Breetai posted:

Fffffine. Have a story of a complete weenie:

Rescue Toaster posted:

It sounds like she wasn't happy with her current machine, and since she mentioned buying multiple sewing machines for the same price, she wasn't looking for anything fancy. Most likely her machine is wearing out or having problems, which he could easily be oblivious to. So now she has a sewing machine she's still not happy with and a $1000 machine she didn't necessarily want. As an EXTRA gift something like that might be appreciated, but not if her primary needs aren't met. (And my suggestion to someone looking for an extra machine gift for a sewing person would be a serger, not a cricut).

Haschel Cedricson posted:

It's more like "You are number one, but asking me to give up number two is inherently something a number one wouldn't do so the act of asking that will get you demoted."

quote:

background: I’m 28 with no kids. My girlfriend is 26 and has an 8 year old son from her previous relationship. She was with the guy since they were kids but when she got pregnant, he dropped the ball. She had it pretty hard during the early years and it was a huge struggle for her to balance work, school and her son. She made it work and is now in law school. (The kid’s dad made a change about three years back when his own father died and has since been helping.) We’ve been together for a year and two months and I really do love her.

However when we first got together she did mention that she doesn’t see herself having other kids because it was incredibly hard, she values her time alone when her kid is away, and she wants to travel with her son being that he’s bigger now. Also that she has a school-age kid and doesn’t want to start over with an infant. We were too early for me to complain about it or try to change her mind. It wasn’t bought up again for some time.

Fast forward to last night, we were watching something and I mentioned that my coworker has left work to have her fourth kid. She said that she couldn’t imagine having that many kids. I got a little offended being that my parents had 5. She told me that that’s what worked for my parents, but it wouldn’t work for her. I asked why and she listed the reasons above and that 4 kids is “just excessive.” I tried to reason it down to 3 or even 2. She said she doesn’t want any children but her son.

The way I see it, the only reason it was so hard was because of her age when she first had him. My logic is that any future children we produce will be secure and she won’t be alone or have to struggle. for background, I have 4 siblings while she has one sister who lives in another state. She doesn’t understand how important siblings are. I told her if she’s unwilling to have even one child for me in the future then we’re done. She agreed and said we’re done then and I’m incredibly hurt.

This is a hill she’s willing to die on. She’s super smart, but so hard headed. No matter what I said all night, she wouldn’t hear it or budge her views at all. I’m hurt because I made the empty threat and she very easily went through with it. I’m not feeling valued at all. I love this woman and the thought of us having an expiration date kills me. I want to marry her and have kids with her and she’s just uninterested. She also said I was being an rear end in a top hat and not taking her experiences into account when I totally am! I acknowledge how hard it was for her which is why I think she would have a totally different experience if she tried again. She’s not 18 anymore and will have me by her side.

I want her back but don’t know what to say. She seemed very certain when she agreed to the breakup.

Please tell me AITA?

EDIT: jesus christ, I am a loving rear end in a top hat. she has a condition, I unfortunately do not remember what’s it called, but during her pregnancy she used to have like mini-strokes that would make her face and hands go completely numb. I didn’t even think about that. thank you for your judgement. I know she doesn’t want me back. but I am going to profusely apologize anyway. the other commenters said this, and I’m putting value over a baby that isn’t real over her life.

quote:

Well, it’s been about three weeks since my post and my breakup. And it took almost that full time to let it sink in what I’ve really done. I self wallowed for some time and attempted to guilt trip her and get my siblings to talk to her for me. What a mistake that was. She called and ripped me a new one worse than you guys did. She told me that she was thrilled we’re not together and that I’m manipulative and “disgusting.”

That left me really shocked and I had to review my behavior over the time we had been together. I think over my life I always had an idea that with enough perseverance anyone’s mind can be changed. I don’t know where I got this from. I guess I thought it was a sign of being a strong person. Like taking what you want from life even when the chances are slim. It sounds stupid because it is.

I reread my post just now and cringed the whole way through. Even the language I used showed that she was right and I am manipulative. She’s a human being and I didn’t treat her with respect. I played with our relationship to get her to change her mind about something very important to her. I deserve what happened.

I also have realized that our views on the relationship were a little different. She had never brought up marriage or anything while it had crossed my mind almost daily because I really was so enamored. So I probably looked insane going on about having three children. It sounds so stupid to me now. Among the things she said on the phone, one was that she found my lack of respect for her body and choices appalling. I wasn’t asking her to be forgiven, but I wanted to express how much her and her son meant to me.

