- DoubleNegative
- Jan 27, 2010
-
The most virtuous child in the entire world.
|
AITA for saying thank you to my MIL after she very clearly told me never to speak to her again?
quote:
7 years ago when I got married, MIL and I got into a huge fight over her bringing a date to the wedding. I wanted to keep things small and personal and she wanted to bring a date. This fight really escalated into craziness and tore the family apart. She didn't speak to her own mother for 5 months, got in a screaming match with her son, and she ended up not coming to the wedding. MIL told me very clearly to never speak to her again, so i respected that.
We still see her sometimes if we are at the same event, but we have literally never spoken to her again. She doesn't speak to us. My oldest child is aware that she is her grandmother, but my younger one doesn't even know who she is. She has a husband I've never spoken a word to. I don't really care if she doesn't.
Recently we had a family function and my younger child had a medical emergency. It was the scariest moment of my life but MIL was able to do compressions on her. she is an ER doctor and I'm so beyond thankful she was there. I did say thank you in the moment, but I wasn't sure if she heard me. I went over to her after and said that despite everything between us I just wanted to say thank you.
MIL was standing with her brother who said "didn't she tell you to never speak to her again?" MIL got an attitude and said that she would have done that for anyone because it is literally her job and she doesn't need to be thanked and felt it was "performative" MIL's husband who I've never talked to in my life, snapped at me and said you don't need to thank someone for doing their job and that I have a lot of nerve talking to her.
i was shocked they were being so rude about it. MIL's dad tried to brush it off and said she had "social anxiety" (I won't say she doesn't, but this is the first time I am seeing it or hearing about it) and that they were just acting like that because she was stressed having to talk to me, but I'm not sure if I really believe that. He also said what I said was weird because it implied that she might have just let her die because of our issues.
The MIL was going to slag OP for anything she did. Say thank you? "You were told never to speak to her again." Don't say thank you? "Where's the gratitude for literally saving your child's life?"
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 00:20
|
|
- Adbot
-
ADBOT LOVES YOU
|
|
|
#
?
May 31, 2024 21:24
|
|
- hawowanlawow
- Jul 27, 2009
-
|
AITA for saying thank you to my MIL after she very clearly told me never to speak to her again?
op has to tell the full wedding story
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 00:27
|
|
- endlessmonotony
- Nov 4, 2009
-
by Fritz the Horse
|
Yeah that's not normal people behavior. Even if you have serious, well founded grievances against someone, you don't do that
So I wouldn't be surprised if there is no basis in reality
In Europe, this is very normal.
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 00:43
|
|
- AmiYumi
- Oct 10, 2005
-
I FORGOT TO HAIL KING TORG
|
What does that have to do with star wars?
Boy that sure is snappy
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 00:57
|
|
- Midnight Voyager
- Jul 2, 2008
-
-
Lipstick Apathy
|
Okay, fine, “tell me you read too much of any long-winded YA fiction in which characters speak in a stilted and unnatural manner, of which Star Wars is a particularly egregious exemplar”
Boy that sure is snappy
But I know what you're actually saying now.
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 00:58
|
|
- Mx.
- Dec 16, 2006
-
I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!
|
AITA for telling the woman sitting near me on the plane to gently caress off because she was afraid of my Arabic?
quote:I was taking the plane to Dubai to visit my recently-recovered father whom I was writing a letter for (with a gift) so anyway, I was writing in Arabic and this was freaking the woman sitting near me out because she thought I was planning something bad.
All that I did was just write the beginning "-أبي هذه هدية مني اليك ويج" that's all and that made her ask me to stop writing because it was scaring her. I asked her why, and she answered that she doesn't understand what I'm writing and she has anxiety, she tried to convince me to write in English, I refused because I prefer Arabic but I told her that I'm going to write in a way she doesn't see that. She was fine with it for a while until she started freaking out again because she still doesn't understand what I'm writing and she asked me to change my seat, at this point, I completely ignored her which made her double down on it and I told her to gently caress off.
Fortunately, we were about to land and everybody noticed what was happening and tried to calm her down as she was crying. Some people said that I shouldn't write in a language many people do not understand because it can trigger their anxieties, and I really do not know why that's my problem though. AITA?
EDIT - 1: I have to clarify that "some people" weren't a lot like the wording might have suggested, it was only like 2 or 3 people telling me that and I think now it was maybe coming from a place to de-escalate the situation more than anything else tbh.
