(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
|
Uganda Loves Me posted:I had some very triggering things happen all at once, and ended up checking into a 23-hour mental health urgent care for the night. I stayed about as long as they allowed me. It was a pretty miserable experience until the end, when I got to video chat with a great psychiatrist. I feel like I have some direction. I also chatted with a couple peers. After hearing their experiences in this miserable hellworld, I feel like a spoiled brat leading a charmed existence. I'm doing my best to reach out to my parents, and I've received tons of positive comments from extended family on facebook about my writing. I didn't realize just how much anxiety was loving up my life until yesterday. I bumped up a medication, which should help with depression and anxiety. I can't stand specifically anti-anxiety meds. I also spoke to a couple social workers who didn't seem all that great. I didn't even realize one was a social worker until the next day when I asked when I'd get to see one. The other one seemed to be too big on toxic positivity, and tried to convince me there's no downside to telling everyone about my mental illness. I get that she was trying to set me on a good path with the limited time we had together, but that didn't seem like a good approach. When I was done talking about the effects of stigma and the prognosis of people with anosognosia and a serious diagnosis, I thought she was going to cry. I felt bad about that, and it makes me wonder how well I'd handle someone like me. On telling your people about your mental health I can say I've never hidden those aspects of myself from the people in my life (for better or worse) and my advise is they will make as big of a deal out of it as you do; you might need to wait for the right moment but it's ok to be real with the people in your life but not be reaching out for help. Jorge Bell posted:That idiot fucker is bringing poo poo into the room with him, and it's causing you to second guess what you're saying and analyze his little comments. You gotta get out of there dude that space is not for you anymore he's stealing it from you Personal poo poo: I'm not sure where else to post this but posters itt will probably understand how I feel. I'm a general contractor and some of my clients have rental suites that are in borderline slum condition, on occasion they will have me visit one to asses a tenant complaint; and the one I saw the other day has me a little upset. Typical poo poo, the kitchen counter is rotten completely around the sink and one of the basins is rusted out at the drain. The shower enclosure is cracked and broken all over; the mixing valve is damaged making most of the water come out around the handle preventing pressure from making it up to the shower head. There is moderate moisture damage all over the house from the exterior cladding installed in the 70's failing all over. The client want's me to repair this stuff just so its working again (the tenant looked like he was going to cry) I told him it would all need to be replaced with new components or the municipality would have words with him if the tenant called them. There's no winners though; no home for the tenant, no rent for the landlord, no work for me. I just hope he will let me do the work that's needed. TLDR: Sometimes landlords want me to do the bare minimum in there slums and I'd rather shutter my company. Slumlord snipe
|
#
?
Sep 19, 2021 18:55
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 24, 2024 13:19 |
|
|
Seatbelts posted:Slumlord snipe Thank you. My parents have responded so poorly to my mental health struggles that I didn't expect anyone to react positively. Extended family and friends are giving an outpouring of care. I may share about my 24 hour urgent care stay on facebook. I'm thinking about it. I thought I pissed off the local NAMI board, but they want to publish my stuff in the newsletter. Except for my mom yelling at me, being open has been a very positive experience. After hearing the horror stories of peers from the urgent care facility, being yelled at doesn't actually seem very bad. I'm sorry the slumlord's exploitation of their tenants has fallen on you to deal with. You sound like you really want to do the right thing, but it's mostly out of your control.
|
|
#
?
Sep 19, 2021 19:55
|
|
|
People tell us we should be happy on our own. After living in isolation for years, I can say this doesn't work well for me. I'm tired of feeling alone and isolated the majority of my waking hours. I'm tired of remembering what it was like to be happy or feel loved, as these thoughts amplify the feeling that there's so much missing. I feel hollow and exhausted. I really wish I knew whatever secret it took to have a good life. This is very far from that.
|
|
#
?
Sep 19, 2021 22:16
|
|
|
What's it called when you're really fixated on something and it's keeping you from operating normally? Every 10 days or so I get a night where I can't fall asleep because I keep mentally getting caught up in some emotional poo poo from years ago. I use screen time to get my mind off things until I'm so tired I pass out, often into the late morning of the following day. It fucks up my sleep schedule and I've missed things that are important to me because of this issue. Just want to know what to say when I do seek help. TIA.
|
|
#
?
