r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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Soylent Pudding: Jun 22, 2007; We've got people!

AITA for leaving when my sister was late, but pretending to be in the loo and repeatedly messaging that I'd be out soon?

quote:

My sister is always late. Like 1 or 2 hours late for a 2 person coffee in a shop. Recently, after a bunch of similar incidents that left me freezing in an outdoor train station for 1.5 hours with no messages, and many times having no idea where she was in a coffee place, I shouted at her and told her that this is not acceptable. She refused to acknowledge this and said I should just accept her for how she is and should not try to change her and break her integrity.

After this, a little later, we arranged to meet one day in a bar. Again she was late, but now, after 15 minutes, I went home. 2 hours later she turned up and messaged me with no apology but that she was there. I messaged back "I am in the toilet." I kept this charade going for an hour and even made her buy me a drink. It was fun. AITA for doing this?

Also, AITA if I tell her that I will not arrange to see her again unless you can be mostly in time?

# ? Oct 25, 2021 14:56

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# ? May 28, 2024 06:56

8one6: May 20, 2012; When in doubt, err on the side of Awesome!

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for leaving when my sister was late, but pretending to be in the loo and repeatedly messaging that I'd be out soon?

On behalf of everyone who has a habitually tardy friend I salute you OP.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 15:03

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

teen witch posted:

My hair is red probe incoming

???

???????????????????????????

edit: enhance

# ? Oct 25, 2021 15:06

Soylent Pudding: Jun 22, 2007; We've got people!

AITA for wearing sunglasses to my sister's wedding?

quote:

I (f26) have terrible eyesight (+5 in both eyes), meaning I have to wear glasses at all times unless I want to see the world as a blob. I've wore glasses since I was 7 years old.

On friday, I was walking my dog in a nearby forest trail as I always do and lost my footing causing my glasses to fall and break, I went to buy new ones but the store told me they'd be ready by monday.

Yesterday it was my sister's (f30) wedding, I was attending as a normal guest (we're not that close so i was not a maid of honor or anything) and I wore my sunglasses (with prescription) because they were the only thing I had available.

My sister threw a fit saying I was an attention seeker and was upstaging her and taking all the attention away. Yeah some close family was asking about the sunglasses but they all know i need glasses so when i explained the situation that was the end of it.

I don't see what the big deal is... My sister knows I don't wear contacts because I've always hated them and there's no way I can leave my house without glasses. I took them off for all pictures but she kept saying that people were staring at me instead of her.

She ended up making a big scene during her reception (yelling and cursing at me) and i just left with my husband, since then my mother has been bothering me to apologize to my sister as after her outburst, the party had a weird feeling and was kinda ruined.

So... AITA?

# ? Oct 25, 2021 15:08

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

What is it about being the literal center of attention that makes people seek out the most minor thing to flip out over and, thus, draw attention to that instead?

# ? Oct 25, 2021 15:18

blackmet: Aug 5, 2006; I believe there is a universal Truth to the process of doing things right (Not that I have any idea what that actually means).

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA I got mad at my wife because she caused me to fail an important interview

I get mad at my partner when he walks in unannounced to the den that I WFH in when the door is closed. It's irritating. Especially if I'm in a meeting where cameras have to be on.

Since I'm not married to this woman, I think I'll give him a hug, kiss, and apology. It could be so much worse.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 15:20

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Total Meatlove posted:

Can't even post 'cucked for the buck' 'cos a male elk is called a bull wtf america

That story is a load of cuck and bull.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 15:21

Zeeman: May 8, 2007; Say WHAT?! You KNOW that post is wack, homie!

therobit posted:

That story is a load of cuck and bull.

This thread has broken my brain, all I can think about after seeing those two words is Berth Ell Pup, I hope you're all happy

# ? Oct 25, 2021 15:28

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

Someone should repost that one. That's a nice trip down memory lane.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 15:36

spouse: Nov 10, 2008; When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.

blatman posted:

???

???????????????????????????

edit: enhance

# ? Oct 25, 2021 15:40

spouse: Nov 10, 2008; When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.

Malachite_Dragon posted:

Someone should repost that one. That's a nice trip down memory lane.

Utterly cursed classic.