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 01:32
|
|
- pentyne
- Nov 7, 2012
-
|
AITA for telling the woman sitting near me on the plane to gently caress off because she was afraid of my Arabic?
what is she expecting in Dubai, English signs everywhere?
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 01:38
|
|
- Foo Diddley
- Oct 29, 2011
-
cat
|
AITA for getting a slice of cake?
quote:I (45m), and my daughter (21f), don’t exactly have the best relationship. She is a very private and rebellious person, and this is where most of our disagreements stem from. My wife (39f) thinks I was too strict raising her whereas I think I was not being strict enough.
My daughter and several relatives were celebrating her birthday yesterday at her house. She didn’t explicitly tell me NOT to come, but judging by how she talks to them much more than me, it’s clear she doesn’t want me there. I still decided to go anyways, since my wife was going.
I didn’t know how she’d react if she saw me there, so I decided to stay in her backyard (It’s pretty big) for most of the time. When it was time to say happy birthday, I went inside.
She didn’t notice me until the lights came on. I got a slice of cake, and then she saw me. Suddenly, the color drained out of her face, and she excused herself. The mood was killed, but I don’t think anyone noticed it was because of me.
At the end of the day, after going back home, she messaged me, asking why I would “spook her like that”. I think she overreacted. AITA?
quote:You knew she would be bothered by your presence but you still decided to show up. YTA. OP posted:So was I just supposed to stay home and not do anything while my wife has fun at her party?
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 01:40
|
|
- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
-
|
AITA for telling my sister her fiance regrets being with her and telling her fiance he may not be the baby's dad
quote:
I dated Nick for 6 years. We were serious, planned on moving in together, and discussed getting married, everything. We broke up 2 ish years ago after I found him and my sister Genna in bed together. It resulted in a huge fight between me and Genna that ended up involving our parents and sister Evie. My parents agreed with Genna I was overreacting and Evie stayed neutral. I ended up not talking to my parents or Genna for a couple of months.
About 4 months ago I found out Genna was pregnant with Nick’s baby through an accidental voicemail. When I found out I was really upset. I felt betrayed and hurt that I was again lied to by them.
I had just started dating Leo when we had what I was told a family party at my parents' house; it was actually a party for Nick to propose to Genna. We accidentally arrived after the proposal which Genna swore was on purpose. At the party, her and Nick kept making comments about me and Leo even making comments about my sex life prior to dating Leo; they commented on the age difference between us and acted like I was a victim (I am 24 he is 28). After many comments, Leo asked how Genna and Nick got together to change the topic. My mom said I shouldn't have let Leo embarrass Genna like that. Also Genna was referring to her baby as the nickname our grandfather called me when we were younger which is a clear derivative of my name.
Recently, I went with my parents, my sisters and their partners on a weekend getaway. At one point, I heard Genna tell Evie she was not sure if Nick was the father of the baby. I don't know if she meant for me to hear it, but I was sitting right beside Evie and she wasn't whispering. She was still referring to the baby as the nickname and I asked if she was naming the baby that. She told me she was and I told her I would prefer she didn't. She told me I don't own the name, I don't get to tell her she can't honor our grandfather.
It was the last night and I was outside drinking with Brian and Nick. Brian went inside. Nick and I were talking. He told me he regrets sleeping with Genna and ruining our relationship and is still in love with me. I told him I still care about him but will never care about him like I did and would never do that to my sister. I went inside after. Genna saw us and was mad we were out there alone. She started asking what we were doing. I said loving as a joke. She kept going. I told her she didn't have to worry I am not her. She then went on about how I am jealous of her and that she is living the life I want. I had had enough. I didn't know anyone was in the kitchen but us, so I said she got me that's what it was I am jealous and wish I was pregnant with my sister's ex-boyfriend's baby who just told her he still loves her and regrets sleeping with me and I am jealous you aren't even sure of who the dad is.
After this Nick and Genna started fighting cause he heard me. I left. Nick and Genna's engagement is now called off. Everyone has told me I went too far and it was low.
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 01:40
|
|
- BIG-DICK-BUTT-FUCK
- Jan 26, 2016
-
by Fluffdaddy
|
AITA for telling my sister her fiance regrets being with her and telling her fiance he may not be the baby's dad
ugh so good
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 01:50
|
|
- Foo Diddley
- Oct 29, 2011
-
cat
|
The sound of a needle dragging across a turntable, followed by silence
and the sound of dad munching on some cake
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 02:04
|
|
- Beachcomber
- May 21, 2007
-
Another day in paradise.
