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who said yelling at her was the problem? not me and I feel like I'm the only one dying on this hill. Emotions get heated and people have a pretty good reason to lose their nut in situations like that but the story clearly shows him having enough time to cool off and figure out another way to deal with the situation other than "abandon his partner on the side of the road" and while he's well within his rights to break up with her, the fact that she's actually seriously trying to salvage the relationship when thats how he reacts is deeply troubling and indicative of long-term abusive behaviour on his part.
Jezza of OZPOS fucked around with this message at 04:27 on Oct 8, 2019 |
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Oct 8, 2019 04:24
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Malcolm Turnbeug posted:who said yelling at her was the problem? not me and I feel like I'm the only one dying on this hill. Emotions get heated and people have a pretty good reason to lose their nut in situations like that but the story clearly shows him having enough time to cool off and figure out another way to deal with the situation other than "abandon his partner on the side of the road" and while he's well within his rights to break up with her, the fact that she's actually seriously trying to salvage the relationship when thats how he reacts is deeply troubling and indicative of long-term abusive behaviour on his part. Lol That’s pretty good. I appreciate that he’s probably an abuser now.
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Oct 8, 2019 04:29
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how do you have so many posts itt and not have an intuitive grasp on the signs of abusive behaviour lmao
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Oct 8, 2019 04:30
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quote:While he's being yelled at, I don't get out of the car and let him be punished for something I did. When he gets back in and starts driving, he's gripping the steering wheel so hard that the veins on his arms are popping out. His entire face is red and he hasn't said anything to me. To try and break the tension a little, I say "Well, that could've gone a lot worse."
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Oct 8, 2019 04:36
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When someone tries to actively interfere with your driving and causes a crash and acts like there's no big deal about it the only sensible thing is to remove them from the vehicle since there's no indication they won't do it again
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Oct 8, 2019 04:37
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Ghost Leviathan posted:When someone tries to actively interfere with your driving and causes a crash and acts like there's no big deal about it the only sensible thing is to remove them from the vehicle since there's no indication they won't do it again That’s indicative of abusive behavior though and wrong. Clearly.
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Oct 8, 2019 04:39
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AITA for not paying for an equally extravagant wedding for my oldest daughter?quote:We have two daughters, Jody who is 26 and Hanna who is 28.
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Oct 8, 2019 04:39
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Wonder which kid they liked more growing up
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Oct 8, 2019 04:44
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:pick can back me up but there's a sort of woman who, when presented with the opportunities to do so in a judgement free zone, will openly fantasize about everyone they know boning, and develop extremely convoluted dramatic arcs about lust and betrayal in the process of doing so. absolutely. this is actually not me, I find it creepy, but there is absolutely this type of person. it's awful. this is why jane austen novels and fanfic exists, so such persons have alternate releases
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Oct 8, 2019 04:45
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Danaru posted:"Its simply unprofessional to poop at work" I say while licking a boot so hard I end up eating it like a duck ducks do this
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Oct 8, 2019 04:47
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My (23F) fiance (29M) falls asleep during any important conversation that stresses him out. [new] submitted an hour ago by SeaDots quote:
fainting_goats.gifv
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Oct 8, 2019 04:47
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She asks for his help to plan the wedding and falls asleep for a hundred years
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Oct 8, 2019 04:49
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Motronic posted:My (23F) fiance (29M) falls asleep during any important conversation that stresses him out. [new] I read the title and I knew it was his fight or flight response. There are things you can do to work on that but you really gotta want to do it and I get the impression he doesn’t really wanna. Also lol at him wanting to be a doctor in the military with that poo poo going on.
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Oct 8, 2019 04:50
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ad090 posted:AITA for not paying for an equally extravagant wedding for my oldest daughter? wow. many bad decisions here.
