r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

idiotsavant: Jun 4, 2000

Runcible Cat posted:

In one of the posts they mention being a YouTube streamer so it's 100% "content creation" and it's no surprise no one wants to be the driver.

I mean the heavy lifting from the original post, pages and pages ago, was the single "oh btw I'm bipolar" mention that was quickly glossed over in favor of more stories about their meltdowns. Can't imagine why no one wants to deal with a bipolar person who has frequent angry meltdowns (probably because there's a very good chance they're unmedicated)

# ? Mar 22, 2024 07:51

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# ? May 14, 2024 12:27

Lottery of Babylon: Apr 25, 2012; STRAIGHT TROPIN'

BrigadierSensible posted:

For me the huge red flag about this person is:

She says "Whilst"

# ? Mar 22, 2024 07:51

idiotsavant: Jun 4, 2000

ChickenOfTomorrow posted:

He's falling in love and his wife can tell. She's scared he's going to leave her, and hell, he might.

meanwhile, the AITAs of teenagers are amazing

AITA for telling my friend to not tell their crush how they feel?

well the good thing is apparently they've already started to figure out that you can drop lovely friends right out of your life, now they just need to work on pulling the trigger. Soon-to-be-ex friend guy seems like a great learning opportunity cause the op is probably going to be telling themselves "geez I should have dropped them WAY faster" once it's all said and done

# ? Mar 22, 2024 08:31

AceClown: Sep 11, 2005

FMguru posted:

Yeah, don't have a very literal and explicit thread rule against posting abuse (especially sexual abuse) stories?

Anyway, here's another entry in the great book of open marriage self-owns

My wife broke down yesterday because I got my polyamorous partner an emotional gift. Was I wrong?

Guy gets browbeaten into opening his marriage, finds someone he has a sympathetic and emotional connection to, neglects his wife to spend his energy on making his new partner happy, and wife has a breakdown when she finds out.

Dude might want to more deeply consider what he means when he says "zero emotional connection".

this one got an update:

quote:

Well I did not expect to get an overwhelming number of responses, and in all honesty, I was a bit overwhelmed with it all. I am probably not being honest with myself about the entire situation, it�s just extremely scary to think about. I do not want to break apart my household, I want the best for our son. My wife has just not been herself since yesterday. It has been a somber home atmosphere. She took off work today and even tomorrow. Even our son has noticed the change in her demeanor.

Look, I love my wife. I have loved my wife for the last decade and will continue to love her the rest of my life regardless of what she does. That will never change. She�s an amazing mother to our son.

But I probably haven�t been entirely truthful to myself about my feelings towards my partner. I don�t know if what we have can be described as an emotional connection, but I think it�s something deeper than that, and something I don�t have even with my wife, and have never had with her. It is also something deeper than love.

One of the comments asked what I would do if my wife wanted to switch back to a monogamous relationship. I had never thought about it until then. But I have thought about it for a few hours since reading that comment, and it hurts me deeply to say, but I would want to leave my wife if she wanted to switch back to a monogamous relationship.

And that thought is extremely scary. But I am firm in that decision after having spent hours thinking about it. We will see what the future holds. This is going to be my final update, and I am probably going to delete my account soon for the sake of anonymity and mental peace.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 09:51

Troublemaker: Mar 12, 2007

That poor woman in Maine needs to have herself and the baby sitting in the car when the husband leaves at 5 a.m. Unless they're moving into a roofless shack with no floor, there's nothing he could be doing for 18 hours a day in an empty house. And if he is actually scrubbing the whole place down with a toothbrush or something, then she and baby can keep him company.

He says he wants to be with his mom and sister but he's not even there. poo poo, let him stay home with the fam and the baby and she can take care of the house.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 10:16

Runcible Cat: May 28, 2007; Ignoring this post

Troublemaker posted:

He says he wants to be with his mom and sister but he's not even there. poo poo, let him stay home with the fam and the baby and she can take care of the house.

He wants her to be with his mother and sister. God knows why but I'm going along with the Stephen King-alike theories.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 10:24

wheatpuppy: Apr 25, 2008; YOU HAVE MY POST!

