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Lord Harbor posted:At this point, lean into it. I know you're joking but anyone that puts their life savings into crypto can't be that smart. My dad is technology inept and even he figured out its trading real money for fake money.
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Oct 31, 2023 22:51
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I guess at this point “it’s everyone else’s fault for being stupid enough for fall for my obvious lies” is probably the best defense he could possibly have left
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Oct 31, 2023 22:57
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I mean that defense doesn’t work because consumer protections exist because people are stupid. If they weren’t stupid you wouldn’t need them
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Oct 31, 2023 22:58
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I’m not saying the defense would work, I’m saying it’s the best defense he’s got
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Oct 31, 2023 23:07
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Maybe you hope for jury nullification. How will my customers ever learn unless you let me keep all their money, if they're dumb as poo poo you must acquit!
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Oct 31, 2023 23:09
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Gutcruncher posted:I’m not saying the defense would work, I’m saying it’s the best defense he’s got 
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Oct 31, 2023 23:09
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Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. As the prosecution has proven beyond a reasonable doubt, my client is so obviously crooked that the only possible motivation to give him money is if they wanted him to keep it all. That makes it a gift, you can't be guilty of stealing a gift someone gave you!
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Oct 31, 2023 23:14
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Talorat posted:That one rules, I had no idea these were all by the same woman. All New York babyee, let's go yankees
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Oct 31, 2023 23:42
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Hardcastlemccormik posted:I didn’t know you could melt people in court rooms You swear in on a Bible for a reason.
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Nov 1, 2023 00:44
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The Bible posted:You swear in on a Bible for a reason. I thought that that was The Ark Of The Covenant
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Nov 1, 2023 02:34
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tango alpha delta posted:I thought that that was The Ark Of The Covenant Well, no one knows where that is so you make do.
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Nov 1, 2023 02:45
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Porfiriato posted:As far as trial artwork goes, nothing will top Ghislaine Maxwell angrily sketching the courtroom artist sketching her also by Jane Rosenberg:  man she really loves picture-in-picture 
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Nov 1, 2023 03:48
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Is that last one Neil deGrasse Tyson?
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Nov 1, 2023 04:58
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Pham Nuwen posted:That's the thing about The Onion, the whole story is told in the headline... Hell, you can usually get the joke from the URL alone. luckily there is no hell, cause I still think the funniest thing the onion has ever done was a headline with no article: "baby can feel daddy kick"
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Nov 1, 2023 05:00
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sick of Applebees posted:Is that last one Neil deGrasse Tyson? You mean on the left or the right?
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Nov 1, 2023 06:37
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Fate Accomplice posted:luckily there is no hell, cause I still think the funniest thing the onion has ever done was a headline with no article: "baby can feel daddy kick" Holy poo poo! 
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Nov 1, 2023 07:23
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Fate Accomplice posted:luckily there is no hell, cause I still think the funniest thing the onion has ever done was a headline with no article: "baby can feel daddy kick" Dear God
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Nov 1, 2023 07:27
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Pirate Radar posted:You mean on the left or the right? Guy on the right, who I also assume is the guy on the screen?
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Nov 1, 2023 08:11
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sick of Applebees posted:Guy on the right, who I also assume is the guy on the screen? I was joking, it’s the Rev. Al Sharpton. The screen also says REV AL SHARPTON on it.
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Nov 1, 2023 08:19
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Well now I feel dumb
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Nov 1, 2023 08:48
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Fate Accomplice posted:luckily there is no hell, cause I still think the funniest thing the onion has ever done was a headline with no article: "baby can feel daddy kick"
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Nov 1, 2023 11:31
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Fate Accomplice posted:luckily there is no hell, cause I still think the funniest thing the onion has ever done was a headline with no article: "baby can feel daddy kick" It's a hard tie between "Archaeologists Discover Ancient Race of Skeleton People" and "Jurisprudence Fetishist Gets Off On Technicality".
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Nov 1, 2023 11:59
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The roughest onion headline ever is hands down “School Bully Not So Tough Since Being Molested”
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Nov 1, 2023 12:56
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Nov 1, 2023 13:02
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"Win A $10,000 Mall Of America Dream Shooting Spree!" is a pretty rough chuckle in its own right
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Nov 1, 2023 13:11
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This was maybe one of the first issues I ever saw. The top story is "Poll: 73% of Americans Can No Longer Believe This poo poo" and the story below that is something like Everyone Involved In Pizza's Ordering, Making, Delivery, Consumption Extremely High"
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Nov 1, 2023 15:13
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more falafel please posted:This was maybe one of the first issues I ever saw. The top story is "Poll: 73% of Americans Can No Longer Believe This poo poo" and the story below that is something like Everyone Involved In Pizza's Ordering, Making, Delivery, Consumption Extremely High" Ive always enjoyed the photo for the pizza on 
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Nov 1, 2023 15:19
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i still chuckle at "jurisprudence fetishist gets off on technicality" every now and then e:f,b. still good tho
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Nov 1, 2023 15:31
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my all time fave
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Nov 1, 2023 16:07
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zetamind2000 posted:"Win A $10,000 Mall Of America Dream Shooting Spree!" is a pretty rough chuckle in its own right The roughest, most brutal LOL from The Onion, imho (TW: Suicide):  A close second: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJkWS4t4l0k
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Nov 1, 2023 20:02
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Porfiriato posted:As far as trial artwork goes, nothing will top Ghislaine Maxwell angrily sketching the courtroom artist sketching her Foo Diddley posted:if this isn't the best courtroom sketch of all time, it's def in the top 5
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Nov 1, 2023 20:21
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Porfiriato posted:As far as trial artwork goes, nothing will top Ghislaine Maxwell angrily sketching the courtroom artist sketching her lmao
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Nov 1, 2023 20:33
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Discovering Jane Rosenberg is one of the best things I've gotten out of this thread so far.
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Nov 1, 2023 20:48
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Ooh I found another one: From a whole article about her
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Nov 1, 2023 20:51
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cruft posted:Ooh I found another one: 
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Nov 1, 2023 20:53
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Honestly, more places should ban photography so we can get more sketch art of newsworthy events instead.
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Nov 1, 2023 20:53
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The ones she did of Ghislaine Maxwell are compelling. In nearly every sketch, Maxwell looks like wants the artist to roll over and die.
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Nov 1, 2023 20:59
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Now I wanna see Maxwell's drawings.
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Nov 1, 2023 21:14
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The Bible posted:Well, no one knows where that is so you make do. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church_of_Our_Lady_Mary_of_Zion quote:The guardian monk is appointed for life by his predecessor before the predecessor dies. If the incumbent guardian dies without naming a successor, then the monks of the monastery hold an election to select the new guardian. The guardian then is confined to the chapel of the Ark of the Covenant for the rest of his life, praying before it and offering incense.
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Nov 1, 2023 21:26
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Agents are GO! posted:The roughest, most brutal LOL from The Onion, imho (TW: Suicide): Holy loving poo poo 
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Nov 1, 2023 21:34
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