/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Runcible Cat posted:

First line was hell yes,

When you say first line do you mean,

quote:

AITA for refusing to let my soon to be ex wife and her boyfriend have a key to my house.

Or the title lol

Also gently caress that little brother what a little douche.

Kick him out with no second thought about it.

# ? Dec 14, 2019 20:21

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# ? May 31, 2024 09:30

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

DemoneeHo posted:

Ah, but then you'd have to waste precious space on your carry-on luggage to bring something soft for those hard spots.

Plus most of us are at least 5 and a half feet tall, so something that short isn't comfortable.

Anyways, it's better that the three of us were able to recline than one of us taking to whole row to lie down. Needs of the many, yadda yadda yadda

Having a row to yourself is still more comfortable than sitting in a full row, imo, even if that one person chooses to not recline.

# ? Dec 14, 2019 20:32

Runcible Cat: May 28, 2007; Ignoring this post

MarcusSA posted:

When you say first line do you mean,

Or the title lol

Also gently caress that little brother what a little douche.

Kick him out with no second thought about it.

Yeah, title. Though if she has the key boyf can get it easy enough.

And hell yeah WTF. You live in someone's house for free, eat their food and don't get off your arse to do a few loving chores for them? Even if the wife hadn't been eight months gone. I'm glad big brother was a total Pete about it. If mum wants to bitch she can take in the freeloading little poo poo.

# ? Dec 14, 2019 20:34

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for not allowing my wife's sister's family to live with us after her husband lost his job?

My brother-in-law lost his job about 1 month ago and his family (2 adults, 2 kids) are going to need a place to stay since they can't afford their apartment anymore among other things. They asked if they could move in with us.

For many years my brother-in-law and sister-in-law have bragged about how much money they have, all the nice things they buy and how much better their things are than mine. These have not been passing comments; these were usually direct statements. Years ago they moved into these fancy new luxury apartments that cost a fair amount more per month than my mortgage. Every other year they get two new leased cars. Their clothing always must have the big-name logo on them. Fancy watches and I could go on. I've just learned to ignore them since I was certain they lived way past their means. I also spend as little time around them as I can since they almost always make a scene wherever they go.

Their kids are also jerks who have no comprehension of right and wrong or respect of people's property. They are 10 and 12 and should understand this. The last time they were over our house, the older kid put a hole in my basement wall with his foot. I asked the parents to pay for the repair, they were not willing to do that since "kids are kids" and we should expect that to happen. I dropped the issue and paid a local handyman the $100 to repair it.

My wife and I have done the opposite. We never discuss money or purchases with anyone. We are dumping as much as we can into our 401k's, emergency fund, mortgage, have a college fund for our kid and set aside money for fun. I'm not saying that my wife's and my way is perfect, but we do plan for the future.

I must be right that they lived beyond their means because they must not have any savings since they can't make it a couple months with severance and unemployment checks.

The first time they contacted us was to ask to borrow money. It was about the equivalent of 6 months of mortgage payments. I told my wife that I did not want to do this since I have huge doubts that we would ever be paid back. They wanted the money so they could keep up their lifestyle instead of cutting back and make it last as long as possible. Also, I just did not want to bail them out of a problem they created.

The next time they contacted us was to ask to move in with us (we are their only family on this side of the state). I just can't. I talked with my wife and she understands and agrees, but the "family" part is what is troubling her. They also refuse to ask their friends if they can stay with them for unknown reasons. Apparently our decision has made the rounds with cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, etc and I'm being accused (just me - not my wife) of being unreasonable for not opening up our home to them.

Am I the rear end in a top hat for keeping my home as is and not bailing their family out of a self-created problem?

# ? Dec 14, 2019 20:39

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not allowing my wife's sister's family to live with us after her husband lost his job?

Oh hell to the no. A thousand times no.

That�s just ridiculous.

# ? Dec 14, 2019 20:42

SilvergunSuperman: Aug 7, 2010

Obviously not, although the grasshopper vs ant telling of it is a bit heavy-handed.

# ? Dec 14, 2019 20:45

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not allowing my wife's sister's family to live with us after her husband lost his job?
...
The first time they contacted us was to ask to borrow money. It was about the equivalent of 6 months of mortgage payments. I told my wife that I did not want to do this since I have huge doubts that we would ever be paid back. They wanted the money so they could keep up their lifestyle instead of cutting back and make it last as long as possible. Also, I just did not want to bail them out of a problem they created.

The next time they contacted us was to ask to move in with us (we are their only family on this side of the state). I just can't. I talked with my wife and she understands and agrees, but the "family" part is what is troubling her. They also refuse to ask their friends if they can stay with them for unknown reasons. Apparently our decision has made the rounds with cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, etc and I'm being accused (just me - not my wife) of being unreasonable for not opening up our home to them.

Am I the rear end in a top hat for keeping my home as is and not bailing their family out of a self-created problem?

Yup sounds about right. Tell your brother that your home is too small to house his lovely family

Homeless after 1 month, wow

# ? Dec 14, 2019 20:46

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not allowing my wife's sister's family to live with us after her husband lost his job?

The only obligation I'd see to do this is for the sake of the kids, but it sounds like the kids have never been taught to respect other people's belongings so that would add another layer of hell. Still the fault of the parents, but I wouldn't want them in my house either.

# ? Dec 14, 2019 21:04

ilmucche: Mar 16, 2016; What did you say the strategy was?

I had a guy recline his seat into me on a transatlantic flight. I peeked around the chair during the night and he was leaning forward to sleep on the seat in front of him.

# ? Dec 14, 2019 21:38

Trapick: Apr 17, 2006

ilmucche posted:

I had a guy recline his seat into me on a transatlantic flight. I peeked around the chair during the night and he was leaning forward to sleep on the seat in front of him.

We can certainly all agree that this guy deserves the guillotine.

# ? Dec 14, 2019 21:54

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

The city literally came and took our street away.

quote:

So, there was a table sized pothole blocking one side of our street. It’s been there since May. It was really inconvenient because you couldn’t enter the street from that side. The city let it sit there for 6 months, all summer and fall.

We all got letters mid November that the city would be shutting the road down to repave it, and it would be closed for a week. We’d all have to park our cars on a neighboring street and walk to our houses. Fine.

So the time comes, they rip the street up. They spend 4-5 days moving dirt around and then we don’t see them again. Three 55 degree days pass with no workers in sight.

Then there’s a snowstorm. This should have been foreseen. It’s extremely snowy where we live during this time of year. And again, they let the entire summer and fall go by without making any attempts to fix the pothole.

That snow was almost 3 weeks ago, and it’s been nice weather since. We are on almost 4 weeks of having a 2 foot drop in front of our house onto a bumpy dirt mess. We can’t get into our driveways at all. We have to carry groceries from our cars down the street. There’s elderly people that live on this block that can’t really get out of their houses at all because the walk to their car is too much. Not to mention, what if one of these houses caught fire? Or if someone had a heart attack? There’s literally no way an ambulance or firetruck could get in here.

What can we do? The city is ghosting us. We have no idea what’s going on or why they’ve stopped working. This is a really nice neighborhood and we pay a lot to live here. We should be able to access the driveways we are paying for, and we should certainly have a street in front of our house that we pay taxes on.

*****Update: Got the mayor to finally email me back. FINALLY. It was a very rambling, very weird email. Bad punctuation and some weird formatting. So first she blamed it on the snow. They were waiting for it to melt, and then dry. (Although if they would have taken a bit of time to remove the snow I’m sure it would have dried a lot faster.) I said nope, it hasn’t snowed in almost 3 weeks now and nothing has been done. Now she says supposedly the clay is too “saturated”? Which is weird because from what I can see, it’s dry. Granted I’m no expert, but it’s literally not wet at all. So then I questioned why they decided to do this now and not over the summer when it was warm. She said “Yes, we do wish we had done things differently looking back now.” I’m just thinking this laundry list of excuses is so bizarre. Oh, and the BEST excuse? That when the snow came, we all shoveled the snow off of our driveways into the street. So I guess it’s actually our fault. I laughed pretty hard at that one.

I also questioned the fact that no emergency vehicles can access us. She told me “not to worry” that she is in contact with emergency departments and they have a plan in place in case something happens. I told her that we would love to hear that plan, as my husband is a cop and is seriously doubtful that they could put out a house fire out if it happened. AND we just had a shooting in this SAME neighborhood in which a cop was shot. My husband said that if he had been on this street, he would have bled out and died.

She has not responded to that.

****Also to add, I’m not sure if it makes any difference, but this is a decently small town. We are a small offshoot of a major metropolitan city in the US. So not a little country town, but definitely not a big city at all

# ? Dec 14, 2019 21:58

FoolyCharged: Oct 11, 2012; Cheating at a raffle? I sentence you to 1 year in jail! No! Two years! Three! Four! Five years! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Somebody call for an ant?

