/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

mllaneza: Apr 28, 2007; Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952

Taima posted:

My concern is that he won't make a clean break if he does make this epiphany known.

I'm just thinking about myself, and how I would react if a partner seemingly turned over a totally new leaf. I would be tempted to stay with that person- it is a wonderful insight he's gained here- but the past baggage is just too much and won't do either of them any favors. You can't unsay and undo some things, and they should both start fresh and have a chance at a normal, healthy relationship.

It'd be all about he frames the need for the breakup. I'd suggest telling her straight out that all of her concerns are real, and oh by the way he knows about them because he snooped. He should also emphasize that he needs time alone to rebuild, and that she'd be holding him back if she tried to stick it out - that'd just be rewarding bad behavior.

e. This thread doesn't have a tax, but loookit mama ferret !

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcCRZkeqFY8

# ? Sep 13, 2019 08:36

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# ? May 30, 2024 11:55

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

mllaneza posted:

e. This thread doesn't have a tax, but loookit mama ferret !

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcCRZkeqFY8

Your hand lives here now.

# ? Sep 13, 2019 08:51

DeadButDelicious: Oct 11, 2012; Leave me to do my dark bidding on the internet!

Ferrets are best. Gah, now I want to bunk off work and go play with mine!

# ? Sep 13, 2019 09:20

Evil Willow: Apr 26, 2007; Bored now...

I pulled a prank on my husband and hes pissed

quote:

My husband and I have always had a fun loving relationship. Hes always messing and playing jokes on me. So I decided to get him back tonight on his way home from work, and he was very pissed off. To the point where hes slamming doors and stuff. The prank wasnt even bad no bucket of paint or even water, he experienced no pain at all. But when I went to ask him if he was ok, he just started screaming at me telling me it was not cool, and that I have no idea what he goes through and stuff? Like where does that even come from? It was a joke. I apologized, it wasnt my intention to make him mad, but now I'm the bad guy? It's ok for him to pull pranks on me, and everyone else but we cant do it to him? It immediately went to I dont listen, and the argument got so bad that now he wants to go to counseling. Did I miss something ? How can a bad joke lead to us sleeping in different beds?

quote:

laterral
5 points
�
1 hour ago
What was the prank?

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quote:

mdeleon810
4 points
�
1 hour ago
Lol your gonna laugh, but ugh the other night he went out drinking with his buddy and they went to strip club de ja vu and he bought a novelty toy. He was pretty drunk and came home was like messing with me with it like flinging it around and hitting people with it, so today my friend and I lol tied it to a string and tacked it to the wall so when he opened the door it swang in front of him and now hes mad.

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# ? Sep 13, 2019 09:26

Ralph Crammed In: May 11, 2007; Let's get clean and smart

I don't get buying dildos as a joke they are pretty pricey.

# ? Sep 13, 2019 10:52

Nastyman: Jul 11, 2007; There they sit
at the foot of the mountain
Taking hits
of the sacred smoke
Fire rips at their lungs
Holy mountain take us away

Ralph Crammed In posted:

I don't get buying dildos as a joke they are pretty pricey.

He didn't buy it as a joke, he bought it for himself cause he's a huge pussy

# ? Sep 13, 2019 10:53

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Ralph Crammed In posted:

I don't get buying dildos as a joke they are pretty pricey.

On one hand, the cheap end of your average adult-store selection is really cheap, so if this dude was buying a bottom-of-the-barrel rubber gag dong, he might have only spent like ten or twenty bucks.

On the other hand, he bought it at (or in conjunction with?) a strip club, so he definitely paid way too loving much

# ? Sep 13, 2019 10:58

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

Incidentally, don't use cheap jelly dongs, they're bad for you. At least use a condom on it, if you do.

