r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

Coca Koala: Nov 28, 2005; ongoing nowhere; College Slice

I've gone through a lot of background checks in my life and I would absolutely not backdate a consent for one of them, gently caress that.

# ? Dec 16, 2022 04:46

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# ? May 14, 2024 03:45

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

wheatpuppy posted:

Ok but what's the second bedroom for then?

I assumed an impending kid or something, but yeah, good question.

In the comments, she points out that the daughter prefers to stay with her mom and may not even want a room, and he's emphasized getting her to put the room together "like when she was little." So it could be a jerkass stepmom or it could be the dad's trying to cling to his kid's childhood. Who knows until someone communicates!

# ? Dec 16, 2022 04:51

wizardofloneliness: Dec 30, 2008

wheatpuppy posted:

Ok but what's the second bedroom for then?

Presumably some kind of office/hobby room/bedroom for her eight cats.

# ? Dec 16, 2022 04:57

mutantIke: Oct 24, 2022; Born in '04
Certified Zoomer

wheatpuppy posted:

Ok but what's the second bedroom for then?

Not to dogpile but "vacant bedroom of absent child" and "guest bedroom" are two different concepts with two different vibes. The former has more posters while the latter has more hot-glued seashells

# ? Dec 16, 2022 05:29

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

mutantIke posted:

Not to dogpile but "vacant bedroom of absent child" and "guest bedroom" are two different concepts with two different vibes. The former has more posters while the latter has more hot-glued seashells

My mom uses my old bedroom has a guest room, and has kept a few things around, like my books.

Hope the guests enjoy Rubyfruit Jungle, mom.

# ? Dec 16, 2022 05:33

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

I literally came home for summer vacation and found my bedroom turned into my mom's sewing room. (Still had my bed in it.)

Sadly, i was not able to pass the tradition down. I still don't have a sewing room.

# ? Dec 16, 2022 05:36

mutantIke: Oct 24, 2022; Born in '04
Certified Zoomer

Just about the only thing left in my bedroom that I can say is definitively mine is the Saturn Devouring His Son print hanging on the wall

# ? Dec 16, 2022 05:41

Troublemaker: Mar 12, 2007

trickybiscuits posted:

quote:
Dear Prudence,

I�m not sure what to do. My daughter divorced last year after four years of marriage. I was caught off guard. In that four years, I saw her yelling loudly at her husband, in our company, and he did not ever seem combative in return. Looking back, I can see some of the issues, but we (her father and I) were surprised the day she told us he was moving out. On that day, she told me to never mention his name again and never ask about the divorce. I have abided by both of those requests and many other mandates she has issued to me in the ensuing year. I seem to have become Enemy No. 1. Our relationship has deteriorated horribly. She is now engaged and living with another fellow. I�m constantly being told what her boundaries are and being issued ultimatums to obey or she will have nothing more to do with me. She has refused to go to counseling with me.

Today she found out I had �liked� a Facebook post of her ex-husband about his new relationship with his new girlfriend. (In no way have I hidden I was still his friend on FB, etc.) Once again, she came after me, demanding I unfriend him. �It�s him or me� were her exact words. I unfriended him. But at this point, I am exhausted from her demands, or really, just the disrespectful way she gives them to me. I do not talk to her ex or have any relationship with him. I have no idea why they divorced or any specific issues, as that was part of her first set of demands she laid down. Is it really so awful to remain FB friends with an ex of one of your children? She has told me, angrily, I should know that and am intentionally disrespecting her. I contend they were eager for us to develop a bond with this person when they first introduced us. We did as we came get to know them. They had time to realize the relationship was going to end. We did not. And were never privy to any reasons why.

� I Can�t Get it Right

Dear I Can�t Get it Right,

Walk me through the moment when you were scrolling through your social media feed and saw that your daughter�s ex, who she clearly feels angry at and sensitive about, had a new girlfriend. When you lifted your finger to hit a button that would let everyone (including your daughter!) know that you wanted to communicate your support and approval of the new relationship � what was going through your head? What did you hope would happen? How did you hope she would feel when she saw it? I don�t know, maybe that�s not a fair question�after all, I wouldn�t want to have to answer �What were you hoping to accomplish?� with every dumb tweet or Instagram story. But I do think it�s at least worth exploring. Did you think about your daughter�s feelings? Did you think about them and decide they didn�t matter? If so, what did you base that on?

