carry on then posted:

There is though. Incels prove it. Obviously aside from those who were abused, or those who are dealing with gender or sexuality issues, or those who are physically disabled, among others, there is something very very deeply wrong with a man who isn't attractive enough to have had at least one partner by 20. Because that's always what it comes down to: you just aren't a good person. When the person who you have most in common with is Elliot-loving-Rodger, you don't really deserve love.

MarcusSA posted:

quote:

My F35 son (13) passed away from cancer 3 months ago. It was so devastating to me and his dad (my ex husband). And grief has been tense in those months. We were left with an emergency fund my ex husband and I saved for our son and recently I discovered that my current husband M34 used it to go on a golfing trip in another country that he just returned from. I found out via checking fianancial records and I blew up at him and asked why he used my son's money to go on a trip while I was grieving.

He said he needed support too and to lift some weight off his chest after I kept pushing him to side and ignoring him but I was and still am grieving and needed space. He wasn't the one who lost a child. despite him being the stepparent my husband made it clear he never felt any connection to my son basically blaming his medical condition for not having a chance to bond. We had a huge argument and my ex husband heard and was so mad. He confronted my husband calling him an unhinged opportunist and said he was going to sue him for taking the money after accessing it through me. I told my ex husband to go ahead and sue and my husband was shocked that I agreed and condoned this mistreatment from my ex husband towards him. He asked me to tell my ex to step down but I said no. He lashed out saying he too was and is grieving and that my ex and I are ganging up on him with complete disregard for his overwhelming grief and sorrow. We haven't spoken since that argument and things keep getting worse with him texting about how I should stand with him as my husband instead of encouraging my ex to take his anger out on him like that.

sugar free jazz posted:

lol what do u think an outlier is

quote:

Edit:
I wanted to stick in my edit here (don’t know if anyone will see it but hi). So I told him yesterday before we went to bed. First he was of course very surprised. He asked why and I explained. He asked if I had the change before, which I’ve had. Ha took it super well and was very happy I told him and said he understood why I Hadnt told him at first. He said it was the “mildest of white lies”. He was so kind and sweet and just asked a few questions and also what I wanted to try next lol. I asked him if he would done anything differently if he knew, and he said he wouldn’t have made “a move” for sex or came on to me when we started hanging out to make me not feel pressured at all (which I absolutely didn’t) but just being extra careful with that.
I think I love him haha.
Tl dr ; I lost my virginity to my bf 5 months ago and haven’t told him the truth. I don’t want it to change things between us but I don’t want to lie

Hi

In late March I met a guy through Tinder. We really clicked and on the third date we slept with each other. It was great and I really enjoyed myself … and that was me losing my virginity. I didn’t tell him and thought I could tell him later if we kept on seeing each other.

Another time post sex he asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity- I think I said 20? I don’t even remember. I hate lying about stuff, but I wasn’t really ready to tell him. He lost his at age 14 or 15 and have had multiple girlfriends and long relationships in his life. I’ve had none - which I’ve told him. I thought he might find it weird, he said he absolutely didn’t and admitted not long ago the only thing he was thinking was that he was afraid that I’d “grow tired of him” since obviously I hadn’t had any relationships before and that might be the cause of that.

In end of July I asked him if he wanted to be my bf officially and he was so happy, I was so happy - honestly everything is going so great and I love having him in my life. I had started giving up on that there was someone out there for me - but then he came into my life and it’s been so wonderful.

So for the reason I haven’t had sex before… I simply don’t think I’ve been ready to share that with another person before. A part of it is me being happy about my body (I have lost around 50lbs in last 2 years and is now normal weight BMI. I know that’s maybe superficial but it is what it is. I’ve also always been very introverted when it comes to those types of relationships. I have an easy time making and keeping friends id say, but romantic ones are a completely different story.

Now for my question, what I need advice on… should I tell him he was the first person I’ve had sex with? Does it matter? Like I don’t mind not telling him in some Ways - but I hate lying about when I lost my virginity, pretending to know things I don’t, making up stuff about “who’s the oldest I’ve slept with” etc. I don’t want to lie and make up stuff but I don’t want him to react badly to the truth or that I’d lie to him about that.
We have a great sex life, we do discuss that a lot and have sex frequently.
Please ask if anything’s unclear! And thank you.

Dazerbeams posted:

I (27F) lost my virginity to my now bf (29M) 5 months ago haven’t told him I’d never had sex before that

titty_baby_ posted:

Sorry buddy shes damaged goods

titty_baby_ posted:

Sorry buddy shes damaged goods

carry on then posted:

No, she isn't. I have been very clear on viewing this issue through the lens of a patriarchical society. My statements apply to cishet men.

titty_baby_ posted:

Sorry buddy shes damaged goods

carry on then posted:

No, she isn't. I have been very clear on viewing this issue through the lens of a patriarchical society. My statements apply to cishet men.

Dazerbeams posted:

I (27F) lost my virginity to my now bf (29M) 5 months ago haven’t told him I’d never had sex before that

Dazerbeams posted:

I (27F) lost my virginity to my now bf (29M) 5 months ago haven’t told him I’d never had sex before that

EIDE Van Hagar posted:

I am not saying you are damaged, I am just saying something is probably wrong if you are a virgin in your 20s.

And something was wrong in this case, (she lost 50 pounds).

quote:

I’ve been at college for a couple months, and in my dorm I keep two stuffed animals. One’s a big bear, (the size of a small child) and ones’s a little penguin (small enough to hold in one hand). While I love my stuffed animals and they help me a lot with my stress and anxiety, they do present a bit of a conundrum whenever I have girls over: should I hide them? On the once hand, I don’t want girls to think I’m weird, and a straight college aged guy having stuffed animals might seem pretty strange. On the other hand though, I think authenticity is important, and having stuffed animals is a part of who I am as a person. What do y’all think?

quote:

We’re together for almos 4 months and basically he(M27) once asked me if I(F20) like plushies and well, I fon’t despise them so I said yes. I do have some stuffed animals in my room but only a couple ones which have a special meaning to me. So he gifted me the first one, a ≈30 cm kitty. I was content since I found it cute. Then after like a month he gave me another small one and said “I’ll help you start a collection of these” to which i replied jokingly that he will drown me if he continues since I don’t have much space in my room for them. I tried to give him the hint that it was enough in the most lightweight way possible and after that i thought he understood. I THOUGHT. About 2 months passed and the other day he messaged me something like “I got you a BIG gift at the flea market today. It’s something you like you’ll love it for sure” (we’re both passionate about flea markets) And I was like :0 wow maybe he found a functioning polaroid or something like that since i like photography,, or maybe idk something that had to do with my hobbies (art, movies, books etc..) I went to his home the day later and when giving me the gift he made me enter his room with my eyes closed,, all of that- and I was so so excited. Then I opened them. And there it was. An enormous stuffed Toothless from Dragon Trainer looking directly at me. Basically he saw my brother’s dragon trainer dvd in my living room when he came to my home once, and not knowing whose dvd was he assumed I’m a HUGE fan of dragon trainer. Which I’m not. Plus honestly plushies in general are the last thing I would get at a flea market for sanitary reasons. I don’t think he will be upset if I tell him I don’t want stuffed animals anymore but I don’t want to make him sad so I’m looking for the nicest way possible to tell him-and make him comprehend once and for all-That I don’t want stuffed animals anymore. Also if someone knows how to tactfully get rid of the huge dragon trainer thing I would very much appreciate your advice lol

quote:

So, for context, we live in a 650sqft 1 bedroom apartment.

He brought home a giant stuffed goat yesterday and wants it in the apartment. He says that it should stay because I have a lot of plants. But, he has told me repeatedly he likes my plants, and enjoys having greenery in the apartment.

He has already brought home 2 giant giraffe statues that he will not get rid of even if I begged him. I just feel like it’s unfair because there’s nothing (that he’s told me about) of mine that he hates. But I have to deal with giant animal statues and stuff?

Basically, I’m asking: is this a dumb hill to die on? I told him I thought the goat made the place look like a child’s room. Then he got upset and said he’s doesn’t want me to view him as a child I’m taking care of. I apologized, told him that’s not what I meant, and I was specifically referring to the giant stuffed goat in our living room as childish…

We’ve been together for a year and have never really had any major arguments. Just small things that we get through pretty easily.

TLDR: boyfriend wants a giant stuffed goat because I have a lot of plants, even though he likes the plants.

Batterypowered7 posted:

Oh man, Teen Witch is gonna LOVE you saying being heavyset is wrong.

Woodchip posted:

My (20F) boyfriend (19M) wants a giant stuffed goat in our apartment.

MarcusSA posted:

They aren’t saying it’s wrong they are saying it was the barrier to them willing to be sexual with someone. Which is pretty common tbh

elise the great posted:

Virginity in an adult, like an Ayn Rand book on the shelf, is a big red flag. It’s not a dealbreaker. Context is critical: do they have the book because they’re a student of economic ethics who studies the ills of capitalist society and the fallacies that draw people into libertarian individualism? Are they a virgin at 25 because they escaped a terrible family and spent years focusing on therapy and building their own life?

Or are they a neurotic, entitled, codependent beartrap that will close on your labia and/or wallet?

quote:

something is wrong

Invisible Clergy posted:

AITA for not wanting to date a virgin?

carry on then posted:

There is though. Incels prove it. Obviously aside from those who were abused, or those who are dealing with gender or sexuality issues, or those who are physically disabled, among others, there is something very very deeply wrong with a man who isn't attractive enough to have had at least one partner by 20. Because that's always what it comes down to: you just aren't a good person. When the person who you have most in common with is Elliot-loving-Rodger, you don't really deserve love.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

extremely um *flips through twitter catchphrase glossary* colonialist of you to not understand that male virgins are virgins because they're rapists. Nice gaslighting, narcissist

the holy poopacy posted:

please do not spread literal incel propaganda. tia

carry on then posted:

I hate incels, if you can't tell. Not really sure what incel propaganda dunks on Rodger.

Batterypowered7 posted:

Oh man, Teen Witch is gonna LOVE you saying being heavyset is wrong.

Dazerbeams posted:

On one hand, I'm annoyed goons still haven't learned not to touch the poop. On the other hand, it's hilarious how sensitive goons are about sex-having.

Woodchip posted:

Should I (19m) keep my stuffed animals on my bed when I have girls over?

How to tell my boyfriend to stop buying me stuffed animals

My (20F) boyfriend (19M) wants a giant stuffed goat in our apartment.

Funky Valentine posted:

AITA for supporting my ex husband to sue my current husband for using my son's emergency fund money for his golfing trip?

hopeandjoy posted:

I also get touchy about it because there is in fact, literally something physically wrong with me and my sex parts and it sucks to have some goon burst in to say there’s something unlovable about people who are virgins at older ages because I worry enough about never finding someone.

EIDE Van Hagar posted:

Adults who gently caress teenagers are weird, but teenagers wanting to gently caress each other is extremely normal, and not being able to seal the deal with at least one other teenager before you turn 20 is a red flag.

EIDE Van Hagar posted:

Boom, 90% laid before 22.



So I repeat, if you haven’t had sex at 21, you are an outlier. If you are 25-30 there’s something wrong, and people will wonder what.

Woodchip posted:

My (20F) boyfriend (19M) wants a giant stuffed goat in our apartment.

quote:

He brought it home because he thinks it’s funny to have those kinda things in the house. He gets a kick out of how annoyed I get. Him, his mom, his brother, and his sister all make fun of me for not liking the 6ft tall giraffe statue. I did get a little upset when the goat came home because I knew it was the same situation. He reacted poorly to me calling it “childish” because he is insecure about me having to “take care of him”. That’s kinda a separate issue and I tell him all the time that I don’t feel like I’m taking care of him. But yeah that’s an insecurity of his, but it’s also not what I was referring to. I was talking about all the giant animals in the house lol

EIDE Van Hagar posted:

It’s not a moral judgment, it’s just that there is an age when most people start adding romantic relationships to their lives and it can be harder to catch up if you are late to get that experience. If you make it to your mid 20s you are starting to miss the boat, and you make it to 35 you are probably statistically unlikely to change that situation ever.

Anything can happen for an individual, people grow and learn and try new things at different paces, but on average there is a pretty clear timeline. People can wait longer for whatever reason they choose, but on average there is probably some obstacle if they do, and most people who have no obstacles just don’t wait that long.

I was originally responding to the poster who was implying it was more normal to be a 21 year old virgin than to have sex in your teens. In reality having sex for the first time as a teenager is pretty normal and if you are in your 20s you are solidly in the last decile.

quote:

I worked at a retail store in the mall. The store is divided into men’s, women’s and children’s clothes. I always worked women’s and on the weekdays I was always the only employee in that entire section.

Yesterday myself and two other employees clocked into ours shifts. My manager Lisa pulled my aside and told me “Your dads called the store five times asking for your schedule please tell him to stop”. I got extremely confused because that didn’t sound like something my dad would do. I even texted him and he said he never called the store once. I had a bad feeling and asked Lisa if she gave “my dad” my schedule and she did she did. I then told her that wasn’t my dad and she had no right telling a strange man my schedule. She got annoyed and told me that it wasn’t a big deal and I was being dramatic.

I then quit on the spot which only left her and two other employee to watch the entire store. She kept apologizing and even burst into tears because they were understaffed.

AITA?

Mormon Nailer posted:

She kept apologizing and even burst into tears because they were understaffed.

Mormon Nailer posted:

This thread is goddamned unreadable for the last however many pages.

Content, new flavor:

AITA For quitting on the spot even though we were understaff and it made my manager cry?