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Josherino)
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GoLambo posted:How the gently caress do you actually get a talk therapist? I tried looking up therapists through my insurance and finally ended up with a psychologist that I'd been seeing for 4 weeks only for her to finally tell me "hey I'm not actually qualified to handle this degree of talk therapy I mostly do medications, you need to find someone else to provide that." Okay lady no hard feelings I understand but your profile said you provided therapy. Nearly all of them do, but I guess that's a big asterisk because then it turns out they do not. I thought I used to understand the distinction between clinical psychologists and clinical psychiatrists but now that I'm shopping around again the distinctions seem really blurry and nobody actually lists their practices like this. My current psych suggested calling my companies HR and asking them about services they provide and said it was common that they will offer up to 5 free therapy sessions but how accurate is this advice really? Excuse me sounding paranoid as a commie but the idea of even speaking a word to HR about any kind of mental health related issue sends a giant red flag signal up my spine that they're not going to give a poo poo or help me out or do anything but refer me to my insurance, who so far just tell me to use their lovely online search tool to look up a practice. Just getting a PCP through my insurance (United Healthcare) was a goddamned disaster and they have all literally lied about where their practice is actually located so I had absolutely no luck getting anyone local and ended up with a PCP in another whole fuckin city the last 3 times I've tried. I gave up on that part and just accepted my current PCP as is because at least they will just write a referral for me over the phone so whatever. I don't give a poo poo about medication and now I have that covered anyway, but I really want is a good old fashioned sit down and talk it out psych and so far nobodies advice within my own insurance or my doctor has actually gotten me closer to this. Video conferencing would be fine, preferable even. But my current psych said she did talk therapy at the interview stage and has coly come around to suggesting that isn't the case after a few sessions. Is talking to my HR a good idea? I live in Phoenix and have actual insurance through my work for whatever that matters. I've used my Employee Assistance Program (EAP) in the past. All this is is a list of providers and a free credit for sessions usually. They're still bound by HIPAA and cannot share any info with your employer, and often this is administered through your insurance so there's another layer of abstraction. You likely don't even have to talk directly to HR, just dig around in your company's intranet searching for EAP and there should be a number somewhere that you call, and again this is usually handled by the insurer and not your employer. The info might also be found whereever your benefits info is located. The therapist I used was the worst I've ever visited, but that's not really the EAP's fault.
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Jun 2, 2022 20:15
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Uganda Loves Me posted:Have you seen a psychiatrist? Yeah i’ve been seeing one for nearly ten years. Had me on zoloft for most of that which just kept me numb and playing videogame for 18 hrs a day. i stopped taking it earlier this year cus i was depressed even with it and wanted to try going without. before i stopped the z i told him about how i dont enjoy anything and he wanted to increase my dosage. a few years ago i told him i wouldn’t care if i died and then i had to pick up my prescription weekly instead of monthly , cus i was at risk or whatever, so i never brought it back up lol. anyway he’s on vacation until mid july Tulip posted:I've heard this line before from people who did, in fact, try being somebody else and eventually found a new "self" that worked pretty good for them that’s really cool and i wish i could just, not have ridiculous anxiety and self loathing, and just be confident and chill around people. i also wish i had the courage/willpower to transition but i don’t. a single person being lovely to me irl would prob. cause me to self harm again b/c i can’t cope with even perceived rejection good brain v. healthy. it’s all fine tho i just gotta stay away from others and not look in mirrors too much
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Jun 2, 2022 23:47
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current mind status: it is loving chernobyl in here!!! (no one panic i'll ultimately be fine but god drat the intrusive thoughts lately)
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Jun 3, 2022 00:13
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^^^ fuckin sucks, I've been having some pretty bad ones recently802.11weed posted:
So like, first thing I'm gonna say is I'm cis so like, trans goons please feel free to override me and discount anything I might say. I don't know your circumstances for poo poo and that can change a lot but I've seen people transition a few times in my life and a lot of them start from this really small, miserable place, of believing that they are not good enough and that there's some reason that they're not good enough or something to change. "Other people did it but they're super cool and have all these advantages." But like. There isn't some rule where you just have to live life just surviving, getting by. You're allowed to live a life where you're thriving and doing what's best for you. I've seen people get shockingly better, brains-wise, when they transed their gender, and if you think things would be better if you were a guy/gal/other, then...why not dig into that a bit more, see if it feels right?
