/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Mr. Lobe: Feb 23, 2007; ... Dry bones...

Admiralty Flag posted:

"As described" being the key words. The mother could have been telling stories about everything to the child. Why would the child know who initiated the divorce except by the mother telling him?

After my divorce, my ex would make up outright lies to tell my daughter about how I wasn't contributing any money, how I wanted to divorce just to date other women, etc., but that she shouldn't tell me or I'd get really angry and ground her.

The man took a plane out of the OPs life after the divorce. I think they are going on more than just hearsay in terms of how they are evaluating the father.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 18:43

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# ? May 30, 2024 00:13

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for telling my partner that I genuinely think it would be easier to be a single mother?

quote:

I (22F) gave birth 9 months ago, twins! Sunny (her name means Sun, I would never call a child Sunny) and Mina (a nickname)

Before giving birth I was super skinny, I'd go gym every morning and eat healthy - relevant

Ever since giving birth my partner has slacked, to say the least.

He lost his job too.

He won't look after the babies, he will occasionally hold Sunny.

He doesn't buy things for the babies,

He doesn't cook or clean.

He doesn't bathe the babies or feed them.

My sister looks after the babies during the day

My mother looks after the babies during the nights since I've had to pick up double shifts.

My mother has told me if I need to I can move back in to her place with the babies and go back to college since I didn't go.

My partner recently told me that he didn't find me attractive anymore, I haven't even attempted to lose the baby weight.

My partner told me he wanted to see the doctor, he thinks he has depression and he's really sorry for slacking but he can't help it.

I told him truthfully that the only thing he has done lately is make me think I might as well be a single mother.

He now wont speak to me for being an rear end in a top hat and I'm wondering was I maybe too cold?

AITA?

INFO;

The babies were a happy accident

We were in a good place before the babies.

We are getting by OK financially.

I am exhausted all the time and because of this I can sometimes react without thinking.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 18:58

feedmegin: Jul 30, 2008

ad090 posted:

AITA for telling my partner that I genuinely think it would be easier to be a single mother?

I'm not convinced this was a 'happy' accident as far as the dude was concerned.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 19:01

Brother Tadger: Feb 15, 2012; I'm accidentally a suicide bomber!

That�s a tough one. Depression is some real poo poo, but the total shirking of all parental duties is still a little too much for me.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 19:02

avoid doorways: Jun 6, 2010; 'twas brillig; Gun Saliva

ad090 posted:

AITA for telling my partner that I genuinely think it would be easier to be a single mother?

It probably would be easier to be the single mother of 2 children than 3 children

# ? Jan 4, 2020 19:09

PHIZ KALIFA: Dec 21, 2011; #mood

That's bog standard post-natal depression and Dude Needs A Doctor, And A Therapist, And A Weekend Tripping Balls In The Woods To Humble The Ego And Reawaken The Nurturer Within.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 19:13

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

I honestly don't know how she hasn't murdered him yet. She's getting only a few hours of sleep a day, constantly exhausted, has to do 100% of the childcare, has had to rope in and probably disrupt her sister's and mother's own lives in which she probably has a ton of guilt to help her out raising the kids, and then your boyfriend walks up to you and tells you that you're tough to look at so please go back to the gym kthx.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 19:14

HIJK: Nov 25, 2012; in the room where you sleep

Kick your POS baby daddy to the curb. He doesn't care about the kids so he won't fight for them. You're free, run.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 19:19

Brother Tadger: Feb 15, 2012; I'm accidentally a suicide bomber!

HIJK posted:

Kick your POS baby daddy to the curb. He doesn't care about the kids so he won't fight for them. You're free, run.

