflict resolution but I made it to personal. Lol chill fella. I don't get to tell you what to do. It was meant to be a joke about, i dunno, conflict and stuff. Soz.
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Sep 6, 2019 01:48
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Yeah bugman it's fine to post about things in your life or difficulties you're having in here, please do. I can't offer advice in the problem you're having, I've never had the kind of response to conflict that you describe. But I think most people itt are happy to see you posting and to talk through this kind of stuff if they can.
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Sep 6, 2019 01:52
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Josef bugman posted:Essentially I am realising a lot of my behaviours are lovely and need to change and I am trying to find out how to do it. Like today at work our boss was telling us how they've changed certain rules related to seating. We are all in a fairly open plan space, but don;t have much time to discuss it as it is more an announcement as we need to do opening up. The problem is that I know it's going to be contentious and I just want it to be over since nothing is going to get resolved in under 20 mins. So I realised I had, quite literally just looked down at my notes, covered my ears and hummed my way through it. Was in the same situation a few weeks ago, we change teams and shifts once every two years. So seating is up for grabs, and I always want a 'corner' seat so I'm not inbetween two people. Of course this means nothing in the grand scheme of things, but its worth the conflict for that small luxury. In the end, gently caress them.
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Sep 6, 2019 02:00
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Josef bugman posted:Have a thing to ask the thread: How do you all deal with feeling uncomfortable/dealing with conflict. You're actually asking two separate questions first question is "how do I cope with the experience of conflict" and the main answer there is just getting more experience with conflict. Sports are good for that because they acclimatize you to the concept of conflict in a relatively non-threatening environment. You should probably talk to a therapist about how to get acclimatized to conflict situations. second question is "how do I resolve conflicts" and there's a whole science that goes into that. One good essay on how to address most conflicts can be found here: quote:
https://roiword.wordpress.com/2010/12/31/conflict-and-the-quiet-car/ Hieronymous Alloy fucked around with this message at 02:25 on Sep 6, 2019 |
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Sep 6, 2019 02:11
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Sounds to me like you've been exposed to conflict in your past that made you really uncomfortable with it now. I'm the same, the fights I saw and heard as a kid have made me INCREDIBLY conflict-averse today, hearing people raise their voices at each other can give me panic attacks for example, and I absolutely cannot stand to be in the presence of an argument. I think you probably need to talk to a therapist to get help overcoming it I'm right in the cause, because that's the kind of poo poo that gets deep.
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Sep 6, 2019 02:18
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Josef bugman posted:Essentially I am realising a lot of my behaviours are lovely and need to change and I am trying to find out how to do it. Like today at work our boss was telling us how they've changed certain rules related to seating. We are all in a fairly open plan space, but don;t have much time to discuss it as it is more an announcement as we need to do opening up. The problem is that I know it's going to be contentious and I just want it to be over since nothing is going to get resolved in under 20 mins. So I realised I had, quite literally just looked down at my notes, covered my ears and hummed my way through it. Not often I recommend this, but just dissociate. This isn't quite the same as what you're doing, which is trying to avoid the situation you're in. Just think 'this is dumb, people are being dumb arguing about it, I am in this situation but ultimately I'm just observing it, human beings sure have some weird foibles'. Like, take the panoptic view, rise above it. Observe what's happening but don't feel sucked into it. Recently I've found that just saying to myself 'I accept this', about my situation that very moment, helps to calm me down. Not in the sense of saying 'this is fine', more saying 'I'm not shying away from the reality of what's going on right now'. I think the desire for avoidance is what causes the distress, basically, not the situation itself. That doesn't really make sense. In any case, it's never fun being around an argument, but accept that it's happening and then let it go Barry Foster fucked around with this message at 02:34 on Sep 6, 2019 |
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Sep 6, 2019 02:31
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NotJustANumber99 posted:Lol chill fella. I don't get to tell you what to do. Why are you being such a dick?
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Sep 6, 2019 02:43
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The Monarch posted:Why are you being such a dick? He's loving noxious, most of his 'contributions' to this thread are needlessly antagonistic shitposts
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Sep 6, 2019 02:51
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https://twitter.com/parliawint/status/1169590969009922049
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Sep 6, 2019 03:01
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Amazing. 