It�s not that it was �so awful� to remain friends with him or to continue to interact with him. I just wonder why you wanted to, and how that thinking connects to how you might have treated your daughter in the past. Hear me out: Every letter I receive is written from the perspective of one person, and is likely missing information that could make them look like the bad guy. But here, the missing information is kind of jumping off the page. I suspect that for some reason, based on your past behavior, your daughter didn�t feel comfortable telling you about the issues in her marriage. I suspect you might have hurt her feelings in similar situations in the past, or just been generally judgmental. I suspect that she worries that you might have blamed her for the divorce or even taken her ex�s side. These are the sorts of patterns that generally push people to erect the �boundaries� and issue the �ultimatums� with family members that you find so grating. Of course, I could be completely wrong. Maybe she�s totally unreasonable and was the bad guy in her marriage. But your level of concern over your �bond� with the ex�as if he�s on equal footing with the woman you raised when it comes to your loyalty�makes me wonder whether you�re not as clueless as you claim to be about why she�s behaving the way she is right now. Give it some thought.

What the gently caress was up Prudence's rear end on this one?

The daughter sounds like a piece of work--is engaged and living with another dude a year after last year's divorce from a man she would scream at in front of her parents while he sat there and took it. That the husband moved out and OP's daughter made them swear to never ask about it certainly doesn't paint her in a good light. I don't know if I expected Prudence to say, "Yeah, your kid's a fuckup, just ignore her dramatic bullshit," but I didn't expect her to go full-on scold about What the gently caress were you thinking, liking the ex's status post??!!

# ? Dec 16, 2022 05:47

Foo Diddley: Oct 29, 2011; cat

AITA for giving my boyfriend an ultimatum over his racist friend?

quote:

insert classic this a throwaway account

1 (30f) am in a pickle. My boyfriend (32m) is one of the nicest guys I've ever met. On the other hand his friend is probably one of the worst. Everything in his life is falling apart because he's a raging alcoholic and narcissist. He's losing his wife, and the ppl he works with are equally sick of his antics. Half of the friendship is my boyfriend just feeling bad for him. A raging rear end in a top hat, that's no sweat, I see and deal with them every day. But as a POC dating a white man, racism is nothing I will put up with. This man has called my friends and I slurs more than once.

Because of this my boyfriend cut him off for a while, but be friend is going through a hard time he has reached out for support. My friends and I never got an apology from him. This man goes through life just doing whatever he wants to whoever he wants to do it. He is known for being all around awful and problematic person. My bf can't even rely on him for anything simple. I gave him the benefit of the doubt many times despite everything, and every time he showed his true colors.

My bf said "I understand why you don't like him. But I feel bad for him" He said he defended me and will continue to do so, but how can you say you will defend me when you're actively keeping a relationship with someone who has caused me and my friends harm? How can I expect him to defend me in the future?

So reddit, am I the rear end in a top hat for giving him an ultimatum between me and his friend?

i understand why you don't like him, but it's very important that i support my drunken racist rear end in a top hat friend while he circles the drain

# ? Dec 16, 2022 05:51

emptyspace: Oct 21, 2008

Foo Diddley posted:

AITA for giving my boyfriend an ultimatum over his racist friend?

i understand why you don't like him, but it's very important that i support my drunken racist rear end in a top hat friend while he circles the drain

Ok, I don't like him and don't want to be around him. I don't see how that's an ultimatum, though, as opposed to a boundary. It's not like she's saying, "if you talk to this racist dickhead, we're done".

# ? Dec 16, 2022 05:59

wheatpuppy: Apr 25, 2008; YOU HAVE MY POST!

emptyspace posted:

Ok, I don't like him and don't want to be around him. I don't see how that's an ultimatum, though, as opposed to a boundary. It's not like she's saying, "if you talk to this racist dickhead, we're done".

To me, this bit:

quote:

how can you say you will defend me when you're actively keeping a relationship with someone who has caused me and my friends harm

Sounds like she wants him to stop hanging around the racist rear end in a top hat. Which, fair, on account of the racist assholery.

# ? Dec 16, 2022 06:12

Pomme de Terror: Sep 30, 2021; Well, one of us must have killed him!

AITA for exposing my coworker's bathroom habits?

quote:

I (25F) work at a smaller company of about 15 people. I get along with pretty much everyone with the exception of someone we'll call Alexis (40F). Alexis is very socially conservative and I am not. I do my best to not talk about things I know will cause an argument, but they sometimes happen anyway.