Troublemaker posted:

That poor woman in Maine needs to have herself and the baby sitting in the car when the husband leaves at 5 a.m. Unless they're moving into a roofless shack with no floor, there's nothing he could be doing for 18 hours a day in an empty house. And if he is actually scrubbing the whole place down with a toothbrush or something, then she and baby can keep him company.

He says he wants to be with his mom and sister but he's not even there. poo poo, let him stay home with the fam and the baby and she can take care of the house.

He claims to be cleaning with chemicals she is allergic to, so she can't just "keep him company." But yeah, something hinky is going on there. I am torn between affair or drugs.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 11:21

Jabor: Jul 16, 2010; #1 Loser at SpaceChem

There's no house, he took the house money and lost it all on camgirls/cryptocurrency/online gambling, this is an elaborate charade to put off having to tell her.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 11:34

artsy fartsy: May 10, 2014; You'll be ahead instead of behind. Hello!

She follows him one morning, to an empty lot with no house on it.

"How do you always catch me," he says.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 11:46

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

FMguru posted:

It sometimes takes a while for consequences to arrive, but they do arrive.

AITA for telling my mom what did she expect?

LOL, eat poo poo gran. Sit on your "family matriarch" throne and die mad.

And a lovely spine to read first thing this morning, too!

# ? Mar 22, 2024 12:15

Elviscat: Jan 1, 2008; Well don't you know I'm caught in a trap?

Jabor posted:

There's no house, he took the house money and lost it all on camgirls/cryptocurrency/online gambling, this is an elaborate charade to put off having to tell her.

Or got outbid, but thought he'd "make it right" through some magical thinking, but he quit his job to move to Maine, so now he can't get a mortgage and they're not moving into the 2019 built house, or any other house.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 12:21

The Bramble: Mar 16, 2004

ChickenOfTomorrow posted:

He's falling in love and his wife can tell. She's scared he's going to leave her, and hell, he might.

meanwhile, the AITAs of teenagers are amazing

AITA for telling my friend to not tell their crush how they feel?

This teenage drama is lame but the last paragraph reminded me of my wife�s cousin who once pontificated at length at how Hamilton was bad because all the black actors playing white historical figures was inaccurate and likely to be confusing to the average viewer. It remains to this day one of the dumbest things I have ever heard spoken aloud and likely will be for the rest of my life.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 12:41

Odd: Dec 30, 2006; I think everybody just needs to maybe cool out a little maybe

So I read this and yeah.

I [23f] created a 1:1 scale puppet version of my boyfriend [22m] and showed it to him during foreplay as a joke. Now he hasn�t texted me in 12 hours and I�m starting to get worried. How do I get him to text me back?

quote:

The title pretty much says it all, but here are some more details: my boyfriend of six months and I have had a pretty cut and dry relationship up to this point. I�ve always been what some people would call �quirky,� so pranks are sort of my bread and butter. He, John, has expressed that he really likes this part of me and I�m just happy to be with someone who can handle all of my zest, lol! Sometimes I worry that he doesn�t actually think I�m as funny as he says, but he always reassures me that this is not the case. One of the ways we really like to express our humor to each other is in the bedroom, for example I love to do impressions of mostly Disney characters (such as the �paperwork� lady from Monsters Inc, haha). He sometimes does them too, but he�s not that good at voices.

So here�s where I think I may have taken it too far: I recently bought a sewing machine to try and make cosplay costumes and stuff, but something dawned on me as I was messing around with it. This was the plan:

We oftentimes sexytimes with a habitual back rub massage sort of thing, and we switch off. And then we progress into french kissing and then full blown you know what. One very important fact to tell you is that John does in fact wear glasses, so I will usually make a point to take them off and put them on the table for safety. During this particular romp in the hay, I got a really funny idea about how to take his glasses off next time and I couldn�t stop laughing. He asked me what I was laughing at because he has some insecurity about his appearance, but I assured him that it was nothing like that. We had our fun and John went home, but all I could think about was this plan.

So the next day I went to the fabric store and bought a bunch of skin colored felt and wire framing and cotton and got to work creating a muppet-style version of my boyfriend to put his glasses on next time we started getting dirty style. Honestly, the thing was looking pretty good and I even found some clothes at Goodwill that were his style. I dressed the puppet in the clothes, hid them under my collection of squishmallows that�s in my room, and invited him over.

