Pvt.Scott posted:

I am, of course, simply projecting my own experiences with people onto the situation. I was less taking issue with the OP than flailing ineffectually at the platonic ur-Karen strawman, whose imperfect reflections I have had the pleasure of encountering. This is not fair to the OP, so I will cop to that.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

I (21 F) matched with a guy on Tinder who looks like European nobility...do you think he is real or fake?

TL;DR: Matched with a seemingly rich aristocratic guy, could a person like this be legit or fake?

Smirking_Serpent posted:

I [19f] unwittingly pressured a guy [19m] to tell me he was adopted on a date. Don't know if I should apologize or just let it go?

He has a sister who is basically his same age, removed a few months, like 2 or 3, I'm not sure.

I know because the three of us study different majors that share some classes and I see them a lot with some mutual friends. Sometimes we hang out in get togethers.

I have spoken mostly with him and have had a huge crush on him since pretty much forever. I have also talked with his sister but much less. They're both pretty chill and intelligent.

Early this year he had his birthday and then something like 3 months later she had her birthday and it was pretty wild to me since I assumed they were twins, but they don't look alike that much, and nobody said anything about anything, so that seemed interesting and unusual for me.

So I asked him out recently, he said yes (!!) and we had a pretty good first date. On the second date I asked him about the whole thing with his sister, about how they are only a few months apart and how they didn't really look like each other, and ended up asking something like "what is up with you two?" and laughed.

He smiled and was very polite but turned pretty sad when he said they had both been adopted separately and that explained everything. There was an awkward silence later and I apologized for intruding like that, but he said it was OK and we managed to have a pretty normal date after that.

So, even though he took it pretty well I feel like he wouldn't have revealed that so soon if I hadn't said anything about. We had never talked about anything about his family so I feel like he felt a little cornered, like he didn't want to say it but also didn't want to lie so he said it.

Did I gently caress up? Should I do something about it or just let it go? We've been texting pretty normally since the date, so I don't know if apologizing again would be a good idea or not.

tl;dr: Had a crush on a guy and asked him out. On the second date, I asked him about his unusually short age gap with his sister, and he revealed they are both adopted. I fear he wouldn't have said it so soon without me asking and fear I could have hurt him. What should I do now?

Three Olives posted:

Lover actually doesn't mean person you are having sex with, it just means someone you are in a romantic relationship that is more significant than boyfriend/girlfriend but not married, it lost favor to "partner" not too long ago.

Talk to any gay man over the age of say, 55? and you will hear them use "lover" casually. I mean, yes, obviously they were loving too, it's gay men, but that is not what it is meant to connotate.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not giving the source of my beaded earrings to a white woman?

I was born on a Res and lived there for most of my life until going to college in a nearby state. In my community, we have a number of talented women who are amazing at beading. They make some truly remarkable stuff. Caveat is that they will only sell or trade to other people from the community, and possibly another tribal group. It's just how they do it.

I have 30 or so pairs of all kinds and wear them with pride. Almost every day I wear a brick stitch earring of some kind, it's just part of who I am, where I'm from, etc. Brings me a lot of joy.

Anyway a woman at work has really fallen in love with them. She compliments them and examines them. No issue there. Lots of people do. One day recently though, she asked me where I got them and if the person has an "Etsy" shop or something where she can buy her own. This woman is white with not a drop of the heritage in her, by her own admission.

Now... personally I have no issue with white people wearing the earrings! It's not about that. Wear whatever you want. But the women in my community do not sell them to outsiders (again, for the most part). It's just not done.

I told her no, and she asked for the contact information so she could commission a pair. I told her no again, that the person who makes them is very particular about who she makes them for. She kept pressing me, telling me "Well let her make that decision!" and stuff like that.

I got tired of this and told her, point blank, this person will not create or sell anything for you because you are white. She got extremely upset and threatened to make a statement to HR about me being racially discriminating.

AITA?

My reasoning is that if she wants beaded earrings, she can learn to make them herself, she can buy them from anyone else (there are so many white women on etsy who make "boho style" earrings), etc. She is merely upset because this one person will not cater to her.

DeadMansSuspenders posted:

My closest friends [19-20M] all cheated on their girlfriends last night with the one person [20F]

SilvergunSuperman posted:

So all his friends were on board with her extremely believable gooey dried up hairspray explanation?

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My (23m) girlfriend (28f) can't look after herself and it's stressing me out.

quote:

It sounds really silly but please hear me out. Watching the show made me realize that it’s not ridiculous to wish he would put the same effort into his dress and appearance that I do. I’ve brought it up to him that I really love it when he wears certain things and that it’s important to me that we make an equal effort to be a sharply dressed couple.

