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Pinecone Sample
Oct 12, 2010

THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420
AITA for sticking my used cold sore patch on a rude employee?


quote:

So I'm pretty sure I'm TA but I'm hoping I'm not a horrible person.

I've always had cold sores, ever since I was a child. I am now a 34 year old mother with 2 children and the 3rd one is due in early February. So I'm very pregnant. I have always abstained from kissing my children because cold sores come up so quickly and I want to do my best to not pass them on to my kids. I do obviously cuddle my babies and show them affection in other ways.

So just before Christmas I got a cold sore yay! When I get them I wear patches as it helps with the pain but you can still see that I have a cold sore. Today, I quickly popped down the street to grab some things from the store. I had both of my kids with me. In the kids section I went up to an employee to ask her a question. She probably was in her 40s. As I talked to her she must have noticed my cold sore because she asked me of I knew that it can be dangerous for kids. I said yes I know thinking that would be the end of it. But she kept going. She said I shouldn't be near my kids when I have one because just that would be enough to infect them. I told her that was not true and I just wanted to end the conversation because I'm a good mother and I wouldn't endanger my kids. She then said I shouldn't have got pregnant in the first place if I knew I get cold sores and how dare I subjecting my poor kids to a life with a mother with cold sores. I was really confused because cold sores are annoying yes but not s death sentence. The I told the employee she was rude and needed to stop otherwise I'd talk to the manager. That must have got through to her because she stopped. But as I turned away she said: poor little baby has no idea it will be born to a selfish mother. I don't know why but this comment was too much. I turned around took off the patch for my lip and stuck it onto her cheek. We were both shocked and then I left. I do feel bad but it all happened within a second where I just lost control. I don't think it will cause any harm because my cold sore is already 6 days old and all crusty so the infectious liquid is long gone but still.

How horrible was I?

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FoolyCharged
Oct 11, 2012

Cheating at a raffle? I sentence you to 1 year in jail! No! Two years! Three! Four! Five years! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Somebody call for an ant?

Doesn't like half the world get cold sores?

Brother Tadger
Feb 15, 2012

I'm accidentally a suicide bomber!

Regardless of its justification, bio warfare is a war crime

QuarkJets
Sep 8, 2008

1redflag posted:

So can you delineate exactly what this guy was supposed to do in this situation? How long was he supposed to remain a part of this kid’s life, especially when the relationship w/ the child’s mother is gone? Like, I’m imagining him as a step dad and he broke up w/ the mom and looking at your post it seems you would expect the step dad to basically treat the kid as his own for the rest of his life which seems insane to me.

She was still his daughter until he chose to leave. Like I already said, family is more than blood. He should have continued being her father regardless of biology. Parents separate every day for all kinds of reasons, including reasons that result in near-total separation while still retaining a custody arrangement.

e:

quote:

E. Or you want him to have some heartfelt discussion w the 3 year old about how his mom lied to him about his paternity? First, I feel like that’s a discussion that should wait until the kid can actually have that discussion intelligently, and second, that seems like the mom’s job given what happened.

There's no need to create strawman arguments like this, I never so much as implied that anyone needs to have a conversation about paternity with a 3 year-old. He should have had the same conversation that every separating couple should have with their young children: that even if they don't want to be with each other, they still love their kids.

Pinecone Sample
Oct 12, 2010

THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420
/r/relationships: the infectious liquid is long gone but still.

Jack2142
Jul 17, 2014

Shitposting in Seattle

QuarkJets posted:

She was still his daughter until he chose to leave. Like I already said, family is more than blood. He should have continued being her father regardless of biology. Parents separate every day for all kinds of reasons, including reasons that result in near-total separation while still retaining a custody arrangement.

e:


There's no need to create strawman arguments like this, I never so much as implied that anyone needs to have a conversation about paternity with a 3 year-old. He should have had the same conversation that every separating couple should have with their young children: that even if they don't want to be with each other, they still love their kids.

Except its not his kid.

QuarkJets
Sep 8, 2008

Jack2142 posted:

Except its not his kid.

QuarkJets posted:

family is more than blood

I don't agree with the notion that only biologically-related parents are real parents.

QuarkJets
Sep 8, 2008

Pinecone Sample posted:

/r/relationships: the infectious liquid is long gone but still.

