CFB 2022 Season Aftermath: Blood on the hands of Larry Scott

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > CFB 2022 Season Aftermath: Blood on the hands of Larry Scott

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LeeMajors: Jan 20, 2005; I've gotta stop fantasizing about Lee Majors...
Ah, one more!

Nervous posted:

Have you tried bribing the NCAA into giving Tebow another year of eligibility?

Maybe the gator collective can do it, since they supposedly offered a high school 13M to come in :laffo:

# ? Jan 28, 2023 00:14

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# ? Jun 11, 2024 00:34

Rectal Placenta: Feb 25, 2011

Lol, you're gonna get Mertz'd

# ? Jan 28, 2023 02:38

LeeMajors: Jan 20, 2005; I've gotta stop fantasizing about Lee Majors...
Ah, one more!

Rectal Placenta posted:

Lol, you're gonna get Mertz'd

It's done. It's already happened.

:smith:

# ? Jan 28, 2023 02:54

LLCoolJD: Dec 8, 2007; Musk threatens the inorganic promotion of left-wing ideology that had been taking place on the platform

Block me for being an unironic DeSantis fan, too!

I'll still tune in next season. Maybe Florida can bullshit their way to 8 wins.

# ? Jan 28, 2023 03:17

LeeMajors: Jan 20, 2005; I've gotta stop fantasizing about Lee Majors...
Ah, one more!

LLCoolJD posted:

I'll still tune in next season. Maybe Florida can bullshit their way to 8 wins.

I will too. Self-loathing is a powerful motivator.

# ? Jan 28, 2023 03:18

Spacemonkey57: Dec 1, 2004

It could be worse, it could be Alex Horningbrook.

# ? Jan 28, 2023 03:22

Rectal Placenta: Feb 25, 2011

He was no Jim Sorgi, that's for sure.

# ? Jan 28, 2023 03:29

Spacemonkey57: Dec 1, 2004

Rectal Placenta posted:

He was no Jim Sorgi, that's for sure.

If Florida gets lucky he�ll be a poor man�s Jack Coan.

# ? Jan 28, 2023 03:45

LeeMajors: Jan 20, 2005; I've gotta stop fantasizing about Lee Majors...
Ah, one more!

Man, I can't wait.

# ? Jan 28, 2023 03:48

RC and Moon Pie: May 5, 2011

Cthulu Carl posted:

The bands better get to work on their Queen before September 2.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqhHgT4mvRQ

This one is more fitting

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tvvfq4pEUlE

# ? Jan 28, 2023 04:50

Sash!: Mar 16, 2001

Spacemonkey57 posted:

Dear god I tried to read that timeline of what happened and fell asleep as soon as I got to "After receiving the audit results, the two executives failed to inform the Pac-12 Board of Directors or the Pac-12�s external auditors of the financial risk associated with the audit findings."

That's a perfectly clear and understandable statement.

Signed,
Sash, professional auditor

# ? Jan 28, 2023 06:53

Cthulu Carl: Apr 16, 2006

Sash! posted:

That's a perfectly clear and understandable statement.

Signed,
Sash, professional auditor

Sorry, I fell asleep as soon as I got it "That's"

# ? Jan 28, 2023 15:22

D.N. Nation: Feb 1, 2012

LeeMajors posted:

Man, I can't wait.

UGA won 10 games with Greyson Lambert, you never know

# ? Jan 28, 2023 15:39

Rectal Placenta: Feb 25, 2011

Spacemonkey57 posted:

If Florida gets lucky he�ll be a poor man�s Jack Coan.

I think enough luck would get them a nice durable Scott Tolzien!

# ? Jan 28, 2023 16:16

JesustheDarkLord: May 22, 2006; #VolsDeep; Lipstick Apathy

Watching the crowd for the Tennessee-Texas basketball game has me really excited for Texas complaining about horns down

# ? Jan 28, 2023 17:04

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

JesustheDarkLord posted:

Watching the crowd for the Tennessee-Texas basketball game has me really excited for Texas complaining about horns down

They're going to really hate it in the SEC lol

# ? Jan 28, 2023 17:46

General Dog: Apr 26, 2008; Everybody's working for the weekend

I think Texas may stumble on a good hire after they fire Sark and be pretty good in the SEC, since that�s the darkest timeline.