One time I used the bathroom right after the cleaning crew finished cleaning it and didn't bother putting the toilet seat down because I was just going to squat to pee. I washed my hands and when I exited, I bumped straight into Alexis. I apologized and went on with my day.

For the next two weeks, I thought Alexis was being particularly sanctimonious, but I didn't say anything as it wasn't too out of character. The subject of women's sports came up during lunch and she made a snide comment along the lines of, "People like OP ruin them for everyone else."

I'm immediately confused. I�ve never been athletically inclined at any age, so ask, "Do you mean tall people?"

"No, 'women' that are still biologically men," she says with a glare.

At the time, this came out of left field. I am a cisgender woman. While I am still a tomboy in my interests, I am very physically feminine presenting. I said, "Okay, one: There is nothing wrong with being transgender. Two: I am not transgender. Why would you even say that?"

"You can't fool me. I saw you come out of the bathroom and the toilet seat was UP." I stared in disbelief as she seemed convinced this was the biggest "gotcha" moment. She couldn't even hide her smug smile.

"I squatted, Alexis." The energy of the room was getting very awkward, so I decided to make a joke. "Are you telling me that you park your bare rear end on the toilet seat in public restrooms?"

She turned bright red. Apparently she did, because she started muttering something about "not being weird" before bursting into tears and leaving the room.

My coworkers think it was rude of me to "expose" her like that, but I don't think I did anything wrong for trying to defuse a situation she put herself in. AITA?

EDIT: I'd like to address a few things. 1. A lot of you mentioned going to HR. I wasn't going to because I thought I would get in trouble too, but if I had been trans, this story could have ended very differently. I'm going to arrange a meeting. 2. I hear you all loud and clear about squatting vs sitting. Unfortunately, I was diagnosed with OCD in the height of the pandemic and many of my delusions are centered around germs and contamination. I'm gonna work on that, but sitting may not be in my future. At the very least, I'm going to look into pelvic floor exercises so I don't end up incontinent at 40. 3. A lot of you think this is fake, and considering that a majority of poo poo on Reddit never happened, I don't blame you. I was a professional fiction writer for awhile and I try to make what I write at least a little bit interesting to read, so my style may be throwing you off. If I did make this up, I probably would have had at least one coworker in solidarity with me and, I don't know, maybe I did volleyball in high school? I'm a very lame protagonist.

gently caress TERFs, now and forever

# ? Dec 16, 2022 06:36

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Pomme de Terror posted:

AITA for exposing my coworker's bathroom habits?

gently caress TERFs, now and forever

"You shouldn't expose her for being an rear end in a top hat! But it's fine if she outs you, even if she's wrong." Coworkers are real shitters too.

# ? Dec 16, 2022 06:43

Foo Diddley: Oct 29, 2011; cat

imagine being so poisoned by hate that you feel the need to appoint yourself as the office Toilet Cop

# ? Dec 16, 2022 07:18

PiratePrentice: Oct 29, 2022; by Hand Knit

Very rarely would I side with someone who thinks sitting on a toilet seat is weird on account of how ridiculous germaphobes are, but they're a hell of a lot better than transphobic shitheats lol

# ? Dec 16, 2022 07:31

BrigadierSensible: Feb 16, 2012; I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

Pomme de Terror posted:

AITA for exposing my coworker's bathroom habits?

gently caress TERFs, now and forever

Yes. gently caress TERFs. And gently caress someone who is prepared to out a co-worker.

But another of her crimes, (which is minor compared to the two mentioned above), is snooping on and snitching about someone elses toilet habits. Especially leaving the toilet seat up. Coz that means she specifically looked, noted, and remembered who was in the cubicle before her, and considered it important enough info to use as gossip fuel. It's not even something that affects anyone else. Yelling in the break room "She didn't wash her hands after taking a poo poo! Thats unhygienic" would also be bad, but at least you can argue thats in the service of workplace health.

What she did was unforgivable. She deserves to be embarrassed, and also to have HR take a very close look at her.

# ? Dec 16, 2022 07:34

kissekatt: Apr 20, 2005; I have tasted the fruit.

Pomme de Terror posted:

AITA for exposing my coworker's bathroom habits?

gently caress TERFs, now and forever

There isn't much indication that she is a TERF, sounds more just like a regular old transphobe.

