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blunt posted:the I like turtles kid I choose to take this literally
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Mar 25, 2021 05:21
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blunt posted:To be fair there's also a wrestling dentist, a butcher and his kinky friends, a woman who believes she's an alien, a woman who believes she's a zombie, Tarzan and his large adult dinosaur, a goofy cult, a drunk cowboy, the I like turtles kid, a wrestler who hates having to wrestle, whatever Matt Hardy is doing this week, a stable of twitch streamers and however you'd describe the lucha bros. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7xTMibYPlg
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Mar 25, 2021 12:19
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Eclipse12 posted:New Raw Report tomorrow probably. Work's been busy but I start a vacation tomorrow I want two Or I'll suplex you
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Mar 25, 2021 14:15
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Chief McHeath posted:I want two What TYPE of suplex? I need to know the stakes. Also, I think after one more Raw Report is time for King Of The Ring
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Mar 25, 2021 15:12
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Eclipse12 posted:King  For starters, I'm realizing that embarassingly, I must have been necessarily a bit older than I thought I'd have been when I saw it, considering the investment I would have in it during the following years.
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Mar 25, 2021 16:17
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My Lovely Horse posted:The 1993 King of the Ring is the very first wrestling I ever saw. I'll probably have a thing or two to say too I admit I was never a big KotR fan. They don't have time to do a proper tournament. By the mid 90s it was what... you could do two matches and win? I guess in the 1993 there were four starting matches so the winner will need at least 3 matches, which is a bit better. If you follow all the weekly shows you get a bigger picture of the tournament but that's a lot to ask the audience. I guess early WWF tried big tourneys in PPV but it took forever and wore out the fighters. I guess my point is I was a Royal Rumble kid. Screw the bracket, get all them sumbitches in the ring at the same time!
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Mar 25, 2021 16:51
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Real turd of a MONDAY NIGHT RAW tonight! Raw Report: June 07, 1993  Tonight on Top Gear   Shawn Michaels kisses a man  A guy in a tie looks confused  and a Samoan eats an ice cream ..............................  Opener shows Michaels coming in as Intercontinental Champion. I thought Jannetty won that from him??? What the poo poo is going on? Are they gonna explain it? No? Okay. Instead he's gonna Oh, I guess he won a weekend match to reclaim his belt. Poor Jannetty.   Why would you clutch your throat in pain after a swinging neckbreaker? Do your research, Greenberg!  "Back on top of the world!" yells Macho Man, after watching Michaels beat a guy who probably made $150 for this fight.  Oh, and Michaels now has a bodyguard? I feel like I recognize him but sometimes I'm face-blind. Is that Diesel/Nash? It looks like him ...............................  "This is one pay-per-view event you can't possibly miss!" Did you hear that? DID YOU HEAR THAT?! YOU CAN'T MISS IT! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE, YOU CAN'T! I'M BEGGING YOU! DON'T LET IT HAPPEN! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE OH NO PLEASE OH NO DON'T LET IT HAPPEN ............................... You know how modern wrestling has long storylines that build towards PPVs? Grudges, shenanigans, rematches, feuds.  In 1993 it's just like, hey, Michaels is gonna fight Crush for the Intercontinental Title because, um, because they haven't fought recently? ...............................  And on that note, we interrupt this Raw Report to tell you Michaels is now yelling at McMahon because he's fighting Crush. Some manufactured drama. Interestingly, him yelling at McMahon is kind of off-brand for WWF at this time, who downplay McMahon's ownership status and usually aim the "angry rants" stuff at rarely-seen company president Jack Tunney.  Oh, and Michaels refers to his new bodyguard (who, in close-up, is definitely Kevin Nash) as the Great Wall of China. ...............................  We haven't seen El Matador in a hot minute and we also get our second look at ADAM BOMB.  ADAM BOMB, bitches!  He had yellow eyes! So help me God, yellow eyes!  "I don't remember anyone getting up from that flyin' jalepeno" quips Heenan.  What's the timing on accidentally screenshotting a flashbulb?  No context   Pretty impressive. ADAM BOMB launches himself from behind the ropes all the way to the center of the ring. For such a big guy that's pretty cool. .................................  New-to-Raw Peter Weeks puts on his best spanx and jobs for Tatanka. He looks like the uncle from The Goldbergs.   Peter Weeks is not a good wrestler. He is wheezing for air and missing his spots. In the above screenshot he's reaching his arm out for a hip throw about ten feet before Tatanka reaches him. He's slow, awkward, and gots no energy. But he can get chopped, so Tatanka does what he does best. "That just shows me why they sold Manhattan for 24 bucks" says Heenans in his second racist reference of the night. "You shouldn't say that, brother, you'll get yourself in big trouble," scolds Macho Man. ..................................  Jerry "The King" Lawler does his heel routine. I love Lawler but his prime was as a commentator, not a wrestler. Still, he knows how to piss of a NY crowd: "[In New York] I found out the most common housepet is a cockroach on a leash." "You paint your trashcans red and yellow so your kids think they're eating at McDonald's" drat, Lawler. drat!  "Shut up with that Hogan mess!" Lawler yells at the crowd  Rodney from California comes out with Harry from Hawaii who claims Rodney eats 30 pounds of rice and 100 pounds of meat per day, and I gotta say, I'm not sure I believe that's true. ..................................  In what might be the only good match of the night [editor's note: it wasn't] , we have a mixed tag team showdown of Dumbass Billy Gun and Rick Steiner squaring off against not-yet-Rikishi and IRS.  Fun fact: Yokozuna was related to Samu and his dad, Afu. Now Afu is eating money because anyone who's not part of the Nation of Aryan Domination is written as pants-on-head stupid in 1993 WWF.  Even the Steinerliner is having trouble getting me amped up :/  There appear to be a lot of bloodstains in the ring but nobody has been cut. Maybe shitstains?  Cut to commercial right as Money Inc and Headshrinkers start to feud with each other in the middle of the match. Where's my bingo card?  Money Inc wins but whatever. They kept pulling away from the action. ...............................  Ray-zer, Ruh-moan shows up and is offering Sean Waltman $7,500 plus his Boglins collection if they can have a rematch, please. Lol, the episode ends mid-sentence of Razor's promo. .............................. Okay, this was a rough one. I have very low standards and am easily entertained, and just nostalgia and cheesiness will do most of my heavy lifting, but let me say this Raw was weak. Just too much nonsense. I couldn't focus on the fights. Not that they were very good. Even the tag team matchup was very "meh." I'm also starting to feel the effects of their relatively small roster and half-baked conflicts. Unlike the Attitude era where they spent a lot of time on storylines and developing relationships between characters, the small pool they have to work with and fairly brief storylines means you get random matchups that have no run-up or payoff. Or they just create a brief feud out of nothing. This guy hates that guy because, for no reason, unprovoked, he insulted his grandmother! Next week Marty Jannetty will fight Doink. Why? What's to gain? Why should I care? Jannetty still has beef with Michaels and we still need the final showdown between Crush and Doink, so why are they squaring off? Just because they haven't done so yet? Even the mixed tag team was an example of that. There aren't a lot of tag teams and they've matched up in most logical ways so now they're forced to start swapping partners? The Smoking Gunns have only had two matches in Raw, both against jobbers, and already they're having them mix partners instead of giving them a decent fight (hint: because they don't have a lot of options and need to save some). And why would Money Inc even partner with Headshrinkers? Where's the logic in that? They're night and day and DiBiase wouldn't consider them his equals enough to partner with. Booooooo! Boooooo! Hisss! Booo! Anyhow, next time it's King of the Ring. Eclipse12 fucked around with this message at 22:48 on Mar 25, 2021 |
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Mar 25, 2021 22:22
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spaceblancmange posted:I choose to take this literally 
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Mar 25, 2021 23:13
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Lol, it's so funny to see these reports where Vince is pretending to be an announcer instead of being the owner. Now that he has unleashed his insanity on the world, it's hard to ever go back and consider him just to be an interviewer/color guy rather than the Higher Power.
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Mar 25, 2021 23:19
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Fortunately turtles kid knows how to make a fun video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnsJmJ90u9U
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Mar 26, 2021 00:02
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He also makes a lot of really lovely ones though
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Mar 26, 2021 01:31
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Bogus Adventure posted:Lol, it's so funny to see these reports where Vince is pretending to be an announcer instead of being the owner. 
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Mar 26, 2021 19:17
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Eclipse12 if you said that about Lawler anywhere in Tennessee you'd likely not make it out alive. Elvis and Lawyer are literal GODS if Memphis. USWA match results were on featured on the 6pm news for God's sake.
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Mar 26, 2021 19:58
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Bonzo posted:Eclipse12 if you said that about Lawler anywhere in Tennessee you'd likely not make it out alive. Elvis and Lawyer are literal GODS if Memphis. USWA match results were on featured on the 6pm news for God's sake. Hah! I didn't know that. I could tell there was some prominence behind Lawler but I never knew what. That's awesome. I guess my WWF experience features Lawler + JR on commentary so heavily its hard to take wrestling Lawler seriously. I know him almost entirely from his announcing so it still looks weird seeing him in the ring. I will say, the way he just endlessly insults people is awesome, but that's just another reason he needs a microphone and not a wrestling match.
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Mar 26, 2021 21:29
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Eclipse12 posted:Hah! I didn't know that. I could tell there was some prominence behind Lawler but I never knew what. That's awesome. Youtube is full of his Memphis and AWA matches. He's a babyface (always called Jerry "The King" Lawler) and talks and acts completely different and but still has some great promos. Anything with Austin Idol, Bill Dundee, and Tommy Rich are some good feuds. Plus you get to hear Lance Russell and Dave Brown call the matches. It was never acknowledged by the WWF but there was a cross promotion with the USWA where Vince was heel and claimed he would dethrone Lawler as "King" and then Macho Man and Owen Hart showed up for a week or two. Anyway, I love watching his matches but the man is a HUGE sex pest and rapist.
