Speaking of Snulsmas, I was visited by Snarls this evening as he dropped off my gift! A package from the Far North!  The box was tested for structural integrity as I inspected the contents.  Explanatory letter! If any wandering  The goods! Poop and fart joke printed trivets! They’re fantastic!   (Also tested for structural integrity. I was trying to get a picture of him holding one  )Translations were provided https://imgur.com/a/EFSW1bn so feel free to peruse! Thank you so much Lead Out In Cuffs! 
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Dec 15, 2019 03:00
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fortunately they included The Oldest Joke In The World
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Dec 15, 2019 03:11
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Yaaaay! I've been excited about that gift since Lead Out in Cuffs showed me the fabric! Speaking of, Lead Out, you should totally post a link to the fabric. I bet other people would totally use some of it for future crafting. lol at your kiddo's product testing too
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Dec 15, 2019 03:12
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Hark! What is that I hear? It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's Santa Snuls bringing presents to the hungry, wrong voters of the thread! What could he have for this wrongvoter? It's some sort of strange paper based packaging. Clearly heresy. What treasures could be contained within? Gold? Rubies that explode violently?  Just to be safe I let my package inspectors do a once over to try and detect any turbo-heresy before I get smote.  They didn't find any issues. I proceeded to open the package with bated breath. Inside were several smaller packages, wrapped with care, along with a strange thin, folding tablet of some sort.  It's a letter! MetricUnit, resident of Chorazin, sends his greetings from the edge of the world, Kavodel!  As described in his letter, the largest of the packages contained...  Another, smaller box!   Holy crap! This is amazing. Lefkandi does tremendous work and this is obviously a paragon of his wares. The art is peerless, and the mug is large enough to slake the thirst of even the mightiest of men. But there's more. The "essence of Nusku" was next. Whatever a Nusku is.   I have sampled this "essence" and it is fantastic. Fruity and with a mild but notable piquancy it will make a fine addition to... uh... well everything. Next was the sacred sauce, said to make a very pleasing odor when burned atop a red heifer.  Smooth and rich, this is sure to please El when laid upon the altar. Finally a strange, thin tablet, containing a closely guarded secret. Will I discover what it means? Perhaps when I am older.  Thank you, MetricUnit! This is fantastic. The mug is a big hit and I couldn't be happier with it. I've tried the serrano sauce and I can promise I'm going to slather all manner of things with it, mostly breakfast stuff I imagine. No better way to start the day than a nice low burn. The BBQ sauce is fantastic as well, I don't have a red heifer available but I do have some BBQ chicken going right now, it has about 30 minutes left and I'm going to devour it like Enkidel recovering from a poorly planned foot race. The book is hilarious (and prompted a few looks, an explanation, and more looks from my wife) and my toddler very rapidly claimed it as her book and ran off. I recovered it and hid it, lest it vanish for good. She loves the mug, too.  
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Dec 15, 2019 03:58
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Holy poo poo I want that mug. No pun intended. Well done, MetricUnit! And what a delight to see another next-generation wrong-voter enjoying the fruits of Snulsmas lol
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Dec 15, 2019 04:05
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hollylolly posted:
Snulsmas is officially kid-tested and Gibborim-approved this year  Those are some seriously incredible gifts!
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Dec 15, 2019 04:07
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loving lol at the poo book. that’s so inspired.
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Dec 15, 2019 04:20
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Great gifts. I wish I was this creative, lol...
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Dec 15, 2019 04:21
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I need that sauce And that mug to drink it out of
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Dec 15, 2019 08:08
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Holy poo poo what's the cruciform for that? Goons have gone above and beyond anything that a strange game on a dead gay comedy forum is expected to be. חזק ואמץ!
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Dec 15, 2019 12:01
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Olothreutes posted:The BBQ sauce is fantastic as well, I don't have a red heifer available but I do have some BBQ chicken going right now, it has about 30 minutes left and I'm going to devour it like Enkidel recovering from a poorly planned foot race. Trip report on the BBQ sauce: Fantastic. It's rich and smoky, with hints of espresso and a smooth finish. I definitely recommend this sauce to anyone that likes BBQ. I'm making pizza tonight with some of the leftover chicken and additional sauce, I'll provide another trip report after the pizza disappears in a flurry of hands that will rival Amos' investigation of our mind. Thank you so much, MetricUnit, it's fantastic. I hope they offer this for sale via the internet.
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Dec 15, 2019 20:14
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Expect the next update in somewhere between 1 and 3 hours, probably. Assuming nothing comes up.
