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Julius CSAR
Oct 3, 2007

by sebmojo
Congrats! Your daughter is a sociopath!

:69snypa:

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Megillah Gorilla
Sep 22, 2003

If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.



Bread Liar

bell jar posted:

JWs are seriously scary people. I absolutely feel sorry for the daughter for being trapped in that loving cult

https://twitter.com/JaBogen/status/1109097735951663104

New Coke
Nov 28, 2009

WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING IN LIFE.

Grape posted:

Pick is honestly a really great antagonist.

I think it's a combination of the general trend in this thread of going with the most ungenerous interpretation of other people's posts possible and people's established animosity towards Pick herself, cause seriously:

Danaru posted:

:staredog: Have you guys seriously never had people constantly lying about how much they work to one-up everyone else because drat what an innocuous post to start an angry derail about

Side note: after 8-ish years of my being aware of the acronym 'SJW', my brain still conjures up Jehovah's Witnesses when I come across it.

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


Did my [F28] roommate [F24] go too far with her childish behavior about my cat?

quote:

I moved in with my roommate almost three months ago, and we've been getting along really well. We knew each other from before that (she's a co-worker) and we were always on friendly terms.

She's younger than me by 4 years, and she's very different in personality, but we didn't have a single fight. Whenever we had some disagreement, we'd resolve it by talking, which was something that had made me really happy about the situation I'm living in. Obviously, just like all of my previous roommates, she has a few faults, but I was always rather accepting and tried to make sure we're getting along despite that, or at least smooth things out or try to figure out ways of making compromises on both sides. One of her biggest faults is that she can't deal with situations on her own and she always needs me to be there or to coach her through stuff.

Now, I live pretty close to my parents (about half an hour away), and we have a cat. This cat absolutely loves my parents, and absolutely loves me (think of it as I'm his special hooman), and prefers to be with me at all times. He's a gentle cat that loves cuddles and kisses, and he's been staying with me with several roommates in the last apartment. He had a period of time in which he would accustom himself to each roommate (hiding from them, growling, or swatting at them because they're new people/new scents) but he'd always calm down and eventually accept them and get along with them. When I moved in with this roommate, the window banister was broken, and I was afraid my cat would walk on it and trip and fall. The landlord kept stalling and only finished fixing it two weeks ago.

My roommate had only one cat (which was a female kitten, that was in her care for half a year) previously and only dogs until then, and had been with her since birth. But because of that, she would act like a cat expert and constantly ask me to bring him over and that she can't wait to meet him. I was really happy about it, because although other roommates get along with my cat, that weren't super enthusiastic about it. I had warned her that cats aren't dogs and although she had a cat she cared for before this cat doesn't know her and will have to acclimate to his new surroundings, and it will take a time. She seemed to understand what I told her, but I don't think she had actually listened to me.

Obviously the cat is in new surroundings, in a new house (this wasn't the previous house I was staying at), so he's a bit cranky and he growls and doesn't live the room. She constantly tries to take him to her arms and baby him, and I tell her to stop because I see he's uncomfortable. The first time she stayed alone with him, he puked out a hairball, and she called me screaming that he's puking all over the house. I had left work early to get home and take him to the vet. I came home, and there's like a tiny puke spot on the floor (with the hairball). I let that slide. Afterwards my cat and her stopped getting along, because she would constantly try to pet him (even though I warned her several times to let him be if I'm not in the house). She decided my cat was evil and cruel, and would call him names and sort of accusingly blame me for not "training" him well. I prompted her that it'd be wise if she read up about cats online, since cats have normal behaviour patterns and if they act agressive, it's for a reason.

It all came down to a boil yesterday. I was having a nightshift, and she called me absolutely hysterical. From her words I could only understand that the cat went insane and was trying to hurt her. I flew out of work and took a cab home. I come to the apartment, and she's sitting with a broomstick in the kitchen on her phone. Alone.

I asked her where's the cat, she shrugs. I go to my room to find him napping on my bed (and probably for several minutes, because he had literally got up to stretch and come greet me. I was absolutely shocked. She basically couldn't deal with his growling so she touched his food stand and moved it to another room (our extra room) so he wouldn't bother her. She could've just swatted at him with the broomstick (I mean, if all else fails, he's super scared of the broomstick lol), but she couldn't deal with the situation, and called me in the middle of my work and got me abandoning everything, just to come and "rescue" her when she didn't even need any rescuing.

I was speechless and mad, and I almost never yell, but I yelled at her. Needless to say, I got my cat back home today.

I'm still unsure how to deal with the situation, because she's acting like this is all my fault because I need to educate my cat. Am I wrong for thinking she should've checked the internet about adult cat behavior if she agreed living with one? I keep trying to understand if I'm the one doing something wrong. She went to work early today, and she told all of our co-workers about this from her side, and some of them had called me concerned that the cat might be sick or aggressive and needs help and telling me to go easy on her. I'm pretty sure this was a request from her side, because usually they don't meddle into such things. One of our co-workers and my long time friend was really shocked about this, because she had known this cat and that he'd sit in her lap whenever she'd come over. Now I'm wondering if I had really taken things out of proportions and needed to just calm down and talk it out again.


tl;dr - my roommate can't deal with stressful situations on her own, wouldn't take responsibility on things, got my cat to behave aggressively towards her, and now blames me for everything.

