Australiana: Dead set tiny cunt he is too hey

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Maximum Sexy Pigeon: Jun 5, 2008; We must never speak of this!

https://www.racv.com.au/royalauto/transport/worst-car-fails.html
Five worst car fails in Aussie history

The Ford Falcon XK

This was the very first all-Australian Ford, so when it was launched in 1960, the entire future of Ford Australia rested on its sleek shoulders. A shame, then, that the car was under-developed and soon gained a reputation for falling to bits. Not in a small way, either; the entire front suspension was pretty likely to collapse the first time you hit a decent pothole which, in 1960 Australia, was usually during the car�s maiden voyage home to show the neighbours.

Ford was sent scrambling to fix the problem, which it did by adding stronger parts to the car�s structure, but the marketing damage had already been done. It would take Ford another three models and half a decade before many buyers would take the Falcon badge seriously again. The tragedy is that the actual XK Falcon was so far ahead of its Holden competition in so many ways that, had the Ford hung together, it should have blitzed Holden in the sales race.

Vacuum windscreen wipers

The idea of having a component on a car that can take care of two tasks rather than just one is usually a sign of great design. But when it came to vacuum windscreen wipers, which persisted on Holden�s cars right up into the 1960s, the reality was rather different.

Instead of using a nice, simple, efficient electric motor to drive the wiper arms and clear your windscreen, vacuum wipers used, er, vacuum, a normal by-product of a car engine, to power those arms. The catch was that an engine only makes a useful amount of vacuum when it�s running at a steady throttle, idling, or is decelerating. Put your foot on the throttle to accelerate and the vacuum disappears.

Can you see the problem here? That�s right, every time you accelerated on a rainy day, your wipers would take a break and sit there uselessly on the windscreen while goodness knows what hurtled towards you. At least you never knew what hit you. Literally.

Holden four-cylinder Commodore

As four-wheeled turkeys go, the original four-cylinder Commodore of 1980 could soar with the best of them. Worried about fuel economy, Holden took its Commodore sedan and fitted a four-cylinder engine for those customers who valued squeezing every last kilometre out of every last litre.

There�s actually nothing wrong with the concept, but the execution was awful. The engine itself was more or less a Holden six-cylinder (itself no paragon of virtue) with a pair of cylinders sliced off. The result was an engine that was harsh and rough to use, didn�t rev nicely and made barely enough power to get the Commodore moving out from the kerb.

It pretty soon became a standing joke among car enthusiasts and an alarm bell for car buyers. And here�s the terribly irony: Because you had to drive the thing so hard to get anywhere, its fuel economy was barely (if any) better than the same Commodore with the six-cylinder engine. Truly, this car was a bigger flop than the Leyland P76, and that was a car that could set its own carpets alight!

Ford dumps the V8 engine

Of all the inexplicable marketing and product planning decisions that have been made over the years, Ford�s decision to drop the V8 engine from its line-up for the XF Falcon model of 1984 must rate up there with the loopiest. Despite the fact that Aussie family-car buyers loved the V8 and the fact that a huge percentage of Falcons were ordered with tow-bars, Ford decided it knew better and axed the V8 option.

In the process, it handed V8 buyers to Holden on a silver platter and waved them goodbye. Even though Ford was to reinstate the V8 option about a decade later, the cultural damage had been done and Holden was by then regarded as the company to turn to for a performance sedan. And all this despite the fact that it was Ford that had democratised the V8 engine way back in the 1930s.

The loss of local car-making

Up until just a handful of years ago, Australia was one of about 12 countries on the planet that could take a sheet of steel and produce a car from scratch. That we could design, engineer, build and sell a home-grown car said a lot about that legendary Aussie ability to create and innovate.

But eventually, the federal government lost interest in propping up an industry that didn�t involve digging stuff up and selling it overseas, so the car industry here was doomed. But what a lot of people (many of them in government) failed to acknowledge was that there�s not one car industry in any country that isn�t financially supported to some extent by its government.

And even though the savings created by not giving hand-outs to the car industry helped balance the budget that year, nobody stopped to consider the inevitable and ongoing effect on welfare payments created by forcing thousands of people out of jobs. Our cars weren�t always world beaters (though they were sometimes) but they were ours. And now they�re gone.

