The Wicked ZOGA posted:

Cut my life into pieces

Arivia posted:

This is my last repost

Snowy posted:

You and everyone else who ended up as a bog body

sebmojo posted:

What are you gonna do, entomb me?
-entombed man

Snowy posted:

You and everyone else who ended up as a bog body

Jedit posted:

I somehow doubt it, considering that they were frequently tortured and strangled before being thrown into the bog.

Jedit posted:

I somehow doubt it, considering that they were frequently tortured and strangled before being thrown into the bog.

Gravitas Shortfall posted:

This bog! It was meant for me!

Platystemon posted:

Kangaroos have their balls above their dicks.

How weird is that?

sebmojo posted:

What are you gonna do, entomb me?
-entombed man

Pirate Radar posted:

RIP to that dude but I’m different

Zulily Zoetrope posted:

What are you gonna do, quote me?

Qwertycoatl posted:

I've obviously not seen Frank's notes but personally I'm sceptical that they say the main villain is Brian+Kevin's OC, defeated by Brian+Kevin's other OC

zoux posted:

No it’s all in there. Along with the Butlerian Juhad starting because of an extremely late term abortion

Jedit posted:

Come on, I don't like Brian Herbert either but that's no way to describe him.

Zulily Zoetrope posted:

the whole point of the gag is that the information about the consequences comes before the quote itself! stop posting it wrong!

wheatpuppy posted:

"For the love of bog Montresor!"

wheatpuppy posted:

"For the love of bog Montresor!"

sebmojo posted:

i completely respect this level of trivial gag pedantry dgmw, but that is the case here, as his recorded statement re being entombed (and disbelief that this consequence could ever befall him) implicitly dates to before he was entombed

SLOSifl posted:

Lesson learned. Have you ever wanted something you can only have once? And didn’t do it?

That guy doesn’t do that. His only regrets are measured in quarts.

Recently my partner’s uncle died, and it’s likely that you are as close as I was. He was in the Marines (liquid soldiers) so they did a rifle salute at the service. Oldest people I think I’ve ever seen. The priest literally hung himself. Huge twist and absolutely ruined the service.

So we’re at this hall connected to a fire department catered by my parter’s uncle’s sister’s son’s cousin’s (my partner) caterer and it’s all milk. Every hot plate or hotel pan, five or six separate stations at the reception, it’s all milk.

You take a plate and go up the line and someone asks “milk?” and they dump it on a shallow plate. Next one, same thing. So I have this plastic plate lapping at the rim with milk and the four people in line ahead of me start puking, not doubled over just standing there. That set everyone off. I joked that the uncle “at least didn’t die drowning in puke like the Titanic” and it turned out he did.

Makes me not want to RSVP to the next one.

Guess I’ll never know if the chicken parmesan was good and I’ll die with that hole.

Subjunctive posted:

The joke is as much about the presentation as the facts, and the presentation needs to be ordered correctly. I stand with OP.

My Lovely Horse posted:

Dareon posted:

I'm looking for a quote from one of the Groverhaus discussions, it was a satirical post about, I think, when he tried to get the building inspector to sign off on it. It included the phrase "The ol' wifenheimer, buzzed to the gills on benzos" as near as my foggy memory can make out.

quote:

Failed ANOTHER inspection - Different fire marshal - SAME wiring. Call me paranoid but I can't imagine that two completely different fire marshals, from competely different government bodies (the city and the state police), would just randomly come to the same conclusion about such a clever wiring setup. I pointed out that Id already purchased and installed over 180 outlets over the course of the project, so I probably knew what I was doing by now. And anyway, I could have every outlet-capable thing I own plugged in, on, and running, and it wouldn't even take up a quarter of them. Meanwhile, the Ol Wifenheimer, fuzzed out of her mind on black bombers and kratom, skittered by like a trembling woodcutter ant with several dozen sheets of plywood hoisted above her quietly jabbering head. I told the Marshal how much I wanted them but he shook his head sadly and said, "Grover, you need to choose a few outlets, and you need to take the rest away. You can't have them all, it's dangerous, you could burn your house down and you don't want to die in a terrible fire? Do you? That's why we need you to take the wires out, Grover, so you don't hurt yourself and your family." I swore up and down that I'd do the work, and not just try to fool him with a new fake-wiring setup like I did the other guy, but now that he's walked out the door - I kind of feel like just leaving it, and then start dodging inspections until after I get licensed up myself vv

Fight_tin_men posted:

but none of the big ones

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

Applewhite posted:

Dwight tries to kill Jim with a pistol but Jim replaced Dwight's gun with a chocolate gun (a gun made out of chocolate, not a gun that shoots chocolate).

jazzyhattrick posted:

Dwight tries to kill Jim with a pistol but Jim replaced Dwight's gun with a chocolate gun (a gun that shoots chocolate, not a gun made out of chocolate).

jazzyhattrick posted:

Dwight tries to kill Jim with a pistol but Jim replaced Dwight's gun with a chocolate gun, a gun made out of chocolate, that also shoots chocolate.

To clarify, chocolate is the projectile that the chocolate gun fires, not the target of the chocolate gun. Well, not the exclusive target, it would be entirely feasible to use the chocolate gun to shoot chocolate at a chocolate target, should one present itself.

poisonpill posted:

Jim opens his mouth as Dwight shoots chocolate bullets at him. He catches and swallows them, then chokes out through a heavily bruised larynx “Talk about a perfect crime! I’ve driven my best friend to try to kill me, and gotten my just desserts!”

Dwight pauses a moment, then bursts into laughter. The two share a moment of levity and part as friends.

16-bit Butt-Head posted:

jeffrey is a landlord and you know what cspam does to landlords... they give them gambling money

Rascar Capac posted:

By popular demand posted:

Just another thing for the robots to hold against us.

Impossibly Perfect Sphere posted:

thankfully all the occupants of that sub can now be filtered through a fine screen

ComfyPants posted:

Billionaires learn one weird trick for getting a camel to pass through the eye of a needle

Outrail posted:

They're gonna shine a camera into the porthole and they'll either be loving or eating eachother.

Comrade Koba posted:

Well they did report hearing banging sounds

Asterite34 posted:

Joining the Mile-Deep Club

That DICK! posted:

no that's the mile wide club

My Spirit Otter posted:

Speaks volumes that you can say that sneaking a dwarf into the shacks so that said dwarf can ride a tricycle nude then have a train ran on her is a very Wainwright thing and still have to clarify which Wainwright.

Captain Hygiene posted:

If the sub's a-lurchin', don't come a-searchin'

zedprime posted:

Just imagine your last experiences on Earth are sitting criss cross apple sauce in a tube while an old guy takes off his shirt and plays My Heart Will Go On.

SyNack Sassimov posted:

This is like the 10th time I've seen this phrase in the last few days (across threads but mostly referring to how people sit in the sub) and it rankles me in a way I can't define. Is this some loving regionalism where kids from x area of the country all learned it like this? It just comes across as childish language and is very jarring when reading a post clearly written by an adult. Why would you not use "cross-legged"?

I'm not saying this dislike is rational or anything but presumed-adults using this phrase is just really weird to me since there's a defined (shorter) term for it that doesn't rely on silly rhymes for children.

T3hRen3gade posted:

Yes, it's an extremely common phrase used in kindergartens across the United States. It has a doubly dark meaning in this context as well, as they were sitting criss-cross and are now likely crushed into apple sauce.