mind the walrus posted:

loving Boomer. "I'm a giant manbaby who pretends being a workaholic is a substitute for a personality and was competent/lucky enough to avoid needing to challenge this assumption in any way for decades. I'm absolutely going to have a mid-life crisis when I realize my kids see me as a stranger, my wife has resented me the entire time, and my societal conditioning has me believe flashing cash at a teenager is a substitute for vitality."

Idk I'm projecting there but it really feels like this is a dude complaining about his feet being wet under a cloud during a forest fire.

Uncle Enzo posted:

The issue wasn't even the regular arrangement! If he's just said "oh I'm so sorry you're sick honey" and then muddled through and showed up to work late with a sloppy tie he'd have been fine. "Oh yeah I was pretty lost without you, I really appreciate you honey". Call from work to check on her, pick up some flowers on the way home.

If you're going to substitute work and money for a personality then use that money to help the people you claim to care about and make them feel appreciated. Buy her some jewelry or some poo poo and refrain from complaining because she was sick.

Uncle Enzo posted:

The issue wasn't even the regular arrangement! If he's just said "oh I'm so sorry you're sick honey" and then muddled through and showed up to work late with a sloppy tie he'd have been fine. "Oh yeah I was pretty lost without you, I really appreciate you honey". Call from work to check on her, pick up some flowers on the way home.

If you're going to substitute work and money for a personality then use that money to help the people you claim to care about and make them feel appreciated. Buy her some jewelry or some poo poo and refrain from complaining because she was sick.

quote:

The other day I (27F) had a horrible fight with my husband a (41M) and he decided that we should work things out and he left our three kids (4f, 1f, 2 month old) with his parents. Fortunately we were able to talk and now we are on good terms so today we decided to pick them up from their home.

We arrived at their house and my sisters in law were there and they were planning a party, husband asked what they were going to celebrate and they said my gender reveal party to which I said I didn't want a one because I'm sick and honestly the only thing that matters to me is that it's a healthy baby and that anyway I'm sure it will be another girl. And my MIL (65F) called me a bad mom because I have favoritism with my other 3 daughters and that when I was pregnant with them I wanted a gender reveal party for each of them.

The truth is that I don't want a gender reveal party but my decision has nothing to do with favoritism. This pregnancy wasn't planned at all and honestly finding out that I'm pregnant was really sad news, and to top it all my body is not helping because I got really sick, and that scares me. So all I want is for my baby to be healthy, that's it, I don't care if it's a boy or a girl. And I feel like I don't have the strength (or desire) to have a gender reveal party.

My husband told her that we don't want a party and that that was the end of the conversation, but she didn't give up, she started to tell us that it is not my baby's fault that I am a fool who doesn't know anything about birth control, that I should treat this baby like I treat my other daughters. And I never said I was going to treat this baby different just because I didn't plan to get pregnant she was saying nonsenses.

She even said that we should have a gender reveal party because when this baby grows up they will see their sisters' party photos and they will feel jealous and left out. And I was already smelling her manipulation, so I yelled at her and told her that I don't give a drat what she thinks, that this is my family and that she can't tell me what to do with my own kids. She started crying and saying that I was rude and that her beloved daughter in law who is dead (husband's late wife) had a lot more class than me and that she would never have treated her like I did.

I told her that if she cares so much about her unborn grandchild she should learn to treat me like a human being and not like an incubator, that I have feelings and that she should stop treating me like a fool because it hurts me, that all I want is for her to respect my decisions. We left and later my SIL called me to tell me that she should be happy because her mom was sad and she ended up in bed because she felt really bad because of me. So I wanna know am I the rear end in a top hat?

Dik Hz posted:

You literally just did that.

mllaneza posted:

If the husband doesn't have seven hills to die on, he isn't serious.

Halloween Jack posted:

You can't win this, he's got seven of 'em.

Cowslips Warren posted:

Oh gently caress I hate math.
AITA for yelling at my MIL in front of our family when she tried to convince me to have a gender reveal party even when I explicitly said I didn't want one?

cumshitter posted:

AITA for potentially ruining my classmate’s career.

