(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
eric ciaramella posted:The biggest realization I ever had was that, as an adult, I can make the choice to deal with my past on move on from it. There are experiences in life that shape you; as an adult you get to decide how those experiences shape you. Maybe your parents were shite, you don't have to be, you can be best. Challenge yourself and grow. I've been working on this. But at my new job everyone was talking about how Christmas was like as a kid and I stayed quiet until I was asked directly, somewhat by surprise since there is another guy with the same name as me and I thought my coworker was asking him (she wasn't facing me). Apparently I had a thousand yard stare before saying "my family is hosed." That was awkward.
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Nov 15, 2019 23:47
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UnfortunateSexFart posted:I've been working on this. But at my new job everyone was talking about how Christmas was like as a kid and I stayed quiet until I was asked directly, somewhat by surprise since there is another guy with the same name as me and I thought my coworker was asking him (she wasn't facing me). Well, if they didn't want to know...
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Nov 15, 2019 23:51
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Chokes McGee posted:Well, if they didn't want to know... It wouldn't have been as awkward if I had elaborated but just thinking about them made me go quiet after that. And since my family was just neglectful/maladjusted it's even harder to explain than physically abusive etc.
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Nov 16, 2019 00:08
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UnfortunateSexFart posted:It wouldn't have been as awkward if I had elaborated but just thinking about them made me go quiet after that. yeah, thats the poo poo I hate. Im never going to be able to explain to people I was abused because I have no bruises/injuries which makes it my word against hers. and since shes a backbiting sociopath and Im, well, me, guess who ends up with people thinking Im an rear end in a top hat for treating my poor mother this way? And dont even get me started about the rest of my family. they will go to any length or excuse to avoid admitting complicity.
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Nov 16, 2019 01:30
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Chokes McGee posted:Yeah. It takes self awareness which is way more difficult than a lot of people think but past abuse is not an excuse to perpetuate it forward. Goons greatest asset in this world is this. Or at least, to me it feels that way. While i was stuck in traffic for the upteempth time coming back from classes on campus I tried to think back to the eeeeeearliest possible cultural contact between me and SA and I realized it was yogscast minecraft videos. They were in their golden age when I was in my pre-teens, back when minecraft was still in beta. Their very self deprecating and I guess "goony" humor (especially simon) almost vaccinated me to the ultra-self absorbed 4chan edgy /pol/ poo poo that would soon start really getting going. Some blame the existence of this website for spawning a more reactionary internet but eh I think it's done more good than harm edit: the aforementioned yogs stuff is really loving ironic too because here I am now posting on SA, while playing WoW classic, and playing minecraft with my friends, time is a flat circle
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Nov 16, 2019 17:27
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Chokes McGee posted:??????? turn off the TV posted:for the last couple of years i've been having a really weird vision problem with my vision, and i don't really know how to describe it other than similar to what happens when you look at this gif for 10-15 seconds and then look away https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/transcoded/d/d3/Illusion_movie.ogv/Illusion_movie.ogv.480p.vp9.webm
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Nov 17, 2019 02:31
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Chokes McGee posted:I get alice-in-wonderland syndrome sometimes where I perceive everything around me as much smaller than it is. This is particularly concerning since I am very short to start with. GWBBQ posted:I am by no stretch of the imagination a medical professional, but I sometimes have very similar symptoms accompanying migraine aura, and it sometimes persists for several weeks after a migraine. You can get the aura without the headache, so don't dismiss it if you have other symptoms, but also don't rule it out. Beyond that, you need to talk to a doctor and probably a neurologist who specializes in migraines and seizure disorders. these are definitely associated with migraines, which i think that i also might be getting because of my medications. since i have at least a couple of migraines a week so i guess that might explain why it never goes away
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Nov 17, 2019 03:42