# ? Sep 13, 2019 11:05

Vim Fuego: Jun 1, 2000; Ultra Carp

christmas boots posted:

lol no she wasn't

that poster's mom cut out the whole middle part where child abuse leads to drug addiction via trauma, coping, circumstances, etc. and just loving addicted the kid to pills. gotta admire the efficiency

also total lol @ half the family thinking the mom is fine

Vim Fuego fucked around with this message at 11:34 on Sep 13, 2019

# ? Sep 13, 2019 11:28

it dont matter: Aug 29, 2008

DemoneeHo posted:

AITA For Blocking My Grandparents From Almost All Forms Of Contact Because They Can�t Safely Navigate The Internet?

quote:

gave my computer an awful virus and it had to be replaced

The bad news is your appear to be nearly as ignorant about computers as your grandparents. On the bright side you made a salesman at whatever big box retailer you wandered into very happy that day.

# ? Sep 13, 2019 11:39

Dazerbeams: Jul 8, 2009

Lucrece posted:

I pulled a prank on my husband and hes pissed

Pounded in the Butt by my Repressed Emotions and Desires.

# ? Sep 13, 2019 12:12

Nastyman: Jul 11, 2007; There they sit
at the foot of the mountain
Taking hits
of the sacred smoke
Fire rips at their lungs
Holy mountain take us away

alphabettitouretti posted:

The bad news is your appear to be nearly as ignorant about computers as your grandparents. On the bright side you made a salesman at whatever big box retailer you wandered into very happy that day.

This is a really goony take, a person can be computer literate and not know how to fix a badly bricked machine. There's a few degrees of middle ground between "Autistic Alan Turing" and "Social circle is mostly Nigerian princes". (And believe me, a determined and well-meaning grandparent can destroy just about any piece of technology given enough time)

# ? Sep 13, 2019 13:11

it dont matter: Aug 29, 2008

quote:

Dear Care and Feeding,

My Aunt Mildred has just passed. She was in her late 80s, it was in her sleep, we�re all at peace about it.

Here�s the problem: In her will, she left my 14-year-old daughter her horrible bird. I am biased, because I grew up in New York and see all birds as rats with wings, but I never imagined one would wind up living and pooping in my house.

It�s a monk parakeet, which the internet tells me can live from 15 to 20 years (�Hawk� is, as far as we can tell, about 5 years old.) I don�t want it in my house, and I really don�t want to inherit it when my daughter leaves for college. What do I do?

�Shudder

quote:

Dear Shudder,

As someone else who would never allow a bird to live in her home, I understand your aversion. Nor am I overly hung up on Aunt Mildred�s wishes here, as she is dead. She shouldn�t have bought a bird that lives for 20 years in her 80s if she wanted to control all possible outcomes.

Does your daughter want the bird? If�after she has been brought up to speed on the amount of care she will have to provide the bird, minus any parental assistance, financial or otherwise�she still wants the bird, then I think you have a bird now. I�m very sorry.

If your daughter does not want the bird or the responsibilities that come with it, take it to a bird sanctuary, where it can live with many, many other exotic birds that old people have willed to their squeamish children and grandchildren. Don�t sell it to a pet store.

I don't think your aunt liked you very much.

# ? Sep 13, 2019 13:29

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

Nastyman posted:

a person can be computer literate and not know how to fix a badly bricked machine

yeah, plus the issue is that his grandparents are still apparently compulsively giving his information away to scammers. knowledge of computers aside, that's gonna gently caress up your life.

# ? Sep 13, 2019 13:40

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

alphabettitouretti posted:

I don't think your aunt liked you very much.

quote:

She shouldn�t have bought a bird that lives for 20 years in her 80s if she wanted to control all possible outcomes

Maybe Mildred was lonely and liked having something to talk to :colbert:

# ? Sep 13, 2019 13:40

Aramoro: Jun 1, 2012

alphabettitouretti posted:

I don't think your aunt liked you very much.

I found out something interesting the other day at a bird sanctuary near me. People give them dead old peoples parrots all the time, but the parrots continue to imitate their owners for ages after they get put in the sanctuary. So you end up with an aviary full of the ghosts of their previous owners.

