Cool Dad posted:

r/relationships: I stood up, stared him in the eye, and poo poo my pants

quote:

Well everything went banana's after that. My brother in law and his wife were disgusted and started yelling for me and my wife to leave, saying I was "hosed up" and could never come back, the kids at the party were crying, and all the other family and friends there were ganging up on me too.

OhAreThey posted:

Geez, damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I'm sober and if a heavy drinking friend of mine decided to stop drinking around me, I'd consider that a positive step.

OhAreThey posted:

Geez, damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I'm sober and if a heavy drinking friend of mine decided to stop drinking around me, I'd consider that a positive step.

quote:

I (34F) have a pretty successful career in France and I'm doing pretty well for myself. I also have a twin sister and younger brother (34F & 28M) who I thought were also doing well. With my busy life, I don't get to come to the States and see my family often, but when I do we have a good time since we have a good relationship.

Last week, I came to visit my family and plan to stay until February since my job will be remote for a bit. It was then when I noticed everything was a bit weird. When I walked through the door, my sister's kids (2M and 1F) were excited to see me and the oldest kept saying "Mama back! Mama back!" I thought they were just confused since we look alike and they've never seen us in the same room together.

However, my BIL (36M) pulled me to the side and told me how my sister had left him late November. Of course, I was shocked and asked how him and the kids were doing. He explained how they're too young to understand everything, but would like if I extended my visit and pretended to be their mom since he doesn't want them to experience so much hurt so young. I instantly told him no and carried on with my day.

I thought this issue was put to rest until yesterday when my mom (56F) told me how she was extremely disappointed in me for not helping out my BIL and thought I should at least try it for a bit since he's in distress. I honestly don't know what to do, my family's a bit old fashioned and wants me to help my BIL, but it'll be weird for me pretending to be my sister and their mom.

TLDR: My twin sister left my BIL and he and my mother want me to pretend to be her so that the kids aren't pained from the hurt of her leaving.

greazeball posted:

I'm getting extreme calm hitler vibes from the drinker. Audible crying from the "private room at the end of the house" is not really normal drinking behaviour. The next night would have been a better time to lay off, but using the excuse of "well I still have 4 beers so I better drink them all" is a pretty obvious crutch.

The lack of any supportive responses also makes me think that they had a little babby meltdown and got called out for it.

OhAreThey posted:

Wait, are you referring to the sister who is saying things like "why are you whispering about a pride flag?" as using "weapons-grade decorum"? I think she's just doing what people recommend you to do bring bigots down a peg: ask them to explain their bigotry.

quote:

She had me when she was FOURTEEN. And I (24M) was given up for adoption. My parents told me about her growing up. I still have the letter she wrote me that she asked if they could give it to me if they wanted.

It’s crazy reading it sometimes and knowing it was a literal child who wrote it saying she’s sorry she couldn’t be my mommy but she hopes I’m happy. She was open to having contact but we moved for my dad’s job when I was 11 and then it seemed impossible to find her.

But luckily I did.

She’s working at this small restaurant and I keep going but she doesn’t know it’s me. We talk sometimes. And she seems like a nice lady. Sometime when she says something like “do you want a refill, honey” or uses another term like that I wanna tell her. Idk why it makes me nervous. We talk sometimes and she seems really genuine. If it’s not super busy she’s more open to talking about random stuff. I literally drive 2 hours to come eat at this place just to see her. And it’s like she knows me already because I’m there once or 2 times a week for the past 3 months so she always says hi with a big smile.

But man if only she knew

quote:

Well… I did it I told her. And yeah it was pretty heavy. My heart was even beating fast. i kept trying to think how to tell her. Many of the comments on my last post here mentioned writing her a letter just how she wrote a letter for me. Originally that was the plan but for me it felt like I needed to say it.

Oh, really quick I wanna say thanks to everyone for their love and support. Mostly to all the birth parents out there who shared their stories with me. That’s what really helped push me to have the courage to confront her. It meant so much so thanks.

Everything happened day before yesterday btw.

I did wait for her to be done with her shift and that was when they were closing the restaurant already. And waited in the parking lot. We said hi when she saw me first but then I told her there was something serious that she needed to know. First told her sorry for keeping it from her this long. She didn’t react until I actually pulled out her letter.

