Law Megathread: the stunner off the top rope that everyone but the defense saw coming

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Law Megathread: the stunner off the top rope that everyone but the defense saw coming

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Kawasaki Nun: Jul 16, 2001; by Reene

Muh gun rights... :smith:

# ? Dec 17, 2019 06:55

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# ? Jun 5, 2024 19:17

Nice piece of fish: Jan 29, 2008; Ultra Carp

ActusRhesus posted:

Talk radio IS pretty awful.

Seriously though. At the risk of sounding old, the internet has made us collectively dumber. Show of hands how many people have gotten a brief

Nah, we were always this dumb. The internet just made it obvious.

Also, briefs and other copycatting poo poo is a thing because copy pasting saves time and cuts costs, and number go up is > quality in this capitalist hellscape.

# ? Dec 17, 2019 07:38

Nice piece of fish: Jan 29, 2008; Ultra Carp

Discendo Vox posted:

I could give y'all long effortposts

# ? Dec 17, 2019 07:39

ActusRhesus: Sep 18, 2007; "Perhaps the fact the defendant had to be dragged out of the courtroom while declaring 'Death to you all, a Jihad on the court' may have had something to do with the revocation of his bond. That or calling the judge a bald-headed cock-sucker. Either way."

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2019/11/21/south-africa-lawyer-addelaid-ferreira-watt-killed-gun-court/4257350002/

Holy crap. I don't know about you guys, but our evidence guns are always unloaded and inoperable, and the jury is allowed to view the gun, or the bullets, during deliberations, but not both at the same time.

# ? Dec 17, 2019 15:09

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

Discendo Vox posted:

When you evaluate the accuracy of public perceptions, you measure them against reality, not other perceptions. Learning a bit about empirical methods will inoculate you against this sort of reality equivocation. Popper is good for you.

perception is reality oooOOOOOOoooOOOoooooo

# ? Dec 17, 2019 15:17

evilweasel: Aug 24, 2002

lol the hearing of Captain Hook, Eat A Dick Esq. had even more excitement than anticipated, this order is going to be amazing

quote:

Law360, Los Angeles (December 16, 2019, 10:51 PM EST) -- A California federal judge laid into a Culver City attorney in court Monday and said the lawyer should be kicked out of the profession for sending opposing counsel profanity-laced, threatening emails demanding Allstate settle an insurance coverage suit.

The packed hearing in downtown Los Angeles started at 1:30 p.m. with no sign of the attorney in question, Christopher G. Hook of the Law Offices of Christopher G. Hook, so U.S. District Judge Otis D. Wright II instead turned to Hook�s clients, Alan Baker and his wife Linda B. Oliver.

Baker and Oliver indicated they didn�t know their attorney had been threatening Allstate Insurance Co.�s counsel and their families until after Allstate filed a motion for sanctions. When they found out, they fired Hook and hired Matthew B. O'Hanlon of Barnes & Thornburg LLP.

Because the couple knew nothing about their former attorney�s behavior, Judge Wright took his threat of dismissing the case without prejudice off the table and turned to the issue of sanctioning Hook for his conduct.

That�s when Hook stood up from the front row in the audience and announced his presence.

�Were you hiding?� Wright asked angrily. �Were you waiting to make a fashionable entrance?�

...

Slamming his hands on the bench at Monday�s hearing, Judge Wright said he had never seen such behavior before and advised members of the audience to leave if they were �easily offended� by profane language.

Hook did not deny sending the emails and said it was an aggressive negotiating strategy to get Allstate to come to the settlement table, but it turned into anger when Allstate's counsel wouldn't return his phone calls.

�Obviously I failed to conduct myself in a professional manner,� Hook said. �It was a mistake.�

�You threatened people,� Judge Wright responded. �You called them every name under the sun.�

Judge Wright, a retired Marine Corps serviceman and police officer, said he was angry that Hook had not only threatened Allstate�s counsel, but also threatened their wives and families, and said if Hook had threatened his family he would have come after the attorney.

While Hook said he believes his profane emails are protected under the First Amendment, Judge Wright cut him off and said he had sworn in 100 new lawyers this month who were �so happy and so proud to be lawyers.�

�You just trashed their profession. You�re going to pay for this. You�re going to pay for this in a number of ways," the judge said. "You�re going to write a check. That�s just the first thing. You�ve been acting like a gangster. Tell you what, slick, this profession doesn�t need you.�

Judge Wright abruptly ended the hearing after telling Hook he would do what he could to remove him from the legal profession.

quote:

An angry federal judge demanded that a Los Angeles lawyer resign from the legal profession after his profanity-laced emails got national attention.

