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At Dwight's 4 year old nieces’ birthday party, Jim gives her a full bedroom set of Lightyear merchandise: sheets, blanket, pillowcases, curtains, even a spaceship-shaped rug. Dwight is surprised by this generous gift, and asks Jim why he went “all out” with such a “souped up” gift set. Jim candidly explains that he’d bought the entire set for himself, but before he had a chance to open it, the “controversy” came to light. Jim sighs, “First gadget, now this? It just wouldn’t feel right putting them on my race car bed,” Jim looks off into the distance, a look of almost wistful bemusement on his face, “It’s sad when it turns out you don’t know somebody like you thought you did.” Dwight has no idea what Jim is talking about, but thanks Jim again for the gift and ends the conversation on the pretext of needing another drink.
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Jun 17, 2022 17:01
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Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:jim kicks off another iteration of the "how do you pronounce '.gif'" debate in the office, preventing anyone from getting anything done and making dwight slightly less likely to get his quarterly bonus ...OR DO THEY????
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Jun 17, 2022 19:37
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Pizza Jim and Jim are the same person and the rest of the office watch, bemused, as Jim has a conversation with himself holding a phone up to each ear, alternating between a "dumb guy" Dwight impression and a terrible Italian stereotype accent. Eventually Jim processes Dwight's credit card using a USB chip reader, leaving "Pizza Jim" a generous tip for being "so handsome." Jim hangs up and everyone waits for the pizzas, which do not arrive because Jim just placed an order to himself. Jim realizes Pizza Jim took the money and never delivered any pizzas. Jim mugs for the camera. "Talk about pie-racy!"
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Jun 17, 2022 19:53
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Jim milks Dwight
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Jun 18, 2022 01:02
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The next day, Jim begins selling cartons of “Dwight Milk” in the office break room.
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Jun 18, 2022 01:23
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Andy bites into a slice of Famous Original Jim's "Cheesier than Cheese" pizza and promptly vomits. "Ew, big tuna, what kind of cheese is this?" demands Andy. "It's Dwight milk cheese!" Jim declares proudly. "Well it tastes like trash," says Andy. Jim mugs at the camera and shrugs. "I've heard of a cash cow... But a TRASH cow?" Dwight, dressed in a cow costume, frowns.
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Jun 18, 2022 01:59
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Applewhite posted:Pizza Jim and Jim are the same person and the rest of the office watch, bemused also do you ever log off this thread ...are you Jim, mugging at us??
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Jun 18, 2022 03:12
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sudonim posted:lol I have the thread bookmarked so I check it and the D&D thread whenever I open my phone, which is obviously multiple times a day.
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Jun 18, 2022 03:19
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Cold open: Jim is circulating a petition around the office. When Dwight comes in, Jim offers him the clipboard and asks Dwight to sign. "I already told you, Jim, I'm not giving you power of attorney," says Dwight, pushing the clipboard aside. "No, no this is a charity thing," says Jim. Dwight takes the clipboard and reads aloud. "Help combat gentrification in the warehouse district... blah blah blah..." Dwight examines the paper for invisible ink and concealed carbon paper. Satisfied that the petition is on the level, he signs it. "I don't know what prompted this change of heart, but it's nice to see you finally giving something back to the community." Jim in talking head segment: "So, once a month, I do this thing where I drug Dwight, lock a metal birdcage around his head and handcuff him to a radiator in an abandoned warehouse bathroom with the key buried in a toilet bowl full of diarrhea..." Cut to footage of Dwight waking up naked in a filthy bathroom and screaming. Back to Jim. "But, last week, I'm heading over to the warehouse to set up the prank, and there's padlocks on all the doors and posters up all over. Turns out some rear end in a top hat land developer bought the whole area and is planning on converting the warehouses into luxury condos! Naturally I'm devastated, right? I'm thinking 'oh no, how am I ever gonna do the Saw bit without an abandoned warehouse?' But then Dwight shows up with this gay petition for 'save the whales' or some poo poo and that gave me the idea for this." Jim holds up the clipboard. "It just needs two hundred signatures, and I just got the last signature I needed." The camera zooms in on Dwight's signature. Jim smirks. Cut to opening theme.
