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WoodrowSkillson posted:The kids life got ripped apart by his biological father being sent to prison, not by this. ....yes? That was my point. That's the initial rip, and OP is stepping in to fix it. Meanwhile, the grandmother's attempts to reunite this child with his biodad would simply repeat that trauma over. OPs mom wants the kids mom find the biodad and hold him responsible or get him involved and 'free up' her son to build the family she thinks he should have, and that would rip apart the healthy, happy family this child currently has just to satisfy the mom's need for a biological grandchild born within circumstances she approves of. And if they're going to implode as a couple, well what, does any other couple who raises a child not risk that? They'll just break up, like any other couple. People are making a helluva lot of assumptions about both of these folks. StrangersInTheNight fucked around with this message at 21:28 on Feb 23, 2022 |
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Feb 23, 2022 21:20
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Thread fulla OPs mom in here
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Feb 23, 2022 21:24
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StrangersInTheNight posted:....yes? That was my point. OPs mom wants the kids mom find the biodad and hold him responsible or get him involved and free up her son, and that would rip apart the healthy, happy family this child currently has just to satisfy the mom's need for a biological grandchild. normally you don't adopt your new partner's children before you are comfortable getting married, hell it normally does not happen until much later in the relationship. the kid does not have a healthy happy family when of the members of the family can't even commit to staying together.
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Feb 23, 2022 21:29
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If you like the kid first and decide you can co-parent and then fall in love, there's nothing wrong with that. Him adopting the child is a net positive no matter what - before, the kid had one parent, and now he has two, and they both love him and are committed to taking care of him and can interact with each other without conflict and run a household together. And even if that breaks down, he will still then have two parents co-parenting him instead of a single mom alone. You're being very very conservative about what constitutes a healthy family. It doesn't just mean 'the parents are together'. If divorced parents can raise a child together, so can these people.
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Feb 23, 2022 21:35
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Yes if you assume the scenario is really weird and hosed up and one or both of them are angling to abandon the child or get into a custody dispute over a toddler, the scenario is indeed weird and hosed up. Why you would assume that, I don't rightly know. OP even helpfully points out that everyone in his life is on board, except for the deranged psycho that is his mother. You'd think he'd have friends or family with actual concerns if there were actual concerns to be had.
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Feb 23, 2022 21:35
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StrangersInTheNight posted:If you like the kid first and decide you can co-parent and then fall in love, there's nothing wrong with that. Him adopting the child is a net positive no matter what - before, the kid had one parent, and now he has two, and they both love him and are committed to taking care of him and can interact with each other without conflict and run a household together. And even if that breaks down, he will still then have two parents co-parenting him instead of a single mom alone. the kid was an infant. what did he instantly fall in love with about this infant compared to any other beyond the idea of having a kid with this woman that he desires? its not like he was bonding catching tadpoles in the creek or taking the kid to football practice
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Feb 23, 2022 21:38
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StrangersInTheNight posted:Thread fulla OPs mom in here It’s because the OP of the story is full of poo poo and his story falls apart and has some very convenient ways to make it look like it’s the right thing for him to do.
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Feb 23, 2022 21:49
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WoodrowSkillson posted:what did he instantly fall in love with about this infant compared to any other this really reads like you're implying he should have gone out and met more babies before committing to this one
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Feb 23, 2022 21:56
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Everett False posted:this really reads like you're implying he should have gone out and met more babies before committing to this one lmao
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Feb 23, 2022 21:57
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Yeah, you're supposed to play the field 1st, not just shack up with the 1st baby that lets you change it's diaper
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Feb 23, 2022 22:04
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Pope Corky the IX posted:The kid's father who is currently in prison will do a much better job of raising this child than my son. Yeah, just follow the script for "Life is Beautiful"
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Feb 23, 2022 22:07
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Imagine, someone taking care of a baby and realizing they love being a parent and deciding to adopt the kid they'd bonded with. Just shocking stuff there. Then imagine someone coming into the house and suggesting you would be happier if your child wasn't around. Which one is more out-of-sorts, honestly?