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Mar 26, 2021 22:48
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Bonzo posted:Anyway, I love watching his matches but the man is a HUGE sex pest and rapist. Also pedophile, don't forget pedophile
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Mar 26, 2021 22:52
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Rarity posted:Also pedophile, don't forget pedophile Big TIME. The man's motto is pretty much, "I keep gettin' older and they stay the same age". He was supposed to have a big match with the Hart family at Survivor Series one year but had to bow out as he was facing charges of raping a 15-year-old girl.
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Mar 26, 2021 22:58
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Mar 26, 2021 23:05
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Rarity posted:Also pedophile, don't forget pedophile Lalalala I can't hear you lalalala
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Mar 26, 2021 23:05
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Rarity posted:Also pedophile, don't forget pedophile Bonzo posted:Big TIME. The man's motto is pretty much, "I keep gettin' older and they stay the same age".  No wonder Lawler is such a good heel. He's a literal piece of poo poo.
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Mar 26, 2021 23:06
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This is why I try not to Google anything for my reports
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Mar 26, 2021 23:18
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Eclipse12 posted:Lalalala I can't hear you lalalala Please don't ignore credible accusations of pedophilia
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Mar 26, 2021 23:18
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His autobiography is very interesting but has some really huge red flags that make you consider if you even want to finish it. The chapters about his marriage to Stacy Carter (Kat) are eye opening.
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Mar 26, 2021 23:19
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Rarity posted:Please don't ignore credible accusations of pedophilia Nah, I don't, trust me, I'll remember it every time I see him now 
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Mar 26, 2021 23:25
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If it helps you can envision him jerking off into women's shoes that he would steal.
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Mar 26, 2021 23:29
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It doesn't help, thanks
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Mar 26, 2021 23:33
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I forget the exact details, but wasn't there a wrestler back in the Memphis days who hated Lawler, and basically burned every bridge he had by alluding to Lawler's pending case involving a young teenaged girl, during a promo he was cutting on live TV?
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Mar 26, 2021 23:42
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He'll be an esteemed senator from Tennessee in ten years or less.
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Mar 27, 2021 00:15
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It's worth noting for context that those charges got dropped against him, whatever that's worth, but let that take nothing away from the time that Lawler tried to hit on AJ Lee during her guest commentary spot and she replies on live TV with a disgusted and slightly-too-genuine, "Jerry, I'm twenty-six... don't you think I'm a little too old for you?" And then they swiftly moved on, since there wasn't much more left to say after that
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Mar 27, 2021 03:12
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FullLeatherJacket posted:It's worth noting for context that those charges got dropped against him, whatever that's worth, but let that take nothing away from the time that Lawler tried to hit on AJ Lee during her guest commentary spot and she replies on live TV with a disgusted and slightly-too-genuine, "Jerry, I'm twenty-six... don't you think I'm a little too old for you?" 
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Mar 27, 2021 04:34
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jim cornette
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Mar 27, 2021 06:30
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FullLeatherJacket posted:It's worth noting for context that those charges got dropped against him, whatever that's worth,
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Mar 27, 2021 07:35
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Lol, AJ Lee is a legend
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Mar 27, 2021 08:29
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It's nice to know Lawler will die before I do.
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Mar 27, 2021 08:41
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Here's a clip of this beautiful moment
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Mar 27, 2021 09:03
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Lmao at how quickly Lawler shuts up
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Mar 27, 2021 11:16
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frankenfreak posted:"Never convicted in a court of law" is one hell of a take to have on this here site considering its previous owner. Oh yeah, that's very much for the benefit of those following along at home and at some point Jonathan Frakes looks directly at camera and explains that maybe only you can decide Somehow I suspect that Peacock will cut the segment from 1996 where Lawler cuts an angry promo where he calls Goldust a slur on national television. You know, because while it's certainly true that he decided almost immediately after returning from a serious child sex allegation that a cool gimmick for a commentary guy to have would be "basically the rear end-to-rear end guy from Requiem For A Dream, but for women's wrestling", that doesn't mean he'll just stand back and allow a grown man to run around in women's clothes like some sort of gross sex pervert
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Mar 27, 2021 14:09
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It sounds like Peacock is editing pretty heavily, and given the amount of offensive material, the average Raw/Smackdown runtime will probably now clock in at about 7 minutes.
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Mar 27, 2021 14:21
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FullLeatherJacket posted:It's worth noting for context that those charges got dropped against him, whatever that's worth, but let that take nothing away from the time that Lawler tried to hit on AJ Lee during her guest commentary spot and she replies on live TV with a disgusted and slightly-too-genuine, "Jerry, I'm twenty-six... don't you think I'm a little too old for you?" did he move on? https://twitter.com/AndyMaiden86/status/838669264575938560 Also https://nypost.com/2017/03/06/jerry-lawler-retweets-story-on-his-1993-arrest-for-sodomy-rape/ quote:At the time, the Tennessee native was accused of raping a teenage girl and intimidating a witness. The charges, which were eventually dropped, came just 12 days before Lawler was scheduled to wrestle at Survivor Series. He was briefly removed from television following the incident.
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Mar 27, 2021 17:18
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Shinjobi posted:It's nice to know Lawler will die before I do. I mean, he already did.
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Mar 27, 2021 21:58
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