# ? Sep 13, 2019 13:52

it dont matter: Aug 29, 2008

Aramoro posted:

I found out something interesting the other day at a bird sanctuary near me. People give them dead old peoples parrots all the time, but the parrots continue to imitate their owners for ages after they get put in the sanctuary. So you end up with an aviary full of the ghosts of their previous owners.

I'd watch this horror movie.

# ? Sep 13, 2019 13:56

Tashilicious: Jul 17, 2016; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Aramoro posted:

I found out something interesting the other day at a bird sanctuary near me. People give them dead old peoples parrots all the time, but the parrots continue to imitate their owners for ages after they get put in the sanctuary. So you end up with an aviary full of the ghosts of their previous owners.

great now i have a story idea

# ? Sep 13, 2019 13:57

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Aramoro posted:

I found out something interesting the other day at a bird sanctuary near me. People give them dead old peoples parrots all the time, but the parrots continue to imitate their owners for ages after they get put in the sanctuary. So you end up with an aviary full of the ghosts of their previous owners.

How are the dead parrots that belonged to old people talking?

# ? Sep 13, 2019 14:50

Peg Sliderskew: Jan 4, 2010

Batterypowered7 posted:

How are the dead parrots that belonged to old people talking?

A bird Medium.

A Seedium.

# ? Sep 13, 2019 14:58

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

AITA for demanding my sister pay rent for living-at-home with my parents and refusing to pay my rent until she does?

quote:

Background: I graduated from college 4 years ago live at home with my parents. My sister graduated 2 years ago and also lives with my parents. We both got jobs pretty much straight out of college. I pay my parents $800/month in rent since my first paycheck.

This is a throwaway and it's still fresh and I'm really emotionally charged right now. Last night my parents were talking loudly about their financial problems in the living room. I overheard and I offered to help by paying more in rent (I was thinking $900-1000) since it covers utilities/phone/internet. My parents were grateful. Now, prior to this, I never asked my how much sister pays in rent. I always figured my parents charged us the same. So absentmindedly I asked a follow-up question.

Me: How much is [my sister] paying [for rent]?

My Mom: Nothing.

A long rear end pause.

Me: What do you mean she doesn't pay rent?

My Dad (visibly angry): Your sister doesn't pay a loving thing!

My dad explained how my sister recently bought a brand new car and hasn't paid insurance on it so my dad had to pay for it. She doesn't pay rent. She doesn't pay utilities/phone/anything. So for the past 2 years she's been living rent free while I've been paying my parents.

So later that night we had a family sit down talk. My sister didn't want to pay rent, especially at how much I was paying. She offered $100. My parents suggested she pay $300, I pay $800 which my sister and I both rejected.

The conversation ended with this:

Sister: gently caress YOU. I'M TRYING TO LIVE MY LIFE. [These were her exact words which pissed me the gently caress off to holy hell)

So my sister storms off to her room and it's now me, my parents in the living room. I'm extremely upset at this because it's massively unfair. My mom is upset that everyone's angry at each other and my dad's angry my sister won't pay rent and she won't move out and both my parents don't want to police involved.

So I say my part before leaving.

Me: I'm not going to pay any more rent until she does. (It's only fair right?) And if I do pay rent, I pay whatever she's being.

My mom: What if she pays $300 and you pay $800-

Me: No.

My mom: But [me], we really need the money...

Me: That's too bad.

I get up and go off to my room.

So this morning my dad comes in tells me that I'M AN rear end in a top hat FOR NOT PAYING RENT. That I should pay rent because it's the right thing to do and all this poo poo. I'm like, "what the hell? make [my sister] pay rent!"

My mom, who's listening in.

"You've seen her! She won't listen to us!"

Me: WELL THAT'S TOO BAD.

My mom (really angry): WELL WE WOULDN'T HAVE THIS PROBLEM IF YOU DIDN'T TRY TO MAKE YOUR SISTER PAY RENT.

That was the last straw that blew it for me. I slammed the door on my parents.