To spare you all the explicit details, we did start kissing and taking clothes off and stuff, but my hands were shaking as I reached up to grab his glasses. Instead of putting it on my nightstand I made a point to say something like �I�m just gonna put these riiiiight here� as I stretched over to the squishmallow that was covering the puppet boyfriend�s head and put the glasses right over his felt eyes. He got confused I think and looked back to where I put the glasses and sat up, as a felt version of his face (very easily identifiable by the way, John has red hair and a mustache, so the glasses on top left little question of who this could be). He was silent for a second then said �is that supposed to be me?� as I was laughing. I said something like �do you like it?� as I took it out of the squishmallow pile and revealed the entirety of muppet John.

�Oh did you make that?� he asked, and I stood it up off the bed and asked him to stand next to it. �See? It�s just like you basically!� I said, but he still wasn�t laughing that much. I think he saw that the muppet ended up being just a little bit taller than him (he�s 5�7 and probably insecure about that, the muppet ended up accidentally being a little taller than him, around 6�1 based on seeing them side by side).

I noticed his disappointment and did a tried and true disney impression to make him feel better. In my best Goofy impression I said �Well, looks like we should call him Big, John, Hyuck!� John just took the glasses off of Big John and let him fall to the floor, and put the glasses on the nightstand and sat on the bed for a while but we eventually went to Sin city but it was a lot more quiet than usual. He left after that, even though we were planning on having a sleepover, he said he wasn�t feeling good. I texted him goodnight and went to bed.

So here�s the ish: this morning I haven�t gotten any good morning text, or any texts at all from him, even though he always sends me a good morning text. I�m worried that Big John was a step too far and that normal john didn�t think the joke was as funny as I did. I feel like he�s just putting me in an uncomfortable position by not telling me how this made him really feel, even though I thought it was pretty funny� Is this salvageable or am I effed?

tl;dr : Created a life-sized puppet of my boyfriend to put his glasses on. But, I think it made him insecure, and now he wont text me.

Now you read it too.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 12:52

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

I�m sure the height of doppelg�nger puppet is the issue.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 12:58

Ominous Jazz: Jun 15, 2011; Big D is chillin' over here
Wasteland style

Honestly if after six months of dating somebody made a cute little puppet of me I'd think "oh that's cute" but if it was life sized I would not like that

Edit:

titty_baby_ posted:

I have zero emotional connection with this person I have sex with and vibe with and get heartfelt gifts for

I mean I don't think this is out of bounds for friendship but the dude definitely has something going on

# ? Mar 22, 2024 13:12

Odd: Dec 30, 2006; I think everybody just needs to maybe cool out a little maybe

Ominous Jazz posted:

Honestly if after six months of dating somebody made a cute little puppet of me I'd think "oh that's cute" but if it was life sized I would not like that

Bigger than life sized! lol

# ? Mar 22, 2024 13:27

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

there are so many reasons a felt life-sized doppleganger created for a one-off joke to interrupt sex could be upsetting, I hope we can an update so we can learn what it was that got him. did she portray him in a way which upset him? was it the interrupting their sex twice - once cackling like a maniac and the second to do this? Was it the fact that she clearly put time and effort into what would be, to most people, a fleeting goofy thought?

StrangersInTheNight fucked around with this message at 14:02 on Mar 22, 2024

# ? Mar 22, 2024 13:58

Bonster: Mar 3, 2007; Keep rolling, rolling

Troublemaker posted:

That poor woman in Maine needs to have herself and the baby sitting in the car when the husband leaves at 5 a.m. Unless they're moving into a roofless shack with no floor, there's nothing he could be doing for 18 hours a day in an empty house. And if he is actually scrubbing the whole place down with a toothbrush or something, then she and baby can keep him company.

He says he wants to be with his mom and sister but he's not even there. poo poo, let him stay home with the fam and the baby and she can take care of the house.

She needs to be sitting in the car so she can drop him off and then drive the three hours back to where she has family and friends (and their other car). They can figure out how to get the car back to him, but this whole scenario is creepy and she needs to get out of dodge.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 14:01

Barudak: May 7, 2007

StrangersInTheNight posted:

there are so many reasons a felt life-sized doppleganger created for a one-off joke to interrupt sex could be upsetting, I hope we can an update so we can learn what it was that got him. did she portray him in a way which upset him? was it the interrupting their sex twice - once cackling like a maniac and the second to do this? Was it the fact that she clearly put time and effort into what would be, to most people, a fleeting goofy thought?

