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As someone who’s parents split to some wild poo poo and grew up with one parent it’s stupid to expect the dude to raise the cheaters daughter. I feel bad for him and especially the kid but 80%ish of the blame should be dumped on the mother. If anything I’d put more blame on the her bio dad than him. Also a 3 year old would barely notice it let’s get real here fellas
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Dec 27, 2019 04:14
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Pirate Radar posted:Tell people you named your kid after your favorite journalist. Gonna name my kid 8 after Jennifer 8. Lee
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Dec 27, 2019 04:15
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Professorjuggalo posted:Also a 3 year old would barely notice it let’s get real here fellas My son was only half a year old when my ex broke up with me and separated us as best she could. After that the way he greeted me changed to running over to me crying before clinging to me like he was afraid I'd go away again. It was a year before the damage healed enough for him to smile when he saw me again. That said, the onus on the problem is the mother who set this up for her kid by lying about who her bio dad was.
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Dec 27, 2019 04:23
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1redflag posted:Quarkjets, no offense, but I feel like you have no idea what you are talking about and you are just giving the real glib answers because you can’t imagine the day to day reality of what you are saying. You can’t just give yourself custody rights to a kid and as a lawyer who has handled a lot of legitimacy/custody cases, this guy was going to get taken to the cleaners if the bio mom disagreed about anything. He effectively has no right (or obligation) to the kid under the law. A lot of hot takes on this but the whole "custody is super easy" coming from one side and the "father is a monster that's all" the only thing that really matters is two grown adults made a bunch of lovely decisions that affected the life of a child and how they grew up and shape their view of the world. The mom could've gotten child support from the real father (maybe she has) or at least not lied and insisted the guy was a scumbag deadbeat. Given the OP's vitriol towards his wife 10 years later there is clearly a ton of other issues not being mentioned. Neither one of these people should get any benefit of the doubt especially since the not-father rushed to prove to the girl that he wasn't her bio father the second she called him out on it. edit: Actually he did get a lawyer, it was messy and cost him $$$. So what exactly did that lawyer do? That's kind of a key detail in all this. If she signed paperwork or he got a ruling that he's not responsible for the child that makes the woman look way worse for carrying on the lie to the girl. pentyne fucked around with this message at 04:29 on Dec 27, 2019 |
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Dec 27, 2019 04:25
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Professorjuggalo posted:Also a 3 year old would barely notice it let’s get real here fellas I’ve said my piece about the dad but this is so very, very wrong
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Dec 27, 2019 04:32
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turtlicious thats a real old alt you're using there
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Dec 27, 2019 04:42
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1redflag posted:Quarkjets, no offense, but I feel like you have no idea what you are talking about and you are just giving the real glib answers because you can’t imagine the day to day reality of what you are saying. You can’t just give yourself custody rights to a kid and as a lawyer who has handled a lot of legitimacy/custody cases, this guy was going to get taken to the cleaners if the bio mom disagreed about anything. He effectively has no right (or obligation) to the kid under the law. And I feel like that's not even relevant to the situation, like I said before. OP wasn't thinking about custody when he left, he chose to abandon that child. If the situation was actually "your mother wouldn't let me stay and I had no recourse" or even "I couldn't afford to deal with a custody battle that I would certainly lose" then that would be different, but it's not what happened. By his telling, he apparently stopped giving a poo poo about his daughter the moment he learned that she wasn't biologically related to him, and that's why he is an rear end in a top hat
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Dec 27, 2019 05:09
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Odd posted:It's not his kid. It's yours. Why should he have to raise your kid? It is amazing the amount of people in this thread who are okay with the idea of being a kid's parent for 3 years and then walking away entirely and not feeling bad about it. Like what's the time limit on that? "Welp I've known this kid for 3 years, time to walk out the door and as they run after me saying "daddy don't leave!" I'll just kneel down and say...I mean actually I won't say anything, the kid's mom should have to explain all the hard things in life. I'll just walk out the door. That won't cause any more pain to this already traumatized kid. Which why do I care about traumatized kids? They're not my kid. In fact why do I care about anyone else in life that I'm not blood related to?"
