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all the cheater apologists automatically assuming the cheater and her boyfriend have open communication about everything in a healthy manner and I'm sure he was hiding poo poo when she clearly states in her own account that they never even talked about it again
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Nov 17, 2019 05:50
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Serving people you know loving sucks.
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Nov 17, 2019 05:50
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Pinecone Sample posted:*Gen Xer voice* this is what we used to call keeping a streak going The guy's some kind of psychopath tbh. But I don't have sympathy for the woman either--she continued to cheat for a year after the boyfriend found out, and nothing in her post suggests that she understands how her cheating really must have hurt him.
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Nov 17, 2019 05:53
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Nobody is being a cheater apologist. Can you seriously not read all the times I said cheaters are bad loving people?  Cheaters are bad bad bad people. The concept here is "two wrongs don't make a right." Most of us learned that in kindergarten.
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Nov 17, 2019 05:55
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i like nice words
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VanSandman posted:YES that would be the non-lovely thing to do! To always, always, always be clear about long term plans! We know nothing about them having any discussions about their retirement. And if one side checked out 16 years ago it wouldnt surprise me at all if their communication is lacking
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Nov 17, 2019 05:59
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Cat Army
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The sad thing in that story is that they both wasted 16 years on each other
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Nov 17, 2019 06:14
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Anne Whateley posted:The concept here is "two wrongs don't make a right." Most of us learned that in kindergarten. True but it does make for one hell of a story for us to argue about.
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Nov 17, 2019 06:17
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Just to add: it would surprise me not at all that two people in their 30s would have done exactly zero retirement planning. About a quarter of people don't start saving for retirement until they're in their 40s. Not to say that's a good idea, but it's definitely a thing.
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Nov 17, 2019 06:25
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Maybe I’m not being fair to the guy: it’s possible he’s actually not a weirdo psychopath who’s willing to fake 16 years of happy partnership with the mother of his child in order to spectacularly own her with a “well I never actuslly said I forgive you”. He could just be dumb as hell and actually thought stealing 16 years of both their lives was the right thing to do Like other posters have pointed out, I cannot really imagine a situation where both people were being honest and forthright and this didn’t come up
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Nov 17, 2019 06:26
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AITA for driving 350 miles to my twin sister’s place unannounced to spend our birthday together and escalating the situation when she wouldn’t let me in? I’m her twin bro. We’re both in our 2nd year of uni on the opposite sides of the state. We spent our bdays together every year and have a custom of giving each other bday gifts. Last year was the exception. We agreed to give each other gifts during Thanksgiving break back at the parents’. This year too, we both agreed to give each other gifts during that break. She mentioned that she has her gift for me with her already, so I didn’t feel like she would feel burdened when I drop by announced and give her the gift. I decided not to notify her about my coming for 2 reasons. First, she might tell me not to come due to the hassle. Second, a surprise would be more memorable. I asked her what she was up to on the weekend and if there are any bday celebrations. She said she has nothing planned for Saturday and a bday dinner with friends Sunday. Our bday is Sunday, but I dropped by today on Saturday to spend more time with her. She has her own room in an apt shared with 2 other girls, so it wouldn’t be weird for me to stay a night. After all, we shared a room before going to different unis. I got to her place 6 hours of driving later. I pressed my ear on her door to see if they are awake and I heard hers and a guy’s voice. She has a bf who goes to uni in another state and I know his voice, but that voice wasn’t his. We were close friends in h.s. I assumed it was a friend, but in case it wasn’t, I didn’t want to fluster her by knocking. So I waited outside and texted her that I’m in front of her apt to spend our bday together. The voices in the apt got quiet. She replied in 2 minutes that she and her friends are spontaneously driving to a city 2 hours away to spend the day and she’s sorry. I know she’s lying. I’m 100% sure I heard her voice in there. I asked if I could meet her there since I’m already down here. She said she’ll be back around 10pm and to wait for her. She told me to catch up with my h.s. friends who go to her uni. I texted her that I know she’s in her apt, that I heard her talking to a guy. She said that must be her housemate. I told her I have been listening to her distinctive high-pitched voice for years and I know for certain that’s her voice. Once again, she denied. I told her that I would drop off the $300 gift in front of her door and go meet my friends, and if the wrapped gift is stolen before she takes it inside, then it’s her problem. She told me to give it to her when she returns, but I told her to come out to get it. I stood in the line of sight of her apt door for 10 minutes. Nothing. I’m at a mutual friend’s place right now. I told her about this and she said my sis has been awfully close and gone out on dates with a guy here since a Halloween party. She also said my sis hasn’t broken up with her official bf yet. I’m chilling with her until 10 and will see what happens next.
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Nov 17, 2019 06:31
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Expiration Date father reminds me of that brief saga when a kid was told that he was the product of his mom's affair and that upon turning 18 his father was done with him. No money for college, etc , when all his life he'd been told that there was an account.