Or, like, get him the mental health treatment he clearly needs

# ? Jan 4, 2020 19:21

PHIZ KALIFA: Dec 21, 2011; #mood

1redflag posted:

Or, like, get him the mental health treatment he clearly needs

uhhhhhh not to be a buzzkill but im pretty sure empathy is probatable ITT. i mean if the glory of hot grape can trigger a probe, brother anything can.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 19:24

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

1redflag posted:

Or, like, get him the mental health treatment he clearly needs

She should push him to get the help he needs for the sake of his daughters and she should dump him, because it sounds like she hates him already, and I don't see how you can come back from that. I love and am happy my brothers got the help they needed to try and control their heroin addictions, but our relationships will never/can never be the same after all the poo poo they pulled while under the influence.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 19:26

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

why would you go to your ex's funeral in the first place if you didn't have a good relationship after the divorce? It'd be one thing if they really coparented for years afterwards but sounds like he noped out of there.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 19:43

Railing Kill: Nov 14, 2008; You are the first crack in the sheer face of god. From you it will spread.

As the parent of a five year old, this:

datajugend posted:

Indoor sandbox is the most hosed up thing in this thread so far

is absolutely true. How do grandparents, who presumably raised children themselves, think to do poo poo like this? :psyduck:

# ? Jan 4, 2020 19:45

Chef Bourgeoisie: Oct 9, 2016; by Reene

Hellblazer187 posted:

why would you go to your ex's funeral in the first place if you didn't have a good relationship after the divorce? It'd be one thing if they really coparented for years afterwards but sounds like he noped out of there.

From the post it sounded like he was going to come to the funeral just to cause drama/stir up some poo poo

# ? Jan 4, 2020 19:46

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

Chef Bourgeoisie posted:

From the post it sounded like he was going to come to the funeral just to cause drama/stir up some poo poo

Yeah OP did nothing wrong and in fact owns a lot.

Sometimes I feel bad that I have very little family left but man, this thread makes me realize it's actually good in some ways.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 19:52

SilvergunSuperman: Aug 7, 2010

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

uhhhhhh not to be a buzzkill but im pretty sure empathy is probatable ITT. i mean if the glory of hot grape can trigger a probe, brother anything can.

Do you often cry so much over probations?

SilvergunSuperman fucked around with this message at 19:55 on Jan 4, 2020

# ? Jan 4, 2020 19:52

SilvergunSuperman: Aug 7, 2010

1redflag posted:

Or, like, get him the mental health treatment he clearly needs

Taking 9 months off because you can't be bothered to see a doctor about crippling depression, leaving your wife and her relatives to slave over your kids: Truly deserving of everyone's compassion.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 19:54

Puppy Time: Mar 1, 2005

I know we're used to unreliable narrators in this thread but I have no problem believing that a woman who was married to a piece of poo poo lying husband was also raised by abusive assholes who'd support the lying piece of poo poo after he cheated on her and then peaced out. Abusers don't usually go for people who have a great support system.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 19:55

AnoHito: May 8, 2014

SilvergunSuperman posted:

Taking 9 months off because you can't be bothered to see a doctor about crippling depression, leaving your wife and her relatives to slave over your kids: Truly deserving of everyone's compassion.

Depressed people are of course very well known for always seeking help on their own and in a timely fashion. That, continually thinking about the impact of their actions, having tons of energy to do difficult tasks, and just generally being super pleasant to be around are all the classic signs.

If you meet a depressed person who acts at all sad or mopey, they're clearly faking it for sympathy and should be abandoned immediately.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 20:07

Serephina: Nov 8, 2005; 恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー

Puppy Time posted:

I know we're used to unreliable narrators in this thread but I have no problem believing that a woman who was married to a piece of poo poo lying husband was also raised by abusive assholes who'd support the lying piece of poo poo after he cheated on her and then peaced out. Abusers don't usually go for people who have a great support system.

That's a great point. I was kinda interested in why the late mom's family would be taking the adulterer's side, but that's plausible.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 20:07

SilvergunSuperman: Aug 7, 2010

AnoHito posted:

If you meet a depressed person who acts at all sad or mopey, they're clearly faking it for sympathy and should be abandoned immediately.

Depressed people should be babied forever, they're clearly too depressed to address it!

# ? Jan 4, 2020 20:08

new boot goofin: Jul 23, 2007; like school in july

Yeah sorry gonna have to side with the woman who gave birth to two babies and is now working two jobs to take care of them on her own

As someone who has struggled their whole life with chronic depression, I say buck the gently caress up and raise your kids, it's not all about you anymore.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 20:18

FilthyImp: Sep 30, 2002; Anime Deviant

HOT BREAD! posted:

As someone who has struggled their whole life with chronic depression, I say buck the gently caress up and raise your kids, it's not all about you anymore.