Sep 20, 2021 06:59
|
|
|
Jorge Bell posted:What's it called when you're really fixated on something and it's keeping you from operating normally? Every 10 days or so I get a night where I can't fall asleep because I keep mentally getting caught up in some emotional poo poo from years ago. I use screen time to get my mind off things until I'm so tired I pass out, often into the late morning of the following day. It fucks up my sleep schedule and I've missed things that are important to me because of this issue. Just want to know what to say when I do seek help. TIA. Sounds like anxiety, caused by your intrusive thoughts  Sorry to hear. I also also cope with my anxiety in a similar way! Lighty screen, no think, no bad thoughts 😎
|
|
#
?
Sep 20, 2021 07:27
|
|
|
Jorge Bell posted:What's it called when you're really fixated on something and it's keeping you from operating normally? Every 10 days or so I get a night where I can't fall asleep because I keep mentally getting caught up in some emotional poo poo from years ago. I use screen time to get my mind off things until I'm so tired I pass out, often into the late morning of the following day. It fucks up my sleep schedule and I've missed things that are important to me because of this issue. Just want to know what to say when I do seek help. TIA. I usually call it rumination: https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/mental-health/rumination/ (just something that came up on google). It's something I've had a really hard time with. I feel like I have some control over it, which just ends up making me feel worse because I think I'm responsible for it. When it's bad, it's like I'm trapped in a time warp. A thought comes up, and it just recirculates in my mind, growing stronger and stronger. I may break out of the daze and realize a bunch of time has passed. Medication can help, but there are some techniques that help me. The first step is being aware of what's happening. If I don't realize what's happening, then I can't stop it. If I'm in bed, then I pretty much need to get up if I've been ruminating for some period of time. Writing is an incredible help to me. Holy poo poo was I having a bad time at that mental health urgent care on Friday. There was nothing to do but watch tv. They had like 8 books on the book shelf, some crayons (nothing to actually write on), and some puzzles missing pieces. Apparently they forgot to give me a therapy appointment, so I just spent about 16 hours inside my own head without any stimulation to sidetrack me. Almost all of my coping mechanisms were unavailable to me. I eventually just asked for paper (they gave me 1 whole sheet) and a pen in the middle of the night. I usually write a college-style essay in paragraphs. It ends up being stream of consciousness, and that's alright. This time I just took a personal inventory of every aspect of everything that was on my mind. A subject word, followed by a sentence or two on the topic. It was more like a series of notes or an outline than my usual essay. I didn't have the paper for an essay. I actually ended up learning a lot about myself and my circumstances. I identified a lot of my problems, provided evidence for and against various explanations and solutions, and made an honest evaluation of everyone close to me. It was incredibly helpful. Someone once told me that talking about something takes the power out of it. I feel like rumination is our inner monologue screaming for a solution to something that can never be changed. For me, even minor things become bigger and more influential on my mood and actions as I ruminate. It's a cycle that I need to break. I took an intensive outpatient cognitive behavioral therapy course years ago, and it gave me some tools to find a different perspective on the past. Some therapists often used it to prove to people that the things they worried about were not a very big deal. I don't like that approach. If it's affecting you, it's a big deal. Re-evaluating something can at least help you break the cycle, and may reveal new insights into something. I may find out that something was not as bad as I thought, or I may realize that something was even worse than I thought. Both are useful. In the process of writing, I give myself validation. I don't feel as guilty about worrying about something if I can prove that it's a big deal to myself. I can identify solutions to prevent the same thing from happening again. I can prepare myself for future conversations. I don't do great in arguments, but analyzing a situation helps me handle future conflict. I don't always have the time or resources available to write, though. In that case, I try to focus on deep breathing to reduce the anxiety. I use mindfulness to redirect my thoughts. I'll just focus on an object in the room, and describe it in excruciating detail to myself. I try to figure out what's going on with my environment. At that urgent care center, I spent a lot of time in the break room to get away from people and the television. I looked at a couple paintings in there. One had thick layers of paint, and I tried to figure out where the brush strokes started and ended. I tried to figure out what colors were mixed. I tried to figure out what techniques were used to make something fade into the background, stand out in the foreground, denote motion, and any other aspect I could think of. I noticed and thought about all of the incongruities in my environment. There was a space for an electric oven, with a high amperage outlet and a fume hood. No oven. Was this break room designed for an office environment, then repurposed to be safer for peers? Did they just have the contractor build a standard break room kitchen, then remove the oven? Maybe there never was one. I thought about the fact that they trusted me with a glass container full of boiling water, but wouldn't trust me with the stick from my corndog. Were there cameras in the room? Did anyone have a line of sight on me? They obviously took steps to make the room safe for people who were going through a bad time. I concluded that it wouldn't have done much to stop a creative person, though. If looking at a screen helps break the cycle of rumination, then I say go for it. There are other options available, though. Find what works for you.
|
|
#
?