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Oct 8, 2019 04:50
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My wife [32F] thinks I [31M] am an embarrassment in social situations. My wife is an extrovert and needs to be around people. She expects me to accompany her to social events every weekend. When I do, she finds my behavior embarrassing and upsetting. At some points in the past, I suspected that she felt this way, but she explicitly confirmed it this weekend, and I've reached a point where I feel exhausted by what I perceive as her palpable disappointment. Before her confirmation, I felt better equipped to handle that disappointment - ignorance is bliss I suppose. Now it seems like it's too pervasive to let go. A few nights ago, we were both a little bit stoned, watching something on Netflix, and she started telling me how much anxiety her friend's husband has. Earlier that day, we'd gone on a hike with the other couple, and my wife had consciously taken stock of a list of idiosyncracies that her friend's husband exhibited. She recounted them to me - using each one as a evidence of an abnormally high level of anxiety. This isn't necessarily out of character for her - she's a psychologist and analyzes human behavior for a living. But what I - in my admittedly high state - found distressing was that so many of the idiosyncracies she noted seemed to me well within the bounds of typical behavior. I told her that since so many of her friend's husband's behaviors seemed weird to her, it made me uncomfortable to think about the encyclopedia of disfunction that she must keep on me. She, also stoned, admitted that she'd been keeping track of my behavior during the hike as well. She kept a literal count of how many times I contributed to the conversation, whether I was walking too far ahead of the group, the fact that I had sent a snap (about 5 seconds and completely wordless) to a friend when we were at a scenic point of the hike, etc. Her determination was that I'd been too removed for her liking during the first half of the hike but that I'd done slightly better in the second half. Hearing that was hard for me because I felt like I'd been pretty engaged the whole time. She went on to say that my behavior in group settings has been distressing to her for a long time. So much so that she's really only now getting to the point where she's mostly ok with my behavior when we spend time with her best friend and her friend's husband - a (different) couple we've seen regularly for the past 7 or 8 years. I was surprised and hurt by the confirmation that my wife is constantly grading the quality of my interactions with her friends and, more often than not, finding me wanting. I always felt like I had an easy rapport with all of her friends. But after listening to my wife grade my social skills, it seems that I don't - at least in her eyes. She's an extrovert by nature and gets energized by interacting with people. I'm an introvert, and to be fair, I do have some standard social anxiety - although I don't think it reaches a level that impairs my ability to navigate typical social situations (I suppose I could be wrong about this). Anyway, I'm worried about the future - my wife has a visceral and understandable need (given her extroversion) to be in social situations, and from the sound of it, I am an inveterate embarrassment to her when I attend. What's more, my not attending isn't really an option - she expects me to accompany her to about 95% of the things that she does with her friends. These feelings are coming to a head because of her direct, marijuana-induced confirmation. So obviously, she did an OK job of hiding her frustrations. Still, on several levels, I hate the idea that she is ashamed of me. For one, I'm embarrassed for my own sake - maybe I'm a creep and everyone feels uncomfortable around me. I'm upset over what feels like incredible condescension on her part - like I'm a science experiment to be carefully measured (as I said, she's a psychologist, so I don't know if she can turn off the analysis). I also feel like her criticism doesn't account for group dynamics - she is an extrovert and takes much more 'space' in a typical conversation than I do, especially so with her best friends. She actually yelled at me a couple of weeks ago because she thought I was more engaged with a group of my friends than I usually am with hers. I haven't hung out with that group of (my) friends since then, and we've seen her friends several weekends in a row. I don't know what to do going forward. She will continue to require my attendance at social events - principally ones where we see 'her' people - and I fear that unless I transform into an extrovert, I will continue to disappoint her, which will, in turn, breed unsustainable resentment if not outright contempt between the two of us. TL;DR - wife told me she has been embarrassed by my behavior amongst her friends for the better part of decade. I don’t know what to do.
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Oct 8, 2019 04:55
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Pick posted:ducks do this 
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Oct 8, 2019 05:03
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guys what i wrote about isn't weird. women aren't weird for having idle sexual fantasies. guys do this too we just don't fixate on it because we haven't had society try and violently beat the sex out of us for several hundreds of years.HIJK posted:what baffles me is why those kinds of people share that stuff, if you're going to do it.......well okay, I guess no one can stop you, but how do you not bury it in into a secret account and tell no one? that stuff is considered creepy for a reason i see this going down in two ways 1) I think it's funny, why wouldn't anyone else? 2) MAYBE WE'LL gently caress either way for the lady it's worth the risk.