# ? Jan 28, 2023 19:17

LeeMajors: Jan 20, 2005; I've gotta stop fantasizing about Lee Majors...
Ah, one more!

Comedy option: they hire Petrino after aTm offense looks decent this year.

# ? Jan 28, 2023 19:31

Joey Freshwater: Jun 20, 2004; Always playing with my meat; Grimey Drawer

tactlessbastard posted:

They're going to really hate it in the SEC lol

I cannot wait until they ask the SEC to ban it and they get laughed out of the building.

If they do ban it that will just make it even worse

# ? Jan 28, 2023 20:49

Luigi Thirty: Apr 30, 2006; Emergency confection port.

LeeMajors posted:

Maybe the gator collective can do it, since they supposedly offered a high school 13M to come in

Sorry, offered 13 million dollars and then when it came time to write a check they all looked at each other and pulled their pockets inside out

Then had to go to the AD who was like �you promised what�

# ? Jan 29, 2023 00:32

Joey Freshwater: Jun 20, 2004; Always playing with my meat; Grimey Drawer

If that�s what really happened they�re dumb as hell. With Nico�s (supposed) $8m contract only $250k of it was guaranteed. The rest is all appearance based. So he could potentially make up to $8m. It�s not like they cut him a check for that.

# ? Jan 29, 2023 00:51

Judgy Fucker: Mar 24, 2006

UNRANKED OKLAHOMA DEMOLISHES #2 ALABAMA in men's basketball

# ? Jan 29, 2023 01:08

Luigi Thirty: Apr 30, 2006; Emergency confection port.

Joey Freshwater posted:

If that�s what really happened they�re dumb as hell. With Nico�s (supposed) $8m contract only $250k of it was guaranteed. The rest is all appearance based. So he could potentially make up to $8m. It�s not like they cut him a check for that.

Whatever it was, it was enough to get him to decommit to the U in favor of Florida. I don�t think the full details leaked but the boosters were bragging it was �more guaranteed money than anyone else in the country.� Supposedly the Gator Collective offered an $8 million contract, but he decided to go to Miami (with a reported $9 million NIL contract) with his agent saying he left �millions on the table.� Then, after some big donations, the Gator Collective offered the $13 million deal that got him to flip.

Reading between the lines, it seems like the Florida group offered some absurd guaranteed money deal that they reneged on almost immediately when it came time to write the check.

# ? Jan 29, 2023 01:17

LeeMajors: Jan 20, 2005; I've gotta stop fantasizing about Lee Majors...
Ah, one more!

Coming to terms with anything surrounding UF being the dumbest loving thing has sure been a weird ride after so many years of competent leadership under Spurrier etc.

Everything is so loving stupid there all the time for like the past decade.

# ? Jan 29, 2023 01:54

Warbird: May 23, 2012; America's Favorite Dumbass

Judgy Fucker posted:

UNRANKED OKLAHOMA DEMOLISHES #2 ALABAMA in men's basketball

https://twitter.com/largeelyphants/status/1619448435673006081

# ? Jan 29, 2023 02:33

Sash!: Mar 16, 2001

I watched the Manti Te'o thing on Netflix. It did answer some of the questions I had. Maybe it has to do with the intervening ten years or so, but in retrospect the "lol imaginary girlfriend" part wasn't fair at all. She wasn't imaginary, per se. Maybe I'm just being a stickler for lawyering this, but that carries some implications on his part that weren't accurate even if it had turned out that he was in on it.

# ? Jan 29, 2023 02:36

Elephanthead: Sep 11, 2008; Toilet Rascal

Jeff Fisher just won a football game

# ? Jan 29, 2023 02:43

Warbird: May 23, 2012; America's Favorite Dumbass

Sash! posted:

I watched the Manti Te'o thing on Netflix. It did answer some of the questions I had. Maybe it has to do with the intervening ten years or so, but in retrospect the "lol imaginary girlfriend" part wasn't fair at all. She wasn't imaginary, per se. Maybe I'm just being a stickler for lawyering this, but that carries some implications on his part that weren't accurate even if it had turned out that he was in on it.

