UKMT Summer 2023 - Too fat and woke to fight

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > UKMT Summer 2023 - Too fat and woke to fight

Red Oktober: May 24, 2006; wiggly eyes!

DreddyMatt posted:

Seems incredibly dangerous. Gotta remain perfectly still getting sucked while someone holds a straight razor to your throat.

*rushes into thread out of breath*

*hands on knees breathing heavily*

Straight edging!

# ? Aug 11, 2023 00:16

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# ? May 25, 2024 08:41

Tijuana Bibliophile: Dec 30, 2008; Scratchmo

DreddyMatt posted:

Seems incredibly dangerous. Gotta remain perfectly still getting sucked while someone holds a straight razor to your throat.

Maybe there's only one barber involved and what's shaved isn't your throat

# ? Aug 11, 2023 08:00

happyhippy: Feb 21, 2005; Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup; Pillbug

Do they do a full back, sack, and crack shave.

# ? Aug 11, 2023 08:59

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

A barber who tugs off all those who do not tug themselves off but only those who do not tug themselves off.

Who wanks the barber?!

# ? Aug 11, 2023 09:09

History Comes Inside!: Nov 20, 2004

Ask not for whom the barber wanks

# ? Aug 11, 2023 09:12

Failed Imagineer: Sep 22, 2018

Guavanaut posted:

A barber who tugs off all those who do not tug themselves off but only those who do not tug themselves off.

Who wanks the barber?!

We tried to answer this experimentally, but couldn't find any study participants who didn't tug themselves off

# ? Aug 11, 2023 09:14

Jedit: Dec 10, 2011; Proudly supporting vanilla legends 1994-2014

^^^ Try advertising outside humanities students.

Skull Servant posted:

Here's a weird question that I can't seem to find an answer to no matter who I talk to - why is Manchester's Pride always scheduled for August?

Because it goeth before the fall.

(No, seriously, I have had this cited as the reason.)

# ? Aug 11, 2023 09:22

Runcible Cat: May 28, 2007; Ignoring this post

Failed Imagineer posted:

We tried to answer this experimentally, but couldn't find any study participants who didn't tug themselves off

That's not what they tell the barber, though.

# ? Aug 11, 2023 09:22

Angepain: Jul 13, 2012; what keeps happening to my clothes

Failed Imagineer posted:

We tried to answer this experimentally, but couldn't find any study participants who didn't tug themselves off

I believe there's at least one reddit community that can help

# ? Aug 11, 2023 09:35

happyhippy: Feb 21, 2005; Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup; Pillbug

Angry loud turkish voices while I sit there with a hot towel around my taint.

# ? Aug 11, 2023 09:38

smellmycheese: Feb 1, 2016

Whatever you do don�t ask for a �Turkish Delight�

# ? Aug 11, 2023 09:41

Failed Imagineer: Sep 22, 2018

smellmycheese posted:

Whatever you do don’t ask for a “Turkish Delight”

The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe making a little more sense now

# ? Aug 11, 2023 09:43

Beefeater1980: Sep 12, 2008; My God, it's full of Horatios!

Baldur�s Gate chat: I just found out that the actor who does a very cool voice in Bg3 (Raphael, a sexy demon) was Adam Macy in the Archers from 2007 onwards. My mum listens to that, it�s a weird mixing of worlds.

# ? Aug 11, 2023 09:48

domhal: Dec 30, 2008; 0.000% of Communism has been built. Evil child-murdering billionaires still rule the world with a shit-eating grin. All he has managed to do is make himself *sad*. It has, however, made him into a very, very smart boy with something like a university degree in Truth. Instead of building Communism, he now builds a precise model of this grotesque, duplicitous world.

Guavanaut posted:

A barber who tugs off all those who do not tug themselves off but only those who do not tug themselves off.

Who wanks the barber?!

Unanswerable, we cannot allow unrestricted cumprehension.

