/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Rent-A-Cop: Oct 15, 2004; I posted my food for USPOL Thanksgiving!

Liquid Communism posted:

Yeah, that's straight up 'you did something so dumb that we're lucky you didn't destroy the company' level no-confidence voting, but her marriage is basically dead.

What she did was ignore the board.

She wasn't the majority owner. The owners told her not to do a thing, and then she did the thing. Now she's fired

She's obviously not a business genius.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 16:23

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# ? May 29, 2024 16:26

empty sea: Jul 17, 2011; gonna saddle my seahorse and float out to the sunset

tactlessbastard posted:

My sister dated a guy who thought the UK won the revolutionary war and it wasn't until 1812 that we won the sequel

My daughters have had essentially zero contact with male infants and toddlers and they believe everything I tell them. You're drat right they think boys are born with three arms, an extra eye, and gills.

I just finished The Boys and the gills thing triggered the gently caress out of me. Oh God! I can't stop flapping my hands in disgust! it was so awful!

# ? Dec 31, 2019 16:26

avoid doorways: Jun 6, 2010; 'twas brillig; Gun Saliva

Rent-A-Cop posted:

She's obviously not a business genius.

She distributed shares without a right of first refusal, so that's a given

# ? Dec 31, 2019 16:30

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Ugato posted:

Wonder what the romans ate that the dinosaurs couldn�t eat and also couldn�t find a suitable replacement prey to get it from

Wasn't there a plant which was a reliable contraceptive that the Romans are generally credited with eating into extinction, and also possibly being the inspiration for the heart symbol?

rodbeard posted:

That sure is a post I made a month ago.

And it does remind me that an anime wedding is a great excuse for some drunken uncle to show up in a pompador, Hawaiian shirt and Speedo. Then again, also possibly a regular wedding.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 16:37

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

Why are you people getting stories from AITA?

# ? Dec 31, 2019 16:38

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

The Bramble posted:

Re: the girl who thinks dinosaurs ate the Romans, my money is on this being a Dad joke that went way too far. Lying to incredulous children about basic facts of existence and having them carry those beliefs into near-adulthood before humiliating themselves like this girl did is a master class dad-troll that I hope to emulate some day.

We live close to a super large cemetry, it's more like a wood from the looks. People often go there to bike or stroll. One day, my son pops one of the inevitable question: Dad, why are there these large stone plates on the graves?

Well, it's because sometimes the dead don't stay dead. They rise again and walk around at night, craving for the flesh of the living. We call them zombies. It's like in that game that you play, plants vs. zombies. These plates are there, so that the mean dead people can't get out.

Etc., it all falls wonderfully into place, why's there walls around the cemetry, why does it close after night, etc.

I even told him about the priest that guards the cemetry at night, who roams the area with a latern, ready to strike down zombies with his sword. They call him the Gravemaster�.

(There's a walled compound right in there) Yes, that's where he lives. The zombies can't get in there. That's why the walls are so high there.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 16:38

DACK FAYDEN: Feb 25, 2013; Bear Witness

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Wasn't there a plant which was a reliable contraceptive that the Romans are generally credited with eating into extinction, and also possibly being the inspiration for the heart symbol?

Yep, silphium.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 16:45

Rosalind: Apr 30, 2013; When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change.

Has anyone posted meatdad yet because lol

My (19F) Dad (40s M) has an obsession with buying exotic or illegal animal meat and is why my family fell apart.

quote:

So my dad has always been a kind of strange guy but I never really noticed. I was used to it and that's just who he is. He isn't mean but doesn't talk much, very busy with work, doesn't seem to be interested in anyone's life, that kind of thing. When I was a kid gradually our relatives stopped visiting. My dad wasn't in contact with his family, but my mom's used to be around alot. Then they stopped. I remember hearing my mom fighting with her parents a couple times. I gathered they didn't like my dad. I haven't seen my cousins in years. We used to be close as kids. I was never one for social media, but recently reactivated my facebook and decided to look up some of my relatives on a whim.

I messaged my cousin I was closest to, 18F, also my aunt (her mom) 40's F) My cousin didn't seem to know why we hadn't seen each other but my aunt said I should ask my mom. It "wasn't the sort of thing I should hear from her (my aunt)".