Someone might assume that the /r/relationships posters all disappeared with that kind of title

Johnny Truant
Jul 22, 2008




QuarkJets posted:

Like I already said, family is more than blood.

This isn't a ubiquitous thing, you're saying it like it's more than your opinion, which is all it is :shrug:

Brother Tadger
Feb 15, 2012

I'm accidentally a suicide bomber!

Quarkjets, no offense, but I feel like you have no idea what you are talking about and you are just giving the real glib answers because you can’t imagine the day to day reality of what you are saying. You can’t just give yourself custody rights to a kid and as a lawyer who has handled a lot of legitimacy/custody cases, this guy was going to get taken to the cleaners if the bio mom disagreed about anything. He effectively has no right (or obligation) to the kid under the law.

Malachite_Dragon
Mar 31, 2010

Weaving Merry Christmas magic
And, again: Mom lied to the kid about why dad left.

D-Pad
Jun 28, 2006

I can only see one (rare) situation that would explain wtf the cold sore employee was on about. I have a friend whose daughter died at 10 days old because a relative with a cold sore had kissed her and passed it on. Apparently it can be deadly to newborns. If that employee had lost a child like that I could see why she might freak out on somebody about that at that level. That being said it probably wasn't the case and that employee deserves to get cold sores from what the mom did, I mean wtf?

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Pinecone Sample posted:

AITA for sticking my used cold sore patch on a rude employee?

So you gave her herpes for being rude to you?

the holy poopacy
May 16, 2009

hey! check this out
Fun Shoe

Bananaquiter posted:

Some of the reddit consensus is that he was rear end in a top hat for abandoning a girl he raised for three years. General reddit spinelessness or sunk cost fallacy?

I'm generally in the "you raise it, it's yours" camp but you gotta draw the line somewhere. I think if you find out and leave while they're still barely old enough to remember you that's probably worth a mulligan.

Rent-A-Cop
Oct 15, 2004

I posted my food for USPOL Thanksgiving!

I feel like there's probably a middle ground between "stay married" and "go no-contact for a decade"

the holy poopacy
May 16, 2009

hey! check this out
Fun Shoe

Rent-A-Cop posted:

I feel like there's probably a middle ground between "stay married" and "go no-contact for a decade"

Sure, but not everyone has the werewithal to murder their cheating spouse and get away with it so I don't hold it against him for taking the easy way out instead.

realbez
Mar 23, 2005

Fun Shoe
You’re an inhuman monster if you can just walk away from a child you raised for three years as your own, hth all you idiots so terrified of being a cuck meme that you can’t fathom taking a child’s feelings into consideration. Divorce the wife, try to stay in the kid’s life in some way. You might fail but gently caress you if you don’t try.

FoolyCharged
Oct 11, 2012

Cheating at a raffle? I sentence you to 1 year in jail! No! Two years! Three! Four! Five years! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Somebody call for an ant?

Rent-A-Cop posted:

I feel like there's probably a middle ground between "stay married" and "go no-contact for a decade"

Get told by the government to piss off, because sure you changed his diapers, saw his first smiles, steps and words, but he didnt originate from your balls so you cant be a part of each others life?

the holy poopacy
May 16, 2009

hey! check this out
Fun Shoe
There is only one bad guy in the story and that's the woman who decided to lie to her own child about her parentage.

If the guy wanted to go above and beyond and try to help the kid despite a hostile co-parent that would have been really swell of him but it basically falls under the good samaritan principle at that point. He's largely a bystander and victim to his ex's decision to wreak havoc on her kid's life.

Brother Tadger
Feb 15, 2012

I'm accidentally a suicide bomber!

realbez posted:

You’re an inhuman monster if you can just walk away from a child you raised for three years as your own, hth all you idiots so terrified of being a cuck meme that you can’t fathom taking a child’s feelings into consideration. Divorce the wife, try to stay in the kid’s life in some way. You might fail but gently caress you if you don’t try.

