(Thread IKs:
OwlFancier)
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His Divine Shadow posted:I've never had these (don't think they are sold in Finland) but if we take flamin hot cheetos as a benchmark, how do these rank in comparison? significantly spicier, also way more crisp
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Dec 17, 2023 22:09
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fuctifino posted:https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2023/dec/17/rishi-sunak-intervened-to-ensure-vip-helicopter-contract-was-not-cancelled It probably makes him feel really important because he is a small, pathetic man.
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Dec 17, 2023 22:17
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I mean if I'm prime minister and they try to take away my helicopters I'm defo putting a stop to that.
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Dec 17, 2023 22:27
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We should encourage the rich to use helicopters more often.
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Dec 17, 2023 22:32
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Another Paul Mason wannabe. Desperate for a candidacy. https://x.com/JasonReidUK/status/1736405759930327102?s=20
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Dec 17, 2023 22:36
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You, a boring Liberal: Comparing Israel to the Nazi's is antisemitic. Israel: https://twitter.com/Sisyphusa/status/1736491946133102738
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Dec 17, 2023 22:47
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Lol I don't know Eddie's pronouns so apologies but I'm assuming she(?) But wtf is she doing? I remember watching her on like the one show or something 10 years ago maybe and she was just like I could be London mayor, I'm good enough. We ok but why do you want to be? No reason. Just pure ego.
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Dec 17, 2023 22:47
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Dec 17, 2023 23:01
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Scorchio!!! 
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Dec 17, 2023 23:42
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2023 eddie izzard is the double of my 1990s french teacher
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Dec 18, 2023 00:12
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crispix posted:2023 eddie izzard is the double of my 1990s french teacher No that's my PE teacher. I guess he got around.
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Dec 18, 2023 00:15
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Anyone who wants to be a Labour candidate in this day and age immediately drops to the dog poo poo level in my estimations. Scratch that, at least dog poo poo is good for when someone you don’t like steps in it
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Dec 18, 2023 01:07
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Suzy Izzard does manage to piss the TERFs off, which would have been nice.
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Dec 18, 2023 01:58
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Happy 3rd Anniversary of “Captain Tom getting Covid so his grasping family could enjoy a Caribbean freebie” Day to all who celebrate. 
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Dec 18, 2023 09:09
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She is a spitting image and probable likeness in Character to Janice from the Sopranos
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Dec 18, 2023 09:29
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things i always pack for my holidays: my medals
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Dec 18, 2023 09:38
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quote:... even small insects like us knew that “Captain” was not a very exalted rank and only a person with little else to boast about would hang it on their parent in civilian life. It was bad enough to keep calling someone “Major” after it was all over, but “Captain” was the bottoms.
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Dec 18, 2023 09:42
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NotJustANumber99 posted:things i always pack for my holidays: my medals "I served as an IK in the forum wars. This one is the Iron Banhammer I got for staying up all night and probating enemies. Some of them came back after 6 hours and starting posting at me again. I'll never forget the look in their bloodthirsty avatars as they quoted me again and again"
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Dec 18, 2023 10:03
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NotJustANumber99 posted:Lol I don't know Eddie's pronouns so apologies but I'm assuming she(?) But wtf is she doing? She had a couple of runs at the NEC on a vaguely centrist platform during the Corbyn years too (and got rinsed by the Momentum slate both times).