Does it cover them getting pantsed on national television by ol' Nicky Sabes and the Tide? If so, can you provide timestamps?

# ? Jan 29, 2023 02:46

GD_American: Jul 21, 2004; LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AS IT'S INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT!

I simultaneously both feel complete empathy and compassion for Manti and find his team's shithousing in the title game that year to be one of my absolute fondest college football memories

# ? Jan 29, 2023 03:20

Warbird: May 23, 2012; America's Favorite Dumbass

I wholly agree with you except for that first part. Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women. Roll Tide, btich. Also applies to Tebow who I'm sure is an excellent person, but gently caress em anyway.

# ? Jan 29, 2023 04:02

Sash!: Mar 16, 2001

It does and it is pretty funny because they're like "he had a bad game and that hurt ND." But you sit there like yeah one star player having a bad day can affect the game, but they got loving shelled.

# ? Jan 29, 2023 04:03

TheAlmightyFrog: Oct 7, 2007; squeeeak

LeeMajors posted:

Comedy option: they hire Petrino after aTm offense looks decent this year.

What a glorious disaster that will be to bear witness to. Sure, Texas will be good a for a couple years, but that crash and burn will be a thing of beauty.

# ? Jan 29, 2023 04:33

GD_American: Jul 21, 2004; LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AS IT'S INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT!

Warbird posted:

I wholly agree with you except for that first part. Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women. Roll Tide, btich. Also applies to Tebow who I'm sure is an excellent person, but gently caress em anyway.

See, this is what separates the half-ironic Bama fans like me (ie, graduates who didn't grow up cheering for them) from the full-blown Updykes

# ? Jan 29, 2023 09:02

KKKLIP ART: Sep 3, 2004

Gonna be a bit of a long post but not for football reasons. I want to talk about a peak offseason topic: food. I found Weez's fried chicken recipe exactly as posted, typos and all, and thought I would share with you all. Gonna make it this coming weekend probably.

WEEZ posted:

The Best Fried Chcken You Will Ever Eat You loving Dick
adapted from a recipe by thomas keller because suck my dick none of you deserve to eat this good

First you'll need some chicken. the best way is to buy 2-3 whole chickens (~3-4# each, bigger chickens are grotesque hormone pumped monstrosities that have muscles growing in wrong places and cutting them is a horror show of anatomical miscarriages) and break them down into 10 pieces. if you're too stupid to figure out a 10 piece break then watch this video and learn something you useless swine. if you had to look it up it probably means you don't make your own stock in which case you can either start doing so to make use of the leftover carcass bits + spine or you can be a lazy wasteful worthless rear end in a top hat and buy 5-10lbs of whatever pieces you want ie drumsticks, thighs, breasts. SKIN ON, BONE IN YOU PRICK. if the breasts are Too Huge, you'll have to break them into smaller pieces. there's an ideal surface area-to-volume ratio you want here. too small and your chicken will overcook,too big and it'll be undercooked and loving gross and the breading will burn before the center is warm which means i can;'t teach you anything. jesus christ.

so once you have your chicken you're gonna want to brine it, which accomplishes two goals: it flavors the chicken and it keeps it moist through the cooking process. you can do a lot of things with brine but any good chicken brine will have a few key ingredients: lemon, thyme, parsley, peppercorns, garlic, bay leaves, and a sweetener (honey or sugar). these are classics for chicken in any form for a reason, because people with better palettes than you refined it for centuries. i'll quote keller's recipe for brine here because it's foolproof and excellent. ps if you don't have a digital kitchen scale loving BUY ONE OH MY GOD VOLUMETRIC MEASUREMENT IS FOR ASSHOLES

quote:
Chicken Brine
Makes 2 gallons
5 lemons, halved
� 24 bay leaves
� 1 bunch (4 ounces) flat-leaf parsley
� 1 bunch (1 ounce) thyme
� 1/2 cup clover honey
� 1 head garlic, halved through the equator
� 3/4 cup black peppercorns
� 2 cups (10 ounces) kosher salt, preferably Diamond Crystal
� 2 gallons water

The key ingredient here is the lemon, which goes wonderfully with chicken, as do the herbs: bay leaf, parsley, and thyme. This amount of brine will be enough for 10 pounds.