And as most dumped people tend to do, I couldn’t even give a poo poo about what I was bitching about in the first place. I miss going to the park with her and her son. Those days were nice and calm and I didn’t appreciate them. I let some fictional children and my bad habits ruin something good. I have a lot of self reflecting to do, and while I’m still sad, I know now that her dumping me was really for the best. Thanks guys for being honest.

tldr: we didn’t get back together and I’m the rear end in a top hat.

Hughlander posted:

AITA for telling my girlfriend that we’re done if she doesn’t want another kid in the future?

Hughlander posted:

AITA for telling my girlfriend that we’re done if she doesn’t want another kid in the future?

quote:

I’m hurt because I made the empty threat and she very easily went through with it.

quote:

However when we first got together she did mention that she doesn’t see herself having other kids because it was incredibly hard...We were too early for me to complain about it or try to change her mind. It wasn’t bought up again for some time.

PizzaProwler posted:

This is the bit that jumped out at me most. Why was this not immediately a deal-breaker for you? That's such a conflict of goals/values between the two of you that seems so basically irreconcilable.

(He answered it later, but there are so many of these stories where I find myself asking this question in bewilderment)

the holy poopacy posted:

It's really telling that they believe that the main contribution they make is filling a chair in the office.

Haschel Cedricson posted:

It's more like "You are number one, but asking me to give up number two is inherently something a number one wouldn't do so the act of asking that will get you demoted."

Vim Fuego posted:

Ghost Leviathan posted:

This is genuinely what capitalist work culture is actually about. Pretty much the logical endgame is Japan where you spent 12 hours a day in the office pretending to work, and then more hours going out getting drunk with your boss, and then maybe get home in time for a few hours sleep.

quote:

I'm a teenage girl. My sister's friend is 1y older than me. We'll call her Stacy, because that's her name.

I'm short. I know I'm short. I look 10. Stacy is always teasing me about being short. She's nicknamed me Frodo. Once she used my head as an armrest and I told her to never do that again.

I don't think being short is even that bad. An economy plane seat is comfortably roomy for me. It's an advantage in the sport I play. Kids' shoes are way cheaper than adults'. But anyway.

Stacy was over yesterday. She used me as an armrest again. I ducked away. She lost her balance and fell. She wasn't hurt, but was embarrassed. She is angry at me for "being unable to take a joke" and is refusing to enter our house until I apologize, which I think is great. But my sister thinks it's terrible.

My mom thinks I should have been the bigger person and told Stacy to get off instead of ducking. My dad thinks it's funny and Stacy got what she deserved. My sister wants me to apologize, and says I'm def TA, but our brother says I am NTA, Stacy is a jerk. (She armrests him too.) So I don't know.

If I'm TA then I'll probably call Stacy and apologize. If NTA then I guess Stacy won't come over again lol

quote:

My (20F) friends from uni and I have been planning to go on a trip next March since the beginning of this year. Since 2 of my friends are bringing their partners along with them, I’ve asked my boyfriend (19M) if he wanted to come under the condition that he earned the money himself to cover his expenses, including plane tickets and accommodations, which had come around to be around CAD$5,000.

I made this request months ago because I knew he was going to ask his parents for the money to cover the expenses, which they had always given him (like when his brother asked for $3k for a gaming setup and when he asked for $2k so he could have a tv in his room). His family isn't super wealthy, but they are well-to-do. and his mom has tried to ask him to try and get a part-time job during school breaks to which he has always said he'll try but ended up never getting one. I grew up in a household where we often had to get by and thus, has worked/been working multiple part-time jobs since I was 16 and have been trying to urge him to get a job with his mother.

A couple of days ago, he told me he wants to go on the trip with me which shocked me as I questioned how he was going to raise $5000 since we still have classes and semester break doesn't start till late Feb and he told me he asked his parents and they agreed to help pay for his expenses.

I told him no I would not be allowing him to go on the trip with me and refused to share our itinerary document with him since I made it clear I didn't want his parents to pay for his expenses and established that he would have to earn his keep. But he told me that this was something I should have zero say over since I was never in charge of how his parents' money. We had a fight over this and he called me a controlling manipulative freak before ranting to my friends' partners who are going on this trip with us (we're all part of the same friend group)

They all agreed I was a little out of line and should have no say over how he raised the funds needed. I don't want to rant to my other friends about this since I don't want them to think badly of me or my boyfriend but it really made me confused as I have no clue if I'm the one at fault here.