Pinecone Sample posted:

The city literally came and took our street away.

This sounds exactly like the right time to call your local news station out to put this poo poo on the evening news.

# ? Dec 14, 2019 22:05

SilvergunSuperman: Aug 7, 2010

I've got sympathy for that person.
My street's been torn up and completely closed since August, was supposed to be done in October and they just started paving last week.

# ? Dec 14, 2019 22:08

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for "rewarding" my employee this way?

At my fast food place I manage I have an employee, "Hal" who's been a bit of problem but not enough of one to fire him. We have side-work and cleaning tasks we do once our morning rush ends to prepare the joint for nightshift. There are easy tasks everyone fights over and hard tasks no one wants. I have side-work of my own that only the manager can do so I allow my employees to delegate amongst themselves since they're the ones doing the tasks. That said, I'd never ask them to do a task I, myself have not done or wouldn't do if the need arose. I keep a white-board up by the employee sink where everyone initials by which task they did. It's all about fairness and lately I've noticed Hal will rush to do the easy stuff and sign his name then sit back and watch his coworkers do the harder tasks without helping. Hal works the 5am-12pm shift and once we're slow I have to start letting people leave otherwise I'm losing money so Hal typically ends up leaving when he's finished. I admit to being remiss while doing my own work but that's all changing.

I took a couple days, reviewed the camera footage, talked to my employees, let them vent, apologized for not noticing sooner, and then come up with a way to fairly punish Hal. It's just sort of sucky because while he's being a jerk to his coworkers he's technically doing his job so I had to find an accurate way to punish without going too far.

Day before yesterday I called everyone together when the rush ended and pretended to scold everyone but Hal, then I praised Hal for being so efficient and thorough with his side-tasks and said that since he was the only one willing to work then maybe he wouldn't mind doing all of the side-work since he's the only one I can trust. I think he realized he had been caught out but he didn't say anything and he did the work. My other employees I gave very easy tasks like wiping down the counters, or helping me count the tips, and they all ended being able to leave early or on-time while Hal stayed until I let him go: exactly at the time which he was scheduled to leave and not a moment later or sooner.

All yesterday Hal was very, very passive aggressively quiet and broody. He wouldn't speak to me at all unless I asked him a direct question and barely spoke to his coworkers. When he did his side-work he did bathrooms and trash, two of the least-liked tasks, finished them early and efficiently and was able to leave about twenty minutes early. But I could tell he was very upset.

But now I'm beginning to worry, was this punishment too much? Should I have just given him a lecture and warning? Was I an rear end in a top hat?

# ? Dec 14, 2019 22:16

Sunswipe: Feb 5, 2016; by Fluffdaddy

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for "rewarding" my employee this way?

"AITA for using an employee as a whipping boy rather than admit I wasn't doing my job properly?" :iiam:

# ? Dec 14, 2019 22:21

Pez: Feb 28, 2002; Thanks to CoX, my stairs will be protected forever!

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for "rewarding" my employee this way?

I would say it's time to start being the manager in that aspect too and not leave it up to the employees to sort among themselves, make a rotating schedule of duties so everyone shares the crap parts. Also maybe see who wants to consistently leave early and who needs the money enough to stay the full shift and plan accordingly, I always had a few who wanted to leave early and others who asked for as much time as possible so they didn't mind doing the cruddy parts

# ? Dec 14, 2019 22:54

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

Yeah that guy is a terrible manager

# ? Dec 14, 2019 23:28

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Yeah what's this first come first served nonsense? If he's doing way less work than everyone else, then give him more to do. The correct answer is to try and make things more equitable

# ? Dec 14, 2019 23:33

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for letting my employee pick up the check?

I run a small company. One of my friends works for me and has a senior position (as senior as you can be at a small company).

He and I go to lunch regularly. Sometimes he picks up the check, sometimes I do. We always end up talking about business for a good chuck of lunch, though we are personal friends as well.

Today I asked the server for the itemized receipt so I could expense the lunch. My friend/employee asked, �you expense these?�.

I told my girlfriend this story and she reacted very negatively. She said I should either pick up the check every time and expense, instruct my employee to expense when he picks it up, or neither of us should expense every time. She thinks it is unfair for him to pay out of pocket and me to pay with the company�s money.