Combine all the ingredients in a large pot, cover, and bring to a boil. Boil for 1 minute, stirring to dissolve the salt. Remove from the heat and cool completely, then chill before using. The brine can be refrigerated for up to 3 days.

You can vary this. I add more lemon and garlic. Do what you want I don't care but probably try it as written before screwing around with it and ruining it like an idiot. make the brine and wait until it is COMPLETELY CHILLED or you'll be breaking about a billion rules of poultry safety and poison your friends and be That Guy when they're all sick. don't be That Guy. do it in advance a day if you don't have a huge amount of time to wait for chilling (i'm talking like 6 hours). if you don't have a big enough pot for 2 gallons you can do it with 1 gallon of water, and then when you get to the chilling step add the other gallon of water in a larger vessel ( a sanitized home depot bucket for $5 owns because it's big enough to brine a turkey in for thanksgiving) and the dilution will also cool it rapidly.

Once your brine is loving chilled then pour it over all your chicken. i use huge ziploc plastic tubs and organize by cut (ie drumsticks, thighs, breasts) for organizational purposes but if you go the bucket route then just put all your chicken in, cover it, and put in the fridge covered. ziploc bags work well too but you'll probably spill all over everything and contaminate everything with raw poultry you goddamn idiot. use tupperware/tubs/whatever. time this so that you're doing it as close to 12 hours before you want to be serving your chicken as possible. as much as 16 hours is okay if not ideal, by 24 your chicken will be p drat salty, under 10 and the flavor will be weak.

~90 minutes before you want to serve, pull chicken from the fridge and dump the brine, rinse off the chicken with cold water and get it good and clean. Then pat it all dry and keep it separated by parts and set aside covered with a tea towel or w/e to let it come up to room temperature. now is a good time to prepare your cook station. you'll be making a flour coating and using buttermilk for a double coating. flour->buttermilk->flour->fryer->cooling rack will be your workflow here. again from keller:

quote:
Ingredients
(Serves 4-6)

Two 2 1/2- to 3-pound chickens (see Note on Chicken Size)
Chicken Brine (recipe follows), cold
For Dredging and Frying
� Peanut or canola oil for deep-frying [ed. note: i use vegetable oil, idgaf. just know your smoke points]
� 1 quart buttermilk
� Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

Coating
� 6 cups all-purpose flour
� 1/4 cup garlic powder
� 1/4 cup onion powder
� 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon paprika
� 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon cayenne
� 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon kosher salt
� 1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
� Ground fleur de sel or fine sea salt

Directions

Cut each chicken into 10 pieces: 2 legs, 2 thighs, 4 breast quarters, and 2 wings. Pour the brine into a container large enough to hold the chicken pieces, add in the chicken, and refrigerate for 12 hours (no longer, or the chicken may become too salty).

Remove the chicken from the brine (discard the brine) and rinse under cold water, removing any herbs or spices sticking to the skin. Pat dry with paper towels, or let air-dry. Let rest at room temperature for 1-1/2 hours, or until it comes to room temperature.

If you have two large pots (about 6 inches deep) and a lot of oil, you can cook the dark and white meat at the same time; if not, cook the dark meat first, then turn up the heat and cook the white meat. No matter what size pot you have, the oil should not come more than one-third of the way up the sides of the pot. Fill the pot with at least 2 inches of peanut oil and heat to 320�F. [ed. note: USE A THERMOMETER IN YOUR OIL ] Set a cooling rack over a baking sheet. Line a second baking sheet with parchment paper.

Meanwhile, combine all the coating ingredients in a large bowl. Transfer half the coating to a second large bowl. Pour the buttermilk into a third bowl and season with salt and pepper. Set up a dipping station: the chicken pieces, one bowl of coating, the bowl of buttermilk, the second bowl of coating, and the parchment-lined baking sheet.

