Foo Diddley posted:

i mean if you think about it, there's really no other story that makes sense

quote:

Fiancé and I have been going thru various up and downs. We have been together for almost 4 years, and living together for 3. This year is the first year where we lived together most of the time, previously she traveled for her job.

Recently we have been doing good in therapy but my gaming habit is too much for her. I'm asking to be able to play whenever we don't have plans or during the weekdays if its not too busy to be able to play 4 or 5 hours at night after dinner.

She doesn't agree with that, her reasoning is that she is bored and lonely while I'm gaming. Instead she wants for us to sit in bed and just be on our phones, which doesn't work for me. She is proposing to give me 1 - 2 hours daily for my gaming needs, but my issue is that I don't even game daily and when I game I do not want someone timing how long I am playing.

For the people that are going to say I neglect her, in my opinion I do not, I only game when we do not have plans, and we go out about once a week and both saturday/sunday. All the house chores are done daily and bills are paid.

*For her this is non negotiable, gaming for more than a few hours its unacceptable.

Gosh as I write this, its such a teenager problem. This might be my last straw.

tl;dr I need to be able to enjoy my free timing gaming whenever I want when we do not have plans in advance. Fiance says I'm not allowed and there is no wiggle room.

Example: Yesterday we went to the beach, today we spend the day with her family members. I told her I was planning to play with my friends for a few hours tonight, she said I can only gaming for an hour and a half. I feel so bleh. Sounds like my parents talking to me when I was 12.

quote:

My (23f) boyfriend (24m) have been together for 4 years, and we’ve lived together for about 8 months. I always knew he liked gaming, but he never really did it when we were hanging out so I didn’t know the extent of his habit until we moved in together.

I don’t really like video games, but I’ll dabble here and there. I own a switch, but I don’t play that often. I bought it thinking I could get into gaming and it would be something we would have in common, but I just generally don’t enjoy gaming, and I’m not very good at it. He also has said he isn’t really interested in playing with me, which is fine. The games that work with my skill ability are not what he would want to do. I get that.

But he spends all of his free time gaming. That is not a joke. He doesn’t watch tv or movies, he doesn’t lay around, if he is not working he is playing games. When we first moved in together and I noticed how much time he spent gaming, I asked him to spend a little bit more time with me because literally the only time he spent interacting with me was during meals. He got defensive and acted like I was trying to get between him and his friends, and basically told me that it’s not his fault that I’m bored and I need to find something to do on my own.

I thought it was something I could live with. Everyone has their interests and hobbies, but I honestly feel like this is excessive. He only spends time with me when I ask and as soon as we are done doing whatever thing (watching an episode, doing a craft, whatever) he immediately goes back to playing his games. To me, it’s just not attractive. I’m not making fun of him or trying to be mean, I just honestly don’t find that type of behavior/interest/activity attractive.

It’s taking it’s toll on our relationship. We rarely spend time together and when we do, I’m not really interested in any of what he wants to talk about. Things that I probably would have found funny about him before just annoy me now.

I guess my question is... how can I bring back the spark when he’s so committed to something I don’t find attractive? I don’t want to break up, but I don’t know if things can ever be the same as they were before we moved in together.

TL;DR: My boyfriend games all the time and it’s causing me to be less interested in him and the relationship. How do I bring the spark back?

Vim Fuego posted:

Vim Fuego posted:

Is my (26M) request for gaming too much ? (31F)

Vim Fuego posted:

And from the other side...

Nebrilos posted:

Why is it important to his girlfriend that they both silently look at their phones while in the same room together, not acknowledging each other at all? How is it different from him gaming and her looking at her phone?

mllaneza posted:

I'd like to introduce you to the concept of an "unreliable narrator". His judgement on his GF's alternative to him spending every possible minute of his day playing video games with his friends might, just might, be completely unrelated to what she actually asked for.

Lottery of Babylon posted:

quote:

I told him that even though she made an honest mistake 

Shanghaied posted:

Friend sounds like an rear end in a top hat, but lmao what "honest mistake"? She wanted to prank him, which is an rear end in a top hat thing to do. He overreacted, but that doesn't make her less of an rear end in a top hat.