Mind you I'd asked my mom before a few times, she always said they were too busy to visit... I was really confused and we ended up having a long conversation yesterday. I had to insist on a real answer. Now I am horrified at what I found out. Her family is freaked out by my dad because a few years ago when they came for dinner (this was a bunch of people not just my aunt and cousin) they found out what he'd said was beef was actually kangaroo meat. My mom had specifically gone out of her way to make the meal herself because she KNEW my dad had done this BEFORE, so she banned him from cooking but he secretly swapped the meats during some point she wasn't in the kitchen! She admitted to her family he was constantly doing this to us. Yeah now I know I've eaten a ton of gross poo poo he'd said was beef or chicken. And whenever I didn't like something it's probably because it wasn't what he said.

She told me that he's been obsessed with trying exotic meats for years. Now looking back I remember times I saw weird unlabelled meat packages in the basement freezer, I just never thought to inspect it. She said he has spent thousands and thousands of dollars in getting them. They are rare and cost a lot, plus travel costs, and paying off his contacts who pass information about where he can find whatever he's looking for. It's driven my parents to the verge of financial ruin multiple times. My mom also said they've nearly divorced a few times. I used to hear them fighting sometimes as a kid, now I guess I know why.

You're probably thinking he just has adventurous tastes and this can't be that bad, so I'll give the full picture of everything she told me.

Some of the things he's had are weird to standard Americans but I realize might not be that weird other places (the kangaroo, and horse for example, wolf, camel, shark fin soup.) Some is "questionable" I guess, such as something called ortolan bunting (look it up) and seafood eaten while still alive. Then some of it is straight up illegal. Like she said he once killed and ate a bald eagle (he hunts normal game which I knew but also protected species.) He's obtained bushmeat, meat from African wildlife that's illegally imported here, this includes stuff like rats, various monkeys, chimpanzee, apes and gorillas, pangolin, porcupine, civets, and giraffe. From what my mom knows he bought these from some markets in NYC that sold it in immigrant communities.

It became even worse with other 'exotic' animals. He has gone so far as to travel to other countries specifically to hunt/get meat from particular animals. These have included, zebra, cheetah, elephant, hippo, Bengal tiger, endangered rhino, in places in Southeast Asia and Africa. He went somewhere in the Caribbean to hunt and eat dolphin. Brazil for anaconda. My mom says that a trip he's going on next month to China, is specifically to try to find a way of eating Chinese salamander and Panda meat. These are both very endangered species! It's seriously illegal there to kill pandas, that's not something chinese people actually eat but he's determined to do it.

And he's been like that about some of the other ones I mentioned that are also rare or under protected status like some types of gorillas and orangutans. Who hears of an endangered animal and thinks, "aha, I want to eat that."? Wtf? Oh and he also wants to go to the antarctic to hunt penguin and whatever else is there before the ice melts (He's already been to the arctic and eaten stuff there apparently).

My mom has to snoop on his laptop to keep an eye on what he's doing since he stopped talking about it. He knows she doesn't approve but she can't do anything. They just pretend it's not happening, and she reads his emails with contacts whenever he mentions needing to go on a trip "for work". She says it sounds like these people are involved in foreign animal trade networks. He's very secretive. She has to deliberately wait for a minute he's in the bathroom with computer logged in.

She has been terrified for years that any day he's going to get arrested. They (my mom and younger siblings) rely on my dad's salary, my mom is disabled with a chronic illness and cannot work, so would only have disability checks to get by on.

There's more she didn't even tell me because it "wasn't appropriate" and refused when I said I could handle it. So I can only imagine what else he's done.

I don't know what to do. My family is on the brink of falling apart and I never knew. I will never look at my dad the same again, this is really disgusting to me. My mom can't divorce him because they rely on him. She won't talk to her family about it because they just tell her to divorce. I know she's very anxious but I feel like I've almost lost respect for her because she knew the whole time and never at least warned me. I'm also pretty sure she has lied to me saying we never had a cat when I was little, except I remember it and don't remember what happened to it, which now I'm sick thinking maybe my dad did something. My mom insisted I was thinking of someone else's cat but there is a photo of me as a little girl with that cat on my bed.

I'm in college on the other side of the country and only home for a few more days. My mom made me promise to never say a word to my dad, "he'd kill me." This is all so hosed up to me. I'm really worried about them and what they'll do if he's caught. Also wtf is wrong with him??

What can I do? Should I confront him, or try to convince my mom to leave? Get her family involved? It's like disarming a bomb, I don't want to do anything that would just blow everything up but I cannot imagine him just getting to continue doing whatever he wants....

TL;DR: My dad has secretly been pursuing chances to eat meat from exotic/endangered animal species whenever he can. He's totally out of control to the point of breaking the law to get it. Throughout my childhood he snuck it into food he made us pretending it was something normal like beef, pork or chicken. My mom is too scared to leave him or do anything. Has anyone ever heard of something like this? What are my options?

# ? Dec 31, 2019 16:56

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Power Khan posted:

We live close to a super large cemetry, it's more like a wood from the looks. People often go there to bike or stroll. One day, my son pops one of the inevitable question: Dad, why are there these large stone plates on the graves?

Well, it's because sometimes the dead don't stay dead. They rise again and walk around at night, craving for the flesh of the living. We call them zombies. It's like in that game that you play, plants vs. zombies. These plates are there, so that the mean dead people can't get out.

Etc., it all falls wonderfully into place, why's there walls around the cemetry, why does it close after night, etc.

I even told him about the priest that guards the cemetry at night, who roams the area with a latern, ready to strike down zombies with his sword. They call him the Gravemaster�.

(There's a walled compound right in there) Yes, that's where he lives. The zombies can't get in there. That's why the walls are so high there.

I mean this apparently really isn't far off some extremely ancient and enduring human beliefs. There's prehistoric graves weighed down with stones and with stakes in the chest.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 16:57

avoid doorways: Jun 6, 2010; 'twas brillig; Gun Saliva

weird to standard Americans

# ? Dec 31, 2019 17:03

Rubellavator: Aug 16, 2007

Licarn posted:

weird to standard Americans

But in Europe this is very normal

# ? Dec 31, 2019 17:16

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

Rosalind posted:

Has anyone posted meatdad yet because lol

My (19F) Dad (40s M) has an obsession with buying exotic or illegal animal meat and is why my family fell apart.

The "other" meat is human meat without a doubt. Dad is a loving cannibal

# ? Dec 31, 2019 17:21

Rent-A-Cop: Oct 15, 2004; I posted my food for USPOL Thanksgiving!

Kangaroo isn't even very good, and raptors all taste like poo poo.

How is this idiot not in jail and/or divorced by now?

# ? Dec 31, 2019 17:22

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

Licarn posted:

weird to standard Americans

You shits only make movies about fighting off vampires, but here in europe they actually managed to get rid of them.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 17:28

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Its actually pretty easy to get away with poo poo of you're being as careful as this dude from what's told to us. There's always a chance randomness gets you but if you want something bad enough you'll figure it out.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 17:29

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

kangaroo makes pretty good jerky, the rest of that poo poo is fuuuuucccckkkeedd

Honestly I'd understand meatdad better if he was just a straight up cannibal.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 17:31

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

Motherfucker posted:

kangaroo makes pretty good jerky, the rest of that poo poo is fuuuuucccckkkeedd

Honestly I'd understand meatdad better if he was just a straight up cannibal.

He is absolutely also a cannibal there is literally nothing else that the "unmentioned" could be lol

# ? Dec 31, 2019 17:39

The Bramble: Mar 16, 2004

He wants to eat a prostitute on every continent. The frequent trips to Antarctica are a dead giveaway.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 17:46

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Captain Yossarian posted:

He is absolutely also a cannibal there is literally nothing else that the "unmentioned" could be lol

honestly I'd have more respect for the dude if he just skipped the animals and went straight to the hard stuff.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 17:48

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

Rosalind posted:

Has anyone posted meatdad yet because lol

My (19F) Dad (40s M) has an obsession with buying exotic or illegal animal meat and is why my family fell apart.

Convince the dad that he needs to earn the meat by hunting down the animals himself. Nature will sort itself out when he tries to hunt a lion.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 17:49

Peg Sliderskew: Jan 4, 2010

feedmegin posted:

Australian immigration is going to take one look at that one way ticket and deport him right back home from the airport. You don't just up and move sticks without an actual visa.