As a founder of the company I think it�s perfectly reasonable of me to use my discretion about when a lunch can be expensed, and I�m not doing anything wrong by letting my friend/colleague pick up the tab.

AITA for letting him pick up the tab, and expensing it when I pick it up?

# ? Dec 14, 2019 23:48

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

Tell your girlfriend she can ask who the rear end in a top hat is to tips@irs.gov

# ? Dec 14, 2019 23:52

Evil Willow: Apr 26, 2007; Bored now...

How should I(20/f) ask a stranger (46/m) out via email?

quote:

There is this man(46/m) I(20/f) like and I thought of writing him an email. I would write something like this:

quote:
Hi! I think you're a very handsome man and you're also tall and hairy which I find very attractive. I love your voice too. I would love to get to know you since you seem like a very kind, patient and friendly man and a good person. Maybe we should talk a little here and then get a coffee or something. Even if you don't want to date, we could still be friends.

I am not certain he's single. How do you think he might react? Would he be mh friend if he turns out to not like me or is taken? Also in my language, there is a formal "pronoun" to address people which we use in most situations (outside of family and friends) unless otherwise specified and i am not sure if I should use that since it would sound weird in an email like this but I dint want him to get mad at me for this.

TL;DR: I like a stranger and I want to ask him out via email but I am not sure how to do it

# ? Dec 15, 2019 01:05

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Lucrece posted:

How should I(20/f) ask a stranger (46/m) out via email?

I am not certain he's single. How do you think he might react? Would he be mh friend if he turns out to not like me or is taken? Also in my language, there is a formal "pronoun" to address people which we use in most situations (outside of family and friends) unless otherwise specified and i am not sure if I should use that since it would sound weird in an email like this but I dint want him to get mad at me for this.

TL;DR: I like a stranger and I want to ask him out via email but I am not sure how to do it

[/quote]

What in the hell is this?

# ? Dec 15, 2019 01:07

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

Just get tinder ffs

# ? Dec 15, 2019 01:26

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot; College Slice

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not allowing my wife's sister's family to live with us after her husband lost his job?

My brother-in-law lost his job about 1 month ago and his family (2 adults, 2 kids) are going to need a place to stay since they can't afford their apartment anymore among other things. They asked if they could move in with us.

For many years my brother-in-law and sister-in-law have bragged about how much money they have, all the nice things they buy and how much better their things are than mine. These have not been passing comments; these were usually direct statements. Years ago they moved into these fancy new luxury apartments that cost a fair amount more per month than my mortgage. Every other year they get two new leased cars. Their clothing always must have the big-name logo on them. Fancy watches and I could go on. I've just learned to ignore them since I was certain they lived way past their means. I also spend as little time around them as I can since they almost always make a scene wherever they go.

Their kids are also jerks who have no comprehension of right and wrong or respect of people's property. They are 10 and 12 and should understand this. The last time they were over our house, the older kid put a hole in my basement wall with his foot. I asked the parents to pay for the repair, they were not willing to do that since "kids are kids" and we should expect that to happen. I dropped the issue and paid a local handyman the $100 to repair it.

My wife and I have done the opposite. We never discuss money or purchases with anyone. We are dumping as much as we can into our 401k's, emergency fund, mortgage, have a college fund for our kid and set aside money for fun. I'm not saying that my wife's and my way is perfect, but we do plan for the future.

I must be right that they lived beyond their means because they must not have any savings since they can't make it a couple months with severance and unemployment checks.

The first time they contacted us was to ask to borrow money. It was about the equivalent of 6 months of mortgage payments. I told my wife that I did not want to do this since I have huge doubts that we would ever be paid back. They wanted the money so they could keep up their lifestyle instead of cutting back and make it last as long as possible. Also, I just did not want to bail them out of a problem they created.

The next time they contacted us was to ask to move in with us (we are their only family on this side of the state). I just can't. I talked with my wife and she understands and agrees, but the "family" part is what is troubling her. They also refuse to ask their friends if they can stay with them for unknown reasons. Apparently our decision has made the rounds with cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, etc and I'm being accused (just me - not my wife) of being unreasonable for not opening up our home to them.

Am I the rear end in a top hat for keeping my home as is and not bailing their family out of a self-created problem?

They would suck your family dry, expect you to thank them for the privilege, and then leave as soon as they can't mooch off you anymore. Stay firm with the no and if family try to guilt trip you for it, ask them why the family can't move in with THEM then.