Shanghaied posted:

Friend sounds like an rear end in a top hat, but lmao what "honest mistake"? She wanted to prank him, which is an rear end in a top hat thing to do. He overreacted, but that doesn't make her less of an rear end in a top hat.

quote:

quote:

So my friend is generally sexist but we tolerate him for his other qualities.

StrangersInTheNight posted:

But like why would cocktails be so important to you that you'd be willing to feed someone a substance without consent

StrangersInTheNight posted:

But like why would cocktails be so important to you that you'd be willing to feed someone a substance without consent

Shanghaied posted:

Friend sounds like an rear end in a top hat, but lmao what "honest mistake"? She wanted to prank him, which is an rear end in a top hat thing to do. He overreacted, but that doesn't make her less of an rear end in a top hat.

Halloween Jack posted:

She thought he was kidding when he asked if the cocktail had alcohol in it, assuming he wasn't actually stupid enough to think that people drink juice out of stemware. He was.

Hattie Masters posted:

She secretly hated the guy and thought that alcohol and him would be like getting a vampire to drink holy water?

quote:

My ex and I have 2 kids, 16M Micah and 14F Hanna. Micah is my wife's bio child and my adopted son, Hanna is our bio child.

My ex always favoured Micah and spoiled him so much that he has turned into a very unlikeable person. I used to really love him when he was a kid but now I don't really like him. He is a bully at school ( my ex believes that he is just kidding and other students are "too soft") and also at home he bullies Hanna. He also doesn't do any chires and believes these are women's job and he just sits in front of the tv all day, watching and eating and expects his sister to do everything for him. I tried to discipline him but my ex made it impossible because she vetoed all of my decisions

I hate to admit it but after the divorce Hanna and I were relieved that we didn't have to live with him anymore. I told my ex that I want full custody of Hanna(where we live she is old enough to choose) and she can have Micah to herself.

They think I'm an rear end in a top hat for abandoning Micah

quote:

I (23m) lost my dad when I was 8 and my mom remarried "Tony" a little over a year later (14 months to be exact). Over the years Tony and I clashed. He wanted to adopt me, to change my last name to his and told me repeatedly to call him dad. I didn't want that and the adoption petition was denied by two judges after I spoke to one of them. Neither were happy with the outcome but I was relieved.

Tony and my mom have three daughters together, my half sisters. Tony tried to use the birth of the first one to convince me to give taking his name a chance. He said it would tie us all together. I told him the connection to my dad was more important than being tied to them. He told me I hated my last name just like my dad had, so wanted to know why I was so stubborn when I could have a better last name. I told him it was my dad's name and I wanted to keep it.

When I was 17/18 I realized mom and Tony were lying to my half sisters and telling them Tony was my dad but I was just born before he and mom got married, which is why I had a different last name. They even convinced the girls I look like Tony. I told my mom I knew and as soon as I graduated high school I moved out and told her not to expect me to be a part of the family anymore. My mom told me I was overreacting and I should have been kinder to Tony and given him a chance. I told her there is no replacing dad and they needed to get over that wish, because pushing the adoption, name change and calling him dad was only going to look like replacing dad.

My wife and I got married a couple of years ago. We had a very small, private wedding because of Covid. I did not invite my mom or her family. However, for the last few months we had more contact and she told me she wanted to be a grandma to our now 5 month old son. We have met up 3 times since my son was born. The first time mom and Tony both had a bad reaction to my son's name. He's named after my dad. But not the name people called my dad. The name my dad wished he'd had and the name he wrote for himself. Tony also made a snarky comment about me taking my wife's name when I wouldn't take his.

The last time we saw each other was two weeks ago. That time and the time before it my half sister's asked why I didn't name my baby after their dad, why I named him after someone who died, etc. Last time I told them Tony wasn't my dad, my son was named after my actual dad and that's why we chose the name we did. They told me I was wrong and said he should have been named after Tony. Mom and Tony both sat there almost smiling.

I sent them both a message afterward saying if they don't nip the girls comments in the bud we won't be seeing each other again and I don't care if that upsets them or not. They replied that the girls have a right to their questions and comments and I can't take "their grandson" away from them. They also said I was behaving childishly. I wish I had never started contact back up with them at all. AITA?

Halloween Jack posted:

She thought he was kidding when he asked if the cocktail had alcohol in it, assuming he wasn't actually stupid enough to think that people drink juice out of stemware. He was.

Vim Fuego posted:

Is my (26M) request for gaming too much ? (31F)

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITA for telling my mom and her husband that they need to nip my half sisters comments about my son's name in the bud or the consequences will be severe?+

quote:

They replied that the girls have a right to their questions and comments and I can't take "their grandson" away from them.

Cowslips Warren posted:

much like the bs post 9/11 when American soldiers meme'd about wiping bacon grease on bullets so the Muslims they killed wouldn't go to Paradise when they died? or was that Snoped out?

99% of religion seems to be finding loopholes for your 1000 rules. 1% is faith in the creator of choice.


I don't know the rules about Uber but could he have Ubered her the keys in a box, or would that be more of a DoorDash thing?

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITA for "abandoning" my adoptive son?

mllaneza posted:

A. An interesting tool for security researchers.
B. An annoying tool for annoying tools like this rear end in a top hat.

quote:

My wife and I have been married for 10 years (heterosexual couple). We are in our mid-30s, have two young kids, and are both active, busy professionals without any underlying health conditions. We have a wonderful relationship and usually have sex around four to five times per week.

I have a higher sex drive than she does, but she’s generally pretty open to engaging when I initiate. However, we have this dynamic where I initiate the vast majority of the time (over 90 percent). While she says she loves having sex with me (she is one of the lucky women who climaxes easily), and I am always very attentive to her needs and desires, being the initiator as often as I am makes me feel unwanted and a bother. For one, when I ask for sex I will get turned down about one-fourth of the time.

Contrastingly, on the off chance she initiates, I virtually never turn it down. This creates a weird dynamic where it is like she is the keeper of all things sex. I am very satisfied with the frequency and the sex in and of itself, just not the initiation element. To be clear, I don’t want her to initiate all the time, but something close to 50/50 would be ideal. I bring this up with my wife every so often, and she says she understands and will make an effort for a few weeks and then it kind of goes back to the baseline. Is there anything I can do to change this dynamic?

quote:

The current setup you describe is the workaround. You have a higher sex drive than your wife, and you’re surprised that you do most of the initiating? Accept it as a given and be thankful that you have a partner who says yes as much as yours does. You’re batting a .750. Unwanted and a bother? You have sex four or five times a week, 10 years into your relationship. This is impressive from virtually any perspective, including that of time management. This robust sex life you have is a product of your dynamic. It’s not perfect, according to your standards, but your standards are unrealistic. I certainly don’t recommend fixing something that is so well-oiled, it’s dripping.

You claim that your wife is something like the “keeper of all things sex.” If you believe in consent, you believe that your wife has agency and gets to say no whenever and for whatever reason. She’s not so much the keeper of sex as she is the boss of her own body. I’d hazard a guess that, given the disparity in libido here, she’s agreed to have sex with you at times when she hasn’t been necessarily thinking about wanting sex at that moment, or in fact, not especially horny. But she went through with it anyway, perhaps figuring she’d get into it as you both went. The sex wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t asked for it, in those cases. Your will manifested it. Who’s keeping what now?

I think you should focus on being happy with what you have. Don’t badger your wife. Keep things respectful. If your sex life, as you know it, does in fact require you to be the initiator most of the time, try to not get caught up in what it all means and how the principle of the situation is fundamentally unfair. Take the lead and have the sex.

quote:

If she really 'held the key' to your sex life you'd be getting 1/3rd the sex you are currently.

quote:

Ten bucks says she's doing all the mental and emotional labor in the house. Potentially (probably) the physical labor. If you're thinking about running the household, potentially having a job as well, and whatever menial tasks fall to the mom... well, there's less room to think about loving.

quote:

But he's doing all the sexual labor!

quote:

Your wife is a woman.

trickybiscuits posted:

My Wife Holds the Magic Key to Sex Just Out of My Reach

trickybiscuits posted:

My Wife Holds the Magic Key to Sex Just Out of My Reach

quote:

Ten bucks says she's doing all the mental and emotional labor in the house. Potentially (probably) the physical labor. If you're thinking about running the household, potentially having a job as well, and whatever menial tasks fall to the mom... well, there's less room to think about loving.