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Jun 18, 2022 04:24
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Dwight earns his doctorate degree. Jim places an apple on Dwight's desk, preventing Dwight from getting any work done.
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Jun 18, 2022 16:43
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"No, Mr. Halford... I expect you to die."
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Jun 18, 2022 17:37
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Serge Painsbourg posted:Jim uses his Bungee Gum, which has the properties of both rubber and gum, to glue Dwight's hands to his, Dwight's, crotch. Dwight uses his hatsu, Paper-Beats-Rock, to fire a blast of nen from his palm at Jim. Jim calmly uses his hatsu Prank Hunter to materialize the book Pranker's Secret. He opens to a specific page, waves his hand, and the nen blast is blocked by a suddenly appearing wall of jello-encased staplers.
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Jun 19, 2022 01:26
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Jim uses his time ray to de-age Charles Miner to childhood, weakening him. Charles Minor still kicks Jim's rear end.
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Jun 19, 2022 01:28
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With Jim's pranks escalating in intensity, Charles Miner is forced to become Charles Major.
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Jun 19, 2022 02:03
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sudonim posted:Jim uses his time ray to de-age Charles Miner to childhood, weakening him. Charles Minor still kicks Jim's rear end. To add insult to injury, Pam is really turned on by Jim getting his rear end kicked.
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Jun 19, 2022 02:36
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Jim has been fired like 25 times at this point but just keeps rehiring himself by forging Michael's signature on the paperwork. Corporate just processes the hire without question, assuming Michael is being a dumbass as usual.
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Jun 19, 2022 06:46
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A reformed Elon, in his nicest Luigi Tuxedo (being photobombed by Gislaine Maxwell), fires Dwight in an illegal circumvention of the WARN Act. Jim is at first ecstatic that Dwight has been “pranked by the master”, and given no severance since his firing was purportedly for “performance reasons.” But within seven minutes, he becomes anxious and fidgety without his chosen comfort activity and puts his recent therapy into action, taking positive steps to self sooth (Jim mistakenly believes that his therapist supports his prank addiction), by reinstating Dwight. Jim forges the re-hiring papers using Michael’s signature, which Dunder-Mifflin processes despite Michael being dead for six years (since Elon also fired everyone in HR and accounting immediately upon becoming Regional Manager, nobody bothered to check). Dwight receives notice that he can continue coming into work. He does so, initially happy that his hard work and perfect attendance record were appreciated. But he soon realizes that morale under the fickle and unpredictable Elon has sunk considerably and Jim smirks at him. “Also, Buddy, I made you immortal. So you’ll never get fired, AND you’ll never die. We’re here together! You’re welcome!”
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Jun 19, 2022 12:52
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None could stand before the horde but the Prank Slayer. Despair spread before him like a plague, striking fear into the shadow-dwellers, driving them to deeper and darker pits. But from the depths of the abyss rose the Great One, a champion mightier than all who had come before. -Words carved upon the tomb of Charles Miner
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Jun 19, 2022 14:49
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Jim starts calling Dwight "balloon boy." Charles Miner overhears. "That's a pretty funny nickname, Jim! What's it mean?" Jim starts sweating and tugs at his collar, accidentally triggering his spinning bowtie again.
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Jun 19, 2022 21:27
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Jim opens Famous Jim’s Original Pizza, which quickly gains a reputation as the worst pizza place in all of Scranton, possibly all of Pennsylvania. Charles Miner, a patron of small businesses, steps in and orders a slice of cheese pizza. Jim, immediately stammering and sweating, tries to explain that they don’t offer cheese pizza. Charles Miner smiles. “Don’t offer it? Why, Jim, it’s just an ordinary pizza! Every pizza place in the state can make cheese pizza! Unless, for some reason, you won’t do it. Is that what’s going on here, Jim? You won’t make ordinary pizzas? Why is that, Jim?” Jim stutters an excuse that they only make specialty pizzas. “Specialty pizzas?! What a treat! Oh, Jim, why don’t you bring me the house signature pizza?” Jim tries to make excuses but ultimately tells Charles that customers often order a “Soupier than Soup” pizza, but that Charles might not like it. “Not like it? How can that be, Jim? It’s the most popular pizza on the menu! I’ll take one!” Jim slinks back to the kitchen, promising to bring out a pizza as soon as it’s ready. Charles waits patiently at his table for exactly one hour, unmoving and unblinking. Finally he rises and heads back to the kitchen. The back door is still wide open from Jim’s panicked escape, the kitchen is otherwise completely empty. There doesn’t appear to even be a pizza oven. Satisfied, Charles nods to himself once. He turns and leaves out the front door of the restaurant, pausing only to turn the sign to “Closed” on his way out. Flames begin to lick out the windows as he walks away from the building.