# ? Dec 16, 2022 08:10

Serephina: Nov 8, 2005; 恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー

Sister in law [19] is talking an older man [36] and I�m not sure how I feel or what to do.

quote:

This man is a family friend on my wife�s side of the family and recently my SIL has only told me that she�s starting to talk to him. They�ve been meeting up in secret and I let her know how uncomfortable I feel about the situation and age gap. She told me he had messaged her on FB and they talked every now and then. He then said he�s never felt this way about anyone else and I explained to her that he�s in a different stage of his life (3 kids and recently going through a divorce) and I think it�s more lust than love. She told me they�ve kissed a few times but she doesn�t see anything long term with him. I told my wife about everything and we�re both afraid to tell her mother because we�re not sure her mom can do anything about the situation.

Edit: forgot to mention at first I thought he was a good guy but when he started to drunk Snapchat her about how much he cares for her my mind changed. He messaged her that they didn�t have to date and he was fine with just hooking up with her. She was pissed about it but she still sees him and talks to him.

tl;dr: My sister in law [19] is talking to a family friend [36] who�s going through a divorce and Im not sure what to do.

Big laugh at the edit. You don't say?

# ? Dec 16, 2022 08:30

tinytort: Jun 10, 2013; Super healthy, super cheap

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITA for not wanting to give my adult stepdaughter her own room in our new home?

AITA for causing my ex-girlfriend's father to lose his job

NTA, for either of them. Jane doesn't need a room of her own when she has an apartment and doesn't visit often enough to need a dedicated space. And if that changes, the guest room can become hers.

And if the ex's dad didn't want to get fired for abusing a company privilege like that, then he shouldn't have done it. It's not like it's hard to avoid doing. And he didn't get fired shortly before retirement because of one gently caress up. He got fired because that one gently caress up gave them reason to dig into every single time he's requested a background check on someone, and that made it clear that this is a pattern of behaviour. He probably had to do ethics training and sign poo poo saying he wouldn't abuse the ability or use it for anything except doing background checks on consenting employees.

wheatpuppy posted:

LOL get rekt, old dude. Guaranteed that's not the first time he's abused his work access to creep on someone. You can run perfectly legal background checks but they charge a fee, so he was just being cheap and torpedoed his own career.

This exactly. If he did it once and failed to cover his tracks, then at minimum he's been doing it to every boyfriend she's had. He didn't get fired for it being the first time.

Coca Koala posted:

I've gone through a lot of background checks in my life and I would absolutely not backdate a consent for one of them, gently caress that.

Hard same. If Creep Dad wanted to cover his tracks, he should have made sure to get that written consent before the break-up. He was probably getting sloppy.

kissekatt posted:

There isn't much indication that she is a TERF, sounds more just like a regular old transphobe.

No, the "ruining sports for real women" is a dogwhistle. Not even that subtle of one.

# ? Dec 16, 2022 08:59

Ayndin: Mar 13, 2010

Metis of the Hallway posted:

Yeah it's an honest mistake, I think 90% of my reports ever are asking for changes to the raised by wolves thread title in TV IV lol so I'd probably do the same here by accident.

My girlfriend (26F) criticizes me (25M) in the form of jokes instead of just being straightforward with me.

We see stuff like this come up all the time and I have to wonder how hard it is to see that it indicates some level of internalized contempt/resentment for the person being criticized. It�s only going to get worse, get out now!

Also not to draw out the self-published textbook thing longer, but one of my core mid-level CS classes passed out soft-bound bricks of paper, as the textbook, written by the professors, hadn�t quite made it to full print that semester. I only mention this because this textbook has one of the best lines I have ever read in a textbook and I remember it to this day: �Long-running programs such as servers and daemons should always remember to reap their zombie children.�

# ? Dec 16, 2022 09:27

Electric Wrigglies: Feb 6, 2015

tinytort posted:

NTA, for either of them. Jane doesn't need a room of her own when she has an apartment and doesn't visit often enough to need a dedicated space. And if that changes, the guest room can become hers.

And if the ex's dad didn't want to get fired for abusing a company privilege like that, then he shouldn't have done it. It's not like it's hard to avoid doing. And he didn't get fired shortly before retirement because of one gently caress up. He got fired because that one gently caress up gave them reason to dig into every single time he's requested a background check on someone, and that made it clear that this is a pattern of behaviour. He probably had to do ethics training and sign poo poo saying he wouldn't abuse the ability or use it for anything except doing background checks on consenting employees.