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Dec 15, 2019 23:02
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hollylolly posted:Speaking of Snulsmas, I was visited by Snarls this evening as he dropped off my gift! Yay! So glad you liked it! It was fun doing all the research. FoxTerrier posted:Yaaaay! I've been excited about that gift since Lead Out in Cuffs showed me the fabric! I think this link should work: https://www.spoonflower.com/designs/9447821-sumerian-toilet-humour-by-leadout Happy to send anyone the design in png or svg. Also, here's the text of my translation notes, plus the cuneiform of all the proverbs, in case anyone wants to copy/paste it into other art. (The actual cuneiform doesn't seem to be available anywhere on the web). quote:Proverb 1:
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Dec 16, 2019 00:16
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Lead out in cuffs posted:An ox with diarrhea: it’s poop leaves a long trail. drat, missed out on a golden opportunity to drop this when Gebek was screaming at Acco to hand us over
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Dec 16, 2019 00:33
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Diogines posted:You tell Jeter that the proof is hiding in his very palace and you will bring it bare before your eyes right now! This is met almost in unison with a "What?" from Diamekan, son of Kurakh, Uriah the Hammer, several of the Mighty Men of the Grand City of Larsa and those standing beside King Jeter, though Jeter himself is silent. Whatever it is that the Anaki expected to happen to him today as he had his morning breakfast, possibly sitting on top of a pile of gold and silver like an El-drat dragon, the events which are currently unfolding are probably not something he would have seriously considered as a real possibility? Yet life often does not conform to one's expectations, especially when Enkidel, son of Tudiya, King of Zepath is involved. From the perspective of the Anaki, there is the sound of an explosion, followed only moments later, barely quick enough to react, with a second explosion as the door to the garden in which he is currently bleeding some poor woman into a brazier explodes off its hinges as Diamekan, son of Kurakh, Jeter, King of Larsa, the Mighty Men of Larsa, a tall foreigner and a freaking dark skinned GIANT charge into the garden!  Despite not being a blooded superman, the Anaki makes what he will swiftly decide was almost certainly the correct move given the circumstances, though a move made too late for it is mere moments after the second door explodes that dark skin giant shouts out "TAKE HIM ALIVE!" It is only a few moments more before Uriah and Jeter surge ahead, lifting the Anaki off his feet and slamming him hard into the ground, though considerably softer than what either man is probably capable of doing, in that none of the Anaki's bones are broken and Uriah or Jeter are likely both able to turn the man into chunky salsa with a move like that if they wished to. And in the process of doing so, they knocked aside the knife which the Anaki had almost, almost stabbed into his own heart. Almost, but not swiftly enough. It must take significant devotion, a keen intellect or very probably both to realize the necessity of committing suicide in the span of seconds, but they were still seconds too late for the Anaki fails to end his own life. Uriah forces a gauntleted hand into the Anaki's mouth to try prevent any sorcerous acts and to stop him from trying to bite his own tongue off. It is a short span of time before the Anaki is pressed into the ground, blindfolded and gagged, with has six spears pressing softly into many parts of his body(including one on the neck and two on the back of his head) ready to kill him at the slightest sign of trouble. The men of Larsa... probably do not have any experience with demon sorcerers. Well besides the ones who may they may have dealt with at Karnak? But your own people prefer a doctrine of overwhelming and immediate force in the face of foes with mystical powers and did so BEFORE the... excitement of recent years as well, the men of Larsa seem to have a similar philosophy? As all of this happens you ripped a brick from the wall and threw it into the brazier, toppling it and sending burning coals across the garden, the large flame is extinguished as the coals flew through the air. You make your way to the side of the woman and try to stop the bleeding on her hand as activity continues all around you. Jeter looks away from his captive for a moment and looks to Diamekan and says "Get the city gates closed. Now. Send two of your brothers outside the walls to look for any obvious servants of the High King leaving the city, if any are, tell them they were summoned by the High King's auditor. Send two to their garrison to keep an eye on it. And keep this quiet." You look to one of the Mighty Men of Larsa and toss him the Anaki's knife and tell him "Get this someplace far away from that fiend, they use it in their rituals." The man looks to Diamekan who nods and says "Do it." You turn back to binding the woman's hand as best you can given the circumstances, the woman is crying, overwhelmed with emotion at the display she has just witnessed. King Jeter looks to you and says "Is it safe to try to keep him as a prisoner? What can he do?"  You tell him you are not certain what this one can do, but you've dealt with them before. They do not seem to have abilities as Blooded men and can summon fire-demons and possibly change their shape though that seemed to take preparation. They might be able to communicate across long distances, but you think they needed a sacrifice and their mystical tools to do it. You tell Jeter that you have killed two before and they seemed far less stout than Blooded men, as long as he is careful the Anaki can be kept as a prisoner and that he must be questioned. According to Jeter, his captive is named "Shemen" and he is the "Auditor" sent by the High King. You have the distinct impression that Jeter never liked the man as he explains that Shemen came shortly after the Jubilee and Jeter was told that Shemen spoke with the full authority of the High King, it is Shemen who demanded the ludicrous taxes which have so greatly oppressed the people of Larsa, "though I think his true purpose was also to spy upon the city for the High King as well. Isaachar was a good, strong and wise man, wise enough to not need to send petty servants to spy upon his subjects. Such a thing has never been done before." According to Jeter, every city in realm has an Auditor like Shemen. You ask how many other people from Karnak are in Larsa? Jeter tells you that "There are just shy of two hundred soldiers in the garrison near the market and a several other clerks from the High King's court." Are any of them shaven like this one? "No, just this creature." Jeter then tells you "I will question this creature then. Then I will ask your counsel on what is to be done. You have done our people a great service this day, Demon Hunters and it is not one which will be swiftly forgotten." 1. There are several pressing matters you may wish to see to, but you can only be in one place at a time. You have yet to even get a briefing from Diamekan on what happened at Karnak, a well educated man and member of the Blooded elite who fought in the battle and survived, Diamekan can likely give you the best account of what truly happened at Karnak of anyone you have met so far. There may be time to do several things, but you can only be in one place a time, what do you want to do FIRST? A. There is a garrison of the High King's soldiers in the market. Not enough to overpower the locals, not even close, but enough muscle to give pause to any common folk who might interfere with the officials. Two of Larsa's Mighty Men are on their way now to keep an eye on the place. Join them to keep watch for any odd activity or anyone trying to run for it. With your keen senses you can very probably spy on conversations from the street, or a nearby rooftop, no one else could know for sure if those within are acting out of the ordinary, no one but you. B. Any moment the Mighty Men of Larsa are probably going to tear the Anaki's private chambers apart. You may well get a chance to look through what is left, after they do it, if anything is left that is. Men in Ur seem to have a... smash first, second, third, fourth, fifth, pause to stretch, then smash sixth and seventh attitude THEN ask questions when it comes to profane matters. What mystically useful or interesting items might be among the Anaki's possessions? Perhaps items you might wish to claim for yourself? Possibly without raising any eyebrows? Of course you may well be able to do what you like with them later, but if there is anything which overtly looks... questionable and you want to take it without raising any eyebrows, this is your chance. C. Two Karnakan soldiers are outside. Question them. D. Is the High Priest of El a part of the conspiracy? Go to El's temple. What exactly you plan to do will be something to decide when you get there. E. Jeter, still a stony demeanor but perhaps now showing a bit more emotion than he has so far says to Shemen "I do not believe that my fathers have ever had cause to have a torturer in their employ and I can scarcely say there has been much need of one before today. And while I cannot say we have been blessed with skill in the arts of sharp knives and flaying skin, by El's grace we have been blessed with great skill in the healing arts. I dare say excellence in the later shall aid us greatly in honing the former. I have questions which you shall answer. One way or the other. The only thing in your control is how much suffering you shall endure and how long it shall take before I have what I seek." Shemen tries to yell something through his gag but it is muffled. Join Jeter for the questioning of Shemen. F. (Add on)Try to convince Jeter to delay questioning the Anaki until some other matter is addressed first, if you feel it more urgent. G. (Add on) Try to convince Jeter to delay questioning the Anaki, briefly until you have a chance to speak with him or Diamekan to swap notes, for them to get more information from you about the cultists and you to get more information from them on what has really been going on in this part of Ur in recent years. H. Something else. Fill in. You can speak to anyone present (besides Shemen) but a full "Q&A" has not opened yet. Consider it a chance for short, brief questions as men rush to do many things. Anything even remotely like "So how have things been here?" or "What happened at Karnak" is beyond the scope of what you have time for. Unless people express a desire to the contrary, whatever you do, Uriah will stay with the Anaki to personally ensure he does not escape. You do not know what tricks Shemen may still have, if any, but Uriah is a fierce combatant and almost surely has more experience than anyone this side of the Great Cities what to do when it comes to dealing with unexpected mystical powers. Well, this side of all but one of the Great Cities anyway? As one of the top three most Blooded men in Larsa at the moment, to the extent it matters, Uriah may also be more resistant to mental manipulation, of the Anaki can even do that? [...] We are not abandoning our channel in IRC, it is not shutting down but given the fact that most people have decided to move to an inferior chat client, Discord, we will start linking it as well. Discord Link: https://discord.gg/SPZ7Hyn [...] Travic's Awesome Index: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3550307&pagenumber=4080&perpage=40#post473373440 If you want to, feel free to join us on irc #madgod on synirc.net. The channel tends to always have some people in it and is especially active when updates go up. If you do not know what IRC is, here is a web based chat version which will not require you to register or download anything: http://chat.mibbit.com/ Diogines fucked around with this message at 15:09 on Dec 16, 2019 |
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Dec 16, 2019 00:45
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BG We need to VERY carefully go over his room ASAP and make sure all his records stay intact for analysis as well as whatever else turns up. Don't want a Mighty Man accidentally smashing those spreadsheet tablets or anything. But we can spare a second to make sure Jeter is thoroughly briefed before going into interrogation, that's important too. I'm mostly interested in us telling him every detail we know about Nusku cultists, our questions about what happened can wait till later. Crazycryodude fucked around with this message at 00:59 on Dec 16, 2019 |
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Dec 16, 2019 00:55
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 That went well!Questioning the two guards and the Anaki doesn't feel all that urgent, except insofar as we'd like to be present for the interrogation. The two more urgent options are A and B - monitoring the garrison and investigating the room before it's wrecked. Hm. If they don't have any other baldies, their ability to do wacky poo poo at the garrison before we / the Larsan MM get wise to it is probably pretty low. BF I guess, AF's an easier sell to Jeter but at the very least we can check for bombs and other nonsense and gather flammable or quasi-flammable profanities to sacrifice at the Temple. Crazycryodude posted:BG good point, change me to BFG from BF  oh also we might / definitely will find some stuff worth asking about
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Dec 16, 2019 00:57
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1. E I think it's pretty important to hear what this guy says, if he even gives away anything. Also to be able to counteract anything he tries to say about us. I'm definitely wondering about the new high priest in this city, but I have no idea how we go about accusing a high priest of El, or if we even want to do that. We also should probably have a plan for what to do if someone comes from the last city and tells them we were sneaking around there, though I guess we can just say we were suspicious of everyone there, and our experiences there led us to be more trusting at this city.
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Dec 16, 2019 00:57
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BG I think we should also give Jeter a heads up about the high priest Bob Tuskins fucked around with this message at 00:59 on Dec 16, 2019 |
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Dec 16, 2019 00:57
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BF Finding his items or notes may provide us with the right question to ask the Anaki.
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Dec 16, 2019 00:57
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Also BG, if brain scan is not in play it will help aid the interrogation.
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Dec 16, 2019 00:58
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Azurius posted:1. E i think my plan for the temple is to show up for a big sacrifice / joint sacrifice with Jeter of any and all/most Anaki-bling that is too profane to recycle back into the city's economy
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Dec 16, 2019 00:59
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B
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Dec 16, 2019 01:04
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E
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Dec 16, 2019 01:10
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Bob Tuskins posted:BG BG, 'We mean no offence, but have reason to believe it's possible the priesthood may have also been compromised in some fashion. It may be worth requesting the presence of the high priest.
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Dec 16, 2019 01:12
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D
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Dec 16, 2019 01:12
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B. That being said, if the previous city was any indication, this guy's only half the problem. Nusku has infiltrated both the government and the church; even if the 'high priests' answer to the Anaki, it's still super important that we deal with them right away. Jeter should be informed.
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Dec 16, 2019 01:24
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E
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Dec 16, 2019 01:24
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E
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Dec 16, 2019 01:26
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B - Let's find another turbo-heresy book if it exists. Maybe we can get another visit from Jael
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Dec 16, 2019 01:31
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Dec 16, 2019 01:34
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BG
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Dec 16, 2019 01:37
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 BC and mention the priests to the king. Nettle Soup fucked around with this message at 01:40 on Dec 16, 2019 |
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Dec 16, 2019 01:38
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I hope a round of high fives broke out after the slave was healed. This was a HUGE success. We deserve a bro moment with Jeter, Diamekan and Uriah. Jeter is gonna a be able to give us so much more. And he himself said he owes us a favor, we could ask for an agricultural advisor or something. One city is in for the rebellion, lets keep this train going.
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Dec 16, 2019 01:43
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BG
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Dec 16, 2019 01:47
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AG, gotta make sure none of the other Karnakians have a suicide protocol or something. More than likely they're in the dark but it doesn't hurt to keep an ear out. Make sure to remind Jeter that the same High King that sent this chucklefuck also sent the replacement High Priest, who apparently had no problem charging excess tithes to the faithful...
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Dec 16, 2019 01:48
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We need to bring up the priesthood thing
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Dec 16, 2019 01:49
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remind Uriah et al to search the bastard before de-gagging him, we don't actually know the knife-ruby was the bomb / the only bomb
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Dec 16, 2019 02:00
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Diogines posted:One matter is at the forefront of your mind. When the last Anaki died, he did something to the ruby he wore around his neck: So the previous suicide bomb rubies have been necklaces. We should look for one of those.
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Dec 16, 2019 02:07
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BG First establish if the high priest here has been replaced, Then bring up the priesthood thing
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Dec 16, 2019 02:24
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