AITA?

quote:

For context, I have an apartment that my family gifted me 2 years ago. I currently live with my Mom and brother and stay there 5-6 nights a week.

My family is more traditional and my Mom stays home to cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

My gf and I have been dating for a year and she has not met my parents or been to my parent's house.

I recently had some relatives come and stay, so my Mom came over to wash my sheets, vacuum, and wash my floors.

When I spoke to my girlfriend I mentioned this was the first time my sheets have been washed. My girlfriend flipped out and said I was a major AH for never washing my sheets.

It turned into a longer argument about how she feels excluded from my family and she can't deal with the situation anymore.

I've been sick and she hasn't been understanding that I need more help.

There were other issues with my Mom not liking her that she says hasn't been solved.

So reddit, AITA over not washing sheets?

OP posted:

I stay at home because my brother also lives there and it's much more comfortable. I'm able to save on food because my mom cooks breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The whole apartment thing was way too early, TBH.

There were issues in the beginning when my Mom would scream at me when I would spend time with my GF. I ended up hiding my gf from my Mom, and my Gf was very upset. My mom wanted to make sure my GF wasn't a gold digger and I disclosed that my GF owns two rental properties. It became a big problem when my GF said it was very racist.

So my GF has always been on edge. She says "tell your mom I say hi," and I dont? Girlfriend threatens breakup. GF comes home from an international trip and I can't pick her up? She threatens a breakup.

About the sheets: I am asian. I do not sweat. They are not smelly sheets at all.

OP posted:

I'm 29.

Mx. posted:

AITA for ducking when my sister's friend used me as an armrest, causing her to fall?

"be the bigger person, frodo"

PiratePrentice posted:

lmao she won so hard, why would she apologize?

"if you don't say sorry then your sisters annoying friend won't come over anymore"

sounds pretty good to me

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for not washing my sheets?

Akratic Method posted:

Riker would never ask Picard to quit pooping.

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for not washing my sheets?

quote:

I asked her if she would be coming back for Thanksgiving. She said no, she'd be spending it with Dan's family because I have never shown an interest in Thanksgiving, and this was the first she was hearing about any Thanksgiving day plans of mine. I mean...she's right, I'm not really a holiday guy, but I could have bought a turkey and sides from a restaurant if it meant that much to her.

quote:

ONGOING
**I am NOT OP.**

Original had to be taken down as it hadn't been 7 days since the update, it has been now so it should work.

Original post by u/concernedfather202
Trigger Warnings: crimes against tea, mental abuse
mood spoilers: good for the daughter but frustrating
(teen witch here, do this, any of you, and I will make sure your kin know what happened to you)

AITA Daughter and I are fighting over her clothes, food, curfew EVERYTHING /r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ydcf8e/comment/itr9q2m/ on Wednesday, October 26, 2022

Anonymous account because my daughter is often on reddit.

I (M59) have a daughter (24F) named "Jen". Growing up, I worked a lot and missed out on school events, meetings, etc. I also had a stressful job I hated and anger issues back then, so Jen and I were rocky for the first 18 years. Jen went out of state for college and never spoke to me, not even if I offered to pay for books or rent or anything. When she visited for holidays, she stayed with my ex wife and her new husband. Jen came back to our city for work last year and started law school last month.

My ex-wife and Jen are still very close, but my ex is remarried and is currently taking care of her husband's elderly father, who lives with them, so Jen has to live with me as she is unable to work this year due to starting law school. She pays for her own groceries (we have different tastes) and utilities. I don't need the money but she insisted. She is cordial with me but we don't interact like father and daughter should - we're like strained roomates. Some issues we have are:
•Jen wears sweatpants and tshirts to school. I NICELY offered to take her shopping for some smart suits, skirts, blouses, etc. so she can fit in. She said no and continues to dress like a slob every day for class. I don't know much about lawyers, but I'm pretty sure you can't wear sweatpants to court.

•I noticed Jen makes herself an omelet everyday so I started making omelets for her before she gets up so she doesn't need to burden herself, but she says she doesn't like my omelets and asks me to stop cooking for her. This hurt me greatly as she used to beg for my omelets when she was little.

