Weird News Headlines: The male is in the czech

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > Weird News Headlines: The male is in the czech

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Samuringa: Mar 27, 2017; Best advice I was ever given?

"Ticker, you'll be a lot happier once you stop caring about the opinions of a culture that is beneath you."

I learned my worth, learned the places and people that matter.

Opened my eyes.

quote:

On Chaturbate, her location is listed as "Virtual Little Tokyo," and under smoking and drinking preferences, "literally impossible." Her birthdate is listed as July 7, 2000, but more accurately, Melody came into the world in July 2019, when ProjektMelody joined Twitter.

https://i.imgur.com/SpkENOa.gifv

# ? Feb 15, 2020 17:28

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 12, 2024 15:41

Carthag Tuek: Oct 15, 2005; Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
sl�gt skal f�lge sl�gters gang

ultrafilter posted:

https://twitter.com/motherboard/status/1228697981861404673

assuming that its not some corporate bullshit, i have a begrudging respect for whoever runs the crypto-waifu

probably the safest sex work there is?

# ? Feb 15, 2020 17:44

Nastyman: Jul 11, 2007; There they sit
at the foot of the mountain
Taking hits
of the sacred smoke
Fire rips at their lungs
Holy mountain take us away

ultrafilter posted:

https://twitter.com/motherboard/status/1228697981861404673

Looking forward to when the internet does it's thing and this has to be taken down.

now lol

# ? Feb 15, 2020 17:49

Elfface: Nov 14, 2010; Da-na-na-na-na-na-na
IRON JONAH

Samuringa posted:

https://i.imgur.com/SpkENOa.gifv

That's fine, she's 18 in computer years. Next year she'll be 36.

# ? Feb 15, 2020 19:25

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

Johnny Aztec posted:

That's already been made.

It was a Charlie Sheen movie.

Tardcore posted:

Henry Rollins was in it too

And Anthony Kiedis and Flea as vigilantes in a lifted truck.

And Ron Jeremy as a news camera man.

That movie was loving weird as hell casting-wise.

# ? Feb 16, 2020 02:18

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Hospital won�t let man bring �emotional support Trump� cutout to dialysis treatment
I 100% support this patriot in his decision to forego treatment in protest :zpatriot:

# ? Feb 16, 2020 02:35

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

Elfface posted:

That's fine, she's 18 in computer years. Next year she'll be 36.

Nobody:
The porn industry, next year: We regret to inform you that ProjektMelody is now a �granny�.

# ? Feb 16, 2020 02:51

FreudianSlippers: Apr 12, 2010; Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Wacky biblical names:

-John
-David
-Maria
-Benjamin
-Eve
-Jacob/James
-Isaac
-Hannah
-Aaron
-Ruth

# ? Feb 16, 2020 12:32

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

Don't forget Joshua.

# ? Feb 16, 2020 12:44

Cartoon Man: Jan 31, 2004; Can't post for 3 days!

https://news.yahoo.com/snake-orgy-prompts-partial-closure-florida-city-park-071644758.html

# ? Feb 16, 2020 13:52

Mister Mind: Mar 20, 2009; I'm not a real doctor,
But I am a real worm;
I am an actual worm

Cartoon Man posted:

https://news.yahoo.com/snake-orgy-prompts-partial-closure-florida-city-park-071644758.html

Somebody playing Barry White albums?

# ? Feb 16, 2020 17:28

Shifty Nipples: Apr 8, 2007

Mister Mind posted:

Somebody playing Barry White albums?

Marvin Gaye - Sssexual Healing

# ? Feb 16, 2020 17:40

Elfface: Nov 14, 2010; Da-na-na-na-na-na-na
IRON JONAH

Mister Mind posted:

Somebody playing Barry White albums?

With the bass turned way up, and the speakers on the floor.