# ? Dec 24, 2021 13:30

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# ? May 28, 2024 18:51

Vladimir Poutine: Aug 13, 2012

Can�t remember the name of it right now but there was a car that was basically the Adelaide equivalent of the Trabant. Only a few hundred were made and if you wanted to reverse you had to stop the engine and then start it backwards lol

# ? Dec 25, 2021 01:13

Maximum Sexy Pigeon: Jun 5, 2008; We must never speak of this!

Vladimir Poutine posted:

Can�t remember the name of it right now but there was a car that was basically the Adelaide equivalent of the Trabant. Only a few hundred were made and if you wanted to reverse you had to stop the engine and then start it backwards lol

Trying to find out, but even with what claim to be "comprehensive" lists of cars produced in Australia in the 60's, there are still plenty missing.

There's an old arty fella around here known as Mad Mick and one of his quirks is owning rare old cars most people have never heard of, one of which was an Adelaide built French car that was styled like a late 50's American car, fins and all, but I cannot remember what it was for the life of me.

He used to get about in a grey Studebaker Lark wagon but these days he prefers a 56-57 Nash Rambler Cross Country (Presumably because it's the only one that currently works).

EG: Like this but with the colours reversed and not as clean looking. Anyone from inner Sydney might recognise it.

# ? Dec 25, 2021 02:10

coldpudding: May 14, 2009; FORUM GHOST

Vladimir Poutine posted:

Can�t remember the name of it right now but there was a car that was basically the Adelaide equivalent of the Trabant. Only a few hundred were made and if you wanted to reverse you had to stop the engine and then start it backwards lol

Are you thinking of the lightburn zeta https://shorturl.at/bnqCN
I only know about it because they used to make washing machines and cement mixers with the same barrel and bearings.

edit: :yaycloud:

coldpudding fucked around with this message at 09:21 on Dec 25, 2021

# ? Dec 25, 2021 03:52

Maximum Sexy Pigeon: Jun 5, 2008; We must never speak of this!

coldpudding posted:

Are you thinking of the lightburn zeta https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zeta_(automobile)
I only know about it because they used to make washing machines and cement mixers with the same barrel and bearings.

URL doesn't work cos of the underscore, try this: http://shorturl.at/qEOT6

# ? Dec 25, 2021 04:01

Carlos Lantana: Oct 2, 2003; I'm really sorry, your avatar is giving me a boner and while that is perfectly OK and I don't want to kink shame anyone, its making me feel really weird getting a boner in a Trump thread.

Sincerely,

Jailbrekr

let's drop a 351 into a 240z and see what happens

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bolwell_Nagari

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ? Dec 25, 2021 04:16

Maximum Sexy Pigeon: Jun 5, 2008; We must never speak of this!

Carlos Lantana posted:

let's drop a 351 into a 240z and see what happens

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bolwell_Nagari

Not much

# ? Dec 25, 2021 05:57

Laserface: Dec 24, 2004

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brabham_BT62 don't forget this thing

# ? Dec 25, 2021 05:57

coldpudding: May 14, 2009; FORUM GHOST

I found some pics of the lightburn zeta and the zeta sports

I love how the zeta sports looks like an slightly oversized pedal car,

# ? Dec 25, 2021 09:49

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

coldpudding posted:

I love how the zeta sports looks like an slightly oversized pedal car,

# ? Dec 25, 2021 10:19

huh: Jan 23, 2004; Dinosaur Gum

Of the Bolwell Mk VII:

"...and a Holden 202 with triple SU carburettors, but it has got a Celica five-speed."

This was exactly what I had in a HX ute. It drove really smooth!

edit to add: it was even that same colour and had flutes in the guards as well.

# ? Dec 25, 2021 10:48

huh: Jan 23, 2004; Dinosaur Gum

Maximum Sexy Pigeon posted:

6. Ford AU Falcon
Whereas the HD Holden had an ugly front, the AU Falcon, had an ugly front, middle and rump. With front and rear lights looking like a sad clown, all of the models were grotesque, but the pick of the bunch was the base-model Forte with its Waterfall grille. It didn�t look anything like that, of course, but it did bear more than a passing resemblance to the gaping maw of a baleen whale.

Perfect.

# ? Dec 25, 2021 10:52

huh: Jan 23, 2004; Dinosaur Gum

Farkin' look at this. If I'm reading this right (edit, I wasn't) ~~it had a 302 Windsor in it. And then a 351 Cleveland!~~

huh fucked around with this message at 10:59 on Dec 25, 2021

# ? Dec 25, 2021 10:55

Maximum Sexy Pigeon: Jun 5, 2008; We must never speak of this!

coldpudding posted:

This is me trying to use a bathtub

# ? Dec 25, 2021 10:57

Vladimir Poutine: Aug 13, 2012

coldpudding posted:

Are you thinking of the lightburn zeta https://shorturl.at/bnqCN
I only know about it because they used to make washing machines and cement mixers with the same barrel and bearings.

edit:

Haha yeah , that�s it!

