GarfieldEats: I have returned to what I love; cereal boxes and coloring

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > GarfieldEats: I have returned to what I love; cereal boxes and coloring

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Mimesweeper: Mar 11, 2009; Smellrose

yr new gurlfrand! posted:

https://i.imgur.com/KWzj8gu.mp4

# ? May 30, 2021 04:26

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# ? May 25, 2024 07:01

Frank Frank: Jun 13, 2001; Mirrored

astronautism posted:

Why is he so horny all the time

Relentless entertagement will do that to you

# ? May 30, 2021 04:32

Prettz: Sep 3, 2002

Big Beef City posted:

A team of scientists wearing lab coats approach Nathen's door, each with one hand supporting the newest model.
Nervous glances between them, they tentatively open the door. Before them at the desk, he sits resplendent in his One Orange Suit, as if expecting them, though this meeting was not announced.
"Let me see it, please!" He announces, anxiously.
"Sir, it's the latest prototype, we weren't sure if -"
"Come, come! Show me, you know I get so excited to see Him!" Nathen exclaims. "As excited as he ever is," thinks one of the men holding the platter "it never changes."
The team tentatively lowers the object onto the desk before Nathen, who grips his hands together in glee and licks his odd lips. Nearly tearing it away from them, he examines it, his hands run over its surface. Although it is a baking pan, made to resemble a cartoon cat, Nathen examines it with the wonder of an archeologist finding the object of his lifelong search, or a diamond cutter the largest stone creation he has wrought.
The light fades from his perfectly groomed face and the team backs away. Nathen stares through the pan and his brow furrows.
"The eyes..."
"Sir, the eyes, they're what you-"
"THE EYES!" he bellows, standing up suddenly. Nathen bashes the pan against his desk, startling the team members into backing against the far wall of the office.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIS EYES! NO! NO!" At this, he hammers the pan against the desk again. Again. Now he takes it and crushes it against bended knee, but this does nothing. With a series of grunts and the disheveling of his bright orange tie, he tries again to end this newest failure. He throws the pan to the assembled team. One of the men, a balding, thin man with glasses, stoops to pick it up in silence, and quietly, in a slight motion, bends the pan over his own knee. Without either making eye-contact, he hands it back to Nathen, who hurls it into a far corner with the others. Dozens, maybe more failures litter the floor.
"THIS!" Nathen screams, pointing to a portrait of Garfield, identical in every way to the now destroyed pan, "This is what I am asking from you! This..." He trails off, caressing the portrait "...is purrfect."
"But sir, we -"
"LEAVE US NOW!"

# ? May 30, 2021 05:07

Skyscraper Raccoon: Jun 12, 2018; Started from the bottom, now we here

Knormal posted:

Alright, whoever bought this out yourself so we can shame you.

Frank Frank posted:

I am a goddamned prophet (and no, it wasn't me)

Edit: I tried watching that and got as far as "Yes Richard, I have stairs in my house" before I slapped my computer closed. That was about 10 seconds in.

Double Edit: Oh ok, that was pretty much all of it. So yeah, someone bought a cameo. Whoever did this, I am disappointed in the script. This was not entertaging at all.

Duckman2008 posted:

I didn�t listen to the audio because it�s late and I don�t want to bother my wife, but if he�s referencing stairs and says �I hope SA doesn�t stand for Saudi Arabia� then that was early in this thread.

It was extremely funny because whomever put him up to it didn�t click that SA would mean Saudi Arabia to him (i wouldn�t have put it tougher either).

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3884709&userid=99627#post498809423

# ? Jun 1, 2021 17:32

Drunk Nerds: Jan 25, 2011; Just close your eyes; Fun Shoe

Eh, Thots and Prayers is one of my all-time fav posters, so I'm gonna consider this effort good until I am brutally, mercilessly shown to be wrong.

