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Arsenic Lupin posted:Last power failure I found out that my $200 rice cooker has a battery to preserve the current time, but my $1400 stove does not. I forgot that my oven needs the time set to do anything other than switch on its light. Cost me £40 for a repair guy to do the domestic appliance equivalent of 'Did you switch it off and on again?" Obviously, I paid with good grace because I'm not paying for the 5 minutes for him to walk up the stairs and set the time, I'm paying for the knowledge that that was all that needed to be done. What was galling is that somewhere in my head I must have known the solution because when I first moved into the flat I'd have had to set the oven time to make it work.
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 10:40 |
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# ? May 30, 2024 19:01 |
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cake bunny posted:The way a lot of people in this thread continually demonize all parents dealing with the challenges of having a disabled child really comes across as outright hatred/disgust for the disabled a lot of the time. Some families are continuously lovely in how they handle things, but jfc, not every less-than-ideal single incident is indicative of the neglect or other mistreatment of a non-disabled sibling. This is the part where I'd make a gentleman's bet that this kid is going to dip at eighteen and leave mommy and daddy gobsmacked as to how they could be so callous but alas this is the only glimpse we get, but hey your headcanon might just be as valid as mine... probably not tho.
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 10:43 |
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Motherfucker posted:This is the part where I'd make a gentleman's bet that this kid is going to dip at eighteen and leave mommy and daddy gobsmacked as to how they could be so callous but alas this is the only glimpse we get, but hey your headcanon might just be as valid as mine... probably not tho. It's not headcanon to reply based on the text of what was posted, hth, or to point out that you were explicitly ignoring several parts of the OP/ inventing your own details to support your hosed up internal narrative that all parents of disabled children treat their non-disabled children terribly. I'm suggesting that maybe, just maybe, you and folks like you who managed to read that OP the way you did step back for a second and examine the fact that you kinda come across like you're three seconds from vocally supporting eugenics.
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 10:56 |
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cake bunny posted:The way a lot of people in this thread continually demonize all parents dealing with the challenges of having a disabled child really comes across as outright hatred/disgust for the disabled a lot of the time. Some families are continuously lovely in how they handle things, but jfc, not every less-than-ideal single incident is indicative of the neglect or other mistreatment of a non-disabled sibling. no one is demonising all parents of both able and disabled children with varying needs, I'd wager the majority of these situations are handled with maturity and respect. people who post on reddit are the minority and have neither of these things
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 11:03 |
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cake bunny posted:The way a lot of people in this thread continually demonize all parents dealing with the challenges of having a disabled child really comes across as outright hatred/disgust for the disabled a lot of the time. Some families are continuously lovely in how they handle things, but jfc, not every less-than-ideal single incident is indicative of the neglect or other mistreatment of a non-disabled sibling. The fact that she’s breaking a promise she made to her daughter several weeks ago, and the fact that her daughter is super pissed about it, point to the all too common dynamic where the neurotypical/able bodied child has to give up tons of stuff in favor of the disabled child. It’s not the one time, it’s the hundred times before and after that. A lot of parents are really bad at seeing the kid that isn’t constantly causing emergencies.
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 11:14 |
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tagging onto the last two posts, I'm speaking in terms of observable trends and experience in mine own life and others, I don't need to be discoursed at by someone naive enough to try and speak for all disabled people while apparently taking the reddit post at face value without perhaps considering that someone on AITA might be doing damage control.
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 11:23 |
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I’m having a pretty horrifying day (found a small lump on my cat’s abdomen), so if you can all take it down several notches. Remember that your experiences are not universal, and the major Reddit rule: you never hear about the experiences that are totally normal, universal, and fine. I will allow this conversation to continue in a beneficial and respectful way, on all sides. Should someone decide to ignore that, consider the chat over and time outs for all.
