r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

Angrymog: Jan 30, 2012; Really Madcats

Arsenic Lupin posted:

Last power failure I found out that my $200 rice cooker has a battery to preserve the current time, but my $1400 stove does not.

I forgot that my oven needs the time set to do anything other than switch on its light. Cost me �40 for a repair guy to do the domestic appliance equivalent of 'Did you switch it off and on again?" Obviously, I paid with good grace because I'm not paying for the 5 minutes for him to walk up the stairs and set the time, I'm paying for the knowledge that that was all that needed to be done.

What was galling is that somewhere in my head I must have known the solution because when I first moved into the flat I'd have had to set the oven time to make it work.

# ? Nov 11, 2022 10:40

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# ? May 30, 2024 21:35

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

cake bunny posted:

The way a lot of people in this thread continually demonize all parents dealing with the challenges of having a disabled child really comes across as outright hatred/disgust for the disabled a lot of the time. Some families are continuously lovely in how they handle things, but jfc, not every less-than-ideal single incident is indicative of the neglect or other mistreatment of a non-disabled sibling.

There is nothing in this story that does anything but say that this is a sudden, lovely, unforeseen situation that the parent is having to navigate as best as they can with no ideal solution available. You know, something that all parents have to deal with occasionally, regardless of the disability status of any of their children. It the other kid was a neurotypical child who spiked a fever the night before the field trip and couldn't arrange other child care, the results would be the same. Ditto for dozens of other situations. Nothing points to it being a pattern, nothing points to it being parents who ignore the non-disabled child. Hell, the OP is a loving volunteer for the non-disabled child's class, which, if anything, points to them being really regularly involved and present in the non-disabled child's life. Exactly what is the non-disabled child dealing with here except disappointment in the parent not being one of the chaperones on this one field trip? That sucks, but it's something that could happen for a ton of reasons and nothing here seems like the parent is invalidating that disappointment or won't follow through on their promise of doing something else special with the daughter on a different day.

So, on behalf of myself and other folks with disabilities of all types and levels of impact, as well as our families, kindly gently caress off with that poo poo, thanks.

This is the part where I'd make a gentleman's bet that this kid is going to dip at eighteen and leave mommy and daddy gobsmacked as to how they could be so callous but alas this is the only glimpse we get, but hey your headcanon might just be as valid as mine... probably not tho.

# ? Nov 11, 2022 10:43

cake bunny: Oct 29, 2011

Motherfucker posted:

This is the part where I'd make a gentleman's bet that this kid is going to dip at eighteen and leave mommy and daddy gobsmacked as to how they could be so callous but alas this is the only glimpse we get, but hey your headcanon might just be as valid as mine... probably not tho.

It's not headcanon to reply based on the text of what was posted, hth, or to point out that you were explicitly ignoring several parts of the OP/ inventing your own details to support your hosed up internal narrative that all parents of disabled children treat their non-disabled children terribly. I'm suggesting that maybe, just maybe, you and folks like you who managed to read that OP the way you did step back for a second and examine the fact that you kinda come across like you're three seconds from vocally supporting eugenics.

# ? Nov 11, 2022 10:56

AceClown: Sep 11, 2005

cake bunny posted:

The way a lot of people in this thread continually demonize all parents dealing with the challenges of having a disabled child really comes across as outright hatred/disgust for the disabled a lot of the time. Some families are continuously lovely in how they handle things, but jfc, not every less-than-ideal single incident is indicative of the neglect or other mistreatment of a non-disabled sibling.

There is nothing in this story that does anything but say that this is a sudden, lovely, unforeseen situation that the parent is having to navigate as best as they can with no ideal solution available. You know, something that all parents have to deal with occasionally, regardless of the disability status of any of their children. It the other kid was a neurotypical child who spiked a fever the night before the field trip and the parent couldn't arrange other child care, the results would be the same. Ditto for dozens of other situations. Nothing points to it being a pattern, nothing points to it being parents who ignore the non-disabled child. Hell, the OP is a loving volunteer for the non-disabled child's class, which, if anything, points to them being really regularly involved and present in the non-disabled child's life. Exactly what is the non-disabled child dealing with here except disappointment in the parent not being one of the chaperones on this one field trip? That sucks, but it's something that could happen for a ton of reasons and nothing here seems like the parent is invalidating that disappointment or won't follow through on their promise of doing something else special with the daughter on a different day.