As I'm typing this my parents are in the living room discussing how both their children are rotten and poo poo was better back in the home country/back in their day when kids listened to their parents. Like wtf?

# ? Sep 13, 2019 15:35

Dazerbeams: Jul 8, 2009

How do spineless parents produce such willful children?

# ? Sep 13, 2019 15:40

UZR IS BULLSHIT: Jan 25, 2004

Paying $800 a month in rent to your parents for four years isn't having a spine lol

# ? Sep 13, 2019 15:42

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Here's a solution: both of you move out of your parents' house.

# ? Sep 13, 2019 15:44

RenegadeStyle1: Jun 7, 2005; Baby Come Back

Yeah if you're already paying 800 in rent you can probably afford your own place depending on where you live.

# ? Sep 13, 2019 15:51

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

AITA for telling the flight attendant to ask the woman in front of me to raise her seat up because it was pressing on my legs?

quote:

I was recently on a long (3+ hour) flight. When we got airborne, the woman in front of me reclined her seat back, pressing them down on my kneecaps. I am a tall person (6'5") and generally don't fit into coach seats easily. I couldn't even put my tray down. Leaning my seat back doesn't really help. I wrangled myself out of my seat and asked her politely, "I'm sorry ma'am, but I wonder if I could impose on you and ask to please raise your seat up just a few inches? I don't have much space back there and with your seat pressing on my kneecaps, neither of us will be very comfortable during this long flight. Thank you." She just looked at me blankly, said "No", and closed her eyes. I walked to the front of the plane and explained my situation to the flight attendant, who went back and spoke to the woman, who then reluctantly raised the seat up a bit. When I got back into my seat, the woman turned around and hissed "rear end in a top hat" at me.
AITA? Should I have just kept my mouth closed and sucked up for the remainder of the flight?

EDIT: I normally book the seats with extra room, but this was a last-minute business trip and all the extra-room seats were already booked.

# ? Sep 13, 2019 15:56

UZR IS BULLSHIT: Jan 25, 2004

You're a huge loving rear end in a top hat for putting the FA in that position, yes

# ? Sep 13, 2019 16:06

Nastyman: Jul 11, 2007; There they sit
at the foot of the mountain
Taking hits
of the sacred smoke
Fire rips at their lungs
Holy mountain take us away

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

AITA for demanding my sister pay rent for living-at-home with my parents and refusing to pay my rent until she does?

Move out and :sever:

is obvious but I can't say I wouldn't be tempted to take/break approx. $400/month * 4 years worth of whatever expensive poo poo either of them have lying around. It wouldn't be a good idea, and it might come back to bite you in the rear end, but it would feel good as hell.

Nastyman fucked around with this message at 16:17 on Sep 13, 2019

# ? Sep 13, 2019 16:08

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

oh my god seriously try to guess the spoilers :allears:

I [28M] feel like my girlfriend [24F] is a bit self centered when it comes to our wrestling careers

quote:

We've been together 8 months, completely madly in love with each other, no issues except this one thing.

We are both professional wrestlers we met through the business and we both take it very seriously but I feel like she only really cares about her career and not both ours like I do.

We tend to work the same shows and afterwards she'll ask me for feedback which I give her in good detail and she'll break down her whole match and ask me to critique it, she doesn't do the same for me, the most I get is "yeah it was good... But what about when I did this part!?"

When it comes to training she really only ever wants to go through her stuff, I have to really push her to work through the stuff I want to practise.

I'll we'll send each other videos of stuff we want to do and she will rarely watch any I send.

I don't think she does it on purpose, she is passionate about professional wrestling, it's her whole life and she gets very wrapped in it which I think is awesome but here I am trying to push her to be the best and I kind of want her to push me back

Other than this I think she's perfect in every way I just don't know how to broach this, I've tried saying do you mind if we focus on my stuff today and she gets really defensive, takes it personally and refuses to work with me

Tl;Dr both me and my girlfriend share our passion but she only seems interested in my helping her rather than us both working together

# ? Sep 13, 2019 16:16

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

AITA for demanding my sister pay rent for living-at-home with my parents and refusing to pay my rent until she does?