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Dec 27, 2019 05:15
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QuarkJets posted:And I feel like that's not even relevant to the situation, like I said before. OP wasn't thinking about custody when he left, he chose to abandon that child. If the situation was actually "your mother wouldn't let me stay and I had no recourse" or even "I couldn't afford to deal with a custody battle that I would certainly lose" then that would be different, but it's not what happened. By his telling, he apparently stopped giving a poo poo about his daughter the moment he learned that she wasn't biologically related to him, and that's why he is an rear end in a top hat You missed the part where he said he got a lawyer. Whatever the details were from that point he walked away and the mother was the one responsible for what happened next.
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Dec 27, 2019 05:15
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There are people in this thread who go beyond the idea of "it is bad to cheat on someone and people who cheat should feel bad and you should break up with them" to "if someone cheats on you, they should be damned for seven generations. Their children's children shall be branded with a red C that all may know their family's sins. Let none give them shelter or warmth."
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Dec 27, 2019 05:17
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I would raise another man's child if I had raised it for three years, but I understand why other people wouldn't.
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Dec 27, 2019 05:18
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Benagain posted:There are people in this thread who go beyond the idea of "it is bad to cheat on someone and people who cheat should feel bad and you should break up with them" to "if someone cheats on you, they should be damned for seven generations. Their children's children shall be branded with a red C that all may know their family's sins. Let none give them shelter or warmth." yeah if your spouse lies to you and gets away with it you're obligated to continue the charade.
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Dec 27, 2019 05:25
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:yeah if your spouse lies to you and gets away with it you're obligated to continue the charade.
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Dec 27, 2019 05:29
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:yeah if your spouse lies to you and gets away with it you're obligated to continue the charade. No, if your spouse lies to you and gets away with it you divorce her. You move on and forge a better life. You don't loving abandon a three year old. It's not another man's child. It's your child. Edit: Seriously imagine your parent of choice just flatly saying to your three year old self that you're not theirs any more and you're walking out the door and tell me that is an acceptable thing to do. With no warning or transition, just one day they're happy and then the next they tell you you're not their responsibility and leaving. Benagain fucked around with this message at 05:35 on Dec 27, 2019 |
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Dec 27, 2019 05:32
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Jack2142 posted:Except its not his kid. Its been covered, but Facebook message of “hey I was only there because I thought we shared dna lol gently caress off kid” to someone you helped raise who feels abandoned is sure something
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Dec 27, 2019 05:34
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love 2 tousel the hair of the hatchling cuckoo who destroyed my future and drove the love of my life into the arms of another man
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Dec 27, 2019 05:38
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You don't think being reminded of your wife's infidelity every time you saw the kid would affect you at all? Would you be prepared to pay child support in order to have visitation? Dude says he spent a lot on lawyers and that the divorce was really messy, probably because he was on the birth certificate and did not to pay child support. I can't really blame him for that. After a messy divorce, what is the likelihood that the ex would make it easy to see the kid? Presumably the ex was also pretty awful if she lied to the kid for 10 years about what happened and let her contact him, and now thinks he's an rear end in a top hat for telling the truth. He may have needed to get the ex out of his life completely.
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Dec 27, 2019 05:38
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Trapick posted:gently caress the spouse, clearly divorce is in order. But yeah if I found out today that my four year old was not my biological kid it wouldn't change a thing, I'm her dad. That's a position that I deeply respect, especially if you stay committed to it when you're staring down 15+ years of trying to coparent with someone who will fight you tooth and claw and weaponize the kid to hurt you in any way they possibly can. But I wouldn't really blame you for deciding otherwise, especially with a kid that young.
