on the computer posted:

who was the mod that angrily posted about having to apply cream to his kid's hole?

Tangents posted:

I've never had fatty jerky and don't know what it is, but I don't get the complaint that it would spoil too fast. Just eat it within a week? You're not buying online jerky to supply your voyage across the Atlantic. Is baking bread a waste of time because it'll mold/stale faster then store brand?

Valko posted:

This thread is gross now.

quote:

a man dips his fingers in fetid rear end sweat and smears a line of it on my forehead.

"RAZOR" he murmurs

Valko posted:

This thread is gross now.

pentyne posted:

HOLD ON TO YOUR loving BALLS IT'S A NEW THING FROM RAZER

Tunicate posted:

*running into thread, huffing and puffing* DID SOMEONE SAY BUTTCOIN YET?

Dongicus posted:

theres a duncan post pwning the goof troop cinema discusso guy that has the phrase "coin-operated dick and balls machine" that has never left my mind.

Tetramin posted:

Lol at seraph posting his own rear end in a thong. Ultimate ownage

Dongicus posted:

theres a duncan post pwning the goof troop cinema discusso guy that has the phrase "coin-operated dick and balls machine" that has never left my mind.

Triticum Guzzler posted:

The essence of the criticism of the criticism that has been ongoing, at least on my part, is that it is bad. It is not good. It is really not very informative. It is not that it is bad to "care".

If you actually legitimately care about film, there is a good chance you do not post about it on this web site, because if you look at the movie forum (or the book forum, etc) you see that largely there's an incredible fixation on really childish products (and they are usually products rather than films) with a corresponding lack of taste. I'm sure it's an idea that's unfamiliar to you, as a grown man who wants to surgically replace his dick and balls with a coin operated motorised Donald Duck ride who is about 3 wispy chin hairs away from being a convicted rapist, but when criticism is coming from a really juvenile place about a less-juvenile subject it can seem very superficial and difficult to respect. Like when they allow kids to do news reports on the actual news.

This is one side of the coin here. Some of the reviewers present as, essentially, children of varying extreme largeness. But even if you read what they have to say about children's movies, it's still incredibly basic analysis of a film seen through a lens of a culture who are obsessed with identity politics in all things.

For example, if you read this week's review of The Boxtrolls, all you will learn is:

- The reviewer liked Coraline and Paranorman, but this film has a worse story
- There are trolls who wear boxes, also there are two characters who have names
- The film is nominally about the trolls who wear boxes, however it focuses on one of them who isn't REALLY a troll, but is actually a boy. This is a "big problem".
- The villain is avaristic and ugly. He pretends to be a woman, this is also a big problem, but we're not told why. Just that tumblr dislikes that and they're right to do so.
- The animation is good, kids will like it.

The only thing gleaned from this review that you won't get from the trailer is a number score and at some point a man wears a dress. It's an 800 word sideways glance at a movie and it really does not do a good job reviewing it outside of conveying the general sentiment that it's sort of not bad. I don't respect this, and I don't much care what this person has to say about other movies especially if they're more complicated than this movie for 6-year-olds.

On top of which the reviews are completely joyless, on a comedy web site. It's not just that it's really out of place, it's poorly executed in its own right. I'm not trying to illegally troll or insult them so please do not electronically beat me up, but I don't think they're cut out for this.

Thank you for reading this wearying post. As a reward, here is a picture of the cast of Duck Tales taking public transport so you can finally blast the biggest load of your life you mewling piece of poo poo idiot

pentyne posted:

pentyne posted:

pentyne posted:

pentyne posted:

Crowetron posted:

Did that one Current Releases guy ever reveal what a female plane was supposed to look like or whatever he was trying to say in that Planes review?

duncan posted:

The sound of metal chains whipping against bare flesh hang heavy in the air, like a bird flying into a headwind. The room is damp and sparsely lit. SUPERMECHAGODZILLA’s scarred jowls are illuminated by a desk lamp laying sideways on the floor

SUPERMECHAGODZILA
Which reading is true? Which reading is true? WHICH READING IS TRUE!?