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Oct 8, 2019 05:05
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Smirking_Serpent posted:My wife [32F] thinks I [31M] am an embarrassment in social situations. Well that’s one way to nuke a relationship. She also sounds kinda exhausting. He’s never gonna measure up and he needs to just 
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Oct 8, 2019 05:08
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Our friend[31f] is demanding we [31m] [27f] [25f] [30m] [31m] apologize after she refused to pay cover for an exclusive night club and we left her. I have known my friend Cindy for 3 years. My friends and I were going to a pretty exclusive night club in Manhattan. Now I don’t do this often because it’s a pretty expensive habit. It was a big group of us in total 6 of us some guys and some girls. Now my friend Cindy joined us and we have been friends for a bit. We had been standing in line for about 35 mins. When it was our turn the bouncer let two of our female friends through guessing it was because they were younger. However for Cindy and the other guys they charged us a minimum bar tab. Cindy then starts arguing with the bouncer saying that how come he let our other female friends through. We try to defuse the situation and even offer to pay for her bar tab. She then says she is going to leave, and expects us to join her. We basically all stay and she leaves by herself in tears. After this she is angry with everyone in our group especially the girls in the group that got in free. She has told everyone she can about what happened about how we supported the devaluing of women. I don’t think I was an rear end in a top hat at all, we offered to pay for her to get in, and I don’t see how she can invoke gender equality when she was perfectly fine with us guys having to pay the bar tab. I would like to put this situation behind us as a friend group but Cindy is expecting an apology. Tl;dr-went out to a night club with a group of friends. Our friend Cindy was denied entrance but our other female friends got in. She is furious with us and expects an apology.
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Oct 8, 2019 05:08
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ad090 posted:AITA for not paying for an equally extravagant wedding for my oldest daughter? "We saved a 50k fund for each of our children, but then we randomly decided to take 15k from one to give to the other and now the one that's getting half as much is upset even though it's her own fault we decided to stiff her. Also, we're the kind of people that describe a 65k wedding as 'decent sized' and the guillotine hole is too small for my fat neck, what do I do???"
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Oct 8, 2019 05:13
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Straight White Shark posted:"We saved a 50k fund for each of our children, but then we randomly decided to take 15k from one to give to the other and now the one that's getting half as much is upset even though it's her own fault we decided to stiff her. Also, we're the kind of people that describe a 65k wedding as 'decent sized' and the guillotine hole is too small for my fat neck, what do I do???" you're not giving full credit to them having 100k in wedding funds, but having a retirement plan thrown off-course by a 30k unexpected expense
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Oct 8, 2019 05:16
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Does hotornot.com still exist? If so Cindy can get the outside consultation she needs. Pick posted:you're not giving full credit to them having 100k in wedding funds, but having a retirement plan thrown off-course by a 30k unexpected expense I got to this part and then started doing that head tilt dogs do when they are confused
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Oct 8, 2019 05:18
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Smirking_Serpent posted:My wife [32F] thinks I [31M] am an embarrassment in social situations. Dump your trash wife. ad090 posted:AITA for not paying for an equally extravagant wedding for my oldest daughter? YTA. And you know it. Malcolm Turnbeug posted:who said yelling at her was the problem? not me and I feel like I'm the only one dying on this hill. Emotions get heated and people have a pretty good reason to lose their nut in situations like that but the story clearly shows him having enough time to cool off and figure out another way to deal with the situation other than "abandon his partner on the side of the road" and while he's well within his rights to break up with her, the fact that she's actually seriously trying to salvage the relationship when thats how he reacts is deeply troubling and indicative of long-term abusive behaviour on his part. She literally could have killed both of them and any number of other drivers, cyclists, pedestrians, or other bystanders. Leaving her on the road is really the only correct response that does not involve reporting her behavior to police or enacting violence upon her. It is probably the most cool headed appropriate response. If you think he's abusive for dumping someone on the side of the road who tried to kill him then your brain is broken.