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Sep 6, 2019 03:17
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Ms Adequate posted:Sounds to me like you've been exposed to conflict in your past that made you really uncomfortable with it now. I'm the same, the fights I saw and heard as a kid have made me INCREDIBLY conflict-averse today, hearing people raise their voices at each other can give me panic attacks for example, and I absolutely cannot stand to be in the presence of an argument. I think you probably need to talk to a therapist to get help overcoming it I'm right in the cause, because that's the kind of poo poo that gets deep. My parents separated when I was 7, after years of every night being an angry screaming fight. I don’t know if this is why I grew up wildly conflict avoidant or if it was even a contributing factor, but it seems to be a common thing for a lot of people. In the end I was brutalised by my career into being a lot more comfortable with conflict but I can’t recommend the process. First off, it’s not always and everywhere a problem: it’s a style and a lot of senior people have it too. Negotiating thread favourite book “bargaining for advantage” has a good comparison of different styles including how to make use of being someone who doesn’t like conflict in one of the appendices, so you might check that out. Alternatively, a lot of companies do conflict training - Intel for example does something called I think “wolf school” where you’re taken to an offsite to practice yelling at and contradicting your boss and other senior people, so that in a situation where you need to do that for real you won’t freeze up. That always sounded like a good idea. Maybe you can get them to pay for a course on that?
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Sep 6, 2019 03:30
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 New episode is up! Podcasting is Praxis Episode 2 - Mr BoJo's Wild Ride After an eventful week in parliament, and the probable imminent death of the tories, we thought it only fit to bring you a round-up of the comedy of errors. Parliamentary procedure, terrible speeches, and unity in opposition all get a look-in, followed by an awful article written by our favourite jauntily-angled former tory, Rory Stewart - and of course, another trip to the hot take mines for another game of Comment or Commentariat. This week's cast: Alasdair - http://twitter.com/SA_Ballistari - Firos Michael - http://twitter.com/mehall - Mehall Ben - He doesn't do twitter, smart man. - Miftan Jamie - http://twitter.com/JimBobFreeman - Pilchenstein David - http://twitter.com/SanitaryNaptime - Sanitary Naptime SA Notes: Miftan didn't once mention his (wrong) attitudes about chocolate oranges I think the audio quality is much better this time round, and as with the last episode, please give me as much of your feedback as you can  Enjoy!
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Sep 6, 2019 03:34
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I forgot to say how much I liked the first episode. Good chemistry between folks, and god drat the Scottish accent was custom built for talking poo poo about hapless political idiots
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Sep 6, 2019 04:01
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Barry Foster posted:Not often I recommend this, but just dissociate. This isn't quite the same as what you're doing, which is trying to avoid the situation you're in. Just think 'this is dumb, people are being dumb arguing about it, I am in this situation but ultimately I'm just observing it, human beings sure have some weird foibles'. Like, take the panoptic view, rise above it. Observe what's happening but don't feel sucked into it. This isn't necessarily dissociation, it's very similar to detached coping and acceptance which is pretty healthy. Dissociation is feeling like you aren't attached to your body and things aren't real which isn't great and you can observe that you aren't actually involved/being attacked without pretending you're somewhere else. It's ok to feel anxious around conflict, a good way to start addressing it is slow exposure. Every time you notice the urge to leave/look away/put fingers in ears then just slowly and carefully do the opposite. Take in your surroundings, observe what's happening, try and notice through your senses rather than getting caught up in worries in your head. Over time you learn that most of these situations aren't as scary as they seem (and are better at assessing when there's actual danger and gtfo is the correct action)
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Sep 6, 2019 04:03
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Hell yeah 3:30am podcast uploads 
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Sep 6, 2019 04:22
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Josef bugman posted:Have a thing to ask the thread: How do you all deal with feeling uncomfortable/dealing with conflict. I am not recommending this. I did a small amount of steroids after lifting weights for a few years, put on about 5 stone of muscle. I was shocked at how differently I'm treated, more so by men than women. I no longer get 90% of the poo poo I used to get, it's genuinely depressed me about how hosed up society is in that people are treated differently and respected more for such shallow and base instinct reasons. This is in all walks of life, men don't try and drunkenly fight me on nights out anymore, women are all over me in comparison and work colleagues treat me differently despite me not doing anything different at work. I still feel super uncomfortable if there is conflict, but conflict happens way less now and when it does the other side seems to be more respectful and willing to compromise now.
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Sep 6, 2019 04:24
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Holy poo poo Miftan you sound EXACTLY like someone I know only I have no idea who 
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Sep 6, 2019 04:30
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My advice: own your uncomfortable feelings. I've dealt with conflicts before just sitting there observing I'm feeling uncomfortable and noting it. I know it is not nice, I know I'd rather be elsewhere, I know this is poo poo I don't want to deal with. The key word is knowing it. I've actually had the most success when I've stopped engaging the person, and therefore letting them know I'm uncomfortable, and sitting back going "if they want me here to try this stuff, I wonder what will happen if I try this?". Alternatively, if I'm caught in the middle of an argument that doesn't involve me, applying the same attitude, I try variations of "I don't need to be here" (assuming I don't, i.e. no one's getting punched if I go). I remember being on the other side of this before I started practicing it and seeing it as a skill rather than an ability you're born with. These words have no meaning until you've tried it several times. Sorry, if there was a pill you could swallow for this it would outsell Viagra.
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Sep 6, 2019 05:01
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Honestly I don't know that feeling like conflict is kinda stupid a lot of the time is actually wrong? Like if you can see where it's going in advance then wanting to skip to the end is pretty normal? Cos yeah it's just a waste of time, essentially. Unless you're looking to get stuck into the argument then arguing is often a foregone conclusion.
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Sep 6, 2019 05:05
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willie_dee posted:I still feel super uncomfortable if there is conflict, but conflict happens way less now and when it does the other side seems to be more respectful and willing to compromise now. Well I suppose getting buff is one way around this. Just getting bitten to gently caress by mosquitos atm so that is why I am awake. Heners_UK posted:I remember being on the other side of this before I started practicing it and seeing it as a skill rather than an ability you're born with. These words have no meaning until you've tried it several times. Sorry, if there was a pill you could swallow for this it would outsell Viagra. Thanks. I will give this a go when I start feeling like that. Robot Mil posted:It's ok to feel anxious around conflict, a good way to start addressing it is slow exposure. Every time you notice the urge to leave/look away/put fingers in ears then just slowly and carefully do the opposite. Take in your surroundings, observe what's happening, try and notice through your senses rather than getting caught up in worries in your head. Over time you learn that most of these situations aren't as scary as they seem (and are better at assessing when there's actual danger and gtfo is the correct action) Okay. Will do. Apparently I used to do this as a kid, like if I saw something I found embarrasing I would just leave the room or put my fingers in my ears to block things out. I think the worst is when I am trying to watch "cringe" comedy and I just can't do it without feeling very sorry for the people on screen.
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Sep 6, 2019 05:24
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"Is Taki responsible for me taking up martial arts?" Now, to be fair, if I thought I'd get to wrestle with girls who had titties THAT big I'd probably have taken them up too.
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Sep 6, 2019 05:26
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Not sure what the context for that but I am now wondering whether you're referring to the fash from the spectator or the lady from soul calibur.
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Sep 6, 2019 05:32
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OwlFancier posted:Not sure what the context for that but I am now wondering whether you're referring to the fash from the spectator or the lady from soul calibur. The joke is the podcast referred to one and I referred to the other  That was a very good episode, I laughed a few times and I'm grateful for someone explaining plainly what actually happened in the Lords. Listening to Podcasting is Praxis is praxis. Ms Adequate fucked around with this message at 05:57 on Sep 6, 2019 |
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Sep 6, 2019 05:52
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Whattup thread apparently my work has a company lottery and I won it without even knowing it exists. Its usually £70-80 apparently.
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Sep 6, 2019 06:09
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Sanitary Naptime posted:
“He looks like a horse in a oval office suit” Best. 
ROFLBOT fucked around with this message at 06:26 on Sep 6, 2019 |
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Sep 6, 2019 06:24
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Sanitary Naptime posted:
I just want to say you guys do a really good job talking through things so that even an ignorant Canadian like me can follow along with what you are discussing. 
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Sep 6, 2019 06:26
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Lol that after being asked to make shorter episodes we've managed to make an even longer episode this week.
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Sep 6, 2019 06:47
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Noted ex-knight of the British Commonwealth Robert Mugabe is dead. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-49604152
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Sep 6, 2019 06:48
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Josef bugman posted:Well I suppose getting buff is one way around this. Do this! Mens sana in corpore sano still holds true. Aside from noticing how I get treated differently I must say that how happy my mind can be is anchored in how healthy my body is. It's great that you are going outside, now take walks to an outside gym or buy yourself some kettlebells. You can get amazing results for very little time spent if your doing HIIT like Tabatha stuff. Dunno if your sad & skinny or sad & pudgy. But putting on muscle is going to help, that I promise
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Sep 6, 2019 06:49
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Grouchio posted:Noted ex-knight of the British Commonwealth Robert Mugabe is dead. Hope the oval office suffered horribly until the very end.
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Sep 6, 2019 06:55
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Josef bugman posted:No as in I am not wanting support. What I am asking for isn't really based around chairs. Go to law school.
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Sep 6, 2019 07:01
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Hmmm idk about this whole podcast business , learning you people's real names and hearing your awful human voices rather than the ones I assign you in my head seems...suboptimal. Maybe have a learning segment where everyone shouts at each other and Josef has to tell you all to stfu
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Sep 6, 2019 07:14
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kustomkarkommando posted:Also the Irish country delicacy of a bowl of vegetable broth with a boiled potato in the middle My mum made stew with sausages and mince, an oxo cube and veggies. Sometimes she'd even brown the meat first. It looked like vomit but dear God I loved it.
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Sep 6, 2019 07:22
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