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Hello, thread. Long time no blog post. This past few weeks, I've been doing pretty good! I've been taking care of my personal hygiene, to the point that I'm actually maintaining a shave again for the first time in over a year. I've been brushing every day and even remembering to floss. I've been taking out garbage and recycling instead of just letting them pile up. A couple of weeks ago, I managed to actually go outside for three separate outings in a single day, and averaged over one outing per day across the week. I've been ordering in food less often and going out more, if nothing else just to have something to do to fill the time. And speaking of filling the time, that's the big one: rather than my default mode being "well sleep then", I've found myself becoming restless and here's the really good bit and finding something productive to do. The other day, I wiped down my horizontals and swept the floor. This evening, I just randomly did the dishes that've been sitting in the sink for several days. I randomly did the laundry last weekend because I had the energy and well why not. Instead of just passively consuming media in bed or at my posting desk, I've been doing interactive things: language lessons, video games, etc. I even met up with a friend a couple of weeks ago, and did not flinch away from physical contact. Great stuff for me! I owe it mostly to the increase in my dosage of brain pills, and actually sticking to them consistently this time instead of taking them sporadically. Unfortunately, the good has come with side effects. I've had what I'd call acute episodes of depression in the past, where I've been overcome with intense emotion. I recognize those. They are familiar. They feel like they are centered mostly in the head, behind the eyes, and in the face, as a kind of non-physical psychic stress and mental fog or static, and they lead to things like the urge to scream or more likely crying in the shower. This post is not about those things. I mention them to contrast them with a new thing that has occurred with the increased dosage: what I'm pretty sure are anxiety or panic attacks. These are concentrated in the chest and stomach. In particular, it feels like my stomach is in knots, or like my diaphragm is fluttering and sometimes both! There is some non-physical psychic stress, as with the acute depressive episodes, but none of the fog or static. My heart races, and I cannot take a full breath because it feels like whatever muscles involved are being squeezed when I try, and I just can't push past some barrier to enable a deep breath, so I'm nearly hyperventilating just to breathe at all. Worse than the acute depressive episodes in some ways, the mental tension comes and goes more quickly than with the depressive episodes but the physical sensations linger; for example, this past week the knotted stomach and fluttering diaphragm preventing deep breaths lingered for over an hour. I've brought up the panic attacks with my p-doc, and he thinks it's almost certainly a drug interaction. We're going to try lowering the dosage of my brain pills and supplementing them with another brain pill. Thanks for reading.
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Nov 18, 2019 01:30
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That's great news! Can I ask what brain pills you've been taking? I've been trying to solve a similar issues just feeling like a lazy pos for a while.
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Nov 18, 2019 02:52
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Problem: Someone I know had to have their eldest child hospitalized because of a manic episode. This has never happened before and isn't full-blown mania. The child is still in high school and, obviously, won't be there tomorrow. Does anyone know any good scripts to use for the child's friends? They're going to be curious and the younger child will likely be questioned, too. I might be able to ask one of the BH specialists at work tomorrow, but, you know, they're working! (Sorry for stilted language; trying to maintain as much anonymity as possible.)
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Nov 18, 2019 02:55
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Flavius Aetass posted:That's great news! Can I ask what brain pills you've been taking? I've been trying to solve a similar issues just feeling like a lazy pos for a while. effexor
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Nov 18, 2019 02:56
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Addamere posted:effexor would you say the effexor good? content: I'm thankful for my SSRIs and I need to find a doctor to refill my prescription. Since I've been on it for ten years I just need a PCP to sign off on it. And yet it's taking a monumental effort to psych myself up to find a doctor.
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Nov 18, 2019 03:01
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PsychedelicWarlord posted:would you say the effexor good? oh definitely. Compared to not being on it at all or sporadically until late spring, my energy went up. I was more often able to get myself up and out. Dialing the dosage up made that even more true in the past few months. Just, again, with me I've had the additional reaction of anxiety attacks about once a week, but that is hopefully going to be addressed by adjusting back down and adding a second medication. You may very well work just fine without side effects.
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Nov 18, 2019 03:04
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xcheopis posted:Problem: Someone I know had to have their eldest child hospitalized because of a manic episode. This has never happened before and isn't full-blown mania. hello yes hi, I got a page from this thread?? I do a lot of work for NAMI in their In Our Own Voices program and as a result I occasionally visit a local mental hospital here in Austin. its usually the default location for most people, which means theres usually a pretty good collection of people to present to. Ive also been in the situation of an extended hospital stay and having to explain it to people afterwards. It turbosucks in this situation because school kids can be loving cruel. plus, I walked out of the hospital traumatized and Im a grown rear end man, so I can only imagine what a youngster would feel like. My Personal Recommendation, keeping in mind I am a random idiot on the Internet and not an expert in anything whatsoever:
sorry, dunno if any of that helped. but it struck a chord with me, so there it is.