While creepy dad is an arsehole and he deserves to get rekt/made an example of, it is not unheard of for infractions that would result in a final warning get turned into a sackable offence for someone near retirement or more typically retrenchment to get out of paying out retirement/retrenchment costs. HR discipline gets a lot more heavy handed when the company is trying to attrit a particular workgroup.

Agreed old mate likely checked on other people's private affairs though.

# ? Dec 16, 2022 09:42

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Dude literally used corporate funds to harass private individuals with legally definable monetary impacts. One time is too many, and the company is going to treat annihilating his retirement as a bonus not as the primary reason.

# ? Dec 16, 2022 09:48

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

Barudak posted:

Dude literally used corporate funds to harass private individuals with legally definable monetary impacts. One time is too many, and the company is going to treat annihilating his retirement as a bonus not as the primary reason.

# ? Dec 16, 2022 10:54

quantumwell: Jun 22, 2013

Barudak posted:

Dude literally used corporate funds to harass private individuals with legally definable monetary impacts. One time is too many, and the company is going to treat annihilating his retirement as a bonus not as the primary reason.

Chances are his retirement is fine, he just wanted to milk the gravy train until full social security retirement age. For me, it's
taking SS at 62 since I don't know when I'll drop dead and I already have all the credits I need. Some people are incredibly
cheap and want to wait until Medicare kicks in.

# ? Dec 16, 2022 11:37

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Ayndin posted:

We see stuff like this come up all the time and I have to wonder how hard it is to see that it indicates some level of internalized contempt/resentment for the person being criticized. It�s only going to get worse, get out now!

Also not to draw out the self-published textbook thing longer, but one of my core mid-level CS classes passed out soft-bound bricks of paper, as the textbook, written by the professors, hadn�t quite made it to full print that semester. I only mention this because this textbook has one of the best lines I have ever read in a textbook and I remember it to this day: �Long-running programs such as servers and daemons should always remember to reap their zombie children.�

I'm pretty sure that's the plot of Digimon Tamers.

# ? Dec 16, 2022 12:39

Evil Willow: Apr 26, 2007; Bored now...

AITA for thinking my gf�s brother�s birthday was a waste of time and got upset?

quote:

I�m (m27) in a relationship with someone I�ll refer to as T (f22). T is close with her siblings who are all younger than her and also her mum.

T started living with me about 2 years ago (we�ve been together for 3 years), everything has been fine. We recently moved into a larger place and now have a housemate with us (T�s friend, I�m also fine with her).

So T usually has meet ups with her family and stuff. For some reason, her family tends to do stuff later in the day instead of earlier. Like more late afternoon onwards. Her brother was having his 18th and her, her mum, siblings and his best friends were organising a surprise party for him, where his mum & T and her siblings were taking him to some sort of arcade & laser gun thing and then his best friends would be there.

So she leaves, I�m checking she�s okay every now and then, and it�s getting later. I start thinking wth is taking her so long. I call her up and she says she�s sitting with her mum & siblings in the venue sort of area and they�re waiting for her brother to be done with the laser gun thing with his friends (they couldn�t just go, he�d have no way to get back).

I find it ridiculous that she was literally just sitting there wasting her time not even doing anything when she could have just come home spend time with me. I started getting a bit huffy and she said she�d come home soon. Our housemate was in the front room too when I called T, and she said she thought I was being �quite rude� to her and that she felt bad for T because I�m apparently making her feel like crap while she�s with her family

Well when T got home I mentioned it to her a bit more and she was quite upset, she was saying that she was spending time with her family and keeping her mum and siblings company while they waited. She said she always sees me when I come home from work and she didn�t seem to understand why I was actually bothered.

T is now upstairs in the bedroom just laying in the dark. Our housemate seemed to start feeling really uncomfortable and just went to her room. She said we could have watched youtube or something while we waited for T to come back, but instead I decided to moan at T and get fussed up over nothing.

I just think her family takes too much time to do things and that it was stupid she was taking so much time just sitting there. AITA?

# ? Dec 16, 2022 12:41

tater_salad: Sep 15, 2007

maximize time with me, family and birthday celebrations are not me so if you are not doing designated activity with family you could.be spending with me your needy clingy BF.

