Anonymous Zebra posted:

I know you guys are rightfully credulous, but Reddit relationship posts are full of some absolutely wild poo poo from people who have strange ideas that would have been sounded off on and corrected by close friends before the existence of the internet, but which end up getting posted for thousands to read now that Reddit exists. It's how you end up with a woman thinking men have barbs on their dicks and that sex hurts all the way up to her wedding reception. Or how you have a guy asking Reddit whether every family keeps a poop knife over their toilet, etc etc.

Kit Walker posted:

Yeah I dunno, I imagine if you're having any kind of sex at all with someone with a dick you'd probably find out pretty quickly what masturbation and ejaculation must sound like. The camsite theory is just something other posters came up with, but I imagine if it's playing loud enough it's waking up babies the next room over, you'd also be able to hear the actual performer making noise. Also I refuse to believe there's a teen that's dumb enough to watch porn with the sound on regularly while their guardians are home

Anonymous Zebra posted:

I know you guys are rightfully credulous, but Reddit relationship posts are full of some absolutely wild poo poo from people who have strange ideas that would have been sounded off on and corrected by close friends before the existence of the internet, but which end up getting posted for thousands to read now that Reddit exists. It's how you end up with a woman thinking men have barbs on their dicks and that sex hurts all the way up to her wedding reception. Or how you have a guy asking Reddit whether every family keeps a poop knife over their toilet, etc etc.

ChubbyChecker posted:

or it's fiction for idiots

ChubbyChecker posted:

or it's fiction for idiots

Inceltown posted:

The r/r thread eventually puzzled it out to be the noise you hear when someone tips a camgirl iirc.

DACK FAYDEN posted:

wtf my guess all this time has been "he had a belt buckle clinking against a bathroom tile floor"

Lemniscate Blue posted:

HPanda posted:

And her assumption was that men cum quarters I guess? And she just never thought maybe that’s incorrect.

Can’t tell if this woman must have had a boring sex life or an amazing one if she continued to believe that metal shoots out of men as they climax.

Anonymous Zebra posted:

I think the reason that Reddit post is so perennial is that it always gets people so invested in WTF the sound she was describing is. It's maddening, and people get really invested in their theories of what she meant.

Splicer posted:

This thread is like that story of the deaf kids finding out that farts make noise.

Splicer posted:

There's nothing to puzzle out! If you're doing repetitive vigorous motion on something with moving parts then it makes noise. She's used to the slight sounds of someone being stealthy with the occasional "...poo poo did anyone hear that?" pause and was unprepared for the frantic no holds barred flailing of a kid who's too horny to realise how much noise he's making.

Like this is either incredibly obvious or I pity your poor, hopefully deaf parents.

OwlFancier posted:

When you nut it sounds like a fusilier regiment firing a volley.

OwlFancier posted:

smdh if ur teenage wanking habits have not permanently broken your sexual expression so that it's like loving a particularly unemotive sack of rocks.

Tobermory posted:

Hyperlynx posted:

Don't jizz until you see the whites of their eyes!

Splicer posted:

There's nothing to puzzle out! If you're doing repetitive vigorous motion on something with moving parts then it makes noise. She's used to the slight sounds of someone being stealthy with the occasional "...poo poo did anyone hear that?" pause and was unprepared for the frantic no holds barred flailing of a kid who's too horny to realise how much noise he's making.

Like this is either incredibly obvious or I pity your poor, hopefully deaf parents.

Anonymous Zebra posted:

See, I'd argue that most dudes are mystical ninjas when it comes to jerking it, basically making no sound at all in the process. Especially if you live in a very small house with a large family, where you need to stealth masturbate. What makes that post so funny is not that she says that he makes noise while jacking off, but that specifically his ejaculation sounds like coins falling into a jar and that the same is true for her husband. It's an incredibly bizarre post, which very well may be just a really good troll, and that's why so many people get wrapped up in trying to decode it.

It's very similar to that other pre-Reddit thread from ages ago where some kid is outraged while trying to describe his mother taking his sister and himself to the doctor to weigh them by dipping them in tubs of water. I remember that thread breaking people too, because it feels like you're trying to decode a mystery but the OP is doing nothing to clarify their bizarre statements.