Cowslips Warren posted:

much like the bs post 9/11 when American soldiers meme'd about wiping bacon grease on bullets so the Muslims they killed wouldn't go to Paradise when they died? or was that Snoped out?

trickybiscuits posted:

My Wife Holds the Magic Key to Sex Just Out of My Reach

quote:

My parents are very "traditional," and I am more of the "white sheep" of the family. I don't really look like a lot of my family and have always gone against the grain.

Starting when I was a teen, I knew what path I wanted to take for my future. It was not what my parents wanted so they fought back but we ended up with an agreement that I thought wouldn't matter and that was if I wasn't married in 10 years after I started college they would arrange a marriage. I figured they were joking, and there was a thought that there is no way I'll be single in 10 years.

I have had some flings, but nothing serious. Up to this point, I have been driven to get to where I am now. In my dream career, I am stable, self-sufficient, with no debt, and becoming successful.

There has been no talk about it throughout the years, and I thought it was forgotten. Until my older sister said she was coming back this week for an event. She lives several states over. I don't get to see her as much anymore. We are close and talk a bunch. But all has been normal with nothing being said or hinted to at this point.

I went to pick her up from the airport and noticed she had 3 fancy dresses. One was a very traditional dress used for engagements, weddings, or other similar events. The other two were really formal dresses. When I questioned it, they said don't worry about it, then later said it was for an agreement. She used the word agreement.

I dropped her off at our parents' house and they wouldn't let me in the house. But there were a bunch of cars and I saw decorations in the house. They kicked me out and said they would talk to me later. This was two days ago. Now they invited me to dinner for Thursday and told me to dress "like I was receiving a reward for all my hard work." Rough translation.

It is driving me crazy that I'm basically being blocked out and am nervous about what Thursday holds. The only agreement I can thank about is the arranged marriage. I asked my sister again if that was what it is about, and she said not to worry too much about it but then added that our parents do notice things and wouldn't leave me with a stranger. These are all odd comments that are making me paranoid.

I don't know if my sister is slipping information or is just pushing my buttons and making go crazy.

Am I just crazy?

Those who have been in arranged marriages what was it like? How did it come up? I feel like this is not normal if this is what it is. Should I not go? Skip town?

I have driven by their house, and there is still a bunch of cars and activity. But every time I get close, my mom calls me out and says to come back Thursday. My sister is sent to basically act as a body gard.

Edit I am reading your replies, but when I try to post a comment, it says reddit is having issues. Please try again later. Answering some comments Nope, not fake. Believe it or not, it is my life. I'm a man. This is heavily cultural based as well. If I don't show up and it is an engagement, then there would be major backlash. For me, my parents and family. I would hold it past some of the elders to blame health issues on me because of it. I could be shunned and outcast because of it, depending on how much "effort" and time were put into it. I can't lie and tell them about a girlfriend because my sister knows I'm not seeing anyone. We talked about it earlier. Work is close for the US holiday.

I don't know how to feel.

quote:

Hello people. I hope this is how you do updates.

Quick recap (original on my profile) I when I was a teen, I was not the ideal "traditional" son my parents expected of me. I knew what I wanted to do and the path I would take. Parents and I made a loose agreement that if I was single in 10 years after high school, they would arrange a marriage. 2 weeks ago, they were being sketchy. My sister flew in with traditional wedding dress among 2 other fancy dresses. Made some comments about an agreement and other things that made me freak out and think I was getting a forced marriage.

Wow, I didn't expect the number of comments. Thank you all for your words and opinions. The most common things I saw were RUN, hide, fake sickness, bring a (fake) girlfriend, and the comments about the culture and lifestyle I wanted moving forward. (We are currently in the US)

Hopefully, I fixed the "something went wrong" or "reddit is unavailable." Please try again." So I can comment.

Okay, long story short, I'm not married or engaged. But I am kinda dating someone, I guess.

So the day after I posted, I got off work early and sat down with my bodyguard of a sister after she found me. I knew I could crack her if I put on enough pressure.

We met up for lunch. I got her to talk. She said that the original plan that she knew of was that my parents were going to do the forced marriage/ engagement thing on me. But she got them to agree to an intent party. I think you can call it. But I still didn't believe her. So I took it to my parents. Quick thing about my sister is that she is older and had an "arranged marriage." They were secretly dating at the time.

I told my parents that they needed to come over to my place. They wanted to blow me off, but after some choice words, they came.

I asked them what was happening. They tried to deflect and deny. I eventually told them that I would not get married or engaged unless I wanted to. I know we made an agreement, but terms have changed. If they wanted to force the issue, I would go to the party with someone else and act way out of character. I will also be very disrespectful and bring dishonor to our family. Then I would cut them off and go no contact. Of course, they did not like that. They tried to say I wouldn't do that again and went on for a bit. I finally asked if they wanted to risk it and if they wanted to see and test me.

In the end, they were still very vague and said I would not be forced married or engaged. They promise it would be my choice in the end. They said to trust them. I laughed and said right now my trust is 0. They pleaded with me to just show up, and I said I would.

I was going to have the backup GF on stand by (like 90%of people said), but I couldn't get anyone on short notice. One person I called said they had a family obligation party they had to attend.

So, the day of I dressed nice but not traditional or overly fancy. I parked in a way that would allow a me quick getaway. If needed. I walked into their house, and there were a ton of people. My extended family was there, parents friends, and others from the community, basically like 40-60 people.

My sister noticed me first and then guided me to our parents and they were talking to some old family friends. As the "party" progressed, I started to relax. When I ran into the friend that had "family obligations." Her parents were the ones that my parents were talking to basically the whole time. She was told to come at a later time than I was. We got to talking, and we put 2 and 2 together. We noticed both parents kept looking at us and smiling. We both had an "Oh poo poo" moment.

These old family friends of ours were always around. They have a daughter that we grew up close with but when life got in the way (schooling, jobs) we drifted apart and didn't hang out as much since I went to school a few states away and she did as well.

The worst part of this whole thing was they made speeches about "two families coming together." "Hopefully this is the start of a happy relationship."By this time next year, we might be grandparents." That last one made me mad. I definitely felt like they were putting pressure. So I did say that in the end it is our decision as individuals IF we decided to see each other, date, get married, or have children. That did not go over well. We had a duty and responsibility to listen, respect, and obey them.

I told them that that way of thing is old fashioned and outdated. Times have changed.

My sister stepped up and had our back. She also said that the times are changing and that our life is our life. She also said that most of the people in the room are unhappy in their marriages and are hypocritical in their ideals about marriage. Specifically, she called out like half of the people in the room (my mom is the gossip queen). That is also when she took the opportunity to announce she was getting a divorce like most of them should instead of being unhappy and resentful in unfulfilled marriages that others pushed on them. Some drama and big arguments later, my sister, Kay (family finding/ possible girlfriend), and I left early. We all went back to my place and spent the rest of the night talking and ignoring our phones. My sister apologized about hijacking our party and taking the spotlight.

The drama and fallout has Been Rough. But Kay and I have been talking and hanging out. Like I said previously, we used to be good friends. We caught up a bunch, and she was telling me that she is moving back to the area for a job opportunity and would like to hang out more. As much as I hate the circumstances of our reunion, I really like her. I think I might ask her out officially. She has to go back and finish up her moving process, but she is an amazing woman. Our views and opinions about most things align. We have good conversations and debates over silly topics. It has been like we are both teens again.

As for my sister, she said her and her husband have been separated for a while now because he is "not loyal and made vows he and his dick couldn't/ didn't keep." She also apologized for the deception and the blow-up again. This has made us closer as siblings. I dropped her off at the airport the other day. We have also been talking daily.

As for me, I might move slightly farther away. I'm also in low contact with most of my family and people from the party. I also had to unload people who I thought were my friends. That has been rough.