Julius CSAR
Oct 3, 2007

by sebmojo

quote:

I asked her where's the cat, she shrugs. I go to my room to find him napping on my bed (and probably for several minutes, because he had literally got up to stretch and come greet me. I was absolutely shocked. She basically couldn't deal with his growling so she touched his food stand and moved it to another room (our extra room) so he wouldn't bother her. She could've just swatted at him with the broomstick (I mean, if all else fails, he's super scared of the broomstick lol), but she couldn't deal with the situation, and called me in the middle of my work and got me abandoning everything, just to come and "rescue" her when she didn't even need any rescuing.

These people are both complete idiots.

Three Olives
Apr 10, 2005

Don't forget Hitler's contributions to medicine.
The primary thing I know about JW is they are constantly leaving material entirely in Spanish on the front door of the house I share with my gay marriage husband.

I would very much like to explain to them how wrong they are to be wasting their time and literature on us but they only come during the hours adult humans would be at work so I just get an annoying video alert about their continued littering.

LyonsLions
Oct 10, 2008

I'm only using 18% of my full power !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The members have to pay for the tracts and Watchtowers they leave themselves. Also, they're awful. At the atomic bomb memorial in Hiroshima I saw some JW tracts strategically placed on a bench that said that the atomic bomb was punishment for not loving Jesus enough.

I had a JW friend in middle school who was a really nice kid, and I think he was under pressure to make some converts or something, so he brought me this book on evolution and begged me to read it. I felt really bad for him so I tried really hard to read the book, but about 3 pages in it was just too much bullshit for me, and when I gave him the book back, he looked like he was going to cry. Felt so bad for that kid.

Julius CSAR
Oct 3, 2007

by sebmojo

LyonsLions posted:

The members have to pay for the tracts and Watchtowers they leave themselves. Also, they're awful. At the atomic bomb memorial in Hiroshima I saw some JW tracts strategically placed on a bench that said that the atomic bomb was punishment for not loving Jesus enough.

I had a JW friend in middle school who was a really nice kid, and I think he was under pressure to make some converts or something, so he brought me this book on evolution and begged me to read it. I felt really bad for him so I tried really hard to read the book, but about 3 pages in it was just too much bullshit for me, and when I gave him the book back, he looked like he was going to cry. Felt so bad for that kid.

jfc that Hiroshima thing

emptyspace
Oct 21, 2008

Miss posted:

Did my [F28] roommate [F24] go too far with her childish behavior about my cat?

So not swatting at the cat with a broomstick is childish, and swatting him with the stick is a way to make him like you? I've been taming feral cats wrong this whole time.

DemoneeHo
Nov 9, 2017

Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca


AITA About Peeing?

quote:

My wife and I recently invitrd some friends over for a potluck style get together.

Barbara and BF, followed by Nancy and her H and 2K, Joyce and her H and 2K, and Max and her H and 5K (all under the age of 8).

Nancy uses the restroom and lets me know that someone missed. No problem! I get it cleaned up and join the rest of the adults. An hour later one of Joyce's kids comes running into the room exclaiming, "Dustin is peeing in the plants!" Max and my wife investigate and find that Dustin is peeing in my Ficus tree pot. Max apologizes, we clean up and move on with the night.

30 minutes into Smallfoot my daughter comes running up to us screaming, "Lucas is peeing on the floor!" Max and I go to the room to find Max's boys laughing as Lucas pees on our carpet. Barbara and Joyce look rather disgusted and make excuses to call it a night, leaving us with Max's family.

As we clean up the dishes my daughter once again starts yelling, my wife once again finds one of Max's boys peeing in the Ficus. Max's husband takes him to the bathroom. He runs out naked moments later, jumps on our sofa and continues to pee. My wife can see my patience growing thin as Max states that, "she is sorry but boys will be boys!"

My wife and I look at each other and state that we are getting tired and rather quickly get Max and her family out of our home.

We realize that the carpet will need to be replaced, and my Ficus tree will need to be re-potted. Not to mention the amount of wiping down our sofa will need.

A few days pass, and a group text starts between Barbara, Joyce, Nancy, and I.

B: It was really nice seeing everyone the other night, we should do it again soon:

J: It was! VaultBoy would you be okay hosting again? It was nice having the kids in one area and the adults in another, and your house is the only one big enough for that.

N: That works for me! VB might need to lay some puppy pads out though!

Me: Mrs. VB and I had a good time seeing you all, but I don't think that we really want Max and her kids over again due to the damage that they caused in our home. We are fine taking care of it, but Max never even apologized for the behaviour of her boys or anything.

B: Well she has 5 kids, you can't expect her to be able to watch them the whole time.

Me: I agree that she can't watch them directly the whole time, but she and her husband should still be able to teach them where to pee.