Again, this sounds real nice but when the reality is spending tens of thousands of dollars to get told “gently caress off” by the judge, it’s nothing more than grandstanding

E. And to get at the cuck angle or whatever stupid poo poo you are apparently trying to hang your hat on, recognize that since the mom will almost assuredly have 100% of the custody rights to the kid, the “dad” would basically only be able to see the kid at the mothers whim, so you are basically saying this guy was an rear end in a top hat unless he agrees to also play along with any bullshit the mom tried to pull on him re: conditioning visits on whatever hosed up terms she sets.

Brother Tadger fucked around with this message at 02:42 on Dec 27, 2019

PetraCore
Jul 20, 2017

👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

1redflag posted:

Quarkjets, no offense, but I feel like you have no idea what you are talking about and you are just giving the real glib answers because you can’t imagine the day to day reality of what you are saying. You can’t just give yourself custody rights to a kid and as a lawyer who has handled a lot of legitimacy/custody cases, this guy was going to get taken to the cleaners if the bio mom disagreed about anything. He effectively has no right (or obligation) to the kid under the law.
Yeah, I feel awful for the kid because he left and apparently had 0 regrets about it, and I think he's an rear end for that in specific, but I also think it's extremely unlikely this would have ended with him being able to effectively co-parent her no matter what he did.

She's a hurt 13 year old who feels abandoned and now just discovered her mom has been lying to downplay mom's culpability here, gonna guess her biological dad has no interest in her either. That must feel awful, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Buuuut... i don't think he's the rear end in a top hat for explaining to her why he left, which is what he's asking. She has a right to know.

Foo Diddley
Oct 29, 2011

cat
I just want to know where the actual biological father is in all this

I hope it's not me

realbez
Mar 23, 2005

Fun Shoe

1redflag posted:

Again, this sounds real nice but when the reality is spending tens of thousands of dollars to get told “gently caress off” by the judge, it’s nothing more than grandstanding

E. And to get at the cuck angle or whatever stupid poo poo you are apparently trying to hang your hat on, recognize that since the mom will almost assuredly have 100% of the custody rights to the kid, the “dad” would basically only be able to see the kid at the mothers whim, so you are basically saying this guy was an rear end in a top hat unless he agrees to also play along with any bullshit the mom tried to pull on him re: conditioning visits on whatever hosed up terms she sets.

It’s the fact that he walked away without even the barest of effort to stay in the kids life and that he found that to be an acceptable thing to do that makes him an rear end in a top hat.

Raising a kid from birth to three is a lot of work (unless you’re a useless parent who let the other parent do everything) and requires an enormous emotional commitment. Just being able to walk away from that is a sign of a hosed up person.

realbez
Mar 23, 2005

Fun Shoe
And lol at pretending he avoided a custody battle out of consideration for the kid. The kid wasn’t considered at all the second he found out she wasn’t blood. Gross.

Pigsfeet on Rye
Oct 22, 2008

I'm meat on the hoof

Pinecone Sample posted:

AITA for sticking my used cold sore patch on a rude employee?
So I'm pretty sure I'm TA but I'm hoping I'm not a horrible person.

I've always had cold sores, ever since I was a child. I am now a 34 year old mother with 2 children and the 3rd one is due in early February. So I'm very pregnant. I have always abstained from kissing my children because cold sores come up so quickly and I want to do my best to not pass them on to my kids. I do obviously cuddle my babies and show them affection in other ways.

So just before Christmas I got a cold sore yay! When I get them I wear patches as it helps with the pain but you can still see that I have a cold sore. Today, I quickly popped down the street to grab some things from the store. I had both of my kids with me. In the kids section I went up to an employee to ask her a question. She probably was in her 40s. As I talked to her she must have noticed my cold sore because she asked me of I knew that it can be dangerous for kids. I said yes I know thinking that would be the end of it. But she kept going. She said I shouldn't be near my kids when I have one because just that would be enough to infect them. I told her that was not true and I just wanted to end the conversation because I'm a good mother and I wouldn't endanger my kids. She then said I shouldn't have got pregnant in the first place if I knew I get cold sores and how dare I subjecting my poor kids to a life with a mother with cold sores. I was really confused because cold sores are annoying yes but not s death sentence. The I told the employee she was rude and needed to stop otherwise I'd talk to the manager. That must have got through to her because she stopped. But as I turned away she said: poor little baby has no idea it will be born to a selfish mother. I don't know why but this comment was too much. I turned around took off the patch for my lip and stuck it onto her cheek. We were both shocked and then I left. I do feel bad but it all happened within a second where I just lost control. I don't think it will cause any harm because my cold sore is already 6 days old and all crusty so the infectious liquid is long gone but still.