My parents had keys to my place and showed up one day. I got them out and agreed to meet up and their house later as I was headed out. When I went to their house, I stole my keys back. It was a bit funny when they tried to come back in and they couldn't find the key. I put on an electronic lock on it since, and I know they won't know how to work it even if I showed them 1000 times.

I'm not sure where things will go in the future. Thanks!

Edit: I would like to point out that this has happened over a week. I made it so that the major point got hit but left out a bunch of informational details. In regards to my sister, she was left in the dark and only was given details over time. I believe it is called trickle truthing? After she got here is when she got the truth and convinced them to change the party. She was very angry at our parents. Then she explained that the decision to blow up was impulsive and liberating.

Cowslips Warren posted:

much like the bs post 9/11 when American soldiers meme'd about wiping bacon grease on bullets so the Muslims they killed wouldn't go to Paradise when they died? or was that Snoped out?

Gnoman posted:

It existed as a meme, but there's no evidence that anybody's actually done it or the other pig-based humiliations described in such memes.

quote:

Jihawg Ammo, the company started by Brendon and Julie Hill of Coer D'Alene, Idaho, sells boxes of gun cartridges that are made with pork products and advertised as being a deterrent to potential terrorists who may not eat pork because of their religious beliefs.

quote:

However, Shannon Dunn, assistant professor of religious studies at Gonzaga University, said South Fork’s concept is based on an inaccurate understanding of the Quran.

“There is no penalty for coming into contact with pork given by the Quran,” she said, pointing to verses that prohibit the consumption of pork and carrion that are reminiscent of Jewish dietary laws outlined in Leviticus.

“To my knowledge, Muslims, especially unknowingly, would not be banned from heaven for eating or getting hit by pork,” she said. “There are some interpreters who suggest that Muslims should eat pork rather than starve, if faced with that alternative.”

Haschel Cedricson posted:

C. I work in a school and kind of want one now.

CzarChasm posted:

Jihawg Ammo was apparently as real a thing as hell world will allow.

As usual, ignorant morons take away the worst lessons from the lowest common denominator bits of information, and even if these were a thing, they wouldn't produce the desired results

quote:

I'll try ro make this as brief as possible. I've asked a couple of people already but the jury is split here. I'm 9 yrs older than my wife. I'm also almost at my retirement age. 3 years left.

First background. I (40ish M) am divorced and have remarried after 8 years. Marriage 1 went south because the ex is a complete narcissist, hypochondriac and basically went asexual on me shortly after marriage. I'd be forced to go 3 plus months without intimacy and the excuse was always varying but always medical in nature.

Fast forward to wife 2. During courtship I made it perfectly clear that I need regular intimacy. Not only do I enjoy it but it's how i connect with my significant other. She told me that basically she was always in th3 mood and Intimacy wouldn't be an issue. She wasn't as active as she claimed but more than what I was used to so i accepted it. Once we got engaged, the tl;dr version of events is that she lied about how many ppl she'd been with (I didn't care, but I did care that a good number of them are people that i work with and on occasion have to supervise). Also she claimed to have not have a gag reflex and actually enjoyed giving oral sex.

So we've been married now for a about a half of a year. And every time I attempt to initiate something there's an excuse. Too tired. Doesn't feel well. Afraid the kids will hear (she doesn't care about the kids hearing when she's in the mood. Only when I am. But we aren't loud regardless. We usually wait till they're distracted with something on the other end of the house and then turn up the TV in the room. They are also 12 and 11 so they are fully capable of being unsupervised for a little bit). I've resorted to just ketting her dictate the pace because clearly what I think are hints or signs aren't. So argument began when inwas getting ready to go into work and she told me I missed an opportunity. I told her that she needs to verbalize it for me because I've been rejected too many times now ro want to initiate. She got upset and told me to list specific instances. I don't hold grudges for most things and I certainly don't commit them to memory so intold her just about every time I tried this month. I also reminded her that a person has to engage in lots of oral sex to lose the gag reflex and I reminded her that I've only gotten to experience it twice in nearly 4 years of being with her and not for lack of asking. So I've conceded to the fact that intimacy will only occur when and how she's ready for it and I refuse to ask or even attempt to initiate it. Am I wrong?