PYF Legends: The Heart of Darkness is about a Rolex

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(Thread IKs: Pablo Nergigante, skeleton warrior)

ItohRespectArmy: Sep 11, 2019; Cutest In The World, Six Time DDT Ironheavymetalweight champion, Two Time International Princess champion, winner of two tournaments, a Princess Tag Team champion, And a pretty good singer too!
"When I was an idol, I felt nothing every day but now that I'm a pro wrestler I'm in pain constantly!"

Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:

Jeffrey of YOSPOS is going to make you whole

im not a computer so im safe

# ? Mar 21, 2024 20:28

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# ? May 24, 2024 00:49

ItohRespectArmy: Sep 11, 2019; Cutest In The World, Six Time DDT Ironheavymetalweight champion, Two Time International Princess champion, winner of two tournaments, a Princess Tag Team champion, And a pretty good singer too!
"When I was an idol, I felt nothing every day but now that I'm a pro wrestler I'm in pain constantly!"

jeffery of yospos brutally and insanely making you whole

# ? Mar 21, 2024 20:28

Heath: Apr 30, 2008; 🍂🎃🏞️💦

Babe Magnet posted:

dragons dogma 2 in 6 hours

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2x1nxL8xlg

Y'all laughing at this but Dragon's Dogma has seriously got the best looking trees in any video game. High variance, realistic proportions and spacing, many of them contoured to the landscape that they're on. Especially large ones like that

# ? Mar 21, 2024 20:31

Heath: Apr 30, 2008; 🍂🎃🏞️💦

Dragon's Dogwood

# ? Mar 21, 2024 20:32

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

Oh hey I found one of Bold Frankenstein Mir's articles that he didn't get paid for.

quote:

Tornados Hate Our Freedom
Friday, May 22, 2020 by "Bunko" Bill Biggity

Let's get one thing clear right out the gate, pardner: I like Trump. Too much mustard but that don't bother me. He's right there on Mt. Truckmore's back cab winder, 'longside Ronny Reagan and Andy Jackson and Papa Bush, keepin' carjackers and Austinites at length. But, truth be told, they're all playin' second fiddle to the life-size portrait airbrushed across my tailgate, the true focus of Mt. Truckmore, the greatest president in the history of the world of America. Trump is tall hog of the trough now, but won't never be another George W "W" Bush.

Y'all think the greatest cowboy president who ever lived- Teddy Roosevelt and LBJ bein' commies and all- would've sent our whole economy up the spout when some funkified kids took French leave from work? Not by a jugful. You think W would just roll over for them slumguzzlin' eggheads and knock the whole kit and caboodle in a cocked hat on account of mother nature is raisin' some sand? Not by a long chalk, dude. George W "W" Bush is a man's man, he was the son of a man's man which makes him so gul-durn manly I might go commission another tailgate, and this time find somebody that ain't too sour to do it nude like I wanted in the first place. George W "W" Bush ain't afraid a nothin', least of all some piddly cloud hidin' in air. Least of all a buncha gul-durn namby-pamby tornados.

I can not believe the bellyachin' from these kids. "But Bill, we better stay indoors where it's safe", "but Bill, governor says stay away from winders"! That dog won't hunt, son. W was governor too, I knows my world histry. You think W didn't have clouds when he was governor; 'course he had clouds. More fellers put under the snakes by warshing machines than by tornado clouds every year and that's a fact I learnt at a church, so you can keep your objections to yerself, tornado apologist.

Tornados hate our freedom. If we give it up now it'll be a tee-total loss. Tornados don't scare me, my dog could whup an F1, I've read up on it. I can't wait for a tornado to try and break into my house, I'll stand my ground, yessir. Put that whirlwind six feet under, and won't a body cry over'm.

George W "W" Bush was a dabster at danger, the man understood it. You hide like a whimperin' runt at first twig of a little baby F1 tornado, and there you ain't, pardner. It's open season. Hurricanes, earthquakes, meteorites, they'll all be drawin' straws to stomp on our freedom.

I reckon W got dusted by bullies as a little buckaroo. Probably not too bad since his daddy was a CIA boogeyman and I imagine anybody roughin' up his boys got to meet the pale rider. But somehow or other, W realized early on how danger works, and just went on a tear agin' it. W is the man who does not abide bullyin', not by terrorists, not by courts, the press, elections, the supreme court and certainly not from no gul-durn cloud. Maybe W was scared of tornados when he was a little-bitty shaver, but once he'd planted a couple schoolyard bullies in his daddy's boot orchard he overcame. Nohow do you show a notch a' weakness with danger, or fast as you can say Jack Robinson you're practicing sharia law in the wreckage of your trailer home. Happens so often it's tinker's news.

That's why ain't nobody can corral me, nossir. My freedoms ain't for sale. When I feel like moseying on over to Assault Rifle Annie's I hop in Mt. Truckmore and I'm there, greased lightnin', don't matter if Annie's is closed by some yeller-belly box herder who'd mess his breeches if the governor said boo. "Gotta protect the girls" my biscuits, Ken, go boil your shirt. That runty twister went right down the boards in front of your place and didn't even glance askew at Annie's. Probably knew I might be inside, jawin' with W! I have often thought it was the classy kind of cathouse an ex president could appreciate. So I'll just hang out in the parking lot reading girly papers and nippin' some oh-be-joyful until Ken comes to his senses, and there ain't nothing no funnel cloud or state patrolwoman can do about it. Let 'em blow that sireen at me, officer Katy. Me and the whole county, I don't care. I ain't goin' home until I'm gul-durn-well ready. Or do you want the tornados to win?

Countertornadoism is the code of the West, nationalized. We let the tornados keep us indoors there'll be no end to pushing America around. Right when we need the bravery of a cowboy president most, we have turncoat governors bushwhacking the very same White House George W "W" Bush painted white with his own two hands, nude as the day he was born. Unafraid. Tornados can't take the freedoms of a man who's unafraid, pardner. That dog won't hunt.

Starting to think that Lowtax ripping him off was a good thing, all in all.

# ? Mar 21, 2024 20:38

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

I bet he didn't even know what female tornados look like.

# ? Mar 21, 2024 20:39

symbolic: Nov 2, 2014

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

Oh hey I found one of Bold Frankenstein Mir's articles that he didn't get paid for.

Starting to think that Lowtax ripping him off was a good thing, all in all.

incomprehensible lol

# ? Mar 21, 2024 20:40

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

It's hard to completely whiff a satirical take at those weird dudes in giant pickup trucks covered in Trump stickers, but by God did BoldFrankensteinMir manage it.

# ? Mar 21, 2024 20:42

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

pentyne posted:

the whole issue over "make you whole" was an unrelated goon who seemed to think it was sexual in nature

lmao

# ? Mar 21, 2024 20:47

Ammat The Ankh: Sep 7, 2010; Now, attempt to defeat me!
And I shall become a living legend!

I feel bad for the people Lowtax ripped off, personally.

Didn't read whatever wall of text VVG posted lol

# ? Mar 21, 2024 20:48

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

The Current Releases front page series is another good take on how some of the unfunniest people in the world were given a platform to be extremely stupid.

how it started

SpiderHyphenMan posted:

This thread is for the totally awesome and even more totally ignored weekly column Current Releases. It features four totally-legitimate film critics: Ian "ProfessorClumsy" Maddison, Martin R. "Vargo" Schneider, Montague "Legally Sane" Smythe, and Joseph "Jay Dub" Wade. Each week, 2 to 3 movies are reviewed, starting with a paragraph about the reviewer's Expectations, then a mini-essay on the Reality, ending with a score out fifty based on performance in five categories out of ten (also there's pretty pictures with funny captions). Each film gets a main review, and then under it is a much shorter review called "Minority Report" by a different writer (or at least that's the pattern as of late). It's really well-written and stays fresh with the occasional gimmick review.
And to make this post be somewhat helpful for discussion, here's the latest two reviews.

how it went

Ralp posted:

Hello Front Page Discussion posters. Respect the Mods and Writers: Please do not harass or intentionally annoy the mods or insult the front page writers.