Probably the part where she revealed she had made it rigid by filling it with human bones and then made him sit in the chair and as she transferred the dolls clothes onto him until the doll was fully nude then slithered back to the nuptial bed with it as it began to faintly start breathing.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 14:01

Tijuana-A-Go-Go: Aug 2, 2019; Doggles Aficionado

At least she's already got a replacement lined up when he never texts her back again

# ? Mar 22, 2024 14:02

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

ah yea, the black mirror breakup. happens to the best of us.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 14:03

Pantaloon Pontiff: Jun 25, 2023

StrangersInTheNight posted:

there are so many reasons a felt life-sized doppleganger created for a one-off joke to interrupt sex could be upsetting, I hope we can an update so we can learn what it was that got him. did she portray him in a way which upset him? was it the interrupting their sex twice - once cackling like a maniac and the second to do this? Was it the fact that she clearly put time and effort into what would be, to most people, a fleeting goofy thought?

Pretty sure the height was significant, she made it half a foot taller than him and just over the magic 'six feet tall' that shorter guys obsess over online, said to call it "big john" and he seems insecure about his height. It's also just off-putting - if she made a hand puppet of him I think it would be cute, but a six foot muppet-like thing seems like a lot of work and takes up a lot of space in the room. And it doesn't seem like a good glasses-holder since I imagine it would keep falling over, which would fling the glasses to the floor.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 14:08

Lone Goat: Apr 16, 2003; When life gives you lemons, suplex those lemons.

How many squishmallows does she own that she can hide an entire six foot puppet underneath them?

# ? Mar 22, 2024 14:15

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Lone Goat posted:

How many squishmallows does she own that she can hide an entire six foot puppet underneath them?

Given her opinion that is a normal thing to make of someone, I suppose her entire lair is squishmallows, each one a soft mimic of reality luring you in with strange comfort as she begins measuring you for her collection.

Always another collection.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 14:17

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Is there a difference between a squishmallow and a stuffed animal? Is it the incantation?

# ? Mar 22, 2024 14:22

Chef Boyardeez Nuts: Sep 9, 2011; The more you kick against the pricks, the more you suffer.

Shanghaied posted:

AITA for commenting on my date's appearance when he was being rude?

I just want to :golfclap:

OP here for delivering this dude a five-finger-ego-death-punch. She was never going to change his mind about Females and Their Ways, nor was it her job to. Playing into it to say "sure a quality guy could do this but not a piece of poo poo like you" hits him where it hurts. Driving him from the dating pool is a win condition.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 14:28

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Is there a difference between a squishmallow and a stuffed animal? Is it the incantation?

Gelatin

# ? Mar 22, 2024 14:29

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

I guess there's always room for Jell-O.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 14:31

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

Pantaloon Pontiff posted:

Pretty sure the height was significant, she made it half a foot taller than him and just over the magic 'six feet tall' that shorter guys obsess over online, said to call it "big john" and he seems insecure about his height. It's also just off-putting - if she made a hand puppet of him I think it would be cute, but a six foot muppet-like thing seems like a lot of work and takes up a lot of space in the room. And it doesn't seem like a good glasses-holder since I imagine it would keep falling over, which would fling the glasses to the floor.

oh absolutely, the list can go on, that's the thing. there's so much going on here.

if she'd been smarter, she would've said something like, that's how tall he looks to her, she thinks of him as such a tall guy ofc she'd made this doppleganger tall. but instead, she went with calling it Big John. Making HIM Little John. oooooof.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 14:34

Blitter: Mar 16, 2011

Odd posted:

Bigger than life sized! lol

I am just going to assume better endowed too; quite a surprise to be cucked by your muppet doppelganger lol.