Professor P called me outside the class today and told me that he’s extremely disappointed in me and it’s becuz of girls like me, potential careers of men are ruined.

Arsenic Lupin posted:

FTFY. For an undergrad to make trouble for a senior professor in her department while she's still in his department is extremely dangerous. Academia is vicious. There was a story just last week that the woman who created the mRNA virus pissed off her research supervisor by taking another job, so he called the INS to try to get her deported.

I'm not saying "don't report", I'm saying that reporting isn't an automatic win for the reporter.

Nameless Pete posted:

All I know is that you never attend a party thrown by swingers, even if they promise you beforehand it's not that kind of party. Because they will invite all their swinger friends who can no longer appreciate the distinction.

Serephina posted:

Search engines are absolutely refusing to find this hit so I can't look it up myself, but how exactly does the family know about a pregnancy that fast? Even if you assume the absolute worst about everything the timing doesn't make much sense. And referring to the infant as X months instead of Y weeks makes me question its validity tbqh

Mx. posted:

WIBTA if I have a mom’s wheelchair accessible van towed?

quote:

This happened this morning and sorta builds on an on going problem but this is the icing on the cake. For reference I (22) still live with my parents (70, 61) and they have a very “my house my rules” outlook on everything.

So every morning I drink tea cuz I can’t stand coffee. Like it makes me sick. My parents do drink coffee and my mom always makes it at the table then moves the cup over my food and drink. On multiple occasions she has filled the cup too much and it spills into whatever I’m eating or drinking. I’ve asked her not to do this and have been ignored.

This morning it happened again and my mom walked away after seeing she did it. My dad saw this as well. I said “ew” real quiet and went to move my drink away from the rest of the spill so I could clean it up (my job even though it isn’t my fault) and my mom repeats my “ew” in a tone I’d say was meant to make fun of my disgust. I explained what happened and she told me to move my cup so SHE could clean it up and just drink it. At this point I moved my cup to the counter to be washed and I poured out the ruined tea. My dad then joins and demands to know what I’m doing and why so I calmly explain the situation.

That might be where I’m the rear end in a top hat since I said it happened before but nothing is being done about it so I’ll just deal with it and get rid of whatever was ruined by coffee. My dad said get rid of my attitude or I will be attending anger management and I’ll pay for it before telling me to make another cup of tea even though I wasn’t exactly in the mood for another one. He also said I should have just drunk the ruined tea instead of making a big deal about it. So am I the rear end in a top hat for not just drinking the ruined tea?

Edit: to everyone saying I should move out or it’s time to move out, my parents paid for everything my whole life. I got a job much later than I should have because of it. I don’t have enough money to do this. My friends all live out of state oR in similar situations so I can’t move in with them. Hope this helps.

Edit 2: I just figured out how to put this on my profile but just so everyone knows my pronouns r they/them.

Invisible Clergy posted:

AITA for refusing to drink a destroyed drink?

Arsenic Lupin posted:

FTFY. For an undergrad to make trouble for a senior professor in her department while she's still in his department is extremely dangerous. Academia is vicious. There was a story just last week that the woman who created the mRNA virus pissed off her research supervisor by taking another job, so he called the INS to try to get her deported.

I'm not saying "don't report", I'm saying that reporting isn't an automatic win for the reporter.

Street Horrrsing posted:

Do you have a link where I can read more on this? Maybe I'm just sheltered but that sounds absolutely wild.

Mx. posted:

WIBTA if I have a mom’s wheelchair accessible van towed?

quote:

AITA for jokingly offering to give my youngest child up for adoption?

My husband has one sibling, Susan. Susan and her husband James got married the same year my husband and I did. By 2020, my husband and I were expecting our third child. Susan and James were looking into adoption as they haven't been able to have children. When we found out we were expecting [son], Susan started asking if we wanted to give him up to them and only have two children.