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Jun 3, 2022 01:13
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802.11weed posted:Yeah i’ve been seeing one for nearly ten years. Had me on zoloft for most of that which just kept me numb and playing videogame for 18 hrs a day. i stopped taking it earlier this year cus i was depressed even with it and wanted to try going without. You are having what read as suicidal thoughts after going off a long term anti-depressant (for good reason! it sounds like Zoloft was not the one for you and it's lovely that your psych increased the dose rather than trial a different one). This is not abnormal but in my non professional experience it sounds like you are at a critical moment where you need to be seeking care. Keep changing things in your life until you feel better. Even if it's just what you eat or watch, you can make simple and easy adjustments while also pursuing changes to your meds, which sound like they weren't jiving with you. Glad you've started therapy, that could be a huge step. A lot of people don't have a space without boundaries where they can be the center of attention. edit for emphasis: it is insanely important to be completely honest with your clinicians when it comes to meds. Wanting to try new poo poo is okay, and particularly for anti depressants your input is super important, but dropping the meds or self medicating without letting whoever's doing your prescriptions know is no bueno. Jorge Bell has issued a correction as of 08:52 on Jun 3, 2022 |
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Jun 3, 2022 08:41
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Tulip posted:^^^ fuckin sucks, I've been having some pretty bad ones recently The gender stuff i’ve done in private is the only time i’ve felt anything positive recently, i’m about 100% certain i’d be happier if i went all in. allowing myself to do traditionally feminine things is very freeing. i can’t do it in my current situation though. i’d have to move out and that’s just not happening the cheapest rent + basic necessities is about 125% of my income. i’d need a new job with more hours but i’m already always exhausted at 25 hrs/week. i don’t think i could handle living with strangers either. my anxiety is already crippling, i can barely go shopping on my own. i refuse to do anything that would bring any attention to myself. i know that it’s all in my head, that nobody cares or notices anything, but i get sweaty and panicky anyway. i don’t think i deserve much. i give up when things get the slightest bit challenging, i don’t want to struggle, i’m lazy, scared of everything. even when i was interested in things i always half-assed them. i’d rather lie in bed and complain on the internet than actually fix my life. i’d rather pass away than work full time. if i died right now, the only thing i feel i’ll have missed out on entirely is romantic love. for as long as i can remember i’ve believed it wouldn’t happen to me, that i’m uniquely unworthy of it. i’ve never been comfortable around anyone, always nervous, mind going blank, etc. whatever. it was selfish to ever have any hope, i’m terminally lovely and i’d just make anyone who got close to me worse. avoiding others is a net benefit for the world. if i was honest with people they would need therapy better things aren’t possible
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Jun 3, 2022 09:07
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Jorge Bell posted:You are having what read as suicidal thoughts after going off a long term anti-depressant (for good reason! it sounds like Zoloft was not the one for you and it's lovely that your psych increased the dose rather than trial a different one). This is not abnormal but in my non professional experience it sounds like you are at a critical moment where you need to be seeking care. Keep changing things in your life until you feel better. Even if it's just what you eat or watch, you can make simple and easy adjustments while also pursuing changes to your meds, which sound like they weren't jiving with you. Glad you've started therapy, that could be a huge step. A lot of people don't have a space without boundaries where they can be the center of attention. I tried a few different antidepressants when i first started seeing a psychiatrist. I tried 4 or 5 different ones for several months each and none really helped, i stuck with zoloft because i wasn’t getting much side effects. i changed a lot of habits in the past year! i stopped drinking, smoking weed, drastically cut down on video games, started exercising every day. None of it has made me feel any different. If anything my sleep has worsened lol i have a hard time being honest with my psych. i feel bad that the meds don’t help and i could feel him getting impatient/annoyed (probably entirely imagined). i also had trouble staying honest when i last had therapy. i feel like i’m wasting their time cus i don’t really believe i can be 'fixed'. they look so happy and proud when i say that im doing better… regarding current therapy, i have to send another email to schedule the next appointment. i was referred to a few different therapists who know more about gender crap than the therapist i talked to. another decision to make, and i don’t see a clear answer. do i start over with someone else who might be better equipped? do i stick it out with the anxiety focused one? do i do nothing? i’ll just stare at the ceiling, i guess mod edit: removed some personal information Somebody has issued a correction as of 16:43 on Jun 5, 2022 |
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Jun 3, 2022 09:28
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802.11weed posted:i have a hard time being honest with my psych. i feel bad that the meds don’t help and i could feel him getting impatient/annoyed (probably entirely imagined). i also had trouble staying honest when i last had therapy. i feel like i’m wasting their time cus i don’t really believe i can be 'fixed'. they look so happy and proud when i say that im doing better… A lot of stuff you said in the last couple posts is textbook depression. Your poo poo is treatable, most likely with a combination of talk therapy and medication. Again, it's really good that you're seeking treatment and making adjustments (arguably the hardest part of this process), but not being honest about what you're experiencing with medications is a waste of your time, and if that's not enough of a good reason for you it's a waste of your clinician's time too. They want to treat you, even if you don't feel like you're worth it because your brain is broken right now. You are worth being the focus of your own recovery. If your psych sounds annoyed or impatient and isn't helping you, drop them like a loving rock. You can just stop calling them and make appointments with a new one. Ghosting service providers is fine. If they're not helping you, even if that's just because you don't feel comfortable being honest with them, they're not doing their job. This applies to any therapist you see too. I can't speak to your gender stuff at all but I really do hope you figure out how to feel more comfortable. Also I'm gonna say this just because it doesn't get flat out said enough to people on the edge of poo poo: Do not kill yourself. Jorge Bell has issued a correction as of 11:01 on Jun 3, 2022 |
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Jun 3, 2022 10:58
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My therapist keeps telling me to do individual actions and local initiatives but that won't get the plastic out of my balls.