-
Slippery Tilde
|
AITA for telling my sister her fiance regrets being with her and telling her fiance he may not be the baby's dad
Burn the family to the ground. Maybe Evie is salvageable, we don't have enough.
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 02:11
|
|
- AreWeDrunkYet
- Jul 8, 2006
-
|
AITA for getting a slice of cake?
My wife thinks I was too abusive but I think I should have been even more abusive to my child, why wasn't she excited when I skulked around in her backyard and then snuck inside during her birthday party that I wasn't invited to???
This category of story where the wife/mom half asses support for her children while staying with the dad who is openly horrible is pretty depressing.
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 02:35
|
|
- Foo Diddley
- Oct 29, 2011
-
cat
|
But I thought that was the main reason to read them? (grew up before Internet porn was a thing, and those books were legendary.)
even before internet porn i thought the sex in those books was pretty dull. wasn't until later that i figured out why i was so bored by all that straight, vanilla sex, but yeah it didn't do much for me
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 02:45
|
|
- Mx.
- Dec 16, 2006
-
I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!
|
AITA for saying I won’t pay for my roommate’s laundry or her side of the room to be cleaned?
quote:My roommate (19F) and I (19F) don’t like each other. I dislike her more than any other person I’ve met at this university.
After many fights where she has tried to take over my desk and my side of the room and left her stuff on my side, I’ve drawn an imaginary line in my head around my side. Anything she puts on my desk or in my space, I put on her bed to defend my side.
My side of the room is pristine, since I recently decided to hire someone who comes once a week and cleans my side of the room. Now my side is always clean. I deliberately have the woman who comes clean my side and not touch my roommate’s side. I showed her exactly where the line is.
I also invested in a laundry service recently that’s popular with kids at my school. Someone comes to pick up my laundry once a week and delivers it cleaned and folded the next day. I do not allow my roommate to put her laundry in the bag ever. She does her laundry in the basement herself.
We just got into a confrontation because I caught her secretly trying to shove her stuff in my bag, and I said I’ll report her the the RA. She was like “this is my room and I should be able to use the bag if I want and have my side clean!” And I said she can fork over a thousand dollars for her own laundry service if she wants, plus more to hire someone to clean, because I’m sure as hell not spending money to make life easier for my only enemy at this school.
Not to mention, my parents would be outraged if they found out she was benefitting from the services, because they consider her an enemy and because it would be wasting money on someone else.
Edit: Freshmen at many universities are forced to live on campus by the school. Moving off-campus is not a thing that exists.
Edit: The comments on how my family and I choose to spend money, as if it’s their concern or their opinion matters, are cracking me up tbh. We can buy whatever we want, no justification necessary. I never asked what anyone thinks about it, and it’s not going to change my spending habits.
Edit: For those asking if I bother my roommate, I actively avoid the dorm at all times when I’m not sleeping, and I don’t speak to her at all, so there’d be no issue if she left me alone.
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 02:46
|
|
- Absurd Alhazred
- Mar 27, 2010
-
by Athanatos
|
AITA for telling my sister her fiance regrets being with her and telling her fiance he may not be the baby's dad
Bless this mess.
AITA for saying I won’t pay for my roommate’s laundry or her side of the room to be cleaned?
Unbless this unmess.
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 02:52
|
|
- Foo Diddley
- Oct 29, 2011
-
cat
|
AITA for saying I won’t pay for my roommate’s laundry or her side of the room to be cleaned?
man, i wish i could get a grand for cleaning half of some spoiled brat's room and doing some laundry
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 02:53
|
|
- Evil Willow
- Apr 26, 2007
-
Bored now...
|
How long should I be sad if my wife said the meme I made wasn't funny?
quote:I have a meme account, work hard on some of them with photoshop and effort. Showed up one I said I worked hard on and she said it wasn't funny.
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 03:35
|
|
- Solenna
- Jun 5, 2003
-
I'd say it was your manifest destiny not to.
|
A new one from Ask a Manager
employee doesn’t want to use a name for themselves
quote:
I manage a team of twelve people within an exponentially larger organization. One of my employees has chosen to longer use a name. Due to past family trauma, they find their old (dead) name painful but have yet to settle on a replacement, preferring to be called nothing at all. While I 100% support this personally, I’m finding that it’s causing issues professionally.