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Feb 23, 2022 22:09
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WoodrowSkillson posted:the kid was an infant. what did he instantly fall in love with about this infant compared to any other beyond the idea of having a kid with this woman that he desires? its not like he was bonding catching tadpoles in the creek or taking the kid to football practice I still think the whole situation is questionable at best, but infants are literally designed by evolution to make adults fall in love with them. If he and the baby bonded and the baby imprinted on him, it makes sense he might fall in love with it. Plus they sleep so much more for the first month so you start loving them before you are so sleep deprived that you would murder anything else that woke you. Yes, I used the word “imprint.” Yes, I am implying that if he doesn’t take the child in, the mother will throw it out of the nest.
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Feb 23, 2022 22:10
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StrangersInTheNight posted:Imagine, someone taking care of a baby and realizing they love being a parent and deciding to adopt the kid they'd bonded with. Just shocking stuff there. so function as the kid's parent, and adopt later when you are close enough to the child's mother to marry her. why does this need to happen now? therobit posted:I still think the whole situation is questionable at best, but infants are literally designed by evolution to make adults fall in love with them. If he and the baby bonded and the baby imprinted on him, it makes sense he might fall in love with it. Plus they sleep so much more for the first month so you start loving them before you are so sleep deprived that you would murder anything else that woke you. for sure they are, both men and women are hormonally primed as gently caress to bond with a newborn, it's a huge part of why hospitals encourage skin to skin contact so much right after birth, and also why the biggest word of advice to mothers about to give their baby up for adoption or are a surrogate is "do not in any circumstances hold the baby." That is not what happened with this guy, he came in later, and just so happened to "fall in love" with the baby of the woman he is pursuing. WoodrowSkillson fucked around with this message at 22:15 on Feb 23, 2022 |
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Feb 23, 2022 22:11
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Nuke that baby, from orbit, with an acid vat
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Feb 23, 2022 22:19
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with babies you just fill the sink with acid, you don't use the whole vat
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Feb 23, 2022 22:24
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maybe don't go so heavily on  for what is a tale as old as time when a guy is just completely in love with a female friend and ends up taking any chance to try and win her over/show her how 'good' he isHe volunteered to help her take care of a newborn while she was still pregnant and moved her in. It's not like he was just helping out a little and then bam! human nature took over his brain, he wanted to be as completely in her life as possible from day 1. edit: and there's a world of possibility for the biodad ranging from gang lifer to single insanely bad decision that got him caught, but she also apparently has literally no family or anyone else to help her out? There's a story there for why he's literally the only person in her life willing and able to help her in this situation. pentyne fucked around with this message at 22:30 on Feb 23, 2022 |
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Feb 23, 2022 22:27
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Maybe! But it still makes someone an rear end in a top hat to come into their house and tell them that them and their child would be better off if the child were returned to their defunct bioparent who is currently in prison. He's got the money, space, and resources to raise a child and he volunteered to do it, he's allowed to be a fool with his life and love unabashedly and perhaps even stupidly if he so chooses.
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Feb 23, 2022 22:35
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Like I’m not even sure if the courts could force the bio dad to give up his rights if he didn’t want to sign the papers. I’m sure there’s a case for it some place but if the bio dad wanted to put up a fight he definitely could prison or not.
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Feb 23, 2022 22:35
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The real question is what's the baby's opinion on this matter? We need a reddit post from them before I can take a side.
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Feb 23, 2022 23:22
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Sisal Two-Step posted:AITA for uninviting my best friend to my wedding? This man's entire family wants him to just settle and marry his insane childhood friend and it's gonna end badly.
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Feb 23, 2022 23:22
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limp_cheese posted:The real question is what's the baby's opinion on this matter? We need a reddit post from them before I can take a side. In many ways, the mother is Russia, the new "dad" is the USA, the baby is Ukraine, and the old dad in prison is the last thirty years of eastern European diplomacy.
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Feb 23, 2022 23:27
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OP is the rear end in a top hat for using a kid with an already complex living situation to try to "whoops!" his way into a relationship with his friend, who I'll bet has a very different view of their relationship. Don't mess with a kid's living situation unless you're sure it's gonna be for the long term. "I adopt my friend's kid, she totally falls in love with me, we live happily ever after" is not a stable long term plan. E: I know he said they're dating in comments, I just don't believe him. NO FUCK YOU DAD fucked around with this message at 23:34 on Feb 23, 2022 |
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Feb 23, 2022 23:31
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NO gently caress YOU (adoptive) DAD posted:OP is the rear end in a top hat for using a kid with an already complex living situation to try to "whoops!" his way into a relationship with his friend, who I'll bet has a very different view of their relationship.