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Jun 3, 2022 15:35
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I'm so sorry you don't feel like you can be yourself around others, 802.11weed. That sounds like a horrible feeling. I do think you deserve more credit than you give yourself. Part of the psychiatrist's job is to earn your trust. It doesn't sound like they did that. Sounds like you're surrounded by assholes who won't accept you for who you are. That's a heavy burden, which is no fault of your own. In spite of that, you've put a lot of effort into improving things. It honestly doesn't sound like the problem is on your end. Other people put you in a position where you don't feel safe being who you are. I encourage you to find a therapist who is actually a good fit for you. I know finding one is hard, but the list of more appropriate therapists sounds like a good start. I know I'm one to talk. I gave up on finding one. I like the idea of going through Psychology Today, though. The world is full of assholes who will tear you down. There are a few people out there who will build you up. I found some through support groups at NAMI, and in this very thread. There may be support groups out there with people who would welcome and even like you. I'll be a broken record again: I highly recommend peer support. I found it lifechanging. Seeing my support group is the highlight of my week, and feels like a small dose of normalcy. It helps me recharge to put up with the bullshit I experience. I dunno if you've seen this thread before: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3906197. I like to lurk it now and then.
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Jun 3, 2022 15:50
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The rise of telehealth is nice just to make shopping around easier and lower the barrier to entry
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Jun 3, 2022 16:26
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Thank you. It’s quite complicated, if at all possible, to change psychiatrists. Government healthcare can be a painful maze. The waiting list was like ten months when I first started. No guarantee that I won’t get the same one, either. I’d have to find one at a private clinic and spend a shitload of money. I don’t really want to even try any new medications, anyway. I tried five or six different ones and it was all the same, lovely side effects and nothing good. I know there’s plenty I haven’t tried but each new one is like a month of feeling physically crappy in a brand new way, and then feeling personally responsible for not getting any improvements. <snip> ugh. everything is so tedious “things will get better”. i dont believe it. i force myself into positive changes, force myself into and through anxiety-inducing situations and.. i just feel worse. i’m just more aware of more things that make me feel crappy. I bought a ticket for a concert happening next week. It’s going to be my first time driving into the real city. i’ve been hearing about how montréal drivers are awful+aggressive for my entire life. i already reserved a parking space but i’m still super nervous. once i get through all that i’ll still have to find my way around a new place with a huge crowd. i’m not excited, i’m just worried. i really want to stay home, but i’ll force myself to go. i look forward to being on edge for six hours straight! Perry Mason Jar posted:My therapist keeps telling me to do individual actions and local initiatives but that won't get the plastic out of my balls. don’t get me started on pollution and climate change holy gently caress we can do nothing but watch & be forced to participate in the killing of our planet in the name of Profit Thanks. It’s for the best that i’m never really myself around people, that guy’s a real depressing, annoying, pessimistic downer. my social life would be even worse if i was truthful when answering “how are you?” I don’t trust anyone without anonymity. <snip> I have indeed met my share of assholes. i don’t think the people around me are, though. well, kinda. they’ve made me feel like a freak since i could have my own tastes. the music i like is unlistenable, shows/movies i liked are unwatchable, art i like isn’t art, etc. if i change any habits i get questioned “so X isn’t good enough for you anymore?” “since when do you do Y?” “why would you bother doing A if you don’t do B?” very tiring. half my brain power goes to finding excuses and reasons to everything. they’re not explicitly mean about any of it, but i feel 0 respect. There’s no way i could open up in front of a group of strangers that already know each other. just thinking about it has my heart rate going up, my hands clammy, my knees weak. I 100% understand how it can help, but just imagining it is making me lose my hair. i’d be more inclined to enter a boxing match Vs. a brown bear. I do read that thread, along with some other T communities, including a local discord. I don’t participate in any of them. They do give me some hope that this stuff is possible, that there are people doing it and thriving, living their best lives. Good for them. i get very jealous/envious. i wish i had that strength. i’ll stick to lurking, wishing i was them, as i grow my hair out and get my facial hair lasered (because i “hate shaving”). i’ll never leave the house in clothes i like and i’ll never be referred to how I’d like, and that’s ok. StashAugustine posted:The rise of telehealth is nice just to make shopping around easier and lower the barrier to entry I thought I’d find it awkward and bad but it’s actually fine. As long as you have somewhere safe where you won’t get eavesdropped on. just hide in the car! mod edit: removed some personal information Somebody has issued a correction as of 16:46 on Jun 5, 2022 |
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Jun 3, 2022 22:27
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I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out a reason to keep going and not end things. I actually used to try and tally up the percent of my life I've enjoyed versus the time spent being miserable and then extrapolate it out for the rest of my life, it was never a very inspiring result. Eventually I just kinda realized I may as well try anything and everything before going that route. I think most people probably have all sorts of dreams and plans they immediately discount as being unrealistic or something, I guess I just decided that if I find myself at that point again I might as well just do whatever the hell I think I might enjoy. I do think that this is something you should bring up with your therapist though. My understanding is that suicidal thoughts are a pretty common thing for therapists to hear. I don't think they would look at involuntary commitment without a specific plan. Psych ward is honestly not anywhere near what most people imagine either. In my experience it was mostly kinda boring being locked down but some of the nicest people I've ever met. For what it's worth it sounds to me like you should be proud of the effort you've been putting in even if you haven't seen the results you'd like to yet. The one time I went to a concert was probably the single happiest moment of my life, I was nervous as hell but as anxious as I am around people being a part of a big crowd is actually not so bad.