•Jen comes home after 8pm every single day. She tells me she is studying at the school or going to the gym but now that the days are getting darker earlier she needs to be home earlier because I worry about her getting into an accident or worse. She has a desk in her room and can study here.

So take into account all these issues we are having and then last Friday (10/21) she comes home at 9pm when it was pitch black and says she was at the bar with some classmates. No text from her, no call, nothing, and she wasn't even studying. I tried to have a calm conversation with her about my concerns but she yelled at me that she's allowed to socialize with her peers after midterm exams. I understand this but school comes first, not drinks, and she should have let me know what she was doing. Jen then grabbed her keys and tried to leave but I held my ground in front of the door, begging her not to drive drunk and in the dark. She ended up just going to her room for the night.

We didn't speak all weekend and she continues to come home after dark every night. I'm very concerned for my daughter and I'm worried law school may be too hard on her. However I don't want to have another blow up with her like we did on Friday.

Reddit, AITA for fighting with my daughter over every little thing when really I am just concerned for her?

Post #2
How do I 59M repair my relationship with my 24F daughter? /r/relationship_advice/comments/yf2ppn/how_do_i_59m_repair_my_relationship_with_my_24f/ on Friday, October 28, 2022

My daughter "Jen" has been living with me since starting law school this fall. We have gotten into constant blowup fights about her coming home late and not eating breakfast I make for her.

I posted about this on a different sub earlier this week and got voted the rear end in a top hat. People said I cannot control my daughter's curfew nor how she presents herself to the world, so I need to let her make her own mistakes I suppose. So now that I'm the rear end in a top hat, I need advice on how to fix things. I refuse to lose my daughter.

Since the big blowup last Friday, when I caught her coming home drunk and admonished her accordingly, we continue to tiptoe around each other. I have knocked on her door a few times around bedtime to see if we can talk, but she doesn't answer and has locked the door so I can't enter her bedroom. She now leaves for class before I get up and comes home around 9pm - 10pm sometimes. I greet her every evening as I am unable to go to sleep if she isn't home (I no longer enforce a curfew), but she just blows past me into her room. If she cooks for herself, it's when I'm sleeping or at work.

I can't keep living like this. She's like a stranger to me. We used to get along when she was a little girl, then around 13 - 14 years old she became horrible to me. Wouldn't let me hug her, kiss her, one time she even screamed at me because I put some food on her plate during dinner! I acknowledge my previous faults and failures as a father, but I attended therapy during my divorce and only stopped because of the pandemic. She is still holding onto past impressions of me, and I'm worried that she will not see that I have changed and am trying to do better.

This morning I intercepted her while she was eating breakfast before class. I tried to strike up a conversation with her and she just ignored me on her phone. The old me would have taken her phone and thrown it at the wall (as I said, I had previous faults), but I successfully restrained myself and let her be. I no longer make her omelets, but I put out bowls of fruit for her which she never touches.
So Reddit, please offer me some advice. I'm not a bad man, and if I am, I genuinely am trying to change. I need to talk to my daughter and I'm terrified that it may be too late.

Post #3
Daughter 24F finally spoke to me M59. Feel like our relationship is reparable. /r/relationship_advice/comments/yjekzy/daughter_24f_finally_spoke_to_me_m59_feel_like/ on Wednesday, November 2, 2022

If you read my last 2 posts, you'll be able to get a better sense of my situation.
After a cold war that lasted over a week, I decided I had enough and waited for her outside her bedroom. She eventually came out and I asked if we could talk. I first told her that I was sorry for treating her like a child when she is a capable adult in graduate school. I then told her if she can't treat me like a daughter should treat a father, we would need to look into getting her to move out and find a roommate as she wouldn't be able to stay with me anymore. I ended by saying I would not be ignored in my own house (as a commenter on my previous post pointed out).

She was quiet, but then said "okay sure. Sorry dad." I opened my arms for a hug, but she pushed past me. I admit the hug was a little optimistic on my part, but I understand she needs time, and I didn't press it.

We're now on speaking terms again. We say "good mornings" and "good nights", which is better than it has been this past week. In return, I have stopped cooking for her altogether, and I no longer expect her home at a certain hour. She texts me when she's heading home which I consider a win! I have vowed to be a better father to her which I hope she is seeing.

I'm hopeful about the future.