Just before frying, dip the chicken thighs into the first bowl of coating, turning to coat and patting off the excess; dip them into the buttermilk, allowing the excess to run back into the bowl; then dip them into the second bowl of coating. Transfer to the parchment-lined pan.

Carefully lower the thighs into the hot oil. Adjust the heat as necessary to return the oil to the proper temperature. Fry for 2 minutes, then carefully move the chicken pieces around in the oil and continue to fry, monitoring the oil temperature and turning the pieces as necessary for even cooking, for 11 to 12 minutes, until the chicken is a deep golden brown, cooked through, and very crisp. Meanwhile, coat the chicken drumsticks and transfer to the parchment-lined baking sheet.

Transfer the cooked thighs to the cooling rack skin-side-up and let rest while you fry the remaining chicken. (Putting the pieces skin-side-up will allow excess fat to drain, whereas leaving them skin-side-down could trap some of the fat.) Make sure that the oil is at the correct temperature, and cook the chicken drumsticks. When the drumsticks are done, lean them meat-side-up against the thighs to drain, then sprinkle the chicken with fine sea salt.

Turn up the heat and heat the oil to 340�F. Meanwhile, coat the chicken breasts and wings. Carefully lower the chicken breasts into the hot oil and fry for 7 minutes, or until golden brown, cooked through, and crisp. Transfer to the rack, sprinkle with salt, and turn skin side up. Cook the wings for 6 minutes, or until golden brown and cooked through. Transfer the wings to the rack and turn off the heat. Arrange the chicken on a serving platter.

Note: We let the chicken rest for 7 to 10 minutes after it comes out of the fryer so that it has a chance to cool down. If the chicken has rested for longer than 10 minutes, put the tray of chicken in a 400�F oven for a minute or two to ensure that the crust is crisp and the chicken is hot. [ed. note: you can keep racks of chicken in the oven at 200�F for 15-30m without a problem to hold batches while you do the 2nd/3rd]

i've made this a million times so if you have any questions just ask and contemplate how you failed your poor mother to not be able to follow a simple god damned recipe. you can adjust the coating quite a bit obviously, i use extra paprika (piment�n picante) and some other peppers besides cayenne (ancho, de arbol) but it can be whatever you want once you know how the baseline recipe works. anyway here's some pictures from various times i made it

Enjoy.

# ? Jan 29, 2023 13:54

Joey Freshwater: Jun 20, 2004; Always playing with my meat; Grimey Drawer

Warbird posted:

https://twitter.com/largeelyphants/status/1619448435673006081

I legit got dizzy trying to read that

# ? Jan 29, 2023 15:41

dirty shrimp money: Jan 8, 2001

https://twitter.com/RedditCFB/status/1619726675478212610

If I were a UGA player there�s no way I�d be in DFW right now

# ? Jan 29, 2023 17:05

General Dog: Apr 26, 2008; Everybody's working for the weekend

dirty shrimp money posted:

https://twitter.com/RedditCFB/status/1619726675478212610

If I were a UGA player there�s no way I�d be in DFW right now

TCU fans are statistically nonexistent

# ? Jan 29, 2023 17:35

GD_American: Jul 21, 2004; LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AS IT'S INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT!

SB4 has reached terminal levels of Dawg In Him. He's now doing a victory lap around the entire Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex

# ? Jan 29, 2023 18:14

KICK BAMA KICK: Mar 2, 2009

I think if you win a title of any kind widely recognized by the public you should just have immunity to do poo poo like that. Someone should come gently stop you if you're actually causing a problem but a guy in his position is more or less immune in the sense of experiencing a real consequence so why even bother with the arrest.

_{(Now realizing I'm just describing what law enforcement would look like if it were actually centered on justice and public safety but I had to put it in terms of a football player because I'm American.)}

# ? Jan 29, 2023 19:18

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# ? Jun 11, 2024 00:34

Pimpcasso: Mar 13, 2002; VOLS BITCH

dirty shrimp money posted:

https://twitter.com/RedditCFB/status/1619726675478212610

If I were a UGA player there�s no way I�d be in DFW right now

Another shameful dawg

# ? Jan 29, 2023 19:19

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > CFB 2022 Season Aftermath: Blood on the hands of Larry Scott

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