That's what I was thinking. Poorly controlled mental health condition, no job and no degree? At least they'll solve the conundrum for him.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 17:49

Rubellavator: Aug 16, 2007

Captain Yossarian posted:

He is absolutely also a cannibal there is literally nothing else that the "unmentioned" could be lol

I was thinking there was some weird sexual component but that works too.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 17:49

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

Racist nephew

quote:

I am engaged. My fianc� is from India. My brother�s family hadn�t met him yet, and my nephew will be 17 come spring. We planned to drive my old convertible (we fixed it up) and give it as a surprise Christmas gift and then fly back. His parents knew about our plan, but they didn�t warn me that their son was a militant racist. My sister-in-law just told me he was at a �difficult age.� When we arrived, my nephew wouldn�t shake my fianc�s hand and sneered at us. At lunch, he made inflammatory racist remarks about �immigrants.� I tried to change the topic, but my nephew bulldozed on. His parents just sat there. My fianc� told my nephew that he and his parents are as American as anyone at this table and he�d better educate himself. My nephew called him a raghead. I got up and told my fianc� we were leaving and to go pack the car. This got a response from my brother and sister-in-law. They yelled at their son to apologize, and I told them it was too late to try and be parents. They failed. And I wasn�t going to give a car to a budding Nazi. My nephew seemed to realize that he screwed up, and his parents did nothing but try to spin the situation. My fianc� and I had been at their house less than four hours. We drove to a motel. He is angry, and I am furious and heartbroken. I rarely get to see my family since I live so far away. My brother left a dozen messages on my phone. I haven�t listened yet. My fianc� and I will be spending Christmas in a motel and driving back. Our tickets are a waste. Lunch was over 20 minutes, and my brother and his wife didn�t breathe a word against their son. They just sat there. I don�t know what to do or what to feel. I considered myself close to them given the distance. We talk on the phone. They knew my fianc�s background. I never expected this. How do I go on from here?

quote:

You�ve done everything right, I think. It makes sense that you�re still �catching up to� your own feelings, as it were, because everything you thought you knew about your brother�s family changed almost instantaneously and irrevocably. I imagine it will take a long time for you to work through your grief and anger over their profound commitment to racism. Right now your brother is attempting to wear down your defenses by demanding you pay attention to him, leaving over a dozen messages�but you have direct evidence that when it actually mattered, he couldn�t be bothered to do the right thing. For 20 minutes he listened comfortably while his son hurled racist abuse at you and your partner; the only reason he�s panicking now is because he�s afraid of the consequences, not because he actually cares about you two. Take all the time and space you need, and give yourself permission to delete those messages. Let him know that you need time before you�re ready to hear an apology from him. Find someone else who can use the car, prioritize spending time with people who don�t use racial slurs toward your partner, and let them figure out how to deal with the consequences of their choices.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 17:50

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Also: Have you considered bodyslamming that racist child through a table like a loving wrestler?

# ? Dec 31, 2019 17:53

FilthyImp: Sep 30, 2002; Anime Deviant

That's pro advice there.

Both the bodyslam and the redditor

# ? Dec 31, 2019 17:56

Peg Sliderskew: Jan 4, 2010

SA writer spotted?

https://www.somethingawful.com/news/death-comes-dinner/

Rosalind posted:

Has anyone posted meatdad yet because lol

My (19F) Dad (40s M) has an obsession with buying exotic or illegal animal meat and is why my family fell apart.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 17:56

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

thats some real advice for reddit tho.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 18:02

Mr. Lobe: Feb 23, 2007; ... Dry bones...

Motherfucker posted:

thats some real advice for reddit tho.

if you mean racist nephew advice person, I believe that is from an advice column.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 18:03

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Mr. Lobe posted:

if you mean racist nephew advice person, I believe that is from an advice column.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 18:07

Baronjutter: Dec 31, 2007; "Tiny Trains"

God I can't handle how stupid 50% of shares mom is. Like she didn't even say she did it because she needed to raise money or take on investors, she literally did it so she wouldn't go mad with power. She specifically set up a situation where she did not have majority control over a thing, gave large parts of that control to people that were outright hostile to her or intensely and unforgivably stupid, and then acted surprised when control was taken away from her.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 18:07

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

DemoneeHo posted:

Convince the dad that he needs to earn the meat by hunting down the animals himself. Nature will sort itself out when he tries to hunt a ~~lion~~ badger.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 18:14

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

Baronjutter posted:

God I can't handle how stupid 50% of shares mom is. Like she didn't even say she did it because she needed to raise money or take on investors, she literally did it so she wouldn't go mad with power. She specifically set up a situation where she did not have majority control over a thing, gave large parts of that control to people that were outright hostile to her or intensely and unforgivably stupid, and then acted surprised when control was taken away from her.

And she literally went mad with power and they kicked her out.

