MacheteZombie posted:

That just basic vampirism

That DICK! posted:

GBS Thread: I am Count Chocula, AMA

GBS Guy: I don't know whether this is legit, but this is a loving amazing read.

Plant MONSTER. posted:

Never realized count chockula was afraid of receiving cunnilingus they never mentioned that in any of the commercials. Was it a blurb on the back of the box?

Count Chocula posted:

I don’t find my partner’s body disgusting. I find all bodies disgusting because they’re decay and death (like the bathtub scene in the Shining); I want to be computer code or a machine. That said, I do enjoy people’s physical bodies; I was dancing with someone at a gig and it was nice. I miss skin on skin contact, kissing, all that.
The internal bits are gross tho. And I have no idea how you can stick your tongue in the place poo poo comes out of, until True Romance I thought it was just a meme.

Look, if a girl said she didn’t like giving men blowjobs, everyone would be cool with it. Why is ‘eating pussy’ a moral imperative? My friend bugged me about it so much I had to lie and say I did it.

Count Chocula posted:

I mean i’ve read all the actual antinatlist, existentialist, nihilist philosophers, plus all the primary religious and ethical tests, tons of classical literature.... none has budged my nihilism.

So what, I should just cancel all my upcoming dates cause you guys said so?

Count Chocula posted:

Only immortality through complete brain uploading or total cyborgization will make life meaningful, but scientifically I know that’s utterly impossible, hence the nihilism. Tho I do think those Malatora Dragon people had the right idea.

On a practical note, wouldn’t toys be a logical idea? Again, just give me basic sex advice, I never bothered to learn, despite picking up. I have just realised this is why promising relationships have failed.

I don’t understand people’s objections to this? At all? Do you welcome Death? I’ve heard all the counter arguments in sci-fi and they never made sense.

How has nobody made a Love, Death, and Robots joke?

Count Chocula posted:

Again, my philosophy is logically consistent: don’t have kids or your perpetuating the endless cycle of death and suffering. End all life, end all death and suffering. People say I shouldn’t date, I should be alone forever for what I believe. Fine. But i’m also not supposed to spread my unique ideas to the world? To put out something that people haven’t heard before?

I dunno, I like kissing, I was exposed to it early. But like fruits and vegetables, I never ate pussy, so it’s just gross.

Here’s the facts: I have a social life now. I’m doing well on online dating. I’ve attracted women in the past by doing very little (I have no idea why). I’m gonna start meeting people and trying for something, even it’s just kissing a girl in a bar (which would be momentous, given how things are, to quote a super creepy singer). Link me some basic sex tips or something so i’m decent enough for people to stick around. I’m 34, I ain’t gonna change into a sex god or anything, I just want people not to leave.

Nuns with Guns posted:

No, no, he was disgusted with the idea of giving it.

Though his other tendency to post like an extremely online Castlevania villain was apropos, I suppose.

quote:

But like fruits and vegetables, I never ate pussy, so it’s just gross.

Grassy Knowles posted:

Saving this absolute gem of a quote

Grassy Knowles posted:

Saving this absolute gem of a quote

pog boyfriend posted:

why come people keep leaving me in relationships.? i simply think of all human beings as inevitable corpses and all life as meaningless, and i refuse to eat pu$$y. Is that why? can someone give me advice? how ever advice that does not involve eating pu$$y

Nuns with Guns posted:

No, no, he was disgusted with the idea of giving it.

Though his other tendency to post like an extremely online Castlevania villain was apropos, I suppose.

Grassy Knowles posted:

Saving this absolute gem of a quote

Grassy Knowles posted:

Saving this absolute gem of a quote

Nuns with Guns posted:

All the Count Chocula talk is amusing because the guy who claimed that as their username here was a nutjob who was obsessed with defeating death.

sebmojo posted:

This America, man

Nuns with Guns posted:

No, no, he was disgusted with the idea of giving it.

Though his other tendency to post like an extremely online Castlevania villain was apropos, I suppose.

Cthulu Carl posted:

This is a gimmick I could respect if he also only posted in chess threads.

FirstnameLastname posted:

Link me some basic sex tips or something so i’m decent enough for people to stick around. I’m 34, I ain’t gonna change into a sex god or anything, I just want people not to leave. Perhaps... crunchy orbs of real cocoa, each sprinkled with a hint of cinnamon, to be part of a well balanced breakfast!?

Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:

Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:

Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:

Nuns with Guns posted:

No, no, he was disgusted with the idea of giving it.

Though his other tendency to post like an extremely online Castlevania villain was apropos, I suppose.

Furnok Dorn posted:

i can't remember what thread it was in but there was a goon who thought that womens genitals pulled water up into their bodies whenever they went swimming which led to a post asking if said goon seriously thought 'women walk out of a lake leaking water everywhere like a boat trailer'

Furnok Dorn posted:

i can't remember what thread it was in but there was a goon who thought that womens genitals pulled water up into their bodies whenever they went swimming which led to a post asking if said goon seriously thought 'women walk out of a lake leaking water everywhere like a boat trailer'

Inexplicable Humblebrag posted: