r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

Alchenar: Apr 9, 2008

greazeball posted:

Steak man should have burnt the everloving poo poo out of her steak, then microwaved it for 10 minutes and then made her eat it.

It wasn't even her steak!

# ? Nov 30, 2021 13:31

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# ? May 29, 2024 19:41

Bargearse: Nov 27, 2006; 🛑 Don't get your pen🖊️, son, you won't be 👌 needing that 😌. My 🥡 order's 💁 simple😉, a shitload 💩 of dim sims 🌯🀄. And I want a bucket 🪣 of soya sauce☕😋.

teen witch posted:

Hello goons,

This peculiar little thing has been brought to my attention. As I know little about Python, and many people have told me �no keep it that way, trust me�, I do feel others may get a kick out of this. Terrible relationship advice into a program.

https://github.com/tykavanaugh/rfuck

Currently very much a work in progress since most basic operators besides very, very simple loops and variable assignment has not been implemented yet.

A functional "hello world" program (or just "hello" right now) that prints "HELLO" to the console:

Output:

Better than your average Microsoft product tbqh

# ? Nov 30, 2021 13:31

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

What was the name of the loving idiot in that children's book series that would take everything literally? Like she was told to stake the garden so she ended up putting throwing a bunch of steaks in the dirt.

# ? Nov 30, 2021 14:34

YggiDee: Sep 12, 2007; WASP CREW

Amelia Bedelia!

# ? Nov 30, 2021 14:36

webmeister: Jan 31, 2007; The answer is, mate, because I want to do you slowly. There has to be a bit of sport in this for all of us. In the psychological battle stakes, we are stripped down and ready to go. I want to see those ashen-faced performances; I want more of them. I want to be encouraged. I want to see you squirm.

SilvergunSuperman posted:

I feel like that's barely a blip on the creep meter to say hi unless he's lying about how badly things ended.

Is this a trap? Am I the creep?

He�s probably not lying, but I�d guess his perception is very different from hers. His description sounds like she bailed when he wanted to spend every waking moment with her, or professed his undying love for her immediately, or turned up to the second date with a suitcase or whatever.

But if she�s taken the trouble to delete him from social media, she absolutely wants nothing to do with him. Popping up several years later and saying that he still thinks about her is definitely going to get some alarm bells ringing.

# ? Nov 30, 2021 14:36

vonnegutt: Aug 7, 2006; Hobocamp.

Pope Corky the IX posted:

What was the name of the loving idiot in that children's book series that would take everything literally? Like she was told to stake the garden so she ended up putting throwing a bunch of steaks in the dirt.

Amelia Bedelia! Her whole deal was that she was extremely literal but also made extremely good cake so they forgave her for doing all that poo poo.

# ? Nov 30, 2021 14:36

Soylent Pudding: Jun 22, 2007; We've got people!

WIBTA For Asking My (29F) BF(28M) to Move Out?

quote:

I (29F) have been dating my BF (28M) for over 4 years. He moved in (as an "add-in" to my lease, but I am the sole renter) with me in August even though he works an hour away so he travels 2 hours a day for work. I told him he should move closer to work from his parents house, but he really wanted to live with me so I agreed and insisted he would make his life harder by doing this, but he's an adult he knows what consequences are. I lived about 10 minutes from my school, my car was about to break down (and it has), since I am finishing up my graduate degree and needed to be close by to work on my dissertation and teach classes which I am doing next semester. However, about two weeks into moving in with my BF my mom was diagnosed with cancer, had surgery to remove the tumor, and is currently undergoing chemotherapy until either December or March.

When I come back my apartment is disheveled and it stresses me out.

The apartment smells bad. The bedsheets smells like vinegar because my BF doesn't like to wear clothes when he sleeps, sweats, and then doesn't change the sheets as often as he should so it is up to me to do it. I would change sheets every two weeks but when I left it up to him, I lasted about a month before I physically couldn't sleep because the smell was so bad.

Leaves the towel on the floor so the bedroom also smells like mildew. One time I let him leave the towel on the floor and when I came back a week later it has never moved or made it to the laundry hamper.

Since he has moved in he has done laundry twice and he doesn't have a lot of clothes so he is reusing clothes he has worn often.

On weekends I am away due to caring for my mom or having to fly out for a conference, my BF invites his friends over for games and they leave a mess because I will find food chunks on the carpet. I am also mortified that he is bringing friends over with the apartment smelling bad or just not cleaned up so it makes us look like we don't know how to live.

Doesn't replace any groceries or toiletries when I'm gone and when I come back to my apartment I'm just out of coffee creamer, coffee, toilet paper, and/or essentials but he frequently buys beers and Delta 8 a few times a week so I know he is going to a store but it's probably just a beer store?

A few times, but this hasn't happened again, there was pee visibly on the toilet seat and I'm pretty sure he left it there for days.

I flipped my poo poo at him for leaving pee on the toilet seat. I told him it doesn't take hours to clean up after himself and he needed to do it. I want a partner and I'm not his mom. I might be the rear end in a top hat for not seeing it from his side. He said it was still unfair and I wan't seeing it from his side and he's tired all the time, but again he chose to move in with me because he thought it was a waste of move for us to have two apartments.

WIBTA for asking my BF to move out because I honestly do not think he doesn't know how to live on his own?

# ? Nov 30, 2021 14:37

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

That's her loving name, thank you.

EDIT: I used to live with a functioning alcoholic and the sheets never smelled that bad. What is his diet?

# ? Nov 30, 2021 14:38

blackmet: Aug 5, 2006; I believe there is a universal Truth to the process of doing things right (Not that I have any idea what that actually means).

vonnegutt posted:

Amelia Bedelia! Her whole deal was that she was extremely literal but also made extremely good cake so they forgave her for doing all that poo poo.

Hopefully nobody asked her to make a Chocolate mud cake.

# ? Nov 30, 2021 14:40

Soylent Pudding: Jun 22, 2007; We've got people!

AITA for Pretending to Be Blind?

quote:

I had a house party on Saturday night (5 people, fully vaccinated). We drank to glory and I woke up the next afternoon with a massive hangover. I suddenly had some work come up and had to take various calls.

I went out to my balcony so that I could work with fresh air and take calls without disturbing those passed out around me. Now, I live in a gated apartment community. All buildings are painted bright white. The sun was shining on the buildings and my hungover eyes were not taking kindly to the brightness, so I put on sunglasses. People have just moved into the house facing mine and have never seen me before.

A while later, I went to the apartment store to pick up one or two items with my sunglasses on (still afternoon). A lady names Jess introduced herself as the person who moved into the house facing mine and let me go in front of her at the cash register. I assumed it was because she had two carts of stuff and I had two items. I said thank you and moved up the line.

She then said, "you walk so well without your cane, my husband cannot walk without his!" I was a bit confused, she then asked me whether I am fully or partially blind. I responded that I am not blind. She asked me why I am wearing sunglasses then. I was honest and said that I am hungover and the bright lights are hurting my eyes. She was ENRAGED. She yelled at me for taking advantage and moving up the line. She said that she saw me wearing sunglasses on my balcony and that I am pretending to be blind to gain sympathy.

I told her that she could take her spot back in line, but I am not responsible for her assumptions. I can wear my own sunglasses whenever I please. She got even more pissed and continued saying that I am pretending to be blind and that I don't know how people who are blind like her husband feel. I was honestly confused. I told my friends once I came back, they agreed that she was out of line, but said that I probably touched a nerve since her husband is blind and that I should apologise.

So AITA?

# ? Nov 30, 2021 14:55

BIG FLUFFY DOG: Feb 16, 2011; On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.

Pope Corky the IX posted:

That's her loving name, thank you.

EDIT: I used to live with a functioning alcoholic and the sheets never smelled that bad. What is his diet?

Asparagus and only asparagus

# ? Nov 30, 2021 14:59

Soylent Pudding: Jun 22, 2007; We've got people!

AITA for telling my stepdaughter that vampires aren�t real?

quote:

I (M32) married my wife (F24) a year ago, and I have a stepdaughter (F5). Before we got married, the three of us went out to dinner, and my now-stepdaughter got to eat steak. At the end of the meal, she started licking the meat juice from the plate. I told her to stop, but my now-wife told me to let her be.