So, on behalf of myself and other folks with disabilities of all types and levels of impact, as well as our families, kindly gently caress off with that poo poo, thanks.

no one is demonising all parents of both able and disabled children with varying needs, I'd wager the majority of these situations are handled with maturity and respect.

people who post on reddit are the minority and have neither of these things

# ? Nov 11, 2022 11:03

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

cake bunny posted:

The way a lot of people in this thread continually demonize all parents dealing with the challenges of having a disabled child really comes across as outright hatred/disgust for the disabled a lot of the time. Some families are continuously lovely in how they handle things, but jfc, not every less-than-ideal single incident is indicative of the neglect or other mistreatment of a non-disabled sibling.

There is nothing in this story that does anything but say that this is a sudden, lovely, unforeseen situation that the parent is having to navigate as best as they can with no ideal solution available. You know, something that all parents have to deal with occasionally, regardless of the disability status of any of their children. It the other kid was a neurotypical child who spiked a fever the night before the field trip and the parent couldn't arrange other child care, the results would be the same. Ditto for dozens of other situations. Nothing points to it being a pattern, nothing points to it being parents who ignore the non-disabled child. Hell, the OP is a loving volunteer for the non-disabled child's class, which, if anything, points to them being really regularly involved and present in the non-disabled child's life. Exactly what is the non-disabled child dealing with here except disappointment in the parent not being one of the chaperones on this one field trip? That sucks, but it's something that could happen for a ton of reasons and nothing here seems like the parent is invalidating that disappointment or won't follow through on their promise of doing something else special with the daughter on a different day.

So, on behalf of myself and other folks with disabilities of all types and levels of impact, as well as our families, kindly gently caress off with that poo poo, thanks.

The fact that she�s breaking a promise she made to her daughter several weeks ago, and the fact that her daughter is super pissed about it, point to the all too common dynamic where the neurotypical/able bodied child has to give up tons of stuff in favor of the disabled child. It�s not the one time, it�s the hundred times before and after that. A lot of parents are really bad at seeing the kid that isn�t constantly causing emergencies.

# ? Nov 11, 2022 11:14

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

tagging onto the last two posts, I'm speaking in terms of observable trends and experience in mine own life and others, I don't need to be discoursed at by someone naive enough to try and speak for all disabled people while apparently taking the reddit post at face value without perhaps considering that someone on AITA might be doing damage control.

# ? Nov 11, 2022 11:23

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

I�m having a pretty horrifying day (found a small lump on my cat�s abdomen), so if you can all take it down several notches.

Remember that your experiences are not universal, and the major Reddit rule: you never hear about the experiences that are totally normal, universal, and fine.

I will allow this conversation to continue in a beneficial and respectful way, on all sides. Should someone decide to ignore that, consider the chat over and time outs for all.

# ? Nov 11, 2022 11:28

cake bunny: Oct 29, 2011

therobit posted:

The fact that she�s breaking a promise she made to her daughter several weeks ago, and the fact that her daughter is super pissed about it, point to the all too common dynamic where the neurotypical/able bodied child has to give up tons of stuff in favor of the disabled child. It�s not the one time, it�s the hundred times before and after that. A lot of parents are really bad at seeing the kid that isn�t constantly causing emergencies.

Real question, do you spend much time around 11 year olds? It's extremely normal for them to get really upset at a non-preferred change even if those types of changes are not a usual thing. Why the hell shouldn't the kid be that upset at the parent not being able to do what they said they were going to do? It's disappointing, and disappointment is upsetting. Could it be common in that family and the OP is leaving that out? Sure. But nothing in the actual OP says that. If you (general you) want to read into the post far beyond what is there, I'm just saying that it says way more about you and your personal biases than it does about the Redditor who wrote the OP.

Also, this right here:

therobit posted:

the kid that isn�t constantly causing emergencies

Is exactly the type of thing I mean when I say that a lot of the language used in this thread when discussing the disabled is really, really awful and demeaning.

teen witch posted:

I�m having a pretty horrifying day (found a small lump on my cat�s abdomen), so if you can all take it down several notches.

Remember that your experiences are not universal, and the major Reddit rule: you never hear about the experiences that are totally normal, universal, and fine.

I will allow this conversation to continue in a beneficial and respectful way, on all sides. Should someone decide to ignore that, consider the chat over and time outs for all.