Post #4
Is my adult daughter (24F) taking advantage of me (59M), we argued over tea for god's sake /r/AmITheDevil/comments/zkib9g/comment/j02twus/ on Saturday, November 5, 2022

Please check my other posts for context. I'm trying out different subreddits so I can gain a broader amount of feedback and advice.

Things have been better since we spoke earlier this week, but Jen (fake name for my daughter) is still awkward around me, despite my apologizing for my recent behavior. I feel that an incident this morning has stunted any improvement in our relationship.

So around 9AM, she starts making breakfast in the kitchen. I come out and we chat for a bit. She has class at 11 today.

I see she has the kettle going and next to it is a cup with a teabag in it. Since she is busy cooking, I go to the fridge, get the milk, and pour some into the bottom of her cup to take an extra step off her hands. Simple right?

Well she gets an attitude with me. Says she likes to put the hot water over the teabag, let it sit for a few minutes, and then add milk and sugar. When I try to explain the convenience, she cuts me off and says it won't taste good, and adding milk before the hot water is going to mess with this super sacred tea-making process.

I think this is absolute horseshit and that she wants to pick a fight with me. For the first time in a long time, I snapped at her and said okay, you don't want me to cook for you (tell me what kid doesn't want to wake up or come home to a hot meal), you don't want me to help you make tea, you don't want anything from me except a place to live. She said yes, that is correct. I sat in the kitchen in silence while she finished cooking, ate, and cleaned up. She also made a show of emptying out the cup I had prepared for her and getting a new cup and making tea her way. I was still in the kitchen when she left for class, and she said absolutely nothing to me, even though I was hinting that she owed me an apology.

So here I am typing my thoughts about the morning's events. I think I want to ask her to move out, but I need to have a valid reason to do so or I'll be the bad guy in everyone's eyes. Please let me know if it looks like she is indeed taking advantage of living with me, and if this is the case, when should I tell her to move out. If I do seem like I'm blowing this out of proportion, I also need to hear this as well.

Thanks.

TLDR: after an incident this morning, I want to ask my daughter to move out.

Post #5
Daughter (24F) is moving out of my (59M) house. I thought I'd feel relief but I'm not ready for this to happen. /r/AmITheDevil/comments/zkib9g/comment/j02tran/ on Tuesday, November 15, 2022

I don't know where the time goes. When your daughters are young, all they want to do is hug you and kiss you and crawl on top of you. I used to beg her for personal space. Then the teenage years hit and they want nothing to do with you. Ah! What a fool I was.

I didn't appreciate her affection.My daighter ("Jen") who is in law school came to me on Saturday and told me she would be moving out this upcoming weekend. Right before Thanksgiving! I naturally had a million questions. Mainly: where is she moving to? And with who?

Jen has always been secretive about her life. She said she was moving in...WITH HER BOYFRIEND. My jaw about hit the floor. I had never known that Jen had a boyfriend. I asked how long she had been seeing this guy. She said almost 3 years! They met at college and started dating. He's a year older than her and works in the city. His apartment is located closer to her school.

I wanted to vomit. First of all, I had no idea she was even interested in dating. In high school for dances and events, she never went with a date, always a group of friends. I would often ask her if she was dating anyone, and she'd just roll her eyes and look disgusted. I guess I just stopped asking after a while.

I asked her when I could meet her boyfriend (lets call him "Dan"). She said he would come by this weekend to help her move. I said she wasn't going to move in with someone I have never met. She said good luck trying to stop her (is that a challenge, Jen?). I asked how she would be paying for this apartment. The city we live in isn't cheap, that's why I live in the suburbs. She said Dan's family owns the apartment (they own a few different properties) and that her and Dan would split expenses and utilities. She worked throughout college and for a year after college, but I didn't think she made that much money.

I don't know this guy. She wouldn't even give me a last name. I thought about calling my ex to see if she knew about this, but to be honest, I don't think I could bear her telling me she knows about Dan while I have just found out about this. I'm also embarrassed to say that I'm just not comfortable of her moving in with a boyfriend. My daughter, despite wanting to be a lawyer, is not the brightest bulb. She was a solid B student in middle and high school, and to my knowledge, she was never on any Honor Roll in college. In other words, she's not very smart and I don't think she's making the right decision here.

HOWEVER, I'm trying to take previous advice and not just jump the gun and ambush her into staying here.