How horrible was I?


General Bullshit › /r/relationships: Last Christmas, I gave you my herpes

NecroBob
Jul 29, 2003

realbez posted:

And lol at pretending he avoided a custody battle out of consideration for the kid. The kid wasn’t considered at all the second he found out she wasn’t blood. Gross.

Leave some woke points for the rest of us you greedy gently caress

the heat goes wrong
Dec 31, 2005
I´m watching you...

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for kicking my sister and her BF out of my house for Christmas because she had sex in the room I let her stay in?

Both redditors and OP seem to be weirdly focused on there being childrens toys and pictures in the same room during the sex.

Is there some sort of taboo among the americans that I'm unaware of, or can I just file it under "people who post on reddit are weird".

Malachite_Dragon
Mar 31, 2010

Weaving Merry Christmas magic
"loving in the room owned by the 6 year old is incredibly trashy and bad" is not a uniquely American mindset, no.

HIJK
Nov 25, 2012
in the room where you sleep
The real rear end in a top hat is the kid tbh. Three years old is old enough to pick herself up by her bootstraps and get along without her father.

Malachite_Dragon posted:

"loving in the room owned by the 6 year old is incredibly trashy and bad" is not a uniquely American mindset, no.

You'll find that most non-Americans have sex in their children's rooms, much like how they spell it as "colour" vs "color." It's extremely sophisticated sex-having.

StrangersInTheNight
Dec 31, 2007
ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON
America can really run the gamut but is generally loosely 'christian' based, so a lot of shame-based poo poo around sex yeah

however even among the sex-positive it's considered p. rude/gross to gently caress where kids can hear or perceive you. so i kinda get where OP is coming from, not because of the 'she hosed near toys!' but more 'they hosed in the room next to my sleeping kid loud enough that i could hear it'. also maybe don't get ejaculate all over the sheets your sister will be laundering. if you wanna jizz up sheets, go to a hotel. that's literally what they're for.

there's nothing inherently wrong with having sex, but having sex in a way where you make it everyone else's inconvenience to clean up after you is not cool, and kinda gross if its family

StrangersInTheNight fucked around with this message at 03:17 on Dec 27, 2019

Boba Pearl
Dec 27, 2019

by Athanatos
I mean... You just put down a towel, it's not like your hosing the entire room down with jizz.

HIJK
Nov 25, 2012
in the room where you sleep

quote:

My eldest daughter has a pretty large single bed in her room (it is bigger than your standard single bed, but not quite as big as a double - it was custom made for unrelated reasons), so I offered my sister and BIL the option of staying in her bed instead of on the sofa. I checked with my daughter (who as a 6 year old, was just excited for them to see her things because she thinks her room is super cool) and she said yes, so they came on the 23rd and they were supposed to stay until the 27th.

However, on Christmas eve night I thought I heard creaking coming from the room. I wasn't sure if I was just being paranoid, but it annoyed me a little to think that they'd be having sex in there. I assumed they wouldn't do that in a room surrounded by baby pictures and child's things, so I went to sleep. The next morning, I went into the room after they had woken up to get the presents for my youngest daughter, as I was hiding some in the closet. When I walked in, the room literally smelled of sex. This is gross, but it smelled like sweat and semen. There was a large wet spot on the bed sheets.

Americans are so prudish, everyone else is okay with jizzing on a six-year old's bed, especially onto sheets that probably leaked onto the mattress pad. Doesn't everyone do it at least once in their kid's bed?

the holy poopacy
May 16, 2009

hey! check this out
Fun Shoe

realbez posted:

It’s the fact that he walked away without even the barest of effort to stay in the kids life and that he found that to be an acceptable thing to do that makes him an rear end in a top hat.

Raising a kid from birth to three is a lot of work (unless you’re a useless parent who let the other parent do everything) and requires an enormous emotional commitment. Just being able to walk away from that is a sign of a hosed up person.