Triticum Guzzler posted:

The essence of the criticism of the criticism that has been ongoing, at least on my part, is that it is bad. It is not good. It is really not very informative. It is not that it is bad to "care".

If you actually legitimately care about film, there is a good chance you do not post about it on this web site, because if you look at the movie forum (or the book forum, etc) you see that largely there's an incredible fixation on really childish products (and they are usually products rather than films) with a corresponding lack of taste. I'm sure it's an idea that's unfamiliar to you, as a grown man who wants to surgically replace his dick and balls with a coin operated motorised Donald Duck ride who is about 3 wispy chin hairs away from being a convicted rapist, but when criticism is coming from a really juvenile place about a less-juvenile subject it can seem very superficial and difficult to respect. Like when they allow kids to do news reports on the actual news.

This is one side of the coin here. Some of the reviewers present as, essentially, children of varying extreme largeness. But even if you read what they have to say about children's movies, it's still incredibly basic analysis of a film seen through a lens of a culture who are obsessed with identity politics in all things.

For example, if you read this week's review of The Boxtrolls, all you will learn is:

- The reviewer liked Coraline and Paranorman, but this film has a worse story
- There are trolls who wear boxes, also there are two characters who have names
- The film is nominally about the trolls who wear boxes, however it focuses on one of them who isn't REALLY a troll, but is actually a boy. This is a "big problem".
- The villain is avaristic and ugly. He pretends to be a woman, this is also a big problem, but we're not told why. Just that tumblr dislikes that and they're right to do so.
- The animation is good, kids will like it.

The only thing gleaned from this review that you won't get from the trailer is a number score and at some point a man wears a dress. It's an 800 word sideways glance at a movie and it really does not do a good job reviewing it outside of conveying the general sentiment that it's sort of not bad. I don't respect this, and I don't much care what this person has to say about other movies especially if they're more complicated than this movie for 6-year-olds.

On top of which the reviews are completely joyless, on a comedy web site. It's not just that it's really out of place, it's poorly executed in its own right. I'm not trying to illegally troll or insult them so please do not electronically beat me up, but I don't think they're cut out for this.

Thank you for reading this wearying post. As a reward, here is a picture of the cast of Duck Tales taking public transport so you can finally blast the biggest load of your life you mewling piece of poo poo idiot

# ? Mar 21, 2024 20:49

Ammat The Ankh: Sep 7, 2010; Now, attempt to defeat me!
And I shall become a living legend!

I liked the front page and it's what first drew me to the site, like, seventeen years back. But also the quality really suffered once the original group of writers peaced out and Lowtax couldn't find or hold on to any good new ones because he wouldn't pay them.

# ? Mar 21, 2024 20:51

Paladinus: Jan 11, 2014; heyHEYYYY!!!

Don't know where else to post about it but today I learned that the lady from this viral video from ages ago
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UgpfSp2t6k

believes she's surrounded by spirit guides and was a slave in a past life, and now gives some sort of spiritual advice to her subscribers. Maybe she's so good at accents because of all the past lives?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LqaKqVYLVD4

It's like when the guy from Newgrounds started a cult about ancient aliens. For some reason it's really fascinating to me.

# ? Mar 21, 2024 20:51

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

pentyne posted:

The Current Releases front page series is another good take on how some of the unfunniest people in the world were given a platform to be extremely stupid.

how it started

how it went

Don't forget this image, created in response to a list of Cinema Discusso posters' film blogs:

# ? Mar 21, 2024 20:57

Paladinus: Jan 11, 2014; heyHEYYYY!!!

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

Don't forget this image, created in response to a list of Cinema Discusso posters' film blogs:

The last time it came up, maybe two years ago, I think it turned out that a couple of them were still going, with the same audience.

# ? Mar 21, 2024 20:59

FirstnameLastname: Jul 10, 2022

Ammat The Ankh posted:

I liked the front page and it's what first drew me to the site, like, seventeen years back. But also the quality really suffered once the original group of writers peaced out and Lowtax couldn't find or hold on to any good new ones because he wouldn't pay them.

i honestly feel like half of what wrecked the front page was that most mentions of it would be lowtax freaking out and banning someone for making a "front page?" joke and that made people already on the site not wanna engage with the content as much, when that's what used to spread articles around to people not already on the site

like 3/4 times it'd come up it'd be someone getting banned for mentioning it, thats a fun ruiner

# ? Mar 21, 2024 21:02

Plant MONSTER.: Mar 16, 2018; I was watching simpsons at 0.75 without knowing until a scene where homer and bart were getting back massages at a hotel and the noises they were making were super drawn out like a youtube poop

BoldFrankenstein ran a biweekly movie night during covid which was actually a really cool experience. Really opened me up to old cinema. Maria Bamford was there and she put stickers on her face

# ? Mar 21, 2024 21:05

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

Paladinus posted:

The last time it came up, maybe two years ago, I think it turned out that a couple of them were still going, with the same audience.

Vargo now does a podcast all about how The Andy Griffith Show destroyed America.

# ? Mar 21, 2024 21:08

Southern Cassowary: Jan 3, 2023

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

Vargo now does a podcast all about how The Andy Griffith Show destroyed America.

You're now listening to Mayberry Microcosm Episode 17: Gomer Pyle and the Vietnam War. Golly! But first, a message from our sponsor, Rocket Money.

# ? Mar 21, 2024 21:14

NoiseAnnoys: May 17, 2010

Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:

Jeffrey of YOSPOS is going to make you whole

Jeffery of YOSPOS gonna poz your hole

# ? Mar 21, 2024 21:25

Paladinus: Jan 11, 2014; heyHEYYYY!!!

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

Vargo now does a podcast all about how The Andy Griffith Show destroyed America.

You know what they say, you find your niche, you put in consistent effort, and you're destined for success. Unless your niche is The Andy Griffith Show podcasts, of course.

# ? Mar 21, 2024 21:28

mycot: Oct 23, 2014; "It's okay. There are other Terminators! Just give us this one!"; Hell Gem

Famethrowa posted:

to this day you'll encounter redditors screaming at each other accusations of being "poo poo reddit says" or "srs" the subreddit blamed for closing jailbait 10 years ago.

Reminded me of this (from Wikipedia)

quote:

the user pleaded with Chen not to publish it, as he was concerned about the potential impact on his employment and finances, noting that his wife was disabled and he had a mortgage to pay. He also expressed concern that he would be falsely labeled a child pornographer or antisemite, due to some of the subreddits he had created.

You know the names of those subreddits must be absolutely heinous.

# ? Mar 21, 2024 21:41

Cranappleberry: Jan 27, 2009

happy that valko is doing well

# ? Mar 21, 2024 21:42

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

Cranappleberry posted:

happy that valko is doing well

Valko's not the podcast dude, so he's absolutely doing well.