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Dec 18, 2023 11:10
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So earlier this weekend people said I could vent about my mum and her latest toxic action, so here it is... My mother and I have never had a great relationship. She was a single parent, and I her only child. She was for my entire childhood emotionally distant and manipulative. I never knew my dad, and she would often weaponize conflicting stories about him (he died before I was born/he died in prison after committing murder/he was alive and didn't want to know me) when I would misbehave or show any negative emotion. I still don't know what the truth is about my dad and I know I'll never find out, because anything I get from her is likely to be a lie. She did a lot of other emotionally manipulative stuff, but that's the biggest example that comes to mind. When I went to university I was able to cut all ties with her, and barely spoke to him for the five or so years that I lived away from home. Then, following a bad car accident and a breakup I ended up having to move back into her house for a few years. That was about 10 years ago, and I've been trying to find some common ground with her ever since, I think, against my better judgement. I have my own house now, with my partner, and we are very happy. Once a week I visit my mum, and I dread it every week. She has a lot of toxic traits and being in that environment always affects my mental health, but I feel obligated to see her by virtue of her being my mum. My partner has a Grandma and Granddad who are 96 and 94 years old respective. Corvid, luckily, hasn't touched them, but it did end up confining them to their house during lockdown and they have never physically recovered. They are wonderful people, very forward thinking for their ages, quite left leaning on a lot of subjects, but also delicate in the way that someone of that age tends to be. My mum is not only all of the problems listed above, but she's also routinely miserable, right leaning, reactionary and bitter. But she thinks she's great at looking after old and young people and, about a year ago, wanted to start a relationship with my partners Grandma and Granddad. My partner and I discussed this and basically decided it wasn't a good idea. My mum isn't the most cautious when it comes to illness, she's often liable to say something upsetting on purpose or by mistake, and she's also easily upset herself. My entire extended family has been cut out of our lives because of an argument my mum had with my Aunty about a carpet some 25 years ago. So I told my mum I didn't think it was a good idea, that the grandparents needed a lot of notice for visitors and that, because she was my mum, they would feel the need to make a fuss and wear themselves out cleaning the house (all true). Meanwhile myself and an aunty have struck up a relationship again. She's sad she didn't get to see more of me growing up, and I'm enjoying connecting to a family member who doesn't have any of the toxicity of my mum. My aunty also has an history of depression and anxiety, so I feel connected to her as I can discuss my own mental health issues and their place in the family history in a way that I can't with my mum, who thinks the entire thing is just people being "sad". Any way... last week I got married. We had been planning a bigger ceremony for last year, but Grandma and Granddad are in declining health and the ceremony we wanted to do was some travel away. So we did a small, intimate ceremony at the local registrar office. It was really lovely. Along with our other guest Grandma, Granddad, Aunty and my mum attended. We are wanting to clear some debts and get some work done on the house so we just asked for cash as gifts. Firstly, and this is a minor issue, but I know she did it on purpose, my mum didn't take her jacket off for the entire ceremony. She was wearing a large purple Trespass jacket. It was warm at the venue, and everyone else dressed up for the occassion, but for the full ceremony and for the photos afterwards my mum is in this full body purple rain jacket. Secondly, she spoke to my Aunty a few days after the ceremony and asked if she (aunty) had heard from me yet. My aunty said no, and my mum was aghast and said I should of rang to thank her for the money she gifted. We are sending out thank you cards to everyone, and we'd been on our mini-moon. My mum rang me to let me know my aunty was "really upset" and I should ring her. So I did, not wanting to have upset someone I've only recently started to get to know, and she seemed perfectly fine. She wasn't upset, or if she was she didn't let on, and we had a lovely conversation about the wedding and Christmas. And then, and this is worst of all, she spoke to my partners Grandma. Now, I often try to stop my mum being alone with people like this, but as you can imagine at a wedding it's really difficult to not be doing other things. My partners Grandma said would like to see my mum more (we've never told her about my mum's negative side) and my mum told her that she'd like that too, but that I'd "forbidden it. That she'd wanted to see her all year but I'd said no". I found this out because my mum bragged about the conversation to me, upsetting my partners Grandma and planting poison about me on my wedding day. Myself and my partner are fuming about it, and this kind of poo poo is exactly why I don't want her going around and seeing them. That's two people she's tried to make upset with me from the wedding, and now I'm dreading Christmas when I'll be seeing her next. When she told me about the conversation with Grandma I had a mini-panic attack and had to excuse myself because I'm so tired of being on edge around her, wondering what she will say to me or other people, or wondering what emotional turmoil she will invent to make everything about her. I wish I could cut her out entirely, but then I think about her by herself, with no real friends or means to see people easily, and it breaks my heart.
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Dec 18, 2023 11:13
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PriorMarcus posted:I think about her by herself, with no real friends or means to see people easily ”The Christmas you get, you deserve.” — Greg Lake, 1975. Congratulations on the nuptials mate, and try to have a good one. Other people’s happiness is not your responsibility, especially at the cost of your own.
