/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot; College Slice

DemoneeHo posted:

My (23F) boyfriend (24M) of almost a year doesn't wash his genitals.

Either break up with your self-loathing gay boyfriend or reseign yourself to a lifetime of yeast infections from bad sex.

# ? Jan 10, 2020 14:27

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# ? May 14, 2024 18:15

Elissimpark: May 20, 2010; Bring me the head of Auguste Escoffier.

Barudak posted:

The Gay Realm sounds like what people fight for in Mortal Kombat Slashfic.

FINISH HIM

# ? Jan 10, 2020 14:33

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

DemoneeHo posted:

My (23F) boyfriend (24M) of almost a year doesn't wash his genitals.

It'd be funny to hang out with this guy because you could be like, "oh dude, you're gonna eat that pizza with your hands? Isn't putting a guy's fingers near your mouth in the gay realm?" and troll him into using a fork and knife.

But hanging out with another guy would probably be gay...

# ? Jan 10, 2020 14:52

avoid doorways: Jun 6, 2010; 'twas brillig; Gun Saliva

My boyfriend is mad at me for not giving him a hj

quote:

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for a couple months, & the most I�ve done is give him a hj. I hated doing that because I felt guilty I didn�t want that to be the reason why he is with me. He begs and begs and acts angry towards me when I say no, but also is really sweet when he�s not in his �mood�. He says it�s my responsibility to do that for him and that every guy in the world gets to experience it but him. Plus I told him from the very beginning that I didn�t want to do anything sexual until marriage. I gave in with the hj before we started dating but hate doing it. What should I do.

My (M18) girlfriend (F19) posted on here a little back so, I felt that I needed some advice and to clarify our relationship status...

quote:

Above is her (very flawed) side of the story...

Essentially, we have been dating 9 months (we had talked for another 9 before). During that time (before our relationship began), we talked about our views on sex. I wasn�t too hard on anything (pun not intended) and she explicitly stated that she didn�t feel comfortable having sex, but she would be willing to give handjobs. She actually initiated the first contact (I was way less willing than she), and I went with it. She pushed a little and I had nothing to lose, so we worked our way up through handjobs and then, finally, blowjobs.

Seemingly, as soon as our relationship started, she stopped (later, I would find this is because she felt that she only did it to �get me interested in her). She told me (and I believe her) that it was for religious reasons, but the problem is now since she wanted to bail out, I really have �withdrawals� (sex is about connection with me NOT orgasm, so masturbation won�t cut it). And I keep trying to gently convince her to change her mind, but she won�t budge and we broke out into an argument.

I just feel kinda hurt and question why it WAS worth it (for her) to get me, but now she doesn�t want to anymore. I might add, the sexual contact wasn�t a one time thing, it probably numbers in the 30s). I really miss the sexual bonding. I love this girl and I want to marry her (in which case she says she will be comfortable doing anything, but I don�t buy that), but due to college that�s not feasible for, optimistically, 6 years (at least). I just CAN�T go that long without any sexual fulfillment, but I don�t want to lose her. I just want to be intimate like we USED to be. I don�t know what else to say...

# ? Jan 10, 2020 15:15

PHIZ KALIFA: Dec 21, 2011; #mood

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for refusing to buy Chick-fil-a for my pregnant wife?

I really don't know if I'm an rear end in a top hat. Some people are calling me a prick, but I don't think I'm in the wrong.

My wife is currently 6 months pregnant. And we are both super excited for our future. Though, we did have some hurdles after the pregnancy.

Yesterday, my wife asked me for a grilled chicken sandwich from Chick-fil-a. I drive over, and get her one, and myself something. When I come home, she takes a bite out of her sandwich, then she throws it into a wall. I was surprised, and did whisper "What the gently caress". Then she says "I said no pickles". There were absolutely no pickles in her sandwich. I even checked afterwards. I told her that, and she immediately apologized.

She wanted my sandwich. I just said no. Then, I ate my sandwich. I also told her that I'm not going to Chick-fil-a for her cravings, and that if she wants ti go there that she can do it by herself.

She told her friends, who are calling me an rear end in a top hat for doing that. I really don't think I am.

So, AITA?

chique fillet brines their chicken in pickle juice. so she's not wrong, she's just got Pregnancy Tongue.