# ? Mar 21, 2024 21:43

more falafel please: Feb 26, 2005; forums poster

The Kins posted:

it was common practice on disc-based systems (especially ps3 with its real slow blu-ray drive) to pack in a bunch of dummy data to push the game data to the physical edge of the disc so it could load faster.

most of the time it was just garbage, but other times for some reason they used things like source code or the south park pilot or whatever

it's possible some studios filled in garbage data, but i know for a fact that the disc image tools for PS3 and 360 (and I assume previous generations as well but I never worked on them) let you literally decide what physical sectors individual files went in, so you wouldn't need to "push" game data to the edge, you just put it there. and yeah, the outside is faster than the inside (constant rotational velocity == higher linear velocity on the edge) but the important thing especially on the PS3 was avoiding seeks, so you'd want to pack stuff that loads together in physical proximity to each other. UE3 had a concept called "seekfree" packages, where a package for a level or something would include everything it needed, even if that meant duplicating a bunch of data (you're paying for the whole disc anyway, no sense wasting it even if you are duplicating poo poo)

# ? Mar 21, 2024 22:12

Stux: Nov 17, 2006; Can't post for 45 hours!

seems like a lot of work for a platform where games were allowed to require full installs to the hdd if they wanted

# ? Mar 21, 2024 22:25

more falafel please: Feb 26, 2005; forums poster

Stux posted:

seems like a lot of work for a platform where games were allowed to require full installs to the hdd if they wanted

there were also requirements about load times (which you could almost always get waived, lol) so you had to actually care a little

# ? Mar 21, 2024 22:34

Papa Was A Video Toaster: Jan 9, 2011

What's the source of that "Many users don't like my posting" gangtag again? I remember it was a court thing.

# ? Mar 21, 2024 22:57

Al!: Apr 2, 2010

Papa Was A Video Toaster posted:

What's the source of that "Many users don't like my posting" gangtag again? I remember it was a court thing.

crazy numbers rereg guy

# ? Mar 21, 2024 23:05

NoiseAnnoys: May 17, 2010

Cranappleberry posted:

happy that valko is doing well

# ? Mar 21, 2024 23:21

Meowywitch: Jan 14, 2010; Fight for all that is beautiful in the world

Al! posted:

crazy numbers rereg guy

I forgot is that worms butthole guy or somebody else

# ? Mar 21, 2024 23:23

Plant MONSTER.: Mar 16, 2018; I was watching simpsons at 0.75 without knowing until a scene where homer and bart were getting back massages at a hotel and the noises they were making were super drawn out like a youtube poop

was worms butthole guy called worms butthole guy because of his avatar or something or did he always have pinworm. Or aws that just his name

# ? Mar 21, 2024 23:24

Runa: Feb 13, 2011

feels like wormskull (the guy whose butthole was used for that other guy's avatar) has to explain the worms butthole guy every other month

# ? Mar 21, 2024 23:26

Dongicus: Jun 12, 2015

whats to explain

# ? Mar 21, 2024 23:44

TheSwizzler: May 13, 2005; LETTIN THE CAT OUTTA THE BAG

wormskull loading up the file with the form letter "fuckin again"

# ? Mar 21, 2024 23:46

Paladinus: Jan 11, 2014; heyHEYYYY!!!

Be careful. Explaining is endorsing.

# ? Mar 21, 2024 23:46

Bicyclops: Aug 27, 2004

Plant MONSTER. posted:

was worms butthole guy called worms butthole guy because of his avatar or something or did he always have pinworm. Or aws that just his name

They changed his name after he got the avatar, lol. He just... Wouldn't stop trying to post in the Imp Zone and wasn't a good fit. Probably half of my angry PMs were from him

# ? Mar 21, 2024 23:49

Inexplicable Humblebrag: Sep 20, 2003

No he had the avatar when he showed up. Damndest thing. Just a weird freak showing up with an avatar of an existing poster's rear end, and a username referencing it

# ? Mar 21, 2024 23:59

Dongicus: Jun 12, 2015

Bicyclops posted:

They changed his name after he got the avatar, lol. He just... Wouldn't stop trying to post in the Imp Zone and wasn't a good fit. Probably half of my angry PMs were from him

(unread) sup.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 00:00

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# ? May 24, 2024 00:49

copy: Jul 26, 2007

Runa posted:

feels like wormskull (the guy whose butthole was used for that other guy's avatar) has to explain the worms butthole guy every other month

gets to

# ? Mar 22, 2024 00:09

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