�You just trashed your profession,� U.S. District Judge Otis Wright II of the Central District of California told Christopher Hook at a hearing Monday. At issue were about 100 emails filled with profane and discriminatory remarks that Hook wrote to opposing counsel, telling them, among other things, to �eat a bowl of dicks� and �pay up fuckface.�

Wright, a former deputy sheriff in Los Angeles County and a U.S. Marine Corps veteran, told Hook he had acted �like a gangster.�

�Tell you what, slick, this profession does not need you,� the judge said. �I am going to do what I can to remove you from this profession.�

He then asked Hook to resign.

�I will not do that,� Hook responded, prompting Wright to interject.

�Shut up,� the judge said. �I want you to resign from this profession.�

...

Over the weekend, following national media coverage of the dispute, Hook appeared on �Reasonable Doubt,� a podcast hosted by Los Angeles criminal defense attorney Mark Geragos and comedian Adam Carolla.

Monday�s hearing, which lasted less than 30 minutes, had a theatrical flair from the start, when Wright asked about Hook�s whereabouts.

�That�s a good question, your honor,� said Matthew O�Hanlon, a partner in the Los Angeles office of Barnes & Thornburg, which sought to replace Hook in the case. �The fact that he is not here is unexplained and troubling.�

Wright said he was not troubled.

�Everybody knows why we�re here,� he told a crowded courtroom, referencing the national media attention surrounding Hook�s actions. He paused. �Of all the stupid things I anticipated today, this is not one of them.�

After O�Hanlon assured the judge that his clients knew nothing about Hook�s filings, Wright agreed not to dismiss the case and lifted a stay on depositions in the case. He also said he would issue another order for Hook to show cause and appeared receptive to a request from Sheppard Mullin�s lawyers to get a restraining order against him. The judge added, �I�ve never seen anything like this.�

That�s when Hook stood up from among the courtroom of onlookers. Wright fingered for him to approach the bench.

�When did you get here?� he asked.

�I apologize, your honor,� Hook replied, stating he had arrived prior to the hearing�s start.

Wright then pounded his fist and demanded to know when, as Hook said in his court papers, he had apologized to the court in writing. The judge wanted to know if the emails were part of his litigation strategy or the product of �frustration and anger.� Hook replied they were both. Hook refused to back down from his claim that his opposing counsel could not authenticate the emails, prompting Wright to anger.

�This is not the day to be cute,� he said, �and I am not the guy.�

The judge also asked if Hook continued to insist that Sheppard Mullin�s lawyers, by refusing to respond to his settlement demands, were responsible for the language in his emails.

�Not at all, your honor,� Hook responded. �This is my fault entirely.�

But Hook still maintained that his emails were protected under the litigation privilege and the First Amendment.

�You honestly believe the First Amendment extends to anything?� Wright replied. �You did go to law school, right?�

The judge called Hook�s decision to put such language into an email a �rookie mistake.� And, the judge said, Hook threatened people. �If that would�ve happened to me, I�d come looking for you.�

At the end of the hearing, the judge told Sheppard Mullin�s lawyers to submit the fees and costs they want from Hook. Hook said he would agree to pay them.

�You�re going to pay for this,� the judge told Hook. �You�re going to write a check. That�s just the first thing. This is not going to be over.�

Calling Hook a �piece of work,� the judge ended the hearing by stating, �we�re out of here,� and motioned for Hook to leave the courtroom, which the lawyer did immediately.

�Sorry, I apologize, your honor,� Hook said while leaving.

# ? Dec 17, 2019 15:45

evilweasel: Aug 24, 2002

the idea of this attorney sitting quietly in the audience terrified to come forward for about seven minutes while the judge discusses what a fucknut he is reeeeeeeeeally makes me wish i'd gotten to go see this in person

# ? Dec 17, 2019 15:49

joat mon: Oct 15, 2009; I am the master of my lamp;
I am the captain of my tub.

ActusRhesus posted:

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2019/11/21/south-africa-lawyer-addelaid-ferreira-watt-killed-gun-court/4257350002/

Holy crap. I don't know about you guys, but our evidence guns are always unloaded and inoperable, and the jury is allowed to view the gun, or the bullets, during deliberations, but not both at the same time.

The police had returned the gun to the alleged victims until the trial was about to start and then asked for it back. :stonk:

Chain of custody: It will save your life.

Also: last month's news, Boomer.