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Oct 8, 2019 05:23
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Pick posted:you're not giving full credit to them having 100k in wedding funds, but having a retirement plan thrown off-course by a 30k unexpected expense This is the most boomer thing
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Oct 8, 2019 05:25
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Pick posted:you're not giving full credit to them having 100k in wedding funds, but having a retirement plan thrown off-course by a 30k unexpected expense I figured he meant "mess with" less in the sense of it actually being a big enough dent to gently caress up their retirement planning, and more just about THE PRINCIPLE of it all but yeah they almost assuredly were planning on blowing >10% of their net worth on weddings
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Oct 8, 2019 05:30
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Malcolm Turnbeug posted:who said yelling at her was the problem? not me and I feel like I'm the only one dying on this hill. Emotions get heated and people have a pretty good reason to lose their nut in situations like that but the story clearly shows him having enough time to cool off and figure out another way to deal with the situation other than "abandon his partner on the side of the road" and while he's well within his rights to break up with her, the fact that she's actually seriously trying to salvage the relationship when thats how he reacts is deeply troubling and indicative of long-term abusive behaviour on his part. You're an idiot. There's a reason you're the only one on that hill.
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Oct 8, 2019 05:48
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He got circumsized for me, but can i cut and run?quote:Dear How to Do It, quote:Dear Snippy,
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Oct 8, 2019 05:52
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"Introverts" and "extroverts" aren't a real thing and hike husband's life would probably be a lot easier if he weren't hung up about his Category Of Human but wife still absolutely sucks rear end and he is definitely way more sensitive to other people's feelings than she is
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Oct 8, 2019 05:53
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The Big Word posted:"Introverts" and "extroverts" aren't a real thing and hike husband's life would probably be a lot easier if he weren't hung up about his Category Of Human but wife still absolutely sucks rear end and he is definitely way more sensitive to other people's feelings than she is What’s a “rambling man” though, like a combo of extrovert and introvert? 
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Oct 8, 2019 05:57
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That sounds like a subcategory of hiker dude, to me.
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Oct 8, 2019 06:05
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AITA - He wastes so much food. I maybe overreacted. My boyfriend frequently takes ridiculous large portions of food, smothers them in ridiculous amounts of hot sauce and has a lot left over. I get upset because if he just took a reasonable portion there would be plenty of leftovers for the rest of the family, but of course nobody wants to eat what was left over from his plate. I have told him he is wasting food and should take a reasonable portion, then take more. Many times. We have plenty of money, and usually lots of food to go around. I have told him there is no scarcity, he doesn’t need to “get his” or starve. On any given day looking in the fridge, many of the leftovers are unusable case they were "just his" off the plate he was eating from. And even if someone could get past that and eat it anyway he has ruined them with tons of sauce A couple nights ago my son and brother made a spectacular pizza and they were both curious if there was any left, I didn't see any, but they both would have loved to have more. I was rummaging in the fridge this morning for something for my son’s lunch and was happy to find the last piece of pizza in a baggie. I turn it over and its got about half a cup of hot sauce in it. There is no reason to store an intact piece of pizza soaking in hot sauce. In a baggie. I was running late and fuming. So I was so upset I went and woke him up, just to give him poo poo, and then left for work without saying goodbye, and I threw the piece of pizza in the garbage. AITA?
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Oct 8, 2019 06:05
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA - He wastes so much food. I maybe overreacted. Throw the whole boyfriend away.
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Oct 8, 2019 06:10
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DemoneeHo posted:He got circumsized for me, but can i cut and run? The one line summary was way worse than the content! Dude had a medical condition, she just happened to point it out to him.
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Oct 8, 2019 06:14
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Cover him in hot sauce first
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Oct 8, 2019 06:14
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA - He wastes so much food. I maybe overreacted. and move on. You don't have time for this. Your son doesn't have time for this. This poo poo will grind you down to a paste, and then he'll put hot sauce on that paste and forget about you in the back of the fridge. Don't let that happen to you.