Also from the Wikipedia article:

quote:

With the Zeta, however, failure was engineered into the product from day one.

# ? Dec 25, 2021 11:58

~Coxy: Dec 9, 2003; R.I.P. Inter-OS Sass - b.2000AD d.2003AD

huh posted:

Perfect.

I was stuck behind a EF/EL XR8 yesterday, I love those bastards.

# ? Dec 25, 2021 14:13

Inceltown: Aug 6, 2019

https://twitter.com/BeccaHayne/status/1477781260604821506

# ? Jan 3, 2022 07:52

Comstar: Apr 20, 2007; Are you happy now?

My father said the P76 was the easiest car he ever had to park because it was all straight angles and you knew exactly where the car was at all times.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 09:32

Blow: Feb 10, 2004

# ? Jan 8, 2022 09:07

Blow: Feb 10, 2004

# ? Jan 8, 2022 09:10

Abongination: Aug 18, 2010; Life, it's the shit that happens while you're waiting for moments that never come.; Pillbug

When I was super young in Queensland all the adults encouraged us to murder canetoads all the time.

I have many cane toad murdering memories of Townsville.

# ? Jan 8, 2022 09:52

Inceltown: Aug 6, 2019

# ? Jan 13, 2022 06:57

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

Inceltown posted:

Yeah file that under "Reasons not to go back to Marble Bar"

# ? Jan 13, 2022 07:10

Inceltown: Aug 6, 2019

Outrail posted:

Yeah file that under "Reasons not to go back to Marble Bar"

Have I got the hot new holiday destination for you then

# ? Jan 13, 2022 07:29

webmeister: Jan 31, 2007; The answer is, mate, because I want to do you slowly. There has to be a bit of sport in this for all of us. In the psychological battle stakes, we are stripped down and ready to go. I want to see those ashen-faced performances; I want more of them. I want to be encouraged. I want to see you squirm.

There�s a kickarse Aboriginal art gallery in Roebourne next door, but dealing with 50+ temps is just lol

# ? Jan 13, 2022 08:34

Inceltown: Aug 6, 2019

webmeister posted:

There�s a kickarse Aboriginal art gallery in Roebourne next door, but dealing with 50+ temps is just lol

28 in June / July and a total of 3 days rain between the two months seems much better.

# ? Jan 13, 2022 08:47

webmeister: Jan 31, 2007; The answer is, mate, because I want to do you slowly. There has to be a bit of sport in this for all of us. In the psychological battle stakes, we are stripped down and ready to go. I want to see those ashen-faced performances; I want more of them. I want to be encouraged. I want to see you squirm.

Yeah we were there in July and it wasn�t too bad. Cool ghost town nearby too while I�m giving out travel tips

# ? Jan 13, 2022 11:01

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

Inceltown posted:

Have I got the hot new holiday destination for you then

Yeah that's a hard Mardie pass for me thanks mate.

e: Oh poo poo, I used to work 100km south of there in Onslow. gently caress that noise.

Outrail fucked around with this message at 18:12 on Jan 13, 2022

# ? Jan 13, 2022 16:19

Caesar Saladin: Aug 15, 2004

as a ginger, I would turn 100% cancer in about a minute, I'd start steaming like a vampire in the sun immediately

# ? Jan 13, 2022 16:20

Inceltown: Aug 6, 2019

# ? Jan 13, 2022 18:46

Maximum Sexy Pigeon: Jun 5, 2008; We must never speak of this!

Abongination posted:

When I was super young in Queensland all the adults encouraged us to murder canetoads all the time.

I have many cane toad murdering memories of Townsville.

Same, we built weapons.

webmeister posted:

Yeah we were there in July and it wasn�t too bad. Cool ghost town nearby too while I�m giving out travel tips

Wittenoom?

# ? Jan 14, 2022 07:23

webmeister: Jan 31, 2007; The answer is, mate, because I want to do you slowly. There has to be a bit of sport in this for all of us. In the psychological battle stakes, we are stripped down and ready to go. I want to see those ashen-faced performances; I want more of them. I want to be encouraged. I want to see you squirm.