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Nov 17, 2019 06:33
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Beachcomber posted:Expiration Date father reminds me of that brief saga when a kid was told that he was the product of his mom's affair and that upon turning 18 his father was done with him. No money for college, etc , when all his life he'd been told that there was an account. wasn't it even worse because there were non-affair kids and then him and the account was there for his non-affair kids and he was told to gently caress off
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Nov 17, 2019 06:37
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for driving 350 miles to my twin sister’s place unannounced to spend our birthday together and escalating the situation when she wouldn’t let me in?
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Nov 17, 2019 06:37
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I [32M] asked my girlfriend [33F] of 12 years to marry me, and she said no, now she is being extremely distant and i am really confusedquote:Me and my girlfriend have never fought, we get along fine. We have been living together for 9 years now, and have been dating for 12 years. We have a healthy sex life, we both have decent jobs that bring in decent money. In the past we talked about marriage a lot and would often joke about what our wedding would be like (yes i know how stupidly lame this sounds), however we always agreed we needed to settle down first.
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Nov 17, 2019 06:46
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thatguy posted:wasn't it even worse because there were non-affair kids and then him and the account was there for his non-affair kids and he was told to gently caress off Yes. Fortunately his siblings and grandparents had his back 100%.
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Nov 17, 2019 06:55
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DeadMansSuspenders posted:I [32M] asked my girlfriend [33F] of 12 years to marry me, and she said no, now she is being extremely distant and i am really confused There are only two possibilities: She cheated on him and the proposal triggered extreme guilt She was diagnosed with a terminal illness and doesn't want to make the guy marry her when she's just going to die soon anyway
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Nov 17, 2019 06:57
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DeadMansSuspenders posted:I [32M] asked my girlfriend [33F] of 12 years to marry me, and she said no, now she is being extremely distant and i am really confused I proposed to my girlfriend after 12 years, but she was expecting it and said yes. We were basically default-married since year 6. I did it on the summer solstice so I could tie that in, and as a bonus I'll never forget the date. And then we got married on D-Day. This has really gotta suck for this dude. I almost feel sick with worry just reading about it.
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Nov 17, 2019 06:59
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DeadMansSuspenders posted:I [32M] asked my girlfriend [33F] of 12 years to marry me, and she said no, now she is being extremely distant and i am really confused wow. that is just devastating
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Nov 17, 2019 06:59
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Also if the expiration date guy had just dumped his girlfriend when she cheated the son would have easily gotten over it by now but now as an 18 year old he has to deal with the realisation that his dad absolutely hates his mother and stayed with her for him, which I'm sure will not affect him at all. Dealing with huge betrayals by one of your parents as an adult due to actions they took to "protect" you as a child is absolutely not emotionally difficult, just ask me! This is standard depressing teenage relationship so I'm not including the body but it introduces a fun new modern term: I am [18F] struggling with instagram insecurity with my boyfriend [19M] of 10 months What do you guys think is better? Instacurity? Insta-insecurity? Metis of the Chat Thread fucked around with this message at 07:02 on Nov 17, 2019 |
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Nov 17, 2019 07:00
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Yeah, the only one I have any sympathy for in it is their kid. Sure, dad's not unreasonable to assume 18 is old enough for him to deal with his parents splitting, but if either of them ever tells him they only stayed together for him, he's going to be crushed. But, I can only make assumptions on that. I've never actually had to deal with that scenario myself, and anyone who has, I am truly, deeply sorry that you did.
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Nov 17, 2019 07:02
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DragQueenofAngmar posted:wow. that is just devastating Seriously. And she didn't even just nuke their relationship, by the sound of it she nuked her friendships and a just started doctor job.
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Nov 17, 2019 07:03
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professor metis posted:There are only two possibilities: Is it possible he's not as marriageable as he thinks? He might have a whole room of hentai figurines and Funko pops.
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Nov 17, 2019 07:03
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Holy poo poo. I dated my wife for almost as long as this guy before I proposed and I wasn’t nervous at all because of course the answer was going to be yes. That’s just devastating
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Nov 17, 2019 07:04
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Edit: Wait she vanished from work and friends and she left her belongings. Dude just leave it alone lest you get murdered by her former accomplice Vincenzo "Showers" Drippini
Barudak fucked around with this message at 07:10 on Nov 17, 2019 |
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Nov 17, 2019 07:04
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I'll kinda leaning towards the "proposal triggered turbo-guilt" scenario, given her adamant refusal to talk about it
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Nov 17, 2019 07:08
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Barudak posted:Dude let the water boil until the pot was dry, and now hes throwing in the ingredients and wondering why no stew is forthcoming. A 12 year relationship, especially as described, is basically the same as a marriage in every way but the paperwork. The stew is prepared and has been consistently served for years. They just didn't officially brand it "Tim&Sue's Beef Mix" yet.
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Nov 17, 2019 07:09
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I know a few couples who have spent years and years together but won't get married. Not like, they're against being married, they just wouldn't want to marry the person they've been with for ages. I can totally see a couple spending 12 years together and a proposal being kind of a wake-up call like "has it really been this long / when did this just become the default / now that i'm asked - do i really want to commit to a possibly lifetime of this?" breaking up is a huge hassle, especially if there's not like a pressing reason to break up. Also 12 years is like a shella long time to spend with anyone anyway, FOREVER LIFE TIME COMMITMENT relationship is kinda weird. That almost makes it seem like a student loan or something, just a thing you have to pay every month for the rest of your life
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Nov 17, 2019 07:13
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jesus that post was three years ago. did she ever come back?
