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MarcusSA posted:He needs to have the other artist do it. She should do it for free for the exposure 
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Dec 1, 2019 20:27
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extremely online posted:Turns out you're in fact wrong and have brain problems  Ask me about penis sizesEdit: Oh wait I have you confused with carry on gently caress it close enough Butter Activities fucked around with this message at 20:35 on Dec 1, 2019 |
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Dec 1, 2019 20:30
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Araenna posted:I'm autistic and also don't mourn the right way. and nah that's loving ableist as hell. I do have brain problems, and I do go to therapy, and the way I mourn people doesn't mean I'm unable to be a loving functioning member of society. You can be doing everything right and you're still gonna have whatever brain problem you have. The idea that people who have mental issues just aren't getting therapy or aren't trying because they still have symptoms of some sort is bull poo poo. What, exactly, do you want people who don't mourn the way you do to do, exactly? Wait you actually proved his point. You've acknowledged that not mourning correctly isn't normal and that you've sought therapy for your "brain problems" in order to function more effectively. Maybe calling you a monster is a little rude, but the point is you guys are on the same side. What should people without empathy do exactly? Acknowledge it's an issue and seek therapy, as you have done. Pretending it's normal would be the bad direction to go.
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Dec 1, 2019 20:38
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MarcusSA posted:He needs to have the other artist do it. I wouldn't want a tattoo done by someone I was dating anyway. What if you break up and it's really nasty? Even if the tattoo had nothing to do with them otherwise, you're gonna think about them every time you see it. And god forbid there's anything about it you don't like. Once you break up you'd be kicking yourself for not going with the artist you really wanted for a piece of art that'll be on you forever to avoid some awkwardness and maybe an argument with someone you only dated for 2 years.
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Dec 1, 2019 20:39
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You....you can’t therapy your way to empathy. That’s not how therapy works. It can’t make you feel emotions
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Dec 1, 2019 20:39
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Crimson posted:Wait you actually proved his point. You've acknowledged that not mourning correctly isn't normal and that you've sought therapy for your "brain problems" in order to function more effectively. Maybe calling you a monster is a little rude, but the point is you guys are on the same side. What should people without empathy do exactly? Acknowledge it's an issue and seek therapy, as you have done. Pretending it's normal would be the bad direction to go. Calling people autistic people monsters for not performative grieving in the proper way is not a good point.
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Dec 1, 2019 20:41
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SpaceSDoorGunner posted:Calling people autistic people monsters for not performative grieving in the proper way is not a good point. Wasn't even the thrust of extremely online's posts, and the word monster was used by a totally different poster. I also acknowledged that's rude as hell, and it's counter productive, but araenna wrote a long meandering post that actually agreed with the thought that those behavior patterns are abnormal and deserving of therapy, which is true. And no, that doesn't mean we should treat them like lepers.
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Dec 1, 2019 20:46
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Crimson posted:Wasn't even the thrust of extremely online's posts, and the word monster was used by a totally different poster. I also acknowledged that's rude as hell, and it's counter productive, but araenna wrote a long meandering post that actually agreed with the thought that those behavior patterns are abnormal and deserving of therapy, which is true. And no, that doesn't mean we should treat them like lepers. Therapy would do literally nothing, it’s not a magic cure all
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Dec 1, 2019 20:47
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Crimson posted:Wait you actually proved his point. You've acknowledged that not mourning correctly isn't normal and that you've sought therapy for your "brain problems" in order to function more effectively. Maybe calling you a monster is a little rude, but the point is you guys are on the same side. What should people without empathy do exactly? Acknowledge it's an issue and seek therapy, as you have done. Pretending it's normal would be the bad direction to go. Also, how the gently caress is calling someone a monster for how their brain works "a little rude"? It's straight up ableism. Like maybe the problem isn't that I don't mourn in the right way, but that people call me a monster for it.
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Dec 1, 2019 20:49
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CharlestheHammer posted:Therapy would do literally nothing, it’s not a magic cure all Ah OK, do nothing then. I forgot therapy has never helped anyone.