# ? Jan 10, 2020 15:15

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

AITA for saying it's better to be a mommy's boy than a bad boy?

quote:

I (20M) told my younger brother (16M) some advice with girls. He's come to me for advice.

He asked me how to be a bad boy, you know the typical bad boy, risk taking, adventurous, arrogant, etc.

I'm a proud "mommas boy". My mom is the number 1 person in my life. I spend my Friday nights watching TV with her, rather than going our clubbing and doing lots of drugs.

I told my brother that it's far better to be a mommas boy than a bad boy, and that girls prefer being with a mommas boy than a bad boy. Being a bad boy is trouble and drama. I have no doubt that girls prefer mommas boys. Although mommas boy and bad boy aren't mutually exclusive, they usually don't overlap.

Now my cousin (20M) caught wind of the advice I gave and said I was an rear end in a top hat that my advice was

# ? Jan 10, 2020 15:16

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

Licarn posted:

My boyfriend is mad at me for not giving him a hj

My (M18) girlfriend (F19) posted on here a little back so, I felt that I needed some advice and to clarify our relationship status...

The attitude of thinking if you do something sexual with someone, it'll be the "only reason" they're with you is so flawed. Like, no poo poo? You'd just be friends otherwise!

# ? Jan 10, 2020 15:21

MightyJoe36: Dec 29, 2013; Cat Army

WTF is with all of these dudes who don't wash/don't wipe? Is there no such thing as health classes in school anymore or are there really that many broke-brained, too lazy to live individuals out there? :psyduck:

# ? Jan 10, 2020 15:27

TheDeadlyShoe: Feb 14, 2014

It's bad parenting. I mean there are health classes but its not like the teacher is going to inspect your taint.

Pretty sure everyone who is worried about The Gay Realm listened to a great deal of pointed commentary on the topic when they were little.

# ? Jan 10, 2020 15:29

Mr. Lobe: Feb 23, 2007; ... Dry bones...

Elissimpark posted:

FINISH IN HIM

# ? Jan 10, 2020 15:32

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

MightyJoe36 posted:

WTF is with all of these dudes who don't wash/don't wipe? Is there no such thing as health classes in school anymore or are there really that many broke-brained, too lazy to live individuals out there?

Did you first learn about washing and wiping your rear end in health class? I don't remember going over that as people usually learn that at like 2 years old.

# ? Jan 10, 2020 15:34

Sloth Life: Nov 15, 2014; Built for comfort and speed!; Fallen Rib

Elissimpark posted:

FINISH HIM

This very good

# ? Jan 10, 2020 15:36

Johnny Truant: Jul 22, 2008

yeah they definitely didn't go over like, general hygiene in my health/sex ed class

# ? Jan 10, 2020 15:36

Fatkraken: Jun 23, 2005; Fun-time is over.

Pinecone Sample posted:

AITA for saying it's better to be a mommy's boy than a bad boy?

why not just be a decent person?

# ? Jan 10, 2020 15:40

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

You know when your butthole is itchy because of inferior toilet paper or you just cannot wipe enough? Society is full of men picking at their asses, spreading actual poop particles everywhere, ordering lunch on touchscreens just like you and me. It is imperative that the public health policy wonks figure out how to turn us gay.

# ? Jan 10, 2020 15:49

Mr. Lobe: Feb 23, 2007; ... Dry bones...

Fatkraken posted:

why not just be a decent person?

haven't you heard? life is like an RPG character creation where you are obligated to select 1 or more flaws

# ? Jan 10, 2020 15:52

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot; College Slice

Johnny Truant posted:

yeah they definitely didn't go over like, general hygiene in my health/sex ed class

They separated or sex ed classes by gender. Girls didn't get hygiene instruction other than how to dispose pads/tampons, get blood out of fabric, and avoid TSS.

I remember hearing about the boys being told how to shower and where deodorant does and does not go. At least one guy said he was putting it on his genitals.

# ? Jan 10, 2020 15:55

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

Hello, please meet the mom who wants her kids to get naked.

quote:

Dear Care and Feeding,

I am the mother of three boys (a 15-year-old and 11-year-old twins) and have a question about the emergence of extreme bashfulness and what, if anything, to do about it. When my oldest turned 12, he abruptly went from comfortably walking around the upstairs naked and happily changing clothes in front of his brothers to never letting ANYONE see him without pants. I assumed this was due to his reaching puberty earlier than most of his friends and his being self-conscious about the whole thing (body hair, etc.). I did not make a thing about it. About eight months ago, his twin little brothers, who, incidentally, show very few signs of puberty, also completely shut down any nudity in the house.