J: Can we try getting together again at your house VB? You should just let Max know that she needs to do a better job of trainikng her boys!

Me: I'm sorry, but we don't want to host another get together for a while. We would be happy to come to one of your houses though!

I feel bad that my wife and I really do not want Max and her family over to our home again, but also feel if a family visits someone else's home that they should have control over their children.

AITA for not wanting to host the next get together at our home? Or am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

The magical incantation that will get you out of any trouble "BOYS WILL BE BOYS!"

spacetoaster
Feb 10, 2014

DemoneeHo posted:

AITA About Peeing?


The magical incantation that will get you out of any trouble "BOYS WILL BE BOYS!"

Gotta do the cheerio game.

Meaning you turn it into a competition/challenge by throwing a cheerio into the toilet and telling him to try and sink it. He will never want to pee anywhere else again.

spacetoaster fucked around with this message at 05:25 on Oct 16, 2019

Three Olives
Apr 10, 2005

Don't forget Hitler's contributions to medicine.

DemoneeHo posted:

AITA About Peeing?


The magical incantation that will get you out of any trouble "BOYS WILL BE BOYS!"

quote:

B: Well she has 5 kids, you can't expect her to be able to watch them the whole time.

Yes! Yes! I Do!

I don't understand why parents act like children magically appear as burdens equally shared amongst everyone they come across that must not be questioned.

Listen, I want a pygmy goat, I could buy one right now and legally keep it in my backyard. I'm not equipped to own a pygmy goat, why is why I don't have one.

5 kids don't happen by accident, you made your choice, now live with it.

Three Olives fucked around with this message at 05:29 on Oct 16, 2019

LyonsLions
Oct 10, 2008

I'm only using 18% of my full power !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DemoneeHo posted:

AITA About Peeing?

The magical incantation that will get you out of any trouble "BOYS WILL BE BOYS!"

Wow, the sheer brass balls on those people. Also lol at expecting to just be allowed over there again after that.

Evil Willow
Apr 26, 2007
Bored now...
Why is my ex (24M) coming back after "dumping" me (27F)

quote:

I just had this convo with my BF (now ex) about nudes request:

Him: Or I could ask this other girl that’s wanting to go out with me. Shes down for me.
Me: Sure ask her for nudes then
Him: See ya :D
Then a few minutes later:

Him: Im looking forward for oct 31. To spend time with you. Make changes babe
Me: Why don’t you ask her?
Him: I did she said let me know when im free
Me: Ok go be with her then
Him: Yesssss if you want me make changes ;)
Me: Nah go to that other girl
Him: Im a go with her still ;)
Me: See that’s cheating already
Him: Yea not really
Me: What? You just said there’s another girl. Yea spend time with her on Oct 31



---------

TLDR: Just had convo with my BF (now ex) about nudes request. He said he could ask another girl that's down for him. I said sure ask her and he said see ya. But few minutes later, he texted again saying he looks forward to spend time with me on Oct 31...but when I asked about that other girl, he continued to play the game. Do you think he is angry as I am now?

MrQwerty
Apr 15, 2003

LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL
(づ ̄ ³ ̄)づ♥(‘∀’●)

Lucrece posted:

Why is my ex (24M) coming back after "dumping" me (27F)

Congratulations, you are both idiots

ParserGirl
Jun 3, 2005

AreWeDrunkYet posted:

Make an effort to get away from that as soon as possible. You're still going to be dealing with the unwashed masses, though at least now the grossness will be mostly digital. Well, that and the occasional (not actually occasional) semen encrusted keyboard.

Number one rule of IT, find yourself a job that requires no end user engagement.

I plan to use it as a launching platform to get experience and their help paying for more certs. It's not at all flippant when I say working with developmentally disabled adults has probably given me a huge advantage when dealing with end users.

My Lovely Horse
Aug 21, 2010

DemoneeHo posted:

AITA About Peeing?

quote:

It was nice having the kids in one area and the adults in another, and your house is the only one big enough for that.
hmm

Power Khan
Aug 20, 2011

by Fritz the Horse
(Serious) My girlfriend got massively upset after I gagged after going down on her. What should I do to fix this?

Me (25m) and my girlfriend (24f) were having sex the other day and she asked me to go down on her. Keep in mind that we’ve been off, sexually speaking, for a little bit and were planning things on how to fix it. She’s also been upset at me recently because she says I sometimes she feels I don’t take her seriously when she’s upset, which is something I took to heart to fix. It’s something that she’s been sensitive about and concerned to. Now, going down on her usually isn’t a problem for me and is actually something I enjoy. But this time, after about a minute in, I had to stop because I gagged because of the smell. We haven’t taken a bath yet and were sweating all day. The gag happened so quickly and involuntarily that I didn’t have time to stop. I have very strong gag reflexes and often gag at the slightest things such mucus in my throat and bad smelling foods. I suggested we should take a shower first and she got massively upset after all of this. I feel like such an rear end in a top hat and I know it’s embarrassing for not only me but for her. I understand how badly I made her feel and she even said I did such detriment to her that she’s not sure if she’d ever want to have sex with me again. She’s not communicating much with me and is distant. I’m so pissed off at myself and can’t even forgive myself. Ive already apologized many times and comforted her as much as she allowed me to, but it seems like it’s not enough, as she even told me that she’s unhappy with me. I’m so confused on what I should do to help the situation. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

mllaneza
Apr 28, 2007

Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952




ParserGirl posted:

I plan to use it as a launching platform to get experience and their help paying for more certs. It's not at all flippant when I say working with developmentally disabled adults has probably given me a huge advantage when dealing with end users.