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Dec 27, 2019 05:38
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this is why children are stupid and we should all eat hot grape instead "hot grape??? what!" you might ask. but actually, it's easy. just roast grapes in the oven for a fun fall and winter treat. (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST) (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Dec 27, 2019 05:43
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all boys do is eat hot grape and lie
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Dec 27, 2019 05:46
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like, you cook a single grape and eat it?
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Dec 27, 2019 05:47
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AITA for crying and leaving a family Christmas over a gift I received? So, I’ve been having a few medical issues over the last few months. I have been diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and getting treatment soon, but for the short while that I was unaware of what exactly was wrong with me it was very scary. I was having random heart palpitations, my hands were shaking, I started losing weight despite no change in exercise or diet, and... the symptom in question—I could not stop sweating. Just constant sweating, and I smelled. Bad. I didn’t know what to do so I was showering two times a day, every day, and trying to keep the smell at bay with antiperspirants, deodorants, perfumes, and sometimes just avoiding going out. I think the stress of being scared and confused about my health made it smell even worse. Plus, on par with symptoms, I was in a constant state of anxiety. My in-laws are the gift givers of this story. They had noticed my symptoms and somewhat offensive odor, and were informed of my attempts at figuring out what was going on with a doctor. They were also informed of my diagnosis that I received a couple weeks prior to the holiday, and my future treatment plans. Basically, on Christmas we were all opening gifts from each other and last we each received a stocking which is normally stuffed with random silly little toys/games, candy, snacks etc. Everyone else received the usual stuff while mine... was filled with a back scrubber, a loofa, soaps, travel sized deodorant, antiperspirant sprays, scented lotions, hand sanitizers, mouth wash, and perfume samples. In front of multiple family members and family friends who had no idea about my condition or what I’d been going through. It was embarrassing, and I’d never felt more aware of the fact that I knew I smelled off and so did everyone around me. I just broke down and cried. My in laws tried to calm me down by saying it was just a joke and didn’t mean any harm (while still laughing at their “joke”), but my husband defended me and said it wasn’t a funny joke and they knew how embarrassed I was and how scared I was before the diagnosis. I just walked out and sat in the car, and after a few minutes my husband joined me and we went home early. He has my back on this and I’m very grateful. He’s been incredibly supportive through all of it. But, my in laws are convinced that I overreacted and “forced” him to leave—and now are both complaining that we ruined Christmas for everyone and are very angry with me mostly for apparently being controlling and overdramatic. AITA for crying and leaving over this?
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Dec 27, 2019 05:47
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Straight White Shark posted:That's a position that I deeply respect, especially if you stay committed to it when you're staring down 15+ years of trying to coparent with someone who will fight you tooth and claw and weaponize the kid to hurt you in any way they possibly can. But I wouldn't really blame you for deciding otherwise, especially with a kid that young.
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Dec 27, 2019 05:49
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Trapick posted:I mean, I do live in a jurisdiction where I'd almost certainly get half custody in that sort of situation. If the courts weren't with me at least that far, then yeah, I can see just getting beat down hard by it all. Would you also be OK with paying child support in that situation? Because I can't imagine a scenario where a court decides you are enough of a father to have mandatory unsupervised visitation but not enough of a father to be obligated to pay child support.
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Dec 27, 2019 05:51
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the heat goes wrong posted:Both redditors and OP seem to be weirdly focused on there being childrens toys and pictures in the same room during the sex. Cool, a sequel post to that guy asserting that in Europe it was completely normal to get a facial and walk around with it on your face in front of the inlaws.
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Dec 27, 2019 05:56
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Grape posted:Cool, a sequel post to that guy asserting that in Europe it was completely normal to get a facial and walk around with it on your face in front of the inlaws. lmao what post was this
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Dec 27, 2019 05:57
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In Europe* we just gently caress in public in front of babies, kids, our grannies. It's completely normal, sorry we aren't all puritan Americans lol. (*actually just one house in Malmo currently on a watch list)
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Dec 27, 2019 06:07
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AITA for being mad at my dad over a Nintendo Switch? Last month, I was going to buy a Nintendo Switch for myself, but back at Thanksgiving, my dad strongly hinted that he was going to get me one for Christmas, which would have been awesome. Fast-forward to Christmas. I got my dad a nice 200-piece tool set to replace his very old (I think they're older than I am) and rather rusty tools, and he was happy with them, going on about how solid they felt. Then, I unwrapped the only gift from him, which turned out to be a useless light switch. He thought that was the funniest thing ever, but I wasn't laughing. I'm not mad at him for not buying me a Switch. I am mad at him for making me believe he was getting me one, causing me to miss out on all the deals, and giving me only something he knew would be useless to me. If I want a Switch now, I have to cough up extra money, just so my dad could have a cheap laugh on my behalf. EDIT: Thanks for the encouragement, everyone! I posted here because I was called "a terrible, ungrateful, spoiled person" as well as entitled over in another subreddit, and it seriously made me wonder if I was somehow in the wrong. Even though this doesn't resolve the situation, at least I feel a fair bit better now  EDIT: Just to make it more clear, he got me a switch to turn lights on and off that you put on the wall, not a Nintendo Switch Lite.
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Dec 27, 2019 06:08
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Dad is deffo the rear end in a top hat if he doesn't have an actual Switch lined up as a gift. Genuinely surprised that one of the edits wasn't "He was loving with me and gave it to me a few hours later."
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Dec 27, 2019 06:11
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for being mad at my dad over a Nintendo Switch? OP: 
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Dec 27, 2019 06:25
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pentyne posted:You missed the part where he said he got a lawyer. Whatever the details were from that point he walked away and the mother was the one responsible for what happened next. I didn't miss that part; I took it to mean that they got divorced, which can get expensive we things aren't amicable (or even when they are). He also admits to having walked out on them, which means that he didn't want to be involved with his daughter at all. pentyne posted:A lot of hot takes on this but the whole "custody is super easy" coming from one side Hey so I want to address this, I actually pointed out that I didn't know how custody would work and gave my opinion on how it should work, a bunch of people pointed out how it actually works, and that was that. No one is saying that he would even get custody, one person (me) asked for clarification and got it. The facts regarding custody don't change the fact that he's an rear end in a top hat because his actions were not predicated on custody, his reasons abandoned a 3 year old were entirely selfish by his own admission I agree that the mother is a monster, too, and OP did the right thing in telling her daughter the truth, although that doesn't counteract the very wrong thing of abandoning a 3 year old. The mother is pissed solely because she has to deal with the fallout of having been caught in an enormous 10 year lie, I don't think 3 is the right age to talk about that truth but certainly a 13 year old is old enough. QuarkJets fucked around with this message at 06:40 on Dec 27, 2019 |
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Dec 27, 2019 06:38
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Prank presents for anything over $50 are a bad idea in general. Reminded of one of those YouTube prank channels that I think ended up getting their kids taken away by CPS because their life was nonstop emotional abuse for the sake of funny internet videos.
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Dec 27, 2019 06:50
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QuarkJets posted:I agree that the mother is a monster, too, and OP did the right thing in telling her daughter the truth, although that doesn't counteract the very wrong thing of abandoning a 3 year old. The mother is pissed solely because she has to deal with the fallout of having been caught in an enormous 10 year lie, I don't think 3 is the right age to talk about that truth but certainly a 13 year old is old enough. Here's the rub, what is the outcome of the reverse of what he did? Better or worse? "Sticking to it for the kids" is a terrible mentality and kids as young as 5 can start to pick up on the animosity and hate between two feuding parents. Just from the basic context you can't assume if he stuck around it would objectively have been better. Tons of single parents raise kids and do a fantastic job it doesn't require 2 grown adults for a child to have a healthy development. At the end of the day being involved, uninvolved, or a part time co-parent, its not his kid and he was betrayed. The wife had every chance to reach out to the bio-father but this guy cut ties over a massive betrayal and she stuck with the story hoping to never get caught. Some people have things in their life they can't get over and move past, this seems like one of those things.