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Jun 19, 2022 22:18
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The Something Awful Forums >> Main >> General Bullshit >> Fun ways for Charles Miner to humiliate Jim
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Jun 20, 2022 05:43
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Jim walks into the office at 5:30pm to find Charles Miner loving Pam on his, Jim's, desk. Jim, enraged, asks Charles Miner what the hell he thinks he's doing. Without breaking his rythm, Charles miner looks Jim dead in the eye and calmly replies "It should be pretty obvious Jim. I'm pleasuring your wife on your desk, and have been for the last 8 hours. The real question is, why weren't you here to stop me? What was so important that you decided you didn't have to come into work today?" Jim goes beet red, tugs at his collar and mumbles something about taking the day to help Dwight with his charity work. He then starts crying and runs out of the office. Flushed and cross eyed, Pam mugs the camera.
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Jun 20, 2022 11:00
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It’s only hours later that Jim realizes Charles Miner had been wearing nothing but a red T-shirt: a clear reference to his cartoon nemesis, Zipper.
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Jun 20, 2022 12:10
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Jim, desperate to rid himself of Charles Miner consults the mysterious note he received several years ago. The note is a simple diagram of a rock, paper, scissors game but with Jim, Dwight, and Charles's names assigned to the points of the triangle. "Charles humiliates Jim, Jim pranks Dwight, what the gently caress does Dwight do to Charles??" Jim exclaims in frustration. In a world where Dwight is a forthright, kind, and self-aware person, the cheat sheet is loving useless. It takes a paranoid, bootlicking Dwight to embarrass Charles in front of corporate to banish him. Jim grimaces at the camera.
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Jun 20, 2022 15:24
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Elon Musk, dressed as Waluigi, marches into Charles Miner's office to demand he, Charles Miner, stops humiliating his, Elon Musk's, pal Jim. When he, Elon Musk, enters he is awestruck by the sight he beholds. It is Charles Miner, resplendent in his red "Zipper" T-Shirt, Li'l Champion is perched majestically on his, Charles Miner's, shoulder. The following morning Elon Musk, dressed as Zipper from Rescue Rangers, calls a meeting of all staff. Pranks in the office are banned with immediate effect, also, red cut-off T-Shirts are now the official Dunder Mifflin uniform and must be worn by all staff at all times. Charles Miner stares authoritatively at the camera.