# ? Aug 11, 2023 10:06

fuctifino: Jun 11, 2001

https://twitter.com/SkyNews/status/1689892703708815360

:toot:

# ? Aug 11, 2023 10:08

Pistol_Pete: Sep 15, 2007; Oven Wrangler

Julio Cruz posted:

I mean if you're going to be a Turkish barber I don't see why you'd do that

(also you'd probably put "Turkish" somewhere on your shop, which this guy hasn't)

I read a news story about some Egyptian barbers here in Bristol who opened a shop but called it a Turkish barbers, 'cos that's what people expect now.

# ? Aug 11, 2023 10:10

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

As with the Victorian baths and delights it is the British way to just gesture wildly in the direction of the Ottoman East and say 'Turkish'.

Angepain posted:

I believe there's at least one reddit community that can help

NoFappers won't go anywhere near a barber's. They have taken a vow of purity like Samson.

(often also because they're a nazi, rite? :v:

)

# ? Aug 11, 2023 10:12

Jedit: Dec 10, 2011; Proudly supporting vanilla legends 1994-2014

Guavanaut posted:

NoFappers won't go anywhere near a barber's. They have taken a vow of purity like Samson.

(often also because they're a nazi, rite? )

They may not go near a Turkish barbers, but they don't seem averse to having a razor near their heads.

# ? Aug 11, 2023 10:38

feedmegin: Jul 30, 2008

OwlFancier posted:

I mean maybe I'm biased cos I've been listening to lots of late 1800's/early 1900's ghost/detective fiction but it mostly seems like it's full of poshos writing about how positively ghastly the lower orders are and how they're definitely going to steal your jewels by jove.]

I recently re-read all of Sherlock Holmes and there are definitely some yikes bits about the 'lower orders' in there occasionally. I think I remember offhand racism about Irish and Jewish people too.

# ? Aug 11, 2023 10:39

smellmycheese: Feb 1, 2016

Beefeater1980 posted:

Baldur�s Gate chat: I just found out that the actor who does a very cool voice in Bg3 (Raphael, a sexy demon) was Adam Macy in the Archers from 2007 onwards. My mum listens to that, it�s a weird mixing of worlds.

Why is every character an upper class English person lmao. Demons talking like Prince Charles ffs. And Dwarfs should be Scottish

# ? Aug 11, 2023 10:43

Jaeluni Asjil: Apr 18, 2018; Sorry I thought you were a landlord when I gave you your old avatar!

https://www.disabilitynewsservice.com/recording-shows-atos-nurse-lied-repeatedly-in-pip-assessment-report/

(Sorry phone posting so no quote).

Basically man secretly recorded ATOS interview and proved the nurse assessor completely lied on the form.

# ? Aug 11, 2023 10:44

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

That was the standard until you appealed over a decade ago, so lovely but not at all surprising.

smellmycheese posted:

Demons talking like Prince Charles ffs.

Imagine a character. A prince of revenge. He is one of the Kings of Hell under Lucifer the emperor. He incites vice, and is the overseer of all the gambling houses in the court of Hell. He has 72 legions of demons and 10 sausages under his command. What else would he sound like?

feedmegin posted:

I recently re-read all of Sherlock Holmes and there are definitely some yikes bits about the 'lower orders' in there occasionally. I think I remember offhand racism about Irish and Jewish people too.

Themes of 'social contagion' by disease metaphor come up a fair bit too iirc, so well within the theme of 'the city' with its assumed Indonesian dwarf cannibal poisoners hiding in every packing crate.

# ? Aug 11, 2023 10:57

josh04: Oct 19, 2008; "THE FLASH IS THE REASON
TO RACE TO THE THEATRES"
_{This title contains sponsored content.}

Sherlock Holmes is all about dark secrets from the colonies, a subject that comes up in near every story.

# ? Aug 11, 2023 11:08

DesperateDan: Dec 10, 2005; Where's my cow?