My [28f] fiance's [31m] fetish is getting out of control, and it's ruining our wedding planning.

quote:

I'm using a throwaway account because I'm humiliated about how this has been going.

I have been seeing a wonderful man for two years now. About six months ago he proposed to me, and since then I've been elated. We have eagerly been planning our wedding and things seem to be clicking between us. I said yes to my dress, invited about 75 guests, and our wedding is set for this December.

Here's where things get complicated. My fiance enjoys the idea of me being with other men. And yes, before you ask, he is bisexual. We have played out this fantasy consistently over the past couple of years, and I enjoy it as well... for the most part. Some of the time I don't know what he's thinking with his requests. About a year ago, he asked me to "steal" his credit card and take my other boyfriend to an expensive restaurant, treat him to dinner, and then have sex with him in a good hotel. I did all of this and sent pictures. It drove him wild.

Gradually the fetish began to involve turning him into a "sissy." He would be very submissive around me during sexual times, and ask that I talk about my experiences with other men, past and present. Again, I obliged.

So, again, I don't mind at all. I'm sexually open minded and if it makes him happy, then I'm happy too. But now it's getting completely out of control, and is starting to leak into our wedding planning. He seems to be more excited about using this as a chance to get his rocks off than actually start a life with me.

For instance, early on, he asked if my other boyfriend could walk me down the aisle. Since my father is dead, I was planning on my brother doing it, but he wants my boyfriend to do it instead. Many of our guests know about the nature of our relationship so he said it wouldn't be a big deal, but it was just too weird for me to even consider. I put my foot down and said no. He reluctantly gave up on the idea, although my other boyfriend will be attending (the three of us are also good friends, so it's natural for him to be there).

Later on he suggested that on our wedding night, my boyfriend be the first person to have sex with me when married. He would be in the room, which is not usual but has happened before, and then cuddle up next to me when we were finished. I agreed to this because whatever, I want him to enjoy our wedding night too.

Today was too much. Our venue has a special service (I think it's special at least?) where during the ceremony and beginning of the reception, they will take a video, and then at the end of the reception show it on a big screen matched to music. We have a certain deal of freedom over how they'll arrange the end product, and while it's expensive, we both agreed that it would be a nice touch. At the very end of the credits though, when brainstorming a last goodbye comment, he suddenly suggested that the video end with something like "Now get to your hotel room and prep the bull you sissy."

I feel sick to my stomach. Has his fetish grown so out of control that he wants me to humiliate him in front of all of our friends and family for sexual gratification? He's never been this way, and I love him as much as ever before, but I need to put a stop to this soon and I don't even know how. He gets so excited when ideas like these come up and has gotten angry at me for saying "no" to his other wedding planning ideas too much.

tl;dr: Fiance and I are into hotwifing/roleplaying/sissy fantasizing, he wants to involve this in the wedding, what do I do?

[Update] My [28f] fiance's [31m] fetish is growing out of control. We talked it through, and made some decisions.

quote:

Since then a lot of people have private messaged me with good advice. Some people have insulted my fiance. A couple tried to get themselves involved in my sex life by asking if they could be a bull (what the gently caress?). I took the advice to heart and had a talk with my fiance.

Here's what happened:

The hotwifing/cuckold fetish stuff continued on as I expected. He continuously kept pushing new ideas about how I can humiliate him at our wedding. First he asked if we could get married with my boyfriend's semen inside of me, and I said no. Somewhere between his suggestion that my vows to him involve talking about how useless and pathetic of a man he is, and his other suggestion about me wearing an "I <3 BBC" anklet (he goes crazy when I talk about my black exes although I'm not sure how I feel about him fetishizing a race), I interrupted him and told him it wasn't working for me. I basically poured out all of my feelings about how his attitude is ruining my wedding.

After a lot of talking, some yelling, and an unhealthy dose of self-deprecation from him, we've come to an understanding that I want to please him, but don't want to make it public. So, where possible, we're working in a few things that he wants to do, but they're very small and limited. It makes him so happy when I agree to an idea so I can't help doing something. Instead of writing "prep the bull" at the end of our highlight video, we're going to write berth ell pup, which is an anagram of it. If asked we'll just say it means "I love you" in Old Norse. I won't wear a visible anklet, but I'll wear panties with a similar message on them (with another white pair on top). As for having sex with my boyfriend before the wedding in the makeup room, I told him that definitely crosses the line and the answer will still be no.