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Dec 18, 2023 11:25
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PriorMarcus posted:Toxic mother stuff Your toxic mum would have got on well with my toxic mum. quote:I wish I could cut her out entirely, but then I think about her by herself, with no real friends or means to see people easily, and it breaks my heart. There's absolutely nothing stopping you cutting her out of your life, and you shouldn't feel bad about the fact that her toxic personality means she has no real friends. That's a her problem, not a you problem. Try addressing her rude and unacceptable behaviour head-on, reversing the parent/child role and talk to her as the rude and obnoxious child that she is. Warn her that she will see less and less of you if she doesn't change her ways. There's going to be a strong chance that she's too set in her ways, like my mum was, but there's also the slim chance that she might have a late stage revelation and make an effort. But you should stop allowing her to use you as an emotional punchbag. The downside is that you might end up disinherited, but the bonus is that your mental health will be so much better not having a toxic parasitic leech draining all the happy chemicals from your brain. I hope things improve for you, and sending sympathetic hugs
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Dec 18, 2023 11:32
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PriorMarcus posted:Myself and my partner are fuming about it, and this kind of poo poo is exactly why I don't want her going around and seeing them. I know the term narcissist is wildly overused online nowadays, but one thing that is useful to know is that people with toxic traits will be really, really good at shifting the blame onto others. It's like a defence mechanism that stops them from ever having to examine their own behaviour. And it's so ingrained they won't even realise they're doing it half the time. PriorMarcus posted:I wish I could cut her out entirely, but then I think about her by herself, with no real friends or means to see people easily, and it breaks my heart. By the sound of it she is an awful person. She is making no effort to change or be nicer. She has done this to herself. And then she blames everyone else for being mean when they react to her poo poo. Does your mam by any chance present countdown? Warn the grandparents about her, go back to no contact, live a happy life.
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Dec 18, 2023 11:35
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Sorry about your mum, hope you sort it out ok. e: and congrats! domhal posted:... even small insects like us knew that “Captain” was not a very exalted rank and only a person with little else to boast about would hang it on their parent in civilian life. It was bad enough to keep calling someone “Major” after it was all over, but “Captain” was the bottoms. Chubby Henparty fucked around with this message at 11:45 on Dec 18, 2023 |
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Dec 18, 2023 11:41
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PriorMarcus posted:Once a week I visit my mum, and I dread it every week. Stop doing this. You're making yourself miserable. Change it to a weekly video chat if you feel you must contact her regularly. Sorry to hear you've had to live with this. I found the book "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Lindsay Gibson interesting, it gives advice for how to deal with toxic parents. Also, congratulations on your marriage!
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Dec 18, 2023 11:42
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Congrats on the marriage PriorMarcus. Sorry you have been lumbered with a narcissist parent, [insert Philip Larkin quotes here]. I would echo the sentiment that you can just cut them out of your life, I did so with my Dad a decade ago and never regretted it, but luckily I have a cool Mum to compensate. You don't owe this toxic person your happiness. If you choose to continue having contact with her you should be clear why you're doing so (e.g. if you're convinced that you'd be personally less happy in the long run if you severed) , and absolutely make it clear to her what your terms are and where she's hosed up and jeopardised that ongoing contact. She'll probably suffer a huge narcissistic insult from that conversation and use it as ammunition against you, so just be forewarned thats what to expect if you choose to maintain contact. But mostly, congrats on the marriage, it's nice
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Dec 18, 2023 11:48
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It can be hard with family because ultimately you only get one mother and wonder what could have been if things had been different, but an elderly narcissist is not going to change and is probably literally devoid of the capacity for human connection and gratitude no matter how much you try to give it to them. Like, their mind is a fire and your emotions are paper, you like everyone else are just fuel for her self gratification and however you proceed you first need to understand and make peace with that.
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Dec 18, 2023 12:09
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Doctor_Fruitbat posted:It can be hard with family because ultimately you only get one mother and wonder what could have been if things had been different, but an elderly narcissist is not going to change and is probably literally devoid of the capacity for human connection and gratitude no matter how much you try to give it to them. Like, their mind is a fire and your emotions are paper, you like everyone else are just fuel for her self gratification and however you proceed you first need to understand and make peace with that. Is there any way of helping someone younger who's at risk of ending up like this?
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Dec 18, 2023 12:13
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Necrothatcher posted:Is there any way of helping someone younger who's at risk of ending up like this? Get them into therapy? But honestly a lot of this sort of state of mind stems from 'i'm always right' turned up to 11, so good luck with that. Congrats on your wedding and sorry about your poo poo mom, Marcus.
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Dec 18, 2023 12:15
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I'm honestly not sure other than giving them the hard truths and/or severing. If empathy and help don't get through then you kind of just have to let them suffer the consequences of who they are. If they still refuse to change then they probably aren't able to, and I guess it's up to you then to decide what's best and what you can live with, both from them and for yourself.
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Dec 18, 2023 12:21
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Life is too short to waste on toxic people. Don't do it OP. Blood is thicker than water is bullshit.
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Dec 18, 2023 12:36
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PriorMarcus posted:So earlier this weekend people said I could vent about my mum and her latest toxic action, so here it is... Unless there are some very nice things about her you haven't mentioned she sounds like a complete oik to be honest. If all she does is make you miserable then why put yourself through it? Is it worth everyone else being unhappy to keep her happy?