# ? Feb 16, 2020 18:11

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

https://twitter.com/brother_dag/status/1229144664470642688

# ? Feb 16, 2020 22:25

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

# ? Feb 18, 2020 00:29

ultrafilter: Aug 23, 2007; It's okay if you have any questions.

https://twitter.com/tomosucks/status/1228993064141828096

# ? Feb 18, 2020 02:43

Pastry of the Year: Apr 12, 2013

Captain Hygiene posted:

# ? Feb 18, 2020 12:53

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

Captain Hygiene posted:

# ? Feb 18, 2020 15:17

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Pastry of the Year posted:

# ? Feb 18, 2020 15:20

Cartoon Man: Jan 31, 2004; Can't post for 3 days!

https://wtop.com/arlington/2020/02/arlington-shelter-raises-65000-for-cat-found-with-arrow-in-head/

:nms:

Pictures of the cat with the arrow in his head at this link, though it�s not that awful looking...
https://wtop.com/arlington/2020/02/saving-cupid-arlington-shelter-rescues-cat-found-on-valentines-day-with-arrow-in-head/

They were asking for $6,500 in donations for his procedure but ended up getting over $65K from going viral. They�ll use the extra money to help fund other rescue surgeries.
:unsmith:

Cartoon Man has a new favorite as of 21:49 on Feb 19, 2020

# ? Feb 19, 2020 21:40

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Cartoon Man posted:

I swear I remember that headline from months ago, I guess maybe cats surviving arrows to the head is more common than I would've assumed :smith:

# ? Feb 19, 2020 21:49

ultrafilter: Aug 23, 2007; It's okay if you have any questions.

https://twitter.com/dannolan/status/1230365884146835456

# ? Feb 21, 2020 00:56

Veni Vidi Ameche!: Nov 2, 2017; by Fluffdaddy

Mister Mind posted:

Somebody playing Barry White albums?

A new take on Whacking Day.

# ? Feb 21, 2020 01:23

Knormal: Nov 11, 2001

Hatchet-bearing man claiming to be Jesus arrested for Placerville burglary, police say

quote:

An alleged burglar who identified himself as Jesus and smashed up a Placerville sporting goods store with a hatchet was arrested this week, police said.

Officers responded around 2:40 a.m. Tuesday to an alarm triggering at the Big 5 Sporting Goods store on Placerville Drive. The alarm company �reported multiple glass breaks and a male subject on the phone inside the store claiming to be Jesus Christ,� the Placerville Police Department said Thursday in a news release.

Police arrived at the scene to find a hooded man outside the front of the business, where a white Subaru had been used to ram the front door and gain entry, according to the news release. The suspect then retreated inside the Subaru and closed the door, but officers quickly got him out and took him into custody.

The man, identified by police as Blake Thacker, 32, of Georgetown, was arrested and booked into the El Dorado County jail for commercial burglary.

Store surveillance video showed Thacker driving his Subaru through the doors, gaining entry and using a hatchet to smash glass display counters, according to the Police Department.

�Thacker ransacked the store in what appeared to be random acts of vandalism,� the news release said.

Police say the burglary appeared to be related to an earlier incident handled by the El Dorado County Sheriff�s Office on Monday evening, in which a man associated with the Subaru had been �banging on the doors at Walmart on Missouri Flat Road,� reportedly �demanding a firearm to kill someone.�

Thacker remains in custody at the jail for the burglary charge, with bail set at $10,000.

Anyone with information regarding the case is asked to contact the Placerville Police Department at 530-642-5210.

Guys I don't think that was really Jesus.

# ? Feb 21, 2020 05:07

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Knormal posted:

Hatchet-bearing man claiming to be Jesus arrested for Placerville burglary, police say

Guys I don't think that was really Jesus.

Well yeah, everyone knows Jesus drives a Honda.

# ? Feb 21, 2020 05:11

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

If it were Jesus, he wouldn�t have had a hatchet.

Jesus� weapon of choice was a whip.

# ? Feb 21, 2020 05:49

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

Which explains why Indiana Jones was able to pick out the True Grail! :monocle:

# ? Feb 21, 2020 06:00

Volcott: Mar 30, 2010; People paying American dollars to let other people know they didn't agree with someone's position on something is the lifeblood of these forums.

Jesus and Indy were both Belmonts.

# ? Feb 21, 2020 06:46

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Volcott posted:

Jesus and Indy were both Belmonts.

No, in that case it would go:
"So I hear they say you're the king of the OW! AH! STOP THAT! Ow! My nuts! Ow! Somebody do somethi-yow!"

# ? Feb 21, 2020 13:50

Phlegmish: Jul 2, 2011

Platystemon posted:

If it were Jesus, he wouldn�t have had a hatchet.

Jesus� weapon of choice was a whip.

Getting that one-handed accuracy bonus

# ? Feb 21, 2020 15:12

AlbieQuirky: Oct 9, 2012; Just me and my 🌊dragon🐉 hanging out

Jesus would have had hatchets and saws and whatever other poo poo carpenters of that era had :colbert:

PLANE the moneylenders out of that temple.

# ? Feb 21, 2020 16:20

Nastyman: Jul 11, 2007; There they sit
at the foot of the mountain
Taking hits
of the sacred smoke
Fire rips at their lungs
Holy mountain take us away

AlbieQuirky posted:

Jesus would have had hatchets and saws and whatever other poo poo carpenters of that era had

PLANE the moneylenders out of that temple.

Turn evil (on a lathe)

Nastyman has a new favorite as of 20:33 on Feb 21, 2020

# ? Feb 21, 2020 16:51

Cartoon Man: Jan 31, 2004; Can't post for 3 days!

The gators and the iguanas have a new ally in the war on Floridaman...

https://www.routefifty.com/management/2020/02/poop-screams-divebombs-peacock-miami/163213/

# ? Feb 22, 2020 00:52

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

They really ought to trap the peanhens as well.

# ? Feb 22, 2020 01:06

Cartoon Man: Jan 31, 2004; Can't post for 3 days!

graphic pictures even though they blur out the worst:
https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/weird-news/man-high-zombie-drug-spice-21547603

# ? Feb 22, 2020 03:34

Screaming Idiot: Nov 26, 2007; JUST POSTING WHILE JERKIN' MY GHERKIN SITTIN' IN A PERKINS!

BEATS SELLING MERKINS.

Cartoon Man posted:

graphic pictures even though they blur out the worst:
https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/weird-news/man-high-zombie-drug-spice-21547603

"I MUST NOT FEAR! FEAR IS THE MIND KILLER!" I scream, sawing fervently. "FEAR IS THE LITTLE DEATH THAT BRINGS TOTAL OBLITERATION!"

# ? Feb 22, 2020 04:04

Slippery: May 16, 2004; Muscles Boxcar

Captain Hygiene posted:

Well yeah, everyone knows Jesus drives a Honda.

Lol

He also built my hot rod.

Oh and he rides beside me, but he never buys any smokes

# ? Feb 22, 2020 04:39

Cacafuego: Jul 22, 2007

Slippery posted:

Lol

He also built my hot rod.

Oh and he rides beside me, but he never buys any smokes

Nah, Jesus never smoked, he was more of an edible guy

# ? Feb 23, 2020 14:47

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Cacafuego posted:

Nah, Jesus never smoked, he was more of an edible guy

It is not what goes into a man's mouth that defiles him, but what comes out of it.

# ? Feb 23, 2020 15:04

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# ? May 12, 2024 15:41

Samuringa: Mar 27, 2017; Best advice I was ever given?

"Ticker, you'll be a lot happier once you stop caring about the opinions of a culture that is beneath you."

I learned my worth, learned the places and people that matter.

Opened my eyes.

https://twitter.com/cnn/status/1170268240070754304

# ? Feb 24, 2020 21:10

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > Weird News Headlines: The male is in the czech

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