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 11:28 |
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therobit posted:The fact that she’s breaking a promise she made to her daughter several weeks ago, and the fact that her daughter is super pissed about it, point to the all too common dynamic where the neurotypical/able bodied child has to give up tons of stuff in favor of the disabled child. It’s not the one time, it’s the hundred times before and after that. A lot of parents are really bad at seeing the kid that isn’t constantly causing emergencies. Real question, do you spend much time around 11 year olds? It's extremely normal for them to get really upset at a non-preferred change even if those types of changes are not a usual thing. Why the hell shouldn't the kid be that upset at the parent not being able to do what they said they were going to do? It's disappointing, and disappointment is upsetting. Could it be common in that family and the OP is leaving that out? Sure. But nothing in the actual OP says that. If you (general you) want to read into the post far beyond what is there, I'm just saying that it says way more about you and your personal biases than it does about the Redditor who wrote the OP. Also, this right here: therobit posted:the kid that isn’t constantly causing emergencies Is exactly the type of thing I mean when I say that a lot of the language used in this thread when discussing the disabled is really, really awful and demeaning. teen witch posted:I’m having a pretty horrifying day (found a small lump on my cat’s abdomen), so if you can all take it down several notches. I'm sorry that's going on, TW. Respectfully, though, no, it's really upsetting to repeatedly see things termed this way, and I don't think it's wrong for me, a person with disabilities, to voice that there are folks in this thread who, in their understandable upset at some hosed up situations, are often quick to jump in with really demonizing assumptions that then get broadly applied across the board. And yeah, I do think it's pretty okay for me to say that, in general, disabled folks don't really like it being implied that their existence fucks everything up for everyone else as a rule, which is an awful lot like how the responses to disability-related OPs often sound. cake bunny fucked around with this message at 11:39 on Nov 11, 2022 |
# ? Nov 11, 2022 11:31 |
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Evil Willow posted:AITA for asking my girlfriend not to swim in the morning? There is no shame in telling your guests in no uncertain terms to gently caress right off. OP should've done that instead of trying to bend to brother who is weird about ... A person swimming in a pool??? Also if you're a light sleeper who instead of carrying earplugs everywhere you go insist people are quite you get to dip a toe into the acid vat.
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 11:36 |
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cake bunny posted:Real question, do you spend much time around 11 year olds? It's extremely normal for them to get really upset at a non-preferred change even if those types of changes are not a usual thing. Why the hell shouldn't the kid be that upset at the parent not being able to do what they said they were going to do? It's disappointing, and disappointment is upsetting. Could it be common in that family and the OP is leaving that out? Sure. But nothing in the actual OP says that. If you (general you) want to read into the post far beyond what is there, I'm just saying that it says way more about you and your personal biases than it does about the Redditor who wrote the OP. You think this dynamic doesn't happen in neurotypical families? 'the kid who is constantly causing emergencies' is not a disabled exclusive category. It may be a mitigating circumstance, one could argue its a valid reason to divert that attention... but it doesn't change the outcome for that girl or how this particular story goes.
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 11:43 |
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Addendum because I think my mind is just gone rn: if there are any instances of lovely ableist attitudes or behavior that I or others have missed please let me know. I might not pick up on it! Alternatively, you can mitigate it by not engaging in such behavior
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 11:43 |
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Motherfucker posted:You think this dynamic doesn't happen in neurotypical families? 'the kid who is constantly causing emergencies' is not a disabled exclusive category. It may be a mitigating circumstance, one could argue its a valid reason to divert that attention... but it doesn't change the outcome for that girl or how this particular story goes. lol, my original point was that everything about the OP was entirely something that just happens in families, period, regardless of anyone's disability status. Alternatively, maybe note that the "kid who is constantly causing emergencies" quip in this instance was specifically being applied to disabled children, and maybe you can see what I meant by pointing it out as an example of less than stellar ways of thinking about disabled people as posted itt. Also, when someone is said to be 'causing emergencies', that implies, you know, intent or something in their actions that made the emergency happen. As opposed to the situation in the OP, which was caused by the adult teachers who did not communicate about the play in a timely fashion, not by the disabled child, who was simply existing while having a disability. teen witch posted:Addendum because I think my mind is just gone rn: if there are any instances of lovely ableist attitudes or behavior that I or others have missed please let me know. I might not pick up on it! Thanks, and I hope your cat is okay. cake bunny fucked around with this message at 12:01 on Nov 11, 2022 |