We have started couples counseling with a therapist who is qualified as a sex therapist as well. We all acknowledged that my fiance has a serious problem, although the therapist said that indulging in his desires from time to time is not terribly harmful in this sort of case. She gave us indispensable advice about instead of focusing on what I refuse to do, focus on a line of what we can do, making clear rules. He should respect those rules by not even suggesting something which bends them. My rules are if it's safe, painless, and private, I'll happily consider it.

Things are going better now although there was one hiccup of him getting turned on during the therapist's meeting and later admitting in private that he was playing with himself in the bathroom (apparently when the two of us were discussing how he was being selfish it set him off?). I was too confused to know what to say, but shaming him for having sexual desires doesn't seem right either. I don't know if I want to bring this up in our next session.

tl;dr: Drew some lines with my fiance, and things are going better! We're in therapy now. Thank you for your great advice.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 15:45

Dazerbeams: Jul 8, 2009

Don't people want at least one goofy photo from the wedding? The whole bridal party could have had one shot where everyone wore sunglasses and then people would chuckle at the memory years later.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 15:50

Malcolm Excellent: May 20, 2007; Buglord

loving lol @ berth ell pup

# ? Oct 25, 2021 15:51

Ethiser: Dec 31, 2011

Berth Ell Pup continues to be and will forever be the GOAT post in this string of threads.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 16:01

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

I like how it never occurs to them that people might... google the phrase? And what that google would bring up...

# ? Oct 25, 2021 16:04

spouse: Nov 10, 2008; When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.

Ethiser posted:

Berth Ell Pup continues to be and will forever be the GOAT post in this string of threads.

https://www.reveddit.com/v/Drama/comments/6j14je/utryitidareyou_has_run_its_course_its_been_fun/djas28f/?context=3

The best news I got from searching for this is that it's fake, written by a troll trying to get a rise out of people. It worked, very well crafted story.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 16:06

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Brawnfire posted:

I like how it never occurs to them that people might... google the phrase? And what that google would bring up...

quote:

Oh my god you're right.

I told him this ten minutes ago. He knows that I reddit (he's a redditor too), and when I brought this up in the first place I told him that I asked reddit for advice and showed him the original thread. It's the main reason why we ended up going to therapy in the first place. He was actually the one who suggested that I update you all on the situation.

After I told him that someone could just Google berth ell pup and find the phrase in this thread, he looked me in the eye and said "That's so loving hot."

When he goes to work I'm leaving. He'll find this post eventually but I don't care. I need a few days to cool off and reconsider my options. He's ill. He needs serious help and I think I'm going to call his brother to tell him (without specifics). I texted my aunt already and she'll be here to pick me up with a moment's notice.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 16:06

Soylent Pudding: Jun 22, 2007; We've got people!

spouse posted:

https://www.reveddit.com/v/Drama/comments/6j14je/utryitidareyou_has_run_its_course_its_been_fun/djas28f/?context=3

The best news I got from searching for this is that it's fake, written by a troll trying to get a rise out of people. It worked, very well crafted story.

The best trolls are the ones so plausible it's not that you believe it probably happened somewhere but that you know someone with the same complete relationship dysfunction you could believe someone like them could be involved.

Even if berth el pup is fake most of us probably have known someone who got addicted to their kink to the point it became socially and interpersonally toxic.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 16:11

spouse: Nov 10, 2008; When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.

Soylent Pudding posted:

The best trolls are the ones so plausible it's not that you believe it probably happened somewhere but that you know someone with the same complete relationship dysfunction you could believe someone like them could be involved.

Even if berth el pup is fake most of us probably have known someone who got addicted to their kink to the point it became socially and interpersonally toxic.

My favorite part of that thread is their little collections of "owns", where they wrote a convincing story and got people to respond genuinely to the story as if they were acting in good faith.

Like, great job dude, you totally burned those stupid redditors :thumbsup:

# ? Oct 25, 2021 16:14

MagusofStars: Mar 31, 2012

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for leaving when my sister was late, but pretending to be in the loo and repeatedly messaging that I'd be out soon?
Like 1 or 2 hours late for a 2 person coffee in a shop.