Sep 20, 2021 12:17
|
|
|
remember when I was posting about how I hosted a game night and I was irrationally worried everyone hated it? tried again yesterday and this time only my brother showed up
|
|
#
?
Sep 20, 2021 14:04
|
|
|
Yeah I've found that journalling has helped me a huge amount with rumination because it meant that I'd actually be able to read back over what I was writing and spot patterns, inconsistencies or prioritize poo poo. Doesn't solve problems with causes of course but does help me narrow it down from "everything is awful and I'm incompetent"
|
|
#
?
Sep 20, 2021 15:19
|
|
|
Journaling helps a ton
|
|
#
?
Sep 20, 2021 18:00
|
|
|
Gotta nth Journaling. Been doing it consistently since 2016 and it's incredibly useful to me. Especially the ability to flip back and see where I was mentally x months or years ago.
|
|
#
?
Sep 20, 2021 19:52
|
|
|
Was woken up at 5am today by my mom screaming and crying about how she was hot and couldn't sleep. I finally, blearily got up and turned on a fan, gave her some melatonin and calmed her down, then I went back to sleep. Only to wake up again to the same thing. Screaming and crying. She's lonely but she won't walk the quarter of a block to the library where she has friends (she was a librarian for over 25 years) or even just take the dog for a walk. No, she just screams at me. And I have to go in to work early to make up for the days I've left early to take care of her. So now I'm sitting here trying not to cry. I called her doctor and now I wait, hoping I can answer at work. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist but it's a month out and that was the soonest they could get in. My sister is too busy to talk. My aunt and uncle don't want to do anything. So here I sit. Day in and day out hoping desperately that someone could please help me. But they never do. I don't know what to do. I have nothing left to give. Every second of every day is taken by someone else. I'm not allowed to have a life. And the only certainty is that it will get worse.
|
|
#
?
Sep 20, 2021 20:05
|
|
|
CaptainACAB posted:Was woken up at 5am today by my mom screaming and crying about how she was hot and couldn't sleep. I finally, blearily got up and turned on a fan, gave her some melatonin and calmed her down, then I went back to sleep. I dunno where you are, but there might be respite services available. It might take a while to get approved and find someone, but you might be able to get someone to take over for 30-40 hours a month. Paid for by the state. In California, we have Regional Centers that help coordinate and pay for services that you need. If there's something like that wherever you are, there might be other options available. Hopefully there are social workers who will help through the process, too. It's so incredibly hosed that burdens like this fall on the only people who actually give a poo poo about others. I'm sorry you're going through this. You're well within your rights to put her in a home without any guilt. I know it's easier said than done, but you deserve to have a healthy home environment. If this degrades your mental state, you might not be able to take care of her or yourself. My PMs are open to anyone.
|
|
#
?
Sep 20, 2021 20:20
|
|
|
Uganda Loves Me posted:I dunno where you are, but there might be respite services available. It might take a while to get approved and find someone, but you might be able to get someone to take over for 30-40 hours a month. Paid for by the state. In California, we have Regional Centers that help coordinate and pay for services that you need. If there's something like that wherever you are, there might be other options available. Hopefully there are social workers who will help through the process, too. It's so incredibly hosed that burdens like this fall on the only people who actually give a poo poo about others. Unfortunately I live in South Dakota which is about as close to hell as you can get and I qualify for exactly 4 hours of respite services. And when the lady from the state came to tell me about them mom got furiously angry because she won't admit she needs help. The next step is getting her into a psychiatrist who can really help and knows what to do but living in hell means there's like 3 in the entire western half of this state and they're booked 3 months out. I just feel so trapped. If I abandon mom she'd starve. I have power of attorney but it's joint with my sister who is just catastrophically busy all the time and can't even talk about what we need to do. Her friends try, they really do, but she's beyond our help. She needs specialists.
|
|
#
?
Sep 20, 2021 20:25
|
|
|
Lol my wife's brain wants her to die and nothing works!
|
|
#
?
Sep 21, 2021 00:37
|
|
|
I told y'all about the journaling.
|
|
#
?
Sep 21, 2021 02:21
|
|
|
Current status: I was right the last time. Could really do without the nerve pain though.
|
|
#
?