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Jun 20, 2022 15:50
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Dwight is watering his beet field (it's been an unusually dry June in Scranton) one morning when he feels a sharp pain in his neck. He instinctively reaches towards the pain, expecting to find a wasp or bee stinging him. Instead, he pulls out a small dart. As Dwight's field of vision shrinks he begins to hear helicopter blades in the distance. Awakening in a small but beautifully furnished room, Dwight surveys his surroundings. There's a small kitchen, a futon, and a tiny bathroom behind a small door. The futon is the centerpiece of the small living room, but there's a bookshelf, TV, and even a laptop there. The only odd thing is the complete lack of windows. And, when Dwight tries to open the front door, he finds it locked from the outside. As Dwight tries to kick down the door, the television turns on. Jim stares back at Dwight. "Welcome, Dwight, to the first day of the rest of your life. You've been invited to join my new organization, P.R.A.N.K. We are the new world order, Dwight, the soon-to-be rulers of this entire planet. I finally listened to you, buddy! I devoted all my energy towards making the world a better place. I took half the money I normally spend on pranks and built this entire underground base, hired thousands of soldiers who believe in my goals, and even finally paid for my racecar bed!" Dwight demands to know why he's been kidnapped if Jim was just "inviting" him to join. "Oh, because P.R.A.N.K. must work undercover for now. People just aren't ready for the world I want to bring about, Dwight. So you can either join us, or you can die." Jim begins to laugh maniacally on the TV. prompting Dwight to deliver a powerful kick to the screen, shattering it and shutting Jim up. Dwight sits in his silent room, pondering his options, but he doesn't have much time before the lights all shut off, plunging him into darkness. Dwight hears the tell-tale squeak of the hinges on the front door opening and readies himself for battle. It's futile, however, as the cover of darkness makes it impossible for Dwight to tell how many of Jim's P.R.A.N.K. agents have surrounded him. Dwight feels a heavy thud on the back of his head and passes out. When he awakens, he (Dwight) is strapped to a metal table in a large operating room. Various devices beep all around him, and Dwight smells the familiar smell of antiseptics. A man dressed in medical scrubs, a blood-stained apron, and a surgical mask enters Dwight's field of vision. The doctor looks at Dwight with a look of pure contempt. "Agent D, it's time to put you to work. Although I STILL don't understand what Lord Jim sees in you." Dwight struggles, terrified of what's to come. Obviously some horrible medical procedure. He fights the leather straps holding his arms and legs to the bed and is shocked when he's able to easily tear free from them. Apparently lifting those boxes of soup at the homless shelter has helped Dwight put on some muscle. He steps down from the bed and is horrified when his feet squeak as they hit the ground. "Now do you understand? The procedure is complete, Dwight. You have become the ultimate Agent of P.R.A.N.K. - half man, half prank! Lord Jim will be so pleased!" Horrified and angry, Dwight grabs the mad doctor by the collar of his medical scrubs and lifts him off the ground with ease. Dwight sees pure malice in the man's eyes and tosses him to the side. As he does, his wrists whirr mechanically. "Go on, Dwight! Choose your favorite type of pie! You can launch as many as you need now!" The doctor begins to laugh maniacally. Terrified of what he's become, Dwight examines his body. He SEEMS fine, but he can tell things are not as they should be. His feet squeak as he walks. He can summon a HUD in his eyesight at any time, which shows the "Probability of Pranking" for anyone he looks at. His arms can launch a variety of projectiles, from pies to selzter water to gelatin molds. His skin is no longer human flesh, it's a strange elastic material that can be inflated and deflated, making him a true Balloon Boy. As Dwight examines his new form, he hears sarcastic clapping echo in the operating room. Jim, nude except for a pair of tennis shoes and an elaborately bejeweled black velvet robe, steps inside. "Good job, Agent D! You're ready to join P.R.A.N.K. as my ultimate foot soldier! Now then, do you want to know your first target?" Dwight can't help himself, some programming deep inside his brain forces him to take a knee before Jim and bow. He asks, robotically, what his first mission is. "Well, Agent D, we have a good one today! We need to erase all trace of your existence, so you can truly prank without consequences. Your left middle finger contains a device which can generate an incredible electric pulse, one designed to wipe a person's memories. I've heard of forgetting to turn the oven off, but forgetting everything? That'll be your prank! Do this to Angela, Michael... anyone who might remember your old life. Then we can truly begin to execute the beautiful dreams of P.R.A.N.K.!" As Jim laughs, he presses a button and opens a massive door in the facility. Sunlight streams in from outside. Dwight looks at his finger. So much pranking power. It would feel good to prank. Whatever Jim did to him, he finally understands the appeal of pranks. Dwight's feet squeak as he walks towards Jim. And then Dwight mugs at Jim. The squeaks increase in tempo as Dwight runs towards the door. "Wait a minute! What are you doing? Agent D! Stop! Stop right there, you stupid beet farming son of a -" Jim's voice is cut off as Dwight escapes into the open air. He looks around - he's nowhere near Scranton. A wind farm is just visible over the horizon. Dwight snickers, talk about passing wind. Then he looks at his finger. He has to do this. Jim has turned him into a monster, an agent of Pranking Chaos who will never have a moment of peace. Unless... Dwight extends his left middle finger and holds it to the side of his head. Pretty funny, he thinks, talk about giving yourself the - A powerful electric current pulses through Dwight's brain, shutting off the mechanical pranking implant that drives him to prank and causing him to pass out. 6 months later, a man is scaling a wind turbine to make some minor repairs. His manager looks up at him and smiles. "He's a hell of a worker. A bit odd, sure, but a good man." The man on the wind turbine, who has no memory of his life before 6 months ago, is able to make repairs with ease. He wonders sometimes if, prior to the amnesia, he used to work with his hands. He finishes his work and slides down the wind turbine. As his feet touch the ground, they let out a strange squeak.