The other thing that really bugs me is I asked her if she would be coming back for Thanksgiving. She said no, she'd be spending it with Dan's family because I have never shown an interest in Thanksgiving, and this was the first she was hearing about any Thanksgiving day plans of mine. I mean...she's right, I'm not really a holiday guy, but I could have bought a turkey and sides from a restaurant if it meant that much to her. To be honest, I don't really know what she does as we haven't spent Thanksgiving together since the divorce, but I am interested in starting a new tradition with her if it makes her happy.

I followed her to her room and asked if she would reconsider moving out in a year or so. Only when she's more financially and socially secure. She looked at me kind of sideways and said no, then shut the door in my face.

I am absolutely flabbergasted. I know I mentioned wanting her to leave in my last post, but I didn't mean so soon. It seems like my daughter is slipping out of my fingers as I speak.

I'm not sure what to do or if it's worth even talking to her. How am I supposed to deal with this?

​TLDR: Daughter is moving into an apartment with her boyfriend who I have never met/just found out about. I have negative feelings about this. I need advice on how to tell her it's better to stay with me until she's more secure.​

EDIT/UPDATE: I've read the comments. I don't want to forefeit a relationship with her anymore than I have. I'm still going to insist on sitting Dan down and talking with him this weekend but I understand that I have to let her go and she will come back to me on her own.

Post #6
I (59M) want to ask my daughter (24F) over for christmas, but she has other plans and I feel lonely and sad. /r/AmITheDevil/comments/zkib9g/comment/izztwy8/ on Tuesday, December 13, 2022

Hi everyone. Previous posts on my page for context.

I've been busy. I started therapy (at the recommendation of a lot of commenters) and I've gone to 3 sessions so far. I don't know if anything has really changed, but I am desperate for a relationship with my daughter "Jen".
I spent a lonely Thanksgiving by myself. The morning of I sent Jen 1 last text inviting her over, but she never responded. I called the number and got her voicemail, so I know her phone was working. I was in a dark place for a while.
I'm still not happy with her living with her boyfriend, but I've chosen to let this go for now, despite the disrespect he showed me when they moved her stuff out of my house. She is free to make her own mistakes, as people on reddit pointed out.

I've texted her about once a day since she left. Usually just a "hi" or a "love you" or even sometimes just a smiley face emoji to know I've been thinking about her. I didn't expect her to always respond, but she hasn't even responded to 1 text.

Until today.
My therapist suggested asking her and her boyfriend "Dan" over for Christmas. I really really REALLY don't want Dan back into my house but I need to see Jen. So I hemmed and hawed and decided I'd make that sacrifice.

So I texted her this morning with an invite extended to both her and Dan. She responded about an hour ago that her and Dan would be spending Christmas in Mexico and wouldn't be back until the New Year. I immediately tried to call her which she didn't answer. I texted her that sounded like an expensive trip that she can't afford and that she should take her winter break to prepare for the next semester. She didn't respond, so I panicked and told her if she went I would call the cops and have Dan arrested for kidnapping. After I sent this, I immediately felt regret and shame so I sent her an apology text that I didn't mean what I said, I'm just worried she's not being safe and 8 days in Mexico is a long time.

She hasn't responded to my apology yet. I'm worried I blew my chance at getting back together with her for the holidays. I don't know if I can do another holiday by myself, especially with seeing families come together and enjoy themselves.
Any advice would be appreciated.​

TLDR - I want to invite my daughter over for the holidays but she is going out of town with her boyfriend who I don't like. Should I let this go or try to change her mind?

Personal Note: TLDR, I can see why he's divorced.

Comments - gathered by u/rahonan

Some great comments from him

From the first post:
Doesn't know anything about law school

OP replies: "Classes that will eventually allow her to get into court. It's important that she dresses properly in case she meets a future employer or judge. Hell, it's important she dresses properly so her teachers and colleagues will take her seriously. She's not in college anymore."

a commenter replied: "Nobody dresses professionally to attend classes unless it's mandatory."

OP then replied: "I doubt your use of "nobody". Nobody wants to appear well groomed and presentable at school? This isn't college, this is law school. People are all about opinions and first impressions. No one will hire her if she's dressed like a slob."

The commenter replied back: "That is a complete lie. How much experience do you have in law school?"

Daddy dearest replies: "So if you were interviewing someone for a job and they showed up in pajamas, you wouldn't find that detrimental to them?"