# ? Dec 16, 2022 12:49

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Hey, give the guy some credit. He allowed her to go to the birthday party. But once he found out she was just standing there for a little while he realized she wasn�t trying hard enough to spend time with him.

# ? Dec 16, 2022 13:11

Electric Wrigglies: Feb 6, 2015

tater_salad posted:

maximize time with me, family and birthday celebrations are not me so if you are not doing designated activity with family you could.be spending with me your needy clingy BF.

yeah, that guy needs to be unclung from that lady, stat!

# ? Dec 16, 2022 13:11

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

E: don't forget to do the "together for 3 years, lived together for 2" math if you missed it

shocker that the dude turned out to be a clinger, i never would have guessed

Troublemaker posted:

What the gently caress was up Prudence's rear end on this one?

The daughter sounds like a piece of work--is engaged and living with another dude a year after last year's divorce from a man she would scream at in front of her parents while he sat there and took it. That the husband moved out and OP's daughter made them swear to never ask about it certainly doesn't paint her in a good light. I don't know if I expected Prudence to say, "Yeah, your kid's a fuckup, just ignore her dramatic bullshit," but I didn't expect her to go full-on scold about What the gently caress were you thinking, liking the ex's status post??!!

I guess it's not impossible that the daughter is actually the piece of work the post makes her out to be, but it is extremely unlikely.

"My child is setting boundaries and giving ultimatums" and "we were never told the reason why" are the textbook red flags of a parent who still views children as their property, and not individuals with agency. The mom has absolutely been told in no uncertain terms why she should butt the gently caress out of her daughter's relationships, but for some reason those details are shrouded in fog and the only things she remembers clearly are the daughter yelling at her ex and not wanting to talk about it, because those are the only details that don't reflect poorly on the parent. Prudence's venom is wholly warranted.

Zulily Zoetrope fucked around with this message at 13:31 on Dec 16, 2022

# ? Dec 16, 2022 13:27

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

AITA for telling my family I won't be spending Christmas with them because they're way too pushy and demanding of my brother's stepkids?

quote:

This is my first Christmas as a dad. My wife and I had our son 3 months ago. We spent last Christmas with my family and it was a mess and we had kinda decided then to drop the whole family Christmas with my side stuff, but becoming parents really helped cement this. I told my family in June that we wouldn't be celebrating Christmas with them this year but it came up again a month ago and now it's become a fight, because they wanted to know why, when we'd have dinner cooked for us and everything.

BG. In 2019 my brother married a widow with three children who at the time were 5, 7 and 8 years old and are now 8, 10 and 11 years old. My brother decided he was their dad from that point because their dad was deceased and he started to call them his kids, my parents called them their grandkids, they would refer to my brother as the kids' dad, and my brother's wife did the same. They told the kids to call me uncle and my two sisters aunts. I remember it coming up that they wanted to change the kids names and all. That first Christmas they were married were spent with his wife's family, but they ended up estranged because her parents wanted them to let the kids decide if he was dad or not. But they argued that the kids needed a dad who was alive and able to parent them. I haven't spent a ton of time with them as a family outside of last Christmas but it was... an experience.

The kids were corrected for using just our first names, including for using my brother's name instead of calling him dad. My parents, brother and SIL tried to force them into grandkid photos with my two sisters children. They corrected everyone who said my brother was their dad. They also yelled a couple of times that they hated us all. I tried to get my family to back off but they ignored me.

I heard from my parents afterward that the kids have been hurtfully rejecting my brother the whole time and even lied to their teacher's about it being just them and their mom and talking about how their dad died. I was like, what do you guys expect, if they have any kind of memory of their dad, and the older two would, then they're going to fight against some random dude coming in and claiming it for himself.

So when the whole Christmas thing came up again and I was asked repeatedly why, I told them because they are way too pushy and demanding with those kids and I don't want to expose my son to that, and I don't want to watch that. They were horrified, said sometimes you have to be pushy with kids in the family, and how the cousins should know each other. I said his stepkids already hate the other cousins (my two sisters kids) and they don't need another one shoved down their throats to end up being hated through no fault of his own. They told me I was being very rude and very judgmental of them and the kids and clearly I don't care enough to accept them into the family.

AITA?

# ? Dec 16, 2022 14:17

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

Troublemaker posted:

What the gently caress was up Prudence's rear end on this one?