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Jun 4, 2022 03:41
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802.11weed posted:... It's real rough. You sound a lot like a lot of my friends circa 5 years ago. Broke, closeted, dependent on people who hold them back, overwhelmed. The good news is that most of my friends got through that. The bad news is that it was often really tough. This is fortunately something that your therapist can really help with: you want to live in a certain way, and that means moving out, and that means getting either more money or some alternative support. It's a lot of things all at once and given how capitalist realism grinds us all down, it can be very hard to make a plan that feels achievable. But like, at least this stranger thinks you can do it. Would using she/her or they/them pronouns for you feel good for you?
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Jun 4, 2022 04:18
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Facing the fact that i didn’t care if i died helped me do things I didn’t dare to do. i might as well do risky poo poo, right? thats why i started driving. i easily get lost in thought and stop paying attention to what i’m doing. i don’t really trust myself to drive but whatever. it’s why i tried shrooms. it’s also why i visited an escort, and why i’m going to a concert alone. i don’t care if i get stabbed or mugged, might as well do things i’ve never done. maybe i’ll feel differently for a little while? in a way i’m hoping that something goes terribly wrong and the experience makes me want to live, or some corny crap like that thanks. every goddamned day is a struggle, i just wish i felt at least 1% better after all my silly daily tasks. i’ve had days where i just can’t deal with life and stay in be. i don’t feel any worse. i thought skipping exercise, hygiene, food would at least make me feel worse? but nope! and yet i’m sticking to it for some fuckin reason. maybe i’ll tell the therapist, if i can get myself to schedule another appointment. i hate seeing my dumb face in the tiny preview window, lol. that’s just a dumb excuse, i’m being lazy about making a decision on who to pick. <snip> I’m repeating myself, but I don’t have the strength to do it. Everything is so loving expensive and scammy. I don’t trust any listings, it’s either too good to be true or too expensive. Moving, getting a new job, buying a car… It’s too much change all at once, too much stress. I have a year’s worth of wages saved up and it would disappear instantly. There’s so few “cheap” apartments, I can’t help but feel that I’d be taking one away from more deserving people. People who actually need it, who don’t have anywhere else to go. Why would I deserve it more than them? I can’t and don’t want to work hard. The only places I could afford are hours away from anyone I know who could help me with anything. I know I’m giving up before I even try, but just thinking about it defeats me. it’s guaranteed that I’d get hosed over a hundred ways. Landlord, insurance, mechanics, furniture, food… I don’t know poo poo. I’d rather be perceived as and referred to like any other woman, but I don’t have the guts to socially transition. I’ve had people use she/her in one videogame and it felt right. it’s not enough to make me happy but it felt good. it’s about as far as i’ll go. i dont dare bring it into the real world. I get embarrassed without anyone around, can’t even do voice training on my own. I’m a lost cause, my brains are loving fried from 30 years of anxiety, depression, denial. <snip> i’ve already been defeated, just holding on is taking all my energy. maybe i’d be motivated if i enjoyed anything? it’s all incredibly boring. i ain’t got no fight in me. my back hurts, my shoulders hurt, and i’m always tired. i can’t do another 45 years of this poo poo. especially if it has to get much harder before it gets any better. mod edit: removed some personal information Somebody has issued a correction as of 16:50 on Jun 5, 2022 |
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Jun 5, 2022 08:11
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802.11weed posted:maybe i’ll tell the therapist, if i can get myself to schedule another appointment. i hate seeing my dumb face in the tiny preview window, lol. that’s just a dumb excuse, i’m being lazy about making a decision on who to pick. Just fyi therapists cant break confidenetiality and 5150 someone just because they say "i want to kill mysefl / i wish i was dead". There's a whole protocol to that. They have to assess where a person is in their suicidaility. Everyone has thoughts, not everyone has a plan or intention. If therapists do this incorrectly they face strong repercussions, and face legal problems such as fines and jailtime (iirc w/ the jailtime depending on the state) because confidentiality is one of the most highly held parts of their job. When they do have to make a call, they usually call a Psychiatric Emergency Team depending on the state/county. If memory serves the PET teams do have 1 cop with them, but the team is lead by mental health professionals seasoned in this. It's not perfect but it's honestly an entirely different ball park than simply calling the cops. They have extremely strict guidelines for actually putting somebody in a psychiatric hold. I have heard of situations where the whole team wanted to 5150 the person but they didn't meet all the criteria so they stuck around for an hour or so and left. Point being it's really rigorous and not lightly done. there's often a big fallacy that talking about suicide or homicide leads to them. the studies show the opposite. the more people talk the less likely they are to also im with you on seeing ur face in the preview window, annoys me too. u can right click and click 'show self view" and it hides the video from ur screen
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Jun 5, 2022 17:29