Last week we attended a family function of his in celebration of his sister’s baby. His brother-in-law’s family planned the event and paid for the restaurant and his whole immediate family was in attendance. Everyone at the event was dressed nicely, the men either in button up shirts or even full suits.

Before we left, I put on a dress and nice shoes, and put some time into getting ready and putting my best foot forward at his family event. He opted for a stretched out, lint covered sweater, the same faded green joggers he wears everyday, and the same sneakers and same faded hat he wears everyday. I expressed my dismay, trying to frame it in the mindset that we were taking lots of pictures at the event, including family portraits, and I wanted us to look nice and put together as a couple. He argued with me and told me he was comfortable and his mom said his outfit was fine. We stopped by his sister’s house before we went to the dinner, and it wasn’t until he saw his brother-in-law in a button up shirt that he took me seriously and texted his brother to bring him a change of clothes.

I still feel frustrated that he doesn’t have the desire for us to look nice together and that even my desire for that wasn’t enough for him to want to make an effort. Am I being unreasonable? I just wish he would wear his flannels, and patterned button ups more often, and wear the lint-y sweaters and sweatpants on the weekends or something. I’ve tried to be really nice about it and I’ve bought him a lot of clothes as well. Last summer, he was wearing swim trunks as shorts everywhere, even at nice events, and so I bought him some really flattering, much better shorts that he liked from Uniqlo. He tells me he can never find clothes but I know it’s not true and he just doesn’t try.

He cuts his own hair as well which can end up pretty goofy sometimes. Even he expressed that it’s probably time to shell out and go to a barber which I was pretty stoked about. Instead, he did a self-cut again. I was on Instagram looking for a barber and he didn’t seem to care in the least. He told me his max budget was $20 AUD and didn’t seem bothered to take a look at the different styles. He just ends up covering his shaggy hair up with the faded hat.

I hate being brushed off when I try to address this and he frequently calls me shallow for wanting him to look nice. I want him to have more confidence and I want him to feel bold about presenting his unique style to the world. He does have a nice aesthetic, it just doesn’t come through with his appearance. I wish he would care enough to make the effort for himself and I think he would feel much better if he put his best foot forward on occasion. I don’t know what to do and I’d really like to hear some thoughts on this so I know whether or not I’m being crazy.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My (23m) girlfriend (28f) can't look after herself and it's stressing me out.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My (23m) girlfriend (28f) can't look after herself and it's stressing me out.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

When she eats she is really messy, (especially with chocolate or sauce) gets food smeared all round her mouth, on her hands, on her forehead somehow, on her clothes, on the bed, and doesn't clean up any of this.

HOT BREAD! posted:

How do you get to be 28 and unable to tie your own shoes and not die of embarrassment?

HOT BREAD! posted:

I (21 F) think I’m less attracted to my boyfriend (22 M) after seeing Queer Eye.

HOT BREAD! posted:

How do you get to be 28 and unable to tie your own shoes and not die of embarrassment? How does she walk around, with the laces just flopping around like Chuckie Finster? Velcro shoes? Flip flops? CROCS??? Does her boyfriend tie them up for her every day when her dad isn't there to do it?? god drat!!

LadyPictureShow posted:

Jesus, it sounds like he's dating a two year old instead of a 28 year old.

Ouhei posted:

Even if she did, she'd probably leave him for doing nothing about it after the fact.

I would definitely tell my SO about that poo poo as soon as I got home and then figure out with her if we're about to light our social circle on fire (I would).

quote:

My friend and I are interested in science. We also think that rimjobs are fun to give (me) and receive (her).

She does molecular biology and has plenty of experience using lab equipment to examine bacteria and fungal pathogens. The procedure to study how disgusting a given surface is, is pretty straightforward—you’ve probably done this yourself in middle school science class.

Using multiple swabs (to get a good average), we tested several surfaces:

-a “clean” kitchen counter

-my dick, her vulva

-both of our upper backs

-both of our anuses after showering and washing in there with soap.