And she started bawling from there. Like screaming and crying at the same time, and didn’t even have to finish the whole “I’m your son” speech. She just saw it and knew. It was crazy. Next thing I know she’s hugging me instantly but then she pulled back and asked if it’s okay to hug me. Ofc it is and we’re just there hugging an crying in the parking lot. It hit her hard though. Her legs gave out for a second so I had to actually hold her up while she’s still hugging me for a min.

What really got me was her saying to me look how big you got. also hearing her cry made me cry too. She went back to open the restaurant up (she wouldn’t take no for an answer) we had coffee, ate a slice of their pie inside and talked. Soooo many stuff we talked about. She told me the second time I came to the restaurant she got a feeling but for her it was hard believe it was me. So that feeling she had was pushed way down.

Because she told me for years after I was adopted she saw kids that would be my age and used to think they were me. Then she would be crying in public. It hosed with her mind a lot and made her depressed so she didn’t want to do the same when she saw me, getting her hopes up like that.

She says I look so much like my biological dad when he was younger though. We talked about him too. They stayed in contact with eachother incase I ever reached out to one of them so it would be easier to contact the other. I didn’t have hope about finding my biological dad since he was never mentioned so I’m glad they both planned for this future scenario. She told me about how they wanted to keep me. Especially my biological dad, he didn’t want me to be adopted. But he knew they had to because they were just kids. It took him a long time to get passed it after I was born she told me. That’s why he didn’t leave anything because he didn’t wanna believe he might not see me again.

We talked for hours. Til almost 2 in the morning (they closed at 11). She just wanted to know everything about me but her main thing was “am I happy”. Were my parents good to me. Did I have a happy childhood. And I did. I told her thank you for helping to give me this life. We both cried again. She cried the most. Everything was very emotional for her. Sometimes she would look really happy but then get sad again.

After my 18th birthday she was hoping I would find her that’s why she stayed in the same city. But since I didn’t she always thought maybe I resented her, wasn’t told I’m adopted, or maybe had decided it was better not to have her around. It made me feel bad for not telling her sooner. She told me it’s not my fault and I did right going at my own pace. Honestly she’s so sweet. The way she kept looking at me with the biggest smile, it made me emotional sometimes. Makes you think how can someone who’s been a total stranger ur whole life look at you with so much love. It’s wild. We learned so much about eachother. She asked me if we could have dinner soon to keep talking. And if at some point in the future if I’m interested come over to her house so I can meet her husband. That all sounded really great.

We exchanged numbers. After I left she sent a text telling me thank you for giving her this gift that she didn’t know if it would ever come.

My girlfriend came over and she hugged me while I cried. I wasn’t sad btw these were happy tears. Everything went better than I expected. There was still emotionally heavy stuff but I’m still glad that we got to open up to eachother.

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for not drinking around my largely sober friends?

quote:

My boyfriend (Eric) graduated with his master's in the spring, and his parents threw him a big party to celebrate. He's hoping to become a teacher and is currently working as a substitute. We've been dating for almost three years after meeting in college, but when I stumbled upon something that I bought to his attention, he made me out to be the enemy while accusing me of "not being on his side"

Eric is involved in a few role-play groups on Twitter, and he has a few accounts that portray various fictional characters. He's also into D&D, but writing stories for his RP group to act out is his hobby, and while I'm not a part of the group, I followed some of the accounts to keep up with his storylines, and he sometimes asks me for opinions on his stories. However, I stumbled upon an account that I wasn't supposed to find, but did because some of his RP accounts followed it (as many of his accounts follow each other), and it was an account that impersonated one of his friends. Long story short... there's a guy named Evan who is in his D&D group, and Evan is one of his closest friends. Evan also has a younger brother (Todd) who sometimes tags along to D&D, and he is a talented artist who has drawn many of Eric's characters and profile photos for his RP accounts too. And while I'm not an active member of D&D, I've met him a few times when I've tagged along on days when Eric would invite me

