UKMT Spring 2024 - Panic! in the Tea Room - The Something Awful Forums

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > UKMT Spring 2024 - Panic! in the Tea Room

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(Thread IKs: OwlFancier, crispix)

Rarity: Oct 21, 2010; ~*4 LIFE*~

Hard to say but I think that's Tim Vine

# ? Mar 11, 2024 16:49

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# ? May 23, 2024 13:04

Nuclear Spoon: Aug 18, 2010; I want to cry out
but I don’t scream and I don’t shout
And I feel so proud
to be alive

between this and the other photo i'm convinced she's got 2 black eyes

# ? Mar 11, 2024 16:53

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

just tried out my new tin opener, well pleased with it, like

# ? Mar 11, 2024 16:53

Necrothatcher: Mar 26, 2005

William has also just said he's not going to release the unedited photo he took, for reasons.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 16:53

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

6 turns, open

very smooth

# ? Mar 11, 2024 16:53

fuctifino: Jun 11, 2001

I love how the Metro announced she's been seen - by posting an old photo of her happy, waving and very much alive

https://twitter.com/MetroUK/status/1767197442838073680

# ? Mar 11, 2024 16:55

smellmycheese: Feb 1, 2016

im gonna suggest the whole thing is relatively mundane and its simply that she has decided to divorce him and stop publlic appearances since he finally confessed to shagging the Marchioness of Cholmondley - which is a real person, and the very fact I can type the above sentence shows how utterly insane this country is.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 16:55

Tesseraction: Apr 5, 2009

Marchioness Comes in Like a Lion.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 16:57

Tesseraction: Apr 5, 2009

The Prince of Wales cums in-- *gets tackled by the horny police*

# ? Mar 11, 2024 16:58

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

Tesseraction posted:

Huh, you'd think the Danes would have come up with something. At least then us being the only one would be funnier.

It does strike me as really strange that there's been a whole mini cultural revolution over whether we should have statues of slavery nonces everywhere and whether kids respect are traditions and whether schools should teach 'British Values' and like everything seems to be viewed through the lens of that, especially with an eye towards appeasing raging boomers high on tabloid lies, and yet the one bare minimum effort thing that everyone except Denmark has figured out is apparently off the table.

They don't even need to give people any more time off if they just renamed one of the dull rear end "late summer bank holiday" days, although the UK is on the low end so they should do.

I mean poo poo, Midsummer's Day is right there, and that's famous for the Burns poem As I was a wand'ring, the Shakespeare play, the Welsh National Opera festival, the Stonehenge thing, and it's unlikely to cause much controversy unless Greenland accuses us of copying.

Also I just remembered the Festival of Brexit :lmao:

smellmycheese posted:

im gonna suggest the whole thing is relatively mundane and its simply that she has decided to divorce him and stop publlic appearances since he finally confessed to shagging the Marchioness of Cholmondley - which is a real person, and the very fact I can type the above sentence shows how utterly insane this country is.

I bet it's pronounced 'Chris Christie' or something too.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 16:59

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

i reckon all this chaos is a result of old majesty queen no longer being around

she was just knocking the poo poo out of them if they stepped out of line, careful like, so as not to bruise any bits that would be photographed, and they all lived in fear of her

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:00

Tesseraction: Apr 5, 2009

Think of all the problematic royals we never heard about because she fed them to the corgs.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:07

Tesseraction: Apr 5, 2009

That's the real reason she stopped adopting them in old age, passed the point of caring enough to sweeney the bad'uns. Much to Andrew's relief.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:09

Wachter: Mar 23, 2007; You and whose knees?

crispix posted:

i reckon all this chaos is a result of old majesty queen no longer being around

she was just knocking the poo poo out of them if they stepped out of line, careful like, so as not to bruise any bits that would be photographed, and they all lived in fear of her

Her Maj creeping round Balmoral in the dead of night with a bar of soap in a sock

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:12

The_Doctor: Mar 29, 2007; "The entire history of this incarnation is one of temporal orbits, retcons, paradoxes, parallel time lines, reiterations, and divergences. How anyone can make head or tail of all this chaos, I don't know."