Anonymous Zebra posted:

It's very similar to that other pre-Reddit thread from ages ago where some kid is outraged while trying to describe his mother taking his sister and himself to the doctor to weigh them by dipping them in tubs of water. I remember that thread breaking people too, because it feels like you're trying to decode a mystery but the OP is doing nothing to clarify their bizarre statements.

quote:

My mom called my doctor and said to him "What's the most accurate measurement for weighing?"
The doctor said "An underwater weighing test"
And just like that, my mom said "Yes. When can my son and my daughter can take it?" and the doc said "Today at 2pm."

So, I didn't bother taking a shower and so did my sister too, so I had to get into a special swimming suit(tight pants...Ugh).

My sister said "Can I pull my hair down to a ponytail?" The doctor said "No."
So my sister with her long, blonde hair went underwater with 8 seconds and had she must enjoyed it..but I didn't.

quote:

My sister had to wear pants and a bra, so she enjoyed minutes of going underwater.

I didn't take a shower and she didn't too.

Before she got into the tank, you see girls 'pretend' to pull their hair into ponytails, but they don't. That's what she did.

quote:

You want a detailed summary of what happened today? Alright, here goes:

My mom wanted to do something instead of weighing myself on a scale. She heard about a underwater weighing test from my doctor last year and she wanted to give it a try to both, myself and my sister.

She called the doctor and wanted to schedule an appointment for my sister and I and today was the only day they could get us in. So my mom told both of us you don't need to take a shower if you don't want to(since I got up at 12pm and she got up at 12:30p.m.)

It goes on from there with the underwater weighing at the doctor's office.

quote:

My sister constantly talks about her hair. "Should I wash it?" "Should I pull my hair up or leave it down?" Stuff like that.

It wasn't my idea to take this underwater weighing thing. The doctor puts you in a tank (and I didn't have a shower), makes you do certain things of breathing, and you put your head underwater for a few seconds. Not hard at all.

quote:

To answer you question, before my sister and I got into the tank, the doctor did a basic weight test then I got into the tank and did some breathing excerises to see how my lungs would be situated underwater. Then the doctor took the temperature of the water inside the tank. After I taken my underwater tests, I had to stick my head underwater for 8 seconds and it was done. 30 minutes its all it take.

quote:

About the topic title:

I have a life on an off day from school. I didn't expect to go to my doctor's office and take an underwater weighing test. That said with my sister. I wasn't mad at my mom for doing this, but if she would've let me know about it days in advance, then it would be okay.

quote:

About the hair:

Everytime I go swimming at the YMCA, I see girls having their hair down and it doesn't disrupt them when they are swimming because it would get in the way, wouldn't it?

Anonymous Zebra posted:

See, I'd argue that most dudes are mystical ninjas when it comes to jerking it, basically making no sound at all in the process. Especially if you live in a very small house with a large family, where you need to stealth masturbate. What makes that post so funny is not that she says that he makes noise while jacking off, but that specifically his ejaculation sounds like coins falling into a jar and that the same is true for her husband. It's an incredibly bizarre post, which very well may be just a really good troll, and that's why so many people get wrapped up in trying to decode it.

It's very similar to that other pre-Reddit thread from ages ago where some kid is outraged while trying to describe his mother taking his sister and himself to the doctor to weigh them by dipping them in tubs of water. I remember that thread breaking people too, because it feels like you're trying to decode a mystery but the OP is doing nothing to clarify their bizarre statements.

Splicer posted:

The kid was autistic and hated taking showers or otherwise getting wet. He had the day off from school because his mom was taking him and his sister for a checkup. Since he wasn't going to school his mom said he didn't have to shower. Part of the checkup was hydrostatic weighing. He was mad because his mom "bait and switched" him by allowing him to think he was escaping having to shower when she knew he'd get wet anyway.

He knew his sister enjoyed going to the pool. He knew that girls sometimes hold their hair up out of the way of water or hold it up to wash it. He knew that they don't do that while hanging around in the pool. So he decided that you can tell if a girl is enjoying being in water by whether or not they're holding their hair up. The doctor told her not to hold her hair up. Since she was in the water wearing a swimsuit and not holding her hair up, by his reasoning she probably had a good time, making his bad time even more unfair by comparison.

Life has fewer mysteries than people think, sorry.

TITTIEKISSER69 posted:

freeedr posted:

freeedr posted: