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May 11, 2020 20:54
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quote:My son when he was about 4 or 5:
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May 12, 2020 08:04
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:I always thought the same as a kid, too, but I was grateful because I have always disliked cake. At birthday parties, I would swap my cake for other kids' unwanted frosting (no, I do not appear to have developed diabetes yet) Please, have this sickeningly sweet glop that's overwhelming the delicate sponge underneath. At my own party I had to beg for a piece not on the edge, let alone the corner piece they always tried to give me.
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May 12, 2020 11:43
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Beachcomber posted:Please, have this sickeningly sweet glop that's overwhelming the delicate sponge underneath. At my own party I had to beg for a piece not on the edge, let alone the corner piece they always tried to give me. I just asked my parents for pie instead. It's a little bit cheaper too, usually.
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May 15, 2020 23:49
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imo making a terrible cake yourself is better than any cake you can buy the former is either a great experience or a good story, the latter is completely forgotten
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May 16, 2020 00:13
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Nostradingus posted:I just asked my parents for pie instead. It's a little bit cheaper too, usually. According to my mom, everyone's expecting cake so it has to be cake.
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May 16, 2020 14:19
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I always just asked for an ice cream cake.
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May 16, 2020 15:04
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Woah, look at miss moneybags over here who can afford parents
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May 16, 2020 18:27
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Today the kids played shop. Their shop sold babies and pink milkshake.
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May 28, 2020 16:23
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I mean I just read about a shop in Sydney that sells fried chicken and sneakers so it isn’t the most ridiculous combo ever.
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May 28, 2020 16:31
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Alhazred posted:Today the kids played shop. Their shop sold babies and pink milkshake. Do they deliver? My eldest son has said repeatedly that he wants us to buy a baby since his little brother is too old now.
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May 28, 2020 17:24
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My four-year-old told me a joke the other day. Him: "Why did three tomatoes cross the road?" Me: "I dunno, why?" Him: *Pauses to think* Him: "To buy perfume! And then one of them got hit by a car." He hasn't quite got the hang of this humor thing yet, but he's getting there.
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May 28, 2020 20:03
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Nephie 1 calls muffins "nuffins" and he can go to school in the "new normer". Nephie 2 has decided he likes to be tickled in his "leg pits".
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May 29, 2020 02:44
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For this story you need to know my som was a vaginal birth and my daughter via c-section. My kids got phones recently and my daughter is her moms shadow. She was texting her all weekend, trying to facetime her, etc. Eventually, her mom told her “im going to go run some errands. Ill call you when im home.” After several hours, my daughter was very concerned. “Do you think she is home yet?” “Why hasnt she called?” “Im going to call to make sure she is safe.” I kept telling her to calm down, let her mom have some peace and quiet, come hang out with me, until the point I got frustrated and said “can you get out of your moms rear end and be here for the day?” She goes “umm. Ive never been in my moms butt. [Brother] was in her vagina once, but I was cut out of her tummy.”
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May 29, 2020 04:20
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Hopes Fall posted:Nephie 2 has decided he likes to be tickled in his "leg pits". I too had this nickname for the popliteal fossae 
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May 29, 2020 20:21
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Alhazred posted:Today the kids played shop. Their shop sold babies and pink milkshake. I personally want to resurrect the fig and asp business ala Antony and Cleopatra
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May 29, 2020 21:50
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donquixotic posted:I personally want to resurrect the fig and asp business ala Antony and Cleopatra watch out for sycophants
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May 30, 2020 00:00
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sweeperbravo posted:I too had this nickname for the popliteal fossae It's a reasonable naming method.
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May 30, 2020 03:28
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The leg equivalent of an armpit would be the rear end crack, surely
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May 30, 2020 20:09
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Calling the back of your knees your leg pits has a hilarious kind of logic to it.
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May 30, 2020 20:12
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Those are called "kneepits," legpits imply where the legs join the pelvis, so you might want to think of the ramifications of miscommunication about what part is being touched.
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May 30, 2020 20:21
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My 4yo right now: "Daddy? I think Baby Yoda grows up to be that green guy--Shrek!"
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Jun 2, 2020 14:30
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https://twitter.com/KidsWriteJokes/status/1271126038710542336?s=20 powerful Fleta energy from this post
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Jun 11, 2020 18:06
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I told my daughter that I was working on getting less fat. She says "Daddy, you're not fat, your thick."
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Jun 12, 2020 00:41
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omnibobb posted:I told my daughter that I was working on getting less fat. She says "Daddy, you're not fat, your thick." *thicc 
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Jun 12, 2020 02:28
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Pastry of the Year posted:https://twitter.com/KidsWriteJokes/status/1271126038710542336?s=20 lmaooooo too true!
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Jun 12, 2020 07:53
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_edfxrfwjpA
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Jun 12, 2020 15:00
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https://twitter.com/thehouseofpod/status/1271822897644879872?s=21
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Jun 13, 2020 17:36
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8 year old nephew, talking about his little brother. "It's like we're pancakes, but I got all the chocolate chips."
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Jun 14, 2020 21:42
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I'd watch the poo poo out of that movie.
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Jun 15, 2020 00:48
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From this morning. My daughter was sitting at the table, happily flattening some yellow Play-Doh with her various Play-Doh tools. She then placed it on her hand and walked over to my wife. Daughter: "Mommy, look! I made a puppet!" Wife: "Wow! That's a great puppet, honey!" Daughter: "Eat it!" (Wife and I die of laughter)
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Jun 15, 2020 15:17
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This reminds me of a podcast where the hosts talked about a villain with the power to make you poo poo your pants, putting the hero in danger of being wiped out of existence because he can't be shown making GBS threads his pants.
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Jun 15, 2020 16:21
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'Can we go on the playground ?' "No buddy. It's closed because of coronavirus, remember?" 'I think coronavirus is over!' "Sorry buddy, it's not over." 'Sorry, it is.'
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Jun 19, 2020 15:27
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Hopes Fall posted:'Can we go on the playground ?' My friend at my old school had one kid inform everyone that it's "Roma virus" because it came to Spain from Italy.
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Jun 19, 2020 15:38
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Hopes Fall posted:'Can we go on the playground ?' Congratulations on your buddy’s cabinet position!
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Jun 19, 2020 15:51
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I seriously almost replied, 'OK, Trump'. Edited hours later: this kid really *is* Trump. I went to give him a bubble bath and this happened: "The bubbles make the water taste like chocolate." 'Yum! What happens if you eat the chocolate?' "You get the biggest penis in the world!" Hopes Fall has a new favorite as of 20:45 on Jun 19, 2020 |
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Jun 19, 2020 16:19
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https://twitter.com/hollyanderson/status/1274463502623801346?s=21
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Jun 20, 2020 23:16
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https://twitter.com/KidsWriteJokes/status/1275519547173416961
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Jun 23, 2020 21:14
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I don't know what to think about the fact that I could see any number of lovely sitcoms actually make that joke.
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Jun 24, 2020 00:05
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https://twitter.com/jungleland/status/1190040501023625217?s=21
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Jun 25, 2020 06:24
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