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I had a horrible experience with a teleprovider that basically got pissed at me and called one on me. I was told the call was ending, and if I didn't answer to a local evaluator satisfaction, I'd have cops forcibly committing me. The evaluator in question was a super chill dude but yeah, the triggering response was I asked the teleprovider "Look, what I need most right now is small amounts of cash in hand to spend at my discretion for miscellaneous expenses, is there anyone that can provide that? And she said she had never even heard of such a thing and was visibly pissed off I had even asked. This was as an answer to what was triggering my suicidal ideation and it was not enough money to survive because I cannot work without being overwhelmed by suicidal ideation. No plans were given yet I was acted upon as if I was at immediate risk and I can't help but think it was out of spite. I related this story to my therapist and he said yeah, "Sometimes giving poor people money just makes their problems worse" "And so anyone that asks for money directly gets told to piss off" "Yes well hm" Yes, I know that this sounds like after the fact poo poo that didn't happen, I just remember an incredibly nasty reaction with the threat of state violence used against me for asking for cash to survive instead of means tested programs, cards, bill paying programs, etc. I have a few of those, they help but there's still misc. expenses they don't cover. Plinkey is a great person who has helped me but I can't keep pestering him when there's also a ton of other goons in need. It's been six months since I appealed my latest social security denial, still nothing, no body knows anything, its a sealed black box I cannot interact with or directly question to find out who has my case and what the evaluation is. I tried searching for cash from various agencies with the help of a caseworker and they all turned me down and said they know of no one who will just give people $50-100 to survive a week. This is rambling but godfucking dammit I am running right into the part of the profession where its extremely obvious they're ultimately here to keep people in want and vulnerable for the sake of employer assholes. Yes, I'm a disabled failson, Yes, they better loving pay me to exist and turn food into poo poo. I'm cheaper than a pet to take care of, and still nothing. ed: I realize and acknowledge this was one outstandingly bad person, but that in addition to the general cold shoulder I'm getting from other relief agencies really, really hurts, because I feel dehumanized and get the general feeling of "hmmm, gently caress off and die plz thx". Like I'm some kind of stray animal rooting around in their garbage can. Ronwayne has issued a correction as of 04:30 on Jun 7, 2022 |
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Jun 7, 2022 03:19
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Ronwayne I'm sorry you're getting treated like poo poo by America, truly. Sorry you got that insane threat too, that sucks rear end especially coming from somebody that's supposed to be giving you the space. Glad you see it as a specific thing and not a therapy in general thing. That poo poo is basically malpractice from what thehandtruck's been saying. I've been trying some poo poo outside my comfort zone too, I moved out to the middle of the desert to try to find some easier living. Working part time and just living independently in a cheap shithole has been really good for my mood. Not sure if that's an option for you, but something like it might help while you figure your poo poo out. Jorge Bell has issued a correction as of 11:57 on Jun 7, 2022 |
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Jun 7, 2022 08:30
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Ronwayne posted:I related this story to my therapist and he said yeah, "Sometimes giving poor people money just makes their problems worse" What the gently caress??? Your piece of poo poo therapist is wrong as gently caress. This is plainly (studied, demonstrated, and proved) not true. The opposite is true! What the gently caress!!
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Jun 7, 2022 13:24
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Yeah, its the old liberal idea that you should only give poor people physical goods, or pay bills for them, don't ever give them money to spend at their discretion because they have proven they cannot handle it until they bootstraps themselves up with a job earning their own income. He's also the 'better' therapist than the one who opened up with "TELL ME, MAN TO MAN, DO YOU WANNA DIE?!" and in general sounding like every lovely authority figure I have ever known and had a panic attack about. At this point I've had way more tough love than actual love and I hate that being in-your-face and rude is seen to be in of itself polite and direct and not just loud assholes rubbing the raw nerves of damaged people in a painfull manner. Ronwayne has issued a correction as of 15:57 on Jun 7, 2022 |
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Jun 7, 2022 15:42
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Christ, that sucks Ronwayne  I've had a few sessions so far and its been helpful to talk things out, but my therapist and I are talking about possibly looking elsewhere. While I'm dealing with depression and anxiety, her specialty is more in trauma and I think I'm more struggling with social incompetence and self doubt stemming from a decade of increasing neurosis rather than specific traumatic events. She suggested that some therapists might be a better fit for me along those lines, including possibly group therapy. Additionally she's working with a lot of mindfulness and brainspotting techniques while I think I'd prefer more talk therapy- though from talking with her and others it does seem like my tendency to be an overthinker might cause trouble with not being in control or aware of my body itself. Anyone have any thoughts on this kinda stuff?