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Dec 27, 2019 06:55
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whats the thread title from i ctrl f'd europe and went back 10 pages. the thread moves so fast some times.
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Dec 27, 2019 06:55
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Ghost Leviathan posted:Prank presents for anything over $50 are a bad idea in general. You got a link to these videos or what man
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Dec 27, 2019 06:56
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snergle posted:whats the thread title from i ctrl f'd europe and went back 10 pages. the thread moves so fast some times.
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Dec 27, 2019 06:58
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I repeatedly offend people around my wife and it got very serious this time. **TL;DR;** : I very often said things that upset my wife's friends and families. And this recent incident put my wife in tears for days. --- Its an on-going thing with me... and finally my wife broke down last night. I and my wife had been married for 6 years with 2 kids. She is very sociable and loves hanging out with friends whereas I am a bit of an introvert. I went with her to her friends and families once in a while and very often I would make comments that weird people out and make them comfortable (unintentionally). I am aware of this after the fact and had made a point to speak as little as possible and only smile... and it worked... but then I got comfortable and it happened all over again. We met with her friend whose baby is due next month. She told us the baby's name, it sounded like the word that means "possessed by dead spirit" in my language and I made a pun about it. Apparently both her friend and her husband was highly offended by that and asked my wife to never bring me to them anymore (it's a cultural thing, they really believe by saying so it can really jinx the baby with such spirit). My wife took that very seriously. She cried through the night saying she can't stand this anymore. I tried asking for her friends contact so I can personally apologize but she insisted I stay away from her friends. We haven't talked for a few days now she refused to talk to me and I'm not sure what I can do to fix this.
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Dec 27, 2019 06:58
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for getting upset that my wife worked Christmas Eve? Let me stop you right there. Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for crying and leaving a family Christmas over a gift I received? Your daily reminder that if you're the only one laughing at your "jokes", you're the rear end in a top hat.
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Dec 27, 2019 07:01
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I think it's possible that a person could be upset enough about being cheated on and realizing that they are not the father of their own child that it might legitimately be the best thing for everyone that they leave. At what point does his responsibility to raise this kid as his own attach and how far does it go? How messy does the divorce have to be for it to be excusable to nope the gently caress out of dealing with his ex ever again? In this scenario his ex cheated on him by loving someone else for who knows how long, chose to have the baby instead of aborting it, and lied to him for at least 3 years and 9 months about who the father was. Then she was a lovely enough person to make the divorce process harder and messier than it needed to be. Then she lied to her kid about it for the following 10 years and didn't intervene to stop the kid from coming at him with accusations about abandonment. And the ex still thinks the OP is the rear end in a top hat in this scenario. That's who he left. Why would he continue any contact with that person? And being in the kid's life would ensure he had to have contact with her and allow her to control the relationship. The kid is a casualty here but I just don't buy that he should have done anything differently.
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Dec 27, 2019 07:03
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AITA for refusing to put my phone in a locked box during dinner? I am 22. Yesterday for Christmas, I went to my mother’s house for dinner. All my siblings and their partners were there and some of my nieces/nephews too. My girlfriend came with me. Before dinner was started, my mom told everyone that there was 1 rule this year, we must all put our cell phones into a safe, which only my parents know the code to, for the duration of dinner. All my siblings and adult relatives (who are older) thought it was suchh a good idea, and did so willingly. I thought it was a bit dumb, and just put my phone in my pocket. In the middle of the meal, I took out my phone for literally 5 seconds to check a text my friend sent me. My mom caught me and scolded me, and took the phone from my hand and put it in the box. Afterwards she “had a talk” with me and said I was disrespectful, selfish, and childish. AITA?
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Dec 27, 2019 07:04
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