Yeah, it likely will.

I'd say start circulating resumes to in-house helpdesk positions in 3-4 months. The ideal IT resume is a list of accomplishments, not keywords, but you're going to be hard pressed to come up with any. However ! Anything you fix at work that comes with a story, try and call out in a way that will let you tell the story in the interview.

Your #1 key skill will be looking poo poo up in the knowledge base (hah!) or Google while someone is on the phone. sfc /scannow looks for driver problems. Run it on systems until it catches something, then look in the log file it mentions. Learn to use logs and Event Viewer (Console if you get a Mac customer) for clues.

A useful thing for real-business IT that you will not use in retail IT is joining a machine to a domain, renaming a machine that is part of a domain, or removing and re-adding a domain member. Machine doing things it shouldn't on a corporate network ? gpupdate /force and reboot.

Come on over to some of the IT chat threads, you'll be one of us soon enough.

Midnight Voyager
Jul 2, 2008

Lipstick Apathy

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for refusing my daughter to attend the funeral of a classmate she openly disliked?


This story is sticking in my craw for several reasons. I looked at the comments and...

quote:

Apparently Josie would go out of her way to be snide and undermine my daughter in a group setting. I told my daughter to take the higher ground and she chose never to take that route.

quote:

Josie made her friends cookies, including my daughter, but purposefully gave my daughter the most misshapen one. My daughter wanted to ‘retaliate’ by purchasing ‘best friend’ necklaces(one of those weird ones you can split 5 ways) but ‘lost’ Josies one. Both are lovely but one is a little more calculated than the other.

Boy, I wonder why she hated Josie. Not that the "ugly cookie" thing isn't hilariously tiny, but it sounds like they were kinda both involved in this sniping match.

So she was punishing her kid and putting her in therapy for... being a kid and not liking another kid?? And reading on, apparently her daughter was worse because Josie was open to being friends with her daughter. Funny how Josie was never the problem.

God, it IS always the passive-aggressive bitches who can get away with being bitches in school, isn't it? I think I went to school with a Josie, and she made my life miserable just because I deigned to not adore her. Getting in constant trouble because I didn't like her really didn't endear her to me either.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

AITA for telling my husband he needs to earn more?

Im not sure how to start this but appreciate any advice. Excuse formatting as i am on mobile.

My husband and I have been together 3 years. While i am definitely more ambitious than he is, that has never been an issue and i appreciate his consitency to my crazy.

Two years ago i took a job in a specialized field thay paid decently. At this point, i am earning about 15k higher than my husband, but paying 80% of our shared bills (he has student loans and i do not) .

To put it llightly, i am unhappy at work. I work long hours, and then immediately come home to cook (husband does not, but does yard work and laundry which we decided was a fair trade off) and then straight to bed. I am exhausted.

By contrast, my husband works a lower paying nonprofit job. He doesnt enjoy the work but they pretty much let him do whatever he wants and provide him ample vacation time so its a win. He could earn much more but enjoys the perks that this job affords him.

I am stressed to the max, and while i have been looking for comparable work, i cannot afford to take a paycut of any kind which has crippled my job search, as i work in a specialty and hiring has been slow here. When i have previously expressed my frustration feeling trapped in supporting our family while being so miserable, my husband tells me to go see a therapist (i do) and talk it out.

Last night i snapped and told him his therapist recommendations arent helping, and that what would really help is if he got a job that took some pressure off of me. For context, earlier this year he was promoted and told me he would be helping me out more with bills, and then promptly put his pay raise into his retirement and carried on status quo. He also does a job that IS hiring in our area, but is happy in his current situation (which i genuinely dont want to take away from him).

He got quiet when i said this, and left the room. I feel somewhat relieved to have said it, but also feel like a complete jerk for having brought it up at all. I don't want him to be miserable, but feel like hes not empathetic to my side.

Reddit please give me some clarity, am i the rear end in a top hat?

Edit for clarity: we have discussed this before and he shuts down every time, last night I was crying and explaining why Im stressed and he was continuing to skirt the issue/not respond, and finally said "thanks for sharing", which is why I snapped. As for myself, I have tried cutting back on hours and was threatened with termination for "being unavailable".

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

M(24F) friends(27F) husband(27M) said something really off putting to me. Should I tell her?

My friend and her husband are married for 1.5 years and have a 3 years old beautiful daughter together.

Last weekend they were at my and my fiancé’s apartment and we were drinking and talking. My fiance and my friend were out to smoke (neither of me or her husband smoke) and I was left alone with her husband in the room. He was a little bit drunk.

