Churches try to sell people on this Easter thing in a lot of ways. I think they’re missing a key piece of media in their zeitgeist, Steamed Hams. It’s obvious: Skinner (a stand-in for the many blessed, but mostly Saint Peter) is helping prepare the way for world peace through the salvation promised by the son of god. Chalmers (The People) arrive for their long awaited next lesson on the meaning of life and eternal happiness. They even bring wine/blood. But when Seymour finds the roast he says “Oh-ie God, my roast is ruined!” Because, obviously, the pièce de résistance of this whole shebang- our man Jesus, aka The Roast, as it were (but also God) - is dead and bled. And everyone who stopped and thought about it would clearly see the state of this poor abused roast. But so what if jesus has ceased living? What could it matter that the roast is toast? Our mans has a plan. What if they swap out salvation for some patronizing flattery? Just some feel good sugar rush garbage? Cheap meat for the masses? They’re almost even caught stretching the truth. But they won’t let reality stand in their way, they push through and get their teachings in front of people hungry for the body of Christ. The blood wine is right there, in plain view. The people are initially skeptical, but with some fast talking things are smoothed over. Just one more hiccup: The resurrection (fire) is happening in the Kitchen. The People (still Chalmers) outburst of “good lord, what is happening in there?!” Is quite specific and not open to reinterpretation. Now we know that Aurora Borealis is just code for the Resurrection. A simple substitution of the divine mysteries yields: The People: “[Resurrection]?! At this time of year, at this [sabbath], in this part of [Judea], localized entirely within your [Cave]?!” Peter: “No” No, they can’t see, and the people, being idiots as people are, and sated by Crusty Burger (placations at best) just accept this new narrative and roll with it. Agnes yelling out of the window is obviously the “be not afraid” angel here from Mathew 28:6 The people call the apostles odd but they’ve got a good pitch and they leave to bring Catholicism to Rome and our cursed future. Of course, the roast was toast, and while things may have been ruined the people still ate it up and were satisfied. Seymour (as the Apostles) had to run back and clean up the body. Any potential questions needed to stay equally as raised as Jesus was.
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 06:22 |
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# ? May 19, 2024 16:30 |
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oh that's cool
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 06:25 |
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what is the tall guy humiliating nelson in his volkswagen a bible allegory for
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 06:26 |
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Christy Burger
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 06:29 |
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M_Gargantua posted:Churches try to sell people on this Easter thing in a lot of ways. I think they’re missing a key piece of media in their zeitgeist, Steamed Hams.
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 06:47 |
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I made it to your thread, despite your directions
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 06:50 |
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Seven Force posted:I made it to your thread, despite your directions i hope you're prepared for an unforgettable psychopath
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 07:07 |
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 07:16 |
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steamed hams is just white castle . why do they steam everything? dunno. but they’ve been making those vaguely soggy burgs forever
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 07:17 |
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creamed hams
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 07:23 |
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You Are A Werewolf posted:Christy Burger
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 07:41 |
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I am also not very good at this Christian thing
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 08:17 |
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Who all seen this one https://youtu.be/a6HCu9edk54
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 08:30 |
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Minotaurus Rex posted:Who all seen this one I did
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 08:35 |
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Mumpy Puffinz posted:I did Noice
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 08:37 |
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The one where Homer goes to clown college but it's also a seminary
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 08:38 |
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Minotaurus Rex posted:Noice I didn't understand what that guy was saying, but, I have watched the episode
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 08:38 |
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 09:15 |
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new testimate Skinner. Just like Judas
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 09:18 |
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Mumpy Puffinz posted:new testimate Skinner. Just like Judas Can I see it?
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 09:24 |
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sure okay posted:Can I see it? no
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 09:37 |
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this post has taught me everything i know about the bible OP happy easter
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 11:08 |
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I remember some guy made a video about how emotionally moved he was by a NieR Automata Steamed Hams parody (fun fact, a goon made the parody), so you'll have to try really loving hard to outdumb that OP.
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 12:05 |
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Is jon the Baptist the pre promised meal?
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 12:27 |
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Blessed
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 13:10 |
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Well I’m from Judea and I’ve never heard anyone use the phrase “steamed lambs.”
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 14:04 |
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You Are A Werewolf posted:Well I’m from Judea and I’ve never heard anyone use the phrase “steamed lambs.” Oh no it's a Nazareth expression.
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 14:06 |
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Grey Cat posted:Oh no it's a Nazareth expression. I see.
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 14:06 |
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I SEE THE (NORTHERN)LIGHT(S)!
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 14:18 |
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MrQwerty posted:what is the tall guy humiliating nelson in his volkswagen a bible allegory for 2 kings 2:23-24
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 16:35 |
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the simpsons is poo poo
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 17:09 |
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Panic! At The Tesco posted:the simpsons is poo poo The Simpsons is THE poo poo
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 17:19 |
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fell asleep watching stupid steamed hams poo poo with autoplay on
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 18:59 |
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Steamed Hams isn't an allegory for the Resurrection. It's a story from a different religion, told during Purim. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6HCu9edk54
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# ? Mar 31, 2024 19:03 |
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# ? May 19, 2024 16:30 |
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRsOBFhNjVM
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# ? Apr 1, 2024 00:47 |