How the gently caress has OP apparently put up with this before as a �bunch of similar instances�? It�s nice that OP found her missing spine but seriously.

8one6 posted:

On behalf of everyone who has a habitually tardy friend I salute you OP.

A few minutes can be fine, whatever and sometimes life happens as a one-off.

But if you have a friend who regularly shows up an hour or two late to stuff, screw that. Just stop inviting them to poo poo because you�re clearly not a priority. Or at least restrict it to only stuff where you won�t be waiting if they show up late / flake entirely.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 16:15

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

spouse posted:

My favorite part of that thread is their little collections of "owns", where they wrote a convincing story and got people to respond genuinely to the story as if they were acting in good faith.

Like, great job dude, you totally burned those stupid redditors

This is why the people who write fake reddit posts are, ultimately, the loving weirdest. Their whole thing is just enjoying stirring people up, the thrill of the rise. Like drat, just go channel that energy it into kinky sex like everyone else does.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 16:19

Chef Boyardeez Nuts: Sep 9, 2011; The more you kick against the pricks, the more you suffer.

SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL posted:

No! No she is not an rear end in a top hat for not giving her friend eggs! For those of you who don’t know egg donation is a ton more complex, you have to take hormones to fool your body into “thinking” it’s pregnant and it’s a multi-month process, it’s why people can get into the 10s of thousands sometimes because it’s so much more invasive, involved, and life-altering.

ETA: and of course the guidelines are incredibly strict so the health issues OP mentions would probably disqualify her anyway!

I'm curious if the health issues are a thing that genetic testing can reveal, or a more general concern. Not that it matters if eggmom isn't on board.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 16:19

Baronjutter: Dec 31, 2007; "Tiny Trains"

What sort of person waits hours for someone who's late? 10 min? 15 min? maybe 30 if they let you know they're running late but still coming. But hours!!?

# ? Oct 25, 2021 16:35

worms butthole guy: Jan 29, 2021; by Fluffdaddy

As someone currently waiting 2 hours for my wife to finish loving packing I get that person's struggle. I was supposed to meet people tonight at a six hour drive away but I had to rearrange all the plans because someone couldn't get motivated

# ? Oct 25, 2021 16:39

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

Baronjutter posted:

What sort of person waits hours for someone who's late? 10 min? 15 min? maybe 30 if they let you know they're running late but still coming. But hours!!?

a kid expecting to be picked up from tee-ball practice

# ? Oct 25, 2021 16:40

Malcolm Excellent: May 20, 2007; Buglord

I had a friend that was late all the time to everything. Movies, concerts, sporting events, dinners. You name it, they were late. Often 30+ minutes. Never a good excuse or anything.

One time we were supposed to leave for a road trip and they were multiple hours late, and were really confused when I stopped planning to do stuff with them.

I think it's a brain wiring thing.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 16:58

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

Fixins posted:

As someone currently waiting 2 hours for my wife to finish loving packing I get that person's struggle. I was supposed to meet people tonight at a six hour drive away but I had to rearrange all the plans because someone couldn't get motivated

You should probably communicate your feelings with her instead of passive-aggressively venting about it in the relationships thread. That'd probably be healthier.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 17:03

Tarkus: Aug 27, 2000

I think it's a form of disrespect and aggression. I assure you that for most of these people if there were $1000 waiting for them if they were there on time, they would be. For people that are perpetually late I usually tell them to come for a time earlier than the real time and then they are late less often.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 17:04

uranium grass: Jan 15, 2005

Is this a trope or something? Because I definitely got forgotten by both my parents at baseball camp for hours one summer.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 17:05

Dewgy: Nov 10, 2005; ~🚚special delivery~📦

Tarkus posted:

I think it's a form of disrespect and aggression.

lmao

You sound like someone�s dad with a stick up their rear end.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 17:08

Baronjutter: Dec 31, 2007; "Tiny Trains"

Tarkus posted:

I think it's a form of disrespect and aggression. I assure you that for most of these people if there were $1000 waiting for them if they were there on time, they would be. For people that are perpetually late I usually tell them to come for a time earlier than the real time and then they are late less often.