Holy hell I would enraged if something like this happened with me and my brother. (I don't live at home, but just thinking about it is maddening).

# ? Sep 13, 2019 16:18

Patrick Spens: Jul 21, 2006; "Every quarterback says they've got guts, But how many have actually seen 'em?"; Pillbug

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

oh my god seriously try to guess the spoilers

I [28M] feel like my girlfriend [24F] is a bit self centered when it comes to our wrestling careers

Ahahaha, god drat.

# ? Sep 13, 2019 16:19

Coredump: Dec 1, 2002

UZR IS BULLSHIT posted:

You're a huge loving rear end in a top hat for putting the FA in that position, yes

Seems like that's the FA's job? He did ask the woman himself he said. If his legs are being pressed on to cause discomfort I don't think he should just suffer if the woman in front of him can lean forward without experiencing pain but refused to. Its not like he's in pain because he's fat, its because he's tall and he can't change that.

# ? Sep 13, 2019 16:22

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

Scathach posted:

I was expecting the rear end-kicker to be the imaginary friend.

quote:

"Bunny's gonna gently caress you up."

# ? Sep 13, 2019 16:23

UZR IS BULLSHIT: Jan 25, 2004

Coredump posted:

Seems like that's the FA's job? He did ask the woman himself he said. If his legs are being pressed on to cause discomfort I don't think he should just suffer if the woman in front of him can lean forward without experiencing pain but refused to. Its not like he's in pain because he's fat, its because he's tall and he can't change that.

The flight attendant doesn't install the chairs

# ? Sep 13, 2019 16:25

DandyLion: Jun 24, 2010; disrespectul Deciever

Coredump posted:

Seems like that's the FA's job? He did ask the woman himself he said. If his legs are being pressed on to cause discomfort I don't think he should just suffer if the woman in front of him can lean forward without experiencing pain but refused to. Its not like he's in pain because he's fat, its because he's tall and he can't change that.

Yeah I wonder if its not also a safety issue since someone of his height would effectively be pinned into the seat.

# ? Sep 13, 2019 16:25

Sunswipe: Feb 5, 2016; by Fluffdaddy

Airlines should stop installing reclining chairs.

# ? Sep 13, 2019 16:25

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for not saying no when asked to have kids?

quote:

(PLEASE READ ALL EDITS AT THE END) Sorry for the confusing title, there�s no easy way to explain this. (I know this reads bad, just letting you know I never planned on either donating or sleeping with her)

Ok. So my girlfriend (24F) and I (23M) were asked out to lunch by our good friend (24F). She said she had something important to ask us so we heard her out.

At lunch she asked me if I would become the father of her child. I�ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a few years now and this took us both off guard. Basically, she said she wants my genes for her kid. I knew she had a crush on me for a while now, but I didn�t have any clue about this. To make the situation worse, she doesn�t like the idea of sperm donation and just wants to have a one night stand with me in order to get pregnant.

My girlfriend was understandably livid. I had absolutely NO intention on having a one night stand with her, but I wasn�t so quick to oppose sperm donation verbally. I WAS NOT GOING TO AGREE. but just didn�t say anything . I didn�t think it was that insulting to my gf at first and was more confused than anything. Both my girlfriend and I weren�t planning to have any kids or anything like that and our friend promised us I could sign a contract so I could never be held responsible for child support.

Point is, my girlfriend is mad at me because I didn�t outwardly and verbally reject the idea of having another woman�s baby. I DO NOT want to and DO NOT plan to. I�m just baffled by the whole thing, but apparently I�m an rear end in a top hat for not being so quick to reject this. (again, to clear up confusion I NEVER considered being a donor, just didn�t say anything)

Am I? Should I be so quick to say �of course not!� AITA for not saying no abruptly? I said I wasn�t going to sleep with our friend... but my girlfriend still hates this whole idea. I haven�t decided what I�m doing yet. I�m just confused.