I'm sorry that's going on, TW. Respectfully, though, no, it's really upsetting to repeatedly see things termed this way, and I don't think it's wrong for me, a person with disabilities, to voice that there are folks in this thread who, in their understandable upset at some hosed up situations, are often quick to jump in with really demonizing assumptions that then get broadly applied across the board.

And yeah, I do think it's pretty okay for me to say that, in general, disabled folks don't really like it being implied that their existence fucks everything up for everyone else as a rule, which is an awful lot like how the responses to disability-related OPs often sound.

cake bunny fucked around with this message at 11:39 on Nov 11, 2022

# ? Nov 11, 2022 11:31

champagne posting: Apr 5, 2006; YOU ARE A BRAIN
IN A BUNKER

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for asking my girlfriend not to swim in the morning?

There is no shame in telling your guests in no uncertain terms to gently caress right off. OP should've done that instead of trying to bend to brother who is weird about ... A person swimming in a pool??? Also if you're a light sleeper who instead of carrying earplugs everywhere you go insist people are quite you get to dip a toe into the acid vat.

# ? Nov 11, 2022 11:36

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

cake bunny posted:

Real question, do you spend much time around 11 year olds? It's extremely normal for them to get really upset at a non-preferred change even if those types of changes are not a usual thing. Why the hell shouldn't the kid be that upset at the parent not being able to do what they said they were going to do? It's disappointing, and disappointment is upsetting. Could it be common in that family and the OP is leaving that out? Sure. But nothing in the actual OP says that. If you (general you) want to read into the post far beyond what is there, I'm just saying that it says way more about you and your personal biases than it does about the Redditor who wrote the OP.

Also, this right here:

Is exactly the type of thing I mean when I say that a lot of the language used in this thread when discussing the disabled is really, really awful and demeaning.

You think this dynamic doesn't happen in neurotypical families? 'the kid who is constantly causing emergencies' is not a disabled exclusive category. It may be a mitigating circumstance, one could argue its a valid reason to divert that attention... but it doesn't change the outcome for that girl or how this particular story goes.

# ? Nov 11, 2022 11:43

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

Addendum because I think my mind is just gone rn: if there are any instances of lovely ableist attitudes or behavior that I or others have missed please let me know. I might not pick up on it!

Alternatively, you can mitigate it by not engaging in such behavior

# ? Nov 11, 2022 11:43

cake bunny: Oct 29, 2011

Motherfucker posted:

You think this dynamic doesn't happen in neurotypical families? 'the kid who is constantly causing emergencies' is not a disabled exclusive category. It may be a mitigating circumstance, one could argue its a valid reason to divert that attention... but it doesn't change the outcome for that girl or how this particular story goes.

lol, my original point was that everything about the OP was entirely something that just happens in families, period, regardless of anyone's disability status.

Alternatively, maybe note that the "kid who is constantly causing emergencies" quip in this instance was specifically being applied to disabled children, and maybe you can see what I meant by pointing it out as an example of less than stellar ways of thinking about disabled people as posted itt. Also, when someone is said to be 'causing emergencies', that implies, you know, intent or something in their actions that made the emergency happen. As opposed to the situation in the OP, which was caused by the adult teachers who did not communicate about the play in a timely fashion, not by the disabled child, who was simply existing while having a disability.

teen witch posted:

Addendum because I think my mind is just gone rn: if there are any instances of lovely ableist attitudes or behavior that I or others have missed please let me know. I might not pick up on it!

Alternatively, you can mitigate it by not engaging in such behavior

Thanks, and I hope your cat is okay.

cake bunny fucked around with this message at 12:01 on Nov 11, 2022

# ? Nov 11, 2022 11:56

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

cake bunny posted:

lol, my original point was that everything about the OP was entirely something that just happens in families, period, regardless of anyone's disability status.

Alternatively, maybe note that the "kid who is constantly causing emergencies" quip in this instance was specifically being applied to disabled children, and maybe you can see what I meant by pointing it out as an example of less than stellar ways of thinking about disabled people as posted itt.

Thanks, and I hope your cat is okay.