For the most part, the team is supportive. People try their best not to dead name this individual but have some difficulty with communication, especially in group situations. Examples:
(Some examples cut because it's a long post)
• Meetings and group discussions aren’t a problem if everyone is in a circle making eye contact, but that’s never going to happen. This is a key employee whose expertise is often sought, but it can be hard to navigate around how to address them and get their attention. Often other team members often slip up and say things like, “DeadName, could you weigh in on this?” Obviously, it hurts this employee’s feelings to be deadnamed, but people find it hard to address them or single them out in a group situation without a name, especially if it’s hard to make eye contact.
• There’s also an issue of how to reference them. For example, people from other departments frequently ask me who oversees a project. For another employee, I’d just say, “That would be Twyla,” but that doesn’t work here. Usually, I give their job title but have gotten pushback because our duties are flexible and, technically, they are not the only person with that job title. Also, if it’s a new questioner, they inevitably ask what the employee’s name is, which leads to a discussion I feel out of place having. Or they want to know who they are, which means I must lead them to the employee in question and introduce them. (Pointing or descriptions seem awkward.)
This is true for written communication, too:
• Unfortunately, the techs at our home office cannot find a workaround for the company convention of firstname.lastname @ company. com, which means that people (usually from outside the team) who don’t know this employee, will address emails to “Hi, DeadName.” This is upsetting to the employee. Also, we cannot come up with a professional-sounding solution for their email signature without a name.
The only acceptable workaround I’ve found for this is a blank space underline like: “____: Please check the numbers on the presentation and add your analysis.”
Here’s the crux: my grandboss feels strongly that, for office purposes, this employee needs to “just pick a name and stick with it.” While this feels morally/interpersonally wrong to me, I’m not sure how I can push back. HR seems flummoxed by the situation but suggested we be “as accommodating as possible within reason.” Do you have any advice as to how to best navigate these issues or deal with the grandboss’s ruling?
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 03:38
|
|
- DeadMansSuspenders
- Jan 10, 2012
-
I wanna be your left hand man
|
I(M26) over heard my wife(F25) making racist comments about my little sister(F14). I don't know how to fix this, how to look at her
quote:Edit: Married a year and a half
My parents (50s) couldn't handle the thought of empty nesting. They adopted my sister and brought her home when she was four. She's Korean. I have two older brothers(27,29) but we only have the one sister. We all kind of dote on her and kind of spoil her a bit but she's not a brat or anything.
So here's the back story. My grandma sadly passed away last June. So she left her house and some money to my parents. It's not a lot of money but the house is worth a ton. My parents decided to make some changes on their trust and will leave my sister their house and, my grandparents' house which they just inherited. They apportioned some money to all three of us boys but amounts to a small fraction of what my sister got. The three of us were happy she's taken care of and talked about giving up our share for her. But we don't want to sound ungrateful to our parents for leaving us something.
None of us have a problem with this. The oldest of my brothers has two kids and one on the way and he got more than middle brother and I got because my parents name his kids as beneficiaries for some money as well. None of us have a problem with that either. We all just kind of hope my parents live a long time still, and we won't have to worry about that stuff any time soon. By the way, the amounts are not much we're talking less than $100K. The two houses combined are well into seven figures. That's the only significantly large amount in all this.
As far as I know my two SIL's don't care either. But my wife had a friend over and she was venting to her about her frustration with the way the money was allocated in the will. I came home early from work yesterday and walked in through the back yard and in the back door. I always walk in that way cause of how I park. I wasn't trying to sneak in.
My wife said she had a problem with my older brother getting more because he has kids and said "we need to hurry up and have kids if that's the case." I stood in the kitchen listening for a while. They were in the living room. Then she started about my sister and initially called her a spoiled little bitch. Then it escalated from there. I was frozen at first and didn't walk right in until the racist comments came out. Her best friend's reaction was of shock. She tried to calm her and tell her it's not as big a deal as she thinks. She told her she was going over board but my wife just kept at it, getting angrier and more disgusting with her language.