Is that my cow?

No it isn't, but it still tramples my bloody lavender.

Guavanaut posted:

That was the standard until you appealed over a decade ago, so lovely but not at all surprising.

aye, this

I was awarded zero points on an assessment despite previous scores, letters from doctors, a well worded application and a medical history thicker than my thumb

CW

the same assessor also asked more than once why I hadn't killed myself yet, had me recall then relate in detail the means/actions of a previous attempt as well as repeatedly and intrusively asking about childhood sexual abuse and my own sexual orientation/identity at length

I have recorded every single once since, without permission, and frankly I'm dreading the next one as it always, always causes a deterioration in my MH even when they go fine

# ? Aug 11, 2023 11:14

Jedit: Dec 10, 2011; Proudly supporting vanilla legends 1994-2014

Jaeluni Asjil posted:

https://www.disabilitynewsservice.com/recording-shows-atos-nurse-lied-repeatedly-in-pip-assessment-report/

(Sorry phone posting so no quote).

Basically man secretly recorded ATOS interview and proved the nurse assessor completely lied on the form.

I was assessed by Atos about ten years ago after I'd had six absences through sickness in a year. All totally legit and my boss knew it, it was just an automatic trigger. During the interview the "nurse" directly threatened me with the loss of my job, telling me that she could report back and make it happen. They're utter vermin.

# ? Aug 11, 2023 11:17

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

DreddyMatt posted:

Seems incredibly dangerous. Gotta remain perfectly still getting sucked while someone holds a straight razor to your throat.

A scene from the cheapo British remake of Swordfish.

# ? Aug 11, 2023 11:39

His Divine Shadow: Aug 7, 2000; I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do.

Nevermind, misread.

His Divine Shadow fucked around with this message at 11:53 on Aug 11, 2023

# ? Aug 11, 2023 11:48

fuctifino: Jun 11, 2001

I had my first ATOS assessment in 2006. I actually thought that the assessment centre was part of the NHS, as I was in a long waiting list to see a neurologist. I really thought that the man in the white coat was a doctor, and that he would be one of the first specialists to take a look at me and say "Yes, something is wrong. You are ill.".

He told me to stand up, which I did. He snatched my walking stick from my hand and told me to walk to the other side of the room, which I did, and he laughed and said "You don't need this.", chucking my walking stick to the floor. I don't remember much more of the assessment, but a month or two later the DWP wrote to me to deny me benefits. I appealed, but they rejected due to lack of medical evidence (I was still waiting for the neurology appointment and diagnosis), and I was forced to take it to tribunal. I ended up losing my apartment, and started bouncing between homes, being forced to move every few months.

Were it not for friends and charities, I probably wouldn't be writing this post now. I was unable to work, often unable to physically get to appointments, and I ultimately became homeless. My initial emergency housing application to the council was rejected due to ATOS declaring me as being not disabled. Through friends and luck, I appealed that decision and was placed in a homeless hostel until by DWP tribunal date, with the knowledge that if I lost my tribunal, I would be given 24 hours notice to leave the homeless hostel.

I won the tribunal after making the woman panel member cry when recounting my story. It was also probably due to finally having an official diagnosis of ME/CFS after having seen a neurologist. Within two weeks I was allocated a ground floor council flat, and I've been 'existing' ever since.

New Labour created this dystopian system. Never forget that fact.

# ? Aug 11, 2023 11:50

happyhippy: Feb 21, 2005; Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup; Pillbug

feedmegin posted:

I recently re-read all of Sherlock Holmes and there are definitely some yikes bits about the 'lower orders' in there occasionally. I think I remember offhand racism about Irish and Jewish people too.

Coincidentally, Im watching all of the Jeremy Brett (best sherlock ever) episodes I can, and one last night made me laugh.
Not sure how it matches the books as I haven't read those in a decade, it was 'The Naval Treaty'.
And well, just look at the kids here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0vRz6R4PBw&t=1240s

The dirt smudged cheeks, just sitting around in the dark doing nothing.