# ? Dec 17, 2019 15:52

SlothBear: Jan 25, 2009

Why go to CSPAM when CSPAM comes to us.

# ? Dec 17, 2019 15:53

ActusRhesus: Sep 18, 2007; "Perhaps the fact the defendant had to be dragged out of the courtroom while declaring 'Death to you all, a Jihad on the court' may have had something to do with the revocation of his bond. That or calling the judge a bald-headed cock-sucker. Either way."

joat mon posted:

Also: last month's news, Boomer.

Aren't you older than I am?

evilweasel posted:

the idea of this attorney sitting quietly in the audience terrified to come forward for about seven minutes while the judge discusses what a fucknut he is reeeeeeeeeally makes me wish i'd gotten to go see this in person

Seriously. Best I ever got to see was a judge tear into a guy, then turn to his client and say kindly "I promise you that anything I've said today will not impact how I handle this case. It's not your fault that your attorney is completely unethical and I will not make you suffer for his failures."

# ? Dec 17, 2019 16:10

SlothBear: Jan 25, 2009

evilweasel posted:

the idea of this attorney sitting quietly in the audience terrified to come forward for about seven minutes while the judge discusses what a fucknut he is reeeeeeeeeally makes me wish i'd gotten to go see this in person

Makes me wonder why he didn't just slink out the back.

Also I usually roll my eyes at judges using grandiose language and theatrics but in this case it seems pretty warranted. I'd like to see everyone who behaves that way kicked out of the profession.

# ? Dec 17, 2019 16:12

Sab0921: Aug 2, 2004; This for my justices slingin' thangs, rib breakin' kings / Truck, necklace, robe, gavel and things / For the solicitors seein' them dissents spin and grin / That robe with the lace trim that win.

SlothBear posted:

Why go to CSPAM when CSPAM comes to us.

CPSAM is the friends we have made along the way

# ? Dec 17, 2019 16:17

Phil Moscowitz: Feb 19, 2007; If blood be the price of admiralty,
Lord God, we ha' paid in full!

Lmao a federal judge told the guy �resign, bitch�

# ? Dec 17, 2019 16:26

evilweasel: Aug 24, 2002

SlothBear posted:

Makes me wonder why he didn't just slink out the back.

Also I usually roll my eyes at judges using grandiose language and theatrics but in this case it seems pretty warranted. I'd like to see everyone who behaves that way kicked out of the profession.

probably the judge discussing how he was going to issue a new show cause order to hook telling him show up (or, presumably, get arrested) made him realize he'd probably better admit he was there

# ? Dec 17, 2019 16:28

Nice piece of fish: Jan 29, 2008; Ultra Carp

In my professional opinion, that guy is fuuuuuuuuuucked.

# ? Dec 17, 2019 17:03

Hoshi: Jan 20, 2013

Phil Moscowitz posted:

Lmao a federal judge told the guy “resign, bitch”

"Resign!"
"No I will no-"
"Shut up! Resign!"

# ? Dec 17, 2019 17:28

Soothing Vapors: Mar 26, 2006; Associate Justice Lena "Kegels" Dunham: An uncool thought to have: 'is that guy walking in the dark behind me a rapist? Never mind, he's Asian.

blarzgh posted:

Okay here's what you do. Tell her in person how much you appreciate all the hard work and everything you did okay? Make sure to take a look at her desk and see how her things are decorated takes a notes about the things that you think she's interested in. Then I want you to go home, put on your best slacks, get some mood lighting, adjust the room ambiance maybe like some candles, and take a real classy picture of your rear end. Just your rear end, really show off the goods. Get a good angle, make sure there's a little hump to it. A great great great picture of your rear end. Now, here's where it gets interesting

# ? Dec 17, 2019 17:37

SlyFrog: May 16, 2007; What? One name? Who are you, Seal?

ulmont posted:

This forum attracts the mentally ill. Not anyone in this thread, of course - but it's like the saying about the sucker at the poker table.

Please don't conflate "the mentally ill" with "the stupids."

Signed - "the mentally ill."

# ? Dec 17, 2019 17:41

joat mon: Oct 15, 2009; I am the master of my lamp;
I am the captain of my tub.

evilweasel posted:

probably the judge discussing how he was going to issue a new show cause order to hook telling him show up (or, presumably, get arrested) made him realize he'd probably better admit he was there

I can imagine him fantasizing that the substitution of counsel made everything aaallll better and it would just go away, but was just barely smart enough to realize he needed to be there just in case.

ActusRhesus posted:

Aren't you older than I am?

Yes, but by the transitive property of avatars you are a Boomer.

# ? Dec 17, 2019 17:53

Toona the Cat: Jun 9, 2004; The Greatest

You couldn�t write the Hook guy into a tv show without getting laughed out of the room. Jesus.

# ? Dec 17, 2019 17:56

ulmont: Sep 15, 2010; IF I EVER MISS VOTING IN AN ELECTION (EVEN AMERICAN IDOL) ,OR HAVE UNPAID PARKING TICKETS, PLEASE TAKE AWAY MY FRANCHISE

SlyFrog posted:

Please don't conflate "the mentally ill" with "the stupids."

The first post from that former poster in the thread that got them permabanned was reporting on discussing Climate Anxiety with their therapist; I think it's safe to say they are actually mentally ill.

# ? Dec 17, 2019 17:57

Soothing Vapors: Mar 26, 2006; Associate Justice Lena "Kegels" Dunham: An uncool thought to have: 'is that guy walking in the dark behind me a rapist? Never mind, he's Asian.

evilweasel posted:

lol the hearing of Captain Hook, Eat A Dick Esq. had even more excitement than anticipated, this order is going to be amazing

goddamn every scrap of this owns

# ? Dec 17, 2019 18:09

Vox Nihili: May 28, 2008

Hook is living in a perpetual nightmare world of his own creating.

Someone buy him an account.

# ? Dec 17, 2019 18:42

Eminent Domain: Sep 23, 2007

I cannot wait for the order. The Allstate attorneys need to frame that poo poo (along with Hook's emails)

The idea of him sitting in the audience trying to see if he can just avoid appearing is amazing.

# ? Dec 17, 2019 19:12

Kawasaki Nun: Jul 16, 2001; by Reene

he was waiting for an opportunity to do a tony wonder style entrance but blew it by timing it wrong

# ? Dec 17, 2019 19:22

Alaemon: Jan 4, 2009; Proctors are guardians of the sanctity and integrity of legal education, therefore they are responsible for the nourishment of the soul.

Did I miss the obligatory "You're a crook, Captain Hook" reference from Arrested Development? I mean, I haven't checked the thread in a couple of days, but I don't remember seeing it before on this particular idiot.

# ? Dec 18, 2019 01:58

SuperKlaus: Oct 20, 2005; Fun Shoe

After some crisis of confidence and fumbling about posting for the first time here I promised not to come back 'til I was sorted. Now...

I'm employed

Vaguely relevant attorney incompetence story: dealt with a DA the other day who stubbornly insisted in his brief that the judge had pointedly and specifically declared that the defendant had clearly committed the charged offense, and therefore refiling that charge was proper. Gave citations to the judge's words in the transcript and all. Trouble was...those cited words were the DA's statements in argument. :shuckyes:

# ? Dec 18, 2019 03:00

Vox Nihili: May 28, 2008

SuperKlaus posted:

After some crisis of confidence and fumbling about posting for the first time here I promised not to come back 'til I was sorted. Now...

I'm employed

Vaguely relevant attorney incompetence story: dealt with a DA the other day who stubbornly insisted in his brief that the judge had pointedly and specifically declared that the defendant had clearly committed the charged offense, and therefore refiling that charge was proper. Gave citations to the judge's words in the transcript and all. Trouble was...those cited words were the DA's statements in argument.

Goongrats!

# ? Dec 18, 2019 07:41

Nice piece of fish: Jan 29, 2008; Ultra Carp

SuperKlaus posted:

After some crisis of confidence and fumbling about posting for the first time here I promised not to come back 'til I was sorted. Now...

I'm employed

Vaguely relevant attorney incompetence story: dealt with a DA the other day who stubbornly insisted in his brief that the judge had pointedly and specifically declared that the defendant had clearly committed the charged offense, and therefore refiling that charge was proper. Gave citations to the judge's words in the transcript and all. Trouble was...those cited words were the DA's statements in argument.

But now you'll have to work for a living instead of collecting that sweet sweet unemployment benefits???

# ? Dec 18, 2019 07:47

SuperKlaus: Oct 20, 2005; Fun Shoe

Nice piece of fish posted:

But now you'll have to work for a living instead of collecting that sweet sweet unemployment benefits???

poo poo

# ? Dec 18, 2019 18:16

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

Nice piece of fish posted:

But now you'll have to work for a living instead of collecting that sweet sweet unemployment benefits???

I just read on the internet - I know - that Norwegians invoke "Texas" to describe something as "crazy" or "wild" is this true?