The parent is allowing the fact that one of their kids is autistic to dictate how and if they engage with their other kid in a normal way. That�s pretty hosed up. I could phrase it better perhaps, but it is a super common dynamic and if you don�t believe that then maybe spend some time talking to the neurotypical siblings of autistic kids. I could say instead the kid that is constantly having emergencies or the kid that requires extraordinary amounts of mom�s attention to the detriment of their siblings if that makes you feel better. It is totally possible to treat the two kids fairly but a ton of parents screw it up badly and acknowledging that isn�t ableism.

therobit fucked around with this message at 12:12 on Nov 11, 2022

# ? Nov 11, 2022 12:05

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

teen witch posted:

I�m having a pretty horrifying day (found a small lump on my cat�s abdomen), so if you can all take it down several notches.

Remember that your experiences are not universal, and the major Reddit rule: you never hear about the experiences that are totally normal, universal, and fine.

I will allow this conversation to continue in a beneficial and respectful way, on all sides. Should someone decide to ignore that, consider the chat over and time outs for all.

good luck with your cat. mine got a lump two years ago, he was way too old to operate, and he's still chugging along fine. just lumpy. currently he is doing laps of the living room and screaming because dinner was several hours ago and this makes him unhappy

# ? Nov 11, 2022 12:10

Kit Walker: Jul 10, 2010; "The Man Who Cannot Deadlift"

therobit posted:

The parent is allowing the fact that one of their kids is autistic to dictate how and if they engage with their other kid in a normal way. That�s pretty hosed up. I could phrase it better perhaps, but it is a super common dynamic and if you don�t believe that then maybe spend some time talking to the neurotypical siblings of autistic kids. I could say instead the kid that is constantly having emergencies or the kid that requires extraordinary amounts of mom�s attention to the detriment of their siblings if that makes you feel better. It is totally possible to treat the two kids fairly but a ton of parents screw it up badly and acknowledging that isn�t ableism.

There's no real indication that OP's situation is anything more than an unfortunate one-off conflict. No one is saying that bad dynamics like you're describing don't exist, either. This whole discussion happened because of an overblown response to the OP, and that's what cake bunny was addressing

# ? Nov 11, 2022 13:04

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

Chill on the play, guys, please.

AITA for telling my friend she needs to give me legal rights to her baby

quote:

I�m going to try and explain this as clearly as possible but it�s very confusing story so sorry in advance.

I (28f) live with my friend and roommate (30f) in a flat that I own. We have been friends for almost a decade and have lived together a few times over the years and when I bought my place she asked to move in. It was a good deal, she gets to save to buy by paying reduced rent and I get some help with the mortgage.

My friend is also from a super religious family but does not follow a lot of her families beliefs now (premarital sex, drinking etc) her parents have accepted this but ask that she keeps that part of her life hidden. The problems started when my friend found out she was pregnant from a ONS and decided to keep the baby.

Her parents disowned her and she was heartbroken, but not surprised. I told her that I was ok with her continuing to pay rent here and live with me for as long as she needs and she gave birth to her baby boy A 6 months ago.

Around 2 months ago her parents got back in touch and told her they�d like to see her. She has lots of much younger siblings who she helped raise so she was super excited to go and see them, but they asked her not to take the baby as they don�t want to be involved with him.

I offered to look after A while she saw her siblings, thinking it would be a one time deal. Now she visits them almost every weekend and sometimes during the week (often staying the night) while I look after A.

I didn�t mind too much to begin with (he�s a very good baby and I love hanging out with him) but A got sick last weekend just before she left to stay at her parents house for the night and after his temperature got super high I took him to the hospital. It took her SIX hours to answer her phone and she still didn�t come to the hospital for another three (her parents live an hour away).

I felt so powerless when A was sick, because I�m not his mum or guardian and the hospital had regulations about how much I could do for and be with him and although he�s better now, I�m worried about looking after him again.

She asked me to take care of him again this weekend and I lost it, I explained that she had really put me in a horrible position while he was ill and if she doesn�t give me some sort of guardianship/medical rights over him I won�t be watching him again.

She cried and said I�m holding her hostage now by giving her an ultimatum that means she can�t see her parents if she doesn�t agree to give me rights to her son and now I feel like I may be TA.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Nov 11, 2022 13:42

Malcolm Excellent: May 20, 2007; Buglord

Give me your child, that I might live again

# ? Nov 11, 2022 13:45

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Give us the girl, and wipe away the debt

# ? Nov 11, 2022 13:54

AceClown: Sep 11, 2005

cake bunny posted:

But nothing in the actual OP says that. If you (general you) want to read into the post far beyond what is there,

lol that's kinda what we do here fam

# ? Nov 11, 2022 14:08

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

AceClown posted:

lol that's kinda what we do here fam

ain�t no one said it was mandatory

# ? Nov 11, 2022 14:13

Bonster: Mar 3, 2007; Keep rolling, rolling

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITA for making a teacher change my son's grade?