Later that night, my wife explained to me that my stepdaughter has had problems in the past with picky eating. My wife was worried that she wasn�t getting enough protein, and decided on a creative way to explain the importance of getting enough protein. Specifically, she decided to tell my stepdaughter that they were vampires, and that she would die if she didn�t get enough blood. Because my stepdaughter is a child, she believed my wife and started eating whatever meat was put in front of her. My wife was also able to use the vampire thing to convince her to eat tomatoes, beets, and other red vegetables.

I thought this seemed cute and creative until today, when my stepdaughter got suspended from Kindergarten. She bit another child on the neck, apparently in an attempt to drink his blood. When she and my wife got home, I overheard her explaining that my stepdaughter needs to be a �nice vampire who doesn�t bite.� I thought that was a little ridiculous.

Later, I saw my stepdaughter petting and kissing my dog�s neck. I freaked out, scared she was about to bite my dog (she claimed she was just petting him). I told her to go to her room, where I explained that vampires aren�t real and that her mom lied to her. She immediately burst into tears and ran to my wife.

My wife is pissed off at me for making her daughter cry and �overriding her parenting.� Maybe I did, but the situation was clearly getting out of hand, and I thought it was best to just stop lying to her. My wife says that she had things under control, and that the vampire lie is no different from lying about Santa. Still, something had to be done. AITA?

# ? Nov 30, 2021 15:06

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

"I have this all under control!" as my five year old daughter is sent home after attempting to chew threw her classmate's carotid artery.

# ? Nov 30, 2021 15:11

Railing Kill: Nov 14, 2008; You are the first crack in the sheer face of god. From you it will spread.

Pookah posted:

As a person with 20+ years experience living with an African grey parrot, the only response you're going to get is 'gently caress you'.

Maybe "gently caress you WOOO HEHEHEHE" but that's only when they are feeling funny.

My sister's African Grey cusses like a sailor and I suspect he knows what they mean. Not in a literal sense, but he knows that saying certain things get humans wound up, so when he wants attention or is feeling saucy, he'll tell anyone who will hear him to "gently caress you" or "loving rear end in a top hat" or "motherfucker." The best thing is when he says my sister's ex-husband's name in a loving tone, and then follows it up with a hearty "gently caress you." The swearing mortifies my mom, so she tries to teach him other stuff like that is going to force the swearing out of his brain. Instead, now he perfectly whistles the Andy Griffith theme and then caps it off with a vigorous "gently caress OFF."

:parrot:

# ? Nov 30, 2021 15:18

Dik Hz: Feb 22, 2004; Fun with Science

GigaPeon posted:

Does anyone have the story where a guy was getting married and the father's present was to do a special dance with his brothers and wife but the guy wasn't allowed to dance cause he was too much of a goof or something?

I think about it a lot. WHAT WAS THE DANCE???

Maybe it was some sort of family Haka?

# ? Nov 30, 2021 15:19

cumpantry: Dec 18, 2020

think of the benefits of this delusion, though. got something in the house you don't want your kid loving with? line it with garlic. kid's acting up? threaten to stake her

# ? Nov 30, 2021 15:19

duck trucker: Oct 14, 2017; YOSPOS

cumpantry posted:

think of the benefits of this delusion, though. got something in the house you don't want your kid loving with? line it with garlic. kid's acting up? threaten to stake her

If you don't clean your room Van Helsing will find you and shoot you with a silver bullet

# ? Nov 30, 2021 15:22

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Just tell the kid you'll fart in their mouth, no need to hire some idiot that will gently caress your poo poo up.

# ? Nov 30, 2021 15:24

kimbo305: Jun 9, 2007; actually, yeah, I am a little mad

vonnegutt posted:

Amelia Bedelia! Her whole deal was that she was extremely literal but also made extremely good cake so they forgave her for doing all that poo poo.

In hindsight, I'm not sure that was the cake her boss was after.

# ? Nov 30, 2021 15:33

muscles like this!: Jan 17, 2005

Dik Hz posted:

Maybe it was some sort of family Haka?

No, the dad was just extremely weird and was constantly making the family do elaborate choreography.

# ? Nov 30, 2021 15:34

OB-GYN Kenobi: Dec 4, 2017

cumpantry posted:

think of the benefits of this delusion, though. got something in the house you don't want your kid loving with? line it with garlic. kid's acting up? threaten to stake her

What's a bunch of meat going to do to your kid? idgi

# ? Nov 30, 2021 15:36

ScienceSeagull: May 17, 2021; Figure 1 Smart birds.

The story starts with the kid eating steak, so she's clearly immune to that one vampire weakness. If she's ever eaten meat with garlic, she may already be too powerful!

# ? Nov 30, 2021 15:47

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

Invisible Clergy posted:

Specifics vary, but if you're just going to use it yourself in your house, you can find an inexpensive one that's a cylinder that clamps on to the edge of your pot and plugs into the wall to get it to x temperature. That way, you can see if you like sous vide cooking.

You know what? Why not. Just ordered a $50 unit on Amazon with good ratings.

# ? Nov 30, 2021 15:52

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

The child just needs the distraction of some sensory activities. Might I suggest scattering grains for them to count and gather?

# ? Nov 30, 2021 15:55

a podcast for cats: Jun 22, 2005; Dogs reading from an artifact buried in the ruins of our civilization, "We were assholes- " and writing solemnly, "They were assholes."; Soiled Meat

GigaPeon posted:

Does anyone have the story where a guy was getting married and the father's present was to do a special dance with his brothers and wife but the guy wasn't allowed to dance cause he was too much of a goof or something?

I think about it a lot. WHAT WAS THE DANCE???

It's a worm dance. Danced to worm music obviously.

For content. It's a bit mundane, but the mermaid pose sealed the deal for me.

quote:

My husband's multi-hour workout routine makes me so ANGRY

My husband and I are in our mid-thirties and struggling financially. We don't have any children, and I despair of ever being able to afford them or any reasonable kind of maternity leave.

I am a PhD student and I support both of us on my 30k stipend. I work additional side/research jobs to bring in extra income to keep us afloat. My income supports our rent, food, car payments, his health insurance...todo.

My husband is a translator who primarily works on books and literature. He has not had a meaningful paycheck since November of last year. He has gotten a few small small payouts ($500) for a short story etc. He has always lived paycheck to paycheck and is so focused on making this career work he accepts the unreliable, low income. His best year he got a major grant and his income was closer to 20k.

Working from home has put pressure on the situation, as I have to watch/hear him on his daily exercise and self-care routine while I work on my dissertation and teaching/side hustle duties. He typically does one hour of yoga, then goes on about an hour run, and then another hour of yoga. Then he will shower etc. It is like, basically the whole afternoon.

He easily could have a part-time job in this time but me asking him to do that has been a total non-starter. He gets incredibly upset and tearful and says I don't appreciate everything he does around the house and then manically scrolls through job boards. I relent and say I don't want him to work at Home Depot and encourage him to get more translation contracts or get someone to actually pay him for work.

I am tired and sad. I realize that he will probably expect me to support him and that if I want to have children I will to figure out how to make that work on my own. I am also sad because while I wanted a career in academia, it is clear to me that it is too precarious and low-paid for me to invest in when I want a family.

He is in mermaid pose right now and my blood pressure is through the roof. I feel like such an rear end in a top hat. But also, AHHHHHHHHHHHH.

edit: comments had this nugget too

quote:

I love his gentle spirit and his deep aesthetic sense of Latin American literature.

a podcast for cats fucked around with this message at 16:12 on Nov 30, 2021

# ? Nov 30, 2021 16:01

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

a podcast for cats posted:

For content. It's a bit mundane, but the mermaid pose sealed the deal for me.

lol. It's not the workout that pisses her off, it's the doing nothing else except working out. But it's easy to see how that becomes an avatar for his lack of income. If he was making 20k per year working part time and also doing three hours a day of fitness stuff she'd probably be fine. If dude eats well he's probably ripped.

# ? Nov 30, 2021 16:12

a podcast for cats: Jun 22, 2005; Dogs reading from an artifact buried in the ruins of our civilization, "We were assholes- " and writing solemnly, "They were assholes."; Soiled Meat

She clarifies in the comments, that they split housework, etc:

quote:

He deserves credit for being excellent with house stuff. We have a good split that I am happy with-- shared cooking and dishes, each does own laundry. We do house cleaning together. He does most of the yardwork, I do grocery shopping and any admin ( taxes, appointments, travel org, bills). If anything, i think he uses the spare time to also be intense with cleaning (for example, he has a very precise and uh, exact way of folding his clothes).

# ? Nov 30, 2021 16:14

Cthulu Carl: Apr 16, 2006

a podcast for cats posted:

It's a worm dance. Danced to worm music obviously.

For content. It's a bit mundane, but the mermaid pose sealed the deal for me.

edit: comments had this nugget too

r/relationships: He is in mermaid pose right now and my blood pressure is through the roof.

# ? Nov 30, 2021 16:18

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

A guy with no income but stays in shape and does a good share of the housework has got to be a top 10-20% catch for this thread tbqh. He should try to get more work of course.

I think being stuck at home with someone is going to make everything they do a bit more annoying. Dealing with that in my own life right now. "I can't believe this rear end in a top hat is doing YOGA!!!" just becomes natural when you spend 24 hours a day with someone for like two straight years because of a pandemic.

# ? Nov 30, 2021 16:19

Soylent Pudding: Jun 22, 2007; We've got people!

AITA for sending My Friend a screenshot of the comment her Fiance left on my Social Media post?

quote:

Throwaway for privacy.

Recovering Cancer Patient here! Hi 👋. I'm 24 year old recovering female cancer patient (sorry but gunna be vague with medical info hope you guys understand) and the past few months have been hard. I have a great support specifically my best friend Claire. Claire's engaged and we're best friends. She helped so much during treatment and been there every step of the way.

I lost most of my hair due to treatment. I had no problem wearing wigs since I already used to have extensions on my hair since I'm big on beauty and makeup and always try to wear different looks despite Claire's fiance making snide comments about how my eyelashes, lenses, nails are "fake".

Yesterday I posted a pic of myself on my social media account wearing a new long brown wig. I recieved many positive comments except for one from Claire's fiance who commented "LMFAO...it used to be extensions now it's a full on wig! It's like they don't hide fake anymore!" I felt horrible. I took a screenshot of his comment and sent it to Claire. She didn't answer my calls but I heard from a friend that they got into a huge fight and she left the apartment after that. My friend said maybe I shouldn't have forwarded the comment her fiance made to Claire because now I created an issue when I could've dealt with it better. Ngl I felt guilty especially thinking about the stress Claire must be feeling from her fight with her fiance that I stirred initially.

AITA? Should I not have sent the screenshot?

# ? Nov 30, 2021 16:20

New Coke: Nov 28, 2009; WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING IN LIFE.

I think Claire is much better off having learned this about her fiance now than after the wedding.

# ? Nov 30, 2021 16:25

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for sending My Friend a screenshot of the comment her Fiance left on my Social Media post?

I can't even imagine staying with a person after they make literally a single snide comment about fake lashes or whatever for a loving cancer patient. Actually, for anyone, who gives a poo poo. But especially for a cancer patient. What an absolute piece of poo poo.

# ? Nov 30, 2021 16:27

oh jay: Oct 15, 2012

a podcast for cats posted:

for example, he has a very precise and uh, exact way of folding his clothes

If you can forward fold in yoga, you can forward fold your laundry.

# ? Nov 30, 2021 16:27

Soylent Pudding: Jun 22, 2007; We've got people!

AITA for telling the kids their dad took this year's Christmas away from them?

quote:

Please read before you judge, thank you!

So I'm a working mother of 3 kids (9,11,5). My husband used to have a job but was let go at the end of 2020 and hasn't worked since then. Yes he worked in few places here and there like the gas station but he couldn't keep it because he lacked "motive & passion".