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Jun 20, 2022 16:11
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Charles Miner summons the Bifrost and uses it to transport Jim to an alternate universe where Mars Needs Moms was never made and Zipper is the most popular cartoon character in history.
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Jun 20, 2022 16:27
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jazzyhattrick posted:Charles Miner summons the Bifrost and uses it to transport Jim to an alternate universe where Mars Needs Moms was never made and Zipper is the most popular cartoon character in history. He does this in response to Jim's stammering protestations that Mars Needs Moms is a "lame movie" that he was only watching during work hours "as a joke" and that he has no problem with Zipper's voice actor being Black.
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Jun 20, 2022 16:36
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Jim hears Charles Miner's car pull into the parking lot. "Looks like white men CAN jump!" he says before leaping into the air, bursting through the ceiling and rocketing into the sky. When Charles enters the building, he looks at the hole in the ceiling, then asks Dwight if "Jim did that". Dwight nods affirmatively and Charles holds two fingers to his forehead for a moment and closes his eyes. "Thanks Dwight, I appreciate all you do." Charles looks at the ceiling again and leaps into the air, perfectly sliding through the hole Jim already created. Dwight's phone rings, it's Todd Packer. "Is Halpert flying through the air again? I thought I saw an unidentified floppy object!"
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Jun 20, 2022 16:39
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Are we adding Packer to the mix? Because I could see this going good places. He hates Jim, but Dwight would also hate him.
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Jun 20, 2022 16:45
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poisonpill posted:Are we adding Packer to the mix? Because I could see this going good places. He hates Jim, but Dwight would also hate him. Show Dwight would hate him, Thread Dwight loves all living things, even Jim.
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Jun 20, 2022 17:03
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In the blasted hellscape of the near-future, Dwight tends to the last beet plant on Earth. He prays that this one will grow. The radiation count is low today, the ash clouds are finally beginning to clear and reveal the sun. Dwight sprinkles a ration of water from his cistern on the slowly growing beet. He's just going through the motions, there's little joy in farming any more. Dwight looks out over the horizon as the sun illuminates the world around him. Red sand blows in the breeze, tiny patches of brown grass holding on for dear life. The ash clouds roll across the sky and reveal the yellow sky, like a weathered page from an old book. His only farming done for the day, Dwight hops on his motorcycle and zooms away, hoping to find signs of life. His only possession of value, his wedding photo, is taped to the handlebars. Dwight smiles as he looks at it. One day, maybe soon, he'll see Angela again. As Dwight reaches the ruins of Old Scranton he sees the fallen idols of a lost age. Famous Jim's Original Pizza. Jim's Original Famous Pizza. Jim's Famous Original Pizza. The all fade into Dwight's rear view windows as he increases speed, heading towards another goal. The motor hums as Dwight's bike leaves the hole-pocked highway and crosses into the swirling red sands that were once a beautiful forest. A few dead trees stand like matchsticks and Dwight has to choke back tears for a moment. Barely visible in the blackened bark of one tree is a carved message, hieroglyphs from the before times. "DS + AM" Dwight's radio, which has remained silent for months, begins to whine and crackle as he approaches his target. Looming over him the skeleton of a fallen God lie the remains of Staples. Dwight shivers as memories of the darkest part of his old life flood his brain. Now? He'd kill for that life. As Dwight steps into Staples he hears the whirr of a motorized wheelchair. Todd Packer, all 700 plus pounds of him ,wheels towards Dwight. "Schrute, you old son of a bitch. Finally need some help to deal with Halpert, huh? Just like my ex-wife, you've come crawling back to Packer after all!" Dwight shudders again. Has it really come to this? Working with this... rear end? Todd Packer wheels across the room and beckons for Dwight to follow him. Packer stares at a wall where crude drawings of nude women, most of them little more than stick figures with circles for breasts, are drawn. "Heh heh, even after the apocalypse, boobs are still pretty great. But something tell me Halpert is a little more into sausages, if you know what I mean!" Packer begins to laugh, spraying spittle over his exceptional girth. He lets out a long wheeze. "Come on, Dwight, let me show you what I've been working on. Maybe once this whole things blows over we can head down to Big Gazongas in Tallahassee, they got a girl there who can spin her tassels in two different directions, it's wild!" As Packer wheels away into the darkness, Dwight wonders if this is worth it. Maybe if Charles Miner was still alive, but he's been missing since he took the Blade of the Prankslayer towards Castle Halpert. Adversity truly does make strange bedfellows, Dwight thinks, as he follows Todd Packer through the ruins of Staples.