I will say that Sertraline does wonders for that feeling of "whyyyyyyyy is this child crying so mucccchhhhhh why do I have to clean everything nonstop"

# ? Jan 4, 2020 20:29

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

Do we need to takes "sides"? The woman is struggling like hell and the man is likely clinically depressed. She needs help, he needs treatment. "Bucking up" is not a thing.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 20:36

new boot goofin: Jul 23, 2007; like school in july

I mean of course you're correct that they both need help but I'm having a really hard time sympathizing with the guy who turned into a useless blob after the birth of his own children and has the gall to inform his wife she's too fat to gently caress on top of it.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 20:41

Mr. Lobe: Feb 23, 2007; ... Dry bones...

Yeah, lashing out at his partner like that erased the sympathy I would otherwise have too. Maybe he needs help, but she is 0 percent obligated to seek it out for him.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 20:43

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

Legitimate question cause I'm not sure, is that kind of lashing out something that could be considered a symptom of depression or caused by the depression?

# ? Jan 4, 2020 20:48

SilvergunSuperman: Aug 7, 2010

It could also be a symptom of being an rear end in a top hat.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 20:54

AWarmBody: Jul 26, 2014; Better than a cold one.

Hellblazer187 posted:

Legitimate question cause I'm not sure, is that kind of lashing out something that could be considered a symptom of depression or caused by the depression?

Irritability is certainly a symptom of depression, but I think this guy is acting up because the twins took his mom away from him

# ? Jan 4, 2020 20:58

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

1redflag posted:

Or, like, get him the mental health treatment he clearly needs

Why is this her responsibility?

Like how is she supposed to find time and money to set up a therapist for him when she's already working 2 jobs on no sleep

# ? Jan 4, 2020 21:02

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

It is such a poo poo thing that the past is riddle with eugenics and the horribleness of it, because some people, like this rear end in a top hat in question, really shouldn't be allowed to have kids if he's going to just neglect them.

I hope she leaves his rear end. There's nothing she'd be missing by doing so.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 21:11

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

Helping both of them is the state's responsibility. Yes, in our current hellworld where there isn't support for new mothers and there isn't mental healthcare available to people who need it, she has no further responsibility to her partner. She needs to take care of herself and her children first. And she's almost certainly correct that her life would be easier as a single mother which is an incredibly sad statement.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 21:13

avoid doorways: Jun 6, 2010; 'twas brillig; Gun Saliva

[35F] finds guy I'm dating [40M] for 5 weeks kind of cringey

quote:

About two months ago I got back on Tinder and matched with a guy who I was sort of meh about. I gave him my number and we started texting, anyway. It turns out he was someone from my hometown. I realized he was a guy that I thought was hot when I was 14 and he was a ref at a highschool wrestling match. I never even talked to him so that's as far as it went. According to him, when I was 22, I approached him at a bar and told him about this. Nothing happened again. I agreed to meet for dinner. That night he apparently postes this whole story on his Facebook and said something about if he ends up missing he went out the way he wanted. Weird.

After a few weeks he has become increasingly odd to me. He has an entire wardrobe for his dog and carries her everywhere in a satchel. He basically dry humps me in public and always calls me names in bed (slut, whore, etc.) which was fine the first time but is getting really annoying because it's every time. He always wants to shower with me or tag along when I do my side gig, delivering groceries. When I have bad days he talks in baby talk to his pets and says poo poo like someone's a grumpy girl today. He, also, always bitches about his job but when I ask him what exactly he does he always says I like to keep work and home life seperate. I finally said ok but you literally always bring it up so....

The thing is, he is a super nice guy. He buys me flowers and takes me on real dates. I just find myself being hella annoyed at him. I hate when I complain about something bad that happened and he says "I know how you feel" or that he pesters me about things to the point that it becomes almost nagging. I want to like him but I feel like I'm pushing him away because I need some space. Especially since I have a child to take care of. I've told him that and I feel like I hurt his feelings. What do I do? Just push on?