Forgets about headlights existing

OP replies: "It's not the time that bothers me but it's how dark it gets. We're in the midwest and the sun goes down around 6pm now. Anyone would agree that it's not safe for anyone to drive when it's that dark out"

He's not controlling her, only helping her

Totally not oblivious OP replies: "I am not controlling her. All of these were suggestions I made and she chose to ignore them, but we need to have a conversation about why she wants to ignore my help."

OP replies: "I am definitely trying to make up for it. I want her to be successful and focus on school, but part of that comes with presenting yourself in a positive light. I make her breakfast so she doesn't need to wake up earlier and do it herself but she doesn't see that Im' trying to help her."

From the second post:

Saying he only sees her as her little girl

OP replies: "I do think I was wrong maybe it was delayed but I realize now I cannot control her and that to me she's still a little girl but I understand I need to take some steps back but I need to show her how sorry I am I just don't know how I can get that message across."

About throwing the phone at the wall

OP replies: "I've never thrown anyone's phone at the wall I've only done it once when she was in high school and painting her nails with polish and the smell made me sick but she woudn't go in her room to do it so I took the bottle and threw it out the front door but that was only one time and she didn't seem all that fazed by it.

a commenter wisely replies:
"Yeah, you're an abusive father. Three days of a few apologies is NOWHERE near enough."

OP replies: "I may have been abusive but I have changed."

From third and fourth post:

Not realizing he's a jerk

OP replies: "I don't understand how I continued to treat her like poo poo. I have been a bad father in the past, but I am moving forward and bettering myself everyday. It's not too late."

OP replies: "I'm not trying to be mean to her, but how did I " bully" her?"

Again with him thinking she's a child

OP replies: "She isn't my roommate though, she's my daughter. We don't have the bond that a father and daughter should have. It breaks my heart into pieces when I see fathers spending time with their daughters in the city, sharing ice cream cones, swinging them around.....I want to have a relationship like that."

From the fifth post:
Racist? (oh god, it's real!)

OP replies: "But she isn't working right now. Being a student full-time doesn't pay the bills. The only reason she went to law school is because she got a scholarship for being half-POC."

About her not being thr brightest bulb

a commenter wisely replies: "you judge people based on academic achievements and SHE is the one whos not smart?? my man ..."

OP stupidly replies: "I only bring it up because she has a history of making bad decisions. To be honest, I was surprised when she mentioned going to law school (ever since she was little she wanted to be an author or write screenplays). I just thought someone with a better GPA and who was more academically inclined would do better in law school."

A commenter wisely counters: "Provide us examples of making bad decisions please. Getting Bs is NOT an indication of failure to study. For all we know, she was in all honors/AP/IB courses in high school (the hardest courses available to her), and taking 18 credits a semester in college while rocking it on the swim team (and you WANT her getting involved in some physical activity to keep herself well long term). Right now you list NO bad decisions (ie skipping school to smoke dope with the town thugs). So, right now, you look like the idiot. Not your daughter."

OP replies: "She took 1 AP class in high school, so my argument still remains. She was also caught smoking cigarettes when she was 17, and she was grounded for a month.
My daughter did not do organized sports in college. She was too busy partying and apparently sneaking around with boys. She graduated with a 3.6 GPA and no academic achievements. Forgive me for being wrong, but law school is academically challenging, no?"

Personal Note: TLDR, I can see why he's divorced.

Reminder-I am not the original poster

quote:

Been with my wife for 2 years; I have two children from a previous relationship who are 5 and 8.

Currently 7 months pregnant, been married and living together for 5 months…it’s been an adaption for everyone, mostly the children.

During our relationship even before living together I knew my wife got the occasional headache, she takes pain killers but says they don’t help so she’ll usually spend the day in our bedroom and sleep.

Kids are at home and wife has a headache, I’m working from home.

Kids are doing what they normally do, playing.

Wife texts me asking to keep them from making so much noise, I was in a meeting when she texted so I didn’t actually look at it till an hour later.

She’s upset but the way I see it is it’s the children’s home? They’re playing, what am I meant to say “my wife has a headache go read a book?” I don’t think I’m TA, wife does. Figured I’d ask here.

AITA?

teen witch posted:

AITA for not making my children be quiet while my wife had a headache?