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Jun 7, 2022 23:29
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Sounds like a really good fit for group therapy. Im in a process group rn as a participant and it loving owns https://youtu.be/MVaz1EfIpBQ thehandtruck has issued a correction as of 23:48 on Jun 7, 2022 |
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Jun 7, 2022 23:44
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When I'm in crisis, I usually seek out a one-on-one therapist to see regularly. Depending on what else is available, I may try something along with it. I had a therapist who also did group therapy. I did both at the same time. I found my cognitive behavior intensive outpatient program helpful, although it was a mixed experience. I'm big on validation these days, and it seems nonexistent in cognitive behavioral therapy. The best part of the outpatient program was the group therapy. Up till then, mental illness was something I dealt with alone. Even though the group was run by a mediocre therapist and a downright harmful one, the group managed to help and support each other in a way I had never seen before. I think we're a lot less vulnerable if we have a larger support system, and groups are a way to do that. Now I regularly go to and run support groups (not group therapy), but don't have a therapist. Therapy felt like work, but support groups are a place where I meet up with friends and can be myself. Peer support (including this thread) is also a way to figure out the right course of action to get help. It feels like a way to pull all of the disparate forms of help together. We can talk about specific hospitals, therapists, doctors, places, programs, lawyers etc. in our area. Support groups are going to be a crapshoot depending on the culture and who's running them. Group therapy should be run by a professional, and may be more likely to be helpful. I encourage people to shop around for the right therapist, and peer support can help with that process.
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Jun 7, 2022 23:55
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edit: never mind
ghost emoji has issued a correction as of 09:55 on Jun 9, 2022 |
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Jun 8, 2022 06:52
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skooma512 posted:I've used my Employee Assistance Program (EAP) in the past. All this is is a list of providers and a free credit for sessions usually. They're still bound by HIPAA and cannot share any info with your employer, and often this is administered through your insurance so there's another layer of abstraction. You likely don't even have to talk directly to HR, just dig around in your company's intranet searching for EAP and there should be a number somewhere that you call, and again this is usually handled by the insurer and not your employer. The info might also be found whereever your benefits info is located. I do not read this thread very often but I came in to ask about EAPs specifically. My gut instinct says “just lol, just lmao if you think you’re gonna talk to an employer-sponsored therapist and think anything you say at all is safe,” and I have seen that same gut instinct echoed throughout CSPAM in various threads. Does anybody else have enough personal experience with EAPs to say “no really, they’re not building a dossier on you.” Not that I have any reason to at all distrust OP, but
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Jun 9, 2022 19:03
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they dont report ot the company. theyre aproved providers like how some therapists take insurance. if they did u gonna have a nice payday on ur hands eap therapists ar eusually bad though and you cant do anythign in 3 sessions anyway, well maybe they can give u referrals. imo anyone promising relief or healing in less than 10 sessions might as well be selling u bitcoins. its just snake oil
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Jun 9, 2022 22:17
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As your McTherapist I can assure you that we'll be able to gobble up your intrusive thoughts like a delicious Big Mac in just 5 sessions. Dead dad? Maybe 8.ghost emoji posted:edit: never mind glad you got your poo poo done, sorry America's medical poo poo is a hell world Jorge Bell has issued a correction as of 03:03 on Jun 10, 2022 |
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Jun 10, 2022 02:55
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I just wanted to thank everyone in CSPAM for being supportive when I made that suuuuuuuper unhinged post in the MUSK! thread back earlier this year. I have gotten a lot of help from multiple resources, and figured out some excellent cognitive habits. Repaving the damage of five years' undeserved self criticism-cum-abuse because my first long-term relationship sucked loving dicks, and my resulting shame, took longer than I wanted, but far less than I expected. That post was, in hindsight, me screaming to get out of a very bad "stuck," and testing my reality for truth, and it got the correct "dude none of that is happening you are way off in brain damage space" results from other eyes. The shock of getting trolled about it, along with several similar "reality check test balloons" like it after, got me finally aligned on a path to finding the shatterpoints in the breakdown itself and grand delusion I had constructed out of despair, loneliness, and feelings of impossibly insurmountable economic inadequacy following a downward path through several careers where success and advancement were an illusion limited by several forms of low industry ceiling. I am now learning C# from a childhood friend who is a seasoned industry professional, and on a path to a better and more satisfying career. It is a very difficult grok, but it turns out being a *deep* computer toucher is a lot more fun than having to fix them for angry people all day, which previously was the (kind of uninspiring, really) light at the end of my life's tunnel. Thanks for chilling with me. Glad I made it back to retire with you all comfortably here on SA. Waffle House has issued a correction as of 17:17 on Jun 11, 2022 |
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Jun 11, 2022 17:14
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Waffle House posted:I just wanted to thank everyone in CSPAM for being supportive when I made that suuuuuuuper unhinged post in the MUSK! thread back earlier this year. I have gotten a lot of help from multiple resources, and figured out some excellent cognitive habits. Me when I read these kinds of posts: 
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Jun 11, 2022 18:48
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Meanwhile, I'm feeling my illness. Real bad. Getting better status: Literally never. It is however hilarious when the nurse assigned on my case went "I have no idea how we're supposed to help you". While not-so-subtly suggesting I give up on seeking psych care. At least the neuro related care requested in late 2020 is now re-scheduled for September.