All in all our financial situation isn't so great BUT I've decided to start saving money to be able to get the decent Christmas celebration the kids wanted and couldn't get in 2019-2020. I've put money aside to buy decoration and prepare meals and also gifts but just a couple days ago found out that my husband had taken $500 out of my account and from the money I saved (the rest of my salary goes to bills and grocery) and gave them to his little brother to help him out in child support. I found out and had a big argument with him about how he essentially stole this year's Christmas from the kids to help his irresponsible brother pay for child support. My husband apologytically said he had no choice and was pushed by family to contribute and pay part of his brother's child support otherwise they won't see their nephews/grandchildren since his brother's baby mama is vicious and spiteful. The kids came in and I just told them that unfortunately I can't afford Christmas this year and it's because of their dad who took it away from them by taking the money I saved. there was utter silence and my husband glanced at me in disbelieve. He told the kids to go to their rooms and screamed asking wtf is wrong with me to spout this kind of bullshit infront of the kids. I said it's the truth and that I sacrificed so much to save money to give the kids some joy this holiday then he selfishly took the money and gave it away. He said he would pay me back in time before Christmas but I don't see this possible since he don't even has gas money. He got pissed and said I shouldn't tell the kids that he took their Christmas money and that the psychological damage I'm doing to the kids is worth a lot more than money and accused me of turning the kids against him and making them resent him for trying to help out a family member and stormed off and spent time with his family who accused me of causing my children mental traumas by saying their dad took Christmas away from them and alienating them from him.

Adding this [Just wanted to say that the kids know that mommy is the money who brings home money and so if Christmas gets canceled and because of money then they'll think it's because of me, I had many many conversations with them about it and last thing I want is to see them disappinted in me for something that is not my fault]. Thank you!.

# ? Nov 30, 2021 16:29

duck trucker: Oct 14, 2017; YOSPOS

Repeatedly insulting the appearance of your partners friend with cancer might not be the stupidest action seen in this thread but it's definitely near the top.

# ? Nov 30, 2021 16:31

boop the snoot: Jun 3, 2016

Hellblazer187 posted:

A guy with no income but stays in shape and does a good share of the housework has got to be a top 10-20% catch for this thread tbqh. He should try to get more work of course.

I think being stuck at home with someone is going to make everything they do a bit more annoying. Dealing with that in my own life right now. "I can't believe this rear end in a top hat is doing YOGA!!!" just becomes natural when you spend 24 hours a day with someone for like two straight years because of a pandemic.

I would be annoyed after a bit of time if my SO spent a few hours essentially dancing and posing every day while I was working to support us.

It's a perfectly reasonable thing to be annoyed about regardless of how much time you spend together.

# ? Nov 30, 2021 16:40

Everett False: Sep 28, 2006; Mopsy, I'm starting to question your medical credentials.

quote:

My husband's multi-hour workout routine makes me so ANGRY

There's an amount of concern for looks here (not just the workouts, but being very specific about how his clothes are folded) that gives me the vibe that he's going for a trophy husband thing. Like he's sort of accepted that he's not gonna be the breadwinner and has decided to throw himself wholeheartedly into achieving hotness. But he'd need to be doing a lot more of the housework if he wanted to achieve fuckbutler status, and it's not like she's making fuckbutler maintenance money, even setting aside that she never agreed to that arrangement.

# ? Nov 30, 2021 16:45

sean10mm: Jun 29, 2005; It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World

The entire genre of stories involving a seemingly squared away wife supporting a totally parasitic manbaby who contributed nothing for years never fails to blow my mind. Like I know there's some bias ~~and some of them are just made up~~ but holy poo poo, what is the secret to all these turbo failures getting women to just let them leech off of them?

# ? Nov 30, 2021 16:47

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

He probably fucks and looks good though for a useless lump of a man tough call

# ? Nov 30, 2021 16:47

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# ? May 29, 2024 19:41

sean10mm: Jun 29, 2005; It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World

SMEGMA_MAIL posted:

He probably fucks and looks good though for a useless lump of a man tough call

In the specific instance of the yoga maniac yeah, but most of these guys seem to also be couch potatoes who don't wash their nuts.

# ? Nov 30, 2021 16:50

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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