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Nov 18, 2019 07:13
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Feel like Ive got issues with control. I just get really irritated when people do stuff or act in ways I consider improper and I get really upset when I get into situations where it seems like everything is out of my control, like job interviews. Im not really sure if thats a specific psychological thing or just a side effect of other stuff, but what kind of therapy would, I dunno, let me feel more ok with not being able to order everything how I want?
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Nov 18, 2019 08:47
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I'm a natural curmudgeon on my best days, but I've been getting really pissed about minor poo poo for the first time in my life recently. I wanted to yell at an old man in a trump 2020 hat in the grocery store and been getting pissed as hell in traffic and stuff. I think I'm going to largely take a politics sabbatical for a while and only browse this, the happy thread, and the bernie thread in cspam and keep the gently caress off twitter and try not to read poo poo that I know will piss me off.
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Nov 18, 2019 16:26
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Chokes McGee posted:hello yes hi, I got a page from this thread?? Thanks! There weren't clear-cut signs of bipolar and committal wasn't brought up until hours into the ER visit, when the child was already very stressed. The concern was impulsivity, possibility of trying to drive while mentally not safe, that sort of thing. Potassium levels were super low and other medications were also given over the weekend. I've asked our medical director about this, but the experience here is not focused on teens, so coming up with a good script to tell high school friends and such will take some thought.
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Nov 18, 2019 17:30
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If you are a normal person who doesn't feel like engaging with a pointless broke-brain screed, and you shouldn't, I implore you to stop reading now and just go to the last three paragraphs of this. This is going to be long and rambly, and probably jump around topics a lot without necessary rhyme or reason. I apologize sincerely in advance. I have been writing and re-writing this post since August, and it used to say "re-wrote this x times" but I literally lost count. Most of it is pointless, but I don't feel like I'll be able to ask the important bits without spewing out everything and why, because that's who I am. I just don't know anymore. I recently went to working from home instead of working at the office. The upsides to this were very apparent and worth it, and I still have to say even now that they are. I can't drive or afford a car, so I was taking the bus, and this means no commute and no panicking over connections. Big plus. Not going into the office also means not dealing with the people there. There are not many, anymore, in any case, but at no point has there been anybody there worth talking to since my ex/boss dumped me and quit for something better in both senses. They're all happily bigoted, and were just quiet about it around the gay guy, unless they forgot to be. I don't want to write people off as useless, but I severely disliked being around every last one of them, and am happy not to be. What's more, the hours from home are more reliable. It's still the same job, it's just processing invoices and being paid in a sweatshop manner, but I can type really fast. The money I make is, honestly, not too bad. No benefits, period, but I don't suppose that's very unusual anymore. But everything since I have switched over has just felt abjectly worse. I absolutely know this is the depression talking, and me listening to it. I don't feel that that makes it any less true, however. My boss saw this as an opportunity to overwork me hard. I get paid in sweatshop money, so at least that translates to money even if I'd get fired if I asked if the over 40 hours were paid as overtime. But I usually just get up early, work until the bf gets up and try to make his day a little better for a bit by being around, but I don't feel that I really do that. It's still better than him seeing me work, because I'm so embarrassed about my lovely job that people seeing me do it makes me want to die. I suppose that's not new either though. After he goes to work, I just work or nap the entire time he's gone, until he gets home, and I make some dinner, pack him a bowl, and try my best to pass out for as long as I can until I know I can't sleep and just go into the back room and work more. I don't leave the house anymore, like, at all, but before all I was doing was going to work and trying not to cry on the bus and sometimes succeeding. Being a literal shut-in instead of just a functional one feels straight up worse, though. I fell off the wagon hard almost immediately, which I kind of figured I knew I'd do. Boredom and restlessness are deep guiding forces in my life and I have no idea how to deal with either of them since I'm just deathly afraid of interacting with people. Unfortunately, I have a solution for this. Whenever I have weekends free, I make sure to absolutely waste them by taking whatever stimulants I have available on Saturday morning and riding the high and hangover through to Monday morning. This isn't really particularly joyous, all it does is remind me that there exists a person somewhere inside this Alex that is able to enjoy things. That is able to have fun playing really fiddly video games like he used to, and to have a big libido and enjoy casual sex and just loving enjoy PEOPLE in any manner at all. To know that there's an Alex with a heart that isn't dead. Whenever I have weekend plans, as I did this weekend, I just feel even worse. I can not get high if I have a compelling reason, sure. But it doesn't, like, fix anything. It just makes me feel like the shut-in that I am. Instead of enjoying an esoteric puzzle game, I just do whatever it is I am obligated to do, and get done with it. Instead of staying up all night being a slut on the apps and occasionally hooking up or going to the bathhouse, I just sleep, browse whatever forum stuff I have the fortitude for, sleep, stare at the wall, or be annoyed that I don't actually want to be sober. That last one is the worst. I'm an annoying weekend warrior junkie that way, but at least I am able to interact with a select subset of people to appear like a drat human, not just some useless depression bot that can only listen to podcasts and process invoices like a Cathy cartoon. I don't have wants anymore. Why that is so scary, I don't know. I only want to want things. I want to want to be sober. I want to want to talk to people. I want to want to go outside, and I want to want to engage with people on a level deeper than aimless hooking up. If you had told 20 year old me, who was freaking out about balding early and being a hairy yeti with monster feet and a gross back, that he could have sex pretty much however he wanted and with people far more attractive than him, easily, by just being a total mask off slob, he'd have laughed in your face. Monkey's paw on that one, I guess. I look like the unhinged broke-brained communist idiot that I am, which is good for keeping most people away, but feels like one of the first honest things I've ever done in my stupid lying life and I don't want to let it go. Another negative want. There's no way out of this except one step at a time, and that's the problem. I know that this deep sad itch when I'm sober is part of me saying that nothing even CAN get better if all you're going to do is squeeze every last drop of dopamine out of your brain every chance you get. But the idea that doing it will require being even more worthless as a person for years is so daunting I can't even take that first step. Every time I try, it feels like I'm getting told to not bother. When I had a freak out in February, the crisis line I ended up calling tried to refer me to a very nice LGBT-friendly counselor with good rates who was also one of my Ex's best friends. Just a coincidence, but it was enough to make me hang up and block the number when they called me back. Next freak out was at least easier to reject, the lady said that the only affordable option they had was group counseling, so I just hung up. I know it's not her fault, but if I could go to a group counseling session and not immediately panic and leave, I wouldn't have a problem in the first place. I don't know how to make things better, or even to really start trying. The only way I'm even remotely able to ask is because it's been a bit over two weeks since I've actually gotten high for real, and I might even make it through this next weekend without tripping again. That will have been the longest I've managed it in a while. But after that is Thanksgiving, which is a 4 day weekend starting with my birthday. I don't know a nice way to say that there's no chance in hell I'll manage sobriety through that, especially after my parents call me and ask innocently what I'm doing, and I just have to tell them I'm alone doing nothing that day, because it's Thanksgiving and my birthday. What I do know, and know moderately well, is that when I was on antidepressants from a GP, things at least had the potential to feel better from time to time. And, also, from time to time, to not want to burn my consciousness down with propylhexedrine. Is there any way to get any sort of reliable antidepressant while poor and uninsured? I don't have a GP anymore, because the last one I had was treating me like poo poo, and haven't been to the doctor at all in any form since 2016. He wouldn't give me poo poo, and would want me to sit through 40 tests that cost $300 before he told me to gently caress myself. I don't know where to go or what to try, but at least throwing something at my brain chemicals might, maybe, in some laughably small probability, do something to make me take one goddamn step in the right direction at all before falling backwards again. Sorry, CSPAM Mental Health thread. Whenever I feel strong enough to peek in here, it usually makes me feel even more scared and sad, but knowing anybody is dealing with anything at all is at least mildly heartening. I hope all y'all have a genuinely wonderful day some time soon. you all deserve it. I'm going to go lose myself in some work so I don't panic in twenty minutes and try to delete this out of shame and self-pity.