Greatest amount, and most diverse growths: kitchen counter. Next for some reason was my upper back (I promise I shower...maybe my skin sheds a lot?). After that, our anuses, dicks, and vulva growths looked almost completely identical.

quote:

So I’ve been with my SO for 2 years now. His dad is white and his mother is Chinese but she was raised in Santa Barbara, California. Since the time he started dating, they made it really clear to him to never bring home a Mexican, black girl, or Korean. I understand that some old people are totally against interracial couples but I’ve been with my guy for 2 years and they have made it very clear to him that they want him to be with an Asian girl. Even while we have been dating. Specifically Chinese. When we started dating his mom tried setting him up with a Chinese co worker of hers. His dad has said some really vulgar things about me because of my race, stuff like “she is as good as dirt” and “she will never amount to anything.” They blame me for everything. They always ask him if he’s still considering being with me in hopes that he changes his mind. I’ve cried so many times because I love their son so much and we’ve accomplished so many things together including traveling but they still only see me as my race. I’m proud of who I am and where I come from but when someone belittles you because of your ethnicity, it’s just another type of pain. I wish I didn’t care what they thought, but these are the parents of the person I love and I can’t just erase them from our lives(as much as I’d want to). I have never treated them with any disrespect but I cannot say the same for them.

DemoneeHo posted:

This isn't really a relationships story, and probably should go in either the biology thread or AUG, but i'm too lazy

After that, our anuses, dicks, and vulva growths looked almost completely identical.

Barudak posted:

They dont support interracial relationships, are white and chinese.

We did it everyone! Get out the balloons because CHINESE PEOPLE ARE LEGALLY WHITE NOW!

Barudak posted:

They dont support interracial relationships, are white and chinese.

We did it everyone! Get out the balloons because CHINESE PEOPLE ARE LEGALLY WHITE NOW!

luxury handset posted:

OP's roommate's boyfriend immediately loses the argument as soon as he says something like "heh you sound like such a <meme>" and the OP says "what's <meme>?"

if you have to give someone you're insulting a primer on ephemeral internet bullshit to get them to understand why they should feel your disapproval, you lose

Ask a Manager posted:

My coworker, Lenora, is the oldest person in our office. She is generally friendly, cheerful, and a hard worker. However, despite her genuinely sweet nature, she is about to drive us all up the wall. In short, she wants us to be happy all of the time, and she has made it her personal mission to make this happen.

She is constantly haranguing myself and all the other admin to smile, be more cheerful, etc. Conversations with her generally go like this:

Lenora: How are you today?
Me: Oh I’m just fine, thanks for asking.
Lenora: Just fine?! Surely you’re WONDERFUL, right? After all, we’re here and healthy and we have good jobs, so what is there to mope about?
Me: *awkward chuckle*

There are other things as well. When Lenora walks into meetings, she announces herself with, “Okay, now everyone turn those frowns upside down!”

She is constantly pushing us to use “more positive” language. For example, if we don’t do so well on a project and the client isn’t happy, we re-do the work. That’s normal for us. However, Lenora will tell everyone that we did GREAT on the project and it just wasn’t what the client wanted, but that’s not our fault! There’s certainly nothing wrong with encouraging people and being positive, but we need to be honest about our shortcomings so we can know where we need to improve.

She’ll also go up to people in the office and asks them why they’re not smiling. Then, when they say something like they were just thinking, she replies that it’s a beautiful day and there’s no reason to frown!

I could go on and on, but hopefully you get the idea. We’re not all a bunch of mopey curmudgeons here. This is a friendly, relaxed office and everyone does a good job. But we don’t sit here with smiles plastered on our faces 24 hours a day.

I also think Lenora’s comments can come off as very hurtful. We don’t know what’s going on in people’s personal lives, and pushing them to act extremely positive and happy can be detrimental to their mental and emotional health. I know I have suffered from depression in the past, and I couldn’t stand it if I were going through that right now and working with Lenora.

The thing is, we are all managed under one director of our department, and Lenora and the director are BFFs. I’ve worked here about three years, and I’ve never seen the director properly manage Lenora or scold her on anything, not even once. The director allows Lenora to do basically whatever she wants. That’s generally not a problem because Lenora does do her work, but it’s just this forced positivity that has gotten way out of control.

I’ve spoken with some other coworkers, and they are burned out with it also. We’d really like to just be left alone to manage our own emotions. Some days we are feeling a little down for one reason or another, and that’s okay. It’s part of life, and no one can be happy like that all the time (except for Lenora I guess).

I’m not sure if I should try to talk to our director, or if I should speak to Lenora directly, or what. But I think I might scream if I have to endure one more week of her reminding me to smile every time she sees me.

HMS Beagle posted:

AITA for wanting my boyfriend to move out of his moms house

Power Khan posted:

Israelis (m/f) who finish their service in the military usually go on a months long bender in thailand et al. These groups are the pretty....uh wild.