One day we'll have our rightful monarch.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:18

Paperhouse: Dec 31, 2008; I think
your hair
looks much
better
pushed
over to
one side

Guavanaut posted:

It does strike me as really strange that there's been a whole mini cultural revolution over whether we should have statues of slavery nonces everywhere and whether kids respect are traditions and whether schools should teach 'British Values' and like everything seems to be viewed through the lens of that, especially with an eye towards appeasing raging boomers high on tabloid lies, and yet the one bare minimum effort thing that everyone except Denmark has figured out is apparently off the table.

They don't even need to give people any more time off if they just renamed one of the dull rear end "late summer bank holiday" days, although the UK is on the low end so they should do.

I mean poo poo, Midsummer's Day is right there, and that's famous for the Burns poem As I was a wand'ring, the Shakespeare play, the Welsh National Opera festival, the Stonehenge thing, and it's unlikely to cause much controversy unless Greenland accuses us of copying.

Also I just remembered the Festival of Brexit

I bet it's pronounced 'Chris Christie' or something too.

Chumley, naturally

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:22

sebzilla: Mar 17, 2009; Kid's blasting everything in sight with that new-fangled musket.

We're all just killing time for the Coming of the Pauls

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OGwj6XbtlPA

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:24

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

smellmycheese posted:

im gonna suggest the whole thing is relatively mundane and its simply that she has decided to divorce him and stop publlic appearances since he finally confessed to shagging the Marchioness of Cholmondley - which is a real person, and the very fact I can type the above sentence shows how utterly insane this country is.

I'm gonna suggest this whole thing is even more insane than anybody has predicted and her "abdominal surgery" is the first step in a Krang procedure where the King will live on as a disembodied head looking out of a window in her belly.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:34

Rappaport: Oct 2, 2013

Guavanaut posted:

They could go for the wankiest option possible (well, second wankiest over Spain having Renaissance Hitler Day) and call the Brexit referendum day Independence Day and I'd take it over the cultural void of

Or literally make some poo poo up, they could do the day that Brutus the Trojan and his Sea People established Britain by defeating the giants, even though that's not a thing that actually happened, like Japan does. Bonus with making some poo poo up is that you can pick whatever day you like so do it to give people a day off when the weather is nice.

If we're brainstorming, just make sir Pratchett's birthday the Day of Britaine or something. He'd hate it, but maybe also find it funny, and it would make all the potterverse monsters lose their loving minds. And I like his books.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:35

OwlFancier: Aug 22, 2013

If you're doing that why not just amalgamate all the royals into a giant meat monster like the guy on the front of Leviaithan? Hard to argue with its legitimacy if it can crush you.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:36

keep punching joe: Jan 22, 2006; Die Satan!

The reason she doesn't have William's ring in the photo is because he already gave it to Rose Hanbury.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:37

smellmycheese: Feb 1, 2016

keep punching joe posted:

The reason she doesn't have William's ring in the photo is because he already gave it to Rose Hanbury.

The less said about William's ring and the Marchioness of Cholmondley the better imho

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:51

big scary monsters: Sep 2, 2011; -~Ｓｋｕｌｌｗａｖｅ~-

crispix posted:

i reckon all this chaos is a result of old majesty queen no longer being around

she was just knocking the poo poo out of them if they stepped out of line, careful like, so as not to bruise any bits that would be photographed, and they all lived in fear of her

I think this was genuinely the case. I dunno what exactly she threatened them all with but whatever it was I guess she didn't bother to pass the trick on to her eldest failson.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:51

keep punching joe: Jan 22, 2006; Die Satan!

big scary monsters posted:

I think this was genuinely the case. I dunno what exactly she threatened them all with.

Public car crash ought to do it.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:55

BalloonFish: Jun 30, 2013; Fun Shoe

Guavanaut posted:

It does strike me as really strange that there's been a whole mini cultural revolution over whether we should have statues of slavery nonces everywhere and whether kids respect are traditions and whether schools should teach 'British Values' and like everything seems to be viewed through the lens of that, especially with an eye towards appeasing raging boomers high on tabloid lies, and yet the one bare minimum effort thing that everyone except Denmark has figured out is apparently off the table.