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Dec 1, 2019 20:49
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“Broken brain” whatever terminology he’s using is besides the point, it’s inconsiderate and bad and particularly ironic since he’s one of the posters that gets hypersensitive about his pet causes. Not grieving in the normal way doesn’t make you a loving psychopath ffs.
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Dec 1, 2019 20:49
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Crimson posted:Ah OK, do nothing then. I forgot therapy has never helped anyone. Therapy helps with some problems it’s not all or nothing. Unless there is something we don’t know this is one of the nothing ones.
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Dec 1, 2019 20:50
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This isn’t a fun derail anyway now let’s debate how how my healthy my grieving process of giving strippers handies is.
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Dec 1, 2019 20:53
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Crimson posted:Ah OK, do nothing then. I forgot therapy has never helped anyone. what do you mean i don't need antibiotics because i have the flu why does anyone bother with antibiotics at all then?? edit^: that combined with CBT is the only way my therapist and i have worked out for me to express my feelings of grief honestly
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Dec 1, 2019 20:53
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Araenna posted:I wouldn't want a tattoo done by someone I was dating anyway. What if you break up and it's really nasty? Even if the tattoo had nothing to do with them otherwise, you're gonna think about them every time you see it. And god forbid there's anything about it you don't like. Once you break up you'd be kicking yourself for not going with the artist you really wanted for a piece of art that'll be on you forever to avoid some awkwardness and maybe an argument with someone you only dated for 2 years. Yeah this too actually.
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Dec 1, 2019 20:55
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Araenna posted:I'm autistic 
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Dec 1, 2019 20:55
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Araenna posted:I will be upset when my mother and fiance die. I was upset when my father died. I was upset when my grandmother died when I was 10. I was upset but mostly relieved when my terrible grandmother died when I was an adult. I don't really think I've actually had anyone else really close die, and I haven't really mourned anyone else at all. People die and that sucks. And I care about people mourning and don't think they're suckers or whatever strawman keeps getting brought it. This already makes you a world apart from the OP. She admitted that she questions her ability to get upset at the hypothetical loss of her husband, the person she should be emotionally closest to. There's a difference between processing grief differently than others and not being capable of feeling any sort of loss at all.
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Dec 1, 2019 20:58
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Araenna posted:Except it is normal. If not being able to have empathy or show emotions properly was normal you wouldn't be in therapy. That's the whole point of treatment. Whatever direction your therapist takes it, they are trying to help you work through that and deal with it in the best ways possible. We can all agree you're not a monster to be deprogrammed and fixed. You're arguing points I never made. No one deserves to be insulted for having mental health issues, just like you don't yell at somebody for having a brain tumor or cancer. But you're not helping anyone having trouble coping with mental health issues by insisting that abnormal behavior doesn't or can't benefit from treatment or that it's all totally normal, no need to seek treatment for behaviors most of the population would consider highly abnormal. We also don't know what issues the woman has specifically, but from an armchair psychology perspective I don't think it's a stretch to say she might be on the spectrum and is untreated, and acknowledging it and learning coping mechanisms could possibly benefit her. That's really not an outlandish position.
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Dec 1, 2019 20:59
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Do you know what the word coping means? It means dealing with something not creating something from thin air. In effect with a coping mechanism nothing would really change for the husband. Ironically he could use therapy so he could cope with her position
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Dec 1, 2019 21:03
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This actually made it onto a local news site, because it must be a slow day. AITA for not doing photos for my friend's wedding? quote:Final edit: Got a call from an officer, my wife and I went down and did one more statement. Bridezilla and her Dad were both arrested last night after I called it in. They had all the evidence they needed from social media and the messages I submitted. I'm not sure what happens next but I'm glad action is being taken and the state is taking the case. The phone calls and stop ins have muted and I'll likely be subpoenaed to testify I think. My main takeaway is to never placate an rear end in a top hat and to call the cops and then ask questions later when you're being criminally harassed. Thank you all so much for your opinions, this post lightened the mood for me a bit and I feel validated knowing according to most of you I'm NTA. Have a great day. I will update if any more fun happens. Edit: Mugshot came from the wrong news story! chitoryu12 fucked around with this message at 21:20 on Dec 1, 2019 |
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Dec 1, 2019 21:11
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chitoryu12 posted:This actually made it onto a local news site, because it must be a slow day. This entire post is absolutely mind-boggling. The bride insisted the photographer had to pay her? And hinged her budget on having the cash from that to pay the officiant? And people still took her side??! 