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Feb 23, 2022 23:40
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NO gently caress YOU DAD posted:OP is the rear end in a top hat for using a kid with an already complex living situation to try to "whoops!" his way into a relationship with his friend, who I'll bet has a very different view of their relationship. He makes a big deal about not needing to mention it in the original post because it doesn't matter, and how him and Nat are "taking it slow" which makes me really wonder what he thinks that means. Taking over parental rights is a minimum 18 year commitment, ideally a lifelong thing, and he talks about like she's 100% on board with him being the legal father. Who, I assume, would then have to pay child support in the event they break up.
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Feb 23, 2022 23:42
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NO gently caress YOU DAD posted:OP is the rear end in a top hat for using a kid with an already complex living situation to try to "whoops!" his way into a relationship with his friend, who I'll bet has a very different view of their relationship. That's sort of the thing for this one, maybe it's all the best-case scenario but the writeup gives me the strong "getting a very specific interpretation of the events" vibe you sometimes get with relationship redditors.
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Feb 23, 2022 23:43
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Pretty hosed up that the OP murdered all those people and then framed the bio dad in an effort to get closer to his next victim. He just clearly gives off those vibes from the story, you know?
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Feb 23, 2022 23:48
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He's starting to get real angry in the comments, which is usually a good sign he's having to defend the same things to people in his real life like thatquote:Even if what you're implying is accurate(and I'm skeptical that it is because if he was convicted Nat must have had a kit done and Plan B is part of what they do at the hospital when they do that. Furthermore, why would she keep the baby? Sounds like you don't have the full story)he would not have gone to jail for life for that unless he had priors. So yeah, she has a type. But that makes this make a lot more sense; you see Nat as someone who needs a nice guy like you to "save" her. It's highly relevant and you know it, you're just trying to backpedal now. You aren't really in a committed relationship with her, that's why you called her your friend. After flipping your poo poo and saying, "None of your business!" to a bunch of people who asked, now you're trying to say you are together but "taking it slow". Your mom is trying to prevent you from being a chump. Listen to her. OP posted:Because every person who has ever been a victim of something like that follows the exact protocol correct? They’re in the right mindset to think about all that afterwards. And you’re also saying she should’ve known the history of someone she didn’t have a choice in how she met them? That’s what I’m getting here? If so, then I’m sorry this is your way of thinking after being told something traumatic that happened to another person and I sure hope this isn’t how you behave in real life. Because I’m here to say not everyones experience is exactly the same. You made some pretty lovely assumptions without knowing full details and still kept making them afterwards Frankly believe whatever you want, I find it so funny how you read comments and think you are able to tell the emotions off those 😂 quote:Wait, are you trying to say the baby's father was a stranger? Do you know how rare that is? This is making more and more sense; Nat's story is that she was assaulted by a stranger who is now in jail for life for that ,which implies strong evidence was available. But she also didn't go to the hospital to get a kit and Plan B because she "wasn't in the right mindset". And somehow she couldn't or didn't want to abort despite her child supposedly being the result of a violent attack? Her story doesn't make sense, I can see why your mom doesn't trust her. OP posted:Where are you getting that he went to jail for life for ONLY that? I stated in my comment there were multiple charges, not just for that. You don’t know any of the details of what happened and seem to keep making up assumptions based on no evidence, did you stop to think there are certain things I can’t say here in this sub? And also because the details are her own business. We’ve seen the proof, we’ve seen the charges and what he’s gotten convicted for. Stop trying to decide what every victim does or doesn’t do when they suffer something horrible, or that every single case is exactly the same. This isn’t me flipping my poo poo the way you like the say, this is me hoping that if someone ever comes to you or needs support you don’t have this same nasty attitude quote:Funny how you didn't mention this in response to my previous comment about how he must have had priors. It's actually much more relevant to that comment, so you saying it now makes it seem like you only just thought of it as an explanation. OP posted:First of all I did. You can go back to my first comment and see it right there. I mentioned multiple charges. And yes unfortunately you do. If my mom cared so much about me being lied to then she’d say that. Her only concern has been me having biological kids so she’d have biological grandkids instead of adopted because that is exactly what she has been telling me. But I guess ignoring statements and jumping to your own assumptions is all you clearly know how to do. Like I said I really hope your attitude changes. We have enough people in the world who already make situations like this more difficult and draining Like, he's dancing around it while refusing to say "yeah some rando attacked her, she got pregnant" which even for reddit I feel would solve a ton of the questions, and his constant "oh, did I say X?" reeks of someone who has to keep defending himself to a lot of people asking questions about the situation and telling him stuff he doesn't want to hear.