They don't even need to give people any more time off if they just renamed one of the dull rear end "late summer bank holiday" days, although the UK is on the low end so they should do.

I mean poo poo, Midsummer's Day is right there, and that's famous for the Burns poem As I was a wand'ring, the Shakespeare play, the Welsh National Opera festival, the Stonehenge thing, and it's unlikely to cause much controversy unless Greenland accuses us of copying.

It's the weird tension in current conservative/reactionary/gammon thinking (such as it is) between populist nationalism, which would generally want a national holiday where we can wave flags and declare how Grate Britane is) and the all-pervasive rage at the idea of someone 'getting something for nothing' or not labouring away every possible second of their lives and not maxing ~~their~~ our productivity. National days in other countries were, and are, often as much about giving everyone a day off than actually celebrating whatever figure, event or value it's named after and there is a part of the British psyche and population that can't abide that.

Remember when Corbyn suggested adding more bank holidays to the calendar to bring us up to something like the European norm? I'm pretty sure the suggested dates included one to mark the passing of the Slave Trade Act in March and one for Trafalgar Day in October, which should be very 'gammon friendly'. But of course it was all about how Labour didn't want people to work and You Can't Just Give People Time Off Work Jeremy and all that other poo poo.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:58

killerwhat: May 13, 2010

Guavanaut posted:

I bet it's pronounced 'Chris Christie' or something too.

Had the misfortune of spending time with my mum yesterday. She complained that the tube driver pronounced Holborn as Holb�n (not Ho�b�n) because �pronouncing things in funny ways is our British thing�.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:59

smellmycheese: Feb 1, 2016

keep punching joe posted:

Public car crash ought to do it.

lmao it was exactly this. last one who stepped out of line got loving executed by special forces

It always makes me lol when people see what happened to Diana and respond with "the British Royal Family killing off people who are a threat to it's power? This sort of thing has never before happened in its history!!!"

# ? Mar 11, 2024 17:59

sebzilla: Mar 17, 2009; Kid's blasting everything in sight with that new-fangled musket.

BalloonFish posted:

Remember when Corbyn suggested adding more bank holidays to the calendar to bring us up to something like the European norm? I'm pretty sure the suggested dates included one to mark the passing of the Slave Trade Act in March and one for Trafalgar Day in October, which should be very 'gammon friendly'. But of course it was all about how Labour didn't want people to work and You Can't Just Give People Time Off Work Jeremy and all that other poo poo.

I thought the idea was to give everyone all the Patron Saints days off regardless of where in the UK you are. Does leave far too many in the Spring though what with Easter and everything.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 18:02

keep punching joe: Jan 22, 2006; Die Satan!

Just give everyone a long weekend at the end of each month. This is my political manifesto.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 18:04

BalloonFish: Jun 30, 2013; Fun Shoe

sebzilla posted:

I thought the idea was to give everyone all the Patron Saints days off regardless of where in the UK you are. Does leave far too many in the Spring though what with Easter and everything.

Maybe I'm confusing the official idea with someone else's suggestion to get around that exact problem. The general point still stands - the Great British Public (and/or the Great British Press) are too distraught at the idea of someone else not working for a day to embrace the idea of national holidays.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 18:07

smellmycheese: Feb 1, 2016

One of the funniest recent royal things before this current debacle was The Duke of Edinburgh's mistress, who he'd not only been pumping away at for decades ,but actually lived with, being one of the tiny handful of people invited to his covid funeral and the entire media just pretending it didn't happen.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 18:08

Angepain: Jul 13, 2012; what keeps happening to my clothes

i like the turned into a gigantic insect idea. i would respect her more if this happened. i would respect all the royals more if they were insects. in fact let's replace the royals with a big collection of insects. a giant insect house will be great for the tourists. we can genetically engineer them with our great british ingenuity. and then threaten to release them upon our enemies. we can use their wise insect hiveminds to advise us on great matters of import. they have wisdom we can only dream of. let's replace the house of lords with insects. let's replace the prime minister. let's let them into our homes. let's let them burrow into our skin. it's so comfortable. it only hurts a little. only at first. let them into your ears

# ? Mar 11, 2024 18:09

keep punching joe: Jan 22, 2006; Die Satan!

smellmycheese posted:

One of the funniest recent royal things before this current debacle was The Duke of Edinburgh's mistress, who he'd not only been pumping away at for decades ,but actually lived with, being one of the tiny handful of people invited to his covid funeral and the entire media just pretending it didn't happen.