Now, although they share a bedroom, they will not change clothes or get into pajamas with each other in the room (and will even change in the closet if another room isn’t available). They will not even get into swimwear if the other (or anyone, including me or my husband) is nearby. This is both inconvenient and frankly baffling to me. I am the youngest of five siblings and not only did I regularly change in front of my sisters and mother without issue, I changed in front of my friends during sleepovers, changed in front of others at camp, in gym class at school, in the locker rooms of sports teams, etc. I am far from a nudist, but I feel like these were pretty typical experiences for someone of my generation.

In any case, I guess it bothers me because it seems like they are either ashamed of their bodies or have been taught to associate nudity with inappropriate behavior. Which is kind of sad, really. Because bodies are just bodies. I read an article last year that implied that kids no longer change or shower in communal locker rooms at school, so perhaps this is just a cultural trend to limit inappropriate/nonconsensual touching/harassment and as a consequence, kids are generally less comfortable with nudity in all contexts?

I am conflicted about how to handle this as a parent and up to this point, I have not done a good job. I will just say things like “You don’t have to hide—you can change in front of your brothers! Bodies are just bodies! There is nothing to be ashamed of” in a mildly annoyed voice. And the boys just tend to look at me, horrified, when I say things like this! It just makes me sad to think that we are at a place in society where naked/semi-naked bodies are sexualized to the degree that the only time people are comfortable being naked is with a potential sexual partner. I have mentioned the bashfulness thing to other parents with mixed reactions, mostly along generational lines (younger parents seem OK with the no-nudity thing; older parents more like me).

What do you think? Am I totally overthinking this? Do I try some subtle deprogramming at home and hope they grow out of it or just keep my mouth shut and accept the status quo?

—They’re Just Bodies!

# ? Jan 10, 2020 15:57

artsy fartsy: May 10, 2014; You'll be ahead instead of behind. Hello!

Fatkraken posted:

why not just be a decent person?

'Cause he's 16 and thinks his older brother is lame and is trying to avoid ending up the same, probably

# ? Jan 10, 2020 15:58

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

That's a totally normal stage in development and the mom is making it weird.

# ? Jan 10, 2020 15:59

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

Dienes posted:

They separated or sex ed classes by gender. Girls didn't get hygiene instruction other than how to dispose pads/tampons, get blood out of fabric, and avoid TSS.

I remember hearing about the boys being told how to shower and where deodorant does and does not go. At least one guy said he was putting it on his genitals.

My wife thinks my balls smell because I gained 150 lb. and eat fast food three times a day but it's actually because I stopped putting deodorant on my genitals

# ? Jan 10, 2020 15:59

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Mom is attempting to run a lifelong gaslighting campaign to convince her children they were never kicked out of Eden.

# ? Jan 10, 2020 16:00

Xun: Apr 25, 2010

Dienes posted:

They separated or sex ed classes by gender. Girls didn't get hygiene instruction other than how to dispose pads/tampons, get blood out of fabric, and avoid TSS.

Wtf I didn't learn that in my sex ed classes, that would have actually been pretty helpful???

# ? Jan 10, 2020 16:02

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

An entire generation whose parents were too bashful/disinterested/destroyed by religion to give their kids anything resembling useful sex ed and health education and assumed that the schools would do it, while the schools mostly didn't.

# ? Jan 10, 2020 16:12

McSpanky: Jan 16, 2005

zakharov posted:

Hello, please meet the mom who wants her kids to get naked.

My god, the nevernudes are winning

# ? Jan 10, 2020 16:13

Sunswipe: Feb 5, 2016; by Fluffdaddy

TheDeadlyShoe posted:

It's bad parenting. I mean there are health classes but its not like the teacher is going to inspect your taint.

I see someone didn't go to a Catholic school.

# ? Jan 10, 2020 16:15

new boot goofin: Jul 23, 2007; like school in july

Elissimpark posted:

FINISH HIM

GAYALITY

# ? Jan 10, 2020 16:41

Peg Sliderskew: Jan 4, 2010

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

chique fillet brines their chicken in pickle juice. so she's not wrong, she's just got Pregnancy Tongue.