I never had to do this and am glad; my mom is adopted so her tree would have been poo poo, and my dad's extended family doesn't talk to each other.

Reddit had another reason:

The class I teach used to have a genogram assignment. Previous instructors would have students in their offices crying and other students trying to figure out the 4D chess of their family tree, including people who technically weren't related but were so close they should have been, foster families, failed adoptions and tons of traumatic family moments. Most students were fine with the assignment, but for a substantial handful it exposed them to re-traumatization.

I don't do that assignment. Students keep journals that do consider family issues, since that's what the class is about, but no one else sees them except me and even with that I've done some psychological first aid over time. Even journaling about family experiences should be approached with flexibility and sensitivity, IMO.

# ? Nov 11, 2022 14:20

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

crazy how often "come to me directly and don't involve my boss" and "you need to learn accountability" get used together

# ? Nov 11, 2022 14:29

AreWeDrunkYet: Jul 8, 2006

cake bunny posted:

Alternatively, maybe note that the "kid who is constantly causing emergencies" quip in this instance was specifically being applied to disabled children, and maybe you can see what I meant by pointing it out as an example of less than stellar ways of thinking about disabled people as posted itt. Also, when someone is said to be 'causing emergencies', that implies, you know, intent or something in their actions that made the emergency happen. As opposed to the situation in the OP, which was caused by the adult teachers who did not communicate about the play in a timely fashion, not by the disabled child, who was simply existing while having a disability.

This wasn't a dire situation specific to the kid's disability or a medical question - that is to say it wasn't an emergency except that OP made it one. The post you're responding to even points out that the issue isn't a response to actual emergencies, but that the parent fails to see that every need from the one child is not an emergency. It is a judgment about the parent, not the disabled kid. Both kids had a performance and the parent chose to support one over the other. Saying that it was a communication problem doesnt make things better, OP still obviously would have chosen the son, the extra time would have just made her feel better about never saying yes to daughter in the first place.

You're right that the disabled kid is blameless. They are just existing with a disability like you say, they didn't schedule their performance out of spite for the sister or anything. But then the sister did nothing wrong either, existing while not being disabled isn't inappropriate either. The focus here is on the OP who is unable to prioritize her children in a way that feels fair to the daughter. Dropping previously promised commitments for one kid to do the exact same thing for the other kid on short notice is like a textbook way to alienate people and make them feel unimportant.

AreWeDrunkYet fucked around with this message at 15:08 on Nov 11, 2022

# ? Nov 11, 2022 14:42

Kit Walker: Jul 10, 2010; "The Man Who Cannot Deadlift"

Bonster posted:

The class I teach used to have a genogram assignment. Previous instructors would have students in their offices crying and other students trying to figure out the 4D chess of their family tree, including people who technically weren't related but were so close they should have been, foster families, failed adoptions and tons of traumatic family moments. Most students were fine with the assignment, but for a substantial handful it exposed them to re-traumatization.

I don't do that assignment. Students keep journals that do consider family issues, since that's what the class is about, but no one else sees them except me and even with that I've done some psychological first aid over time. Even journaling about family experiences should be approached with flexibility and sensitivity, IMO.

The big brain solution is to just submit a tree with you and your parents and tell the teacher that they're both orphans and never knew their parents. Get them to play along and if your teacher calls to complain you can make them feel like a real rear end in a top hat

# ? Nov 11, 2022 14:48

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

Bonster posted:

The class I teach used to have a genogram assignment. Previous instructors would have students in their offices crying and other students trying to figure out the 4D chess of their family tree, including people who technically weren't related but were so close they should have been, foster families, failed adoptions and tons of traumatic family moments. Most students were fine with the assignment, but for a substantial handful it exposed them to re-traumatization.

I don't do that assignment. Students keep journals that do consider family issues, since that's what the class is about, but no one else sees them except me and even with that I've done some psychological first aid over time. Even journaling about family experiences should be approached with flexibility and sensitivity, IMO.

I would have killed for this in elementary school, as one grandma died from cancer when I was 10, who I was very close to, and another was died due to lack of medical supplies* in the 60s.

Thankfully, my mom spoke to my teacher who completely got it, and let me write about the family I wanted to write about.