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Nov 18, 2019 20:18
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Zvahl posted:Sorry, CSPAM Mental Health thread. Whenever I feel strong enough to peek in here, it usually makes me feel even more scared and sad, but knowing anybody is dealing with anything at all is at least mildly heartening. I hope all y'all have a genuinely wonderful day some time soon. you all deserve it. I'm going to go lose myself in some work so I don't panic in twenty minutes and try to delete this out of shame and self-pity. Read every word of this. I'm sorry you're in a bad place right now.  I would proceed cautiously with meds and make sure to disclose recreational substances to your p-doc, because it sounds like you're taking several drugs that'll screw hardcore with potential options. For example, an SSRI would probably be lethal to you right now, especially if you're taking a hallucinogen like acid or something like MDMA. I am 100% not judging, by the way. Half of CSPAM is baked 24/7, and In Hell World, you get by how you can. However, they are almost assuredly making any underlying brain chemistry issues worse. I'm kind of a special case because I'm bipolar, but I know back when I was a booze hound, the second day after a binge would be depressed horrific misery. There's always a delay on it, sometimes enough that you don't even catch the connection. What worries me most is it sounds like you're engaging in a lot of self destructive behavior. You don't need me to tell you not to close yourself off, but I'm gonna say it anyway. There are a lot of rear end in a top hat doctors out there, true, but there's also a lot that genuinely want to help people. You just gotta take a chance on trusting them and stick to it. I'm really sorry I can't help any farther than the above, but know your words were read by someone, and I feel compassion for you. It sounds like hippie frou-frou stuff but I really do wish you well.
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Nov 18, 2019 20:33
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Zvahl posted:If you are a normal person I'm not. I read the whole thing because frankly someone else's issues distract from my issues for a few minutes You did a good thing by posting and you should post more because getting it out helps, or at very least harms less than holding it in. I have seen similar poo poo with friends who do work from home- previously you hated your job but it was a place you had control over going to and leaving, where as now you hate your job slightly less but you go to sleep and wake up into the same place now, and what was a safe place for you at home isnt anymore because it's associated with the work you hate. I don't really have much else right now other than good luck and post more, so good luck and post more
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Nov 18, 2019 20:38
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xcheopis posted:Thanks!
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Nov 18, 2019 20:38
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Alfred Shitcock posted:I feel you completely I just want to Please please please read the below and take it to heart. What you just posted is intensely alarming, especially combined with the bad formating. If you are self harming and on the edge of a breakdownand especially if you're feeling suicidalplease get to a hospital if at all possible and stay for a bit. logikv9 or fau, probably posted:It is important to remember that SA's community is not designed to provide therapy or psychiatric advice, nor should it be a substitute for valid professional psychiatric care. If you feel like you need help, we strongly recommend that you seek out professional help through some resources that we have listed below: Somebody has issued a correction as of 21:24 on Nov 18, 2019 |
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Nov 18, 2019 20:41
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sorry English Ianina my first language and Im wasted. I didnt wanted to bother you guys
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Nov 18, 2019 20:42
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Alfred Shitcock posted:sorry English Ianina my first language and Im wasted. I didnt wanted to bother you guys I'm not particularly bothered but I am worried.
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Nov 18, 2019 20:44
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Chokes McGee posted:I'm not particularly bothered but I am worried. me too, like it all started like 3 months ago, I had PTSD in a way cause I spend 4 years in the Spanish army and I thought I was ok dunno what triggered this but Im hanging by my nails rn Ive been looking fights around, I live in Mexico City now and I just look for someone to stabbed me and kill me. gently caress being resilient I only ended up with some cracked ribs last halloween
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Nov 18, 2019 20:48
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Alfred Shitcock posted:me too, like it all started like 3 months ago, I had PTSD in a way cause I spend 4 years in the Spanish army and I thought I was ok dunno what triggered this but Im hanging by my nails rn Ive been looking fights around, I live in Mexico City now and I just look for someone to stabbed me and kill me. gently caress being resilient I only ended up with some cracked ribs last halloween I urge you again to seek help. EMDR and CBT both do wonders for PTSD—especially the former. Group therapy for ex-soldiers is a good idea as well. You deserve to stay alive and actually feel good about it. Everyone does.
