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echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
apparently sleep is actually important

it might be the case that staying up till 2am on a school night to watch youtubes about particle physics might NOT be good for me

:cry:

it’s sucks how much of your life you have to give to making your life not suck

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outhole surfer
Mar 18, 2003

parents (who i barely tolerate) once again gave my phone number to relatives i want nothing to do with. pretty sure my mom is going to pull some holiday bullshit where said relatives show up at a holiday gathering.

i don't think my mom realizes that if she once more betrays my trust once again by having said relatives at xmas, it'll be the last xmas i spend with her.

i'm almost certainly the rear end in a top hat at this point for refusing to communicate with said relatives -- my main hangup around them is that they insist on asking about when i'm getting married and having kids, despite having communicated for *decades* that neither is in the cards. i just get sick of hearing their bullshit, and get even more sick of my mom trying to "patch things up" through her manipulative bullshit

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
that’s poo poo, and even more poo poo your mother ignores your wishes

xmas is poo poo imo

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
this post sucks

outhole surfer
Mar 18, 2003

yeah

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
i’m worried lmao

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

echinopsis posted:

this post sucks

outhole surfer
Mar 18, 2003

i started new a drug that increased the frequency of Really Bad Thoughts. doctor's response was to double the dosage, so that's cool

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

nudgenudgetilt posted:

i started new a drug that increased the frequency of Really Bad Thoughts. doctor's response was to double the dosage, so that's cool

brains are weird

Ciaphas
Nov 20, 2005

> BEWARE, COWARD :ovr:


Captain Foo posted:

brains are weird

boy loving howdy

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

nudgenudgetilt posted:

i started new a drug that increased the frequency of Really Bad Thoughts. doctor's response was to double the dosage, so that's cool

I explain to people that with most anti depressants you’ll tend to get the side effects before you get the benefits. wonder if it’s one of those situations.

anyway mate I do hope maybe it’s worth it and the doctor is right




i’d really like to find a solution for my getting-worse profound lack of motivation. i’m not really depressed in a sad way, I just don’t want to do anything, and it worries me. and makes me feel like a real bummer of a parent, I hope the kids expect more out of life for themselves than example I am setting

outhole surfer
Mar 18, 2003

echinopsis posted:

I explain to people that with most anti depressants you’ll tend to get the side effects before you get the benefits. wonder if it’s one of those situations.

that's what i've heard (and hope) is the case

echinopsis posted:

anyway mate I do hope maybe it’s worth it and the doctor is right


thanks, it really is appreciated

echinopsis posted:

i’d really like to find a solution for my getting-worse profound lack of motivation. i’m not really depressed in a sad way, I just don’t want to do anything, and it worries me. and makes me feel like a real bummer of a parent, I hope the kids expect more out of life for themselves than example I am setting

i can identity with that. for me it's rarely *sadness*, but more of a lack of motivation to get anything done, followed by frustration at myself for getting nothing done, and eventually bad thoughts creep in when i start trying to think of a way out of whatever situation my lack of motivation has gotten me in

i keep hearing therapy is the answer, but that's :effort:

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
yeah wow that sounds a lot like what I am dealing with, and same thing about solutions that need effort


I can’t help but feel that I’ve maybe reached a stage where I’ve done everything I want. usually once I’ve done a thing to a certain stage it’s like I’ve seen enough, what’s the next thing, and for years and years I always had so many things I wanted to do and try out and well, I’ve now lived long enough to have done them.

InternetOfTwinks
Apr 2, 2011

Coming out of my cage and I've been doing just bad
Yeah I've had the same feeling on and off for a while now, basically just keep it at bay with picking up new hobbies and poo poo. Social interaction helps too, though for a while there that wasn't really an option heh.

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
smashed 600mg worth of caffeine tablets this morning a long with fish oil and l-tyrosine to try to get myself off my rear end today and it’s kinda worked so far 🤟😎🤟

when I have work none of this is necessary, in fact I think fish oil in general has made motivation during work easy, it’s my days off that’s a challenge

polyester concept
Mar 29, 2017

if you can get allergy medicine with pseudoephedrine, that works too. i inadvertently discovered this when i had seasonal allergies

Beeftweeter
Jun 28, 2005

OFFICIAL #1 GNOME FAN
yeah i used to pop like 4 sudafed to get poo poo done before i got some amphetamines prescribed

it works but you crash like a motherfucker and it really fucks with your blood pressure and heart rate. if you're going to abuse it please be careful

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

polyester concept posted:

if you can get allergy medicine with pseudoephedrine, that works too. i inadvertently discovered this when i had seasonal allergies

they made it a class b* controlled drug here like ten years to prevent it being cooked into meth, and basically giving something like that a death sentence because it wasn’t funded and doctors hardly prescribed it and the company decided to pull the plug and stop importing it so now it’s gone for good. but at least we solved meth right???

*same category as morphine or oxycodone or whatever

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

Beeftweeter posted:

it works but you crash like a motherfucker and it really fucks with your blood pressure and heart rate. if you're going to abuse it please be careful
lol the risk that you might have a fatal cardiac arrest while taking it only adds to its appeal

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

echinopsis posted:

lol the risk that you might have a fatal cardiac arrest while taking it only adds to its appeal

i don’t think this is true op

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
we were talking about cardiac risk at work the other day and I reminded myself that I have some decent cardiovascular risk factors, and for my 20s and 30s they couldn’t place me on the risk factor chart because while my numbers were nice and high my age wasn’t and they just don’t have enough stats on people having a heart attack in their 30s to say what my real risk factor is

now that I’m 40 and my age is on the chart we can see that I am definitely ahead of the curve :smugmrgw: I’ll prolly be the first yosposter to have a heart attack :/