I do hope that if humanity does struggle on for a few centuries more, future historians will be able to access social media accounts of the present day, and will be able to know exactly what snivelling little worms our 'free' press actually were.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 18:12

Bobby Deluxe: May 9, 2004

smellmycheese posted:

It always makes me lol when people see what happened to Diana and respond with "the British Royal Family killing off people who are a threat to it's power? This sort of thing has never before happened in its history!!!"

It's the old culture war trick of saying 'this didn't happen,' and then when you prove it very much did, they switch to 'the wokes are demoralising our children by teaching them about the bad things!'

E: the new philosophytube video is good and takes a surprise turn into this subject.

Bobby Deluxe fucked around with this message at 18:21 on Mar 11, 2024

# ? Mar 11, 2024 18:13

crispix: Mar 28, 2015; Grand-Maman m'a raconté
_{(Les éditions des amitiés franco-québécoises)}

Hello, dear

for real though is this a hostage situation?

has anyone called the polis and/or the social? :/

# ? Mar 11, 2024 18:15

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

BalloonFish posted:

It's the weird tension in current conservative/reactionary/gammon thinking (such as it is) between populist nationalism, which would generally want a national holiday where we can wave flags and declare how Grate Britane is) and the all-pervasive rage at the idea of someone 'getting something for nothing' or not labouring away every possible second of their lives and not maxing ~~their~~ our productivity. National days in other countries were, and are, often as much about giving everyone a day off than actually celebrating whatever figure, event or value it's named after and there is a part of the British psyche and population that can't abide that.

You can also see that with the number of countries that have an Armistice/Remembrance/Veteran's Day and, while the tone might be different from place to place depending on the cultural consciousness about war and the military, it's generally a day off where you can have a picnic and there's history documentaries on the TV if you're into that, and children might be given homework to find something out about the war.

The UK on the other hand has a month long argument about poppies followed by two minutes of stony silence, and then the "bring back national service that I avoided" people go around looking for people being insufficiently respectful (when they aren't themselves trying to start a fight outside the Cenotaph).

Same with Human Rights Day and Heritage Day and ones like that, you don't have to take them super seriously, but having them coincide with a day off means you're more likely to take your kids to the library or discuss your heritage.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 18:36

Jaeluni Asjil: Apr 18, 2018; Sorry I thought you were a landlord when I gave you your old avatar!

Tesseraction posted:

She's en route to the electric chair.

Little known fact is the zap seat is still legal, but only for use by the royal family.

I thought unwanted queens got their heads chopped off?

# ? Mar 11, 2024 18:36

Jaeluni Asjil: Apr 18, 2018; Sorry I thought you were a landlord when I gave you your old avatar!

smellmycheese posted:

im gonna suggest the whole thing is relatively mundane and its simply that she has decided to divorce him and stop publlic appearances since he finally confessed to shagging the Marchioness of Cholmondley - which is a real person, and the very fact I can type the above sentence shows how utterly insane this country is.

And the maddest thing about that is Cholmondley is pronounced Chum-lee.
I know this because my ex-fiance back when I was 19 used to call me that - do not ask me why - he had been kicked in the head coming out of the pub one night though.

Beaten VVV

Paperhouse posted:

Chumley, naturally

# ? Mar 11, 2024 18:39

Jaeluni Asjil: Apr 18, 2018; Sorry I thought you were a landlord when I gave you your old avatar!

Scumbags.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 18:49

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# ? May 23, 2024 13:04

AceClown: Sep 11, 2005

Jaeluni Asjil posted:

And the maddest thing about that is Cholmondley is pronounced Chum-lee.
I know this because my ex-fiance back when I was 19 used to call me that - do not ask me why - he had been kicked in the head coming out of the pub one night though.

Beaten VVV

# ? Mar 11, 2024 18:51

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > UKMT Spring 2024 - Panic! in the Tea Room

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