# ? Dec 15, 2019 01:44

Eediot Jedi: Dec 25, 2007; This is where I begin to speculate what being a
man of my word costs me

quote:

My ex wanted to throw away our relationship over my period. Yesterday I signed and bought his half of our house.

Edit- thank you to everyone for the awards. I didn’t even notice the Christmas ones! How cute!
Edit- to all the threatening messages and garbage, you’re wasting your time. I really don’t care what an internet stranger has to say about my hygiene habits. Y’all keep making me stronger 💪🏻✌🏻

I’m glad this nightmare is coming to an end. My boyfriend and I both owned our home 50/50 and his mooch best friend lived with us rent free. I made a post on AITA a while ago and explained the situation in more detail. I don’t know how to link, but it’s in my post history.

His biggest issue with me was that I would throw away my wrapped (in tissue and a plastic bag to please him) tampons in the trash in the main bathroom where our shower is. He was disgusting with this and didn’t want to compromise like I tried doing. I even got a different trash can with a tight lid. (There was never any visible blood or smell) he didn’t care. He wanted me to use my private bathroom in my room. Because things like bleeding should be kept far away from him.

I always changed a tampon before baths/showers and the main bathroom was more convenient where it’s located in the house. Why would I go through the trouble to go to my half bath in my room. It’s my house? He doesn’t pay rent. He’s a guest.

Well my boyfriend took his side. His friend got worse and worse and became verbally abusive to me while my boyfriend watched and let it happen. He even tried to get him to kick me out of my own house. Well I told him it was either me or his friend but his friend couldn’t stay with us anymore. My boyfriend picked his friend and I ended the relationship. I told him that I’m putting the house for sale or I can buy him out. He couldn’t afford the house without me so yesterday I legally bought him out and I’m done with this headache. I can now dispose of my tampons however I wish. ❤️

Murder.

# ? Dec 15, 2019 01:55

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

SilvergunSuperman posted:

Obviously not, although the grasshopper vs ant telling of it is a bit heavy-handed.

100% this dude has had to listen to a mountain of half baked poo poo from this family for ages. I don't blame them one bit for their I TOLD YOU SO ASSHOLES tone.

# ? Dec 15, 2019 02:09

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Runcible Cat posted:

Yeah, title. Though if she has the key boyf can get it easy enough.

And hell yeah WTF. You live in someone's house for free, eat their food and don't get off your arse to do a few loving chores for them? Even if the wife hadn't been eight months gone. I'm glad big brother was a total Pete about it. If mum wants to bitch she can take in the freeloading little poo poo.

According to the reddit thread, their parents are in an aged care community and need approval for even temporary visitors.

His lovely brother had to crash with a friend but doesn't really have anywhere to stay.

Cue the tiny violins because maybe he should have thought about that before being a sponge who let an 8 months pregnant woman shovel snow.

Knobb Manwich posted:

Murder.

Murder him then celebrate your Petra-ness.

Men who try to shame women for menstruating are just pathetic.

Megillah Gorilla fucked around with this message at 02:36 on Dec 15, 2019

# ? Dec 15, 2019 02:32

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Sounds like brother needs to get a real non seasonal job so he can like afford to live and poo poo.

# ? Dec 15, 2019 02:36

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for letting my employee pick up the check?

I run a small company. One of my friends works for me and has a senior position (as senior as you can be at a small company).

He and I go to lunch regularly. Sometimes he picks up the check, sometimes I do. We always end up talking about business for a good chuck of lunch, though we are personal friends as well.

Today I asked the server for the itemized receipt so I could expense the lunch. My friend/employee asked, �you expense these?�.

I told my girlfriend this story and she reacted very negatively. She said I should either pick up the check every time and expense, instruct my employee to expense when he picks it up, or neither of us should expense every time. She thinks it is unfair for him to pay out of pocket and me to pay with the company�s money.

As a founder of the company I think it�s perfectly reasonable of me to use my discretion about when a lunch can be expensed, and I�m not doing anything wrong by letting my friend/colleague pick up the tab.

AITA for letting him pick up the tab, and expensing it when I pick it up?

Hey maybe don't let your employee pay for half of the lunches while you expense the other half, shitbird. Whenever "at your discretion" it seems to be a business lunch, always expense it, don't just do that when it happens to also be your turn.