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Dec 1, 2019 21:24
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chitoryu12 posted:This actually made it onto a local news site, because it must be a slow day. Ok what in the gently caress state is this?? That’s the most insane story I’ve read about a wedding in a while.
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Dec 1, 2019 21:26
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I don't know nothing about nothing when it comes to weddings, but I am under the impression that paying 50 dollars for a wedding photographer would be a steal. Is there something in the drinking water where that happened?
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Dec 1, 2019 21:27
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Mr. Lobe posted:Is there something in the drinking water where that happened? This is why I really need to know what crazy rear end state this is.
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Dec 1, 2019 21:28
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Dazerbeams posted:This already makes you a world apart from the OP. She admitted that she questions her ability to get upset at the hypothetical loss of her husband, the person she should be emotionally closest to. There's a difference between processing grief differently than others and not being capable of feeling any sort of loss at all. I feel like this really misses the point. "Oh, but you're not as bad as this person, so it's different." Except it's not? I do get called a monster for not mourning hard enough. Just because to you it doesn't cross the line from "processing differently" to "not processing at all" doesn't mean it doesn't for others. I honestly don't know how upset I'll be at my fiance and mother dying. Judging by past experiences, it'll be a lot less and for not nearly as long as will be expected of me. I will likely talk about it in ways that make people uncomfortable again. I will likely not get upset in situations or conversations people will expect me to. In fact, I'm pretty sure the the way I'm reacting to my fiance's father's death would probably be considered on the level of that woman's reaction to her cousin dying. It sucks. But he had Alzheimer's and was in a nursing home. I've been hoping he'd go fast like this for years. It's objectively a good thing in most ways and I personally don't feel anything but relief it happened sooner rather than later. I feel bad for his mom and family, but also 100% believe they're better off for it. I'm sure I'll cry at the funeral but I also literally will cry at a commercial so I'm not sure that speaks much to the actual amount of grief I feel. Honestly, before I lost my father, I would have answered very similarly to that woman if asked about being upset if my fiance died. Because at that point, going by how I reacted to my grandmothers' deaths, I wouldn't really be sure either. Crimson posted:If not being able to have empathy or show emotions properly was normal you wouldn't be in therapy. That's the whole point of treatment. Whatever direction your therapist takes it, they are trying to help you work through that and deal with it in the best ways possible. We can all agree you're not a monster to be deprogrammed and fixed. You're arguing points I never made. No one deserves to be insulted for having mental health issues, just like you don't yell at somebody for having a brain tumor or cancer. But you're not helping anyone having trouble coping with mental health issues by insisting that abnormal behavior doesn't or can't benefit from treatment or that it's all totally normal, no need to seek treatment for behaviors most of the population would consider highly abnormal. Why do you assume I'm in therapy because I don't show empathy and emotions properly? Where did I say that no one needs therapy because everything is normal? This specific thing we're discussing is fine. Just because the rest of the population considers it abnormal doesn't mean it's a problem. If it's not hurting someone and isn't disruptive to life, why does it need to be changed? Who's it hurting? What's the problem? It's also a thing that can't be fixed or worked on in the way people seem to be implying. What do you do about it? How do you make people feel things? You can teach people how to process grief in healthier ways. But how do you teach someone to manifest an emotion entirely? Or to make an emotion stronger? Why would you teach them to more strongly feel a negative emotion such as grief? Not to actually feel and process an emotion they're suppressing. But to feel something they just don't. What is there to work through? What exactly do you think I'm dealing with? Because what I'm "dealing with" is the judgement from others and the shame they make me feel. It otherwise has no negative impact on my life in any way. If anything it has a positive impact because I grieve less. What should my therapy's end goal be, exactly? Edit:^should have reloaded. i want to know the other side's story because i can't figure out how so many people could be on the bride's side Araenna fucked around with this message at 21:35 on Dec 1, 2019 |
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Dec 1, 2019 21:33
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Farmer Crack-rear end posted:This entire post is absolutely mind-boggling. The bride insisted the photographer had to pay her? And hinged her budget on having the cash from that to pay the officiant? And people still took her side??! This person’s mother took the bride’s side. What kind of trashy dirt bag universe do they live in?