While my youngest child is my last, obviously we weren't going to give him up. I was tired of people acting like it was my responsibility to give children to the entire family, but my husband wanted them to think that it was their choice to stop asking, so my husband and I came up with an offer.

We would give up [son] to Susan and James under the following conditions: we got to name him, we would get him for summers and some weekends so he could know his siblings, and they wouldn't be allowed to raise him under their religious beliefs, only ours. Oh, and the baby could choose what to call us. We wouldn't discourage any title, even mom and dad. All conditions that NOBODY in their right mind would ever adopt under. They stopped calling after that and the rest of the pregnancy and the 4th trimester passed as peacefully as possible. Susan and James even came to visit us a few weeks ago.

Last week, we got a call from them saying that they were now totally cool with those restrictions and wanted to move ahead with an adoption. Apparently their visit made them realize that they would "accept anything" to raise [son]. I was shocked and told them that that wasn't really ever on the table, that I had only said that because I thought it would make them realize it was never happening.

Now they've gotten my husband's parents involved. They say the fact that we were able to joke about such a thing means that we don't deserve to have any of our children, let alone [son] and that we shouldn't offer deals that we never intended to hold up. My husband's parents think that it would be fine either way because two children is plenty, and the baby will get better attention and still "know who his parents are" but that we owe Susan and James a major apology for giving them hope and that [son] will think we don't love him because we thought that was joke material.

I don't think this deserves an apology because who would ever think that kind of response was a serious offer? What would that apology even be? Now things are strained and we might get barred from Thanksgiving. Am I in the wrong here?

Cobalt-60 posted:

AITA for jokingly offering to give my youngest child up for adoption?

Cobalt-60 posted:

Cobalt-60 posted:

quote:

My husband and I purchased a home earlier in the year. It’s less than five years old so it really didn’t need any work. However, we decided to paint walls, remove the carpet, and add a bar in the basement.

About a month after we moved in my husbands moms friend reached out to him to say she would love to stop by and give him a housewarming present. This woman was his neighbor in his childhood home and is still relatively close with his mother. It’s also worth mentioning she is an interior designer.

She showed up to our house and presented the gift as her services. We both thanked her but said we weren’t interested in hiring a designer at the moment. We still had drinks and conversed for a while and she left.

Three weeks go by and she sends a box with samples for paint, cabinetry, carpeting, upholstery (she mentioned she hated our couch??), and mock ups for each room. My husband reached out to her and asked to return the items and again reiterated that we would not be interested in any design services. We returned the items

We just received an invoice for her work. She’s charging us for 20 hours of work (2.5 hours labeled as an on-site visit + travel time) and the cost for renting each of her samples. She discounted it 50% for friends and family but it is still almost $5k for work we didn’t ask for.

Am I the rear end in a top hat for not wanting to pay? MIL says we should to keep the peace with her neighbor and friend.

quote:

My (30sF) husband (30sM) is graduating college. His class decided to go out to celebrate with drinks after their exams. He said significant others weren't invited.

I had a routine check-up with my primary just before the celebration started and she found a lump on my breast. I'm young, but have a history of breast cancer on my mom's side (my aunt died before the age of 35 from it). She wanted me to get a biopsy that day and referred me to the correct place.

It was going to be a few hours before they could see me as they were doing her a favor and it was obviously short notice. I was a crying mess, so my husband reluctantly agreed for me to come wait with him at the bar for my appointment time.

I got to the bar, introductions were made and although I was quite scared, I felt I was nice to everyone and as talkative as I could be.

I left my husband at the bar with his classmates and went for the biopsy, followed by a mammogram. It was terrifying, but my doctor was great and a nurse held my hand through it all.

When I got home, my husband was pissed at me. Apparently I offended his classmates because I was standoffish and rude to them, and in their words "just an overall downer that brought down the mood of the celebration". He said I embarrassed him and he regretted having me join them.

I now feel terrible like I ruined his day to celebrate with his friends and maybe should have just kept the situation to myself so as not to bring him and them down.