# ? Dec 15, 2019 02:54

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

I work for a huge company that tightly controls spending, but there is no way in hell one of my managers would allow me to pay for a business lunch. If it was a personal outing and not discussing business, it might be 50/50 on whether we buy our own on our own dime or they expense everything, but if it's a business lunch the most senior person there has to buy and put it on their corporate card. It's like the rules an poo poo.

# ? Dec 15, 2019 03:05

Problem Sleuth: Apr 12, 2011; WELCOME TO THE NEW FUTURE

I work for a tiny company and the idea that I would go out for lunch with my boss and then pay out of pocket is borderline incomprehensible

# ? Dec 15, 2019 03:11

thatguy: Feb 5, 2003

RenegadeStyle1 posted:

Why would you need to drill a hole in your gas tank to siphon gas? If it had all gone to plan what was his plan for his work van that now has a gas tank with holes in it?

depending on the baffles he might not be able to access the inside, old tanks you have to sandblast for rust removal. It sounds like he was super lazy and trying to just drain the tank of old gas without dismounting it so he drilled a hole, and then he'd use a gas tank epoxy to reseal the drill hole

# ? Dec 15, 2019 03:11

Evil Willow: Apr 26, 2007; Bored now...

AITA For refusing my girlfriend's trip she has been planning for a year because she has school debt?

quote:

About a year ago my girlfriend, of 6 years told me, she wanted to visit Korea and Japan with me. I thought this was just her talking out loud and said I would go with her. She got extremely excited and from then on would briefly bring it up saying:

"When we go to Korea we can do this... When we go to Japan we can do that." To which I would agree. But again, I thought this was her dreaming.

Well fast forward to 3 days ago, she gave me the itinerary for the trip and the days to take off next year... I was totally thrown off and said I haven't planned to spend money. She basically says "I saved $10,000 from my job, I am going to pay for it." We began to argue with me telling her that it's too much money and her replying that it is a present to herself for graduating college.

I then tell her I am not going. She is $30,000 in debt, doesn't even know how to drive, and doesn't have a car (lyfts everywhere). The money needs to go to important things first.

She then tried compromising. Saying she can save 5k for a car, and use the other 5k for the trip. I still told her no. I am not going. SHE IS $30,000 in DEBT!!!

She got extremely upset and started crying. She told me she worked full time at a crappy job and went to school so she can pay for a luxury romantic trip. That she had a lot of "self discipline" and saved $10,000; that when she gets back, she'll get an accounting job and start paying off her loans.

She seems to be depressed now. She sleeps in a spare room and barely talks to me. Her parents are also upset with me. Calling me spoiled because I come from a more wealthy family (she grew up kinda poor). They are burdening me saying if I am worried, I should help her pay for the trip.

AITA??

Tl;Dr: GF saved $10,000 to take us on a romantic trip to celebrate her graduation, but I refuse since she is $30,000 in school debt. She is now depressed and her parents are mad at me. AITA?

Edit:

Holy poo poo... this kinda blew up. So I should clear some things up, I love my girlfriend to bits and want to get married to her. I guess me being "controlling" over her finances is because I am honestly scared about how much school debt she has... Yes I was lucky enough to have my school paid for, so maybe I am out of the loop... but I am sorry, 30k in debt is terrifying to me. When she has 1/3 to pay that off, I can't wrap my head around why not do that instead of going on a trip.

But a lot of you are right. She is an accountant and she is with out a doubt one ambitious cookie, so I know she'll pay it off fast... I will talk to and try to figure this out. I feel awful!! I will update soon.

Edit 2:

Not gonna lie, I am nervous to talk to my girlfriend, but I have sent her a text saying I wanna talk. No reply. She hasn't been home all day too..

I have been reading the comments and I realized how out of touch I am. I saw mortgage analogies and I can't even relate to that because my parents bought my house... I honestly feel like poo poo because I think I have been subconsciously looking down on her. I can just imaging her extremely tired at work after going to school and keeping strong because she knew it was going towards a trip. I f*cking suck bro. Thanks you guys and I will keep you updated.

All formatting OP's

# ? Dec 15, 2019 03:44

FilthyImp: Sep 30, 2002; Anime Deviant

He probably chides her when she gets herself a Starbucks in the morning, too.

# ? Dec 15, 2019 04:22

Dazerbeams: Jul 8, 2009

10k is an insane amount to spend on a single trip.