Sorry if this makes no sense, I�m still a little out of it.

Edit: just making it clear, I told my friend I am definitely NOT going to sleep with her. I am NOT going to donate. Trying to be as clear as possible. I just didn�t quickly shut down the whole sperm donation idea quickly. I DO NOT want to do it, but I think I sounded like I was entertaining the idea. Which I�m NOT. I just was at a loss for words at the moment. I think my silence sounded like I was considering it.

Though after reading this thread I think I should�ve shut it down faster and clearer... My girlfriend definitely gets some roses tomorrow for putting up with my dumbass.

Edit 2: Yeah, big old red flag here. I told her that I�m not going to become her sperm donor. I also asked if she�s going to continue with the idea of trying to get pregnant and she flat out said no. Big red flag. I got a phone call from her a few minutes ago where she said she loved me and whatnot, so I blocked her number. My girlfriend is pissed at her, understandably. So this is all just unfolding right now� At midnight.

Edit 3: OK, hopefully this is the last edit because for the most part I feel like it�s calming down� Or at least stabilizing. My girlfriend and I both apologized to each other. I explained I was caught off guard and that�s why my reaction wasn�t immediate. She apologized because she thinks she was taking out her frustrations on me when in reality she was frustrated with our �friend.� Speaking of, the ex friend left some voicemails on my girlfriend�s phone (I blocked her so I didn�t get any) The ranged all over the place from crying and begging for forgiveness to racial slurs directed at my girlfriend.... so. That friendship is severed.

In the comments I mentioned I had a stalker in the past, so I�m not playing any games. I called my godfather who helped me with my first stalker, he�s calling my work and friends/family, just in case they see her coming around. We might stay with him tonight. Just in case, I�m a little paranoid since I lived this before.

I�d like to thank you guys here on Reddit. This is my first time really opening up about something that I was genuinely confused about and I�ve heard a lot of feedback that open my eyes. I definitely need to work on phrasing of things and be a little bit more quick in my response time, especially when dealing with crazy. Sorry for all the edits in my original post, this blew up so fast and I wanted to make my situation abundantly clear. Thanks! (PS I now know a lot about sperm donation, never was considering it, but now I know that you cannot sign away responsibility. Which, if I ever did consider it I�m sure I would�ve researched but this is good to know upfront)

# ? Sep 13, 2019 16:26

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

Nastyman posted:

Move out and is obvious but I can't say I wouldn't be tempted to take/break approx. $400/month * 4 years worth of whatever expensive poo poo either of them have lying around. It wouldn't be a good idea, and it might come back to bite you in the rear end, but it would feel good as hell.

Reading the post & comments, I'm willing to bet dad is taking some of the OP's money to pay for the sister's car/insurance, but doesn't want to admit it because he & mom are doormats. I'd definitely be willing to torch that bridge & get my own place, gently caress paying for someone else's dumbass financial mistakes.

BOOTY-ADE fucked around with this message at 20:55 on Sep 13, 2019

# ? Sep 13, 2019 16:31

Pretty good: Apr 16, 2007

Guy shoulda made like one of those kids who constantly relentlessly kick the back of the seat in front of em for the entire duration of the flight tbh

Sunswipe posted:

Airlines should stop installing reclining chairs.

Also this, I literally only ever press that button if there's an empty seat or empty space behind me bc leaning back an extra ten degrees is not worth causing the person behind me to be boxed in worse than they already are

# ? Sep 13, 2019 16:35

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# ? May 30, 2024 11:55

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Jesus those parents are spineless pieces of poo poo. Also charging your daughter $800/month for rent? Wtf?

Dad: Pay rent.

Daughter: No.

Dad: Ooohhhhhh!!! Curses! Foiled again!!! *Throws hat on ground, stomps angrily*

# ? Sep 13, 2019 16:44

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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