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Dec 18, 2023 12:41
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OwlFancier posted:Unless there are some very nice things about her you haven't mentioned she sounds like a complete oik to be honest. If all she does is make you miserable then why put yourself through it? Is it worth everyone else being unhappy to keep her happy? Honestly, no there isn't. She spends a lot of money on me and my partner at Christmas and birthdays, but it honestly just feels like blackmail at this point. I'm always somewhat worried, that despite everyone else agreeing with how I see her, that I'm overreacting or being overly sensitive to how she makes me feel, and I'll regret cutting her out with some distance. But I also suspect that's by design.
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Dec 18, 2023 12:46
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Even if you stay in contact, I absolutely would not involve anyone else with her and immediately sever any connections you've made there such as with the grandparents. Do as you will with her, but silo her off from anyone and everyone else in your life.
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Dec 18, 2023 12:46
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PriorMarcus posted:She spends a lot of money on me and my partner at Christmas and birthdays, but it honestly just feels like blackmail at this point. It feels like blackmail because it mostly likely is blackmail. Listen to your instincts. quote:I'm always somewhat worried, that despite everyone else agreeing with how I see her, that I'm overreacting or being overly sensitive to how she makes me feel, and I'll regret cutting her out with some distance. But I also suspect that's by design. Your mum sounds like a terrible person and you do not automatically owe her any of your time. From someone who is further down the road than you are, DO IT! Confront the oval office head-on and don't hold back. There is a very slim chance that a direct slap like this might force her to change her ways (which was my initial hope), but be warned that most narcissists tend to dig down and increase their cuntiness when confronted about their unacceptable behaviour. I found it empowering standing up to my mum during her final toxic years. I hope you do to if you ever make the decision to confront your mum.
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Dec 18, 2023 13:01
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fuctifino posted:I found it empowering standing up to my mum during her final toxic years. I hope you do to if you ever make the decision to confront your mum. Honestly, reading your contributions to this thread about your mum is one of the reasons I'm feeling confident talking about this here and seeking advice. It made me recognize a lot of the same behavior's. The last year or so I've been kind of remembering a lot of things from my childhood I'd buried, and her role in them, so I was already growing more aware of how deliberate the damage she did to me was, but then reading your own experience helped me see how ongoing it still was.
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Dec 18, 2023 13:05
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PriorMarcus posted:Honestly, no there isn't. She spends a lot of money on me and my partner at Christmas and birthdays, but it honestly just feels like blackmail at this point. I would probably suggest then that you say something to the effect of not doing presents or keeping it to a small amount. My mother is not as bad but she does have a thing where you absolutely cannot criticise her about anything, or she gets extremely defensive and will just shout at you until you drop it. Fine as long as you are entirely compliant. I don't think she has ever apologized to me for anything in her life. I don't know if it is particularly pronounced with me because she is my mother but either way it simply restricts our relationship to being transactional. She displays elements of the behaviour with others but it is restricted around people in positions of power over her (or possibly people that she likes more than me, never been quite sure) I wrote her off a long time ago and it doesn't elicit regret, she is the way she is. The relationship cannot be anything more than essentially professional. She isn't capable of treating me like an equal being and I don't think she is likely to change any before she dies. If you have other family you are happy with them I think your time would be better spent on them honestly. OwlFancier fucked around with this message at 13:16 on Dec 18, 2023 |
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Dec 18, 2023 13:12
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PriorMarcus posted:I'm always somewhat worried, that despite everyone else agreeing with how I see her, that I'm overreacting or being overly sensitive to how she makes me feel, and I'll regret cutting her out with some distance. But I also suspect that's by design. I do feel like you're over reacting a bit. Like you did prevent her from having contact with the grandparents so... given what hard work she is, no wonder she brought it back up upon meeting them. I guess if you were going to manage her exposure to others you needed to go all or nothing and not invite her to the wedding. Like if you just worked to reconcile with yourself that your mum's character flaws dont reflect on you and let her get on with it maybe that would make things easier for both of you. Probably cut the visits down so that you both might actually get some enjoyment from them rather than both going through the motions.
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Dec 18, 2023 13:13
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PriorMarcus posted:Honestly, reading your contributions to this thread about your mum is one of the reasons I'm feeling confident talking about this here and seeking advice. I'm happy that sharing my story helped you to break your own toxic cycle, because you *will* break it now you've made the first step. And you sharing your story will help others break their cycles...etc. etc. etc. And this is how we turn negative toxic situations into positive ones. Good luck! 
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Dec 18, 2023 13:20
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OwlFancier posted:I would probably suggest then that you say something to the effect of not doing presents or keeping it to a small amount. Doing that on or after December 18th would just be more ammunition for a narcissist, but going forward yes
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Dec 18, 2023 13:28
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