# ? Dec 15, 2019 04:43

Tythas: Oct 3, 2013; Never felt at home in reality
Always hiding behind avatars

Aita for telling my daughter that she can't have kids while she still lives in my house

quote:

I know it sounds bad but here's the story. I (62f) live with my husband (65m) who I my kids stepfather. I had 3 kids with my first husband who passed away a few years ago, they are all relatively successful. 2 of them have moved out but one still lives with me, which I don't mind, but I think it's time that they be on their own as the others are.

Oldest kid: 30 Male. Moved out years ago, lives with his wife and the recently had their first baby.

Middle Kid: 27 Female. Married for 2 years, her and her husband live with me while they save up for a place.

Youngest: 22 Female. Lives in a college dorm in another city.

Ever since my son and Dil had their baby, my oldest daughter has been baby crazy and has been constantly talking about how she can't wait to be a mom. I love my daughter but I don't want a baby in the house. I stopped at 3 for a reason. I don't want her to live here forever, I want her and her husband to have their own lives, while my husband and I to have our own lives by ourselves. A couple nights ago at dinner I sat her down and told her my reasoning and told her that if she wants a baby that badly then her and her husband need to start looking for their own place. She didn't take it too well and called me selfish and that I only think about myself. Which right now is true, for 30 years i've put my kids first and now I want to put myself first. I hardly think I'm selfish for that. I tried to explain my reasoning and her husband said he understood but I know he was angry too. My husband is on my side and says I'm nta. For the past week my daughter and son in law have been ignoring me an only talks to me when its necessary.

I told some friends about what happened and most understand where I'm coming from but a couple said that I am TA as it wouldn't matter because its not my baby so I wouldn't have any responsibility towards it.

I don't know what to do, I don't want my daughter to hate me but I'm getting older and I would like for my kids to be independent while my husband and I can enjoy retirement together.

AITA?

# ? Dec 15, 2019 04:44

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Tythas posted:

Aita for telling my daughter that she can't have kids while she still lives in my house

So far beyond NTA that she didn�t even need to post it.

# ? Dec 15, 2019 04:48

derra: Dec 29, 2012

Ghost Leviathan posted:

It's been said pretty clearly before; never lend money to friends or family. You can give them a gift to help them out and maybe they'll give a gift of equal or greater value later on, but don't expect it as an obligation. Pretty much any other arrangement can destroy relationships sooner or later.

When my household got into medical debt I did a similar thing, borrowing money from my parent's HELOC and paid it back within a year + the interest owed on it to avoid higher finance charges. I didn't even have a written contract but did everything verbally. This doesn't even require a change of behavior from him as he's coming up with the monthly paymemt already. He'll even have a higher income potential with his certification. Also, if they've talked about marriage their finances will be combined at some point.

Any money in his name should be applied first, any increased income should go towards servicing the loan but if she trusts the guy enough to marry him and doesn't need the money now it makes sense to do so. If an actual spouse wasn't doing this for their partner this would be setting up warning signs for me.

# ? Dec 15, 2019 04:58

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

derra posted:

When my household got into medical debt I did a similar thing, borrowing money from my parent's HELOC and paid it back within a year + the interest owed on it to avoid higher finance charges. I didn't even have a written contract but did everything verbally. This doesn't even require a change of behavior from him as he's coming up with the monthly paymemt already. He'll even have a higher income potential with his certification. Also, if they've talked about marriage their finances will be combined at some point.

Any money in his name should be applied first, any increased income should go towards servicing the loan but if she trusts the guy enough to marry him and doesn't need the money now it makes sense to do so. If an actual spouse wasn't doing this for their partner this would be setting up warning signs for me.

Yeah but they ain't married, he's asking for half her savings which is almost $10k, and then he would still have $7500 of his own. It's a debt to the IRS for back taxes and I don't see where it says he's been making a payment. He should handle this himself by borrowing the other $2500 he needs and then if they get married she can help pay off what's left.

# ? Dec 15, 2019 05:06

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# ? May 31, 2024 09:30

Evil Willow: Apr 26, 2007; Bored now...

therobit posted:

Yeah but they ain't married, he's asking for half her savings which is almost $10k, and then he would still have $7500 of his own. It's a debt to the IRS for back taxes and I don't see where it says he's been making a payment. He should handle this himself by borrowing the other $2500 he needs and then if they get married she can help pay off what's left.

In the comments, only $3000 of the combined "savings" is his, and was some sort of student loan (sorry, little hazy on the details). He's not touching his money at all, he wants her to pay off the entire tax bill with her money.

# ? Dec 15, 2019 05:34

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