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Feb 23, 2022 23:51
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AnoHito posted:Pretty hosed up that the OP murdered all those people and then framed the bio dad in an effort to get closer to his next victim. The Talented Mr. OP
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Feb 23, 2022 23:52
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If the biodad's parental rights have not been terminated, then the adoption doesn't go anywhere and OP finds out he's being strung along.
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Feb 23, 2022 23:56
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pentyne posted:Like, he's dancing around it while refusing to say "yeah some rando attacked her, she got pregnant" From previous stories in this thread, couldn't explicitly saying that get his post removed for breaking sub rules?
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Feb 24, 2022 00:03
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Atillo posted:From previous stories in this thread, couldn't explicitly saying that get his post removed for breaking sub rules? VERY likely. Reddit rules are mysterious and inane things.
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Feb 24, 2022 00:07
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It was posted on here that legal advice has the strict "never mention violence at all" rule, but wouldn't be surprised if aita did the same poo poo I still don't really believe anything op says at this point, though
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Feb 24, 2022 00:11
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"What, you didn't come to the conclusions that are most convenient for my case from my vague allusions? You IDIOT?!"
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Feb 24, 2022 00:13
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Yeah okay either way OP is in idiot.
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Feb 24, 2022 00:19
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WoodrowSkillson posted:the kid was an infant. what did he instantly fall in love with about this infant compared to any other beyond the idea of having a kid with this woman that he desires? its not like he was bonding catching tadpoles in the creek or taking the kid to football practice The infant is the Wee Baby Seamus, if you must know.
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Feb 24, 2022 00:33
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The Bramble posted:2. The parents slowly boil their children (usually the daughters) in the Catholic family stew from a young age until the kids are in their 30s, have probably spent no more than a couple years of their life out of their parents home, have never dated, and consider mom and dad their best friends. AITA for letting my nephew move in with me rent free? quote:So I (44 M) have an older sister Maryam (47 F) and she has a son Javed (18 M) with her husband Joe (51 M). Update! quote:So, it's been a little bit and everything has gone crazy but first I want to thank all you for convincing me I did the right thing. I stuck to my guns and my wife and I told Javed we see him as our son and this was his grandfather's and mother's house it will always be his too. He passed his classes but the damage was done and he has a poo poo GPA. As for his loans, thankfully TD was fair to him, so it was a no brainer to help him pay it all off This semester is going much better and I have no doubt his grades will improve. trickybiscuits fucked around with this message at 00:37 on Feb 24, 2022 |
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Feb 24, 2022 00:34
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limp_cheese posted:The real question is what's the baby's opinion on this matter? We need a reddit post from them before I can take a side. the baby had to close their reddit account due to all the thirsty dms
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Feb 24, 2022 00:44
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Xachariah posted:This was posted in r/trueoffmychest: This is from a while back but I am concerned that either this person is dating my ex or there's multiple dudes like this. Horrifying either way. 
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Feb 24, 2022 00:47
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hawowanlawow posted:It was posted on here that legal advice has the strict "never mention violence at all" rule, but wouldn't be surprised if aita did the same poo poo They do, because of course they do. It's rule 5: the worst mods in the world posted:Don't even mention violence. Obviously this is pretty exclusively weaponized against people who are the victims of violent abuse. The Bramble posted:Apparently I [27f] was unintentionally doing a ‘sexy baby voice’ to a male co-worker on Zoom and now my bf [28m] is upset While OP's bf is clearly just an unreasonably jealous psychopath, "sexy baby voice" is a thing. Think betty boop or marilyn monroe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ck-UhvbCDAk Halloween Jack posted:A friend once dated a woman who would not turn off her Sexy Baby Voice in inappropriate situations, but she knew what she was doing. I know someone who does it all the time too, even around her parents; it's creepy as hell. AITA for telling my toddler, "That's what you get" after she fell out of her chair? quote:I can't believe I'm making another post in less than 48 hours but I just got into a HUGE argument with my ex about this.
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Feb 24, 2022 01:07
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