I got up to put some dishes away and he just out of the blue said “ those tits do look nice on you” ( I had implants 6 months ago). I laughed it off and said thanks but then he said something that really put me off. He told me he would really like if I could get my friend to workout and put some effort in her appearance. I was really taken a back by this and said I thought she was really gorgeous and he is lucky. And he just laughed it off.

That was the end of it and I pretended that nothing happened till the rest of the night. After they left I told my fiance and he shared that sometimes when they hang out he makes similar comments.

Should I tell her? I want to snap his head off really..

TL;DR Friends husband made a comment about my boobs and then said he thinks my friend should work on her appearance. Wondering if I should tell her.

sephiRoth IRA
Jun 13, 2007

"Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality."

-Carl Sagan

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for telling my husband he needs to earn more?

Im not sure how to start this but appreciate any advice. Excuse formatting as i am on mobile.

My husband and I have been together 3 years. While i am definitely more ambitious than he is, that has never been an issue and i appreciate his consitency to my crazy.

Two years ago i took a job in a specialized field thay paid decently. At this point, i am earning about 15k higher than my husband, but paying 80% of our shared bills (he has student loans and i do not) .

To put it llightly, i am unhappy at work. I work long hours, and then immediately come home to cook (husband does not, but does yard work and laundry which we decided was a fair trade off) and then straight to bed. I am exhausted.

By contrast, my husband works a lower paying nonprofit job. He doesnt enjoy the work but they pretty much let him do whatever he wants and provide him ample vacation time so its a win. He could earn much more but enjoys the perks that this job affords him.

I am stressed to the max, and while i have been looking for comparable work, i cannot afford to take a paycut of any kind which has crippled my job search, as i work in a specialty and hiring has been slow here. When i have previously expressed my frustration feeling trapped in supporting our family while being so miserable, my husband tells me to go see a therapist (i do) and talk it out.

Last night i snapped and told him his therapist recommendations arent helping, and that what would really help is if he got a job that took some pressure off of me. For context, earlier this year he was promoted and told me he would be helping me out more with bills, and then promptly put his pay raise into his retirement and carried on status quo. He also does a job that IS hiring in our area, but is happy in his current situation (which i genuinely dont want to take away from him).

He got quiet when i said this, and left the room. I feel somewhat relieved to have said it, but also feel like a complete jerk for having brought it up at all. I don't want him to be miserable, but feel like hes not empathetic to my side.

Reddit please give me some clarity, am i the rear end in a top hat?

Edit for clarity: we have discussed this before and he shuts down every time, last night I was crying and explaining why Im stressed and he was continuing to skirt the issue/not respond, and finally said "thanks for sharing", which is why I snapped. As for myself, I have tried cutting back on hours and was threatened with termination for "being unavailable".

Jesus loving Christ, I could maybe understand split checking, but split retirement? Without equal bill share? You brought this on yourself, lady. Shame on both of you.

Barudak
May 7, 2007

sephiRoth IRA posted:

Jesus loving Christ, I could maybe understand split checking, but split retirement? Without equal bill share? You brought this on yourself, lady. Shame on both of you.

They must have separate healthcare too, so I literally do not understand why they are married from a purely benefits angle. Like Im sitting here urgently trying to come up with a reason why they are married that isnt "too stupid to be single"

Barudak fucked around with this message at 09:11 on Oct 16, 2019

LyonsLions
Oct 10, 2008

I'm only using 18% of my full power !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for telling my husband he needs to earn more?

When i have previously expressed my frustration feeling trapped in supporting our family while being so miserable, my husband tells me to go see a therapist (i do) and talk it out.

gently caress this guy just for this.

Power Khan
Aug 20, 2011

by Fritz the Horse
I'm refusing to delete my fetlife account and my husband feels betrayed
[new]
I posted in AITA and was recommended to post here. Sorry for the cross-post.

I need help getting an outsider's point of view as I (30F) don't think I'm the arsehole but my husband (30M) does.

Background, my husband and I (married nearly 9 years but highschool sweethearts dating since 2006) are getting more involved in the kinky side of things and I wear a day collar he gave me and I'm interested in trying rope play and other things. He is aware I'm interested in the BDSM world and wouldn't mind attending catch ups but he isn't interested. I haven't attended any catch ups as I said I'd want him there too if I did go.

Mutual friends of ours have recently broken up and the gut found an active dating site profile for his ex girlfriend. He thinks she was cheating on him in the relationship and was talking to my husband about his thoughts.

After they had that chat, my husband asked me if I've ever had an opportunity to cheat. I said yes I have had the opportunity but I didn't act on it. I explained how I've had messages on my fetlife account from randoms but I've never responded to them.

The conversation moved on from there but this morning he has messaged me asking if I've deleted my account yet. When I said no, why would I have he said he feels betrayed that I've broken his trust and gone behind his back.

I explained how I don't need to delete it as I'm interested in reading BDSM tips and seeing the pictures on there, and that I don't interact with people and therefore I don't feel like I've done anything wrong as its just like having a kinky FB account. He doesn't agree as I didn't tell him when I created it and now because I can't see how I've done anything wrong he said he is going to sleep somewhere else tonight as he can't see how talking about it in person tonight can fix anything.