Sep 21, 2021 14:41
|
|
|
Nthing journaling. I started keeping it really simple. I list one good thing about myself. I good thing about our house. Then, one good thing about sobriety. It's difficult some days but they say it rewires your brain meat and I think it's slowly maybe working.
|
|
#
?
Sep 24, 2021 15:49
|
|
|
I once tried journaling. Couldn't figure out what to write about. "Today i pretended to work and didn't clean, cook or exercise. Instead I spent time mindlessly watching streamers play video games I can't even bother with myself" Repeat x1000
|
|
#
?
Sep 24, 2021 16:03
|
|
|
"Today is one of those days where I can't avoid admitting my life is an unrelenting hell of pain, but I don't have to be sober about it."
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2021 00:17
|
|
|
Jesus shits getting bad mom just will not calm down now she spends at least 4 pr 5 hours a day crying and wailing about how sad and lonely she is. She obsessively calls her friends now and the second she gets off the phone she's back to wailing and crying. She has to have constant social interaction or she loses it. She also can't focus on anything. I think I might have her convinced she needs to go though. Which is good.
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2021 00:56
|
|
|
Jesus, I'm sorry ACAB. Does she have any church or therapists or close real life friends or other such folks that could come over and have a talk about all of this and the need to go?
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2021 02:56
|
|
|
Ronwayne posted:Jesus, I'm sorry ACAB. Does she have any church or therapists or close real life friends or other such folks that could come over and have a talk about all of this and the need to go? Have an appointment with the psychiatrist and the soonest they could get us in is October 13th. I'm going to call Monday to see if they can get it sooner but for now that's where she's at. When it comes to church she stopped going because one of her friends there died unexpectedly and it's got her hosed up.
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2021 04:27
|
|
|
sorry I am not caught up with the thread I've been pretty depressed lately. I don't have a lot of energy, willingness to go on and whatnot. can someone yell at me to call my doctor so I have some external motivation or something? I think my meds may need an update or I need to get yelled at edit: to be clear, no plans to harm myself or others, I'm just very sad limp dick calvin has issued a correction as of 04:57 on Sep 25, 2021 |
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2021 04:54
|
|
|
Talked to the therapist today and showed pictures of my folks house. he concurred "that's a hoarder thing" when i showed him the stacks and stacks of stuff surrounding the 3x2 meters of space i have He uh, basically told me that due to my inability to find permanent houseing elsewhere until/if SSI comes in i need to pretend i'm a biorobot at chernobyl and try to limit my toxic exposure to my parents by going in and out 
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2021 06:14
|
|
|
Consummate Professional posted:sorry I am not caught up with the thread my internet dude[tte] you know what you gotta do - get it done.
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2021 07:20
|
|
|
Consummate Professional posted:sorry I am not caught up with the thread You'll feel better after you do it, or at least you will definitely feel worse if you don't.
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2021 08:04
|
|
|
hey guys gals and nb's there is a cpsam feedback thread open right now but i also thought it's a good time to ask people here if they have any suggestions for this thread or its moderation. anything you'd like to see done differently or w/e or any questions etc. you can of course pm me or josherino if you don't want to post it here. that feedback thread is hilarious but a tad hostile so my only ask is that in here people be understanding and patient with each other.
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2021 08:44
|
|
|
One of the reasons I like this thread is we don't have to put on the usual rictus-grin punchy persona you do in most of the rest of c-spam. Part of why this thread helps is to just vent things completely earnestly.
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2021 10:00
|
|
|
I think the thread's in a pretty good place. A lot of us aren't in a good place, but this has been a safe space to talk about that. Not sure who wrote this thread title, though.
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2021 14:38
|
|
|
Ronwayne posted:One of the reasons I like this thread is we don't have to put on the usual rictus-grin punchy persona you do in most of the rest of c-spam. Part of why this thread helps is to just vent things completely earnestly. Agreed, I enjoy reading this thread it's a nice contrast to the insanity of cspam sometimes. Content: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYD-Gx_9K_M If you're new to mindfulness/mediation this video helped me understand the basic process. I could listen to this guy talk for hours.
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2021 14:45
|
|
|
Thanks everyone, you're right. I know what I need to do so I called the office and left a message for when they open on Monday.
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2021 16:07
|
|
|
Uganda Loves Me posted:I think the thread's in a pretty good place. A lot of us aren't in a good place, but this has been a safe space to talk about that. Not sure who wrote this thread title, though. i changed the title. was watching this and thought it fit the forums well https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7eg7F9MUkU
|
|
#
?