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Nov 18, 2019 20:51
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Chokes McGee posted:I urge you again to seek help. EMDR and CBT both do wonders for PTSDespecially the former. Group therapy for ex-soldiers is a good idea as well. theres no vet help here, maybe I should go back to Spain, I have some American friends who also are vets but we only drink. dunno I dont want you guys to feel worried I just wanted to vent cause living in a diff. country all by yourself takes a toll on your mental health.
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Nov 18, 2019 20:54
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Alfred Shitcock posted:theres no vet help here, maybe I should go back to Spain, I have some American friends who also are vets but we only drink. dunno I dont want you guys to feel worried I just wanted to vent cause living in a diff. country all by yourself takes a toll on your mental health. I hear that. Just moving cities caused me a ton of stress. I can't imagine having to build from the ground up in a completely different culture. And feel free to stop by and vent at any time. Just take care of yourself, ok? And it's okay to reach out for help. Takin' a coffee break, feel free to PM me if you need anything else.
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Nov 18, 2019 20:55
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Chokes McGee posted:I hear that. Just moving cities caused me a ton of stress. I can't imagine having to build from the ground up in a completely different culture. thanks
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Nov 18, 2019 20:57
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Spain, as a citizen and army vet, almost certainly has better mental health support than Mexico. I don't know if that's an option right now but I would think about it.
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Nov 18, 2019 21:07
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eric ciaramella posted:Spain, as a citizen and army vet, almost certainly has better mental health support than Mexico. I don't know if that's an option right now but I would think about it. yeah I just need to save some money, I came to Mexico with my Lithuanian ex gf, she actually fitted in here being a DJ and poo poo but I never felt comfortable, now shes living in the place I leased for a year so Im kinda broke now lol staying with a friend from Baltimore right now. but yeah I should leave this place its killing me.
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Nov 18, 2019 21:10
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Zvahl: Extremely felt. I know one of the benefits I get from working is an excuse to get out of the house. If I was home all the time I would go crazy. On weekends, I would go crazy and self medicate and isolate because I would have nothing to do and I'd be exhausted from the workweek. Even if I had plans I would often flake out so I could watch movies alone. And th n Sunday would roll around because I'd feel like I wasted my weekend and now it's back to hellweek. I wish I had an answer. I'm still trying to find mine. Try to find some time to go outside, even 2-3 times a week. It doesn't have to be a lot, but it helps. As Chokes suggested, talk to your doctor, honestly.
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Nov 18, 2019 21:16
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You could try the Spanish embassy or consulate. They'll often be able the assist in getting their citizens out of trouble and back home.
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Nov 18, 2019 21:18
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eric ciaramella posted:You could try the Spanish embassy or consulate. They'll often be able the assist in getting their citizens out of trouble and back home. I tried that but I scammed the dole so, I have some legal issues there. I think I should wait for my dad to come this December, I think I can wait a few weeks lol.
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Nov 18, 2019 21:22
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SunAndSpring posted:Feel like Ive got issues with control. I just get really irritated when people do stuff or act in ways I consider improper and I get really upset when I get into situations where it seems like everything is out of my control, like job interviews. Im not really sure if thats a specific psychological thing or just a side effect of other stuff, but what kind of therapy would, I dunno, let me feel more ok with not being able to order everything how I want? Absolutely it would. Probably through CBT; i.e. training you into being ok with that. Or unconscious exploration; i.e. what event(s) in your life did not having control really effect you? Both are drastically different avenues and both could be helpful. (But you don't have to pick one exclusively, some therapists use blended treatments/theories.) edit: Just read some other posts you made itt. Group therapy (process groups, not psychoeducational groups) might be right up your alley. It can be really loving beautiful to be in a room healing with other people as they heal and trans people really need each other right now, given the current state of things. I promise the other people there would benefit from your spirit and you would benefit from theirs too. Good luck my friend. thehandtruck has issued a correction as of 23:39 on Nov 18, 2019 |
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Nov 18, 2019 23:12
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eric ciaramella posted:As Chokes suggested, talk to your doctor, honestly. As much as I appreciate the sentiment, I have no doctor anymore. I don't know how to engage with anything in the healthcare system without insurance, because all it does is make the secretarial staff feel bad when I ask them the price. Being honest to a doctor would definitely be an effort and I couldn't say for sure I'd do it, but it's a few steps past where I am right now, anyhow.