I know now that it makes him uncomfortable, but I put it in the same boat of how him looking at private FB groups/instagram of soft porn/hardcore porn of random women makes me uncomfortable but I deal with it as its his right to view what he wants on the internet (and this is something that has taken us years to work through and was cause for fights in our early married years). I don't tell him anymore that he needs to stop looking, so why should he do the same to me? Back in the day he didn't stop looking and flat out told me he wouldn't stop looking as its normal and healthy to do so.

I'm not sure what to do. Seems like such a small thing to potentially ruin a marriage over :/

TL;DR! Am I in the wrong for thinking we need to work through him feeling uncomfortable about me having a fetlife account but not apologising as I don't feel like I've done anything wrong?

Power Khan
Aug 20, 2011

by Fritz the Horse
AITA for not supporting the asian family dynamic?
Not the A-hole
I met this beautiful asian girl last year and we've been really enjoying our lives together so far. She is a wonderful human, very caring and loving, and extremely supportive of her family back home (3rd world country) and financially has been able to allow them to live quite comfortably, without jobs, in a nice house etc. Initially when we met, I was really taken aback by this, and used the juxtaposition with white western family dynamics to really view what I've been doing wrong with my own family all my life (specifically, giving zero fucks), and I really respect her for that.

Fast forward several months, and I'm learning that her finances are an absolute mess. She has around 50k in non-mortgage debt (car loan, 10k in credit cards, misc other debts) while working like 70 hours a week, poor thing is just practically unable to make ends meet despite earning 45-50k/yr on her own. She moves in with me, I agree to pay around 80% of the rent (I make a little more than her, but not by much, just have more financial freedom) and she gets some relief.

Around a month ago, she discovered she needed braces, of course being the loving boyfriend I am, I offered to help her pay for the braces (everyone deserves to love their own appearance), but I added the stipulation that she needed to be more diligent about paying back her CC debt, which is a real black hole for a lot of the western world, and she needed to get that demon dealt with first priority. She agreed, and we made a plan to spend the next year paying down her debts, getting her teeth fixed, and then looking towards some college so she can advance her career a little bit.

Her family however, also has needs. She has been back and forth trying to decide on a vehicle to buy them, which I advised should be a) cheap b) reliable c) not brand new so she can still meet her finances back home. Come to find out, she has been suckered into signing a 5-year loan for a brand new Nissan, spent nearly 2k on a vacation (and another 1k that I chipped in for her to go back home), and figures this is a reasonable spend.

IMO, her family sees her as a cash cow, and they were extremely unsatisfied with options in vehicles that were 4-5 years older, they really wanted a brand new car, and waited for her to arrive back home so they could guilt trip her into signing for it. I'm pretty choked and I feel like my own financial future is being challenged by her lovely choices, but I'm also not sure that I even approve of the "our daughter is abroad, of course we can afford X" attitude. I basically sent her some love over SMS today and told her that I love her, but I'm really worried about her financial choices, and it's getting to me.

I'm half inclined to tell her I can't help with the rest of her finances if she is going to keep making extremely poor choices, I just don't want to send her that information while she's still on vacation but it's eating me up inside.

quote:

She feels greatly in debt to these people, who really helped her attain nothing. She had to live with relatives growing up, because her family was in the throws of poverty in a time where the country also had no support systems for them. The family she stayed with turned out to be extremely mentally and emotionally abusive, forced her to take loans from them (with interest) in order to leave the country, and on the way out was told "you will support your family with your income or you will never be welcome here again". In the first couple years they badgered her into financial transparency, to make sure they got what they were "owed" and then some.

Her actual family are mostly sweet, honest people (her father being the exception), but seem to have adopted the perspective that children abroad means they wont ever have to work again. She's bought them a house, fully furnished, sends them allowance every month to pay all the bills, her brothers also live in that house now and also contribute nothing, and most recently one of them got married (the new family will also live in her house) which prompted her to visit home again to celebrate with them.

During the search for vehicles, all of them were "not good enough", the father was extremely upset to have to shop around without buying, as if the act of speaking to a salesman meant he was a jerk if he didn't buy the car, didn't understand why his daughter couldn't cough up the money, and threw several temper tantrums in regards to this. He also has a significant drinking problem that caused her some emotional abuse growing up.

In my opinion, she owes them zilch. They should be paying her in reprimand for such a lovely upbringing, the sons (her brother) should be the primary caregiver and breadwinner, and instead she's supporting the whole lot of them, as the youngest sibling of 5. Somehow I got made an idiot for supporting this, under the guise of a cool new (and specifically better) cultural relationship with family.

gently caress this whole mess x 100.

Power Khan
Aug 20, 2011

by Fritz the Horse
AITA for snapping at a family member for asking me why I’m still single?