Really?

That sounds fowl.

# ? Jan 10, 2020 16:46

haveblue: Aug 15, 2005; Toilet Rascal

HOT BREAD! posted:

GAYALITY

# ? Jan 10, 2020 16:47

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Dienes posted:

Either break up with your self-loathing gay boyfriend or reseign yourself to a lifetime of yeast infections from bad sex.

I really hope it is being closeted because the other likely explanation is child abuse.

# ? Jan 10, 2020 17:40

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

zakharov posted:

Hello, please meet the mom who wants her kids to get naked.

Congrats on ensuring the behavior will continue because mom is a weirdo who for some reason needs it to stop.

# ? Jan 10, 2020 17:41

henkman: Oct 8, 2008

Xenocides posted:

I really hope it is being closeted because the other likely explanation is child abuse.

He could also just be a weirdo

# ? Jan 10, 2020 17:43

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

WIBTA if I made a deepfake of my mother-in-law saying a final goodbye to my wife so that my wife could get closure?

quote:

My MIL passed away 10 years ago very suddenly from an diagnosed condition. The way she went, she didn't get to say goodbye to anyone. It has devastated my wife.

We have kids of our own who never got to meet MIL. And my wife's grief is affecting them in ways my wife would not like, but I have no way of telling my wife that. There's just no good way to tell someone to quit being sad that their mom died. My wife is sad every holiday season that she was robbed of having happy holidays with her Mom, but that very sadness is robbing our children of their own happy holidays with their mom. My oldest daughter (age 8) is very sensitive to my wife's emotions and has taken on my wife's grief in a way. Twice she's started crying saying "It's just so sad that mommy doesn't have a mother anymore".

I don't mind my wife's grief in an of itself. That poo poo's hard and stays with you forever. But I hate to see it hurt my kids too.

I was thinking I could make a deepfake from home movies and/or hiring a look-alike of her mom saying something brief like "I love you, I'm so proud of you, give those beautiful kids all the hugs and love that I can't. I love you."

That's either the dumbest loving idea ever and will pour acid on her emotional wound or it could give her the closure she needs to put her full focus on being a great and happy mom for our kids.

So tell me reddit, WIBTA?

EDIT: Okay, I get it. I think I was just too close to it to see how dumb this would be. Thanks for the perspective everyone. I will talk to her about this and the possibility of a grief counselor.

EDIT2: Also, I should have been clear. The intention was never to pass off the end product as legitimate, but instead as a tool to help her make peace with her grief. But it's abundantly clear to me now that I need to let a professional help my wife and family, not me.

# ? Jan 10, 2020 18:02

henkman: Oct 8, 2008

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

WIBTA if I made a deepfake of my mother-in-law saying a final goodbye to my wife so that my wife could get closure?

Lol good lord

# ? Jan 10, 2020 18:27

SilvergunSuperman: Aug 7, 2010

Sounds like a baller prank, he should go for it.

# ? Jan 10, 2020 18:30

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

WIBTA if I made a deepfake of my mother-in-law saying a final goodbye to my wife so that my wife could get closure?

This is gonna become a huge industry. Technology was a mistake.

# ? Jan 10, 2020 18:39

goethe.cx: Apr 23, 2014

Admiral Ray posted:

This is gonna become a huge industry. Technology was a mistake.

Another step closer to that black mirror episode

# ? Jan 10, 2020 18:45

Kuros: Sep 13, 2010; Oh look, the consequences of my prior actions are finally catching up to me.

DemoneeHo posted:

My (23F) boyfriend (24M) of almost a year doesn't wash his genitals.

/r/relationships: Masturbation is a gateway to the ~~Shadow~~ Gay Realm!

# ? Jan 10, 2020 18:49

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Admiral Ray posted:

This is gonna become a huge industry. Technology was a mistake.

This is a pretty decent sci fi short story about this. It involves a mass shooting so if you don't want to read about that then don't click

# ? Jan 10, 2020 19:09

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# ? May 14, 2024 18:15

A Moose: Oct 22, 2009

SilvergunSuperman posted:

I love how often reddit sees themselves in the shitstain being described and rush to find excuses it might not be true.

Its almost always this. They always sympathize with the rear end in a top hat because they're assholes and they hate when people call assholes assholes.

# ? Jan 10, 2020 19:16

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