Evan and Todd come from a military family where both of their parents served, but Evan went to college. Todd wanted to go into the service upon finishing high school, but Eric would try to convince him to go to college because he believed it was better than the service. However, Todd still wanted to enter. So, Eric spoke to Evan to try and get him on his side, but Evan reinforced that the choice was ultimately Todd's and that there are benefits to both the military and college. So, neither would be a bad choice, and I agreed with that too. However, when an injury would prevent Todd from being able to enter, Eric believed that he would opt for college, but he landed an internship through a connection with his father that would allow him to learn a trade instead, and that is what led to what happened recently

Eric made a Twitter that impersonated Todd, but unlike his RP accounts, he actually made it look like Todd's actual account and began using it to make fun of him. He downloaded photos of Todd and used them to make memes that degraded him for not going to college, some calling him "stupid" and "how he got what he deserved" by suffering the injury and not being able to enter, but he didn't stop there. He also downloaded photos from the accounts of family/relatives and began making fun of them for the internship he landed, posting photos of people who weren't Todd too. When I told him what I found and asked why he felt he could do this, he said that "everyone sucks up to military families" and that they're "probably poor enough to get free college" which is "better than an internship". When I pointed out a meme where he called Todd "mentally re____ted", he said it was "true" because they were "stupid to refuse college" and "think they're better than it". When I told him that he has no right to berate Todd and a bunch of people related to him, he refused to take it down and said it's "better than exploding in Todd's face" when it really bothers him as someone who has a master's in teaching and wants everyone to know how important school is. But, when I told him that Todd is entitled to his own opinion, he accused me of "taking Todd's side" and "not being sensitive of his ADHD" and how he uses Twitter to vent when he's "unable to focus" which allows him to "be more even keel in public". When I asked if he had done this to anyone else besides Todd, he told me to "mind my own business" and refused to take it down. He also said that he had "done this for a while" and that only now I had an issue with it, and the account about Todd was a few weeks old

quote:

Update:

After we talked that night, I planned to tell him that I wanted a break, but I didn't want to say it without preparing for him to potentially do the same to me on Twitter. So, after taking the advice of a lot of people, I decided to tell my family and relatives about how he had gone on a rampage of downloading photos of Todd's family/relatives and advised them to make their accounts private or block him, and a lot of them were really thankful that I told them. The main reason I did was because Eric downloaded photos of minors who were related to Todd, and I didn't want him doing the same to my family and making memes out of uninvolved people. I also spoke to Evan and told/showed him what had happened, and he was really upset and said that he and his parents were going to call the school Eric's interning/subbing at and let them know of what he's been doing not only to Todd, but also to minors in their family who he downloaded images of. He also said that he and his parents went to the police to address it, but as of writing, the account of Todd that Eric made is still somehow up and not yet deleted, and maybe it's because Eric made the account private after our initial conversation, but I don't know. I gave them all of my screenshots, but as of now, nothing has happened. Evan's parents also told/showed the school what happened, but he is still employed and subbing at the moment, and Evan said that they were having a hard time proving the account was Eric's although they are still trying to get it taken down. He also has relatives who are complaining to the school too about photos Eric downloaded of them and their children, but almost a month later, nothing has happened yet

After talking to Evan and my family, I told Eric that we were done, but he began making posts about me on one of his RP accounts and how I was apparently "cheating on him" and "trying to start rumors", and I screenshotted what he posted, but still nothing has happened. He also started posting about some prescriptions I've taken that I never told anyone besides family, but my relatives have been supportive throughout. But, I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt. He's also started posting memes about me too, and I have record of all of it, and I'm hoping that with time and all of the people/relatives reporting that something can happen soon, but I'm slightly surprised nothing has happened yet. Lastly, I want to say that this whole thing has shown a side of him that I've never really seen before. Like, we've argued. But, stumbling across this account and what he "uses to vent and cope with ADHD" just made him so aggressive because he said that it was "as if I was removing an inhaler from someone who needs it" when we talked that night and he got so defensive. That's what he compared it too, me "making fun of people with special needs" as he's also posted about, and that's where I am now. I feel like I've done almost as much as I can, and waiting is hard. So, if anyone has any advice on how to push through this time with an ex who's trying to destroy everyone I know, I would really appreciate it. But, it's hard right now, and I'll end with this. He's also gone about posting images of me too, but nothing explicit as we've never taken those. However, he's started posting photos of me when I was in high school and in dance and making degrading comments about my body, and I've taken screenshots of those to the police too as I'm still waiting to see what happens. I've been told that it can be a process, but that has hurt the most and is what I'm trying to push through, and if anyone has any advice on how to just get past a toxic ex who goes to such measures, I would really appreciate it because right now is really hard. I'm hoping something happens soon, but maybe it's just a process, but I could just use all of the advice I could get