Sep 26, 2021 00:33
|
|
|
thehandtruck posted:i changed the title. was watching this and thought it fit the forums well Ah ok. For some reason I thought it was someone else making fun of the posters in this thread. I've just seen too many people making fun of others by calling them autistic on this site. As long as it was changed by... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCWUT8wkWCI&t=12s then that's cool.
|
|
#
?
Sep 26, 2021 04:03
|
|
|
Ronwayne posted:One of the reasons I like this thread is we don't have to put on the usual rictus-grin punchy persona you do in most of the rest of c-spam. Part of why this thread helps is to just vent things completely earnestly. Agreed - many of us here are awesome advocates for self-care. Self-care looks different for each and every one of us, but a little patience and understanding goes a long way.
|
|
#
?
Sep 26, 2021 21:35
|
|
|
Ronwayne posted:One of the reasons I like this thread is we don't have to put on the usual rictus-grin punchy persona you do in most of the rest of c-spam. Part of why this thread helps is to just vent things completely earnestly. It's a persona?
|
|
#
?
Sep 26, 2021 22:27
|
|
|
AceOfFlames posted:It's a persona? I will burn my dread about shitposting relentlessly.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2021 00:07
|
|
|
AceOfFlames posted:It's a persona? For many of us, yes. So when we feel we have to put on a fake act to keep up with the, uh, vivacity and high energy here in C-Spam which apparently comes naturally to other folks, it can get draining. We're so used to putting up a persona in real life to get along with others that it can be very draining to come online and have to do it elsewhere too. And at least for me, after a certain point seeing people really excited, and angry, and in despair can get contagious. I try to stay mindful that, when I post about a bad day that's happening elsewhere, I might be ruining the life of someone who is also marginal and near-the-edge. This is one of the reasons I enjoy the thread is everyone comes into it with the understanding this is a live bait shop and everyone is showing off their brainworms. Ronwayne has issued a correction as of 03:10 on Sep 27, 2021 |
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2021 03:05
|
|
|
had to take mom to urgent care yesterday because she was in the throes of what was basically a 3 day long panic attack. think i might have her calmed down a bit now so i can beg the psychiatrist to let us move up the appointment. her friends came to visit and at first she was pretty sleepy but she perked up significantly as the day went on. still some sundowning but i hope the drugs calm her down enough so she can actually sleep and not wake me up at 5AM. shits going to get interesting because the state may take the house to pay for this unless we can pull some stuff off? i dont know. im just fuckin tired now. going to make an appointment for myself too.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2021 08:09
|
|
|
loving hell. I'm glad some things are getting better though. I know you don't want to deal with more stuff but it might be time to start talking with an attorney about what assets in your state they cannot seize (residences and one car per person count here in Texas) and also as awful as it sounds, it might be time to start putting your mom's will/estate together. Not having that in order when she goes is going to make her loss even more traumatic.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2021 10:18
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 24, 2024 13:19 |
|
|
the cspam spectrum has gotten me I don't even click D&D anymore, and when I reflexively do it by mistake I think "oh poo poo I'm in The Bad Place" honestly, I think my mental health has improved as a response. I haven't been in a toxic argument on here or felt a need to buy someone redletters in weeks, and my stress level is lower when I can go check threads and not assume I'm going to have been castigated for expressing an earnest opinion (unless it's real bad, ofc, in which case, castigate away) CaptainACAB posted:had to take mom to urgent care yesterday because she was in the throes of what was basically a 3 day long panic attack. think i might have her calmed down a bit now so i can beg the psychiatrist to let us move up the appointment. her friends came to visit and at first she was pretty sleepy but she perked up significantly as the day went on. still some sundowning but i hope the drugs calm her down enough so she can actually sleep and not wake me up at 5AM. shits going to get interesting because the state may take the house to pay for this unless we can pull some stuff off? i dont know. im just fuckin tired now. going to make an appointment for myself too. My mom is a lifetime anxiety sufferer who has also been meditating for 55 years, and has been free of all medications since like the early 90s. She just asked her doctor for a PRN ativan script, because she's feeling "wits end" some days with all these loving idiots around her trying to kill her (double moderna'd, not crack/ping enough to go get a booster until there's a sanctioned moderna booster). I think she'll more carry the ativan around than use it, and, poo poo, I don't care, I take daily Klonopin to deal with life. But, I read it as a sign of the dark path we're on. This is someone who has been fine talking about the realities of her ongoing declining health and spiral towards death for years, very calmly. Cabbages and VHS has issued a correction as of 13:46 on Sep 27, 2021 |
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2021 13:42
|
|