Edit Key Points

Yes, husband knew all details of cancer scare as soon as first appt ended.

I'm the only one working while he's in school. I do NOT pay for his school. And just in case anyone other than the super kind person is wondering:

I've taken him to a nice dinner after every milestone was passed (and as a consolation if things haven't gone great).

I worked a side job while he's in class to save up secret money and bought him a private deep sea fishing charter for his graduation gift. I am not a bad wife. I do what I can within my limited means.

Edit/Update

First of all, I need to thank each and every one of you for the outpouring of love and support. I've never felt that in my life and I'm beyond thankful for it now. This subreddit and all of you not only changed my life in a 24 hour whirlwind, but you may have also saved it.

When I came on here, I really didn't realize any of the things I know now. I truly thought I was in the wrong, but had a nagging feeling that wouldn't go away. I saw this subreddit on a FB post and felt it could help me figure out if the nagging insistence had a purpose. I'm glad I did. Even with the not so nice responses, I realized I'm not only NOT TA in this particular instance, but I probably haven't been for a lot of instances.

I copied what I commented yesterday and have included it below. It was an interesting and educational night so, I'll include anything that may be important before the commented update.

While I have acquaintances here, I don't particularly have anyone I'd call a friend and I'm only just realizing through contacting people that any friendships I tried to make were thwarted by my husband.

I spent most of the night doing research about various things and I'm feeling confident that pretty much all of you are right in your suspicions about him and what my next steps should and will be.

If I'm allowed to, I'll update with my results when they come in, but unfortunately still no word yet.

Sorry for the book. 😬

Commented Update

A girl from my husband's class saw this post and recognized enough of the situation to reach out to me. She was present at the bar when I was there, I was too dazed to give her a second thought. My husband was so upset by me needing to make an appearance, because he had led everyone to believe we were in the midst of a divorce. Significant others were more than welcome, my husband told me that so I wouldn't go. He saw me calling and stepped away from the group. She said he looked like he was yelling at someone, even though his tone was calm and low to me. She also said it was the only call he received and that he did not make any calls.

Why would he say we're getting divorced if we're not? Because he is having an affair with the girl that reached out. He didn't tell anyone why I was really there at the bar. No one said I was a downer (to her knowledge). She saw my post, put two and two together and felt sick. So she reached out. He gave her a sob story that made him sound like a hero for "taking care of me through the divorce process because I'm broke and alone". She had screenshots of conversations between them and details that make me dizzy. This has been going on for almost the entire length of the program he is in.

I confronted him. I'm livid. I'm nauseated. He told me they said I was a downer so I'd be too ashamed to reach out to any of them following me meeting them so he could keep the lie going. He planned on leaving me once he graduated because he wouldn't need me anymore. Me possibly having cancer threw a wrench in the plan. He is unapologetic. She was apparently a fling because he was bored with school.

I didn't cry. I didn't yell. I am in my bathroom currently trying to figure out wth my life has become and what I need to do next.

Side note, he finally asked me how serious the biopsy went.

So... at this point, even if I was the rear end hole, I'm not sorry. Except for the fact that I can't get a refund for the stupid fishing trip.

I don't want this to be my life. I really don't.



Additional comment:

I have (had) been with my husband since I was 19, came from a crappy background with no real connections and thought everything was as normal as it gets. I saw this subreddit mentioned on a fb post and came here because I was feeling so guilty. I didn't even know it was called a subreddit.

People started mentioning abuse and my head started spinning and it all came crashing down with zero warning. I've since done research, educated myself and have found a therapist which I start seeing on Monday.

I was skeptical the girl knew me or my husband, btw. I've received some interesting messages to say the least. But there were a few details I included (some out of anger for being attacked on here) about what happened which is how she was able to put two and two together. She didn't realize it until my key details update, actually.

I honestly hate how wild this situation is. I'm completely disgusted by it. I'm a quiet person. I don't like attention. At all. I just really truly wanted to know if I was an rear end in a top hat.