KOOS
[Spits mouthful of blood] The words are used specifically for their literal intention, the events are straightforward so as to be easily understood by an audience of children.

The beating begins again, with a furious vigour, until SUPERMECHAGODZILLA can barely stand. He rests one hand against a dirty wall, sweat marring his 1993 Nebraska Film Festival hypercolor t-shirt.

SUPERMECHAGODZILA
The opposite reading is true… The opposite reading is true. I’ve been to college.

KOOS straightens his posture, his pride and dignity unscathed by the days long assault of a fat, stupid man.

KOOS
Any perceived allusions to facism in A Goofy Movie are a wholesale invention of a misguided viewer.

SUPERMECHAGODZILLA adopts the look of a man who has been defeated. Wearily, he grabs a shotgun that had been resting in the corner, and cocks it loudly.

KOOS
Goofy simply wishes to bond with his son through fishing, a traditional pastime, as he had done with his own father. It is neither parable nor allegory. Neither dog was molested, the material does not support this.

pog boyfriend posted:

my all time favourite post on the website

pog boyfriend posted:

my all time favourite post on the website

Pablo Nergigante posted:

Lmfao

pog boyfriend posted:

my all time favourite post on the website

pentyne posted:

pog boyfriend posted:

my all time favourite post on the website

whiggles posted:

Has it been determined who is buying all the Bernie avs for cspam folks? I remember that 100(0?) good dogs poster once syaing something about having spent thousands of dollars on avs here. Dude is probably up there with seraph in terms of financially load bearing posters

whiggles posted:

Has it been determined who is buying all the Bernie avs for cspam folks? I remember that 100(0?) good dogs poster once syaing something about having spent thousands of dollars on avs here. Dude is probably up there with seraph in terms of financially load bearing posters

pog boyfriend posted:

my all time favourite post on the website

pog boyfriend posted:

my all time favourite post on the website

rodbeard posted:

I think I must have been the only person actually using the current releases articles for movie recommendations.

I saw somebody on Twitter reference the politician Lowtax took his name from and I completely forgot that he had murdered the guy he was running against.

Runa posted:

wait what

Runa posted:

wait what

pog boyfriend posted:

my all time favourite post on the website

Lowtax posted:

Way back during my college days at Vanderbilt University, I almost ended up getting a summer job with the Putnam County Tax Assessor (because I was broke and needed to pay for college tuition). He was a very insane little man who legally changed his middle name to "Low Tax" in order to win votes for his upcoming Senatorial campaign. Police began investigating him and soon found that he was abusing his powers to audit ex-girlfriends, in addition to frequently going absolutely nuts and throwing things at the Police. He always wanted to become a lawyer, but failed to get into law school. He drove drunk, stole state money, and forced women to have sex with him. He went on public tirades, accusing people of belonging to some ultra-secret "organization" dubbed "the good ol' boys" who constantly conspired against him.

Eventually the Tennessee Senatorial race heated up, and he found himself in competition with the incumbent Senator Tommy Burks, a person who was generally liked and respected by all residents. Byron "Low Tax" Looper then made the wise decision to drive over to Tommy's farm and shoot him in the head until he died. To this day Bryon claims innocence and that he was "framed."

This was back during my Quake-playing days. Everybody used "cool" names like "d3th-k1ller" and "MURDER MACHINE," so I wanted to use something more creative. I began joining servers as "Low Tax Looper," threatening to audit or forcibly engage in sexual intercourse with anybody who wins matches (yes, I was highly unfunny back then as well). Unfortunately, due to name-size limitations, my name would only show up as "Lowtax Loop." While that was nice and such, I decided to shorten it to "Lowtax."

So there you have it. My nickname is based off of the name of a murderer who was a failed businessman and general rear end in a top hat. I sure hope the lack of irony here isn't lost on anybody!