I�m really happy those assignments are being reconsidered nowadays though lord help us if the right wing hears about that.

*as a result of civil war and the British just doin� their thang in Africa. she died in childbirth. she was a midwife. Not something for a fifth grader to have her mind wrap around!

# ? Nov 11, 2022 15:05

The Lord of Hats: Aug 22, 2010; Hello, yes! Is being very good day for posting, no?

Invisible Clergy posted:

The story itself isn't interesting enough to post but I came across the line "I am requesting that you don't actually judge me out of earned respect." while looking for content.

AITA for backing out on daughters school trip because disabled sons play is this same day?

On Reddit this is tagged as Not Enough Information, which I think is appropriate. As a single incident, it's unfortunate but understandable, and you can't really call the mom an rear end in a top hat for it. But it's also true that it's an incident that's really easy to extrapolate out to a trend that is going to hurt the daughter long-term. And I still can't quite say that that would make the mom a bad person, just someone who isn't up to the parenting task they've got on their hands. Which is still just as bad for the daughter, mind you, it doesn't become Not Neglect.

There was a weeks-long concrete promise of "I will be there for your field trip" that she last-minute cancelled, and replaced with a vague, offhanded promise of "I'll make it up to you." And I really don't see that promise coming through--it's a platitude with no actual thought behind it. How is she going to make it up? It can't just be "following through on another promise", it has to be something above and beyond, and there really doesn't seem to be a plan there. It's going to get forgotten by the mom, but it sure won't by the daughter.

It's a difficult situation, and I don't envy her being in it. But the onus is on her to make it work.

# ? Nov 11, 2022 15:32

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

'I'll make it up to you' is one of the hollowest things a parent can say even without a history of broken promises. Experiences like that cannot be replaced or replicated. They're gone and not coming around again. Kids know this.

# ? Nov 11, 2022 15:36

Bonster: Mar 3, 2007; Keep rolling, rolling

teen witch posted:

I would have killed for this in elementary school, as one grandma died from cancer when I was 10, who I was very close to, and another was died due to lack of medical supplies* in the 60s.

Thankfully, my mom spoke to my teacher who completely got it, and let me write about the family I wanted to write about.

I�m really happy those assignments are being reconsidered nowadays though lord help us if the right wing hears about that.

*as a result of civil war and the British just doin� their thang in Africa. she died in childbirth. she was a midwife. Not something for a fifth grader to have her mind wrap around!

Yeah, I make it clear throughout the class that students can always talk to me and I will help them find support if they feel overwhelmed by class content. I'm a therapist as well as a professor so I can provide that first line and I've worked with some very unstable and unhealthy families, I know not everyone comes from sunshine and roses. I think people making these assignments assume everyone is going to be from a relatively stable, healthy family, or just don't understand how difficult it can be if they aren't. That doesn't even get into family secrets.

# ? Nov 11, 2022 15:42

Motronic: Nov 6, 2009

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for asking my girlfriend not to swim in the morning?

Ahhh, there it is in the comments:

quote:

Staying for a while due to family/money issues�they weren�t paying rent on their last place, and started staying with my parents but had to leave because of �issues�

# ? Nov 11, 2022 15:50

Pondex: Jul 8, 2014

I bring you a new candidate for thread patron saint, this lady from r/TwoXChromosomes:

Today I learned what weaponised incompetence is and realised what I was going rheough with my ex

He would tell me to write him lists of things he needed to do.

His favourite sentence was "but youre just soooo much better at it than i am.... you do it"

He was always getting things "wrong" in a hope I just wouldn't ask him to do it any more

So, one day, I stopped playing into it and let him be "incompetent"

He would ask me where things were. I'd always say I didn't know. He told me to go to the Dr because I must have a memory problem or something. He would always immediately find it after declaring I needed psychological help

He "forgot" to take the wet washing out of the machine so it just sat in there festering. He asked where his shirt for work was, I said I don't know, he flipped his poo poo when he realised it was still in the machine. I simply said, that I didn't put the machine on so I didn't know it was in there.

When ever he cooked he made sure it tasted awful. I sat there and ate it like a champ and said how good it tasted and he should make it for when his parents came to visit.

He left his shoes and bag in the hall, right in the way, when his parents came over his dad tripped over his bag and broke his nose on the radiator. When they asked why the bag was there I just looked at him and said "thats your bag isnt it?"