MIL "smirking" and being the deciding factor probably won her a ton of support from the other shareholders.

The husband is a huge moron for secretly giving away the shares to the MIL, but given that the wife probably never met with a corporate lawyer for the purposes of shares, company structure, etc. they are perfect together.

OP in the comments says "Oh well I'll just start a new business" like its no big deal.

I can't handle how stupid reddit is for obsessing over the MIL aspect. You start getting YTA comments after the first 2-3 most upvoted comments specifically pointing out that the share system worked exactly like she intended from the start only she expected family to 100% back her when even her oldest most experienced employee was leading the charge to push her out.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 18:52

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

pentyne posted:

I can't handle how stupid reddit is for obsessing over the MIL aspect.

To be fair, the dilemma put forth by the OP is "Am i the rear end in a top hat for cutting my mother in law after she was the deciding factor in ousting me from my own company?", not "Am i the rear end in a top hat for being for the most short-sighted and dumbest loving company president who constantly makes bad decisions?"

# ? Dec 31, 2019 19:00

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

Restaurant attempting to sue me for using basic recipes

quote:

Hello. About six years ago, I worked for a soup and sandwich restaurant in my hometown while attending college. My employment there did not end on good terms. Last year, the owners of this restaurant made several very controversial political remarks primarily about immigrants, public school employees, and Muslims. The owner went on the community Facebook page and basically said that since he was the only restaurant of his type in town (and honestly one of the few non-fast food options available) that he wasn�t worried about losing customers and called people who were upset snowflakes, etc.

As mentioned earlier, my employment at this restaurant did not end positively, and I really think the owner is a grade A jerk. I decided that he maybe needed a bit of competition. I used my own money to build out a store front three blocks away from his in the downtown, hired a close friend to be the GM, and opened my own restaurant selling almost identical sandwiches. None of my food uses stolen or proprietary recipes. Examples of �copycat� food is: his restaurant has a club sandwich with turkey, bacon, cheddar, avocado, lettuce, tomato, mayo, my restaurant has the same; he has a Reuben sandwich, I also have Ruebens; he has a three cheese grilled cheese, I have a four cheese grilled cheese. All of my sauces and soups are my own recipes, nothing copied.

We have been open three months and seem to have put a large dent in his clientele. Today I received a cease and desist letter written by the owner himself threatening a lawsuit for copying his concept and �sandwich ideas�.

I feel this is just an intimidation technique and want to tell him to go away ignore him until I receive something from an actual attorney. Thoughts?

# ? Dec 31, 2019 19:06

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

pentyne posted:

OP in the comments says "Oh well I'll just start a new business" like its no big deal.

Well she has money and time now. The OP goes on to say the company pays out to shareholders monthly, so she's getting 30% of that even if they forced her out.

Not sure how big the payout is, but she's going to keep getting paid even if she's no longer employed there.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 19:11

Baronjutter: Dec 31, 2007; "Tiny Trains"

DemoneeHo posted:

Restaurant attempting to sue me for using basic recipes

Woah poo poo, I think there's a place in my city that also makes similar sandwiches, they even call them a "turkey club" and a "Reuben" like they were ripped straight from this racist guy's fancy non-fast food restaurant. This idea of grilling cheese inside of a sandwich sounds pretty cool though, shame it's under patent.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 19:13

FilthyImp: Sep 30, 2002; Anime Deviant

DemoneeHo posted:

Restaurant attempting to sue me for using basic recipes

Leonard J. Crabs should counter sue.

Or, like, frame the letter in the restaurant and say "so good. The other guys sue"

# ? Dec 31, 2019 19:15

Brain Curry: Feb 15, 2007; People think that I'm lazy
People think that I'm this fool because
I give a fuck about the government
I didn't graduate from high school

Rubellavator posted:

I was thinking there was some weird sexual component but that works too.

Shake that panda bear

# ? Dec 31, 2019 19:22

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

DemoneeHo posted:

Restaurant attempting to sue me for using basic recipes

This is like one of those classic "Just ignore them unless you get served, then consult a lawyer"

I'm sure some lawyer would take money to file that grilled cheese and turkey club are IP of one single person but charge a fortune and not promise anything in writing.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 19:44

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# ? May 29, 2024 16:26

Chamale: Jul 11, 2010; I'm helping!

Meatdad is literally a wendigo.

# ? Dec 31, 2019 19:47

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