The daughter sounds like a piece of work--is engaged and living with another dude a year after last year's divorce from a man she would scream at in front of her parents while he sat there and took it. That the husband moved out and OP's daughter made them swear to never ask about it certainly doesn't paint her in a good light. I don't know if I expected Prudence to say, "Yeah, your kid's a fuckup, just ignore her dramatic bullshit," but I didn't expect her to go full-on scold about What the gently caress were you thinking, liking the ex's status post??!!

I'm thinking the daughter and Prudence both need to touch some grass

# ? Dec 16, 2022 14:19

Issaries: Sep 15, 2008; "At the end of the day
We are all human beings
My father once told me that
The world has no borders"

hawowanlawow posted:

I'm thinking the daughter and Prudence both need to touch some grass

It doesn't really matter who is right or wrong. Either mother wants to have relationship with her daughter or not.
There's no halfway solutions.

# ? Dec 16, 2022 14:29

AreWeDrunkYet: Jul 8, 2006

Troublemaker posted:

What the gently caress was up Prudence's rear end on this one?

The daughter sounds like a piece of work--is engaged and living with another dude a year after last year's divorce from a man she would scream at in front of her parents while he sat there and took it. That the husband moved out and OP's daughter made them swear to never ask about it certainly doesn't paint her in a good light. I don't know if I expected Prudence to say, "Yeah, your kid's a fuckup, just ignore her dramatic bullshit," but I didn't expect her to go full-on scold about What the gently caress were you thinking, liking the ex's status post??!!

This could all be accurate, the ex husband could even be a literal saint, and it doesn't matter one bit. The daughter has made her position clear - she doesn't want to deal with her ex or anyone around him. Now the mother/OP has every right to ignore her daughter and maintain a public relationship with the ex. But she can't maintain that relationship AND demand that her daughter maintain her relationship with OP as well. Prudence is completely right, OP has to pick a side.

# ? Dec 16, 2022 14:39

Electric Wrigglies: Feb 6, 2015

Aren't likes only seen if you go looking for them?

As in the only way daughter knows if mother has done the otherwise irrelevant action of liking of a post is if she stalks her ex, clicks on all the pictures that the ex has up and search the likes for people she is also friends with on social media? Maybe mum has to pick a side but she is not an arsehole for doing the equivalent of saying "how nice" with someone she used to know.

# ? Dec 16, 2022 14:50

DACK FAYDEN: Feb 25, 2013; Bear Witness

Electric Wrigglies posted:

Aren't likes only seen if you go looking for them?

lol you wish, the algorithm shows you things your friends like for engagement

# ? Dec 16, 2022 14:55

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

wheatpuppy posted:

LOL get rekt, old dude. Guaranteed that's not the first time he's abused his work access to creep on someone. You can run perfectly legal background checks but they charge a fee, so he was just being cheap and torpedoed his own career.

I guess "running a background check secretly" is this generations version of "waiting on the porch with my shotgun"

# ? Dec 16, 2022 15:56

surc: Aug 17, 2004

AITA for calmly defending my thread title from people who wanted to ruin it?

teen witch posted:

Hi everyone
If you want a thread title change that badly, under no circumstances are you to use the report function. The gently caress is wrong with you

Hi other mods and those who can change thread titles that isn�t myself or PCIX,
don�t loving entertain that poo poo, loving talk to us if it�s so desperately needed

Get bent,
teen witch

PS - y�all know we change titles from the original posts, and from none of your comments. Don�t ask.

# ? Dec 16, 2022 16:14

wizardofloneliness: Dec 30, 2008

DACK FAYDEN posted:

lol you wish, the algorithm shows you things your friends like for engagement

I�m pretty sure it won�t show you things related to people you�ve blocked though, which presumably the daughter has, so I�m not sure how she would find out unless a third party told her. Or if she doesn�t have him blocked, I guess.

I don�t know, that Prudence letter was a weird one. It has vibes of both �future estranged parent who refuses to see their own wrongdoings� as well as �daughter ruined her own marriage and is sweeping it under the rug to avoid looking bad.�

# ? Dec 16, 2022 16:17

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# ? May 14, 2024 03:45

Farg: Nov 19, 2013

surc posted:

AITA for calmly defending my thread title from people who wanted to ruin it?

Lol

# ? Dec 16, 2022 16:26

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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