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Jun 11, 2022 23:47
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endlessmonotony posted:Meanwhile, I'm feeling my illness. I don't think modern psychology prepares a person for getting better from a break, instead focusing on "treatment" for whatever definition we currently as humans hold, and because the problems are internal-monologue side, there is no sensor or equipment that can see the specifics or the true misery of it all. It's really just your brain running away with itself...although it's very hard to build the necessary subjective-for-you tools to break free of the "illness." Like even if you were wearing an EKG cap that saw every little synapse tickling your grey matter for its true resolution, you would still also need to be wearing facial and body sensors to determine if a synapse caused an aberrant muscle twitch, that then went on to bloom out into another problem. Tourette's syndrome sucks this way, for example, mental and physical flinches for example can "pinball" around into and between each other very badly depending on how under your skin something got. IMO: A lot of schizoid/paranoid/psychological/(whatever the gently caress that mess is) are cognitive handling aberrancies that got exacerbated into more fully mishandled "compounds" of cognitive misfires and habitualized into your rote as your brain tried to work through something normal, like trauma, or stress. Of course since a habit can form very quickly or take a while, and we only exist in the moment, it's difficult to keep track of when, how, why, and where internally that happened because we don't exactly have a history graph of everything that happened neurochemically and rationally inside you. We're memory dependent on that one, which is of course subject to this same internal system, and while very good, what you need or are trying to remember is not always immediately available. After *that* initial pot-stir of bullshit, then next a person's subjectivity then comes into play, and can blend in anything such as trauma, fear, misapplied life experience, incorrect assumptions, or even sadly doctors and professionals' either well formed or misguided and understandably frustrated recommendations as the patient's life "gets away from them" and they find fewer and fewer answers in existing texts, which is why as a long-term patient your life may feel like a form of attrition. Then, of course, these things stuck bothering you are whirling around in there with all the other things that bother you in your life, and they tend to morph into and subsume each other, turn into bigger problem-golems, etc. because you only have so much time in a day to deal with existence as a whole, and paying strong attention to things that need them like that take multiple days, weeks, even months to fully unpack. Giant pain in the loving rear end! I can't remember what you said in that one PM to me, but getting in some good "doorway wipes" to step out of the moment actually is a very good way of phrasing that; the next thing you need is to identify one consistent "meditative" method (for me I have a mantra; "these are all echoes of habits past" because they are) for purposes of creating a loop apart from the other crap that replaces it with peace and silence instead. You have to choose the words carefully and keep them as close to objective as possible, because making them fanciful, cute, or softening their blow in any way risks emotional or definitional mishandling that can track you in a direction that doesn't heal quite as efficiently. They very much are, too. All habit. Anything in your past that hits you here in the present IMO is just an echo of habit. Your little muscular twitches, your quirks of movement, speech, and pathos. It's just all stuff that's happened to you as the meat gundam you are, and of course it affects you. It happened to you! But the thing is, where anything can be a trigger, then you can get all these different things enmired in each other, and create "chains" of cause and effect that manifest as supercritical tic meltdowns. In short: You're not actually *permanently* hosed up, but it does feel that way and thus inescapable because it's a loving lot of weight (and this btw contributes to your inability to escape, because you are locked in a non-euclidian lie lol) because the human brain is capable of millions of beats, even at once, but when that in any way gets compartmentalized your existence and rote especially turn into a very weird soup. You can however strain this soup, but just remember it is not going to be fixed overnight. Especially if you've had a bunch of doctors telling you like ohhh this will work, ohhh this will work, they might have only been able to try their best, because again, any and all mental conditions are going to manifest primarily in the subjective and internal due to our individual nature, healthy or not. Humans are the opposite of hiveminded. Waffle House has issued a correction as of 15:50 on Jun 12, 2022 |
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Jun 12, 2022 15:20
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Waffle House posted:You're not actually *permanently* hosed up, but it does feel that way and thus inescapable because it's a loving lot of weight (and this btw contributes to your inability to escape, because you are locked in a non-euclidian lie lol) because the human brain is capable of millions of beats, even at once, but when that in any way gets compartmentalized your existence and rote especially turn into a very weird soup. You can however strain this soup, but just remember it is not going to be fixed overnight. Especially if you've had a bunch of doctors telling you like ohhh this will work, ohhh this will work, they might have only been able to try their best, because again, any and all mental conditions are going to manifest primarily in the subjective and internal due to our individual nature, healthy or not. Humans are the opposite of hiveminded. Please don't do things like refer to a PM in a thread visible to everyone. If I haven't said it here, I don't want it in public. (Everything you said is something I've said here however.) Thing is, I absolutely am permanently hosed up, and this has been confirmed by dozens of specialist doctors. I've been actively seeking care nonstop for over a decade, and I've reached the bottom of that well. And the stress did get to me and I lost my ability to assess the situation. (Well, that, and my memory being ruined by damage. It's a real experience having your memories properly scrambled so you're unable to put together the emotions from an event, what happened, when it happened, and who was there, and instead mix them together like you're from the Amalgam Universe.) Problem being that the "it never gets better" is a response to me being