Pirate Radar posted:

Yeah. I stopped into a Burger King on my way home once in Bangkok and there were five Israeli guys ahead of me. They were all drunk as poo poo and shouting at each other in Hebrew, three of them were sitting at a table, one was trying to order, and the last was over at the ketchup dispenser. I stood behind the guy trying to order for a minute before I realized that what he wanted was five Whopper combos with no cheese, but since he was drunk and had an accent and English wasn’t the cashier’s first language either he couldn’t explain it to her. Except every time she didn’t understand he would repeat himself louder and lean in a little more, to the point that he was halfway across the counter and she had backed up against the drink machine, starting to edge away and glancing over at the fifth guy, because he had already gotten all the ketchup out into dozens of those little paper cups, and had decided he still needed more ketchup (the others found this hilarious) so he had grabbed the dispenser and had one foot up on the counter, trying to pry it out of its mounting. After we got things sorted out and everyone got their food I sat down and one of the guys turns to me and asks, in English, “hey, what country do you think we’re from?” as if this was the world’s greatest riddle. He was wearing an IDF t-shirt.

Bruceski posted:

At which point you say "Palestine" and run like Hell.

Haifisch posted:

quote:

Edited to include crucial details:

So far everyone seems to think I'm the rear end in a top hat here, so I am adding some details to fully contextualize how selfish and deceitful my wife is being here.

All that said, I have finally quit telling her how selfish I think she is, but there is a remaining problem: she distorts the amount of time she says she will take; she will say she is going to work out for 20 minutes then work out for 25 or 30 or even 35 minutes. Which fine, I wouldn't even care if she wanted to workout for longer than that. The point is she lies.

She looks me in the eye and deceives me. It sounds like I'm nickel and diming her about time but i failed to include the time when i had just buckled the kids in the car leaving on a weekend trip and she was unannounced working out inside after we're strapped in and ready to go. She said she wanted to workout before we left because she wouldn't get a chance once trapped in the car, but I had already gotten everything ready and she was doing cardio while we sat in the car.

And sometimes she would gaslight me by saying it's a 20 minute workout session video and it was a 35 minute video and she was going to warm up and cool down and take water breaks. That's not time management or bad estimates. That is deceit. That is manipulation.

Another time we were going outside to roast hotdogs, and she brought out the yoga mat to do yoga. "Hey kids lets go roast hotdogs" and unilateraly and unannounced decides as were going outside that she is checking out of this activity to workout. That time she said she would only do it for twenty minutes and she worked out for 28.

Another time at a hotel she said she would workout for thirty minutes and was gone for maybe 45.

Her explanation is that sometimes she has to pause the workout so it takes longer for her to finish than she said. Other times she will enjoy herself so much she will just go longer.

She doesn't see how she misrepresents her intentions and lies about how much time she will spend and how this matters. In our early dating months, I made her a lemon fish which she said she loved. I made it a few months later and she barely ate any. I asked why and she said she didn't like lemon. She had only said she liked it because she said she was impressed I had made dinner, she liked me, and she didn't want to hurt my feelings. But she misrepresents who she is in manipulative way to avoid reality and it's deceitful.

In my eyes she is a liar who doesn't respect me or the truth. In her eyes i am trying to control and dominate her by making her feel selfish. 

Am i the rear end in a top hat for asking her to workout in the mornings before the kids and i are awake or at the very least be precise about the length of her workouts? Or is she the rear end in a top hat for wanting to workout whenever she wants and then working out longer than she says she will? 

Pinecone Sample posted:

AITA for asking my wife to workout on her own time and be honest about how long she will workout or is she the rear end in a top hat for doing it whenever she wants and lying about how long she will do it?

Pinecone Sample posted:

AITA for asking my wife to workout on her own time and be honest about how long she will workout or is she the rear end in a top hat for doing it whenever she wants and lying about how long she will do it?

quote:

AITA for asking my wife to workout on her own time and be honest about how long she will workout or is she the rear end in a top hat for doing it whenever she wants and lying about how long she will do it?

Am i the rear end in a top hat for asking my wife to be honest and workout on her own time or is she the rear end in a top hat for lying and working out whenever she wants to?

How do I get my wife to stop nagging?

My wife won't stop nagging

How do I get my wife to stop nagging

Other post so long it got buried. Wife won't quit nagging

How do I get my wife to stop nagging

I think my wife is a narcissist because she is always unhappy

Wife is never happy no matter what I do

Wife is never satisfied no matter what I do.

Why is my wife always unhappy

Wife perpetually unhappy

Wife is always discontent

Wife always unhappy

Wife always mad

Pinecone Sample posted:

AITA for asking my wife to workout on her own time and be honest about how long she will workout or is she the rear end in a top hat for doing it whenever she wants and lying about how long she will do it?