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Nov 18, 2019 23:33
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Venom Snake posted:Goons greatest asset in this world is this. Or at least, to me it feels that way. While i was stuck in traffic for the upteempth time coming back from classes on campus I tried to think back to the eeeeeearliest possible cultural contact between me and SA and I realized it was yogscast minecraft videos. They were in their golden age when I was in my pre-teens, back when minecraft was still in beta. Their very self deprecating and I guess "goony" humor (especially simon) almost vaccinated me to the ultra-self absorbed 4chan edgy /pol/ poo poo that would soon start really getting going. My first interactions with this place were in the early 2000s when Seanbaby was king poo poo of the comedy internet. I used to post on the i-Mockery forums a lot and eventually graduated from there to here once that site started to die away. But I started reading threads on here based on what popped up on the rotating featured thread scroll on the front page, just refreshing every so often to see what comical wonderland I would end up in. If SA is responsible for the reactionary internet in any way, it's based on the people that were banned from here, not the culture fostered within the forums. This forum is largely much more responsible for the leftward shift of the internet with D&D and moreso LF. That's my perception anyway.
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Nov 18, 2019 23:52
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Heath posted:My first interactions with this place were in the early 2000s when Seanbaby was king poo poo of the comedy internet. I used to post on the i-Mockery forums a lot and eventually graduated from there to here once that site started to die away. But I started reading threads on here based on what popped up on the rotating featured thread scroll on the front page, just refreshing every so often to see what comical wonderland I would end up in. This website, even this forum, has shaped history. In one of my classes my semester project; according to the professor, is like something he's never seen before (in a good way) and I couldn't have done it without the knowledge I got from this forum. Goons are brilliant; they are also insane and stupid, but they are none-the less peerless as a community when it comes discussion that you can learn from. edit: I often grapple with all the ways Iv embarrassed myself on the forums over the years, as essentially my entire teens + included political evolution has been documented on them. Now that I'm 23 I can look back on it and say "Well I'm glad I at least embarrassed myself where people were willing to tell me what I was loving up" Venom Snake has issued a correction as of 03:18 on Nov 19, 2019 |
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Nov 19, 2019 03:16
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hey thread, been a while. i'm doing really good. this past week was the anniversary of a total breakdown i had last year, and i'm amazed at how far i've come. when the old thoughts that drove me to near-suicide show up nowadays, i find i can greet them like old friends, and just go about my day. being in a dark place is awful, and if you're there right now, that sucks. i'm rooting for you. recently i've been reading through some old books of Zen koans. koan just means "public case"; they're stories and poems that are well-known to be good meditation aids. i've found mindfulness / ACT therapy really helpful, and a lot of that stuff is basically just cribbed from Buddhism, so i thought, why not go to the source? quote:A man traveling across a field encountered a tiger. He fled, the tiger after him. Coming to a precipice, he caught hold of the root of a wild vine and swung himself down over the edge. The tiger sniffed at him from above. Trembling, the man looked down to where, far below, another tiger was waiting to eat him. Only the vine sustained him. vivid, isn't it? on the other hand, a lot of them come off as thousand-year-old monk shitposting. quote:Nansen Oshō saw monks of the Eastern and Western halls quarreling over a cat. He held up the cat and said, If you can give an answer, you will save the cat. If not, I will kill it. No one could answer, and Nansen cut the cat in two. i wonder if Jōshū likes Invader Zim. this does have an intended "answer", by the way. but any flash of insight you can draw from it after meditating on it for a while counts. i'm thinking about putting together a zine of bootleg koans; koans for people stuck in lovely apartments in late capitalism, who don't get to live on a mountaintop and zen out all day. quote:A woman said to her general practitioner, "I think you're actually an alien disguised as a doctor."
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Nov 19, 2019 17:03
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=45hM7iAkjk8
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Nov 19, 2019 17:11
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