​

TL;DR: After our initial conversation where I confronted him on what I found, I wanted to break up, but not immediately until I got some things in order after many of the helpful comments from the first post, and I decided to warn family/relatives to block him or make their accounts private, but he's started posting about me in the same way he did to Todd

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for telling my BIL I don't want to pretend to be his kids' mother?

Zulily Zoetrope posted:

Yes. Decorum dictates that you never pick a fight no matter how lovely someone else is being, and OP makes it quite clear they've always sided with their racist homophobic parents against the sister, so she just started pointedly not picking fights and engaging them in entirely good faith, which only pisses off the OP more because they suddenly have nothing to hide behind and have to pick at weak-rear end threads like "condescending" and "pretentious" which they can't even make look good in a reddit post where they entirely control the narrative.

OhAreThey posted:

Definitely. If this person does indeed have a drinking problem (sounds possible!), then I can totally imagine him making a huge stink about "choosing" not to drink around his pals. People without drinking problems can choose not to drink without making a spectacle of it.

teen witch posted:

Bingo! And yes, that’s the default on iOS, which that might be good for someone to know about (even though you can get to the other types of apostrophes by holding down the key).

gently caress, thank you, it’s bugged me for at least a solid year!!

sugar free jazz posted:

if you multiply the beer drinker's number of beers by 10 he clearly has a drinking problem, but if you divide his number of beers by 10 then his friends are being very rude. it really makes you think

CannonFodder posted:

I love the buried lede about the time and place of the incident.

This happened at a party with a lot of kids around.

You could say he was a... Party Pooper

The Bramble posted:

Found out that my(f22) boyfriend(m23) who recently graduated with his master's in teacher has been cyberbullying a friend for not going to college

he accused me of "taking Todd's side" and "not being sensitive of his ADHD

OhAreThey posted:

Definitely. If this person does indeed have a drinking problem (sounds possible!), then I can totally imagine him making a huge stink about "choosing" not to drink around his pals. People without drinking problems can choose not to drink without making a spectacle of it.

kimbo305 posted:

Is having some punctuation not allowed in thread titles impossible to fix?

kimbo305 posted:

Is having some punctuation not allowed in thread titles impossible to fix?

Agents are GO! posted:

"r/relationships'); DROP TABLE Threads;--"

The Bramble posted:

Found out that my(f22) boyfriend(m23) who recently graduated with his master's in teacher has been cyberbullying a friend for not going to college

endlessmonotony posted:

Oh, ye of small imagination.

Think unicode. Now think FYAD gaining the ability to drop threads with titles made with unicode onto the other forums.

CannonFodder posted:

For a short time in 2003 or so there was a FYAD 2.0 that had HTML enabled from within posts. This ended shortly after someone proved they could set up a hidden script that found the username and password of anyone who loaded the page.

quote:

I recently left a bad relationship and my kids (Tessa 17, Kaylie 7, Matt 5, Ava 2) and I are staying with my brother.

The younger three have the same dad but I don’t know who Tessa’s dad is. Tessa’s always resented me for that. I dated this great guy, Jack, when she was around 2 years old and we almost got married, but he got a job in another country when she was 6 and we couldn’t follow him. Shortly after that, I introduced her to my ex husband (the younger kids’ dad), David. She hated him right off the bat but I assumed it was because she missed Jack and wanted me and him to get back together.

David ended up mistreating Tessa and I didn’t notice until recently when he started treating Ava and Kaylie similarly.

Now to the present: My brother is extremely rich. He has 3 guest rooms and I thought he was going to put the girls in one room, Matt in another, and me in another. Instead, I got the smallest room, Matt and the younger two girls share a medium sized room and the four of us all share a bathroom. Then Tessa got the second master bedroom upstairs with her own bathroom. And if that wasn’t enough, he spent thousands of dollars decorating her room. He re did the kids room but it wasn’t nearly as nice as Tessa’s.