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Jun 20, 2022 17:34
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In response to Jim’s impassioned argument that “history is history, you shouldn’t pretend someone didn’t exist just because you don’t like him,” Charles Miner successfully petitions the Scranton city council to replace a statue of a Confederate general in the park with a bronze statue of Zipper.
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Jun 20, 2022 18:14
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"Hey Dwight, notice anything different about me today?" Jim looks the same, although Dwight does notice a strange mildewy smell. Did Jim forget to dry his clothes again? Dwight says he doesn't notice anything odd. "How about now?" Jim dumps a bucket of water on himself. As the water oozes down his body, his skin absorbs it and begins to swell and grow. Of course, Dwight realizes, Jim's replaced his flesh with those growing sponge things. Jim's dripping body begins to tear apart his clothes, transforming him into a shapeless blob. Jim laughs and laughs, his eyes bulging and rolling stupidly in their sockets. The mildewy smell is almost overwhelming now and Dwight has to hold his breath to keep from vomiting. Jim's flabby, wet flesh plops onto the ground. He now looks like a flesh-colored pile of mashed potatoes. His tiny head lolls on the top of the mound. "Oh, did you forget, Balloon Boy? We have a meeting across town with the Scranton School District! Good luck getting my fat rear end inside your car!" Dwight sighs and looks for a pair of latex gloves to handle Jim.
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Jun 20, 2022 18:58
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While Dwight is at a sales meeting with the Scranton School District, Jim sneaks into the empty break room and eats his entire lunch (a delicious beet sandwich with a side of mashed beets, covered in a beet juice reduction, in a reusable hemp cloth bag with “Dwight” embroidered on the front). As he turns to leave, Charles Miner steps into the doorway and stops, holding a small vial of clear liquid. “He-hey, Charles,” mumbles Jim, “h-h-how’s it- I mean, uh, what’s that you’re hold- uh, I mean, in your-“ Charles let’s the silence sit a beat, then responds in a cheery voice, “It’s antidote, Jim! Antidote to the exotic poison that, for some reason, you decided you needed to store in the top drawer of your work desk! Now, some people might ask, why would anyone need an exotic, illegal, deadly poison? But other people, why, they just decide to acquire some antidote. Just in case.” Jim suddenly feels queasy. “In case…?” Miner smiles. “In case somebody else decided to pour that poison into a certain beet glaze reduction. In case that someone else thought that a certain other person might steal the lunch of an innocent, unnamed bystander. Do you catch my drift, Jim?” Jim feels sick. Is the poison working already, or is it just terror? “Now if it were up to me, I’d just let the poison take its course,” continues Charles, “but we both know that Dwight is a soft touch, and he hates unnecessary death. So I’ll tell you what, I’ll give you this antidote, and we’ll keep this whole thing between ourselves. All I need from you is to sit and make three sales calls today. Once you’re done, you can have this.” Charles Miner tosses the vial of antidote spinning in the air and catches it. Jim quips, “Jeez, talk about having to pick your-“ “Shut up and just get to work,” says Miner steadily. Jim grimaces at the camera as he scoots to his desk. poisonpill fucked around with this message at 19:41 on Jun 20, 2022 |
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Jun 20, 2022 19:38
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Cosmic Jim decides to raise the steaks by creating an evil version of Dwight called Spite Dwight. Spite Dwight hates all living things, he, Spite Dwight, spends his entire first day at Dunder Mifflin slowly feeding Tiny Jim after Tiny Jim into an electric pencil sharpener feet first. Spite Dwight stares unblinking at the camera.