For some context, I’m 24F + Asian and never had a boyfriend in the years I’ve been alive. I’m socially awkward, insecure despite being average looking(not ugly but I wouldn’t call myself pretty. Just average.) and just reclusive/quiet when not spoken to. The incredibly shy/introverted and slightly studious type. Henceforth my singleness. I have been asked out many times by boys but they never really interested me? They weren’t my type honestly and I definitely don’t want to lead then on. I’ve always been pretty straightforward about that. I figured when the time comes, it will come. Sure I would like a relationship but I’m not actively looking.

With all that being said, I can communicate like a normal human being despite hating human interaction. I’m a recently licensed pharmacist who’s worked the beast that is retail for a while since undergrad. I’m a professional in my field, very personable with my patients and coworkers. That’s all fine.

I have a cousin(34F) who my mother adores. My cousins husband brought her over years ago from her home country through marriage and they are doing pretty well for themselves with a little child. She depends on her husband and expects him to do all sorts of things to accommodate her preferred living style. New Lexus and home and all that jazz. She works too to support her family so I don’t pry into whatever they do cause its not my business.

Now this cousin is always asking me “when will you get a boyfriend.”, “your younger sister has a boyfriend already. She surpassed you!”, and all these snide comments about my love life. Which doesn’t exactly make me happy cause it’s none of their business. This cousin also prefers my sister(who I admit is the fun one in her eyes. while I’m the smart one. Its just the way I see our dynamic and quite frankly I’m okay with it).

My other family members also bring this up sometimes too. It gets really annoying real quick. I hate it. But I’ve learned to ignore these snide comments and to tune them out. Just remain quiet whenever they bring it up cause there is no use addressing it and I’m a pretty non confrontational person.

But today I’ve finally had enough and replied “ I make 6 figures a year. I don’t need a man to take care of me or make me happy. I can do it myself. Please stay out of my business” to her being single comment to shut her up. it got incredibly awkward real fast.

Should I have not said anything to my cousin? Or something less passive aggressive?

AITA?

Power Khan
Aug 20, 2011

by Fritz the Horse
AITA for fussing about my child being charged to RENT A FORK at school?
AITA???

My daughter packs her own lunch each morning, and it is typically a salad. That poor child forgot to pack a fork and asked the lunch lady for one up at the register.....

That woman told her that there is a 10 cent charge to rent a fork at the high school. Yep, if you do not buy a school lunch you must pay 10 cents.

I called and was transferred all over after stating I needed to speak to someone about "renting forks". No-one knew what to do with me and even hung up on me the first time. I am assuming they thought it was a prank. I finally got hold of the nutritionalist and here is what I was told .....last year some high school idiots would run into the cafe line and steal handfuls of forks to then make "clothes" and "hats". I asked if the kids walking around in fork hats and shirts were caught and punished and she stated that they were. So I asked her why they would then punish the other 1500+ kids that didn't steal from the school buy making them RENT EATING UTENSILS and she stated that charging for the forks is a deterrent. So let me get this straight....kids stole free forks from the cafeteria but won't steal them if they have to pay for them?

So I told her that I would write the school a check for $1.00 to cover the cost of any RENTAL FEES my daughter may have to pay over the next four years and I wanted to know what to include to rent the seat she sits in while I was at it.

Am I the rear end in a top hat for fussing at the school over something so minor? I feel like my child is punished for something she wasn't even a part of and didn't know about. And I am mad she has to go around asking for a freaking dime to eat her salad.

Barudak
May 7, 2007

I really hate to say this my dude, but you need to walk away from the girlfriend in crippling debt to an abusive family because staying with her is literally just enabling this behavior.

Pinecone Sample
Oct 12, 2010

THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420
I [21F] am increasingly uncomfortable with my stoner boyfriend [22M]


quote:

Recently, it's become increasingly uncomfortable to be around my boyfriend of 9 months, who is the absolute definition of a non-medicinal stoner. I never smoked weed before I met him, because it would give me psychosis and panic attacks when I was younger. After three months of being together, I was influenced to try it again, with mixed results. (Once, I smoked with him and got a panic attack, forgot his name, and hallucinated a different face onto his body).

I cannot fathom how someone chooses to be high for every waking moment of their existence.

But even more so, how to be okay with him doing something that has caused me a lot of trauma.

My boyfriend will wake up to take a fat bong rip, and then consistently take more hits every 30 mins to 1 hour throughout the ENTIRE day, and end with a rip before bed. He'll try to get as high as he possibly can before dinner with my family, or even his own parents. He's used it in the middle of arguments to stop wanting to talk about it with me, he'll spend hours with his eyes glued to video games, and very frequently tunes me out. It feels like 50% of what I say to him goes unheard, and I'm becoming more defeated as time progresses.

He told me that he will absolutely raise his children while high in order to not get frustrated with them. I didn't mention anything when he said it, but that's a huge deal breaker for me. I fundamentally disagree with that parental standpoint, and although we are still young and not thinking about kids yet, I can't get over that fact.

He's been lucky enough to have career success, but he is also extremely lazy after work, inattentive, and never cleans up after himself. When he isn't high, he has a tendency to become overly upset over any random situation that doesn't go his way (including when I make mistakes).