He agreed to pick up his niece from school (by that he meant I would pick her up). He didn't show up and I was at work. He called me screaming because his niece hadn't been picked up. When I asked him why he agreed to pick her up if he never intended to he had no answer.

He purposely put cups and dishes the wrong way in the dishwasher meaning they filled with water. I'd just take them out and put them away and told him "I'm sure it's fine"

The final straw was when he ordered take out. He usually ordered something I didn't like because he knew I would just give it to him. The first time he did it, I ate it anyway. He was pissed. The second time, he ordered something he knows I'm allergic to. As soon as I opened the box I could feel myself swelling. But I sat down with him and went to take a bite. He screamed and hit the fork away "whats are you doing?!" Me "eating dinner? Why, its not poisoned is it?"

It was at that point he confessed he bought me something I was allergic to because he was fed up of me not caving to his pretend incompetence.

We broke up that night and he was even more pissed off.

# ? Nov 11, 2022 15:53

Kit Walker: Jul 10, 2010; "The Man Who Cannot Deadlift"

Pondex posted:

Today I learned what weaponised incompetence is and realised what I was going rheough with my ex

�Do it, coward. I am only the love of your life�

# ? Nov 11, 2022 16:05

AreWeDrunkYet: Jul 8, 2006

Pondex posted:

I bring you a new candidate for thread patron saint, this lady from r/TwoXChromosomes:

Today I learned what weaponised incompetence is and realised what I was going rheough with my ex

It's a fun read and all, but why would OP do this to themselves? Putting up with disgusting dishes and terrible food because you want to prove a point to someone you don't want to be with anyway?

quote:

He would tell me to write him lists of things he needed to do.

His favourite sentence was "but youre just soooo much better at it than i am.... you do it"

He was always getting things "wrong" in a hope I just wouldn't ask him to do it any more

So, one day, I stopped playing into it and dumped him.

That could have been the end of it and would have been less stress for OP.

# ? Nov 11, 2022 16:09

cumpantry: Dec 18, 2020

AreWeDrunkYet posted:

It's a fun read and all, but why would OP do this to themselves? Putting up with disgusting dishes and terrible food because you want to prove a point to someone you don't want to be with anyway?

That could have been the end of it and would have been less stress for OP.

less entertaining read though

# ? Nov 11, 2022 16:12

sephiRoth IRA: Jun 13, 2007; "Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality."

-Carl Sagan

AITA defending my husband after a prank went horribly wrong

quote:

My husband, Jayden (26), loves jokes and pranks and stuff. I'll admit I'm not one for them, and find most of them dumb, but our daughter Lucy (5) loves them. They basically do a bunch of stupid pranks to each other, and to be fair Jayden does keep it harmless. Last month we got some realistic looking spider toys with other decorations. Since we got them, Jayden and Lucy have basically taken turns putting them around the house to scare each other or me. I honestly find it annoying but the two of them love it. Lucy does usually get scared, but when she realises what it is she laughs and finds it funny or tells her dad off (it's actually adorable when she tells him off though), and Jayden always pretends he is scared even when she gives it away beforehand by giggling and watching him.

So about two weeks ago Jayden set it to fall on her when she opened her toybox in the playroom. Lucy didn't open it and apparently he forgot it. Later that week we had my family over including my brother Leon, and my nieces (Tara 3 and Zoe 6) over. Zoe was badly bitten by a spider when she was younger, even had to go to the hospital. Since then she is deathly afraid of them, I would go as far as to call it a phobia.

The kids went to play and the spiders fell on them. Zoe completely freaked out and just melted down. We came down and saw what happened. Jayden did apologise and try to cheer her up, but Leon was furious. He basically accused us of doing it on purpose, that we should know better and just calling us assholes. We did apologise and explained that it wasn't meant for Zoe, but my brother did not listen to him at all. Leon left early with my SIL and nieces, and the whole night was kind of ruined.

I've tried to talk.to him after, but Leon is still pretty pissed with us. It's been a week and he's still acting like we tried to murder Zoe. I've tried explaining again that it was an accident and mistake. But he basically thinks it's too convenient a mistake, and that if it is Jayden is still an rear end in a top hat for being so immature and I'm an rear end in a top hat for defending him.

So now he basically refuses to see us unless Jayden is banned, which is ridiculous. I do feel bad that it went so wrong and I understand that it was horrible mistake. But it wasn't meant to happen. It was meant to be for Lucy who likes these stupid pranks. I think Leon's overreacting and he thinks I just don't really care about my niece.