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Jun 20, 2022 19:45
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Jim is at the grocery store on a Saturday when he sees Charles Miner coming down the same aisle, pushing a cart. Jim feels his body drenched in a cold sweat. "H-hey Mr. M-m-miner!" "Jim, please, it's the weekend! Call me Charles." "S-sure thing, Charles. W-what brings you here?" "I'm here for groceries, Jim. This is a grocery store." "Y-yeah. Heh heh. That's what I'm here for, too. Groceries, I mean." "Must be nice for you, huh? Getting a break from taking a break all week?" "Uhhhh," Jim feels his stomach gurgling, "Uhhhh ha ha, yup, love these weekends!" Charles stares at Jim, cold and unmoving. Jim feels as if Charles is staring right through him. Charles then reaches towards Jim and Jim, in a moment of fear, becomes convinced that Charles is going to choke him to death. Jim falls to the ground, cowering in fear. "Hey, Jim? I was just reaching for the Cheerios behind you. Lay off the caffeine, pal. I'll see you on Monday, okay? By the way - did you complete that rundown for me?" "Uhhhhhhh," Jim is still cowering on the grocery store floor and can feel his face growing red and hot, "you y-y-you know it!" "Okay," says a smiling Charles, " because if you don't know what a rundown is, you can ask me. You could ask me right now, Jim." Jim looks up at Charles' face. Jim's hands are shaking and he realizes he's pissed himself. Does Charles know? Jim thinks he does, and he feels himself grow beet-red at the scene he's caused. Charles, for his part, just keeps staring at Jim. "N-n-no. I know what a run-down is. I know. I'll have it to you... on... on Monday." "Thanks a lot, Jim. I really appreciate it," Charles leans in close to Jim, so no one else in the store can hear, "now go clean yourself up, you're a mess, Jim." Charles walks away and Jim, utterly drenched in sweat and piss, lays on the ground for a long time. A store employee finally comes to check on him and asks if everything's okay. "Yeah, I just pranked that guy, you might have missed it. I pranked him like crazy, it was great." Jim awkwardly fumbles with his grocery cart for a moment and then runs away, leaving the employee utterly confused. "Oh man, somebody pissed all over the floor!" Jim, who's rushing through the bread aisle, hears this and begins to cry.
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Jun 20, 2022 19:56
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A Fancy Hat posted:Jim is at the grocery store on a Saturday when he sees Charles Miner coming down the same aisle, pushing a cart. Jim feels his body drenched in a cold sweat. justice
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Jun 20, 2022 20:00
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Jim gets Dwight placed on the No-Fly list hours before Dwight's planned vacation to Las Vegas. Frustrated by still motivated, Dwight attempts to rent a car and drive to Vegas instead. "Sorry, Mr. Schrute. It actually appears that you've been placed on the No-Drive List. Uh... I'm not entirely sure what that is, but it says I can't rent you a vehicle." A little more annoyed, Dwight decides to walk to the parking lot and grab his own car. As he takes a step, a security guard roughly grabs him by the shoulder. "Sorry, sir, but you're on the No-Walk list. Any attempt to walk will cause you to face federal charges." Dwight is frozen in place, unsure of what to do next. Back at his computer, Jim continues "hacking into the mainframe" to place Dwight on the "No-Breathe" list. Jim mugs for the camera.
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Jun 20, 2022 20:05
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| # ? May 30, 2024 03:15 |
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Jim hacks the planet and downloads the garbage file as part of a plan to make fun of Dwight for still using AOL
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Jun 20, 2022 20:10
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