# ? Nov 11, 2022 11:56 |
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cake bunny posted:lol, my original point was that everything about the OP was entirely something that just happens in families, period, regardless of anyone's disability status. The parent is allowing the fact that one of their kids is autistic to dictate how and if they engage with their other kid in a normal way. That’s pretty hosed up. I could phrase it better perhaps, but it is a super common dynamic and if you don’t believe that then maybe spend some time talking to the neurotypical siblings of autistic kids. I could say instead the kid that is constantly having emergencies or the kid that requires extraordinary amounts of mom’s attention to the detriment of their siblings if that makes you feel better. It is totally possible to treat the two kids fairly but a ton of parents screw it up badly and acknowledging that isn’t ableism. therobit fucked around with this message at 12:12 on Nov 11, 2022 |
# ? Nov 11, 2022 12:05 |
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teen witch posted:I’m having a pretty horrifying day (found a small lump on my cat’s abdomen), so if you can all take it down several notches. good luck with your cat. mine got a lump two years ago, he was way too old to operate, and he's still chugging along fine. just lumpy. currently he is doing laps of the living room and screaming because dinner was several hours ago and this makes him unhappy
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 12:10 |
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therobit posted:The parent is allowing the fact that one of their kids is autistic to dictate how and if they engage with their other kid in a normal way. That’s pretty hosed up. I could phrase it better perhaps, but it is a super common dynamic and if you don’t believe that then maybe spend some time talking to the neurotypical siblings of autistic kids. I could say instead the kid that is constantly having emergencies or the kid that requires extraordinary amounts of mom’s attention to the detriment of their siblings if that makes you feel better. It is totally possible to treat the two kids fairly but a ton of parents screw it up badly and acknowledging that isn’t ableism. There's no real indication that OP's situation is anything more than an unfortunate one-off conflict. No one is saying that bad dynamics like you're describing don't exist, either. This whole discussion happened because of an overblown response to the OP, and that's what cake bunny was addressing
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 13:04 |
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Chill on the play, guys, please. AITA for telling my friend she needs to give me legal rights to her baby quote:I’m going to try and explain this as clearly as possible but it’s very confusing story so sorry in advance. (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 13:42 |
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Give me your child, that I might live again
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 13:45 |
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Give us the girl, and wipe away the debt
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 13:54 |
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cake bunny posted:But nothing in the actual OP says that. If you (general you) want to read into the post far beyond what is there, lol that's kinda what we do here fam
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 14:08 |
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AceClown posted:lol that's kinda what we do here fam ain’t no one said it was mandatory
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 14:13 |
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Cowslips Warren posted:AITA for making a teacher change my son's grade? The class I teach used to have a genogram assignment. Previous instructors would have students in their offices crying and other students trying to figure out the 4D chess of their family tree, including people who technically weren't related but were so close they should have been, foster families, failed adoptions and tons of traumatic family moments. Most students were fine with the assignment, but for a substantial handful it exposed them to re-traumatization. I don't do that assignment. Students keep journals that do consider family issues, since that's what the class is about, but no one else sees them except me and even with that I've done some psychological first aid over time. Even journaling about family experiences should be approached with flexibility and sensitivity, IMO.