Tl;dr Nice guy annoying me and I dont know if it's my problem or his.

quote:

I was pulling something out of the freezer case at the grocery store and he ofc had the dog in his bag. I feel him grab the crotch of my jeans and make some cutesey noise. I said stop loving doing that, now. He says to the dog, oh we mades hers mads.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 21:19

new boot goofin: Jul 23, 2007; like school in july

Oh yeah also in the post she says he won't even hold one of his kids so I think he's just a weirdo rear end in a top hat. They're all better off without him

# ? Jan 4, 2020 21:20

SilvergunSuperman: Aug 7, 2010

Licarn posted:

[35F] finds guy I'm dating [40M] for 5 weeks kind of cringey

Uh, run?

# ? Jan 4, 2020 21:23

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

/r/relationships: He says to the dog, oh we mades hers mads.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 21:25

Dazerbeams: Jul 8, 2009

Depression is a real thing that should be treated but lol, the mother went through the physical hardship of carrying and birthing twins. And on top of that has been the sole responsible parent of 2 newborns. Dude needs to get his act together.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 21:34

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

AWarmBody posted:

Irritability is certainly a symptom of depression, but I think this guy is acting up because the twins took his mom away from him

Thats a pretty big red flag. Almost as bad as the guy who had a tantrum about his wife not putting out as much as he wanted while she had to manage the kids and screamed at her to go suck the childs dick if she"d rather make time for her infant child then cater to his sexual demands.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 21:37

new boot goofin: Jul 23, 2007; like school in july

quote:

Unemployed European husband calls out overworked American wife on her inability to relax.

Help. I am fairly happily married to my husband of 10 years, however, when I get overwhelmed, he is quick to compartmentalize my feelings and each event leading up to my emotional outburst. This goes beyond regular male levels of compartmentalizations, as he is also from another country, and in his opinion literally nothing is as bad as it could be because we aren’t in some society/third world country.

These compartments end up being explained away, and it ends up being explained to me that I was doing something wrong and not relaxing or going with the flow, which is what makes me feel the way I feel. When he explains things this way, I feel even worse because I’m not being heard, and I cry a lot..which makes him say that he feels like he can’t explain anything. And that makes me feel like I shouldn’t be upset..which makes me upset because...is this going to be the rest of my life?

I’m just upset because I work many jobs and he freelances, and all of the financial burdens fall to me at the moment. We have no children yet, but sometimes he says that if I react like this now, he wonders what I’ll be like with kids. And in my head, I’m like “yeah. If I’m working two or more jobs while he freelances and gets to spend all the time with the kids while they learn another language or two when I’m at work, and he gets to be the cool parent...no, I won’t react kindly and go with the flow of it all.” And then I try to suck up tears because I don’t want to overreact. Again.

I guess my question is, does anybody have any experience or advice regarding cultural differences in relationships, families, and child rearing? It’s hard to handle and I can’t find literature on this topic.

TLDR: Unemployed European husband thinks nothing’s wrong because we aren’t in a war zone, while American wife’s brain is becoming one while being labeled as emotional.

quote:

Unemployed European Husband needs to get some American Employment before he gets to comment on ANYONE'S stress levels.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 21:37

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# ? May 30, 2024 00:13

iustorum_anime: Apr 4, 2016

My [21F] boyfriend's [23M] relationship with his teddybear is making me uncomfortable

quote:

Okay now please no joke this is actually serious. Also, this is a throwaway account and I was an idiot when writing my name and typed throwaway instead of throwra.

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 months now, so it's pretty new. So far everything is going well except this tiny little detail. He has this teddy bear, let's name him Teddy. Teddy has always been a part of my boyfriend's life : he got him for his birth and when at around the age of 5 or 6 (or whatever age is the appropriate age to remove a teddy bear from a child) his parents tried taking Teddy away from him, he screamt and cried so loud without stopping they ended up giving up. So he kept Teddy with him his whole life.