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Dec 1, 2019 21:33
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Fallom posted:This person’s mother took the bride’s side. What kind of trashy dirt bag universe do they live in? San Francisco area?
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Dec 1, 2019 21:38
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The mugshot I accidentally had up at first came from this story from Texas:quote:It happened Saturday at Parker Manor, a wedding venue operated by The Springs Events located near Weatherford. Photographer Katie Mehta, 26, was documenting a wedding, but according to the Parker County Sheriff, the bride and groom got more than they bargained for.
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Dec 1, 2019 21:41
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I guess it's west of fort worth, texas
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Dec 1, 2019 21:42
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Araenna posted:I'm autistic and also don't mourn the right way. and nah that's loving ableist as hell. I do have brain problems, and I do go to therapy, and the way I mourn people doesn't mean I'm unable to be a loving functioning member of society. You can be doing everything right and you're still gonna have whatever brain problem you have. The idea that people who have mental issues just aren't getting therapy or aren't trying because they still have symptoms of some sort is bull poo poo. What, exactly, do you want people who don't mourn the way you do to do, exactly? you said that you would be upset, and also that you would not want to do the logistical things around a funeral. there’s nothing wrong with that! the OP of that post, however, could not even say she would be upset. she was not certain that she would be upset if her husband died. I at least (don’t know about other posters) am not gatekeeping how upset someone has to be, or saying that not looking forward to the logistics of a funeral at the same time is wrong. people have different levels of emotional reaction, and different ranges of how upset it’s possible to be. but unless she has no capacity to be upset or emotionally affected by anything at all, I do think that not imagining that you’d be bothered by the death of the person you chose to marry does say something about how much you care about that person.
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Dec 1, 2019 21:53
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DragQueenofAngmar posted:you said that you would be upset, and also that you would not want to do the logistical things around a funeral. there’s nothing wrong with that! the OP of that post, however, could not even say she would be upset. she was not certain that she would be upset if her husband died. I at least (don’t know about other posters) am not gatekeeping how upset someone has to be, or saying that not looking forward to the logistics of a funeral at the same time is wrong. people have different levels of emotional reaction, and different ranges of how upset it’s possible to be. but unless she has no capacity to be upset or emotionally affected by anything at all, I do think that not imagining that you’d be bothered by the death of the person you chose to marry does say something about how much you care about that person. Which is why I said it's probably best for her to see a therapist and figure out if there's really a huge disconnect or what. If there is, it's not going to fix the underlying issue, but it might help her going forward.