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 14:20 |
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crazy how often "come to me directly and don't involve my boss" and "you need to learn accountability" get used together
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 14:29 |
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cake bunny posted:Alternatively, maybe note that the "kid who is constantly causing emergencies" quip in this instance was specifically being applied to disabled children, and maybe you can see what I meant by pointing it out as an example of less than stellar ways of thinking about disabled people as posted itt. Also, when someone is said to be 'causing emergencies', that implies, you know, intent or something in their actions that made the emergency happen. As opposed to the situation in the OP, which was caused by the adult teachers who did not communicate about the play in a timely fashion, not by the disabled child, who was simply existing while having a disability. This wasn't a dire situation specific to the kid's disability or a medical question - that is to say it wasn't an emergency except that OP made it one. The post you're responding to even points out that the issue isn't a response to actual emergencies, but that the parent fails to see that every need from the one child is not an emergency. It is a judgment about the parent, not the disabled kid. Both kids had a performance and the parent chose to support one over the other. Saying that it was a communication problem doesnt make things better, OP still obviously would have chosen the son, the extra time would have just made her feel better about never saying yes to daughter in the first place. You're right that the disabled kid is blameless. They are just existing with a disability like you say, they didn't schedule their performance out of spite for the sister or anything. But then the sister did nothing wrong either, existing while not being disabled isn't inappropriate either. The focus here is on the OP who is unable to prioritize her children in a way that feels fair to the daughter. Dropping previously promised commitments for one kid to do the exact same thing for the other kid on short notice is like a textbook way to alienate people and make them feel unimportant. AreWeDrunkYet fucked around with this message at 15:08 on Nov 11, 2022 |
# ? Nov 11, 2022 14:42 |
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Bonster posted:The class I teach used to have a genogram assignment. Previous instructors would have students in their offices crying and other students trying to figure out the 4D chess of their family tree, including people who technically weren't related but were so close they should have been, foster families, failed adoptions and tons of traumatic family moments. Most students were fine with the assignment, but for a substantial handful it exposed them to re-traumatization. The big brain solution is to just submit a tree with you and your parents and tell the teacher that they're both orphans and never knew their parents. Get them to play along and if your teacher calls to complain you can make them feel like a real rear end in a top hat
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 14:48 |
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Bonster posted:The class I teach used to have a genogram assignment. Previous instructors would have students in their offices crying and other students trying to figure out the 4D chess of their family tree, including people who technically weren't related but were so close they should have been, foster families, failed adoptions and tons of traumatic family moments. Most students were fine with the assignment, but for a substantial handful it exposed them to re-traumatization. I would have killed for this in elementary school, as one grandma died from cancer when I was 10, who I was very close to, and another was died due to lack of medical supplies* in the 60s. Thankfully, my mom spoke to my teacher who completely got it, and let me write about the family I wanted to write about. I’m really happy those assignments are being reconsidered nowadays though lord help us if the right wing hears about that. *as a result of civil war and the British just doin’ their thang in Africa. she died in childbirth. she was a midwife. Not something for a fifth grader to have her mind wrap around!
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 15:05 |
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Invisible Clergy posted:The story itself isn't interesting enough to post but I came across the line "I am requesting that you don't actually judge me out of earned respect." while looking for content. On Reddit this is tagged as Not Enough Information, which I think is appropriate. As a single incident, it's unfortunate but understandable, and you can't really call the mom an rear end in a top hat for it. But it's also true that it's an incident that's really easy to extrapolate out to a trend that is going to hurt the daughter long-term. And I still can't quite say that that would make the mom a bad person, just someone who isn't up to the parenting task they've got on their hands. Which is still just as bad for the daughter, mind you, it doesn't become Not Neglect. There was a weeks-long concrete promise of "I will be there for your field trip" that she last-minute cancelled, and replaced with a vague, offhanded promise of "I'll make it up to you." And I really don't see that promise coming through--it's a platitude with no actual thought behind it. How is she going to make it up? It can't just be "following through on another promise", it has to be something above and beyond, and there really doesn't seem to be a plan there. It's going to get forgotten by the mom, but it sure won't by the daughter. It's a difficult situation, and I don't envy her being in it. But the onus is on her to make it work.
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 15:32 |
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'I'll make it up to you' is one of the hollowest things a parent can say even without a history of broken promises. Experiences like that cannot be replaced or replicated. They're gone and not coming around again. Kids know this.
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 15:36 |
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teen witch posted:I would have killed for this in elementary school, as one grandma died from cancer when I was 10, who I was very close to, and another was died due to lack of medical supplies* in the 60s. Yeah, I make it clear throughout the class that students can always talk to me and I will help them find support if they feel overwhelmed by class content. I'm a therapist as well as a professor so I can provide that first line and I've worked with some very unstable and unhealthy families, I know not everyone comes from sunshine and roses. I think people making these assignments assume everyone is going to be from a relatively stable, healthy family, or just don't understand how difficult it can be if they aren't. That doesn't even get into family secrets.