# ? Aug 11, 2023 12:01

smellmycheese: Feb 1, 2016

fuctifino posted:

I had my first ATOS assessment in 2006. I actually thought that the assessment centre was part of the NHS, as I was in a long waiting list to see a neurologist. I really thought that the man in the white coat was a doctor, and that he would be one of the first specialists to take a look at me and say "Yes, something is wrong. You are ill.".

He told me to stand up, which I did. He snatched my walking stick from my hand and told me to walk to the other side of the room, which I did, and he laughed and said "You don't need this.", chucking my walking stick to the floor. I don't remember much more of the assessment, but a month or two later the DWP wrote to me to deny me benefits. I appealed, but they rejected due to lack of medical evidence (I was still waiting for the neurology appointment and diagnosis), and I was forced to take it to tribunal. I ended up losing my apartment, and started bouncing between homes, being forced to move every few months.

Were it not for friends and charities, I probably wouldn't be writing this post now. I was unable to work, often unable to physically get to appointments, and I ultimately became homeless. My initial emergency housing application to the council was rejected due to ATOS declaring me as being not disabled. Through friends and luck, I appealed that decision and was placed in a homeless hostel until by DWP tribunal date, with the knowledge that if I lost my tribunal, I would be given 24 hours notice to leave the homeless hostel.

I won the tribunal after making the woman panel member cry when recounting my story. It was also probably due to finally having an official diagnosis of ME/CFS after having seen a neurologist. Within two weeks I was allocated a ground floor council flat, and I've been 'existing' ever since.

New Labour created this dystopian system. Never forget that fact.

Bloody hell mate. Absolute cunts

# ? Aug 11, 2023 12:10

Jaeluni Asjil: Apr 18, 2018; Sorry I thought you were a landlord when I gave you your old avatar!

happyhippy posted:

Coincidentally, Im watching all of the Jeremy Brett (best sherlock ever) episodes I can, and one last night made me laugh.
Not sure how it matches the books as I haven't read those in a decade, it was 'The Naval Treaty'.
And well, just look at the kids here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0vRz6R4PBw&t=1240s

The dirt smudged cheeks, just sitting around in the dark doing nothing.

Video not available in this country it says! I checked dailymotion and this episode is also not on there.

I have all the Jeremy Bretts. I think we've discussed it here before - he put a huge amount of energy into being the Sherlock Holmes of the books. He was pretty ill at the end hence why he looks all puffy in the last series.

Worth a read: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeremy_Brett

# ? Aug 11, 2023 12:10

happyhippy: Feb 21, 2005; Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup; Pillbug

Jaeluni Asjil posted:

Video not available in this country it says! I checked dailymotion and this episode is also not on there.

I have all the Jeremy Bretts. I think we've discussed it here before - he put a huge amount of energy into being the Sherlock Holmes of the books. He was pretty ill at the end hence why he looks all puffy in the last series.

Worth a read: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeremy_Brett

Yeah, we did talk about him ages ago.

# ? Aug 11, 2023 12:24

Reveilled: Apr 19, 2007; Take up your rifles

smellmycheese posted:

Why is every character an upper class English person lmao. Demons talking like Prince Charles ffs. And Dwarfs should be Scottish

So far the only dwarf I've met had a northen irish accent, which I thought to be some inspired casting and from now on dwarves in my D&D games will no longer give quests, but will instead make legitimate and peaceful requests.

# ? Aug 11, 2023 12:35

fuctifino: Jun 11, 2001

The Face Nappy 'poet' man is back:

# ? Aug 11, 2023 12:36

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

Wait who is non-personing people, censoring books and TV, changing what people do with their washing, and dumbing down education?

Sounds like Ron DeSantis, but who in the UK?

# ? Aug 11, 2023 12:39