Yeah I just stop inviting people like that to things. They can show up on time to work, they can show up on time to doctor's appointments where they'd be out money as a no-show. Dinner? 45 min late because they "lost track of time" or "getting ready took longer than they thought" or the most common excuse of not even bothering to make an excuse. They were just gaming or scrolling or something and knew they were late but their immediate enjoyment was far more important than making their friends wait for them.

Ultimately it's just being a self centered sack of poo poo.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 17:09

nvidiagouge: Sep 30, 2021; by Fluffdaddy

It's an integrity thing. Do what you say you're going to do and be where you say you're going to be, when you said you would be there. The other side to it is that 99% of the time some kind of pre-meet update about being late isn't going to bother anyone so just have a small amount of consideration and everything will be fine.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 17:13

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Dewgy posted:

lmao

You sound like someone�s dad with a stick up their rear end.

Sorry you are always late to stuff.

You�ll get better at it I�m sure.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 17:14

8one6: May 20, 2012; When in doubt, err on the side of Awesome!

Before anyone tries to chime in with the usual ADHD excuse, as someone who was diagnosed with ADHD (by a real doctor and everything) if they cared they would develop a coping strategy to avoid being hours late to everything.

Baronjutter posted:

Yeah I just stop inviting people like that to things. They can show up on time to work, they can show up on time to doctor's appointments where they'd be out money as a no-show. Dinner? 45 min late because they "lost track of time" or "getting ready took longer than they thought" or the most common excuse of not even bothering to make an excuse. They were just gaming or scrolling or something and knew they were late but their immediate enjoyment was far more important than making their friends wait for them.

Ultimately it's just being a self centered sack of poo poo.

This. If it was important to them they'd work to fix it.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 17:15

Tarkus: Aug 27, 2000

Dewgy posted:

lmao

You sound like someone�s dad with a stick up their rear end.

The habitually late person has entered the thread.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 17:16

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

Well I�m on time to this thread to see that it�s getting a bit snippy. You can continue the delay derail, but add content.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 17:17

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

value-brand cereal posted:

Give me your house, your baby, your half of the inheritance, and your dead siblings name.

A friend of my son's transitioned and, after a couple of false starts, chose my son's (quite living, thanks) sister's name, and that was quite weird enough. It fits them now, and it's not as if there's a national limit on the number of Thusneldas.

# ? Oct 25, 2021 17:17

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

Should I speak to his wife and get her story?

quote:

I'll keep this as short as possible, would appreciate some advice.

I've been with my(f34) boyfriend(m35) for just over a year. We just bought a house together a few months ago.

He has a 14 year old daughter who he doesn't see due to her mum stopping contact and turning his daughter against him.

He also has a son who is 6 who he doesn't see either. He is still married to his sons mother but they've been separated for 5 years and she hates him. She stopped contact for no reason and she only allows him to see his son for a few minutes at birthdays/Christmas.

I've never spoken to his exes but he's told me that they both want to ruin his life and hate him for no reason. I know both his ex's have been with their boyfrinds for years and seem happy.

I sometimes feel like he isn't telling me the whole truth and whenever I try to ask more questions, he gets quite defensive.

We once bumped into his ex and son in a shop last year. my boyfriend completely ignored her while only talking to his son. She said hi to me and I said hi back but I felt very awkward and afterwards he would barely talk about it and said he didn't want to introduce us because she is crazy and would try to ruin our relationship.

What should I do? I want to marry this man one day and I love him. Should I reach out to his wife and get her side of the story? Or just leave it?

Thanks

EDIT: just want to add, he has a lot of amazing qualities and I really love him. He's had a hard life and has admitted to making mistakes in his past but I really want our relationship to work. I believe him but I have that niggling feeling in the back of my mind that is more of a what if?

EDIT. OK, for the marriage part. I only recently found out he is still married AFTER we bought our house. He told me he hasn't divorced her because it would be over 1k and he is mentally drained because she lies about everything etc.

I've read all of your responses and appreciate all the advice. I still want to be with him, I love him. I just don't know what to do now.

Tl,dr: my boyfriend says his two kids mums are crazy, is still married to one of them. He gets defensive when I ask questions. Should I speak to his wife?