Tessa has been driving for over a year and bought a car a shortly after she got her license. My brother called it a piece of crap and said he didn’t want her driving it, then spent over $40k on a brand new luxury suv for her. Then he only put himself and Tessa on the insurance so I can’t drive it.

Then for Christmas, he bought Tessa an iPhone 13, MacBook Pro, iPad Pro, Bose headphones, accessories for her devices, then spent over $200 on gift boxes from lush. The other kids got nice gifts but again, not nearly as nice as hers. Then I got a coffee tumbler.

Tessa is starting at a new school that is full of rich kids and Tessa was worried that she would stand out because her clothes are from Ross or goodwill so my brother took her shopping and spent thousands of dollars on new clothes and makeup.

I told my brother to stop spoiling her because she already hates me and because she’ll be 18 by the time we move out and if he keeps treating her like this, she won’t come with us. He refused because he’s “trying to make up for the crap that David put her through because I wasn’t paying attention”.

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for telling my brother to stop spoiling my daughter

quote:

So for context my f29 boyfriend m34 is a doctor, Most of his friends are from work and they all seem to dislike me and act distant maybe cause I'm not a doctor too? Idk and don't care honestly, since we started dating they've been asking to hang out without me and they leave any event I'm at. My boyfriend said they're just taking their time to get used to me.

Anyways, His B-day was days ago, I'd arranged for the party and paid for everything. It wasn't a surprise since the party was held at the restaurant, and he needed heads up so he could invite his doctor friends.

We got there then his friends started arriving, They came to greet him and started shaking his hand and hugging him while completely ignoring me though I was there next to him!.

The tension started when one of them started making remarks about the way I dressed, I sucked it up but another friend started interrogating me about my degree then implying I was an ignorant for my food choice (wtf?). An hour later another one asked if I could leave because they wanted to discuss work stuff and it's confidential. I was so shocked I laughed asking why he thought it was appropriate to discuss work during a party and he replied that I had an "attitude". An argument ensued and they 'demanded' that I leave but I said absolutely not, My boyfriend finally spoke up after it escalated and asked that I keep the peace and go home but I refused and reminded him and let his friends know that I'd arranged for this party and paid for it and so they should leave since they're just "guests". He pulled me aside and begged I go home after they said if I don't leave then they will but I still refused. They left, all of them and the party was cut short. my boyfriend was upset and started complaining at home that I ruined his B-day the minute I started arguing with his friends. I told him they were being dusrespectful to me but he said I was wrong too cause they said they wanted to discuss medical stuff and I should've respected that and not made it "personal".

He's not speaking to me now, I was so hurt I couldn't argue anymore, I felt like I ruined his birthday by making a scene like he said and acting pass-aggressive.

AITA?

edit to say that the reaaon I refused to leave was because I figured they used the "medical stuff discussion" as an excuse to get me to leave early.

Tarkus posted:

Maybe it's just me but situations like that make me wonder if there's more going nefarious on between the brother and Tessa or that the brother has designs on her.

quote:

David ended up mistreating Tessa and I didn’t notice until recently when he started treating Ava and Kaylie similarly

Tarkus posted:

Maybe it's just me but situations like that make me wonder if there's more going nefarious on between the brother and Tessa or that the brother has designs on her.

The Bee posted:

AITA for refusing to leave my boyfriend's birthday party that I arranged for because his doctor friends wanted to discuss "Medical stuff"?

Thundercloud posted:

If not uncle/niece incest may be illegal in the US in some parts, but I'm sure Americans will come out with the list of where it is/isn't legal and attack/defend their proud traditions.

Thundercloud posted:

If not uncle/niece incest may be illegal in the US in some parts, but I'm sure Americans will come out with the list of where it is/isn't legal and attack/defend their proud traditions.

Thundercloud posted:

If not uncle/niece incest may be illegal in the US in some parts, but I'm sure Americans will come out with the list of where it is/isn't legal and attack/defend their proud traditions.

sean10mm posted:

Thundercloud posted:

If not uncle/niece incest may be illegal in the US in some parts, but I'm sure Americans will come out with the list of where it is/isn't legal and attack/defend their proud traditions.

Variable 5 posted:

He's secretly hoping to find out where it's legal for ...reasons.