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Oct 8, 2019 06:17
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AITA for telling an employee that she is NOT allowed to take a day off to grieve for her dog that died? I’m not going to give too many details about my job, but I will say that I work in a corporate office where the staff is well-paid with good benefits. This one employee (who I will call Stacy) is decent at what she does. However, she takes more personal days than most people, for whatever reason. We have a certain number set aside but they aren’t really meant to be used as vacation days. Stacy called in a little while ago sobbing and saying that her dog she’s had for 10 years died and she was too distraught to come to work today. I remember her talking a lot about the dog being very sick a few weeks back, so I believe she was telling the truth. I said I was very sorry to hear about the dog but that, unfortunately, she had already maxed out her personal days for the year. (Which is true - we have an online system that tracks this). Stacy said she didn’t realize she had run out of personal days. She then asked if she could take a 1-day bereavement period. Now, we do have a policy for death. Immediate family = 5 weekdays off, paid. Extended family = 2 weekdays off. Certain other enumerated categories of people = 1 weekday off. All of these terms are defined in the company policy and it is very clear that it refers to people. So I told Stacy that her dog’s death does not fall within the scope of the policy. Stacy became increasingly upset and said she didn’t feel the system was meant to be so “rigid” and “oppressive”. She then asked if I could just count this as a sick day and log it in the system as that. Now, I technically could (incorrectly) log this in the system as a sick day, and she does have some left. But, frankly, I was not inclined to do it. We are all extremely busy and tons of people at the office have a lot going on in their personal lives. They still show up. So I told her I couldn’t do that. I said if she didn’t show up it would be an unexcused absence and that I would be reviewing her attendance record carefully to determine if there were grounds for her termination. Stacy expressed her “disappointment” and “disgust” but said she’s coming in. AITA?
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Oct 8, 2019 06:21
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Smirking_Serpent posted:However, she takes more personal days than most people, for whatever reason. We have a certain number set aside but they aren’t really meant to be used as vacation days. "How dare this employee make use of days off she is entitled to in her employment contract!" 
Resting Lich Face fucked around with this message at 06:27 on Oct 8, 2019 |
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Oct 8, 2019 06:24
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AITA for telling my biological son that he is adopted? I (36M) typically have a pretty good relationship with my son, Jake (12M). However, sometimes he can be a handful and although I try not to, I occasionally lose my temper. A few days ago, I get a call from Jake's school about him acting up in class. The teacher told me about some of his actions, which included pushing a female classmate, and I was pretty disturbed. I pick him up from school early since the principal said he had to leave for the day, and I start lecturing him in the car (I wasn't yelling). This sets Jake off, and he starts yelling that he hates me, and wishes I wasn't his dad. This really hurt me, as I always try to be a good father to him and I felt this was really below the belt. So I responded: "You're in luck, I'm not your dad. Your mother and I adopted you." Jake starts bawling, and hasn't spoken to me since. To clarify, Jake is my biological son, I only said that as a response to what he said to me. My wife thinks I'm TA, and that I should tell him that it's not true (she has already tried but he doesn't believe her). I feel like if I tell him the truth then I am admitting to lying, and he will never trust me again. I think the best course of action could be to let things settle down and let my "lie" blow over. AITA for telling my biological son that he is adopted?
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Oct 8, 2019 06:44
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HMS Beagle posted:AITA for telling my biological son that he is adopted? I know the thread is gonna crucify this guy (and what he said is definitely hosed up) but people gently caress up and say dumb hurtful poo poo when angry all the time. What I'm saying is crucify this guy for not wanting to apologize, not for making a mistake when angry.
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Oct 8, 2019 06:47
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Resting Lich Face posted:"How dare this employee make use of days off she is entitled to in her employment contract!" She's asking to use additional days that other people don't get, and equating the loss of a dog with the loss of a human. OP is right to deny the leave.
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Oct 8, 2019 06:49
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