# ? Jun 2, 2021 05:28

Escape From Noise: Jul 27, 2004

Drunk Nerds posted:

Eh, Thots and Prayers is one of my all-time fav posters, so I'm gonna consider this effort good until I am brutally, mercilessly shown to be wrong.

They were good posts. Lol. Didn't realize this thread started a year and a half ago.

# ? Jun 2, 2021 05:36

Mega64: May 23, 2008; I took the octopath less travelered,

And it made one-eighth the difference.

I will always treasure T&P for their book reviews, including one of Nathen's in this very thread a long time back.

# ? Jun 2, 2021 21:19

Knormal: Nov 11, 2001

Skyscraper Raccoon posted:

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3884709&userid=99627#post498809423

Huh, I must have blocked that from my memory, for evident reasons.

# ? Jun 2, 2021 21:43

Agent Escalus: Oct 5, 2002; "I couldn't stop saying aloud how miscast Jim Carrey was!"

So that you could re-live it again for the first time?

# ? Jun 3, 2021 00:22

Knormal: Nov 11, 2001

Agent Escalus posted:

So that you could re-live it again for the first time?

Relive what again for the first time?

# ? Jun 3, 2021 00:45

crazy eyes mustafa: Nov 30, 2014

Just a small pro Saudi Arabia forum :kiddo:

# ? Jun 3, 2021 19:29

wynott dunn: Aug 9, 2006; What is to be done?

Who or what can challenge, and stand a chance at beating, the corporate juggernauts dominating the world?

crazy eyes mustafa posted:

Just a small pro Saudi Arabia forum

# ? Jun 3, 2021 20:00

deedee megadoodoo: Sep 28, 2000; Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one to Flavortown, and that has made all the difference.

is that you Nathen?

https://twitter.com/jaynooch/status/1407323008675594247?s=19

# ? Jun 22, 2021 20:10

Killingyouguy!: Sep 8, 2014

Lmao is our guy offloading old stock on food banks

https://twitter.com/GarfieldEATSco/status/1407417024402296835?s=19

# ? Jun 22, 2021 20:25

The Alchemist: Dec 12, 2010; Can't post for 7 hours!

Garfield lasagna is back? Was it ever gone?? Then what has scooby doo to do with anything???

# ? Jun 22, 2021 21:24

Knormal: Nov 11, 2001

That led me to check what the various Twitters have been up to, apparently Nathen's making an autobiographical Broadway musical.

https://twitter.com/nathenmazri/status/1404938492333993986

# ? Jun 22, 2021 21:25

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

Frankly I'm excited for that too.

# ? Jun 22, 2021 21:27

EL BROMANCE: Jun 10, 2006; COWABUNGA DUDES!
🥷🐢😬

I would give everything to see this guy buy his way into a full Broadway production about his life.

# ? Jun 22, 2021 21:27

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

EL BROMANCE posted:

I would give everything to see this guy buy his way into a full Broadway production about his life.

God yes

# ? Jun 22, 2021 22:31

sharknado slashfic: Jun 24, 2011

Big Beef City posted:

Frankly I'm excited for that too.

# ? Jun 22, 2021 22:38

Mega64: May 23, 2008; I took the octopath less travelered,

And it made one-eighth the difference.

Garfield Eats: The untold story of a cartoon licensing man.

# ? Jun 22, 2021 23:07

Elephant Ambush: Nov 13, 2012; ...We sholde spenden more time together. What sayest thou?; Nap Ghost

Killingyouguy! posted:

Lmao is our guy offloading old stock on food banks

https://twitter.com/GarfieldEATSco/status/1407417024402296835?s=19

He uses hashtags the way pudding brain boomers use fully capitalized words

Knormal posted:

That led me to check what the various Twitters have been up to, apparently Nathen's making an autobiographical Broadway musical.

https://twitter.com/nathenmazri/status/1404938492333993986

The Untold Story - yeah no poo poo because nobody wants to hear it

Inspired By True Events - translation: completely made up

Also this guy has no other facial expressions except for the "shocked face that every single youtuber puts into their thumbnails to try to maximize views"

# ? Jun 22, 2021 23:14

Frank Frank: Jun 13, 2001; Mirrored

Starving people hurling themselves off of cliffs before eating garfsagna

# ? Jun 22, 2021 23:17

pseudanonymous: Aug 30, 2008; When you make the second entry and the debits and credits balance, and you blow them to hell.