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Dec 1, 2019 21:58
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Araenna posted:Why do you assume I'm in therapy because I don't show empathy and emotions properly? Where did I say that no one needs therapy because everything is normal? This specific thing we're discussing is fine. Just because the rest of the population considers it abnormal doesn't mean it's a problem. If it's not hurting someone and isn't disruptive to life, why does it need to be changed? Who's it hurting? What's the problem? It's also a thing that can't be fixed or worked on in the way people seem to be implying. What do you do about it? How do you make people feel things? You can teach people how to process grief in healthier ways. But how do you teach someone to manifest an emotion entirely? Or to make an emotion stronger? Why would you teach them to more strongly feel a negative emotion such as grief? Not to actually feel and process an emotion they're suppressing. But to feel something they just don't. What is there to work through? What exactly do you think I'm dealing with? Because what I'm "dealing with" is the judgement from others and the shame they make me feel. It otherwise has no negative impact on my life in any way. If anything it has a positive impact because I grieve less. What should my therapy's end goal be, exactly? I assumed you have trouble showing empathy because you expressly stated you share the same issue as the OP: grieving improperly. Others took it a bit more directly, insinuating therapy doesn't do anything, but you also seem confused on what therapy is for and what help it's capable of providing. It's not just to help people cope with their issues while keeping their current behaviors the same, it can also be a tool to help people recognize destructive behaviors (whether personally destructive or hurtful to those around them) and help them take steps to change those behaviors. You're also taking a way overly simplistic viewpoint of emotion. Your therapist isn't just gonna say, "You're not feeling sad enough. Try feeling sad right now. Feel more sad until people think it's appropriate." There are often underlying issues or traumas that could be preventing them from emoting. Also, I don't know exactly what you're dealing with, but if people regularly make you feel shame for your behavior I would say that's a pretty huge negative impact on your life. You can certainly learn to deal with the shame, because we all know you're not going to change other people, but I also hope you're introspective enough to examine where you might also be able to change your own behaviors to better navigate this cruel world full of assholes. Also, to specifically answer your question on why we should feel grief (and why people expect it), it's because grief is an adaptive trait that's been with us since the caveman days. It reflects your bond with your fellow man, and lack of it shows those around you that you lack empathy for the living. If you had empathy and cared for those around you, how could you possibly not feel a profound sense of grief and loss when they're gone? Unless of course your view of the next stage of human evolution is to be an unfeeling cyborg with no empathy or remorse.
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Dec 1, 2019 21:59
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I developed empathy after watching a male stripper receive a sad, sad handjob from a wedding party while being told to pay the bride 50 dollars.
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Dec 1, 2019 22:04
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chitoryu12 posted:The mugshot I accidentally had up at first came from this story from Texas: You hire an influencer you get what you deserve.
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Dec 1, 2019 22:05
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Cat Army
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SpaceSDoorGunner posted:I developed empathy after watching a male stripper receive a sad, sad handjob from a wedding party while being told to pay the bride 50 dollars. Hey now, that's a bit unfair. We haven't had a massive stupid derail about the photographer story. Give it time, it only just got posted.
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Dec 1, 2019 22:10
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Zulily Zoetrope posted:Hey now, that's a bit unfair. What is there to derail about? It’s a pretty straight forward fuckin wild story.
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Dec 1, 2019 22:11
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Zulily Zoetrope posted:Hey now, that's a bit unfair. The secret sauce is that someone needs to present the thread with a hot take. Someone taking the bride's side in earnest would do the trick. However I'm not sure there's a goon that far gone.
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Dec 1, 2019 22:12
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Farmer Crack-rear end posted:This entire post is absolutely mind-boggling. The bride insisted the photographer had to pay her? And hinged her budget on having the cash from that to pay the officiant? And people still took her side??! So yeah, I can totally believe that OMG WEDDING idiocy coupled with her making some elaborate story about how suuuuuuper expensive the photographer was but were paid in advance and then offered the bride $50 to "help out" got people on the wrong side. Wedding services are pricey as gently caress and I can totally see people minimizing the photographer's work as "well *I* can just use portrait mode on my iphone why are *they* so special they need hundred of dollars for this poo poo!"
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Dec 1, 2019 22:12
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MarcusSA posted:What is there to derail about? It’s a pretty straight forward fuckin wild story. Mr. Lobe posted:The secret sauce is that someone needs to present the thread with a hot take. Someone taking the bride's side in earnest would do the trick. However I'm not sure there's a goon that far gone. That's the joke I was going for. Sorry, I'll try harder next time.
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Dec 1, 2019 22:21
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/r/relationships: Grief stricken stripper handjobs in the tubby
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