I don't know what to do in this case. I don't know if I should try to change him and tell him that I'm uncomfortable with the frequency of use and mental dependency. Or, if this is something I need to accept as a fact of his character and get out of the relationship while I still can.

TL;DR

Boyfriend is mentally addicted, cannot quit, cannot go an hour of the day without taking another hit. I basically don't smoke and I'm super uncomfortable.

Pinecone Sample
Oct 12, 2010

THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420
I recognized about 6 months ago I'm demisexual, how do I tell my spouse?

quote:

I (28f) have done research on why I have always felt I could only be intimate with a person I'm very bonded/connected with. I am with my husband (26m) but the difference is he is very open minded sexually. With him, I'm willing to try anything.

But lately (past year) he is very adamant about certain...fantasies involving me being with another person/people. I know it's my fault because I let him go on about it for a long time, and I went along with it, hoping he'd get bored with the idea and let it fizzle out. It hasnt happened though. I'm not uncomfortable with exploring new things, but I know I will only be having any libido unless he's there.

He's also quite sensitive, so sometimes telling him things he doesn't want to hear can be quite difficult and result in a fight, no matter how calm and respectful I'm being.

Edit:// he has also struggled with porn addiction for many years, which I believe (but not sure) may have put these ideas in his head.

Not sure if any of this makes sense, but I need some kind of advice.

Barudak
May 7, 2007

Good idea getting a certification of sexuality to counter his initial motion to open, but youll need to get it notarized before its admissible in relationship court.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012
If there’s anything I’ve genuinely had no idea about before r/relationships is Asian family dynamics and good lord

MagusofStars
Mar 31, 2012



Power Khan posted:

AITA for fussing about my child being charged to RENT A FORK at school?
AITA???

That woman told her that there is a 10 cent charge to rent a fork at the high school. Yep, if you do not buy a school lunch you must pay 10 cents.

I asked if the kids walking around in fork hats and shirts were caught and punished and she stated that they were. So I asked her why they would then punish the other 1500+ kids that didn't steal from the school buy making them RENT EATING UTENSILS and she stated that charging for the forks is a deterrent. So let me get this straight....kids stole free forks from the cafeteria but won't steal them if they have to pay for them?
NTA because this is an accurate sarcastic take. Also, if the issue is people getting huge handfuls of forks to play with, maybe just teach your staff to hand out only one fork?

Or, and this might be too much galaxy brain play, just stop giving a poo poo about people making fork hats because on the list of “issues that can go down in a lunch room”, that’s pretty much the tamest possible infraction.

StrangersInTheNight
Dec 31, 2007
ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON
This is like when a company assigns someone to be arbiter of the printer

Obsessing over a few pieces of paper and ink is actually a conscious waste of resources for the sake of control. Generally, you need to spend more money controlling it than you do if you'd just let it go. The loss you'd suffer from letting it go is always negligible compared to the stress, time, and money needed to manage gatekeepering it. The printer is already physically in your office so rando's aren't going to use it, making it so someone has to judge and 'accept' what you print just creates an atmosphere of distrust for the workers and infantilizes them.

Cutting costs at the wrong end IMO. It's amazing that the richest people will obsess over the smallest issues as a way to remove responsibility for their hoarding cash like dragons

StrangersInTheNight fucked around with this message at 12:24 on Oct 16, 2019

Beachcomber
May 21, 2007

Another day in paradise.


Slippery Tilde

teen witch posted:

If there’s anything I’ve genuinely had no idea about before r/relationships is Asian family dynamics and good lord

There's a fantastic story that comes up every so often in the China thread about grandparents who drive their 6 year old granddaughter to an abandoned village and leave her there. Deliberately.

When the girls father finds out like 8 hours later, they manage to find and rescue her. The following day the Father tells his parents to get in the car and drives them to a different, even more remote abandoned village.

And they're never heard from again.

Power Khan
Aug 20, 2011

by Fritz the Horse

Barudak posted:

I really hate to say this my dude, but you need to walk away from the girlfriend in crippling debt to an abusive family because staying with her is literally just enabling this behavior.

A couple of comments later, he posts that she's filipina. The chance that she'd jettison these leeching assholes is close to zero.

The dude needs to bail out yesterday

Power Khan
Aug 20, 2011

by Fritz the Horse

MagusofStars posted:

NTA because this is an accurate sarcastic take. Also, if the issue is people getting huge handfuls of forks to play with, maybe just teach your staff to hand out only one fork?

Or, and this might be too much galaxy brain play, just stop giving a poo poo about people making fork hats because on the list of “issues that can go down in a lunch room”, that’s pretty much the tamest possible infraction.

They're just a step away from banning toilet paper.

Back in the days of working in a callcenter, the rear end in a top hat who owned it would complain about the monthly costs of toilet paper.

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Barudak
May 7, 2007

Power Khan posted:

A couple of comments later, he posts that she's filipina. The chance that she'd jettison these leeching assholes is close to zero.

The dude needs to bail out yesterday

Yeah. This isnt like a "maybe with support and love she can change" its more of a asking your relationship if it saw the sun rise that morning.

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