Mega64 posted:

Garfield Eats: The untold story of a cartoon licensing man.

Lol untold.

He self published an autobiography and spent thousands on it and spends tons on marketing and hiring interviewers and stuff.

The overly told story of a rich failson emerging from his gilded closet through an obsession with cartoons.

# ? Jun 23, 2021 00:35

Blue Moonlight: Apr 28, 2005; Bitter and Sarcastic

You fools! This is proof that Nathen Mazri has actually acquired the food merchandising rights to Cats (2019), making him the youngest Cats (2019) licensee on the planet.

Will you enjoy the Jellicle Cat Hot Dog? The Heaviside Layer Hamburger? Or the Big Cow Lasagne? All #farm2plate #healthy #food!

# ? Jun 23, 2021 00:48

BigBadSteve: Apr 29, 2009

Knormal posted:

That led me to check what the various Twitters have been up to, apparently Nathen's making an autobiographical Broadway musical.

https://twitter.com/nathenmazri/status/1404938492333993986

Holy gently caress what a massive ego.

I predict a one twentieth full theatre where every audience member has come to laugh at Nathen.

# ? Jun 23, 2021 01:17

Mimesweeper: Mar 11, 2009; Smellrose

EL BROMANCE posted:

I would give everything to see this guy buy his way into a full Broadway production about his life.

# ? Jun 23, 2021 01:21

Mimesweeper: Mar 11, 2009; Smellrose

actually i'd give everything to see the behind the scenes story. imagine all the actually talented broadway people who have to deal with this jackass because its easy money

# ? Jun 23, 2021 01:22

Blue Moonlight: Apr 28, 2005; Bitter and Sarcastic

If the plot of The Producers happened in real life, it wouldn�t result in �Springtime for Hitler: A Gay Romp With Adolf and Eva at Berchtesgaden�. It would produce �Nathen Mazri�s World Musical: Inspired by True Events.�

# ? Jun 23, 2021 02:15

The Alchemist: Dec 12, 2010; Can't post for 7 hours!

Cant wait the musical about a guy's life who spent his youth eating diazepam and watching Oprah. Hope the songs are as good as the 'Feed me, don't leave me' single.

# ? Jun 23, 2021 02:40

Agent Escalus: Oct 5, 2002; "I couldn't stop saying aloud how miscast Jim Carrey was!"

Blue Moonlight posted:

You fools! This is proof that Nathen Mazri has actually acquired the food merchandising rights to Cats (2019), making him the youngest Cats (2019) licensee on the planet.

Will you enjoy the Jellicle Cat Hot Dog? The Heaviside Layer Hamburger? Or the Big Cow Lasagne? All #farm2plate #healthy #food!

#RELEASETHEBUTTHOLECUT

(of beef!)

# ? Jun 23, 2021 04:43

Zeniel: Oct 18, 2013

Christ this guy is some kind of golem brought to life by marketing execs.

# ? Jun 23, 2021 11:40

Lieutenant Dan: Oct 27, 2009; Weedlord Bonerhitler

Blue Moonlight posted:

If the plot of The Producers happened in real life, it wouldn�t result in �Springtime for Hitler: A Gay Romp With Adolf and Eva at Berchtesgaden�. It would produce �Nathen Mazri�s World Musical: Inspired by True Events.�

And I would attend, and I would have a great time, and I would tell all my friends (especially as I run up and down the aisles at intermission laughing "it's a comedy! it's a comedy!!" in relief)

# ? Jun 23, 2021 12:56