Also I'm not sure exactly what kind of red flag it is when people use "sexytimes" and "you know what" and maybe it's some kind of acceptable reddit or prudish regional thing but .. :yikes:

# ? Mar 22, 2024 14:39

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

I thought they were taking a trip to Vegas and then realized what she meant by "going to Sin City"

# ? Mar 22, 2024 14:42

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

Odd posted:

quote:
I’ve always been what some people would call “quirky,” so pranks are sort of my bread and butter. He, John, has expressed that he really likes this part of me and I’m just happy to be with someone who can handle all of my zest, lol! Sometimes I worry that he doesn’t actually think I’m as funny as he says, but he always reassures me that this is not the case. One of the ways we really like to express our humor to each other is in the bedroom, for example I love to do impressions of mostly Disney characters (such as the “paperwork” lady from Monsters Inc, haha). He sometimes does them too, but he’s not that good at voices.

Honestly it sounds loving exhausting to be with this person. And deep down she knows people are tired of her poo poo, which is why she worries that BF doesn't actually find her funny. The silent sighs, the distant gazes, she pretends that she doesn't notice them, but she does.

The puppet is just the last straw for the BF, who realised there's no loving way he could spend the rest of his life like this.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 14:59

Kurieg: Jul 19, 2012; RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20

AITA for proving to my boyfriend the �nerds� never cared about the �popular� kids in high school?

quote:

My boyfriend and I (both 25) went to the same high school.

My boyfriend was talking about our high school days. He thought high school me would have been thrilled to date the �popular� guy because I was a �nerd.� Mind you, we�re 25 and it�s 2024.

I played along for a bit until I realized he wasn�t joking. He literally thought that. I told him that I didn�t know he existed.

He was surprised and said that he was a popular kid. He played football and was in the popular crowd. He said that I must have been lying.

I told him that the �nerds� never cared about the �popular� kids in high school because we were fiercely competing amongst ourselves for college admissions.

For a backstory on our town, my boyfriend was born and raised there but I only moved when I was 13 along with a bunch of other high achieving kids. That�s because an engineering company opened up a branch near that town and brought in a ton of engineers and their families.

So it was a sleepy town with a big high school that suddenly got a ton of competitive kids. And I mean insanely competitive.

Nobody had time to think about popular kids or really anything but college admissions. I was only getting four or five hours of sleep a night regularly. Sports like football or cheerleading which required 5 days a week of training at school were out of the question.

And I saw the same people regularly because we were all in the same classes. So all of the drama was contained within that group of 50-100 or so students.

It paid off for me. I got into a top college and had no student loans. It was literally cheaper than the state school. (And despite my autogenerated username, I do have a good job that I enjoy.)

My bf said I�m lying. I don�t like being called a liar.

So I literally reached out to all of my high school �nerd� friends and yep they didn�t know the popular group and the ins and outs of the dynamics like my bf thought. A few people recognized some names, but like I said, we were really focused on competing with each other.

He got quiet when I proved my case. He said I humiliated him and I proved my point and we should never mention high school again. I talked with his sister and she said that high school was a special experience for him and I ruined his memories. AITA?

# ? Mar 22, 2024 15:03

Flared Basic Bitch: Feb 22, 2005; Invading your personal space since 1968.

Pope Corky the IX posted:

I�m sure the height of doppelg�nger puppet is the issue.

His name is Big John god drat it.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 15:06

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

Kurieg posted:

AITA for proving to my boyfriend the “nerds” never cared about the “popular” kids in high school?

Aww, nobody watched his highschool drama like he thought, and that was his peak performance. Lol

# ? Mar 22, 2024 15:07

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

At least he's only twenty-four and learning that nobody gives a poo poo about high school. Some guys carry that around with them well into their forties.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 15:08

The Bramble: Mar 16, 2004

R/relationships - In my best Goofy impression I said

# ? Mar 22, 2024 15:12

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

drat, Corky�s quick this morning

# ? Mar 22, 2024 15:15

taiyoko: Jan 10, 2008

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Is there a difference between a squishmallow and a stuffed animal? Is it the incantation?

They're a specific brand/style of stuffed animal, rounded and kinda like what a marshmallow version might be like. And they use like a super-soft microfiber fabric.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 15:17

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# ? May 14, 2024 12:27

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Oh, okay. I bought a raccoon shaped somewhat like that for a friend of mine.

Forgive me for thinking it's a sex thing.

# ? Mar 22, 2024 15:20

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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