I can see where you're coming from (I've gone to bat for this point of view w/r/t older kids, for sure) but he said it was an acrimonious divorce and he's had 10 years to distance himself from it, I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt about how easy it was for him at the time.

Boba Pearl posted:

I mean... You just put down a towel, it's not like your hosing the entire room down with jizz.

speak for yourself, buddy :gizz:

StrangersInTheNight
Dec 31, 2007
ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

Boba Pearl posted:

I mean... You just put down a towel, it's not like your hosing the entire room down with jizz.

well yeah of course. it's the unspoken rule of boning down at a family member's house: either you do it well enough no one knows you ever did it, or don't do it at all.

that couple didn't put down a towel, they just sorta assumed it was all cool to leak on their niece's sheets

rude

The Bramble
Mar 16, 2004



I [34M] didn’t get a present for girlfriend’s [31F] moms dog and I’m in trouble


quote:

Me: Dylan 34 Girlfriend: Jen 31 Her mom: Monica [50+F]

Title says a lot of the story… Apparently my new girlfriend’s mom is really mad that I got presents for everyone in her family but didn’t include the dog. They’re a “dogs are family” type family, not a “dogs are pets” family, and we’ve been together for about 13 months, so this is our first holiday season together. Last year we had just started hanging out together a few weeks before, and while I got her a little gift for the holidays, I didn’t meet her family for a while obviously.

I live about 60 mins from where her parents live (she’s from the Chicago suburbs originally, I’m from NY and live in lakeview now. I went home for thanksgiving and stayed here for december with her family.) In the morning I got up and drove to their house to join them for christmas.

Her mom basically gave me the silent treatment after present opening was done which I didn’t notice at first but became obvious that she was mad at me about something. I heard her and Jen talking heated in their bedroom a bit after lunch on christmas morning and stayed away until she came out, and Jen told me what was up. I said some goodbyes and then went home.

I got everyone in her family a gift… I got her sister a subscription to a leftist politics magazine I think she would be into, her dad some nice coffee beans from hawaii (he loves coffee), her mom a sampler of different peanut butters and some hand lotion my girlfriend recommended that she’d like. Jen at no point suggested I get the dog a gift or said this might be a problem and is kind of at a loss for why Monica is so upset that I didn’t get the dog a treat or something. Probably something else going on in the background but she’s taking it out on me. I asked her why this is happening / if this has come up before, and she’s also totally baffled that her mom was upset by this or for some reason is mad at me about it.

This seems so weird and out of left field. I’ve dated and had plenty of partners before, spend holidays with other families, and it’s never come up that I would get my partner’s parents pet a gift…

TL;DR: Spent xmas with new gf’s family, got everyone in her family a gift except their dog. Mom is no longer speaking to me and Jen doesn't know how to help me.

What do I say or do to be cool with my GF’s mom again, or ask better questions to understand wtf is going on? Do any families do lots of presents for their pets and how do I cover for that?

Ruh roh

thatguy
Feb 5, 2003
/r/relationships thread: where we can find at least one poster that will argue that cranking my hog while sitting on a child's seat in a kindergarten classroom is acceptable

The Bramble
Mar 16, 2004

Pinecone Sample posted:

/r/relationships: the infectious liquid is long gone but still.

Foo Diddley
Oct 29, 2011

cat
*leaving a fuckstain that you can smell from the hallway on your 6-year-old's bed*

"you fuckin' prude. you're like a goddamn american"

Odd
Dec 30, 2006

I think everybody just needs to maybe cool out a little maybe

realbez posted:

It’s the fact that he walked away without even the barest of effort to stay in the kids life and that he found that to be an acceptable thing to do that makes him an rear end in a top hat.

Raising a kid from birth to three is a lot of work (unless you’re a useless parent who let the other parent do everything) and requires an enormous emotional commitment. Just being able to walk away from that is a sign of a hosed up person.

It's not his kid. It's yours. Why should he have to raise your kid?

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Boba Pearl
Dec 27, 2019

by Athanatos

StrangersInTheNight posted:

well yeah of course. it's the unspoken rule of boning down at a family member's house: either you do it well enough no one knows you ever did it, or don't do it at all.

that couple didn't put down a towel, they just sorta assumed it was all cool to leak on their niece's sheets

rude
Oh I missed that

Ewww.

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