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 15:42 |
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Evil Willow posted:AITA for asking my girlfriend not to swim in the morning? Ahhh, there it is in the comments: quote:Staying for a while due to family/money issues…they weren’t paying rent on their last place, and started staying with my parents but had to leave because of “issues”
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 15:50 |
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I bring you a new candidate for thread patron saint, this lady from r/TwoXChromosomes: Today I learned what weaponised incompetence is and realised what I was going rheough with my ex He would tell me to write him lists of things he needed to do. His favourite sentence was "but youre just soooo much better at it than i am.... you do it" He was always getting things "wrong" in a hope I just wouldn't ask him to do it any more So, one day, I stopped playing into it and let him be "incompetent" He would ask me where things were. I'd always say I didn't know. He told me to go to the Dr because I must have a memory problem or something. He would always immediately find it after declaring I needed psychological help He "forgot" to take the wet washing out of the machine so it just sat in there festering. He asked where his shirt for work was, I said I don't know, he flipped his poo poo when he realised it was still in the machine. I simply said, that I didn't put the machine on so I didn't know it was in there. When ever he cooked he made sure it tasted awful. I sat there and ate it like a champ and said how good it tasted and he should make it for when his parents came to visit. He left his shoes and bag in the hall, right in the way, when his parents came over his dad tripped over his bag and broke his nose on the radiator. When they asked why the bag was there I just looked at him and said "thats your bag isnt it?" He agreed to pick up his niece from school (by that he meant I would pick her up). He didn't show up and I was at work. He called me screaming because his niece hadn't been picked up. When I asked him why he agreed to pick her up if he never intended to he had no answer. He purposely put cups and dishes the wrong way in the dishwasher meaning they filled with water. I'd just take them out and put them away and told him "I'm sure it's fine" The final straw was when he ordered take out. He usually ordered something I didn't like because he knew I would just give it to him. The first time he did it, I ate it anyway. He was pissed. The second time, he ordered something he knows I'm allergic to. As soon as I opened the box I could feel myself swelling. But I sat down with him and went to take a bite. He screamed and hit the fork away "whats are you doing?!" Me "eating dinner? Why, its not poisoned is it?" It was at that point he confessed he bought me something I was allergic to because he was fed up of me not caving to his pretend incompetence. We broke up that night and he was even more pissed off.
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 15:53 |
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Pondex posted:Today I learned what weaponised incompetence is and realised what I was going rheough with my ex “Do it, coward. I am only the love of your life”
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 16:05 |
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Pondex posted:I bring you a new candidate for thread patron saint, this lady from r/TwoXChromosomes: It's a fun read and all, but why would OP do this to themselves? Putting up with disgusting dishes and terrible food because you want to prove a point to someone you don't want to be with anyway? quote:He would tell me to write him lists of things he needed to do. That could have been the end of it and would have been less stress for OP.
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 16:09 |
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AreWeDrunkYet posted:It's a fun read and all, but why would OP do this to themselves? Putting up with disgusting dishes and terrible food because you want to prove a point to someone you don't want to be with anyway? less entertaining read though
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 16:12 |
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AITA defending my husband after a prank went horribly wrongquote:
This kind of pranking is cute, but it is really unfortunate about the consequences.
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 16:39 |
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AreWeDrunkYet posted:It's a fun read and all, but why would OP do this to themselves? Putting up with disgusting dishes and terrible food because you want to prove a point to someone you don't want to be with anyway? loving with him for a few days probably felt good
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 16:47 |
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sephiRoth IRA posted:AITA defending my husband after a prank went horribly wrong op should tell her family she banned jayden after all. but little will they know that there is a surprise waiting up on the front door for their return...
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 17:14 |
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Here's someone we can all agree to hate! AITA for canceling the plans for thanksgiving after my parents called my brother’s baby their “first grandchild”? quote:
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 17:56 |
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This tweet is much funnier than the question and the obvious answer the OP got: https://twitter.com/abigail1963/status/1590839415521570816
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 17:58 |
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sephiRoth IRA posted:Here's someone we can all agree to hate! but the jizz what about the jizzzzzzzzz
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 18:01 |
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# ? May 30, 2024 19:01 |
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Alchenar posted:This tweet is much funnier than the question and the obvious answer the OP got: I thought that lesson was demonstrated in the Friends episode where Joey became the poster boy for an STD
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# ? Nov 11, 2022 18:16 |