Rubellavator posted:

that man wants to own a child

Cthulu Carl posted:

I'm gonna avoid the rest because and just focus on this dude's apparent belief that law school consists of 24/7 high-powered courtroom drama and job interviews so you MUST ALWAYS DRESS YOUR BEST.

quote:

I get that we should self-validate, not rely on others to provide a reflected sense of self. But when your spouse fundamentally doesn't get you?

My wife and I have been having some dumb arguments about politics lately. I find her debating style to be exhausting. She never concedes a point, just pivots to a tangent and THAT becomes the thing we're arguing about. Rinse and repeat. Basically Sealioning or Gish Galloping, but done in good faith.

Even though it's not trolling, it's effectively the same exercise in endless, rapid-fire (and cognitively inexpensive) questions that are exhausting to answer and serve to keep the opponent (and there's definitely an opponent!) on the defensive. In the latest one, she was desperately casting around for a reason I was wrong (or so it seems to me) and settled on "the average German went along with Hitler and you would do the same." She then demanded I "define evil." That's about an hour into the resumption of an argument that's been going off and on for days. All it takes is two words to obligate me to do something that has consumed entire lifetimes.

Up to that point, it was annoying. After that, I see she has doubts about my moral courage and sense of right and wrong. I have a major problem with that.

I believe "The Passionate Marriage" by David Schnarch is right about the need for self-validation. I define myself. But how do you reconcile only relying on yourself for validation with being with someone who has no faith in you?

tl;dr wife argued her way into doubting my moral courage and sense of right and wrong. I'm good with myself on those scores, not sure I'm good with being seen by her that way.

tinytort posted:

"Go into the bedroom and sleep through the day" sounds a lot more like she's getting migranes than having the occasional headache. Especially if painkillers aren't doing anything. And it's not that big an ask to have the kids tone it down and play quietly, or somewhere further from her room if they need to do something noisy, if she's been hit by a migraine.

quote:

"I've never thrown anyone's phone at the wall I've only done it once when she was in high school and painting her nails with polish and the smell made me sick but she woudn't go in her room to do it so I took the bottle and threw it out the front door but that was only one time and she didn't seem all that fazed by it.

quote:

she didn't seem all that fazed by it.

DoubleNegative posted:

Me 58 M with my 49 F wife of 20 years. She revealed (unfounded) doubts about my character

DoubleNegative posted:

Me 58 M with my 49 F wife of 20 years. She revealed (unfounded) doubts about my character

DoubleNegative posted:

Me 58 M with my 49 F wife of 20 years. She revealed (unfounded) doubts about my character

Both husband and wife here sound incredibly tedious. But there's also something missing here. Deep philosophical discussions about politics don't devolve into "define evil" and "you would go along with Hitler, admit it" unless the two sides are at such contrasting viewpoints that they're incompatible.

Mister Olympus posted:

the vast majority of this user's posts are on cuckoldry subreddits, there's a story there

quote:

I was best friends with Jen from preschool through 9th grade. Her home life was was pretty rough and she practically lived at my house. My parents called her the daughter they never had.

When we were in 9th grade, I asked her out. It took some convincing but she eventually said yes. She broke up with me over text the day after our date. She barely went to school, didn’t text, and wasn’t at my house at all the next few weeks.

She eventually showed up at my house in the middle of the night. My parents took her in no questions asked then she left in the middle of the night a few weeks later. I admit I didn’t love having her around and didn’t make it easy on her but her leaving was hard on everybody. My parents had to go to therapy.

Last year I moved out for college but I was still planning on coming to visit. A few months after I moved out, Jen showed up at my parents house pregnant and with a baby. They took her in again then called me and my brothers asking how we feel about her staying with them. My brothers were ok with it but I can’t forgive her for what she did a few years ago.

My parents let her stay anyways but said they had conditions on her staying with them like her going to therapy and either enrolling in college or getting a job. I told them I still wasn’t okay with it. We argued a bit and I told them I wouldn’t visit if she was living there.
She’s still there and I held true to my word and I haven’t visited since. They’re trying to get me to come for Christmas but I won’t be there if Jen is living there.

They’re calling me petty and saying I need to forgive her but I think I have a right to be upset.

Foo Diddley posted:

i don't know if i want to hear this story

Piell posted:

AITA for making my parents choose between me and my ex/former friend?

PiratePrentice posted:

What is he even trying to defend? Even if prostitution in Thailand was legal and ethical in every way he still cheated on his wife and got caught.

why would you even post this, what was he expecting from it lol