Achmed Jones
Oct 16, 2004



jonny's got you beat on that by a pretty wide margin

outhole surfer
Mar 18, 2003

i used to take zyrtec-d daily. at once point i hit the state's annual limit where i lived, so i'd buy it in the city i flew to for work every month.

also, thank you echi for bumping this thread. reminded me i forgot to take my lexapro this am

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

Achmed Jones posted:

jonny's got you beat on that by a pretty wide margin

only time will tell

Beeftweeter
Jun 28, 2005

OFFICIAL #1 GNOME FAN

echinopsis posted:

only time will tell

he already had a heart attack

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
extremely good reminder that I know sweet gently caress all

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
I almost did something that I’ve been putting off

the thought to do it entered my mind, I had been thinking I should do it tonight, and so for a moment I had this modicum of motivation to do it but then the “I can’t be bothered” force arose and I posted this instead

I almost did it though. so close


that “I can’t be bothered” force is a powerful one, it rules my entire life

polyester concept
Mar 29, 2017

medication has helped me tremendously at work, but in the evenings when I have time to do personal things, especially after the kids have gone to bed, the medication has worn off and i still have to try very hard to fight procrastination. most often it wins. lately, there has been a fair amount of nihilism mixed in there as well.

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
I feel ya mate. do you think the medication makes the evenings worse?

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
has anyone here used atomoxetine? it’s a treatment for adhd which by itself doesn’t seem particularly effective BUT as an adjunct to stims might be helpful, especially as it lasts all day long

outhole surfer
Mar 18, 2003

i was on it in 2010 or so. i remember it being pretty ineffective for me, but that was using it to replace stims instead of augmenting them.

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy
where I think stimulants would come in handy for me, if they’re appropriate at all, would be outside of work

at work, while I get distracted easily and am not really the hardest worker lol, I can generally do my work fine. I’ve read that poor self esteem generally goes hand in hand with adhd and idk if that’s my problem (adhd) but poor self esteem certainly is, and I hate feeling like a disappointment, so it’s somewhat easy to pull it together for work

at home however, where the only person to let down is myself? god drat who loving cares amiright? lmao

does anyone know any tricks to convincing myself that what I think matters when it comes to self esteem? I know this isn’t a healthy approach but it feels like I rely totally on external validation. it’s like if I built a road bridge, it wouldn’t matter how I felt about it, because even if I was proud of building it, all that matters is if the bridge works and if others like it, and so I can’t help but feel that way about anything I do at all. in this way I just can’t generate any self esteem of my own, I just can’t convince myself that my own opinion matters. oh well lol who cares

Achmed Jones
Oct 16, 2004



if it's not impacting your work, most doctors will say "you might have an attention deficit, but it is not severe enough to qualify as a Disorder. therapy and coping strategies for you, but no meds".

Achmed Jones
Oct 16, 2004



also echi go see a doctor or therapist or something. they can help you in a way that yospos cannot. the strategies you need aren't going to come from a web forum, they're going to come from someone who suggests them based on your unique situation.

outhole surfer
Mar 18, 2003

echinopsis posted:


at home however, where the only person to let down is myself? god drat who loving cares amiright? lmao

does anyone know any tricks to convincing myself that what I think matters when it comes to self esteem? I know this isn’t a healthy approach but it feels like I rely totally on external validation. it’s like if I built a road bridge, it wouldn’t matter how I felt about it, because even if I was proud of building it, all that matters is if the bridge works and if others like it, and so I can’t help but feel that way about anything I do at all. in this way I just can’t generate any self esteem of my own, I just can’t convince myself that my own opinion matters. oh well lol who cares

wish i had a good strategy to share, but I feel this hard. basic poo poo around the house only happens if someone is coming over.

Beeftweeter
Jun 28, 2005

OFFICIAL #1 GNOME FAN
it's absolutely pretty hard and i feel like it's gotten worse and more difficult to control since the pandemic started. i don't have any tips here really because it's something i still struggle with greatly

PokeJoe
Aug 24, 2004

hail cgatan


i switched to the XR stims so they last into the evening :shrug: works 4 me

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

Achmed Jones posted:

also echi go see a doctor or therapist or something. they can help you in a way that yospos cannot. the strategies you need aren't going to come from a web forum, they're going to come from someone who suggests them based on your unique situation.

reminds me I need to dive into my health insurance and see if I can get covered for a specialist, otherwise it’s a bit tight financially to do that just yet.

Achmed Jones posted:

if it's not impacting your work, most doctors will say "you might have an attention deficit, but it is not severe enough to qualify as a Disorder. therapy and coping strategies for you, but no meds".

this is extreme bullshit imo, if true, which seems likely, the idea that certain treatment is only warranted if it’s for work reasons, if you’re a total failure at getting your home life in order, well, who cares?

nudgenudgetilt posted:

wish i had a good strategy to share, but I feel this hard. basic poo poo around the house only happens if someone is coming over.

indeed

Beeftweeter posted:

it's absolutely pretty hard and i feel like it's gotten worse and more difficult to control since the pandemic started. i don't have any tips here really because it's something i still struggle with greatly

solidarity

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

PokeJoe posted:

i switched to the XR stims so they last into the evening :shrug: works 4 me

i wonder if it’s possible to microdose methamphetamine

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Beeftweeter
Jun 28, 2005

OFFICIAL #1 GNOME FAN
stims help but they're not a panacea, you still have to actually do whatever it is that needs to be done. that can be surprisingly difficult

a lot of times amphetamine just makes me hyperfocus on something that's total bullshit. if i start playing a game to unwind a bit i usually want to keep playing, and whoops! turns out i've been playing for 8 hours, but look how far i got in beating majora's mask for the 30th time

as a result i don't really even play games anymore but the same concept applies to reading a wiki article or something. it sucks

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