# ? Dec 19, 2019 06:03

Nice piece of fish: Jan 29, 2008; Ultra Carp

blarzgh posted:

I just read on the internet - I know - that Norwegians invoke "Texas" to describe something as "crazy" or "wild" is this true?

I feel like I've answered this before. Have I answered this before? I've certainly been asked this before.

Yes. The most common usage is "completely Texas" usually describing a chaotic mass of people, like an out of control party or a rush on a black friday sale.

Then there's "probably Arkansas" and "almost Vancouver" (that's in the US, right?).

# ? Dec 19, 2019 08:36

Meatbag Esq.: May 3, 2006; Hmm which internet meme should go here again?

Vancouver usually refers to a city in Canada.

# ? Dec 19, 2019 09:15

Nice piece of fish: Jan 29, 2008; Ultra Carp

Meatbag Esq. posted:

Vancouver usually refers to a city in Canada.

Well that's almost Vancouver then.

# ? Dec 19, 2019 09:50

Yuns: Aug 19, 2000; There is an idea of a Yuns, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me, only an entity, something illusory, and though I can hide my cold gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable: I simply am not there.

Nice piece of fish posted:

I feel like I've answered this before. Have I answered this before? I've certainly been asked this before.

Yes. The most common usage is "completely Texas" usually describing a chaotic mass of people, like an out of control party or a rush on a black friday sale.

Then there's "probably Arkansas" and "almost Vancouver" (that's in the US, right?).

The closest might be "Florida man".

# ? Dec 19, 2019 12:37

Teddybear: May 16, 2009; Look! A teddybear doll!
It's soooo cute!

Teddybear posted:

Breaking news on "Eat a Bag of Dicks, Esq.":

https://www.courtlistener.com/docket/16206729/alan-baker-v-allstate-insurance-company/

Hook filed a notice of association of counsel on the 10th, adding a new attorney, O'Hanlon. On the 11th, O'Hanlon filed requests to substitute counsel, as well as the plaintiff's response to the order to show cause-- according to the plaintiffs through their new counsel, Hook filed the response to the ex parte application without their knowledge or approval. They state that they were out of the country on a work trip and fired Hook when they heard what he'd done.

On the 12th, they filed an objection to Hooks' notice of association of counsel, stating that it was filed by Hook without their knowledge after they fired him, and that O'Hanlon and his firm has not agreed to associate in as counsel with Hook.

Today was the show cause hearing, and the minutes of the hearing are up:

Update: Hook filed a transcript order for his appeal. :getin:

# ? Dec 19, 2019 13:09

terrorist ambulance: Nov 5, 2009

Nice piece of fish posted:

"Civil war like mood in the US" - an actual headline in foreign media.

Gotta say, the kind of poo poo the repubs are pulling with this impeachment and what they are saying... They are painting a picture of traitorous, treasonous Democrats attempting a coup on the goverment. Is this just incredibly irresponsible incitement to do violence (on part of the repubs or the media) or are they actually, for goddamned serious pushing for a violent fascist takeover of power?

I mean the things they are saying are sounding very Italy/Germany 1930. Like for actual real, not even hyperbole. There was an active left and a functioning democracy until one day, the fash went violent and seized control. I've read about the danger of the US falling fascist. Are you close?

Replying here because d&d is garbage

Fascism arises out of the collapse of legitimacy and power of liberal institutions so yes the US is getting closer.

Read the first page or two of Trumps otherwise pretty loltastic letter to Pelosi. It's basically a call for violence and an attack on the legitimacy of constitutional process.

Probably not a good sign their supreme court has given up all pretext and is just an unaccountable partisan legislature now as well

# ? Dec 19, 2019 14:21

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

Nice piece of fish posted:

I feel like I've answered this before. Have I answered this before? I've certainly been asked this before.

Yes. The most common usage is "completely Texas" usually describing a chaotic mass of people, like an out of control party or a rush on a black friday sale.

I feel honored

# ? Dec 19, 2019 15:58

Toona the Cat: Jun 9, 2004; The Greatest

I have an interview tomorrow to move to my bank�s legal department and actually do lawyer stuff. Rad. :cool:

# ? Dec 19, 2019 17:18

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# ? Jun 5, 2024 19:17

Arcturas: Mar 30, 2011

Toona the Cat posted:

I have an interview tomorrow to move to my bank�s legal department and actually do lawyer stuff. Rad.

Pretty soon you'll be working for a payday lender banging debtors who want you to waive their fees.

(Also, congrats.)

# ? Dec 19, 2019 17:23

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Law Megathread: the stunner off the top rope that everyone but the defense saw coming

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