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Nov 17, 2019 07:15
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Mister Olympus posted:jesus that post was three years ago. did she ever come back?  In his other two threads posted, he refers to 'our' and 'we'. He also does warhams so who can say?
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Nov 17, 2019 07:23
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dads friend steve posted:Maybe I’m not being fair to the guy: it’s possible he’s actually not a weirdo psychopath who’s willing to fake 16 years of happy partnership with the mother of his child in order to spectacularly own her with a “well I never actuslly said I forgive you”. He could just be dumb as hell and actually thought stealing 16 years of both their lives was the right thing to do In the comments, she says that when they talked he thought she was out having other relationships with other guys the entire time that they dated, and it's possible that he was doing the same or just wanted to focus on things other than dating. And I don't think that "stealing" is really the right word, presumably they both wanted to raise their son and they have jobs, friends, etc. Breaking up is hard but people manage to do it all the time and prove that they were individuals all along with their own hobbies, interests, etc.
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Nov 17, 2019 07:38
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professor metis posted:Also if the expiration date guy had just dumped his girlfriend when she cheated the son would have easily gotten over it by now but now as an 18 year old he has to deal with the realisation that his dad absolutely hates his mother and stayed with her for him, which I'm sure will not affect him at all. In the comments she says they're going with a "we've just drifted apart" story for the son + everyone else
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Nov 17, 2019 07:42
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datajugend posted:Im not defending the guy, he should have left her when she cheated and she should have left him when he said he was staying for the kid. But did he tell her that? It seems like he said "We're staying together for the kid." not "We're staying together for the kid and then when he turns 18, I'm leaving you." There is a big leap between two of those statements. Yeah, she was a stupid loving 22 year old that hosed up their relationship. Cheating is about lying and deceit and that's hosed up. But if he was planning to leave her for all these 16 years and never made that clear to her, his deception is far loving greater than hers. Mordiceius fucked around with this message at 07:57 on Nov 17, 2019 |
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Nov 17, 2019 07:51
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Careful dude, the pronoun police gon eat you alive.
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Nov 17, 2019 07:53
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Patrick Spens posted:What did he just look away sheepishly whenever she mentioned retirement planning or what to do with the kid's bedroom after he moved out? He doesn't need to have a calendar, but when she makes it obvious that she's planning on spending the rest of her life with him, he needs to be explicit that that's not happening. In the comments, she mentions that they don't discuss the future. She has no plans for retirement and they didn't talk about what was going to happen when their son moves out, nor do they have any other shared plans or ambitions. I guess it's not uncommon for someone pushing 40 to be on the SS No Retirement, but having no discussions at all about the future I think is unusual. This suggests to me that she didn't want to ask about the future because she already knew the answer. Simply being short-sighted is not out of the question, though She also talks about how she easily could have continued the affair if she wanted to, and that he never asked her to end it or checked that she did. She decided to end it because she was hoping to get him to forgive her, but he never did, and I guess she never actually asked. Anyway, sorry about your boyfriend, Pinecone Sample
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Nov 17, 2019 07:56
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Mordiceius posted:But did he tell her that? It seems like he said "We're staying together for the kid." not "We're staying together for the kid and then when he turns 18, I'm leaving you." There is a big leap between two of those statements. My little boy is turning 50 tomorrow, maybe he is ready
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Nov 17, 2019 08:06
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Thanks for digging through the comments. The story is bugging me in a way few of them here do. Now they just seem so insanely avoidant. Like wtf, she never talked about what they’ll do when the kid grows up? Definitely seemed like she didn’t want to think about what he said 18 years ago. And him just assuming she’s dating? Sounds like a huge cop out, he loving lived and coparented with her
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Nov 17, 2019 08:10
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dads friend steve posted:Thanks for digging through the comments. The story is bugging me in a way few of them here do. Now they just seem so insanely avoidant. Like wtf, she never talked about what they’ll do when the kid grows up? Definitely seemed like she didn’t want to think about what he said 18 years ago. And him just assuming she’s dating? Sounds like a huge cop out, he loving lived and coparented with her To be fair to him, she successfully cheated on him for a while before he found out so its not really odd of him to suspect that he isnt a very good judge of is she is or isnt in a relationship with someone else.
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Nov 17, 2019 08:12
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Barudak posted:To be fair to him, she successfully cheated on him for a while before he found out so its not really odd of him to suspect that he isnt a very good judge of is she is or isnt in a relationship with someone else.  I’m thinking about this way too much
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Nov 17, 2019 08:15
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Did he say he loved her during their relationship after her affair?
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Nov 17, 2019 08:23
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datajugend posted:The sad thing in that story is that they both wasted 16 years on each other The comments make it even more vicious. He plans to start another family now and she feels that at 38 she can't. She hasn't worked full time since before the kid was born. Isn't on the house, no shared accounts, no marriage etc... Fully believes that she could be homeless.
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Nov 17, 2019 08:25
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