I walked in and asked her if she's felt that way about my sister all along, and about other races (we're all white American). She stopped in her tracks and asked me how long i'd been listening. I said "all along but not long enough apparently." She started raising her voice about my family spoiling her and doing her a disservice. Honestly, I didn't hear most of what she said at this point. I was way beyond furious and sick. I looked at her friend and she immediately stood up and excused herself and left.
I can't look at my wife. I can't say how I feel about her right now. She didn't take any of it back or apologize. She said she chose the wrong words but that she's right about the point she's making. She's always been nice to my sister. But I didn't feel as though this was just a moment of rage on her part over the money. We're not even going to see any of that money for decades (hopefully).
Whenever called her out on the racist remarks she just deflected and said I was missing the point. She says it's no big deal and people just say those thing when they're angry.
I don't know about all that "people saying racist things when they're angry." I know that it makes me extra sick that it was about my sister. Not to diminish racist remarks about anybody, but I'll admit that I lost it in large part because it was about my sister. So she went to stay at her parents and told me to call her when I'm ready to talk. I don't know if I'll ever be ready. I feel sick, like literally sick to my stomach. I was a bit blindsided by this.
I got an apologetic text from my wife's best friend. She feels horrible that she didn't do more to stop her. I told her I had no problem with anything she said or how she reacted. She did try to stop her by the way but there was no stopping her. I remember her saying "Oh my god" several times, and "don't even say that as a joke," more than once. Even though it was clear she wasn't joking. She tried to reel her in but there was no stopping her.
My sister would be devastated because she truly loves my wife. I feel sick and hope she never finds out. If anybody in my family finds out, I don't know how my wife's relationship with any of them survives this when she's not accepting it at all. She thinks it's no big deal cause it was just a moment of anger.
EDIT Just want to address my parents leaving her most of the assets since so many find it odd. There was a ton of planning done with a law firm. It's not like they're handing my sister two sets of house keys with just a "good luck kid." They assigned a trustee (my brother) and back up trustees (my other brother, and me). Everything from who gets custody of her to how and when she gets the money is spelled out. As far as grandma's house, it's my understanding she explicitly told my parents (in writing) she wanted my sister to have her house (she had her reasons and we all respect that, and nobody was surprised by it considering how close they were). So that's her's alone and all rental income is for her trust fund. My brothers are well on their way financially. I will be fine. For now, my sister is the one that needs the most protection and security. Maybe later that will change in terms of my parents' house or any other money. For now it's how it is and everybody is happy with that arrangement. We are talking about arrangements in case of a tragedy. Hopefully this is something that won't happen for a couple or more decades. I don't think it's a big deal at all.
tl;dr: My wife made racist and hateful comments about my sister. I don't know if I'll ever get over this. I don't know where to go from here. I have to let more time pass but I think this might be it.
e: ahahah I just read the one that Hughlander posted. That is great. "what were you doing out there?" "loving" lmao.
DeadMansSuspenders fucked around with this message at 04:37 on Apr 12, 2022
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 03:45
|
|
- Private Cumshoe
- Feb 15, 2019
-
AAAAAAAGAGHAAHGGAH
|
How long should I be sad if my wife said the meme I made wasn't funny?
honey I'm sorry I'm just bored with that ape
but you get it!!
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 03:47
|
|
- Silly Newbie
- Jul 25, 2007
-
How do I?
|
I(M26) over heard my wife(F25) making racist comments about my little sister(F14). I don't know how to fix this, how to look at her
While the situation is horrifying, this man is fantastic, and a credit to his upbringing.
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 03:52
|
|
- Absurd Alhazred
- Mar 27, 2010
-
by Athanatos
|
Yeah, that's a paddlin'divorce.
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 03:58
|
|
- Hughlander
- May 11, 2005
-
|
A new one from Ask a Manager
employee doesn’t want to use a name for themselves
Reminds me of the podcast Greater Boston where a character worked at a crunch hippy magazine and named himself over the course of the series:
Earth Man
Panda Bear
Extinction Event
Dipshit
What I’m trying to say is just start calling them Dipshit.
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 04:00
|
|
- Adbot
-
ADBOT LOVES YOU
|
|
|
#
?
May 31, 2024 21:24
|
|
- Malachite_Dragon
- Mar 31, 2010
-
Weaving Merry Christmas magic
|
I'm all for freedom to express yourself but just plain *not* having a name is not really a workable solution. It's avoiding the problem, not solving it.
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 04:12
|
|
#
?
Apr 12, 2022 00:20