This kind of pranking is cute, but it is really unfortunate about the consequences.

# ? Nov 11, 2022 16:39

Andrast: Apr 21, 2010

AreWeDrunkYet posted:

It's a fun read and all, but why would OP do this to themselves? Putting up with disgusting dishes and terrible food because you want to prove a point to someone you don't want to be with anyway?

That could have been the end of it and would have been less stress for OP.

loving with him for a few days probably felt good

# ? Nov 11, 2022 16:47

cumpantry: Dec 18, 2020

sephiRoth IRA posted:

AITA defending my husband after a prank went horribly wrong

This kind of pranking is cute, but it is really unfortunate about the consequences.

op should tell her family she banned jayden after all. but little will they know that there is a surprise waiting up on the front door for their return...

# ? Nov 11, 2022 17:14

sephiRoth IRA: Jun 13, 2007; "Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality."

-Carl Sagan

Here's someone we can all agree to hate! :buddy:

AITA for canceling the plans for thanksgiving after my parents called my brother’s baby their “first grandchild”?

quote:

I (32f) have been with my wife Ava (34f) for 8 years now, but we’ve been married for 5. She was a single mom of three kids when we started dating, she had two daughters (now 10 & 12) and a son (now 16). I’ve watched these kids grow up, I’ve read the bedtime stories, done bath time, the first days of school, pta meetings, all of it. I very much consider them to be my kids, and they’ve been calling me mom for almost 6 years now.

My brother Ivan (28m) just had a baby girl with his fiancé Sara (27f). I love my niece, and my kids adore their cousin. My kids have been the only grandchildren on my side of the family since Ava and I got together, and there’s never been a moment where the kids and my wife were treated like they didn’t belong.
My brother is their uncle, my mom and dad are their nana and pop— the kids see my family as their family and I always thought that my family felt the same way about them.

The kids and I were over at my brother's house just hanging out, and my parents ended up dropping by with gifts for my niece.
Ivan laughed when he saw the toys and told our mom and dad that they were going to end up spoiling her rotten. My mom said since my niece is their first grandchild of course they have to spoil her.

My kids were sitting in the living room with all of us and my youngest daughter looked hurt when she realized what my mother said. My son and my 12yo didn’t fully react to it, but I could tell it bothered the both of them too.

Sara spoke up and said “oh you mean first grandbaby, not first grandchild.”

My dad shook his head and replied that my niece was their first grandchild. I didn’t want my kids to keep sitting there and listening to that so I handed my son my keys and told him to wait in the car with his sisters. When they were gone, I asked my parents why the hell they’d say that my kids weren’t their grandchildren, and my mom said they couldn’t be their grandchildren because they weren’t really my children.

My wife and I were going to be hosting thanksgiving at our house this year, but I told my parents that if they didn’t view my kids as their family, then they could just host a meal at their own house with their “real” family while I spent the holiday with mine.

I left before they could say anything else to me, and my wife and I have reiterated to the children that they will always be my kids and I will always be their other mom, regardless of our DNA.

My brother is pissed at me now because he thinks I reacted too harshly, and that I should try to see where my parents are coming from. My mom texted saying that she and my dad love the kids, but they still aren’t their grandchildren, and she hopes that we can come to understand that because she doesn’t want this to ruin my niece’s first thanksgiving.

I haven’t replied back. I meant what I said, but I’m worried that maybe I’m reacting too harshly.

# ? Nov 11, 2022 17:56

Alchenar: Apr 9, 2008

This tweet is much funnier than the question and the obvious answer the OP got:
https://twitter.com/abigail1963/status/1590839415521570816

# ? Nov 11, 2022 17:58

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

sephiRoth IRA posted:

Here's someone we can all agree to hate!

AITA for canceling the plans for thanksgiving after my parents called my brother’s baby their “first grandchild”?

but the jizz

what about the jizzzzzzzzz

# ? Nov 11, 2022 18:01

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 30, 2024 21:35

Cthulu Carl: Apr 16, 2006

Alchenar posted:

This tweet is much funnier than the question and the obvious answer the OP got:
https://twitter.com/abigail1963/status/1590839415521570816

I thought that lesson was demonstrated in the Friends episode where Joey became the poster boy for an STD

# ? Nov 11, 2022 18:16

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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