He mentionned Teddy to me pretty early, about a week after us being together. He showed me pictures of him and I found it cute at first. He had plenty of pictures of him in different situations (him with a mug, him laying in bed, him studying...). I truly found it adorable since I thought it was just a joke really and didn't think that Teddy was such a big part of his life. The more we got to know eachother the more he started mentionning him. He'd often make jokes about him. When he had to come back to his flat, he'd say "I have to come back Teddy is waiting for me" and then later he'd text me "ok I put Teddy to bed so now I might go to sleep as well i don't want to wake him up". Again, a little weird but cute still. But he really started talking about him constantly, always linking what we were doing to him ("Oh I wish Teddy was with us to see that", "Teddy doesn't really like people so I won't take him with me for this party" etc...) . He'd send me selfies with him at least twice a week.

He also sometimes said weird stuff like whenever we watched a sex scene in a movie he'd say "that's what me and Teddy do when we're alone" or when i asked when he lost his virginity he answered "oh I lost it with Teddy a few years ago". They were jokes that made me uncomfortable. He always seemt to consider him as a baby/his son/his brother, so him being sexualised was extremely weird for me. I told him then that it was weird and he just laughed but I don't think he took me seriously.

About a month ago, I told him I was okay with him bringing Teddy when he was staying around my flat. I could see it was making him sad to leave him, and also was very curious to finally see him in person (I can't go to my boyfriend's flat, there are rules that are strict, he can't invite anyone). So that day I drove to his flat and he went with all his stuff and Teddy. When he got in the car he pulled him out from his bag and had him give me a kiss on the cheek. When we drove, he opened the window and put Teddy out of the car (a bit like a dog would). He said it was rare for Teddy to travel like that and he could feel that he was happy. Teddy smells a lot, my boyfriend hasn't washed him in 12 YEARS. For the rest of the car drive, he hugged him and gave him kisses.

He has weird "twitch" where he just compulsively pats the back of Teddy (it makes a weird sound because Teddy used to be able to play music when you pressed his belly). He always rubs Teddy's clothes inbetween his fingers (you can guess that Teddy is in a pretty bad state, he used to be red and now he's just grey). When we're together in bed, he always puts Teddy's mouth on my mouth and I always avoid it as I find it disgusting (and I told him that I hate it but he doesn't listen). He always tries to have Teddy touch my boobs or my arse. When we make love, I often end up finding him inbetween us and every time I throw him away my bf says "oh no he likes to watch" in a joking way. He often mentions us having a threesome with Teddy, him (Teddy) being great at licking, and them always doing kinky stuff together.

Now I'm not an idiot. I know communication is important. I tried talking to him so many times. Sometimes in a joking way too so he doesn't feel attacked (like once, I asked who would he choose if he had to choose between me and Teddy, he said Teddy), but also so many times in a serious way (I told him I didn't like when he was rubbing Teddy on my face and body, I told him I found his relationship with him way too intense and weird) but every time he didn't take it seriously, made jokes, and never truly told me what he thought. I should mention that he is like that for any serious conversation, all he does is make awkward jokes and he never tells me how he feels (he said I love you first because he was drunk).

This is becoming hard to handle. I have been away from him for two weeks and was kind of relieved I wouldn't see Teddy anymore, but all he did was send pictures, and whenever I asked him "what are you doing" or "what did you do today" is answer was "playing with Teddy". Today he told me I was perfect, which was a first and I sure didn't expect that (he doesn't give a lot of compliment). When he said that I said "really ?" and his reply was "actually no, Teddy is perfect, you come way after him". I just gave up and didn't reply.

I have 3 questions. 1) Am I overreacting, am I the one not being tolerant enough, am I some boring girlfriend who can't welcome some childishness in her couple ? 2) What should I do, should I let him live his life with Teddy, should I ask him to make a real choice, should I ask him to just stop the sexual jokes... Like, who am I to ask such things I don't know ? Is it my place to tell him to stop being so weird with his teddy bear ? And 3) How do I get him to finally talk to me and take me seriously ?

TLDR : my bf has a weird relationship with his teddy bear, he considers him as a baby/a son but still makes very sexual jokes about him, often involving me by having him touch my body and it's making uncomfortable, what can I do.

# ? Jan 4, 2020 22:02

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