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for not wanting to pay for a “gift”?

ghost emoji posted:

I don’t have kids but I sure think I would be horrified if I heard them imitating sex noises at a young age, let alone my own. Not writing a cutesy letter to an advice columnist bragging about how awww shucks we are just so in love!!

Nameless Pete posted:

All I know is that you never attend a party thrown by swingers, even if they promise you beforehand it's not that kind of party. Because they will invite all their swinger friends who can no longer appreciate the distinction.

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for not wanting to pay for a “gift”?

PancakeTransmission posted:

I remember that at 11 I had already stopped believing in God by myself. I don't have any memory of believing in Santa, or rather, no memory of the point in where I realised he wasn't real.

12 is a bit old to still think Santa exists

Lone Goat posted:

12 is a year before high school, and absolutely not marginal to still believe in Santa

Megillah Gorilla posted:

Academia and STEM is just a festering swamp of misogyny and bigotry all wrapped up in a blanket of power tripping arseholes.

quote:

My partner and I purchased our jeep a few months ago. We have 0 payments on it, title is in my partners name, and it is insured under us.

About a month ago, the person we purchased it from took our jeep with a second key that neither of us knew he had, and drove off with it while my partner was at work. This was a major problem, as my partner works 30 minutes from where we live, and we have no other car, as I'm WFH and don't need one.

We call the police and they more or less deemed it civil and told us to sort it out between us and the seller. At the end of the day, we get the car back, but the seller never gave us the key.

I ran into the previous seller, and he tells me he will have it dropped off at my partners work on Monday, as he owns a construction crew that my partners job does firewatch for. Monday comes and goes, he hasn't given it to us. We try to set up times to get it, hes dodgy about it.

Finally today, I tell my partner that if he doesnt return the key to us by tomorrow, I'll be filing a police report against him.

My partner says he doesn't agree, because he doesn't feel the need to go the 'aggressive' route with this and he feels im being a bit of an AH by reporting it as theft.

AITA?

quote:

So my brother has a lot of kids with his partner but they've always been super good at saving, they have a decent savings account and are saving up for a house as they don't want to worry about keeping up with a loan. Personally, I am single and of course, have plenty to spare so when it came to getting them a Christmas gift I got them some decent items. A kindle for my brother, some non-stick pots and pans and a nice knife set for his partner, and one of those blue epoxy and timber dining tables and that's not including what I got for their children. I was so excited for them to receive their presents that I couldn't wait till Christmas and just told them to open them immediately, they, of course, love everything.

My brother then said he was way too excited for me to open my presents as well and that when they arrived I could get straight into them! (we live a state over from each other). The boxes that came were pretty big but when I opened them up I noticed that it was only a couple of paintings (that my brother painted) some acrylic pours that had modern patterns over them or something. He said they were for the new house I'm purchasing because I was struggling to find things that fit my color scheme and said that the two I received were only the beginning, that he'd be happy to do another painting for each room of the house I needed to decorate.

Don't get me wrong, my brother is extremely talented and I LOVE his artwork and they will be hung, I just expected something that was worth a little more especially considering I know what their savings account looks like. I spent a lot on them and it kind of feels like they tried to cheap their way with me this year. I haven't said anything to them yet but I'm wondering if there's a gentle way to bring this up and ask them to get me something else? I don't want to seem greedy but it hurts me that they'd allow me to go out of my way to get them such great gifts when they were only giving me handmade items. I honestly wouldn't even care if it were something cheap, we're almost 30, not 3, it seems kind of childish to be handing out handmade presents to be hanging around the house.

Evil Willow posted:

WIBTA For asking my brother for a new Christmas gift?

Invisible Clergy posted:

She can get hosed. The smart thing would've been to have it towed before flashing a neon sign for her of who to retaliate against, but the second-smartest is to solve the problem now.

AITA for refusing to drink a destroyed drink?

Hughlander posted:

I thought this was posted but didn't see it, the edits/updates are ongoing...

AITA for being a downer at my husband's grad celebration?