able to take inventory of my life once again, even as I needed pharmaceutical intervention to stop me from blowing out my kidneys with sheer anger upon being able to remember it all again. These days I've got resilience well above normal, and am able to do a realistic assessment of my own situation. The problem being is that my situation is so lovely people assume I must be spiraling, and instead it's just a case of "life isn't fair". Something that's stuck with me from recent reading is about how modern mental health care is built around the assumption that it gets better, that you heal, and that whatever caused the trauma isn't coming back. Meanwhile, the biggest reason for my trauma is coming back, repeatedly, and if nothing else beats it, it will kill me, guaranteed. My disease will get worse, and it's already caused a spinal cord injury causing pain every day. That spinal cord injury can't fully heal with current knowledge of medicine and current technology. Some kind of breakthrough could do it, but even if it does, that doesn't bring back the literal decades I've lost to my illness. I've never had a life that wasn't defined by being sick. Pretty much every major milestone from teenager onward has been "nope, you don't get anything, because you're sick". A lot of my "recent" complaining is because I still pursue the same goals as everyone else - more or less - but then I get interrupted by my disease and have to drop everything to put out fires in ways where there's often little point in doing anything else but scrapping everything and starting something new. I've worked on both giving a less of a poo poo about maintaining my health in favor of putting effort into things I care about, and working in ways less sensitive to getting interrupted and picking things back up later when I've entirely forgotten what I was doing, and where it's showing some progress, it's far from easy. I'm also complaining a lot because people haven't got the foggiest what it's like to spend decades fighting a problem, and not only is it not getting better, it's steadily getting worse. I've got a go-to not-really-a-joke about how the only non-ableist disability headline I've read is "They Said I Would Never Walk Again And I Really Have To Commend Them For Their Spot-On Diagnosis". I get very little empathy, and a whole lot of "you don't understand your own health condition" from people who don't even know what it is. The assumption that I'm wrong or lying because my prognosis is too grim for them to accept.
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Jun 12, 2022 17:57
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I can edit it out if you like, it was spot-on and accurate though, and worked as a useful building block for me.
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Jun 12, 2022 18:19
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I had a long over-due appointment with a physical therapist. I'm already feeling a bit of a difference. I get used to things being a certain way, and it simply doesn't occur to me that they could be different.
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Jun 15, 2022 15:43
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I feel something similar when I get a massage, I have a hosed up shoulder and it's remarkable to not feel the constant dull ache all the time for a few hours. Gonna try to get another one tomorrow if I can get out of bed before the place closes!
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Jun 16, 2022 08:44
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Jorge Bell posted:I feel something similar when I get a massage, I have a hosed up shoulder and it's remarkable to not feel the constant dull ache all the time for a few hours. Gonna try to get another one tomorrow if I can get out of bed before the place closes! I'm in this two week course and we covered physical therapy yesterday. Why does the repairing process have to hurt so drat much? They gave us these lacrosse balls to use on our bodies, and it did wonders - but I had to explain why there were bruises on my chest when I got home.
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Jun 16, 2022 16:50
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Ended up waking up in time to go get a rub down and it felt great! Also got propositioned for a handjob for the first time which was a little wild, but I declined. I'm pretty good at that on my own, thanks.
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Jun 17, 2022 04:18
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thehandtruck posted:consultation calls are free and u can do however many free consultation calls before starting with anyone. its What??? Nobody told me this.
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Jun 17, 2022 16:48
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For a while (regularly over the past month or two I think?) I've been in the habit of having a can of beer when I get home from second shift (ie an hour or so before I go to sleep) but I've been realizing that it's loving with my sleep and decided to knock it off this week just to test it out. Unsurprisingly I've been sleeping better, and i havent had urges to drink-even the way i do for like the ice cream ive got- but for the past few days I've been feeling increasingly uneasy- not really anxious but just kinda weird and wrong like somethings not right and I can't figure it out. There's a lot of stuff that could be causing this- and I am meeting with a therapist next week so I can talk some of it over- but I'm kinda worried this is because I stopped drinking and it's a bigger problem than I thought. (I am also a bit of a hypochondriac so I could just be worried over nothing.) Just wanted to know if anyone had any first pass opinions about this
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Jun 17, 2022 19:46
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Jorge Bell posted:Ended up waking up in time to go get a rub down and it felt great! Also got propositioned for a handjob for the first time which was a little wild, but I declined. I'm pretty good at that on my own, thanks. i'd immediately be questioning how management treats the girls there if it's just some random massage place anyways re massage chat: my wife coincidentally surprised me today by splurging on one of those professional massage guns (12 different heads, a few of which are suspiciously shaped and labeled for "soft tissue") my (lovely) grandfather who lives with us is terminal and about to be #6 on the list of close family members to die within the last 5 years and all the stress has been gathered into my increasingly stiff and painful shoulders/neck. fuckin hype to try it out today
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Jun 17, 2022 19:47
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